THIS Is Why An Avoidant Leaves A GOOD Relationship 💔🚪🛑

[@ThePersonalDevelopmentSchool]

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[@sinisterblister9981]

thanks for adjusting a bit the style of the video by speaking more slowly etc. It is really appreciated because the content you are creating is extremely valuable. Again I think it would be a great idea to create also content for DA's and FA's, although the demand for it will be much less than for partners or Ex-partners of avoidants. I think there must be raised more awareness for them to heal, self-reflect and seek out support by their partners, therapists, counsellors etc. I myself just feel deeply wounded by the experiences with former FA and DA partners which I thought and partially still believe are some of the most beautiful people that came to my life so far.

[@MarieDropkin]

1. Fear of intimacy. Intimacy is about the inner subconscious fear ofvulnerability. It’s about 2. Fear of commitment: fear the other won’t be the “ right” person. Fear that they will be stuck or trapped. 3. Fear of vulnerability and knowing how to do a relationship correctly in a healthy way. 4. Unrealistic expectations. Struggle to know what to do as far as creating a relationship: resolving differences, making compromises, resolving conflicts. They don’t know how to communicate their needs. Think the person has to be a “perfect fit” right from the start. Solution: learning how to healthily communicate needs, share vulnerabilities. Communicating fears and wounds and needs.

[@allabouttheracks]

Well said.

[@cutechiangels]

So strange, coz some avoidants can have blunt fast sex, without commitment, much easier for them than committing to someone they really love. How wierd is that? Emotional immaturity is gettlng higher, nowadays... In all generations, alas. Mostly due to all this virtual stuff.... but also not enough responsabilités from a young age.

[@indiana091]

My DA ex left me over two months ago, (six years together). After a minor incident, she told me that she hated when I pick her up and hated being with me (that was a pleasant hour long drive home). No contact since then whatsoever. The other day I had a card left in my mailbox, from her. The note said that she hoped I knew by now that she didn't want to reconcile the relationship and that she was moving on, hoping we could both find someone to make us happy. I found it odd for her to do that. In my mind, the relationship was over when she basically said she hated me. There was no apology for the terrible things she said to me and even said she should have left me before for another very minor incident. I am taking the time to heal and grow my relationship with God, what a blessing I have been given. God let's your heart get broken to make you a better person, not only for yourself, but even more importantly, for others.

[@whiggygirl]

This sounds like my ex. Unblocking me just to tell me to leave him and his "girlfriend" alone (they weren't even together any longer. But he obviously didn't want to admit that to me". Why not just leave me alone 😢

[@indiana091]

@@whiggygirl I think mine just wanted to reassure me that it was her that left me and that she did nothing wrong, ever! Or it also could have been her way to get me to reach and try to get her back so she didn't have to. Who knows?

[@lopa-u9f]

that doesn't sound like a DA at all

[@indiana091]

@ If you're talking to me, I didn't tell you all the DA stuff I had to go through for 6 years. If you need more, just ask.

[@whiggygirl]

@indiana091 the first part rings very true here, too!

[@tumbleweedconnection7906]

They certainly do fear vulnerability. My ex who had dismissive avoidant tendencies flat out told me that she can't be vulnerable with people. Not she struggled with it but she just can't be vulnerable with people. Once she began falling in love with me it wasn't long after that she started pushing me away. I just didn't realize what was happening at the time.

[@BJ111-k5v]

My fears were confirmed when I became an attorney at age 25 and handled people's divorces. I swore I will never get married. I was avoidant even before that. I got married becoz I became a Christian and could not accept sexual encounters outside marriage. My relationship suffered boz of lack of boundaries and avoiding conflict. I wanted to leave boz I felt like my wife was abusing me as I was transactional. I am now learning to communicate directly with boundaries. I was abused becoz I allowed it and would bottle up 5 issues before I burst all of them out at the same time. I did not know I was the cause of all my problems. The marriage would have ended bcoz of me and I was non the wiser.

[@r_and_a]

so grateful for the insight & tools of pds that have helped with my *own* personal development as an FA *&* drastically improved the relationship with my DA partner which in turn has helped us *both* become more secure 💜

[@Sifu_Black]

Great for you guys! Hope you both continue to grow! 👏🏿

[@nicoleroseberry7951]

Can a dismissive avoidant attachment style develop later on in life? My husband and I were together for 27 years before we separated. He had an affair with a younger woman who was awful to him. He asked to come home after three years in November 2024 he was only home for three months and then left again yesterday. He said throughout his time here that he couldn’t trust me that he couldn’t open up to me he wouldn’t show any vulnerability at all. I’m an anxious attachment so I pushed him for intimacy, which ultimately pushed him away.

[@MymleMy]

You talk so fast! I love your content!!

[@ge0rgialiv]

Can you pls do a video on how avoidants would react and respond to someone controlling them? I’m certain my ex who I still love deeply is going through this and I want to be able to understand this deeper and just know how to prepare if I can bc I feel like I’m in a nightmare in a nightmare

[@Stephanie-dp3us]

I struggle with cognitive dissonance. Who are they... the love bombers and this cold calculated type or the sweet person from the beginning ? All resources say even after healing they will never return back to being the person you loved and it's cyclical. Can someone help me understand ? I can't believe a sweet my Naive nerdy 25 yr is so cold and calculated when he's so sensitive and runs back to his parent's house every weekend because he misses them. It's so distressful. It scares me to let go of this person as he is willful and I don't know if he's using me for sex or because he truly care about me and keeping me in his life. He gets jealous of others post breakup and watches my stories but knows I don't want him in any other capacity but doesn't want to let go. I can't stand thinking I have to let this guy go and rebound for him to be sure about me.

[@whiggygirl]

This is just like my ex DA. He's 45. I described him to my Mum the other day as "sweet". So I can't hate him (despite everyone that cares for me, hating him 😢). My brain just can't comprehend how he can behave so cold and callous, when he's also such a sweet, timid Soul 😢

[@Stephanie-dp3us]

@ it's hard to deal with and I'm in therapy and have been and I don't get them. Not to mention I'm in mental health and I'm a statistics, science, research based understander when I'm trying to cope and understand. Sure, it's intellectualizing but avoidants can make even secure people become anxious.

[@lopa-u9f]

he's unable to see the truth about himself and nothing YOU do can make him 'sure about you', he's not sure about him self also, this fearful avoidant, not dismissive

[@Stephanie-dp3us]

@@lopa-u9f no he is strong heavy dismissive avoidant. He's taken many quizzes and we did the ones in the book attached he's very typical.

[@SK-no2pp]

@@Stephanie-dp3us so how is this relationship serving you? Do you feel loved, supported and valued? Is it meeting your needs? Do you see this resulting in marriage if that’s what you want? Avoidant people subconsciously choose partners that won’t leave, the type of people willing to self abandon to keep the connection going. We don't see the dysfunction in our relationships because it mirrors the dysfunction we grew up with. And we don't see the dvsfunction we grew up with because it's the only thing we ever knew. It’s familiar.

[@sushmitasutradhar4880]

👏🏼

[@jessicalacey3941]

I’m new to the attachment theory but I believe i am a fearful avoidant. Can you help me understand why I should stop deactivating? I feel that it has helped me by preventing me from mistakes like entering bad relationships or continuing bad relationships. I have done the same thing with jobs.

[@allabouttheracks]

Wow, thank you for your vulnerability. Freedom awaits you! I'll be praying you'll do the work to be free.

[@blackswan1983]

Because it's a fear based response, hun.

[@tangledk765]

(you have a quiz) I've been there, too. Cuz it looks sooo normal, natural thing to do. Like- I don't get it, what's wrong with that.😄 But it's fear based, that true.= *It's not truly your authentic decision.* When you start feeling the difference between these two, it's a sign you're on a good path. Wish you luck! 🤞🏼

[@Warrior_Princess_1111]

Good answer ✨ ​@@tangledk765

[@eabeloth7035]

I love fearful avoidants. Because i am maybe one too.

[@guitarplayerfactorychannel]

These videos don't clarify the difference between avoidant personality disorder and personality attachment style enough.

[@lopa-u9f]

I think this is the least amount of mask I've seen you in! embrace your true beauty! this means your natural self, the eyebrows, the eyelashes, the face stop the makeup! do the work!

[@lopa-u9f]

hmmm perhaps tinted contacts too? be your self!

[@Lovely-ff7uv]

​@@lopa-u9fstop lusting over her. Pay attention to her work

[@lopa-u9f]

@@Lovely-ff7uv pff that's your delusion to devalue my comment - lusting over her? what? yikes do your own work

[@enojelmeli]

Who do you think you are to tell someone how they should present themselves? You're not her creator, father, or husband. She could deliver her message and clown makeup and a full suit if she wanted to. That's her choice.. Meanwhile you could choose to be a better person.

[@lopa-u9f]

@@enojelmeli awww, little snowflake can't handle someone expressing themselves and encouraging someone else to improve themselves /pats on the head I'ma fellow human who cares for her well-being, appreciates her work, but still recognizes she has work to do I'm a teacher of teachers that you think only someone who is a father, creator, or husband, has a place to give such feedback, shows how archaicly dum you are

[@mutie80]

May I ask why my ex who I think has an avoidant attachment after broke up with me suddenly, he still followed me on Instagram for three months and seen all of my stories. However after a few months later, he unfollowed me on Instagram and Facebook but still allows me to follow his Instagram? Should I unfollow or should I stay connected since I was still allow to see his updates? I am very confused about what I should do. Since the last few months after he unfollowed me, he came back to see my Instagram stories three times but never reply to my messages. Thank you.

[@SK-no2pp]

Watching each other’s Instagram stories is not a real relationship. It doesn’t mean anything. They are your ex, they broke up with you suddenly. They didn’t care how the break up would’ve affected you. You should block them, move forward, and not let this person affect your mental and emotional health.

[@vanitasthomas4829]

Leave him alone. Remember if someone wanted you back, they would make the effort. My two exes did the same even though I never looked at theirs (could be I had them muted) and they sometimes liked my stuff and then they disappeared off the face of the earth. My current FA is doing the same as we speak.

[@mutie80]

@@SK-no2pp Thank you. I just don’t know how to be someone who gives up on people that I care about but yet I know that it is the right thing to do. It is really quite hard.

[@mutie80]

@@vanitasthomas4829 Ok thank you. I hope that everything will be ok for all of us. I don’t understand why we used to be so close but now can’t even just tell me what is wrong between us. The discard is really quite hurtful.

[@Elaineega99]

Hey, im going trough a similar situation, my ex unfollowed me, but she still allows me to follow her 😂