How Long Does It Take To Get Someone Out Of Denial?

Will they ever wake up and deal with their addiction? How long does addiction denial last?
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[@PutTheShovelDown]

Watch Amber Do A Motivational Session 👉🏻👉🏻www.familyrecoveryacademy.online/motivational-interviewing-session

[@lisa9111]

My daughter has been an addict for 15 years. She has lost everything, marriage, child, job, house, car. She’s been to jail several times. Yet she refuses to do anything to help herself. At this point I don’t think she will ever recover. She says it’s a disease so she can’t help it. She lies, manipulates, and steals. I finally had to disengage to save my own sanity.

[@PutTheShovelDown]

Sometimes you have to do what's best for you! When people resign themselves to the addiction, it's worse than when they deny it's a problem.

[@christinecortes6342]

I’m soo sorry . It’s hard to deal with loves ones dealing with addition but when it your own child it’s heart breaking . You did right by distancing yourself I know it has to be soo hard to do that but I don’t think you have much of a choice . I hope she figures it out , I wish you the best in your situation . ❤

[@sandieimus7711]

My son is an addict too! He’s lost everything and his child. Living in an old motor home. He just called me saying he had nowhere to park his motor home. I said please don’t call to tell me bad news. You knew this was coming. I tried to say he called to say I love you. So I just said I love you and hung up. So frustrating.

[@Lolikuki-g3]

My heart just breaks we allowed satan to hijack our kids taking God out of are life’s. Only. Taking the ground back will help.

[@wowai774]

I have the same situation with my 54 year old sister. It is heartbreaking to watch her destroy herself. She is in jail right now for a 3rd DUI, no job, no car, divorced and basically homeless. Yet expects my husband and I to take her in and provide for her. It's always "just for a couple of weeks". This has been going on for years. She refuses to take no for an answer so I have stopped taking her calls. I feel horrible but don't know what else to do. She has destroyed our family. Of course everything that she is going through is somebody else's fault.

[@mollycule2792]

I’m not sure I can still love my husband through his denial of his abuse. This is awful. I used to love him so much but he turned into a monster. Even if he’s sober now, I don’t think I will ever get over the damage he caused (and is in denial over)

[@bobbijo1313]

I'm also in the same place. 😢

[@susanneguzman5339]

Yes, SO TRUE!!! Sometimes I think I just don’t want to be here anymore! It’s gut wrenching!!!

[@jeannedorton1243]

Our son is still in the blaming phase….everything in his life is our fault…..he yells and screams ,name calls etc. ….so for our own sanity we stepped away from him……it’s now been 3 years since we had a relationship with him or our grandsons…..the last time we talked approx 8 mos ago….he said we will never have a relationship unless my husband and I ADMIT that we were wrong to step away ….we told him we felt strongly that stepping away was the only thing we could do to protect our own selves at that point…..we truly do not know what we should if anything at this point….meanwhile our grandsons are growing up without a relationship with us,that we both cherished….any advice what we should do ,if anything…Thankyou Amber for all you do♥️

[@debbiehood1786]

You nail it every time. I’m so glad I found your channel.

[@PutTheShovelDown]

😁😁

[@debbiehood1786]

@@PutTheShovelDown I had no idea of how to navigate this issue in our family but you’ve helped me understand it. Unfortunately we’ve had to make some hard decisions concerning our loved one. It truly breaks my heart. Prayers for all. And I wish you and yours a very happy holiday season.

[@autumnpera7233]

I started to just listen this and I'm amazed on on how you nailed all this. He so good that if or when he feels a incling of me getting irrated or pulling away he starts the love stuff on me instead of letting me be the more open loving one. The roller coaster is honestly tearing me apart. He is now doing stuff like videoing me always with people around and will try to make people and his family see me upset of he will say stuff to me doing the puffer fish affect. 100 percent always blames me mainlye or his family for his reason doing coke. And his main thing is I am a man... I am amazed on how you have nailed this I am so thankful I have stumbled across you I finally know I'm not crazie. The thing that hurts is I feel like I'm the one with this misery because he is so miserable from the addiction. I hate that what ever he is going through that I'm am literally going through it and the one without the addition. I am to the point I am pulling away because I really do not want to give him the excuse that it's my fault but not matter what I do he blames me for everything. I wish I could just crawl in a hole and not come out till he really is done or I wish I could move away for a long time or even five months so I can be out of the line of fire and excuse for him to use. He literally will twist everything I say or do...

[@clark.mellarke]

Lmao I love her accent and her sayings for the different forms of denial. I want to be a substance abuse counselor, I can only hope that I'll be able to do this well one day ✨️

[@PutTheShovelDown]

We need all the help we can get in this field! I'm glad you're going to join the force!

[@anitagenovese562]

I am alone at home. Husband became homeless after he got black out drunk and beat me up. Daughter left and has taken her Dads side. I am left with all the bills. I am so angry. It went from bad to worse. I even moved into the RV to cope with his depression/drunkennes Covid fallout but blames me for being arrested even though the neighbours called police. It is extreme weather cold and he has not left me with enough firewood to make it. Already broke from paying others to split the wood. Very mad. Ya, super mad .

[@PutTheShovelDown]

You're anger is 💯 understandable!

[@coleenbouchard9538]

My Loved One says, "You are the only one who has a problem with it." I just want to say go ahead and hang out with them then. But we all know that backfires. I do feel like I'm making it worse just by being around.

[@lydiamilanovic439]

As always, thank you Amber for clearing up the tough love/punishment angle. You made me feel better🥰

[@PutTheShovelDown]

You are so welcome!

[@theresaberlin3834]

On Tuesday 12/20/22 my daughter died from herion addiction which she has been battling for years I adopted her daughter 24 years ago addiction is so sad for everyone 😢❤

[@PutTheShovelDown]

Sending you my prayers, Theresa!

[@theresaberlin3834]

Thank you 💔

[@lablove268]

Aw I’m so sorry

[@reneginn7866]

I’m so sorry!

[@parvin8765]

I’m so sorry, sending you my prayers ❤️🙏

[@JoyceSigns]

In this video, you said you felt like you needed an amen, lol! Here's a sincere and robust "AMEN!" to not positioning ourselves as "the source of" the addict's misery. 👍🏼

[@jenniferrivera5461]

My ex told me yesterday that he is no longer addicted because he's only using $20 of heroin a day instead of $100 = DENIAL & MINIMIZATION

[@Berkovicka]

Same !! Instead 4-6 pills he took now 2 Like amazing Cmon man dont make me feel dumb

[@thiaann7650]

Mine AH is in that worse stage over the last 3 months. Severally depressed, physically sick, and not working anymore. He continues to drink heavily. I'm scared for him. Don't know what to do. Your Facebook support group is so incredibly helpful. They keep me going.

[@debrasmith8860]

Excellent information Really needed to hear this.

[@PutTheShovelDown]

Glad it was helpful, Debra. Thanks for watching 💟

[@laurieriek6444]

I have seen some of these stages in my daughter. So hard to watch. Trying hard to keep my mouth shout.

[@juliezuvela8865]

Witness alot of these Thank you for the confirmation

[@laurasibley6293]

Hi Amber. I left my addicted partner 3 months ago. I'd had enough. But I think my partner would benefit from this video. Would forwarding it be enabling? Nagging? Scolding? Inappropriate? We correspond respectfully, I have a tiny bit of hope that one day we might get back together but I don't want to be sucked back in because I'll lose my mind again. Any suggestions how I can be supportive from afar?

[@claudiagonz0928]

18:48 my husband has been drinking only a couple of times a week for the past month after he had agreed of getting help. He has also been drinking these few times when he’s alone, He told me he is proud of himself because he no longer drinks daily and he’s not getting drunk😣😔 he’s attending AA meetings but I’m not sure if there’s anything else I can do

[@peterlyons8793]

Who does he think he's fooling?

[@trollsnotwelcome7805]

Would you think if an addict does recover and pulls their lives together again once pressure, life events that are difficult etc are they more likely to fall back into addiction? Life events can't be avoided for sure and skills needed but i sometimes wonder if it's a personality type or addition never leaves the brain. I hope i am completely wrong but it's just something I've noticed in people I've known who did recover, doing great and relapse once stress hits

[@tguthrie1121]

I truly believe and want to learn from your wisdom, although It can be difficult to hear what you are saying sometimes with all the "likes" that you insert into your communication.

[@joannagarcia953]

Amen, Amber! 😊

[@PutTheShovelDown]

😁

[@deborahstarman9874]

This one is really helpful for me.

[@PutTheShovelDown]

😁

[@Rebecca-GLaines]

What happens when they're in the "hopeless faze" but a fully functioning addict that lives alone...?

[@teresanolivo4075]

It is exactly the same with sex addiction. Except you can't be their cheerleader. 12 steps can be their chear leader. As a spouse it's your job to be angry. But everything she said is the same for the sex addict.

[@erianar6237]

my bestfriend is stuck in denial about this boy she’s known for about 7 years🤦🏽‍♀️ she likes him one day but then is off of him and then keeps going back and i need help

[@user-ki8ki1kv2h]

My son has been in jail 9 months. Any advice for when he gets out? He’s mentioned wanting to come home until he can get in sober living. One sober living is in the middle of nowhere and he has no car. The others are in areas where he used. Fentanyl is his preference unfortunately.

[@theresaseals262]

Great Video!

[@PutTheShovelDown]

Thanks!

[@spasatasevski2597]

I have two sons one alcoholic, one an drugs they are over 45 they been for 30 years they don’t want to change they leave with me. They use me abuse me verbally bad. Call me every name in a book and I’m thinking to kick them off. One never work steals goes to rehab for one week and gum bags home, been in jail and all everything and they don’t want to change. I have to kick them off. What do you think? I can’t take it anymore they had they have nowhere to go.

[@thesundreamers8423]

Amen!

[@stateless13]

How do you know what stage they’re in if you don’t confront them? What triggers these comments in that case?

[@TheNmv2728]

Anthony gives me hope for my BF.

[@theresareynolds3834]

Amber my husband was drinking and driving do often I was so afraid for him anyone else on the road that I called the police and h we received a dwi. As you can imagine thus has not helped the situation. I have given him a huge reason to blame me. How can I get through this. The dwi was in June but he is still active in doing the things the court required him to do.

[@comeon_man]

Will my wife ever forgive me for forcing her into rehab? Will she ever thank me for putting up with her addiction and getting her healthy? Or will I be the bad guy forever? Her family hates me too, it sucks

[@christinecortes6342]

I get from my AH , how can I move forward if you keep bringing up the past . Wtf you just messed up yesterday … eeerrrr it’s such a battle ! So defensive , emotional ups and downs , mental abuse is the number one issue with people with addition . If it gets to physical , we’ll no one should be dealing with that . That’s beyond saving the relationship . Typically if they are that far in there’s probably cheating going on as well . Absolutely no respect , compassion, regret .. nothing it’s all about them and filling their emptiness .

[@azjersee]

He has to want to stop and this is sporadic for him.😪

[@PutTheShovelDown]

Hi polizmijk. The back and forth nature of it is so difficult (although normal). There's a lot of trial and error that happens before the really get it. Sending you positive thoughts and prayers.

[@autumnpera7233]

Is it bad to ask him to take drug test? And I don't know the steps of what to do his test are not a clean catch. I feel like it's the only way he can not get out from lying about using when he says he not.

[@PutTheShovelDown]

Here's a link to my FREE Guide on Doing Home Drug Screens: www.familyrecoveryacademy.online/treatment-options-guide-lead-page-1 Also, you can use this link to see which tests I recommend: www.amazon.com/shop/addictionrecoveryresources-hopeforfamilies/list/2R1NPH6MOQY9N?ref_=cm_sw_r_cp_ud_aipsflist_aipsfaddictionrecoveryresources-hopeforfamilies_TGV5XNYPFCCMRF71DJHE

[@beebeelicious]

I have left. I didn't give an ultimatum, but the drink....aaargh. No change in his behaviour. I thought he would have space to think. Unfortunately I'm wondering if he likes it too much.

[@PutTheShovelDown]

😔Leaving usually does give them more space to engage in their addictive behavior. You shouldn't leave because you think it will make them change. Leaving should always be for you.

[@beebeelicious]

@@PutTheShovelDown very true. In the end I left because he just wasn't safe and was very verbally abusive.

[@a..r.9341]

@@PutTheShovelDown That is important knowledge.❣️ Thanks. (Often we are told, that they will change and get better when we leave them.)

[@amylambert2401]

Amen

[@bobbijo1313]

How do i know if i should seek divorce?

[@emmiebug3763]

27

[@brendaallen9226]

Do you just let natural consequences take over even when they are driving drunk? Possibly could kill someone or themselves. 😢

[@PutTheShovelDown]

That's a complicated question. Sometimes you don't have any choice. You definitely shouldn't let them drive you (or a child) while intoxicated. You should try to talk them out of it, but don't fight them over it. If necessary, you can call the cops and report a drunk driver.

[@emilyw6899]

can you provide negative reinforcement too? not punishment but negative reinforcement in different cases? So both positive and negative reinforcement depending? Can you give an example?

[@kimwells2695]

Hello, I'm a dog trainer 😂 however, negative reinforcement is when you input something negative to stop behaviour, as opposed to a positive to increase behaviour. I would imagine that if you tried negative reinforcement with your addict, they would blame you for causing their negative thoughts/emotions/behaviour. Thats what is meant by tough love. In the video she says ....don't do it. That ain't chess 😅

[@aliciathegem3243]

Can you please give me advice about my son who has ADHD and ASD with ODD behaviours prior to addiction now his behaviour is that of an addict text book acvording to these videos. He is nearly 17 and seems to be in advanced addiction it started with pot but now its pot alcohol and other drugs . Hes OD on mdma and a couple of weeks ago was arrested for stealing a driving a car, it was getting to a stage were i couldnt cope with him here anymore it was making me sick , i have holes in walls ny car door is kicked in , he has an.apprentership but has nothing putside of alcohol and other drugs what i have applied for guatdianship as he seems gery unstable and was thinking about getting consent for treatment involuntary as well as fonancial management he hates me anyway for leaving him in juvenile he now lives in a bail house , and no one wants him in there home in family. So should i cancel my guardianship application and step out of the way ? Or continue with trying to get him into involuntary treatment because of his underling disability/mental health. He seems to have no inight at all. I am defo "the bad guy"

[@christinecortes6342]

So when is the breaking point , the point that you have enough and walk away from the relationship?

[@PutTheShovelDown]

Here's a video on that exact topic: 👉🏻 kzbin.info/www/bejne/e3aYdWuLaJmWopY

[@christinecortes6342]

Thank you !!

[@melindajones8653]

56

[@nobama3468]

tx

[@PutTheShovelDown]

Welcome!