What Really Causes Addiction Relapse?

[@melissad.6722]

A good friend in recovery told me to always watch for SELF PITY, BLAME AND RESENTMENT. whenever they poke their heads up trouble comes if you entertain them. Get back to gratitude and thankfulness for sobriety.

[@PutTheShovelDown]

You have a very wise friend! ⭐⭐

[@robertgoss4842]

What an elegant message,@melissad6722. You would be a very good friend to have.

[@Skoopyghost]

Resentment and self pity made me relapse last time. Also. PTSD is a great ally of Bacus.

[@Lacking_something]

​@@Skoopyghostwhat's bacus please?

[@Lacking_something]

Are there any videos on avoiding self pity/blame/resentment and focusing on gratitude? I'm trying to help a serial relapser - despite only being on day 105 myself I try to encourage others too.

[@blackcloudtattooer9255]

REMEMBER THIS: addiction is giving up EVERYTHING for one thing. FREEDOM is giving up one thing for EVERYTHING. WRITE THAT DOWN

[@nlj4657]

I began drinking again after 8.5 yrs of sobriety and I can affirm that what you are saying is true. In retrospect, my relapse began 3 yrs before it happened. It began with the death of my mother and the end of a 5yr romantic relationship happening in the same year. Two big losses! Then I got a resentment against some women from my AA group. Then my sponsor moved out of state and I didn’t find a new one, then I began to minimize my addiction, and the final one that opened the gate was a combo of it will be different this time and I’m a grown ass woman and I can have handle a glass of wine with dinner. I had done a lot of work on myself and thought my demons had been exercised. I drank for 4 1/2 years. It wasn’t worse than the first time, but it was very similar. I don’t lose jobs or go to jail, but I do lose control and my self-respect. I have been sober now 6 mos, am back in my program and loving my sober life again. One Day At A Time! ❤😊

[@Krista-rt9ww]

You made all that up about Chad Dorman. I noticed it I know it was a devastating blow to his family, his wife and stepdaughter, but I don’t know where you get off, saying he was drunk and putting words in his mouth did you did not say I’m done with your channel not listening to you anymore

[@Krista-rt9ww]

I AM DONE LISTENING TO YOUR CHANNEL

[@PutTheShovelDown]

The fact that it took 3 years for those monster mouths to break through the gate is a sign of just how strong your recovery was.

[@andziagreen4922]

❤

[@maureen3890]

You told my story. I had years of sobriety then relapsed. It's been so hard getting back into recovery

[@somethingcleverer]

Addiction is a sneaky thing. When I stopped doing all the 5 things that are recommended. It is just a matter of Time. I fell for the trap my mind gave me. I am right at losing all of the things I have worked so hard for. Once i take any kind of mind altering substance, the person making the decision is not the same guy making decision prior to taking it. It is only a matter of Time. I knew it would happen, but I did it anyways. I had so much growth of the last year in so many aspects of my life. A lot of great things were happening to me and my family. I Finally present. I was finally able to see things from wife's side, having an emotional connection with her. And I may be losing her now because of a relapse. I am so ashamed, I'm having a hard time getting myself grace and for giving myself for this. I'm struggling with staying in the moment. But I'm going to detox in a couple of days. And I hopefully when I get out. I am able to stay on track and keep the things I love the most close. The disease of addiction is no joke.. It is a very sneaky sneaky thing. Thank you so much for your videos.

[@PutTheShovelDown]

Don't let those monster mouths keep you down! You know how to beat them. Here's a video about getting back on track after relapse: kzbin.info/www/bejne/p2qbd2yBZdV3pMk

[@JohnGlen502]

These videos are such a comfort and reassurance. It feels so good to wake up and not be worried about what stupid thing I may have texted the night before. I don't want to give that up, it feels so much better being more in control of my emotions and reactions. If I do say or do something stupid, I can be entirely responsible for it!

[@PutTheShovelDown]

I love this!!!!!!

[@ANaturalApproachMedFreeAndMore]

Yep the alcoholic in my life play me as one of their triggers that caused or causes them to drink.

[@astrobat87]

They’ll find any excuse. It’s ridiculous

[@zoinky91]

This makes so much sense I have been relapsing every 5 to six months since 2019 and not understanding how 😵‍💫 Its literally just a trap your slowly building for yourself overtime.... The mind is a crazy and complicated thing

[@adrianerose7896]

"Letting someone off the hook because they have trauma is ridiculous because that person that has an active addiction is traumatizing other people by the second." - Thank you for saying that!! I have been traumatized by EVERY important man in my life and I STILL, everyday, decide to be a good, kind person. It's not an excuse and, frankly, it feels invalidating to someone with CPTSD when addicted people bring that excuse. It sucks that people have childhood trauma, it really freaking does. The solution, however, is not to perpetuate the abuse cycle.

[@lorifarrell4892]

Cigarettes for me. Twenty four years of smelling and feeling really good. Gave myself permission to cope with a divorce and totally relapsed. Now I’m on again off again. Presently off, until tonight. I tell myself that I can do it occasionally and refuse to be an everyday smoker, but man oh man, the discipline that I have to apply afterwards is tough. The boyfriend has relapsed with adderall and God Only Knows what else or to what extent. I came to your channel to learn about his problems and discovered some of my own, including over helping. Maybe you’ll end up helping one of us.

[@PutTheShovelDown]

Welcome to our community, Lori! I'm glad you're here 💖

[@heidisimor1359]

Is there a video about what to do when someone leaves, relapses, and ghosts us? My partner was sober for a while now (10 months), going to AA 2x a week and had a mentor. The last 2 months he started closing in and built up unrealistic thoughts about our 3 yr relationship, was always "worn out" and came to the conclusion that "its not working out", picked up and left us and checked out completely. The daily issues of parenting 3 kids were burdensome for him... not much I can do about that...

[@NewLifeRecovery]

You have to give yourself permission! Yes! Yes!! So good!

[@ScottSaucier-k3u]

Problematic drinker and what you say is correct. I avoid labeling myself to minimize my drinking vs others. The way I’ve found to simplify my decision on whether to drink or not is to say to my inner voice of addiction that there is no circumstance in my life good or bad where alcohol didn’t make it worse so just don’t do it. Shuts the voice right up

[@davidcasson5602]

Hi Amber you are in your element on these Thursday live sessions, they have been so good all year, I look forward to to the next . 🎉

[@PutTheShovelDown]

Awwww, thanks Davis

[@katherinekelly5380]

This made me think of Philip Seymour Hoffman - he told a friend he had been sober for so long (23 years) he felt he could ‘risk’ drinking again in moderation - yikes!

[@melissad.6722]

An old friend of mine has recovered from devastating crack addiction and went through programs several times. They now have a jib and nice apartment fairly good health but smokes pot every day saying it keeps them from worse things. Are they still an "active addict " with all the same mental emotional illness and insanity of addiction? Weed is so accepted these days.

[@ivap.2005]

tough to say, but honestly when the choice is between weed and crack.. i'd go with weed 😅

[@Rebecca-GLaines]

​@@ivap.2005No kidding! Weed got a bad wrap, but I will say, weed helps w alot of ailments, Doctors approve of its treatment, and its natural. I personally can't do anything cannabis related, just does NOT agree w me. But, I know a TON of people who use it. I personally see nothing wrong w weed. If it takes weed to get off of that other crap- great!! But it should be controlled

[@devinderkour5661]

Thanks alot for these videos and clarity u provide ,i just came back from my fourth rehab stint just so confused and anxious coz of monster mouth i so hope i keep this gate closed but idk what future holds for me

[@PutTheShovelDown]

You got this Devin. Just image Gandolf guarding your gate. 🧙🏻‍♂️🧙🏻‍♂️🧙🏻‍♂️🧙🏻‍♂️

[@jacquelinehunt7794]

You described my sister to a tea bless her she passed away recently and I will never get over her tragic loss.

[@greg9069]

It’s impossible when you’re in agony physically and mentally. All alone.

[@dailyorangepill3338]

Educational and Informative!

[@PutTheShovelDown]

😁😁

[@peggytieman2633]

Feeling so insecure in my mom instincts …. I’m learning a lot from these videos! There have been several I would love to have my daughter listen to ( 28 yr old 10+ years alcohol use disorder… recent bout of pancreatitis …. Verbalized “ yes I know I have a problem” but not ready for treatment. She’s in Chicago. Her dad and I moved to SC a year ago so…. Communication is text ( most unanswered) and phone calls( sometimes answered). Lost her job 3 mos ago ago and she is paralyzed by the loss, fear, depression and of course drinking. I’ve watched several of your videos I’d would love to send her…… I feel I need someone to tell me if that’s an ok/ or bad idea. I text her a ❤ every morning and night. Now I want to send her a text of examples of her amazing strength she has shown in her life. There are many. Then I get so insecure and feel I have to run it by a professional!! Can anyone weigh in?! Thanks for this tremendous resource!!!!

[@juliezuvela8865]

🤚🤚🤚🤚🤚🤚 Thank you so much for your videos. The self pity .... Yes!!!! Picking fights... It will be different this time..... Yes!!!! Yes!!!! Yes!!!!😮

[@kingslots3449]

Great stuff 👍👍😊

[@PutTheShovelDown]

Thanks 👍😁

[@jerimow8400]

Dang it! Missed the LIVE again! It’s still good stuff a couple hours later. One question: Would you please move in with my son and his wife for a month or so? You could fix them and I could clean the fan…. 😂

[@PutTheShovelDown]

😅😅😅

[@GlenHay-d5o]

❤❤❤ Great advice.

[@PutTheShovelDown]

Glad it was helpful!

[@ms.currysneighborhood2462]

Thanks Amber. Here is one more question that I hope that you address, because I am hearing that this might be common. How long before you have to be sober to actually even call it a relapse? What if "the person" has not been "sober for a while" but merely 1-2 weeks? And if the pattern keeps repeating for a year: Detox one week, sober two weeks, using and homeless one week. For months on end?

[@PutTheShovelDown]

What constitutes a relapse? #addictionrecovery

[@tonygibbs9339]

I need to work on keeping my gate closed.

[@PutTheShovelDown]

Put a lock on that thing! 🔓🔓🔓🔒😁😜

[@maryseeker7590]

Jack Trimpey writes about this in “Taming the Feast Beast” book for problem eating. He calls it the addictive voice and how to recognize it. And it’s like every thing that you listed. I would like to add (because I’m quitting drinking because it caused a large weight gain) FRUSTRATION! Here is a thought I just heard “I’m never going to get this weight off and it’s going to cause me to drink again.” Yep. That was one!!

[@timtom904]

This hit home

[@brigittemarie5570]

Is there anyway to still join the members group?

[@PutTheShovelDown]

Hi Bridget, yes, you can still join. The bonuses aren’t active anymore but everything else is still available

[@MarthaMcClard-ii5nf]

Do these techniques work for food addiction?

[@deborahstarman9874]

This is good.

[@PutTheShovelDown]

Thanks Deborah!

[@anthonyfoster8675]

This is great, very practical and real-life. Have you seen Dr. KJ Foster's videos on addiction? They're also great.

[@srishtisuman8958]

My AH was on Acampral for 2 months, helping him bring down his drinking from multiple times a day to 2-3 times a week. But a major fam stress made him go back to everyday drinking. A week back he got back on track after 1 month of excessive use. His plan is to see his doc twice a month, stay away from places that trigger him, and get back on medication. Do you think he is close to getting better after this relapse?

[@greg9088]

Does he have healthy ways of regulating when stresses in his life arise?

[@srishtisuman8958]

@@greg9088 When he last was trying to get better, he got much better at stress management too. He is a pretty resilient guy when you take away all the drama.

[@jacquelinehunt7794]

My sister said the hospital are pleased with my test results so I thought it was ok to have a drink.

[@PutTheShovelDown]

Yep, that sounds like a monster mouth for sure!

[@yolandagrabowski6043]

I was considering, joining the aa. Not that I have an alcoholic problem. Well, maybe. I don't drink alcohol. I have my addictions. It's not drugs or alcohol. Staying awake through the night when I need rest cause, I suffer from vertigo. Brain dead issues.

[@tonygibbs9339]

I like the Gandalf image being the guard You Shall Not Pass!

[@PutTheShovelDown]

Me too! That was a good one

[@burning4902]

Very true

[@jasonbachelor604]

Hint: Definitely not "Addiction " Whatever the hell that is

[@yolandagrabowski6043]

I think, my brain dead relapses because of sugar.

[@yolandagrabowski6043]

Mm, sundae relapses.

[@kathyramirez9711]

Control freak.. yep😮

[@RayMaxwell]

Or, I’m ok now, I’m better, I can control it now, moderate, has never worked

[@sylvesterwilliams9531]

This woman is sooooo sexy