How Narcissist Defeminizes You: Answering Your Questions

Withdrawal and avoidance to punish others for their lack of appreciation, self-soothing.
Hoovering possible only after internal mortification, but most narcissists convert internal to external and do not hoover
Refusal to grow up: remaining childless
Women: not attractive anymore, not a man, a pussy, weasel, weakling, wuss, jejeune, and worse. Narc accused me of pretending to be a narc and a psycho when I am actually just an average guy. So, to be a narc is only for cool dudes, a privilege, an exclusive club. Narcs are seriously deluded and intellectually challenged.
Mental illness not humiliating, shame, or embarrassing - no stigma.
I am never a man to my woman and this does not let her be a woman. In my Guru Father role, she is merely an audience; when I am a Genius Child, she is a mother on probation. Self-emasculation lead to defeminization, castration, aversion, sexlessness, and extramarital affairs.
I accept that, in order to persevere and survive within my increasingly more sexless shared fantasy (in which I am intermittently a child or a father, but never an adult man), my woman has to meet her sexual and emotional needs with (other) men.
Q: Why do you accept the asymmetry: she is cheating with others while you are at home waiting for her like a cuck or a soy boy?
Cucks derive sexual pleasure and are aroused when their partners have sex with others. I don’t. I am totally indifferent, not even romantically jealous. Just oblivious.
I accept that I am not allowed to do the same. I acquiesce in this asymmetry for various reasons:
A. She is an adult and I am not - she needs mature, conventional, reciprocated, and reglar sex and intimacy, I don't. So, I have to compromise and sacrifice in order to secure her presence and commitment to the relationship;
B. I can have sex only within a shared fantasy (a new relationship) while she can compartmentalize and not abandon me;
C. Any new shared fantasy will end the same way, so why bother? As long as I am getting supply and services (however meager), better stay put and forget about sex. I move on to a new shared fantasy only when 2 of the 3 Ss are missing at which point the woman had come to replicate my bad, dead mother and failed in her role as a good enough mother;
D. Only mentally ill, broken, damaged and traumatized women will succumb to my psychosexuality and enter the shared fantasy and this poses serious risks (exposure, blackmail, suicide, criminal liability). Scouting for a new shared fantasy is an absolute desperate last resort;
E. I successfully sublimate my autoerotic sadistic kinky sex drive: I really prefer learning and entertainment to sex and am far more gratified by these solitary activities. My biological drive is entirely satisfied with porn. My psychosexual kink and sadism require a compliant live body, but the prize is not worth the price: I suppress my urges, exactly the same way practitioners of other paraphilias (like pedophilia) do. Plus, rejecting women, frustrating, and humiliating them when I cannot have them for my sadistic pleasures feels as good as sex.
In shared fantasy not protective, but possessive; when there is a risk of abandonment, I am both both; in the bargaining phase, I am neither.
I feel humiliated that I can never have a woman that is only mine, can’t keep or satisfy my women, that other men, far inferior to me intellectually, often predator scum, pick them up in my presence, capture their hearts, minds, or bodies if even for a night. Like a cripple or an unemployed who cannot provide for his family: an inadequate invalid.
Women are angry at me that I push them back into the cesspool that is the dating scene and to drunkenness, to be molested by scum who regard them as sluts because they are married or in a relationship.
Women go to any length to cheat on me (even with strangers, their repellent abusers, petty criminals, pedophiles, alcoholics) for 4 reasons:
1. Meet their emotional and sexual needs for sex, intimacy, succor, attention, passion, desire, flirting, seduction/chase, etc. with a man;
2. Regain or buttress their self-esteem, self-confidence, and sense of femininity and desirability;
3. Reconstitute a proper reality testing (counterbalance my gaslighting and the inexorable pull of the shared fantasy) as well as a sense of normalcy (which is a relief, like waking up from a persistent nightmare);
When stalked in the shared fantasy and in the bargaining phase (having been ignored and pushed away forcefully), to ...
4. Force me to breakup with them, get rid of me by behaving so egregiously so as to mortify me.
I seek inferior or much younger women because: 1. They will accept kinky sex more readily 2. They will mother me because they have nothing else to do 3. I can play the Father role with them more convincingly and for longer.
Find and Buy MOST of my BOOKS and eBOOKS in my Amazon Store:
www.amazon.com/stores/page/60...

[@mariannami8049]

Dr. Vaknin, I must admit, I totally agree with you. I live with a narcissist husband. Over the years, I’ve felt that I’ve become more masculine and less feminine because my husband is a child all the time.

[@janesmith1862]

Oh my, me too... When it suits him to play the "man" card, he does... But when it doesn't suit him, he will very openly repeat the "new age" feminist talking points, and throw them in MY face. Its insanity. Better not ask him why its been a month and he still hasn't fixed the downstairs toilet... There should be no "gender roles." However, he will quickly ask why I haven't made dinner or done the dishes... SMDH. Insanity

[@caylabatts9270]

I sooooo feel this.

[@dianevanderlinden3480]

@@janesmith1862 I was seeing a guy who talked the 'progressive' talk, but objectified me more than anyone Ive ever known. He wanted to keep me in my place sexually (at his beck and call) but then understand him, take care of him, etc. A female friend of his referred to him as a 'puppy.' But he wanted to he could be a rabid deceitful dog.

[@mandistanke6387]

Bravo as always 👏

[@brendaplunkett8659]

It was also so helpful to see from the inside , to see what a shared fantasy looks like, and functions like with another couple . To see another intimate point of view without the intense emotion. To see it clearly and concisely and clinically. Thank you for being so eloquent and open. It was not wasted on me, Lol. I think the spell has broken.

[@jennifergoetzelman8853]

I think it takes a real man to admit mental illness. Thank you so much for speaking out & explaining so well the Narcissist.

[@lisyonok2023]

It always baffled me when my narcissistic (now ex) partner accused me of “not being feminine enough” and called me a “ball breaker”. One of us had to be man enough. And it’s hard to be a “ball breaker” when the other half has no balls to speak of.

[@khplaylistyt9729]

these narcs want you to be their everything. its infuriating

[@rw4754]

Many Narcs have kids & destroy them.

[@bellaapple2166]

Correction: Narcs have kids to destroy them. They don't love their children they don't even like their children, they constantly sabotage them, abuse and humiliate their children. Children are supply.

[@rw4754]

@@bellaapple2166 Yes. Don't forget the Borderlines who have kids so Mum can extort unconditional love from her child, while traumatizing her.

[@JessicaG1971]

This is heartbreaking. I recognize him in everything you're saying down to being noting to him but a mother and an audience.

[@GuaduSanz]

One of the complains i use to make to my narc ex partner was that he didn’t alow me to be a woman, to express my femininity. Very on point.

[@claudialyons2896]

Exactly the same I told him. And here is the real truth, so hard.

[@susanrose4792]

When I was 37 I had a psychotic break. I lost everything my home my children and people discriminated against me. It took me decades to get where I am today. I have many learning disability. Thank you for saying I’m OK. I wrote my autobiography to help people understand mental illness and in doing so humiliating myself by telling the truth. Like you said Sam people hate truth tellers.

[@susanrose4792]

@@ninath13 Thank you Thomas. I just had my house blessed yesterday. This morning you told me God bless you. My abuser died about a year ago. After being pushed out of bed in the middle of the night and landed on the floor hit my head while sleeping. I knew it was time to bless my house. I feel my abuser was still with me. I new a year ago it was only god that could save me. My abuser almost destroyed me physically mentally and spiritually.I swear he most took my soul the light in my eyes was almost gone. Thomas if you’re still in a relationship with your abuser like Sam says RUN!!!

[@NoName-ph5pg]

I really wish you could tell more

[@Princesslatifah]

My Ex is having a psychotic break and I'm desperate to know what might snap him out of the delusions. None of it makes sense and I have felt like facts would help me fight the battle but he refuses to listen to anyone other than himself. His NPD also gets in the way of debunking the looney stuff he says about phones, the internet, tracking and being watch. Fairly certain there are drugs involved to - any suggestions?

[@kimberlymorrison4880]

My ex told me he would rather that I have sex with someone but not love someone else. He took everything sexy I felt about myself away. No flowers, no gifts, verbally abusive. I provided a nurturing home, MY biological children as a family. Something he knew nothing about in life. We had a sexless marriage because of exactly the things you mentioned. I was angry at being the mom, the man, the wife. It's not possible to feel sexually attracted to your "man child".

[@Toni-ve6lx]

I'm sorry that you have come to know this dark, lonely experience. Your words resonate with me because it has been my reality for almost 15 years. I've moved out and started therapy. I dont think I'll have a shot at true peace until I am emotionally prepared for the backlash and the battle that will follow filing for divorce. May your recovery journey be filled with moments of unexpected joy & peace ❤

[@melanieoreilly2565]

Absolutely agree with you

[@YourSanDiegoREAgent]

You have helped me immensely. I am a co-dependent which I have known for a long time. What I didn't know was how this destructive mental illness affected my life nor was it ever explained by any therapist. Because of listening to your videos, I have become somewhat aware of childhood traumas, resulting co-dependency and how this drove my bad decisions. I am 71, in March of 2020 (beginning of pandemic) was discarded by my narcissist partner whom I had a relationship of over 40 years in a very cruel manner. Being able to process my issues saved my sanity. Thank you

[@locogideon]

Hope you are doing better these days Mary,happy Christmas to you from a fellow codependent

[@erinbreland9347]

I 100% agree that admitting to your illness and helping others is most respectable ! Most people ( my experience ) remain in denial of their issues. I’m sorry you have to deal these unsophisticated people .

[@kittkat2808]

Indeed Sam Vaknin can help and his explanation and advice is priceless. But... you do not believe he does that to help others, do you? 😅 It is all about he feels good about himself being the expert in many fields- theory and practise .

[@CK_2372]

☹

[@Melissa-lovinlife]

​@Kitt Kat I'm sure he feels good about it, but it's still a better way to use his narcissistic energies!

[@melisce4336]

You are the best expert out there on this subject. Thank you for all !

[@bimboastrology]

I think you’re one of the most intelligent ppl I’ve ever come across

[@RachelGerrard]

I dont like people who fake empathy. They soon turn on you when you dont give them the validation they want.

[@958342]

Omg! When you said the fact 21:29 that you are not a man to your woman doesn't allow her to be a woman to you really resonated with me. You hit the nail on the head for what I have been thinking and feeling in my relationship but could not articulate. Being a 'man' for was never about paying for the meal outside in a restaurant. It would go far beyond that. A man is supposed to be strong, stand by you, stand by his words most importantly, be consistent, not run a mile at a hurdle that might me experienced. Those are qualities I sought after in my soon to be ex-narc husband but did not see. I really think that affected me being a woman towards him. The failed promises from the biggest to the smallest things. The not showing up when promising he would. The lack of responsibilities within the relationship and household. I was shouldering it all.

[@christycomer373]

Me too…. Exactly the same here!

[@VonSaxons]

You will rarely -if ever - find someone who combines in depth knowledge and competency about a subject matter with the willingness and drive to tirelessly offer, explain, dissect it in such a way that even a haphazardly educated lemming like myself finds it interesting, learns, self reflects and is grateful for the opportunity to listen to this man. On top of this he has the greatness to overcome internal boundaries of shame and risks potential self humiliation by freely offering his personal experience and case study up for us to listen to. This is real greatness and it is appreciated by the one willing and open to learn. As for the sarcastic commenters: Pouring pearls to the pigs! - You just failed a chance to learn, but instead you provided a good view of what you see when you look into the mirror. Thank you Prof. Sam Vaknin! Wish you all the Best. Please keep it coming.

[@alicialeech6903]

I've been in a 29 year marriage where I've been controlled and manipulated continuously. My husband and I were finally tested using the MCMI-IV. It was decided he has NPD and HPD based on his extreme interpersonal exploitative and controlling behaviors. My test showed that I had some tendencies toward schizoid but it was hypothesized I appeared this way due to possible long term exposure to a narcissist. Mr. Vaknin, your lectures on this are very interesting to me. You stated schizoid has no sex drive, no desire to connect, and lack emotions. That's me. I have always felt like the masculine part of our relationship. He wants all kinds of foreplay, extended out over long periods of time, like play acting etc. I have no desire to connect in this way with him. I just want to do it and be done. Now that he's out of the house, my femininity is slowly coming back in interesting ways and I am beginning to feel emotions again as well. This is all very fascinating.

[@Toni-ve6lx]

I appreciate you for sharing this. I too felt a loss of my feminine self. I never associated it with the emotional abuse, stonewalling, etc. I have my own place niw. Your post gives me hope. Thank you

[@ViolaRigs]

Dear Prof Vaknin, Please don't worry about toxic people who criticise you. Please carry on with your job. You gave us hope and the deepest look into what we are experiencing in narcissistic abuse. Thank you so much for every video. No therapist has knowledge like you.thete is more healing from listening to your videos than from attending therapy for years

[@npcalexa2462]

Holy moly it is revolutionary! I am sure a lot of people follow this pattern just unaware. You have so much clarity!

[@cynthiacallowaycalloway5195]

I'm admire you for being so strong and honest

[@rw4754]

I wish a whole lot of people didn't have children. LOL. I didn't have children & I am not a Narc. I knew I wasn't healed from my own childhood & might inflict that poison on my kids.

[@rw4754]

@@blaqwitch7781 When I was younger people gave me a hard time telling me I was heartless - not a real woman. Now I am 61 & finally feel like I could be a parent. Anyway too many people in the World anyway & I don't need to add to that number.

[@rw4754]

@@blaqwitch7781 People have children for all sorts on unconscious & often selfish reasons. Jeez you need lessons & a license to drive a car, but you can drag an innocent human into the World & F it up.

[@dianevanderlinden3480]

sometimes not having children is the most unselfish thing a person can do.

[@rw4754]

@@justmemother2 I was Nanny to rich people's children at 21 years old, without training, experience or support. Also I had no authority. It was CRAZY.

[@kattrinaj6575]

Me too

[@auaticamazon]

I learn so much from your videos . Thank you for your openness and transparency. Those who insult you are indeed very sick

[@jewelann3600]

Sam, I appreciate the candid expression of yourself and the wisdom you share to assist us in our understanding of NPD, the narcissist and the role I/family member/intimate partner plays in the Narcissist's life. I would say that the best teachers are those who are mentally ill AND go beyond fear-to not only admit to ONESELF to having the condition, but to have the courage to admit it to a community of people who wish to point fingers at what they see as the problem, only wishing to condemn the "mentally ill" person as the problem. I respect you for your time and efforts to help us understand better, to shed light on the solution (knowledge is power, experience is wisdom). And as uncomfortable as it may be to understand the mind and actions of those who are high on the Narcissist Spectrum or have been officially diagnosed with NPD, I know that I can be part of the solution of living as healthy as possible in a mentally ill world. Your transparency is commendable.

[@saved3671]

Wow. Few days before my break up , my ex said to me that he doesn't feel like a man. I said to him ,that many times I was asking him to go out so I can feel like woman in the dress , because I do all . Painting walls, putting flooring,, doing shopping, cooking, cleaning, looking after kids , and what he does after work or even on days off ,is on the sofa on Instagram on the phone. And yet he is not feeling like a man. And blame every woman for his life. He started to compare himself to my teenage kids. He said, they on the phone , or day dont talk much. I did feel like I have 50 years old kid. Having kids I didn't have choice to look after them ,, my kids are not my ex kids. He was ok with them when they were little kids ,when they turn teenagers then he started to find fault and said they they don't listen, and that i dont listen . I didn't push my kids on him ,because he doest have his kids, and he said hmm he never wanted. Yet at the beginning he said to the kids that he didn't have family until he met me. So 10 years later he had enough, and I had enough to . Is all over and he even didn't talk to kids, because what he said he needs to heal . To late now few months passed. Watching your viodes I understand so much more. I always had to be father and the mother for my kids. What choice do I have, they have only me. So sometimes woman has no choice like to be strong , do what she can ,when man ( some man ) when bored go for another woman.

[@marilynrosario228]

I once confronted my narcissist about his porn addiction (which took the place of having sex with me). He responded by saying, "Mastubating is quick and easy, I don't have to put my mind to it. Having sex is too much work." How did I stay so long? 😢

[@user-o6ue45hz8nr2ap]

Creepy, horrible. No relationship

[@anabellaparis1]

25 years without intimacy. He says he doesn't have libido but is watching porn all the time.

[@simonar6492]

If you are a narcissist or not, you are an expert in psychology so the 'Nay sayers' are just inflated narcissists who have nothing to brag with. You are a treasure and your lessons are for free!

[@arpitpanchal9458]

Hi Dr Sam, It takes great courage to share what you have shared from your life experience, merely for the benefits of others, i have never seen someone being so honest/transparent (i have read many biographies, trust me). deep respect for you sir.

[@yanatiefbenkel2095]

Thank you for being so honest, clear and brave, Mr Vaknin! I have a lot of compassion for my narcissistic ex and don't hate him any more after your lectures as mental illness is such a heavy burden. I understand much better what had happened between me and him for all those years and how to help myself. Hope he'll also find a way to harmonize his life - without me, of course.

[@sauce7322]

Here you have it my fellow survivors ...THE TRUTH.

[@kyliesmith9782]

I don't even know know where to begin, so I'll just say this. Your candid, intelligent, highly informative, humorous, no bullshit approach is what I've needed in this fake veneer we call this existence. Thank you, Sir

[@RedLipDiary]

This is the most realist message Ive heard in a long time. We need to come together and help each other.

[@tammylele6711]

Nothing is more Attractive than being self aware of his/her mental instability and being transparent and out of their own will to help others. Looks aside...that should be irrelevant...its the heart ❤ You truly are a blessing. Some of us are suffering and we seek the truth..something you offer.

[@Lovepinkdress]

Pls forgive them for saying these things or just ignore as these people are all hurt people. You are doing fantastic job helping all of us. And this is an understatement. Thank you! PS. You get better looking with age btway, so I'm not sure what they are saying. 🤷‍♀️

[@samvaknin]

I took no offense whatsoever. Most people would agree with their assessment, actually.

[@taniaearle4457]

Yes I agree. Whatever Sam thinks about himself he's helped me immensely. He's self critical. As the Daughter of a 'Mummy Dearest' and enabling naive father I had no clue. Attracted new physcopths and narcistic characters with no defenses or understanding of what was going on!

[@gabrielabruno8479]

Prof. Vaknin, you have been one of my top masters in life and in my field, psychology. Don't ever quit!!!

[@taradulin211]

Thank you. I appreciate you and all of your excellent content ❤

[@zhollamychalis4252]

Bloody master class on the inner life of a narcissist. over a decade ago I followed instructions you laid out in a July 15, 2007 post titled...Adult Children of Narcissists where you explained how to minimize the behaviour of difficult (narc) parents. Mom was the narc....I the golden child. Thank you. It worked flawlessly. Baruch HaShem....

[@nexxusimpact]

Yes, I thought you are joking about being a narcissist because I got is as a weird sense of humor, This is the first time I see admitting to it seriously. I also think you are a great professor above all, making complex concepts easy to understand. I listen from start to end and sometimes I take notes.

[@queenofclovers]

When I had breast cancer scare, I was afraid I'd no longer be a woman and me wanting to be a woman ended the 17 yr shared fantasy within months.

[@timhook6049]

Please talk about the role of a cold abusive distant father in making of a male narcissist.

[@Sonam0789]

One Narcissist injures and the other, like you, helps with healing.. You are the dark knight. I can see how your sense of responsibility towards fellow humans makes you protective. You are emotionally insightful and remarkably brave. My prayers include you these days, Doctor.

[@schmidt838]

You are a treasure.

[@basicbeatch]

Thank you for your bravery to be honest and sharing. Thank you so much ❤

[@ciaraanderson5762]

The very best, most brutally honest thing I've heard! In truth, I am sorry for the negative responses you received for the answer to the questions we apparently asked you. I think it's ridiculous to watch anything you don't like, just to be hateful and judgmental is sad. Happiness is internal. We do make choices, and I'm so thankful someone else sees that people refuse to work on themselves. Instead, they numb out, look at others, and judge after vicariously living through all their different various lives through their screens, instead of pursuing their own beauty and happiness in their own lives. I've empathy, I also understand reality. Everyone is messed up and should take advice or don't and stay in our own lane.

[@Beretta99]

Those that say they look at you differently after listening to this obviously don’t understand the severity of a relationship with a narcissist and how dangerous and violent it can be your job is not to impress people or make them like you your job is to bring transparency and facts and that’s what you have done and that’s what people need to truly understand and get it their head so I appreciate and I’m thankful for what you have taught me and I have much respect for you

[@Reflect-ll1er]

My contempt is because of what or whom you can be....but you are not. .. . Because you choose to not be. ..... . wow Vaknin - this is brilliant. As well as exactly how I feel.

[@personface5457]

Huge respect for you Sam. I love listening to your videos. Thank you for helping me understand this intriguing condition.

[@AlsoIHateDonuts]

You are absolutely right about the way people condemn mental illness. In my opinion it takes someone with mental illness, to attack/insult another person they have never met online. I agree 100% with your statement, that this is the time people need to be sticking together and helping each other for the greater good, despite their differences. We are all about to experience a huge wake up call. We need to stand strong before all is lost.

[@claudialyons2896]

Dr. Vaknin… I am learning so much from your videos, thank you very much ! I am so surprised, that situations that I lived with my narc, where direct consequence of his narcisistic personality. I am so sorry for the terrible childhood you had, and cant experience the love. My narc told me the other day…I am very practical, and answered him… being so practical makes you resign empathy and emotions, you have to get that balanced. He isnt diagnosed, but fits with many of the narcisistic characteristics, but my doubt is, if he is a patological narcisistic or a complicated selfish egomaniac that can recover. I have to decide, the more I know, the better. He made some changes… but will be permanent or what ? Dont know. He always says he wants peace, but also is permanently looking for my reactions. I think he is a covert narcisist. Thank you for so much, Dr Vankin !!!!

[@colleenc4621]

Thank you so much for your videos and Frank honesty. It takes a real man with balls to be so honest about something that most would remain in denial about. And those whom you're helping the most are probably not so empty that they feel the need to lash out

[@melanieoreilly2565]

I absolutely agree with you on the comment you make about mental illness. Even something as innocuous as depression, someone once said to me "I'm not that kind of person" and I asked her what kind of person becomes afflicted with depression. I then drew her a drawing of neurons, the synapses if the nerve junctions and how neurotransmitters are passed from one neuron to the next, and how cortisol and adrenalin which are produced under stressors placed upon the body and brain, over which we have no control, uptake serotonin at the synapses of the nerve juntion, rendering us seritonin depeted and thus we become depressed whether we like it or not. I asked her how she intended to stop this process from happening, because all of this is controlled by our central nervous system. She had no answer. I then told her that she had just made the statement that is the equivalent of saying "I'm not the type of person who gets cancer". That shut her up right there and then.

[@olenjka55]

Carnivore diet heals depression too.

[@marciestoddard730]

@melanieoreilly2565 serotonin research is extremely new. We don't actually know what the exact role serotonin plays in depression. Others theorize it occurs due to trauma or early wounding, or that it's a spiritual problem. My point is that science isn't the whole truth. This is one theory they've used to push meds tho....

[@melanieoreilly2565]

@@olenjka55 Rubbish

[@melanieoreilly2565]

@marciestoddard730 Serotonin research is far from new. Serotonin Reuptake Inhibitors have been on the market for decades. They were preceded by Monoamine Oxidase Inhibitors, They were followed by Selective Serotonin Reuptake Inhibitors and there have been further advancements since that. Thank God for medical science.

[@melanieoreilly2565]

@olenjka55 Recent studies indicate that high protein, low carbohydrate diets, of which the carnivore diet is without a doubt the worst offender (as reported in the press at the end of May 2024) are extremely unhealthy, and very damaging to the kidneys. All these "extreme" diets are harmful. My own son followed the Atkins diet for 8 months, and lost weight rapidly, until one morning, he woke up and urinated blood. He has suffered from severe Gout ever since. The article I read discussed cardiovascular issues, and it would not surprise me in the slightest. Anything in the extreme is dangerous. I do know one thing though. Trying to reason with extremists is an exercise in time wasting. Let them learn their lessons on their own.

[@luiscaceres3717]

Thank you for being real honest you give us the tools to understand this type of personality so we can protect our self and our family without your insight your raw definition of this illness we wouldn’t have a clue how to face this problems...we appreciate what you are doing for us... thank you

[@GerdaHovius]

This intro you are an expert comedian too 😃🙏 and thank you for adressing and advocating against shaming people for having a mental illness and for explaining why being dismissive to people that are being open about their mental illness is harmfull and unnesscesary.

[@johanna5360]

You are GENIUS. I want you to know how valuable your presence is! Forever GRATEFUL to you(prof.) Sam are the one who has brought me to understand so much of what I knew but couldn't verbalise. I truly love your teachings! Thank you! You save so many from mental anguish and torments and you heal hearts and souls. ❤❤❤

[@Vivi-cu7ez]

They must think you are a traitor giving away their secrets! Of course he is self soothing when he lures you in and discards you. And he's basking in the belief that somewhere each of his discards is pining away. Lolol It's likely some are, but at least one :) has intellectualized the experience and is now fascinated with the inner workings of it. It's a great tool of desensitization- this information that I think only you could give.

[@michaelklein7449]

I so appreciate your authenticity in this video the whole video through. You're such invaluable help to all of us.

[@janinepretorius2213]

These video’s and your deep understanding of the dynamics of narcism will be your legacy, and what a legacy! Thank you, as these videos helped me to understand things I couldn’t while being in a relationship with a narcissist, and helped me to get out and keep my sanity. It also helped me to still have compassion for him instead of treating him badly. I can’t thank you enough for giving us an insight into your world.

[@susanrose4792]

Sam I know why my narcissist chose me. I gave him the three S l was broken mentally but he didn’t know I found you and realized what he was doing. I am the one that got away. You’re right they tried to turn you into zombies. I was close to being one. I swear he almost took my soul. I’ll keep this video and replay it and replay it. I can’t think of one video I haven’t enjoyed of yours. I call you Sam because it seems like I almost know you. Thanks again Professor!!!

[@NatachaPastore]

Respect for your vulnerability and honesty. Thank you for your channel :)

[@Amalie-dg5yp]

I am so thankful , that you talk about this to soooooo many people here , I totally agree with you, mentally illness must be out speaken and not put under the ground. Thank you for your work , I hope you go on and on like you do now.

[@canofrockstar]

ive learned so much from this channel that my interactions with narcissists are becoming much better.

[@claudieC.]

We call that a man child. A person that appears like an adult man, but is actually a child and needs to be cared for and validated with praise and adored, provide services, care for, but to a narcissist manchild not a child.

[@samvaknin]

No. In the case of the narcissist it is ONLY a child. There is no hint or trace of a man. So, no, the narcissist is not even a MANchild.

[@artsyalkalearnandgrowbeaut3731]

“You are just healthy guy. You are not a narcissist.”😂😂 These individuals are so crazy. Thank you Dr. Vaknin for another amazing video!

[@dharavasishth]

i dont understand, please explain ❤😅

[@artsyalkalearnandgrowbeaut3731]

@@dharavasishth Listen to his video! It’s in that context.

[@Kangaroo211]

This is such a good video professor. You’ve given so much clarity into the complexity of a narcissistic mind and their relationships. Ignore the critics, they haven’t spent enough time on your content to gain a deeper knowledge. I love your work, please don’t stop…you’ve helped more than you’ll ever know ❤

[@linanndlima7599]

I really appreciate your candid honesty. Keep up the good work.

[@maryjoe2311]

Ever grateful Prof.vaknin for your undiluted truth about topics, I must say that I'm blessed to have found ur channel. Thanks again and may you be blessed more. Well done Prof.vaknin.

[@kimstravels9820]

Thank you for all you share. I very much appreciate you!

[@judycannatelli6800]

I am shocked and amazed by your honesty! Thank you so much. Your explanations help me to such a degree . You are changing the world. I will be eternally grateful. Knowledge is indeed power.

[@MS-mk5rx]

I really have to stay sharp to be able to follow your mind and process your intellectual information everytime! I do not always agree or support what you are teaching, but actually.. i think you are nothing less than a hero to this generation and all the next!! Thank you for your honesty.. you are helping a lot of women who have been through this misery with a narc. And thank you for explaning the abnormal world of a narc. I have learned so much from you..please continue! Great respect for you. Greetings, monica. Ps. I wish there where more of you! Nothing to be ashamed about, rather proud!

[@ninawire9006]

Thank you for the precious information. It is high time we realise that only through helping and supporting one another will we be able to live under such harsh circumstances.

[@evangelinestarkist5171]

I don’t know what to say about these low vibrating people who would do and say these disparaging remarks. I admire you so much and so look forward to your videos. Your willingness to jump into the swirl of humanity is nothing less than heroic. Yes, your heart is huge. I tend to be a narcissist’s magnet (I am sure I have my share of the same)so you have been so helpful to me! Thank you from the bottom of my personal heart!

[@biolettiruth7715]

Great talk Sam so real, it helps me understand your position. There must be many relationships like yours that people perceive as immoral or strange. You’re honesty is admirable and insightful...people need to understand others and not be so judgmental.

[@ireneabbou104]

Thank you so so so much for all of this vital information. I have literally been listening to you every day and I am understanding behaviors that were making me feel completely out of my mind. What you are doing with your videos is a true gift. You are right the people that are being agressive and cruel with you are the ones that truly need help.

[@sbjames2118]

Thank you, Dr Sam. My first experience with Narcissism, up close and personal, I was so confused by my partner's behavior but, your lectures in University stayed with me. I found your lectures on KZbin and my comfort zone and self respect are stil intact. I applaud your bravery and appreciate your academir honesty and willingness to share your knowledge

[@vickie6662]

I admire your transparency. Thank you for being so open. I agree with you, people with mental illnesses should be given the same level of compassion as those with physical illnesses. The issue is the deliberate efforts of so many mentally ill people to punish those willing to stand by them. It's debilitating to those trying to stay in relationship with them. I stayed for 30 years in a marriage, abused routinely by the narcissist who really seemed to enjoy it, and upped his game regularly. Sadly, I finally had to admit I couldn't help. I walked away feeling if I couldn't help, at least he knew he had known love.🤷‍♀️

[@olivedeflorez9378]

Respect , for your self awareness , honesty & courage .. thank You

[@veralevy7036]

Thank you Sam for being so honest, you can be proud of yourself, or of your falls self as you have described it! Do not listen to the creeps, accusing you of all kind of things those are cowards, hiding behind a chat on google ‏תודה רבה תמשיך עם כל העבודה שאתה עושה!

[@angelicamaster1324]

Thank you for your time and extensive service to us.

[@fucktheconstitution]

Thank you so much, so grateful for the knowledge you share and continue to share . You have taken a part in saving my life from deep sadness and suffering and I really admire and also feel inspired by you and they way you help others sharing your knowledge. Thank you

[@user-hn9bi2xd2n]

I'm very proud of you for your courages and bravery acts and come clean! And you are such a man to say, admit, accept, aware and shRe the truth to the whole world to help others. You are helping me to understand my husband.

[@Akbobin]

You have saves me a world of pain, by being sharing. I really appreciate you.

[@shannonmariamiller2138]

You are doing a KIND service. I watched a free videos as my husband deteriorated, but I wasn’t sure or I didn’t want to label him, or it compounded my exhaustion believe this while I deal with his abuse. Your introduction in this video cemented something for me to help me realize with more certainty what I have been up against. Thank you. THANK YOU!

[@gypsyroadstudioheathertena5649]

I appreciate you and your willingness to share. Your knowledge has been extremely helpful

[@fxynan]

Better late than never, I so appreciate these videos, so excellent and very helpful.

[@tia6468]

Prof Sam you have Trauma bonded me!!! Cant scroll over any of your videos without feeling compelled to leave everything and watch! I love and find your content very enlightening and educational.

[@SleepyLeeeee]

I have learned so much from your videos. I have even read further into various subjects that you talk about. There is a lot of information on here to absorb and I thank you for that. I also see talking about your experience as strong, truthful, and refreshing. So many people lie to themselves and others. I think in a lot of ways the world subverts the power of truthfullness by shaming it. Because people just can't handle it.

[@Melissa-lovinlife]

I appreciate what you do! Thank you for all you do for mental illness and all you do for humanity!! You help to create a beacon of light for many.

[@carolwille1314]

Hi Dr. Vaknin, thank you so much for your openness and honesty!

[@brendaplunkett8659]

I find you so brave and inspiring. To take your circumstances and be so candid and to use your tremendous intellect to help struggling people. Thank you. I cant believe people would write you and express those vile opinions. It says more about them than you.

[@RGB-jk4fb]

I'm very grateful for all of the education you share here. Thank-you.

[@flash11923]

Damm sam you put it out there. Kudos to you....

[@JJ-555]

Thank you so much for sharing this information…it is helping me make sense of who I was truly dealing with. This is a huge problem many people may never understand that they are dealing with

[@Denise00700]

This is the best and most helpful video I have ever seen.

[@Carmen-lb1rq]

Thank you. Your geniality helped me to escape!

[@dunjavandenberg2389]

I am gratefull for all the information you share with us. After 4 years of not understanding what was going on with my boyfriend, I do now! So much AHA moments. Thank you so much

[@TheMrsansari]

Im glad you made these videos. It helped me so much to understand what happened in my relationship

[@zibart.byInnaZibart]

Horrible what people (women & maybe also men) write to you, Sam! You are awesome! You help us, who suffered from narzissistic abuse so much with your information! The way you use your narzissism for helping people is amazing! Thank's a lot!

[@corpsman069]

You do get something out of all this. You get to know that you are trying to help humanity out of this mess it has gotten itself into, which is more than most are doing. None of us are perfect by any stretch, but the ones who are trying to do better even when it's not always easy should be applauded because that takes real courage. Something most people don't have, especially those who TRIED to put you down. Says more about them and who they are and that they are part if not the ring leaders of this mess we desperately need to get out of and transcend to a better place that can actually take pride in calling ourselves human. I thank you, sir.

[@camouflagekama8370]

I appreciate your honesty and telling the truth. I see it. Thank you Doc!

[@kimberlybritain6747]

You are knowledgeable, and greatful you continue to have security with your followers, such as I. You are right, and I'm learning a lot. Your humor is great. Please continue. Again, thank you.

[@br5927]

Very instructive videos thanks Sam for your help

[@quinsettagrace483]

Thank you so much for your work and for confirming to me that people who suffer from narcissism are valuable human beings, despite the difficulties of having them as relatives and friends. They are broken, not evil.

[@hereisayana8207]

LOL

[@wendeelouhew]

This was fascinating. Thank you for giving us a different perspective.