How narcissistic relationships make you DEBASE yourself

[@sparkygump]

Pay attention when someone constantly devalues you. They are grooming you. Don't let them. They're not worth it.

[@WithAnEss]

Especially if the devaluation is labeled as humorous, nothing is funny about devaluation in any form.

[@Passionate_Aria]

Amen to that!

[@Passionate_Aria]

@@WithAnEss exactly

[@Plumduff3303]

❤❤❤​@@WithAnEss

[@Plumduff3303]

​@@WithAnEssmy mum always did that

[@finchman1]

Debasement is like setting yourself on fire to keep the narcissist warm.

[@texasrefugee7888]

Great post and how true

[@finchman1]

@ Thank you 🙏🏽

[@NameFirst-jv9gj]

Wow 😳! Perfect way of expressing it!

[@casperinsight3524]

👀🤯😳

[@lorraines.75]

This is the best explanation I've ever read concerning this. Pure genius! Kudos!

[@matilda1505]

And they kick you the hardest when you’re already on the ground.

[@veronicakiwanuka247]

Tell me about it

[@shaniecegullison]

This

[@Whiterosesandpeacelilies]

Yes.

[@texasrefugee7888]

Absolutely

[@Lovelytrini82]

Yes, I was so down. I was suicidal and this man left me knowing what I did. Thank God I survived but that’s when it clicked he truly doesn’t care about me

[@NarcSurvivor]

They get you to question yourself. They discredit you. And then you focus all your time on trying to please them. But by doing that you’re neglecting yourself, by catering to them. They’re not encouraging you to improve anything about yourself. They’re training you to make everything about them. And of course that is not going align with what’s best for you. It’s your insecurities that keep you stuck with them, which is why they make you insecure.

[@ruthslater6364]

BINGO

[@clericoflight476]

And the moment you fail to meet their impossible expectations, they fling your self-neglect back in your face and call it a moral failing on your part.

[@oneofakind3818]

🎯

[@rubberbiscuit99]

Well said. To be "with" one is to be ground down under their heel. No, thanks.

[@teresadvorak6145]

It's also their own insecurities they are mirroring in us ❤❤❤❤

[@ARUN_339]

This lady has tremendous knowledge about human psychology ❤

[@trudiegordon6327]

Thank God for her!

[@teresadvorak6145]

She has helped me tremendously the last 3 or 4 years. I'm healing & growing and casting off narcs like never before ❤

[@slimshany4602]

Clinical psychologist

[@susanv1535]

When you have walked the walk, and educated, you can help more people.

[@jeanneparrish514]

Dr. Ramini talks the talk because she's walked the walk. She knows exactly what she's talking about. She has helped me wake up and see what he has been doing to me. I'm now on my way out. I've known this narcissist for 51 years. And after 40 years of no contact I was contacted by a family member who told me his brother (a friend) committed suicide. So that opened the door and the last 7 years has been an on and off nightmare. He's made me homeless with a future fake. He's said he loves me and in the next breath accused me of being with other people. It's sad and disgusting and Dr. Ramini has helped me to snap out of that trauma bond. I can't afford therapy so this is how I cope. I'm actually leaving him today. There is no fixing someone who doesn't see anything wrong with how they treat others And most of all when you point it out things get worse and the older a narcissist gets the meaner and selfish they get. Theres no way to communicate with a narcissist.

[@danielcarruth8349]

After seven years in the most wonderful relationship ever, I can finally listen to these videos without getting angry. The healing does happen

[@trudiegordon6327]

The longer you are away the more you can value yourself and you find you are wary of ever being in that situation again

[@Mimienan59]

And me just by being happy single and in 20 year relationship with myself learning to love myself , I can hear this without getting to triggered. It can work just with relationship with GOD.

[@Michi.bellaz]

So true

[@kitten1990]

I’m happy for you. I was in a bad one for only 8 months, been over a yr and I still get angry lol! One day I won’t get angry anymore

[@hannahfeghaly1994]

Yes it does!

[@sushmayen]

We constantly think about how to deal with their invalidation and devaluation and lose confidence. But rising from ashes like a Phoenix and healing is very important.

[@well_weathered]

❤

[@gwenjohn8673]

After he was done with me; I did not recognise myself. I did things I never in a million years imagined I would do, I am ashamed of the way I showed up in the world. I feel like I need to take a shower in my soul. These ppl are so self serving

[@lauragrolla5916]

“I feel like I have to take a shower to my soul.” So beautifully said. Tears.

[@shaniecegullison]

Ughhh don't I sooo relate to that

[@rebekah4792]

This. Ugh so spot on. But for now we will heal and with time become healed from their rotten wounds

[@thingsilearnedthehardway]

🎯🎯🎯 YES it feels like my soul will never be the same...you said it so perfectly😭😭 I hope we can all find a way to get this cleared from ourselves, it is truly the worst!!! Thank you for sharing and putting words to this feeling so many of us are experiencing! Blessings and strength to you!!

[@MDM-wb3in]

Karma is real

[@jessl1984]

‘When I’m not having to bow down and eat shit to maintain a relationship’ hahahaha I love you Dr Ramani, the best. Just so true!

[@melodysanquist4834]

I agree!

[@karentrail8077]

I so appreciate you. I became exhausted and could barely get out the door at times. I feel validated by you that I can get better. I can live alone, it won’t be the end of the world.

[@trudiegordon6327]

I have come out of it and believe me being alone is far superior to being buried by a man in every sense of the word. I have learnt to love myself and be me again without being crushed constantly and putting up with bad moods and tantrums. I have found my music, freedom, creativity, friends, family and best of all me and learnt with Dr Ramani's help what that car crsh was all about!!!!

[@rterrigino]

Hang in there. I live alone also. Been seperated from #3 going on 8 years. The last 3-4 years have been the most peaceful of my entire life. It may take you awhile as each of our paths are different, but you too will also finally get there.

[@karentrail8077]

@ thank you for the kind words. It is really hard because so many just say up and leave. I did into another house away from him but the de programming is challenging. Have a good morning.

[@bridgettsass917]

​@@karentrail8077I've had to go no contact with my family of origin, all of whom are narcs; that includes severing ties with the woman who gave birth to me. It's been the toughest year of my life to squarely face the truth about who these people are, but I believe I'm over the worst of the grieving. Daily Neurocycling has been very helpful to keep track of my body, thoughts and feelings and make sure I nurture myself holistically. I recommend Dr Caroline Leaf's book, Cleaning Up Your Mental Mess, if you're interested, to do the daily work. Take care ❤

[@texasrefugee7888]

Same here! And I began to have all kinds of different physical and somatic symptoms such as headaches, arthritis, stomach aches.

[@rebellaire55]

As a child of a narc, debasement is a way of life. Unlearning all of it little by little

[@bereal6590]

Very true ✌

[@R0S3inC0NCR33T]

They starve you of self-reflection, of growth. And then they call you immature.

[@BirdeyBoi88]

This video hits harder than most

[@trudiegordon6327]

They say they love you but they disrespect your time and emotions and leave you hanging so that you never know what they are thinking or doing resulting in emotional insecurity. No openness is tragic and guessing games are not fun. If you tell them the truth they retreat and will not talk a no win situation. What you said before about being ignored as a child and being reprimanded for being you has a lot of basis for how you are treated in adulthood and what you expect back from others. I have always battled against injustice yet allowed a narcissist to control me for 19 years, few of those living with the nasty, cruel man and when I tunnelled out and got my own home he hated it not accepting blame for his actions. Impossible to live with.

[@Jessica-zf2df]

When they start a sentence with "the problem with you" and you immediately feel a belittling coming up. Another I get often is "this isn't a criticism". Of course it is 😕

[@lesleyelalami2562]

Spot on!!! ..... a childhood friend visited and during our conversation she piped up out of nowhere "You know what's wrong with you (Really?!!!!)... you don't spend enough time or money on yourself, but that's going to change, you can come out every week with me."!!!! LOL. I got warning bells banging away in my head and chest but just calmly responded 'Oh Trish, this is not for me..... it's for you isn't it?'. She visibly shot back looking stunned then composed her cheeky self and responded 'Well..... yes, but I'd think you'd benefit'. Turns out her 2 socialising buddies had just blown her off and she was isolated and needed someone to socialise with but was too proud to be truthful. Loved your comment. xxx

[@Jessica-zf2df]

@@lesleyelalami2562 good for you speaking out to her. I hate it when people try and tell you what you want/need. Or what mood you're in. Or what you're like. It's designed to put you down.

[@thevikingbeard89]

Or the "you gotta take some criticism" or they deny everything you speak about until you give in to them being right and you saying you'll fix yourself.

[@lesleyelalami2562]

@@Jessica-zf2df .... and it's an attempt at getting into the driving seat of YOUR life. Control freaks who can't/wont even control themselves so they manifest the behaviour externally imho. xxx

[@Michelehoffman-q7c]

My stepson..."I've had a problem with you for thirty years." As if...if he only knew the problem I had with him from day one...

[@alliwarwick5590]

Every time I questioned his warped thinking he went silent. You find youself not asking because you'll never get an answer....so that conditions your responses because you don't want to hurt them....AND this, my friend, is the start to your road to HELL. been there and went insane. NEVER AGAIN.

[@debbiejahnke8724]

I hated myself as a kid because I felt like I deserved my misery. It still crops up at times but I do have a lot more ability to care for myself in the face of that.

[@Chercheure_Indépendante]

I know the feeling. For instance, my alcoholic father asked me to spy on my mother and report to him when I was less than 8 years old. I now avoid most people because most people don't deserve me for I have no time to waste anymore. Only if I have proofs to trust, I believe but not before that.

[@1Airwaving]

@@debbiejahnke8724 💐

[@johndoe6188]

You define yourself, don't let ANYONE bring you down, including yourself, you can do this ❤

[@debbiejahnke8724]

@ thank you 🙏

[@debbiejahnke8724]

This is a great bit of info. Thank you. It pretty much hits all the male significant relationships in my life. Eat shit and then you can see your sister. Eat shit and then I’ll help you with something you can’t do alone. Eat shit and then I’ll be kind to you. Eat shit and I’ll “love” you. Eat shit and then you have value. Don’t eat shit and you’re on your own. Don’t eat shit and we’ll withdraw everything and you’re not loved.

[@beverlyadams7205]

I got tired of eating shit just to be noticed or included in family get togethers. I When stop seeing my overt narcissist daughter, my other daughter got angry with me for thinking of myself. I came to realize that she was a covert narcissist herself. She has turned the rest of the family against me. I’m 76. I have no family.

[@trudiegordon6327]

@@beverlyadams7205 You are better off without - be you without all the nonsense. Enjoy!

[@Floridafanatic28]

@@beverlyadams7205 That's got to be difficult for you and my heart goes out to you. I'm so sorry this has happened to you. I hope you can find love and support from others, it sounds like you deserve it.

[@bobbarker1798]

Good comment. Nobody wants that kind of love.

[@lauragrolla5916]

So well said! Simple and direct. I will remember better now.

[@beverlyadams7205]

My inner child has not been affected by the narcissists in my life. She is happy and healthy, outspoken and joyful. When I let her run free, I’m a happy person.

[@Buckley-qk6fq]

Being with my ex narc for the past 8 yrs. made me observe this very pattern. I think they wanted to feel very important in a way that is disturbing. Instead of building trust with their intimate partners, they destroy the trust that they built with you (in that case lying when they tried to put you in their pedestal). Once they have a committed partner, they can’t stand being loved authentically by one person. Instead they go on and prey on other women that is susceptible to their love bombing. My ex narc was a compulsive pursuer in a relationship. He would go back and forth to the women he were involved before or try to meet women in complicated situation so that going public isn’t an option while having you as their main supply. In the end they destroy the very person that loved them. They are like toddlers testing your love for them. Showing and telling them you love them isn’t enough, they will cheat on your face to make you feel inadequate even if you are more than they deserve. They want to test your love for them so they keep hurting you and when you have enough of their abuse, you leave. Then they tell you, ‘you never loved me because you abandon me’. Well in fact it’s their actions and narcissistic behavior that made you leave or in other cases they discard you and will give silly reasons of the discard. Mine would use, ‘she’s crazy’, ‘she’s a nega-star’, ‘she insults me’, ‘she cheated on me’ et al. So with this pattern of infidelities and emotional abuse (who knows what else) it’s better to walk away. I did walk away and is now rebuilding my life with our daughter. We are struggling financially because I’m not earning enough to provide for my daughter but now we get to laugh and bring with us sunshine every day. No lies, no abuse and no fake love. We only live once, forgive yourself and move forward but never forget the lesson that narc abuse taught you. That is to respect yourself to walk away from what’s hurting and destroying you. That you deserve a life of solitude, happiness and love. Hugs*** :) Additionally I got to know about my narc husband bad ways when I reach out to a private detective digitalinvestigate@gmail. com for help he did a perfect work for me I can see everything he’s doing on his device.

[@DoobieDoo-u5e]

It’s true leaves you wanting to be alone

[@sheriemurphy]

You want to be alone to rediscover yourself, relearn your likes and dislikes without judgement and enjoy the freedom to do so.I am 78 with no money so leaving is not possible but I feel relief when I here stories of others that made it out of their misery.

[@matthewwozniak9138]

Self talk is a big part of who you are.

[@marysisak2359]

I ended up in an alcohol treatment center at 32. I lived and held a very good job in CT at the time and my family lived in NJ. My company supported me, had made all the arrangements and insurance paid for most of the cost. Months after I got sober my mother stated that I had embarrassed the family because of going into the treatment center. I said I live out of state no one needed to even know I was there, you did not have to tell anyone. Her response was "Of course I did". I knew better than to pursue that conversation any further.

[@trudiegordon6327]

If you worked on yourself and recovered and stayed off alcohol that is a huge achievement and your mother should have supported that and commended you. It takes guts to do what you did and not accept any handouts. Well done.

[@DominieRobinson]

Excellent for you helping yourself in Spite of the dysfunction in your family

[@bobbarker1798]

Wow! Do they hear themselves? That's awful but typical of narcissist.

[@teresadvorak6145]

I'm proud of you for it !!!❤❤❤

[@lorigbasmajian3843]

Don't underestimate your mother wanting you to relapse so she can control you

[@cynthiarouse]

Don’t learn the hard way. This lady is very knowledgeable. Listen and learn. These people appear in your lives as ‘everything you’ve ever wanted’ and they are, until they have you in their thrall. Believe me when I tell you this: if you live through the continual humiliation and degradation you will be so beaten down and physically diminished you won’t recognize yourself any longer. It takes a full decade to recover from their emotional terrorism and cancer, they are an emotional cancer that ends with your complete devastation. Coverts are the worst because they are deeply masked. Their narc rage is beyond frightening. These people slay their partners everyday. Run Block no contact. The flying monkeys are even worse.

[@mykljamz]

I’ve realized I while back that I debase myself for my cult family… I’ve been learning & improving

[@imsunnybaby]

im so happy for you and i bless your healing. you deserve dignity

[@joycleckley2881]

Oh mu god, same here. My blood family was a horrible cult of talking about each other, especially our mother. Discussing each adult child business with the other sibling when she was told NOT to do that. I learned in my 20's not to tell her private info. But she would ask questions trying to pick us to death!!!

[@cristina7317]

This is that lingering destroying aftermath that lasts long after the relationship ended Unfortunately many victims remain damaged for life in an ongoing self-sabotaging vortex It's hard to escape that vortex and reset yourself especially if it's been ingrained into you by your narcissistic mother from day 1 when you came into this world Going no contact is detoxing and allowing you to see reality for what it is All my love sent to those beautiful souls who are in the search of themselves wandering in the middle of the ocean at night alone and scared

[@shaniecegullison]

❤💪 😢❤

[@PotsandPansWhatsPotsandPans]

The message is finally dawning, I only get self abandonment from all my fawning.

[@MK-91313]

this is so true it hurts to hear

[@trying2survive602]

When Dr. Ramani was pretending to bombard the viewer with negative messages just like the narcissist, it brought tears to my eyes. That was a core memory of all the years of abuse I endured in my relationship. I left 4 weeks ago today and haven't looked back!!!❤

[@mamichulahazeleyes]

*I'm glad you made this video,* it reminds me of my transformation from a nobody to good home, $89k biweekly and a good daughter full of love..

[@GrinvalskyMchone]

Please how ?

[@GrinvalskyMchone]

Am a born Christian and sometimes I feel so down 😭 of myself because of low finance but I still believe God😞

[@mamichulahazeleyes]

It's Maria Angelina Alexander doing she's changed my life. A BROKER- like her is what you need.

[@mamichulahazeleyes]

$356K monthly is something you should feel differently about....

[@markjason7]

Lovely! I enjoyed it like I enjoy a $100k monthly around the turn!!!

[@DamonvanDerSalm]

Believing when your spouse tells you that you are a "horrible person"

[@ruthslater6364]

His favorite word for me. After 10 years I just finished his sentence fir me. " YES THATS ME A HORRIBLE PERSON "

[@DamonvanDerSalm]

@ruthslater6364 I witnessed my mother in law do it to her husband and now my wife does it to me. Sometimes she'll use it on herself just to be able to play the victim card. It's uncanny

[@actuallyican4250]

WOW! This just explained my entire life to me. I've been trying to figure out why I've always seen myself as garbage and lowered myself in all avenues. No matter the degrees and successes, I put myself down and didn't trust my own guidance, wow, thank you for the insight!

[@imsunnybaby]

you deserve to trust yourself

[@SLIONS-go9wq]

By the end of my "relationship," me sucking was the only thing my ex and I agreed on. What a blessing to be finally free from his bondage and my own.

[@lauragrolla5916]

I loved this comment: the only thing we agreed on was me sucking. I think that’s where my son and I are. Thank you for making me smile…painfully.

[@MM-gk5of]

This is descriptive of my childhood, even during my young adulthood. At 70, I am F ing DONE

[@lostredsock6989]

I can see clearly now, the rain is gone I can see all obstacles in my way Gone are the dark clouds that had me blind It's gonna be a bright (bright), bright (bright) Sun-shiny day It's gonna be a bright (bright), bright (bright) Sun-shiny day...

[@WithAnEss]

Debasement began with sarcastic comments, "its jus jokes"... Devalue, discredit, discard. If a comment is degrading at the core, be aware...it started.

[@joannm5981]

Thissss!! I no longer date men who say “I’m sarcastic, and I hope you don’t mind roasting each other “ bye narc 👋🏼

[@katkat521]

Yes! I have recognized that I had to debase every one of my supports to keep my mom satisfied. I stopped doing this a year ago and recently she told me that I turned on her. NO, I turned towards me. I have learned that less is more, as far as information I share with her, and when I practice this, I no lnoger debase myself or others.

[@teresadvorak6145]

Good open mind & good attitude 👏!!! My fellow narc abuse Survivor ❤❤

[@earthrooster1969]

On a different note..loving your rich green sweater...suits you so well...and reminder that Christmas is not far away ❤

[@matilda1505]

You’re looking forward Xmas ? Lucky bastard.

[@ccharles848]

Yes, very pretty color on you.

[@Shreyaaaa0610]

everytime i think "maybe it wasnt so bad or narcissistic even after all" before i click your videos, and then there you go, you prove me wrong in each and every word you utter doc.

[@1Airwaving]

@@Shreyaaaa0610 👍🏼👍🏼👍🏼👍🏼!

[@debbiejahnke8724]

Also the part about them feeling like they love you when you debase yourself. I’ve struggled with this feeling of “pseudolove” I feel like they “loved me” (my parents) but it wasn’t real. They just didn’t know it. So you spend years feeling like somethings wrong but you don’t know what it is. And now that my parents are passed there’s no way to share it with relatives or friends. It’s a private source of suffering. If you share you risk being shut down. So it takes a ton of energy either way. I feel like my brain body and spirit have taken a lot of knocks in life. You cross certain thresholds and your body just isn’t the same anymore.

[@jeaneteisenblatter74]

Emotional Healing helps. The Praying Medic has a few books on Amazon. Think one is free on audible ❤

[@tinawilkes3008]

Oh my gosh! This is so right. My current husband has to keep correcting me for debasing myself still to this day. "No. You aren't fat.", "You are not ugly!", "You aren't stupid." The ex never disagreed or acted like I wasn't those things. He just laughed and said things like "You said it, not me." His passive aggressive level was 10. But it was reduced if I debased myself.

[@lorianttila9698]

Debasement. That is what he did. That Is what I did. Ty Dr Ramani for helping me get a clear view. I will be watching this video multiple times, especially at those weak moments.

[@gigicolada]

Wow. Absolutely did not think this video would pertain to me and my situation but here we are. Wow.

[@notagain779]

The F bomb from Dr. Ramani! 😂😂😂😮 Yes, I agree that to have to call yourself stupid or no good to get a few kind words from the narcissist is definitely "F-ed up" big time.

[@imsunnybaby]

😢

[@PaulaSmith-c3r]

I realised recently I was subconsciously doing this 24/7. I have always worked so hard to prove myself not realising I don't need to 😢

[@REBEKAHJOHNSON-lh6xh]

This is sick. I think I really have adopted this throughout my life. It’s really sad. I have been out for nearly 3 years and I’m still working to unbury myself. Sheesh. But I had to endure 33 1/2 years of my life with it.

[@ruthgodfrey6955]

20 years here

[@1Airwaving]

@@REBEKAHJOHNSON-lh6xh It takes time! Can’t say how long , I assume it’s different for each person. In any case, I cannot imagine that at least to degree after a time~~, you’ll at least start to feel more like I do, which is this:🗽🗽🗽. > assuming you are y stuck with any other narcissistic jerks. Best wishes💐.

[@thingsilearnedthehardway]

Thank you SO much for this video and for EVERYTHING you do for us!!! Never has any resource captured this experience the way you perfectly explained it here!!! I have yet to figure out how to really heal..... this is the most disgusting thing that's ever happened to me , I live in a space between disbelief that this could happen and petrified despair because IT DID HAPPEN...there is now sickness and dark where I used to feel sunny and bright... and I'm horrified, terrified of the evil I've been witnessing for so many years, so ashamed of all of it, scared that my soul won't ever recover. The many ways you describe this, such as the poison of debasement seeping into the groundwater of our selves, the precious metal being mixed in with something corrosive, every one of these descriptions has SUCH perfectly incredible accuracy!!!!!!!! And that's EXACTLY it, we have to EAT SHIT to "get anything done" (because it's near impossible to get ANYTHING done) when we are forced to deal with these fuckers!!! It is SO DEEPLY FUCKED UP and I'm SO glad you said it!!!!!!!!! You are doing so much for so, so many people and you are SO loved and appreciated for your wonderful, brilliant, authentic self. I also love your green sweater!❤ 💚 All the love and blessings to you, Dr. Ramani!!

[@1Airwaving]

@@thingsilearnedthehardway Rings a bell-loudly!! I, too , was basically “ sunny and bright” , pre- narcissus. I think those walking toxicities are drawn to us. Not even to bask in/ learn/ share our joy,, but if I have this right, they derive joy in squashing people’s light!!! Yuk.

[@daycarneiro203]

This is it! She's just explained exactly how I used to feel in my last relationship....as if my true self -which was much better than whole crap they would try to pass as real or better - was not right, or as if I was naive or with a low sense of interpretation about life or people. It feels like a pact with the devil on which they offer you a crappy thing painted as awesome but in return they take or destroy your real valuable treasures.

[@ccharles848]

🤯 My mind is blown! Dr. Romani, I have been watching your videos for a couple years now and own your book. All have been so helpful to me as I am a child of an overbearing narcissistic mother and kind, but spineless father, and big sister who is the meanest flying monkey, and two other siblings who are caught up in it all as well. I have been no contact for many years. I was even disowned by my horrible mother from 2008-2014. I struggle every day because, although I am so relieved by being no contact, I suffer from a very intense combination of guilt and anger. I recently started to see a trauma therapist and the healing journey is beginning for me. It is uncomfortable because so much is coming up. This video on debasement is spot on for me and my convoluted relationship with my mother in particular- and some closer friendships/boyfriends in the past. I need to deprogram myself. That is the word! I will save this video and listen to it a few more times to really let it all sink in. Thank you for sharing some personal references as well. I am grateful for your words and inspiration. Please keep up the good work. We need and appreciate your help. (It IS fucked up btw. Correct phrasing and the f word is required!)

[@lesleyelalami2562]

She's amazing isn't she, she's an earth angel guiding and healing us all. I sincerely hope she has her own personal wailing wall and advisor/protector - we all need one. God bless and I trust your situation will ease. xxx

[@ccharles848]

@ thank you. That’s sweet.

[@jrhc3827]

It is so true--"Put your face in the mud, and then they'll love you." I could never understand how my mother could be so consoling and seemingly loving when I failed yet so seemingly jealous and DEBASING when I succeeded or was proud of myself. It was terribly confusing. Still nauseates me.

[@bereal6590]

Yes, same here that's my mother and father. He does it to her and to me, she does it to me. I was her biggest supporter yet she threw me under the bus. She does the rescuer pity thing when im down in the dirt, it's very sickly. If things have been good in the past She is contemptuous and disdainful.

[@chrisnam1603]

Indeed, i had to look the word up, and it 'smacked' me in stomac, since its so accurate & true... 😢, grattitude from Belgium for all you do for us

[@bereal6590]

I'd never thought of it that was, but yes! That's it. Thinking about it, it's revolting. When people do it, they lose self respect and the respect of others. It's giving in to the bully!

[@DominieRobinson]

WOW ! This was One of The Most Powerful, Insightful vids you've Done Yet Dr. Ramani ! Thank You ! You're Knock'in it Out of the Patk ! Here's to Healing for All of us Survivors ! No matter how slowly, we might be attempting to recover ..Forward We Go !!!

[@marenernst1841]

Agree!!!

[@DominieRobinson]

I had been attending support meetings for Children of alcaholics, and co-dependancy meetings . When my alcaholic drug addicted mother attacked me verbally one night, blaming me for most of her problems as usual, I calmly stood to my feet and said " are you going to talk to me like this ? because if you are, I'm leaving " she reared back lifted her head defiantly and hautily declared " How Dare you talk to me like that in My Own house !" , I IMMEDIATELY Felt like I Needed to apologize ! That feeling kept rolling through me increasing in Strength.. I was Struck by the backwardsness of it all. It was a powerful, awakening moment for me .

[@harmonyvaneaton4101]

It becomes survival. I remember actively understanding and choosing to self blame for my reaction to his abuse (CPTSD and anxiety) in order to keep the kids safe (there were constant threats). I knew in my head, this is NOT me, this is a normal response to what he's done and is doing, but I have to pretend it's me because that's what they are DEMANDING of me if I want my kids to stay alive and safe. They absolutely want you to eventually believe it IS you. It's not.

[@teresadvorak6145]

🙏 🙏 ❤

[@marvinasimswewinqueendom2543]

This message definitely brought back certain memories. Thank you for the reminder which now has a name

[@slimshany4602]

Agree 👍🌻

[@unclejovan1913]

I am not only my trauma

[@SammieHQ-og5ii]

I’ve been debased by my parents and siblings. Then my nephew and now my own adult son. Therapy and your videos helped me to see this. It doesn’t stop them, I’m stuck due to caring for mom with sibling but I have strong boundaries. I can no longer be around my adult son due to his verbal abuse. He learned from them.

[@costelloandlizzievolk2233]

The first narcissistic guy I dated had to shoot me down and criticize me for everything, until he had complete control over me. I was young so didn’t know what was happening. Now I do. I met a guy recently who gave me similar vibes, like he had to be better and in control so started to minimize me, so I didn’t get involved with him and now he’s with someone 20 years younger then him that he can be ‘superior’ to and have control over. I think they’re actually super insecure and jealous of others success or good things. Super f***ed up. Thank God I got away. Never again. I’d rather be single. Thank you Dr Ramani ❤

[@JFN381]

This is SO helpful and clarifying. Thank you!

[@blu-r7h]

You brought to one of the core dynamics that ha run my life since I was a kid. As I listened, it was like a movie of my past wS flickering in my mind. I understood what my father did to me with more clarity and how I kept that relationship going 60 years after he died. A powerful video for me!

[@mardimagoo7065]

"Prescriptive debasement" is one of the most chilling phrases I've ever heard. Great video!

[@kimberleyhartley6631]

Dr. Ramani thank you for your professional support in explaining what debasement in narcissistic relationships does to individuals who have been victimized in terms of ritualistic abuse. Everyone has a right to be respected and treated with dignity. It does take time to heal from others who say unkind words. Unity, better communication and understanding toward others in all settings of society is the best way forward.

[@IzabelaWaniek-i1x]

Debasement is the capitulation to gaslighting and it’s the foundation of cult structures. It’s extremely dangerous and we must discern people and communities where such dynamics operate as harmful and extremely detrimental to our mental and physical well being. Thank you for sharing your wisdom and giving our invaluable guidance dr Ramani ❤ God bless you ❤

[@debigreen482]

Wow. This to me is your best video yet. TYSM... ❤

[@vlmellody51]

My late father consistently debased my now-late mother all the years I was growing up, and he taught my siblings and me to do it, too.

[@AffyisAffy]

Has anyone else noticed that there is a u turn in emotions, in any direction? If you're proud of yourself, you need to be humbled. If you're down on yourself you need to cheer up and appreciate what you have. Really anything to escape an intimate conversation is employed. I think subconsciously i knew this and would debase myself and be overly 'humble' to achieve praise. As i got more wise to the game, grey rocking is kind of painful because the communal gossiping and group self debasement is exhausting but feels like the only way these people want to connect with you.

[@christelleny]

I can't recall a single compliment or remotely positive feedback from my parents (even to this day) or my ex-Narc. It's easy to see how that could have shaped me into someone who debases herself, and to some extent, it did. But it also shaped me into someone who looks for qualities in herself, who's clear on her pluses and minuses, and intentionally counters the damage done to her children by their Narc parent. I might not have heard anything nice growing up or in my marriage, but my children will know their worth. I feel that although I was shaped by darkness, I was born to bring light. Peace, strength and growth to all of you light bringers. ❤

[@JohnOprendekIII-n6r]

This is so very true. It's so terrible to know debasement is also the gravity that lures us into the black hole of what happens to our self esteem in a narcissistic relationship

[@JohnOprendekIII-n6r]

Also it saddens me that the narcissistic world, both inner and outer, revolves around "put downs"

[@Mkr7942]

Thanks for explaining what happened with me in a job situation. Even with telling myself that I encountered some narcissists, I still couldn't fully let myself admit it.

[@karenravensbergen]

Wow, this video sums up all that was going on in my 32 year relationship. I definitely need reprogramming. Thank you, Dr. Ramani for your hard work, support, and encouragement on this topic.

[@christicarver1581]

I did this for years when I was trying to explain and reach him I would throw myself under a bus in hopes of reaching his ears not his defensiveness.

[@susanbradleyskov9179]

Oh, yeah! Just hit full stop, myself. Now I just have to remember it.

[@DominieRobinson]

@christicarver1581 AMEN! Me too. I did the Same thing . Sadly enough .and I did it for Years !

[@nicholashuff4198]

You've done so much to help bring understanding to my childhood, Dr. Ramani! You are such an amazing person, and i thank you! ❤

[@Ozy-te1rr]

When I was 12 I began to have a hormonal disorder with growing hair on my face chin and cheeks ,my narcisstic evil mom never let me see a doctor to have a treatment neither a diagnosis I looked so ugly and ashamed .I went to medical school and found a doctor who diagnosed and found the treatment I was 22.few years later I met my husband and got married I think my mom didn’t expect me to get married she had a plan : she had to keep me ugly to stay with her all my life .I went no contact last year I hope never ever see her again

[@bridgettsass917]

I've had issues with my hormones all my life and only now, at 45, I understand it's from being around a septic tank of a narc mother! That toxicity is so harmful for mind and body.

[@Ozy-te1rr]

@ hope you are fine 😘

[@CurlyQxyz]

I love that you actually said the F bomb ❤ go girl

[@phyllis9750]

I was a fool for 50 years for these people. Thanks to you and others, I'm better now. Still some work to be done.

[@keariewashburn4680]

Thank you so much Dr Ramani ❤️ I really needed to think about this more. At this time now. This week, I actually refused to comply with the narcs Bs about me. They say these things to me and just so damn sick of it. Yes, I used the F bomb too. I said no more of this. I'm still kinda " lost" but I will not go into debasement. Not ever. It really misses them off and I don't care. Still, I want to make sure that I work through these things in myself to make sure I do this right. Thank you 😊 🙏

[@costelloandlizzievolk2233]

My mother tries to debase me, trying to shame me into taking a low pay job or training way below my education and experience level…thankfully I have learnt enough here to fight for what I am worth and so I got a job aligned with my training and am doing further education in that area also, moving forward with it rather then taking a step back as my mom tries to shame me to do. I swear it’s because she is jealous and tries to keep me down to feel better about herself..?😢 Not buying into it though. Not my problem. Not who I am. Thank you Dr Ramani ❤

[@theresecote9276]

I'm not sure that this could be a form of debasement, but yesterday, I had an AH! HA! moment, after a 32 + year relationship with my assumed malignant covert narcissist, that he sulks when you enjoy life and a moment , for example with my kids or personnal hobby, and not happy solely dépendant of HIM ! He then sulks, shuts down and tries to look pityful in the eyes of all around, and HELLO! Here comes the never ending silent treatment. I realized yesterday, I have been avoiding such happy moments for myself, for HIS sake!!!

[@billygoat5091]

My father was one who would lecture and talk down to me,and belittle me and redicule me for hours until I broke down in screaming rage,then he would get this very gratified look on his face and then put his hand up in my face and say" i am only a man". I was treated this way for years.I was debased daily by my father.He used us like a heroin addict used his fix.Pretty messed up.

[@annapiekarski2992]

I’m so into descriptive words and debasement describes so well what my mother constantly did. Thanks for sharing..😊

[@kellyp4377]

This was really packed with a lot of information! I did not realize what the debasement really entailed !

[@gncbrg]

every single of her videos amaze me of her clarity. honestly, as a psychologist myself I see this as an urgent topic that needed to be more present in how to read and deal with these types of situations in which Dr. Ramani describes. this video is literally like a punch in the gut, but in a strangely good way. lol thanks, amazing work!!!!! 🥰

[@siddhantkhattri7703]

Doctor Ramani: You have played a pivotal role in spreading the knowledge and information (the medicine to the Narcissism disease) about the topic of Narcissism. In the past two years, I have been able to develop myself in the art industry, establish a gallery. Your information and podcasts are one of the pillars. Debasement is a symptom of this disease. With such kind of valuable information, one's immune system against this disease becomes stronger and stronger. There is certainly a lot to learn from you. Thanks! You position us as winners.

[@Dualitytarot]

The more I listen to u...The more I love u... each time I lose faith on my reality...ur video surfaces...I will meet u one day is my wish❤❤❤❤❤. Thank God for u❤❤❤

[@marvinasimswewinqueendom2543]

This message definitely brought back certain memories. Thank you for the reminder that now has a name

[@csfiskus610]

The worst kind of debasement for me was putting up with toxic personalities and telling myself that these were damaged souls that just needed a chance. Yet I was made to feel I was a waste of space with no value or purpose and that my existence was barely tolerated but a mistake. And if you crack a self-depricating joke, they'd see that as permission to throw as many jabs at you. Absolutely disgusting.

[@wendy1908]

This is exactly what I've been doing for almost my entire life after growing up with a narcissistic sister and was the family scapegoat. Thanks to you Doctor Ramani I'm learning how to love my entire self and release the constraints I've put on myself. Putting my face in the mud, yep, that's what I've been doing to myself, and by extension to other people by projection. It is my obligation to stop debasing myself so that I don't debase others.

[@aprilwilcox5065]

I was debased every day by my ex husband...a year later after the divorce, I'm still debasing myself and even debase myself to other people

[@lauragrolla5916]

I do, too. It takes time to do a new behavior. Just go slow and be kind to you. No one else was.

[@johnmaggiorino4493]

True....I've paid a Big Big price ,to keep it all toghether ,for the sake of the family😢I'm paying the Ultimate price

[@oggiesdoggies]

Love that you felt free to drop the "F-bomb." It showcases your passion in helping others become aware and informed on Narcissism. Thank you for all you do.

[@Nontoxicjoey]

Once again helping put words and help make since of things I do / feel. Thank you, Dr.

[@anonymouscm7270]

Very insightful indeed as always and how I wish I knew about this two decades ago, but unfortunately past becomes history however ugly, isn't it, many thanks Dr. Ramani🙏🌷🕊💝🤗

[@rlong8038]

I got your new book yesterday. It was like reading about the last 40 years of my life and I still have a lot left to read. Thank you, your book and videos are helping me so much. Thank you!!

[@The_Codependency_Cure_PsyM]

Especially when you are debased as a child. To top it off, he asked me to spy on my mother and report to him. I was less than 8 years old.

[@Anoppinion]

100% spot on! Putting to words what used to be my life. RememberI many years ago how I one evening wanted to not talk myself down (had taken a course of some sort) and how the tention kept building… and how it got released when I finally found something negative… and everything was back to normal again. Thank you Dr Ramani ❤

[@Cmyangels106]

Recently, I found myself saying, "I'm Sorry" for things that were not needing an apology. The relationship became unbalanced and I fell into the old people pleasing behaviors. Thank you, Dr. Ramani for defining this so that I can correct it. ❤

[@amandaliverpool3374]

I've never heard it explained like this before. Thank you ❤

[@lumineria1]

I haven’t heard this term before and I very much understood your metaphors to describe the situation. I recognize that my relationship with my mother is the starting point in how I approached my own relationships. How I was debased and debased myself for the love and attention from the narcissist, only for them to manipulate and gaslight me, and I lost my power, my light. I knew they were wrong, I just didn’t understand how I was letting that happen. Thank you for talking about this.

[@rayarena879]

OMG, this is so spot on! My narc used to latch on to one word I uttered and twist it around to mean something totally different and I would have to debase myself to keep the peace practically begging him not to take it that way in order to avoid his rage and moping, silent treatment and even after I apologized, he would still not talk to me!

[@joannahediger7820]

This is an extremely important video and key information! The damage is also magnified when you are a member of any subgroup identified by the society at large as ‘inferior’. The narcissistic family thrives by keeping a scapegoat debased and will incessantly knock one back when that ‘designated loser’ takes the smallest step forward. Sadly, the internalized dynamic continues even into adulthood.