How Neurodivergent People Can Handle Difficult Conversations

[@SebastianMarsching]

Great video, watching this made me really curious about the book. Incidentally, just a few hours before watching your video, I had had two “difficult” conversations and it was very interesting to analyze these conversations based on the concepts that you presented. This way, I was actually able to identify points where I or the other person in the conversation employed one of the techniques presented in the video, but I was also able to identify points where I could have done better, and watching the video actually made me understand why and how I could have done better, so I will definitely try this the next time I have such a conversation. Regarding the CBT controversy, it is my understanding that the problem is not CBT itself, but how it can be dangerous when it used for the wrong goals. One of the concepts behind CBT is that cognitive distortions can be the cause cause of various psychological disorders (in particular anxiety disorders). When it comes to neurodivergent people, the problem is that what an outsider might see as a cognitive distortion might actually be a result of our differences in sensory processing and thinking styles. So, for a neurodivergent person, it is critical to have a therapist that is not only well-versed in CBT, but also has a good understanding about our neurological differences. Otherwise, there is a danger that CBT is not only used to help us with cognitive distortions, but it is employed to “fix” things that are actually part of how our brains work, and obviously this is a recipe for disaster. In the context of conversations, I think that it can be helpful to reflect on one’s perceptions and associated emtions and ask oneself where these might originate and whether they are actually caused by the conversation or something else. One just shouldn’t make the mistake of assuming that one’s own emotions are “wrong” or unjustified. Unfortunately, due to our experiences of living in a neurotypical world, I think that this is excatly what we are doing way too often.

[@ThroughTheNoiseCoaching]

Wow that's fantastic! I'm so glad this was so immediately helpful! Not that I hope you have a difficult conversation soon but I'm looking forward to hearing about it when you do! Totally hearing what you say about CBT. I was recently reading a paper on CBT in the UK for ADHD and it agrees a lot with what you're saying. When ADHDers were given generic CBT without taking into account their ADHD they found it basically a waste of time, but when their ADHD was taken into account they found it much more useful - I'm sure this can be generalised to other forms of ND as well. I really like your explanation around how our differences can be perceived as cognitive distortions by people who don't know about neurodivergence. Love that last point!

[@sumidotson]

My first video I see from you and I really like it. 👍I've just realised that the stuff you're talking about in this video are things I've been trying to incorporate when I'm having conversations. It was nice hearing it in well thought out words and clearly talked about in different scenarios, and seeing what makes what effective. I was just really pleasantly surprised to know other people try these stuff too and that there are names for it. A random thing I also noticed is, as a neurodivergent person talking to a neurotypical person, I feel like I struggle more with them being the one with the black and white thinking and having strong justice getting clouded in emotions. Which was pretty interesting to think about and kind of surprising to hear. But i shouldn't really be that surprised since I don't really fit in anywhere anyway.

[@ThroughTheNoiseCoaching]

Thank you so much for your thoughtful reply! It's great that you've managed to stumble across these strategies yourself and glad I could help you give name to them! I actually have been thinking a lot lately about how I think black and white thinking isn't just a ND thing and is part of the human experience because many NTs struggle with it too. I guess knowing how you handle your own ND can help with managing others'

[@sumidotson]

@@ThroughTheNoiseCoaching You're lovely welcome C: Thank you!! I think that it's great that you made a video about this so other people can discover them too c: Oh that is interesting, I never heard of it being a ND thing, but it was quite interesting to hear about when it seems to be the opposite way with me.. If you ever want to ask anything feel free to if I'm confusing >.

[@ThroughTheNoiseCoaching]

@@sumidotson I think it's super powerful to have more tools at our disposal - if we have to move in a neurotypical world then we should make it as easy as possible for ourselves. You've articulated yourself beautifully :)