How SHOULD I Feel?

[@psychedelicwolf4630]

Makes sense. Unhealthy upbringing means no safe area to have those emotions or outright will restrict what you're "allowed" to feel, while a healthy home lets you explore emotions and how to deal with them. This is why having peers is extremely important to development, too.

[@mccolk]

EXACTLY! If you weren't "allowed" to have feelings and there was no emotional safety growing up it makes sense if we repress or feel hesitant about giving ourselves permission to feel normal emotions.

[@annaburns2865]

This is why my mom wouldn’t let me have friends or peers. Because I would have figured out what she was doing to me a lot sooner. That was the cruelest thing that she ever did to me. That anyone could ever do to you.

[@bellaluce7088]

This!! When I realized I'd been subconsciously programmed my whole childhood that I wasn't allowed/qualified to validate my own feelings, or reality, or worth I was so angry about that dirty lie that it lit a fire in me to validate the heck out of myself! That has *turbocharged* my healing and allowed me to do something I never though would be possible: actually LIKING myself. < : - ) 💖💖

[@Lea_and_Henry]

This seems like it would make a good topic for an expanded video: Why do we not know how to feel.

[@pennienglert5771]

I agree.

[@vicky_thegiantpossum]

I couldn't agree more

[@nayaleezy]

Pets dying were the only thing that really seemed to land emotionally

[@madeleinegrayson8372]

Oh my god yes.

[@sxwrtr918]

Absolutely!

[@janettemartin4604]

DEEP inside! Never show sadness in front of my monsters! They would BLAME YOU! “It’s YOUR FAULT they DIED”!

[@pair_odocs]

They were so much kinder to me than parents.

[@Em-v2e]

​@@janettemartin4604not your fault! Of course. You deserve all the love ❤

[@baphomumm9834]

Spot on. It was my birthday recently and I cannot be more greatful to my husband for hyping me up and getting me excited to celebrate myself (a foriegn concept lol) it wasnt until the actual celebration that i started to feel comfortable being happy and thus started actually enjoying myself. I wasnt unfeeling and inhuman, i was just scared to allow myself the vulnerability of enjoying myself.

[@cyndimoring9389]

I have always had issues around being celebrated on my birthday.

[@baphomumm9834]

@@cyndimoring9389 it feels so weird, right? Like "oh look at me, me me me, how special am I, whoop-de-doo" it always feels like I am not worth any effort, or if someone does do something for me it'll be thrown back in my face the next time they want to manipulate me, or I'm going to be shamed for not being grateful enough or happy enough. Too much pressure to be happy. Would rather skip all the muss and fuss and disappointment.

[@cyndimoring9389]

@@baphomumm9834 yes. I've never had any idea how to judge if I'm doing 'my birthday' right. Am I happy enough, is it perfect enough, why aren't I just having fun like they all tell me to? I'm 69 and every year it's been different, from cleaning the toilets on a weekday, to having the whole bar acknowledge and sing to me on my 40th.

[@baphomumm9834]

@@cyndimoring9389 you put it perfectly. How do I do my own birthday right? As if it's another thing for us to "get wrong" 😭

[@fourmacs8167]

Happy birthday! My birthday was yesterday. I’ve been no contact with my family for 2 years so it was a surprise to receive 6 dozen roses from my mother. Talk about over the top! I’ve spent the hours since, trying to decide what to do. It angers me that she has disrespected my boundaries. And, it angers me to look at the roses. I think I’m going to work on that anger, I’m going to not respond at all, I’m going to burn the roses. Sounds okay to do, right? I’m just so uncertain 🙈

[@knit1purl1]

My mother ruined my 8th grade graduation. I never went to my high school graduation or my college graduation when I was over 30. I remember a woman I knew from classes bought my tickets for graduation because she had family coming in. Well, they were of no use to me. I was grateful for my degree, I was employed right away. But there was no joy. It was only survival.

[@janettemartin4604]

YOU SURVIVED! KOODOS 🎉! And fucking GRADUATED! 😊

[@kellywalker1664]

That last line, boom.

[@blanxproductions5839]

@@kellywalker1664yup. A life lived only focused on running to spots of perceived safety. Always looking for the exit, ready to dip when the bad times come

[@samlynx2016]

I'm sorry that happened to you, you deserve people to have people who show up to your graduation.

[@annaburns2865]

This is actually a really healthy question. And the truth is: you are allowed to feel however you want to feel! The problem comes when OTHER people try to tell you how to feel. They don’t get to dictate your life like that. However you feel is VALID, because it’s a feeling not something that you decide. It’s like trying to blame someone for their dreams. They can’t control what they dream. In the same way, you can’t control how you feel. The only thing that you can decide is how you are going to react or respond to your feelings. But even then you aren’t responsible for your reactions to abuse.

[@ashleymustafa3650]

I’m kinda confused by this video, usually they make a lot of sense to me but…shouldn’t we take our own cues instead of waiting for other people to cue us how to feel?

[@omni550]

​@@ashleymustafa3650If we only knew how....

[@yourworstfan]

​@ashleymustafa3650 The problem is that many of us grew up in households where we were told that it was wrong to express or even feel certain feelings, and as a result, we became disconnected from our feelings. That's why many of us need healthy models to help us understand how to locate our emotions and express them appropriately.

[@GraeMatterz]

Your point about not celebrating struck a chord. I was the first of my family to go to college and when I graduated I didn't even attend commencement as it wasn't a big deal to me. (Looking back I realize that part of it is I didn't want to be reminded how my family didn't care about anything I did or accomplished by seeing all the other families celebrating.) To this day I don't celebrate birthdays, anniversaries or even holidays.

[@GirlPower342]

Same. My parents physically showed up for my college graduation, but there was no excitement or tears of joy or any other big emotion. It felt like a huge let-down, just like every other so-called big day in my life. And to this day I don’t usually celebrate my own milestones at all. In fact I usually forget how old I am bc I don’t do birthdays! I would like to start celebrating more but that takes an irl friend group so that’s gonna be a work in progress!

[@kakacufish]

Thank you for your comment. I resonate deeply with this. By most standards I should be a high achiever, but it felt expected of me and my parents never celebrated anything I did well; I was only motivated by fear of failure and disappointment. I still find it hard to initiate my own birthday gatherings. even for my own wedding my parents asked if I would consider not hosting a party at all…

[@GraeMatterz]

@@kakacufish What you've said sounds familiar. It's like they saw my achievements as a reverse participation trophy, where I didn't actually achieve what I did. What you said about your wedding party is also familiar, but in my case I wasn't going to have a party. If it wasn't for my future in-laws saying I deserve to have one - and taking care of the arrangements - I wouldn't have.

[@kakacufish]

@@GraeMatterz That was actually just the same as my experience. I thought we should just sign the papers and dispense with the wedding party. It was my partner and his parents who were thrilled to celebrate. In fact I delayed over my side of the guestlist and only sent "save the date" texts 3 months ahead of time, and felt some bizarre sense of relief when some old friends exclaimed with dismay and said they had already booked a trip. It rather seemed to alleviate the pressure to host a memorable, raucous party.

[@widdasiddiq9728]

​@kakacufish I kind of relate to these experienced to an extent, but I don't get what's wrong (with not celebrating)?

[@julietbecker8526]

Does anyone else have the experience of not expressing their emotions around others because it feels like it's inviting unwanted intimacy or connection with them? My mom's reactions to my emotions when I was a kid would only make me feel worse because it was like they were too much for her and she would either get upset or anxious or overly worried and controlling. It feels like if I keep my emotions inside then I can keep other people at a distance

[@m.taylor]

I tend to keep my emotions low key or inside because I notice if others know how I feel they become overly helping to the point of overly controlling or they become angry, which then makes it difficult for me to stay grounded or centered on myself to prevent boundary violations.

[@mph1ish]

Yes. "Unwanted intimacy" is a big part of it for me.

[@suzyhomeacre]

Exactly! My therapist showed me a paper of the 5 stages of grief and how it fluctuates. It seems hard to feel any of the good things happening in my life when I get “stuck” in some of one of those stages. I’m so glad I’m slowly gaining healthy people that remind me what’s a big deal and what to celebrate. Soon, I plan on knowing these things automatically. Hope soon comes soon! lol Peace all! Thank you.

[@CMStrawbridge]

I think maybe I've been just living in grief my entire life

[@cremebrulee4759]

​@@CMStrawbridgewow!! That really resonated with me. That's a great insight. I think it applies to me too. Thank you!

[@SteeleMagnolia]

We were conditioned early on that celebratory occasions were reserved for the toxic family member (mother), and we were only allowed to exist.

[@veeveemille8830]

Where are you supposed to find these healthy people who want to participate in cultivating your well-being? Everyone is already busy with their own friends and family.

[@janettemartin4604]

Just be a good person! BE a GOOD person TRY REALLY HARD! Not fawning and people pleasing, just start smiling and thanking and making positive comments to strangers! That’s an idea! IGNORE negative GARBAGE! Start to watch positive affirmation videos JUST DO IT! I tried anyway I COULD to harness my ANGER and my MASSIVE amount of depression and fear! JUST TRY anything positive! Seriously! Just TRY! 😊 That’s an idea!

[@user-fn8bq7ef7t]

Group therapy

[@GirlPower342]

Valid. I wish every town had a Patrick Teahan support group just like most towns have a weekly AA meeting.

[@melissak118]

Maybe the key is in what you already said... "Everyone is busy with their own friends and family." Friendships don't just happen by accident, they are intentional in a way that family relationships aren't. We get friends by choosing to be a friend. And yes this takes time, and there can be misses where you take a risk showing a little vulnerability with someone and they shut you down or don't give the response you want. Or maybe they want to get a friend but don't want to be one in return. That happens, and it doesn't have to mean we've done anything wrong. It just means, not this person. I can keep looking. I hope you find your people on your journey!

[@kellywalker1664]

I just feel so tired and jaded and folks tend to see my lackluster reactions as cold and unfriendly.

[@pennienglert5771]

I didn't feel anything when my mother died when I was 11. Until I saw the line of cars following us to the cemetery. But only for a couple minutes, then I didn't feel anything.

[@SteeleMagnolia]

I'm hoping that was the day that you gained a bit of emotional freedom. I remember wishing, at that same age, that someone would rescue my four siblings and I from our cursed mother. I have no desire to know when she passes on, but I'm sure that some miraculous sensation will pass over me, the moment she takes her last breath.

[@pennienglert5771]

@@SteeleMagnolia It might have suppose, if on that day I could have felt that I could verbalize it. I felt alone, whether I was or not. 😐

[@karen0karen]

I am just at this moment going through this. Why am i wondering how I should feel? Why am i censoring my feelings? This is a good wake up for me. I need to feel what is really there.

[@SuzannaLiessa]

I recently described an incident that happened about 5 years ago to a friend. My father (in his 80's) lost his temper during an argument and charged me. Like, out-of-control football tackle charged me. Fortunately, in my 50's I out-weighed him, put out my hands and shoved him away, knnocking him on his ass. Results? He later admitted (not to me) he shouldn't have lost his temper, I was in significant distress because I felt guilty for knocking him over when I shoved him, nobody acknowleged that he'd attacked me or that I'd defended myself, nobody comforted or validated me, or reassured me that all I'd done was defend myself. The next morning, it was like it had never happened. Dad had a bad temper, but the only thing that surprised me a little bit was that I’d never seen him get physical. My friend looked at me like I'd grown horns and said, "And you still spoke to your parents after that???" I didn't say it, but I was basically thinking, "Huh. She’s right. That was a completely mindless attack. He would have killed me." But I didn’t feel anything but guilt for shoving him when it happened, and the acknowledgment that he’d tried to kill me is still purely intellectual. How strange is that? I can calmly acknowledge my father tried to kill me without losing my sh*t. Can you say "numb"? I can.

[@theoldaccountthatiusedtous6767]

I remember learning at age 23 that if I thought I was feeling a certain feeling that meant I actually was feeling it. Even if it doesn't "make sense" to be feeling that thing. Even if someone else looks at me and says I'm wrong and I must actually be feeling a different feeling. Even if someone gets upset with me for having that feeling and negatively affecting them (why are you BEING this way??). I also genuinely believed that crying was a form of manipulation and was afraid that I would do it by accident but everyone would assume I was doing it on purpose to manipulate. I think the worst is "why are you being this way" as if I'd chosen to behave badly out of anger or a desire to cause them distress (when I say behave badly, I mean act grumpy and have the wrong look on my face). It took me 5 years in therapy to even trust my therapist enough to experience difficult feelings in front of her, because I needed to learn that some people (eg: her) can be trusted to remain calm and caring even if I have feelings. BTW I don't have PTSD, just some attachment stuff.

[@pearle333]

I can't even talk about my feelings without feeling guilt and/or shame. Because feelings usually revolve around other people and their actions, reactions or lack of them.

[@missteedub]

Surrounding myself with healthy people - who love me for who I am "warts and all" as the saying goes - and who accept my loving them in turn, has been quite literally a life saver. To be able to run my ideas and my "should I be feeling this way?" check ins is a true gift that I am thankful for every single day.

[@kd_1421]

I really struggled for a while with being happy for myself. My sister does too. We always had to walk on eggshells around our brother - we were not allowed to be proud of anything good that we did. In fact, I would sometimes hide cool things that I did - like being interviewed for the local news one time - cuz I was worried about how he'd react to that.

[@bellaluce7088]

I'm so grateful that people I met in real life gave me this mirroring since all the therapists I tried just stared at me impassively and made me feel WORSE by reminding me (I now realize) of my unempathic mother. CPTSD groups haven't been available to me, but I'm so grateful to have been helped by validation through things like my ADHD support groups & this wonderful channel (including the comments section! : - ). ❤

[@DjRapitops]

I like how your therapist used the 'whoa' which really makes it clear someone has crossed a boundary. You can even use it when someone crosses your boundaries - "Whoa, that doesn't feel right to me, please don't do that"

[@MsGenXodus]

My mother once said to me when I was in my early 20's, "Wow. You're really emotionally repressed." My response: "I thought you liked it that way." That wasn't true, she liked it when I blew up and made a scene and she would work mightily to make me blow up every chance she got. She liked it when I failed and she liked saying things like "I told you so." Then she'd punish me for days or weeks after for having the reaction she knew I would have. By the time I hit my 20's, I learned gray rock to the level of a Shaolin Monk. My mother didn't like being around me after that, since she couldn't get me to perform her negative emotions for her any more, and therefore, I wasn't useful to her anymore.

[@josephineananda]

Perform her negative emotions.

[@CDWAMLP]

​@@josephineanandafor real

[@kellywalker1664]

Reminds of a Margaret Mead film from the 50s she made in Bali. It was about a boy's first four years and the parenting style used which seemed to be deliberately provoking the kid into a meltdown. At the end he seemed like an old man, looking stoic and tired (at four years old). I forget the title of it, but I think it's incorporated into her Trance and Dance movie. I saw it in my twenties and I never understood why I related so much with that kid until recently.

[@kellywalker1664]

​@@artifundio1my folks didn't seem to have any real friends, just acquaintances that came over if there was free booze, food and cable TV.

[@m0L3ify]

I'm lucky I'm in a relationship where we can be that feedback for each other when we're not sure how to feel about something. It's so helpful!

[@lilvalentine545]

wow ! I remember as a teenager, a visiting friend being shocked that I didn't react when I discovered my beloved pet had died. I was upset of course but I didn't say or do anything. I just kind of walked off knowing I would have to come back later and handle it on my own. I also remember someone gushing about my wedding day saying "it must have been the most romantic day of your life" and I had to admit that it really wasn't , it was just a day that had to be organised and got through like any other. I suppose I really have suppressed my emotions more than I realised. Thanks for the awesome insights Patrick the content is so very helpful 😊

[@cyndimoring9389]

I also have trouble understanding my partner's feelings unless I'm told in words.

[@jcat7553]

Thank you Patrick. This is what my therapist does and in my mind I’m like you don’t know how bad I am. This explains a lot!!

[@lgd4247]

Yes, thank you. I have the, ehh. I struggle emotionally. I think I have lost my joy. I know how I want to feel about accomplishment. I want to want to feel joy. I'm neutral, or functioning depression, sprinkled with occasional moments of happiness. I'm understanding why. I'll get my joy back.

[@daniellfourie]

Group therapy changed my life. Sometimes it can really suck, but we want to get better, and that's the only way...

[@cremebrulee4759]

I like to group therapy too, but the insurance I have now doesn't pay anything for group therapy unfortunately.

[@daniellfourie]

That's quite bad. Here in Germany the social system works well, and I collect it from the medical system. I would otherwise not have had the financial aid to do so.

[@lesliewells-ig5dl]

Some of ypur videos make me feel like you know me and they really help me. Thank you!!

[@DJ-sv7xf]

I grew up knowing anger and rage and frustration as emotions exhibited by my parents but as kids we weren't even allowed to cry or speak up for ourselves at home. So naturally I'm very in touch with my anger (and joy upon moving out at 18). I recently bought a "feelings wheel" (internet) for my livingroom so I can study and contemplate what I do and don't feel. I know I'm emotionally stunted and I shut down often in fear that "I'll lose control" or my reactions will be "over the top'". With the wheel and therapy I hope to expand my understanding/range.

[@janettemartin4604]

Good LUCK!

[@katiegreen5450]

All of that. Very relatable. For me personally, this became different leasier?) Once I had my son. Teaching a toddler empathy, right/wrong, and how to be gentle to pets/people has really helped my own inner child immensly. I never got excited about things or felt happy as a child and I wasn't even sure if I knew what happy felt like until I got to be a parent

[@janettemartin4604]

It’s transformative I hear! The ability to PROTECT something that needs YOU! Makes you change many parameters of your existence!

[@audreytan8881]

Thank you. As a child abuse survivor still wondering if violence is normal at age 38, I really need to hear this (and replay).

[@misspat7555]

I’m at a point where “What should I feel?” sounds like, “Should I need oxygen today? Should I need water?”. “Should” is irrelevant; we feel how we feel, and the question is how we deal with those feelings. We first have to learn how to even label the real feelings we are really having, though. 😊😢😮😡😃😱

[@elised6358]

Whoa…. Amazing how a 1 min video made me break down in tears with the realization of the weight of this truth…

[@EstherBrownley]

I struggle a lot with celebrating my achievements and after I got named to the presidents honor roll at my university, my therapist encouraged me to really be proud of myself and do something special for myself, but it was tough. My family never celebrated anything good I did

[@aligator9552]

I noticed my emotions are much different now that I'm older. When I was younger I could discuss horrible events that I witnessed or happened to me glibly, almost laughing at them. Now, I become deeply emotional and upset at even the thought of facing them. It's almost as through my shields have become depleted and I am at the mercy of the trauma.

[@BJ-mb2ug]

❤❤❤ For sure!

[@joellecody2475]

Thanks for sharing Patrick. My dad died recently and I'm struggling to feel. Emotion only comes out briefly but that's how it always is for me. I'm always feeling checked out or in " shut down mode".

[@ForrestMystic]

I don't want to feel what I feel. I'm not on the 'out of it', I'm on the extreme and intense side, and I'm tired and wrung out by my own feelings. I've finally managed to numb my feelings somewhat in the last year. Disassociation isn't all bad.

[@cyberflightfpv4184]

Holy cow i didn’t know this was a thing. Every time something major has happened, getting married, my kids being born, their major milestone i was like “ aren’t i suppose to cry tears of joy?” Or whatever i thought was the appropriate response. But in my head i thought,m “ this happens every day since forever to millions and billions of people” why should i feel that way, it’s not special, everybody goes through these events “

[@cdow9032]

My therapist always said "Don't should all over yourself" I can so relate to anticlimatic feelings. That really confused me.

[@kathycarlson7947]

How wonderful that you had a group! I've done my work, but sometimes I still struggle to feel.

[@dime7612]

Literally just what I needed to hear!!!😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊

[@gobetter350]

My psychologist never gave me such a validation,every time i asked for it he said,i m not going to give you ready anwers,if you dont realise the answers yourself they will not stick with you.

[@brecky]

I need a group like that. I can see how that really helps.

[@beverleybenjamin3648]

Wow, I thought it was only me who didn't feel what everyone else felt when I passed my school exams or when a pet dies or even when a loved one dies.

[@samlynx2016]

I need some motivation to report some co-workers. I'm scared of retaliation. I just started at this preschool (but I've worked at others in the past). I had to physically restrain a boy because he was throwing toys, threw a chair, and was slapping people. The other two teachers just stood there and talked to each other in a different area of the room, while I was restraining him and telling the other children to get back. The kids kept coming to me and were making faces while I was restraining a kid who was headbutting me. I feel like one of the teachers should have evacuated the kids and the other should have brought in the director or the AD or called this boy's mom to take him home. NO! They just stood there!

[@i3desiderata]

I could pay someone to follow me around full time and say ‘whoa that doesn’t sound like a good person to date’ and they’d never be out of a job

[@benjivilla970]

Man I remember being an EMT holding a dead infant and not feeling anything. That’s when I finally, very distantly, started wondering if there’s something wrong with me lol

[@Kestas_X]

I still think my mom could die and I jsut feel happy that the baggage would be gone.

[@AdaKizi248]

My experience exactly.

[@chelseabunker2391]

Seems like a lot of this connects with numbness/nervous system freeze response. I remember in high school a girl died that I actually didn’t know, but I went to her celebration of life to support some shared friends in their grief. People were absolutely rocked and in tears. A normal healthy response to loss of that caliber. She was only 16. I felt unmoved by the experience despite wanting to support friends. At 19 I was a nurses aide, asked to clean a deceased elderly woman’s body for her family’s viewing. Again, I felt unemotional beyond understanding that it was an honor in my eyes to offer that kind of service to their family. At 24 I lost a very close friend… I got a tattoo to remember him by, but felt numb to the fact that he was gone. I am now a trained Somatic Experiencing Practitioner and receiving my own personal somatic sessions to heal. It has become very clear that it isn’t that I am a cold heartless human. On the Contrary actually. I am actually an empath and got so overwhelmed from severe childhood abuse that I just checked out from feeling all together because it was overwhelming. I have just been living in a functional freeze most of my life.

[@user_abcxyzz]

When someone (like a stranger) asks me, "how are you." I often say "i dont know." Because i dont. Im just regular. I havent thought about how i feel im just going about my day. Everything seems normal. Should i be feeling something other than my normal. I never know how to answer the proverbial question of, "how are you?"

[@anikalee9012]

I just constancely run away from my anxiety. I don't even think aboit what shoukd I feel. Didn't evenknow the bad feeling is anxiety. Only feel guilty of feelingbad and try my best to avoid.

[@TammyFaithoverfear]

We do heal, unless we are incapable of forgiveness. If we are incapable of forgiveness we are still wounded and mentally unhealthy. Healing is about forgiveness and Building Bridges. These different labels, and cutting people out, is creating a profound impact that this person is incapable of seeing. When we are healthy we develop compassion and empathy. Be careful who you are being influenced by. There are many people out here producing these types of videos who are not healthy. Praying for you Patrick🙏💔

[@scottevensen2615]

Often I'll think "I should feel more/do more about (x)" immediately followed by "but that takes effort" =p

[@WhiteStripesStripiestFan]

Ayo no wonder I always seem to be stuck in a limbo about emotions and procrastinate about it. 😢

[@musicandpoetry_8]

This is going to sound terrible but I wasn’t that sad when both of my grand mothers died, I know that’s not normal

[@Lavender-Waterfall]

I love that the people in my life call me out when I intellectualize. 😂 They’ll ask me how I’m feeling and I’ll tell them what I’m thinking. They listen patiently and respond, and then they ask again, “so, how are you feeling?” 😂

[@Vedder6852]

Hi Patrick I really liked the video you did about John Lennon's childhood trauma. Please could you do one on Kurt Cobain's childhood trauma.

[@CiaraC984]

Love this!

[@cremebrulee4759]

Thank you patrick! This really struck me because I wonder this all the time. I don't really feel anything. I've started ketamine treatments and I am feeling much better. I'm not sure how to judge whether I'm feeling "normal" because I haven't felt normal for most of my life. I don't know what normal feels like. My emotions are very stunted. I'm hoping that will get better as I continue with this treatment.

[@RAHHicecream]

You always talk about this group but I don’t know how to find a proper childhood trauma group. Or is it a depression group? What kind of group is it?

[@RayF6126]

How do you deal with the physical exhaustion that comes from feeling? Parties are exhausting, traveling is exhausting, talking is exhausting and I have no energy left to feel.

[@nathalieduverna6963]

Birthdays are the biggest. They were never celebrated...just a cake and maybe a gift

[@melissak118]

It's hard when I don't even know WHAT I feel, aside from questions of how should I be feeling. It's kind of just this blah that comes over, like a hazy blanket and then I can't see clearly. Can you talk about identifying and processing your emotions, when you struggle to even know what they are?

[@matikramer9648]

I think so too But not all are lucky like you I'm at my 65th year only starting

[@alexasaltz4229]

Feel? I am usually trying to figure out why I don't feel.

[@qasderfful]

What if my *body* is confused and doesn't know which of the mutually exclusive impulses to prioritize?

[@saturdayschild8535]

I struggle with identifying what I am feeling. I divorced a very emotionally destructive man (almost 30 years) and he frequently accused me of resentment and hate towards him. I felt nothing I could identify in the moment. My therapist told me she’d want to slash his tires over the things I told her. It wasn’t encouragement to do it, but she wanted me out of my head. I was just trying to get to safety first. Is that common? It’s been almost two years since the declaration came and I’m only now able to recognize some of what I put on the back burner.

[@baphomumm9834]

In the moment, you were just focused on surviving. It isn't until you feel safe that you can start to unpack how you actually feel because now it's safe to do so. Before, having or expressing feelings may have been something that could trigger abuse towards you. I'm glad you're finally out of there.

[@depaula1710]

Yes, absolutely normal. Imagine being stuck there with no apparant way out and still feeling the full extent. You would go mad. Much safer for your nervous system to just "file it away" until you are out and only unleash the full scope onto you when you are no longer trapped in it. Edit: typo

[@depaula1710]

Little addition: Had an elderly woman tell me how she "grows cold" in the face of someone critical or someone yelling and only feels how shaken she is later. And then proceeds to tell me about a week later how she grew up: Mother would slap them or yank their hair at any given moment if they were "too emotional" or otherwise "out of line". So to me ir seems she just internalized not feeling anything until she's out of the situation and physically safe enough to realize what's just happened

[@lightoffaithchristian4382]

Have you forgiven your father? It will set you free ☺️❤️

[@HermittyToad]

what about knowing and feeling your feelings but thinking you are supposed to have a different feeling according to other people and that it would be safer to act like you are having that feeling even if you know very well that you are not having that feeling and that you are just temporarily acting it out so you will be safe and that you can go back to normal later? or preparing to be accused of having feelings you are not having so you will be warned this will happen? or postpone your feelings for later because during the moment you have to dissociate to function and then you can process the feelings when it is safe to do so?

[@scottevensen2615]

Graduated High School: felt pumped for maybe a minute while getting my diploma Graduated college And university: whatevs Grandma died: 🤷‍♂ and now she's gone

[@michele4040]

❤

[@eidolon8816]

Can someone tell me what inner child work actually is? Like what am I supposed to do? I just hear it constantly like a buzz word buy never any like actionable descriptions. "Reparent yourself." OK, huh?

[@cinnamonbeardstud]

I'm not sure how I feel about this clip. 🤔

[@Bcke14304]

Huh… Validation! A novel concept for childhood trauma survivors.

[@noveltycrusade]

Blue Monday?

[@JohnSmith-ng9fk]

Pa trick to trans Han

[@Richy.Wohler.Agent.Provocateur]

Stop

[@Earl_E_Burd]

So pay someone to listen to you and be your fake cheerleader.

[@ciskaverster6979]

what do you mean by this?

[@BAsed_AFro]

🤑

[@yourworstfan]

​@@ciskaverster6979 He means, "I am an asshole, and the suffering of strangers is a joke to me."

[@cremebrulee4759]

That's not what therapy is at all. You're criticizing something that you don't have any understanding of.

[@BAsed_AFro]

@@cremebrulee4759 It's very well established that plenty of folks in the mental health field wind up injecting their own personal biases, political ideologies, and conditioned worldviews into their practice. When this (very commonly) occurs, it's no longer "therapy", rather devolves into attempts to indoctrinate you.

[@fareeda10828]

I relate to that a lot, when my best friend died I didn't cry, even though she was the most person I love in my life, so I didn't understand how I didn't show any emotions, and I thought there was something wrong with me, and I still do. Especially that I can cry over some really stupid things such as bad grades and I don't know why am I that way