The Truth About Women & Relationships - Neil Strauss, World's #1 Pickup Artist

[@ChrisWillx]

Hello you savages. Get 5 Free Travel Packs, Free Liquid Vitamin D and more from AG1 at drinkag1.com/wisdom Sign up for a one-dollar-per-month trial period from Shopify at www.shopify.com/modernwisdom Get up to 32% discount on the best supplements from Momentous at livemomentous.com/modernwisdom Get 20% discount on Nomatic’s amazing luggage at nomatic.com/modernwisdom (use code MW20) Here’s the timestamps: 00:00 Neil’s Perspective on Relationships 03:25 Co-Parents But Not Partners 11:23 Letting Go of the Pickup Artist Identity 18:38 Our Current Mating Culture 23:10 Priorities of the Black Pill Community 31:32 The Current State of Men’s Mental Health 42:36 Can You ‘Game’ Love? 50:17 Advice to People Failing to Connect 58:45 Three Steps to Resolve Your Past 1:08:00 Asking Why Emotions Arise 1:19:05 Chris’s Therapy Experience 1:25:50 Explaining Enmeshment 1:31:54 How to Know Who You Really Are 1:40:02 Becoming More Self-Compassionate 1:46:33 What’s Next for Neil

[@ExcitedHockeyHelmet-ud3ii]

1:19 ....... 😅 1:19 1:19

[@AlexM-kj4yr]

😊000p

[@AlexM-kj4yr]

00p😊😊😊

[@Andhroidxavier007]

7:25 So proud of you that you kept pushing him about the baby! @chriswillx

[@King__dori]

Bro so good he even tricked his ex wife into having another kid with him 😂

[@ConservativeAnthem]

It's called CHILD SUPPORT

[@clarkparker4860]

He took Game to a whole nother level.

[@kevindanielpg]

When I heard "i'm having another kid with my EX wife" you lost me bro

[@MoistBuddha]

Some psychopath thinking on his part

[@davidrizzo8530]

Same - anything he said after that lost credibility.

[@JenniferMyers]

Same.

[@Freetoliveasyouplease]

I think that's beautiful. Think outside the box guys. As long as things are consensual and everyone is happy, there are no "wrong" ways to live IMO. Why judge so harshly?

[@kadengickling]

Thanks for the notice and saving me time on this one

[@tensevo]

i thought i had heard everthing, 9 minutes in, go on.... you did what now?

[@segueoyuri]

his ex is also CRAZY beautiful too.

[@dolcampb]

World's all-time greatest pickup artist used a syringe? Can't get my head around this.

[@segueoyuri]

@@dolcampb women aren't logical. You'd never be able to get around any of that. You're not supposed to either.

[@cozykarma1542]

Listening to him dance how his Ex-wife became pregnant was painful.

[@ImperialMindMusic]

He didn’t even want to talk about it but hopefully realises no1 is bothered

[@VickiPeers]

Tuning out / turning off when someone says something you disagree with is the reason why so few people are able to think deeply. Only watching / listening to people you agree with creates an echo chamber and there’s no growth in there. Some really good stuff in here once Neil settled in and relaxed a bit.

[@dolphin7860]

Great point!

[@avrahamedery]

So valid. I really enjoyed the conversation. Was insightful.

[@beckytroster4474]

I'm confused as to the point of this podcast episode. His voice betrays his discomfort/dissatisfaction with himself. So sad.

[@likemysnopp]

yeah took a long damn time before he relaxed.. I think many stopped listening due to his lets be real insecure voice haha

[@John-us2ns]

This is the bane of the Internet and modern society right now. I hope it improves sooner than later, but I reluctantly think it will get worse before it gets better.

[@slchance8839]

Dr. Phil invited 4 PUAs on his show. The female audience was vicious. Before the show, Dr Phil turned the guys loose then asked the female audience to raise your hands if you gave your phone number. "Dont lie, we'll call these numbers right now and have your phone go off during the show." A LOT of hands. The PUA guys were VERY successful with Dr. Phil's all female audience. the PUA skills WORKED. And worked WELL. Phil asked one of the girls what she didnt like about the interviews...she said it was the "tactics." Dr Phil, to his credit said, "Tactics? Now, someone taught you how to put on makeup. DOnt tell me you wear high heel because they're comfortable, b/c you dont wear them at home. Dont tell me no one wears a push up bra, wonder bra or Spanks (figure girdle) because they've sold over a BILLION. You've been TAUGHT how to get the attention of the opposite gender so that they'll ASK for your number. You've been taught how to bat your eyes, flip your hair, shake your butt when you walk, and laugh at jokes that are funny. These are all tactics to catch a man's interest. Now these men want to learn the same skill and you think it's a 'tactic'"? Chris Rock had a bit where he said "Your lashes arent that long? Your skin dont look that smooth. Your legs dont look that long. Your waist isnt that thin. Fake lashes, makeup, high heel, and tight jeans. Your whole look is a LIE." The men that signed up for these PUA $4000-6000 classes were doctors, engineers, accountants and a every other kind of nerd. "Nice guys," overlooked by women their whole lives. Where are all the nice guys? In your friendzone. Why would a pediatrician need to learn pickup if women didnt FORCE HIS HAND? What more can an aerospace engineer do to get a girlfriend? THe man is a ROCKET SCIENTIST, and women are picking felons and tennis instructors over him. So, as a smart man, he looks to find what's missing: wear a few rings, a colorful shirt, shave your head, learn how to tell a joke, learn how to talk about Kardashians instead of Calculus, learn how to work a room at a party, learn how to stand out among other men. Women have been doing "female" pickup since the dawn of time, with their makeup, and flirty body language, and perfume. The female PUA is in every issue of Cosmo magazine and all over youtube. For some reason, the world has a problem when men attempt to help themselves. I guess we just want these nice men to work hard in their cubicle and suffer while women just keep sleeping with bad boys, KNOWING that the bad boys are bad. Unaccountability at it's finest. Picking bad men and surprised you never get a good man. What did we expect these smart men to do? Try nothing? Do nothing? At least they tried. THe Game gave them hope. No one else did. Least of all, women

[@erindeerhart5538]

@@slchance8839 This is an extremely well thought-out, well-informed and intelligent reply. Virgin? J/k... No, really! Yes, it's exactly as you say. I resisted game for many, many years, until I realized I would have to learn it or die alone. So I did. It doesn't have to be manipulative; that's just the way manipulative people use it. When done properly, it really is like a game... not a competitive game with a winner and a loser, but a cooperative game where both players win. Dressing a bit better, learning to flirt without being creepy, learning to display confidence without being too cocky or heavy-handed, coming to understand women better than they understand themselves... I think if women were exposed to what makes up really good game, they wouldn't be so angry. 😅 "You know those guys who take you on dates, and everything is right about them and they're kind and respectful and generous, but there's just no spark? Well, wouldn't you prefer for them to know how to create that spark?"

[@slchance8839]

@@erindeerhart5538 what a great thing to say. Made my day. Thanks. I had a gf who got rankled at the very mention of The Game. All I said was "It worked on you. You slept with me 7 hours after meeting me." And then i finished with: "Either I'm right and you're wrong, which you dont want to admit. Or....the Game works." She was speechless. It wasnt a big couples fight or anything....but it was a Thor's hammer victory and she never brought it up again.

[@erindeerhart5538]

@@slchance8839 I think the problem is that they associate the idea of game with players who try to manipulate and lie to girls so they can pump and dump, then move on to the next notch on their bedpost. And sure, there are guys like that. But many of the students of these PUA gurus are actually just decent guys who never learned to be attractive because society doesn't teach men that, and makes it seem somehow manipulative, whereas it should be one of the most natural things in the world. I did game on my current partner the entire week when I first met her, and we've been together for nearly three years. And one thing my own virtual mentor has harped on: you still need to game your girlfriend. If you let your guard down, slack off and take her for granted, at some point she's going to start looking for that spark somewhere else. Congrats on making it to where you are today!

[@krzysztofrapala]

Very well said 💯

[@cholula-y1q]

the issue here is that "pua" is largely deception of who you are. you're aren't being yourself, you're fake, and you can't act out this character forever. cool, you got a number... how exactly are you going to turn that into decades of happy marriage?

[@naumsennicov9388]

The thing about his 2nd kid with his ex has people checking out too fast! It's a great listen and gets super deep and even has Chris open up about his therapy experiences... keep listening after that strange kid thing, you won't regret it

[@julesfalcone]

I don't have a problem with him having a baby with his ex.

[@tjbroussard3524]

Although I agree with the continued service part.... he basically Jedi mind tricked his child by framework. "You get two houses" lol this man is playing with fire and trying to make it sound cool till someone gets third degree burns which will be the average person.

[@sethxxm]

well put

[@tsoupakis]

I will disagree with you.i follow him on instagram/ twitter for a couple of years now (probably more) and his threads are by far a huge school for good parenting. Like dude I studied psychology for 6 years and he still makes me think.

[@tjbroussard3524]

@@tsoupakis I know his page well and he isn't saying anything that hasn't been said before on several other platforms. Some you don't even need a degree to understand. Psychology is an interesting field, which I do enjoy, but even its practitioners can be challenged by outliers much like any science. He can still be a good parent but let's acknowledge that he starts from a position of study and manipulation (framing) but that is a tricky game we play as humans and many don't play that well for various confounding reasons. He admits that himself. Now primarily I hold concerns about his situation with his ex-wife. Glad he has managed a way to make it work but let's not push it. That's why he was uncomfortable talking about it 😂

[@missABR1]

I couldn't agree with you more. This guy is a master manipulator - perhaps he is not even particularly aware of it himself but his manipulates others to control the narrative. This narrative is that is he is great parents - he had a great marriage and a great divorce. But he maintains this by making this the narrative - make your kid think that is it cool that he has two houses rather than let him have an authentic reaction to the news of his parents separating. Good parenting is allowing your children to feel what they feel about this change rather than to make them feel a certain way. He is gaming his child the same way he gamed women. Good luck to him - but I don't think this will work out as well as he believes it will.

[@tsoupakis]

@@missABR1 you sound bitter. You do understand that there is the possibility someone to have a healthy divorce. Right ? You do get the possibility that a person can be happy alone right ? I mean you are so sure in your statements that everything he say are lies, but , somehow this is what his wife also say and also what his friends say… I mean are you sure that he is liying ?

[@majagorsic]

If you can get through the part about having a kid with his ex wife, this conversation gets awesome. Just some words I wrote down for myself: Concept of connected detachment - just brilliant Self compassion: talking to yourself like the parent you needed not the parent you have Unspoken expectations are premeditated resentments Thanks Chris! 🙏

[@cj3420]

Easy to judge Neil here, but I’d invite some of you to look at it at a deeper level. He and his wife no longer had the same chemistry after a long time of being together. He has the maturity to say that he still loves his wife and wants her to be the mother of his kids, whilst realizing that there is no longer potential for a long term relationship between them. “You’re a great mom and a great person, but we’re at different phases in our life now.” He’s not experiencing craving and attachment, but real love for his ex-wife, as a person. Most of us would get bitter, backwards rationalize a bunch of our behavior, etc. But this man can love another human being whilst not needing that attachment. I respect that a lot, personally. It may not be everyone’s preference or expectation for what they want in their life. But there’s seasons to life and life throws curve balls sometimes. Sometimes it’s not meant to be with someone else. Big respect to Neil. A nuanced perspective and life experience that many won’t be able to let land due to their ego and attachment to the external.

[@dant3175]

This comment section is so depressing. It makes me really angry that conservative influencers have deliberately turned young men into such arrogant, judgemental, dogmatic fools.

[@polysaturated]

I think you’re right, he handled the break-up very well and actually stayed friends with his ex which is often just a platitude. that’s a lot better than bitterness, jealousy or trying to get revenge by “winning” the breakup. And I don’t think staying together for the kids is that healthy of a dynamic either, kids will pick up on that and some parents who do that might even end up resenting their children. Imagine how you would feel if your parents divorced the moment you move out, wouldn’t you ask yourself if they stayed miserably together for your sake and even resent them a bit for making a sacrifice you wouldn’t have asked for?

[@overthewebb]

@@dant3175 You actually think it's 'cpmservative' influencers and people who are conservative making these comments on here? I would wager it's a broad spectrum of people from all sides of the political divide making negative comments. Those on the left who support modern feminism, both male and female. Men who can't get women on the left and arrogant on the right. Maybe step back, and stop seeing everything through your own your political biases

[@trisymphony]

Paraphrasing Jordan P: How about No, I don‘t buy your bullshit

[@Bren3000]

You forgot the listening part

[@nkatekodouglaszitha787]

I can imagine his voice as he says it. And you forgot "bucko"😂

[@J77199]

Jordan Peterson is the biggest bs artists alive

[@segueoyuri]

@@J77199 by telling the truth, telling people they should tell the truth and helping them to be better? Sounds like a heck of a bs artist doesn't it...

[@williammaxwell5985]

​@@segueoyuriHe can't admit he does not believe in God because he loves money and his employer is Daily Wire. He used to be able to talk about important the Left are. But he lacks the integrity to do that now. And is a bit thick or a liar if he cannot talk about the value of environmentalism, animal rights and ethics. So yeah JP is the ultimate bs grifter, giving clueless opinions on things like Ukraine and things he lacks knowledge of. He often makes up psychology as he goes along.

[@neight123]

A great divorce and having another kid with the ex wife? And they are best friends? And the divorce was a positive experience? This guy is an idiot. If it is all so great then don't get divorced.

[@Samuel-vw2wy]

The marriage wasn’t great but the relationship after it was. It really is not that hard a point to comprehend my man.

[@creativepoda9737]

He sounds like he has used his own brainwashing on himself a bit too much.

[@Pikawarps]

@@Samuel-vw2wyif that was the case they’d get re-married. As is they can walk away whenever

[@Michaelh76]

@@Samuel-vw2wy It’s not a comprehension problem…lol

[@CG-fx9bl]

@@Pikawarpsthey work well as a team, they trust each other, they have similar values maybe and most importantly they both wanted another kid. They just got fed up of each other 😂 or being married even. Easier said than done finding someone else with all of the above criteria.

[@Kate-rv6kx]

I appreciate Chris continuing to bring up the idea of love, as opposed to the "Mating Marketplace." I think the language we use about these things and the focus we have on the worst aspects is contributing to people feeling cynicical and hopeless. Maybe step 1 is changing the question from "how do I gain access to females?" to "how do I find love?"

[@ssbarlow2424]

Justified or not, I’ve never seen a 2-hour pod in which a guest disqualified himself so hard with an audience within the first 5 minutes.

[@bazstraight8797]

It gets way better further in.

[@Fab666.]

It’s telling how so many have this viewpoint. Who gives a fluk about his private life when it’s not hurting anyone else. You want to automatically miss out on a unique life experience of stories because of getting triggered astonishingly easily inside of 5min 😂..adapt

[@doctorcatnip2551]

@@Fab666.If he doesn't want people to judge his private life, he shouldn't give an interview about his private life ...

[@Rabbitthateats]

@@Fab666. Because his "private" life is a selfish and delusional way to live that will fuck up the psyche's of his own children. Someone willing to do that is NOT WORTH LISTENING TO

[@michaelregan427]

I've noticed a lot of dating advice experts aren't in long term relationships.

[@JackSmith-gv5yw]

Strauss was number 2, Mystery was number 1.

[@kylekermgard]

Nah brah Tyler Durden was the best

[@Awbskure3am]

All children of Ross Jeffries

[@JackSmith-gv5yw]

@@kylekermgard Nah, Mystery was Tylers mentor, Mystery was a natural....Tyler wasn't.

[@SL-vv3xy]

Julien was the best in my opinion

[@KennethKoronya77]

@@Awbskure3am i learnt a great skill from ross jeffries, which is being genuinely curious about the other person

[@sethxxm]

this guy makes me feel not great inside when hearing his voice and cadence

[@likemysnopp]

yeah.. dude sounds completely broken inside

[@testowykana1763]

I felt completely the opposite, that he is a very skilled speaker.

[@erindeerhart5538]

In a world of empty posturing, genuine humility is refreshing.

[@1970broncoman]

lol another “vibes” critique

[@erindeerhart5538]

@@1970broncoman "Vibes" are what keep us churning out new humans.

[@AdamMc192]

The game was one of the first books I read out of high school. I even learned off many of the lines. The problem was that it taught inauthenticity and pretending to be someone you weren’t. Mark Mansons Models was an eye opener. Neil’s an awesome guy though , got to meet him in 2015.

[@tensevo]

most people never finished "the game" but it does conclude with, actually all these manipulation tactics are no substitute for being a better person and sorting your life out. or something like that.

[@sxshihab7258]

Models by MM is the best. I think he should rewrite it and release it again.

[@Arcazjin]

​@@sxshihab7258MM is in the mainstream now and probably doesn't want to have to relitigate the topic into today's environment. Rewriting it implies doing so might avoid the previous problem but I don't see how it would.

[@Arcazjin]

​@@brianmeen2158Models is about being the best version of you and being comfortable in discomfort (rejection over and over). I thought it was the most valuable at the end of the day. Mystery will get your ass laid tho but it's a charade by design.

[@ErikLiberty]

Neil said in the interview that you learn the rules and say the lines to women as training wheels until you get to the point that you can throw out the rules. Neuro-divergent people like Neil need the lines to get a handle on interacting with women.

[@gcjproductions6789]

I gave this one a few chances and gave up about a third in. This has the vibes of someone out of touch, especially with majority of society. I barely heard any wisdom spoken but more of a selfish take on the questions. Not a good pick for an interview with a channel like this.

[@Shannxy]

​@@brianmeen2158 Also his view on judging his own books prospectively instead of retrospectively. When releasing he's confident that the quality of the book was the best that he himself could produce at that time, and no reason to later on dwell on the things you could've changed in hindsight

[@ssbarlow2424]

I think he’s lying to himself in a lot of areas to convince himself he’s good with it.

[@5.dot.connector]

I enjoyed this conversation. Don't have to agree with evrything to have it stimulate my own thinking. Thanks Chris for doing this steam roll of interviewing interesting people.

[@joaofraga7]

The World's #1 Pickup Artist is not Neil Strauss. It's Mystery -- the legendary man that taught everything Neil learned about pickup. Strange that Neil Strauss owes so much of what he has become to Mystery and still hasn't acknowledged him in this interview...

[@alchemical.fitness]

Ross Jeffries is also ahead of this guy

[@JackBusiness89]

I read The Game as well as The Red Queen and I don't think Neil is trying to disrespect Mystery - who knows maybe they did have a falling out but this is Chris's podcast so Chris was the one who came up with this title. It just sounds more appealing if you haven't read The Game and don't know the whole story Chris is just trying to reach people from a sales perspective it makes sense, right? I do love that you're pointing out Mysterys huge influence on Neils philosophy on dating. Good comment but at the same time I don't see these guys in competition with each other. Shout out Ross Jeffries, the pioneer of NLP (Neuro-Linguistic Programming.)

[@t-man8411]

@@alchemical.fitnessRoss Jeffries is an insecure clown

[@robinhooduk8255]

if you read the stuff from the people that were there and saw both mystery and style at their hollywood mansion peak times(i was on those forums at those times), everyone said that style/strauss was by far the best, as nobody could see the witchcraft he was pulling off but it worked every time, where as mystery was alot clearer for people to see what he was doing and you could somewhat try and replicate it or at least get into his mindset, where as strauss was functioning on a whole other level.

[@RS-chino]

I think you missed the entire point. Neil doesn’t look backwards. He doesn’t think of himself as a pick up artist so why would he shout out to anyone that is a pick up artist? He isn’t attempting to advertise that community. The only thing is advertising is growth and curiosity.

[@disparato]

What a highly intelligent, articulate and thought provoking manchild.

[@erindeerhart5538]

Why call him a manchild?

[@trevorm9551]

Judgy

[@adrianabetancourt5861]

😅

[@AndiAlexander1]

THIS!

[@parkers969]

This guy skeezes me out. I’ll tune in for the next!

[@beanwithbaconmegarocket]

Yeah he's a creep. That's why he taught himself go be fake and con women into bed. Prior to that girls rightfully just viewed him as a creep

[@benjaminholt6640]

​@@beanwithbaconmegarocket that's right he was. He outlines that in his books. He had very odd parents who raised him a very strange environment. He's not conventionally attractive in many ways probably neurodivergent and with minimal social skills. What do you to find love in that situation? You go out and you try your best to learn to become attractive. What other choice do you have?

[@beanwithbaconmegarocket]

@@benjaminholt6640 plenty of weird people find love. Strauss' issue was that he was jealous of men with super attractive gfs and pined after these women. but instead of developing himself and being authentic and finding a woman who really cares about him (as men have for decades), he concocted a fake persona to con women into bed. even worse, he taught other men to do it and did all kinds of harm to the dating environment in America. Other PUAs like Roosh have expressed regret at what they taught. Strauss doesn't. And he's still a neurotic weirdo which is evident from his current relationship with his baby mama.

[@benjaminholt6640]

​@@beanwithbaconmegarocket Everybody wants to get the most attractive partner they can that is completely normal. Trying to learn what behaviors are most attractive is what men have to do.

[@beanwithbaconmegarocket]

@@benjaminholt6640 yep and bc Neil is a creep, he took the creep's path

[@dolphin7860]

You better have Owen Cook on here to give his side of the story on the Game LOL😂

[@mcpartridgeboy]

owen is the master with women

[@ilovejettrooper5922]

I thought Owen swore off Pick-up and went the self-improvement direction...?

[@franciscoferraz6788]

@@ilovejettrooper5922 He still pedals his pickup stuff every now and then

[@redman958]

​​@@mcpartridgeboy both Owen and Neil have children with woman they are not in a relationship with. They may be good for learning how to get out there and meet women but in terms of long term success with family they haven't been successful.

[@mcpartridgeboy]

@@redman958 Not true, they chose to stay outside a monogymous relationship, they could easy gett one if they could, whats intereting is that i was heavily abused anbd manipulated by a woman and i realized because chatbot told me, and a lott of what she did was the same as piuck up[, im wondering if pick up is basically just abuse ! whats sad is ifg it is and i feel its at least similar that anyone not abusive like me because im autistic and dont know how to be even if i wanted to be is that you might not be able to get a gf without being at lewast a little abusive !

[@CenturyOakWindStar]

Having a kid with your ex wife?!? 🤮🤮🤮 This just sounds like an open relationship garbage heap to me. Yuck

[@chuck1052]

They are Divorced.

[@vvolfflovv]

Spot on about men becoming all the more disenchanted with dating after learning the game

[@DanReh]

Basically, dude got baby trapped by the same women twice and he is also the number 1 pickup artist who left the game behind. GTFOH. Everyone on youtube is a relationship and pickup expert now.

[@philipwong5665]

Read " The Game" and loved how well it was written as Neil is actually an author by profession. The problem with guys who delve deep into pick up and make it their identity is that they genuinely aren't very impressive individuals, they are just good at at temporarily attracting women. I remember his chat with " natural" Tom Cruise who is definitely impressive and doesn't need to fake anything, he attracts women just by being himself. It's definitely better to just have the ability to pick up women then make it your life purpose.

[@billusher2265]

so if you want to get better at dating don’t bother and just become a handsome famous millionaire movie star.

[@slickrick8046]

Tom Cruise is a movie star which makes him a horrible example to use.

[@Smc-gm2nx]

I think he means 33 secrets pua guy as natural Tom cruise 😂

[@Smc-gm2nx]

@@flyaway6671 what do you think are the most important traits to demonstrating charisma that Tom cruise does. Eye contact Tone of voice Bosy language Etc

[@slickrick8046]

@@flyaway6671 Tom Cruise is 5’7. If he was a construction worker instead of a movie star do you think millions of women would still be fawning over him…???

[@ssbarlow2424]

To keep saying “I’m fine with it” makes me feel like you’re not ok with it.

[@julesfalcone]

I don't have a problem with him having a baby with his ex.

[@tensevo]

we are losing healthy examples of what a model relationship or family looks like, to the extent a royal family has value, is the extent that they are able to model what a functional family looks like.

[@dant3175]

You and I don't know shit about what goes on in other families. So much happens in private. Which is why it is ridiculous to base your relationship or family on what the Royal Family does in public.

[@polysaturated]

Which is the royal family of the USA? The Bidens? The Kardashians? Honestly you might as well pick a family from a sitcom…

[@joeycorcoran4763]

Something about the flow of this conversation feels “clunky”. Neil so often says “yes great question and I’ll get back to that but first let me finish this thought”, but then goes on multiple other areas of tangents that feel too big picture. While I think the idea of progression in relationship is helpful, this did not connect for me.

[@dant3175]

This comment section is filled to the brim with arrogant young men who seem to understand very little about life or love, but are extremely judgemental nonetheless. I find it sad. You guys should read some literary novels. Switch up your cultural input.

[@billusher2265]

1:47:00 what bothers me about Chris is lately he swerved every interview to the dating crisis. In this talk Neil mentions reading classical literature and interviewing a Russian agent who used techniques like what he wrote about in the game, I would have been more interested in his perspectives on those.

[@billusher2265]

@@themacocko6311 no, we can hear people wax eloquent about male dating issues anywhere. What we could hear unique to him is how the Russian agent uses techniques like the ones he popularized.

[@hannibalb3]

I'm genuinely perplexed at how the author of 'The Game' and 'The Truth', has such an uncomfortable, palpably anxious vibe. It makes the interview damn near unwatchable.

[@charliefox9573]

Wouldn't surprise me if more than half of his conquests were three shades to the wind.

[@thomasd1544]

Great example for kids? So, you both are identifying as a healthy relationship?

[@victormaravi1115]

I like and respect Neil Strauss for raising the bar even more, we can’t see it yet, but he’s truly building for legacy.

[@Landmeinz]

Fuck i love that the show just starts.. no bullshit.. no dumb intro, just boom here’s an interesting place to get sucked in. THANK YOU

[@mrdouche9172]

Every time someone says someting along the lines of "looks, money and status don't matter much, and everyone can game the system and succeed in dating", I roll my eyes. Let's not tiptoe around the issue here. Men generally overwhelmingly prioritize beauty when looking for a woman. They want attractive women. And if you want to get an attractive woman, you have to rank high in the superficial traits, unless we are talking about rare exceptions where huge luck was involved. It is what it is. If a guy has the mindset of "any woman will do", then I agree. Growing some balls, improving your social skills and socializing is all it takes and you'll eventually find a woman. People date in order to find someone they're satisfied with, not to just find someone. And that's where the frustration happens.

[@tsoupakis]

Somehow you missing the point that “game” requires you to look after yourself, to go to the gym to loose the beer belly, to get interests that get attention , to be interest in others and be clever or be ready to not caught.. like man what you talking about.. yeah you can have a conversation with someone if you are fat and ugly and boring but do not expect to copy some lines and manage to stay connected more than what the lines last..

[@5.dot.connector]

when you play that game longer, you might start to find that the very best women are not the ones with the most superficial beauty. So not every man is looking just for the perfect bodies. The best ones and even the most beautiful ones might actually not end up with the tallest, richest, most handsome or loudest alpha guys but with the ones they can genuinely connect with. Women crave connection above all else. Actually men do to. (and they often misplace this for a craving for sex) And to really connect with a woman you need to have yourself figured out and have developed a lot of internal skills other than the body and money. (of course being handsome and successful is still an advantage)

[@tomasosangmuir754]

So, the frustration comes from the fact that people actually have standards a preferences? Also, at no point does Strauss say outright that looks/money/status don't matter. He just says that men who focus exclusively on these as social prescriptions and neglect their true nature, they will not be any more successful at finding someone AND having a long healthy relationship. In the case of one night stands, you might be right that superficial status is everything. That's why Tinder is a cancer on society.

[@mrdouche9172]

@@tomasosangmuir754 Sure for relationships it's more than the superficial things. But my point is that you have to actually get your foot in the door first. You can't go from step 0 to step 2, completely skipping step 1. It doesn't work like that. The one who gets his foot in the door at least stands a chance. The one who doesn't doesn't stand a chance.

[@jonjon559]

I see your point but I think you’ve overlooked the guest’s point. Yes, looks matter , however not to the degree that most think. Most men aren’t in the best shape physically, so just being in decent shape puts you far ahead of the crowd. Look like you care about your appearance. But game is where it’s at man. Having the ability to speak, be confident, will take a man soooo far it’s actually crazy. Couple that with a decent physique, you’re batting well. Cant play with what you don’t have or can’t control. Myself as an example, short king here, with thinning hair. Shaved the head, grew the beard, got into decent shape, and dating wise, doing pretty well for myself man.

[@ck4603]

His kids are going to be so messed up.

[@jaythenihilist4689]

Will you be disappointed if they turn out just fine?

[@CogSciEso]

Jordan Peterson would eat this up

[@dant3175]

Jordan Peterson is smart but a bad person.

[@charliefox9573]

Spot on. Two hours into a three way conversation and Strauss would be a blubbering mess on the floor.

[@Jack_of_Hearts4]

I read the Game and never understood Neil's appeal. What really broke the pick-up artist spell for me was when Neil was preaching in a video about how men need to work on having a masculine-sounding voice. Meanwhile, he was still speaking in the same weaselly-sounding voice that he always has. That's when I really realized that these fuckers weren't practicing what they were preaching. It might not have started as a grift, but it became one very early on. I don't think Neil has learned his lesson. He got older, didn't want to put in the work to improve himself, and is pivoting to a different lane.

[@EbonyPope]

You can't change your voice at least not fundamentally. That is not a criticism you can really bring up.

[@everObvious]

@@brianmeen2158 Many years ago Strauss wrote a whole book where he essentially disavowed The Game in great detail. Beyond addressing his claim to fame, it wouldn't make much sense to focus too much of the interview on something several books and years into this guy's past.

[@Ryuker16]

@@EbonyPope yes you can, actors do it all the time.

[@Avidire]

Believe it or not, I read his book in high school and because of it I had my first girlfriend. Everything he laid out made sense and it still works to this day.

[@Supergsk0302]

Chris, I relate to you! You should be your own guest and invite yourself to the podcast sometime :) Peace & Love

[@BMC__]

I read The Game back when I was in my early 20s, it was a fun read that gave me confidence in a way, not because I was able to put these things into practice but because I understood how powerful it can be to play on human psychology. I'm 38 now and (hopefully) a fair bit wiser in many regards. 3:30 into this video and this is the first time I've come across another person who had a second child with an ex partner that they weren't with at the time of conception. My example was a bit more haphazard than Neil's, we really wanted our first born to have a full sibling from the same two parents and, in hindsight, we don't regret it, but I doubt we'd go through it a second time. Respect to Neil, he sounds so well balanced and thoughtful when he speaks.

[@DavidMN-]

It is clinically fascinating but sad to hear how Neil is actively working so hard to go 'against the grain' of a traditional nuclear family. There is undoubtedly a 'best way' to conduct a family, backed by science, and incidentally, biblical. Praying for Neil to find people in his life that love him and speak truth into his life.

[@Metrowhite]

How can you be actively pro nuclear family if youre mister pickup artist who plays these chicks like a piano and then his nuclear family breaks apart and he gets divorced, and splits custody?

[@segueoyuri]

what Style [sorry I can only think of him in those terms] pulled off in life is so amazing that Chris is just dumbfounded after his first complete statement and less than 5 minutes into the conversation hahaha

[@user-ge7mm6wl8d]

Neil is my hero! Great books! Great journalist! Such an honest person. He saved my life! I owe him more than I could ever pay back!

[@tensevo]

if you detect manipulation but the person is not being upfront about their interest or intentions, then it is dark and they are insecure. if the person is upfront about their intentions, they are secure.

[@SpunkeyMonkeyJess]

It's very telling that the guy who has use pickup manipulations to get women can't even get the mother of his child to be sexually attracted to him. Attraction is innate

[@Samuel-vw2wy]

that makes no sense, she was attracted to him which is why they got married.

[@tsoupakis]

@@Samuel-vw2wydon’t feed the trolls. Someone commenting with that bitterness is either with no knowledge or with a lot of anger..

[@GE0attack]

game still works

[@NoRegertsHere]

He cheated on her.

[@ThatGuy-pb6wb]

This gets a "like" because I respect Chris and love the different view points he brings on. But this guy. This guy seems like a tool. I made it 45 mins in and just had to ask myself, "do I value anything Neil is saying" and my answer was "No" so I'm going to go find an older episode to occupy my time today.

[@Anne_Onymous]

"#1 pickup artist"? 🤦‍♀️

[@AscendedMasculine]

Get Owen Cook On Chris

[@brettwagner8955]

The GOAT of social dynamics and pushing past Autism

[@AndiAlexander1]

I think there is room for whatever type of family situation works for people. Good for them for being great co-parents. Sad that after all this time he still hasn’t found what he’s looking for.

[@DivineLogos]

Nuclear families are best for kids and Neil knows that too...

[@CMVBrielman]

3:22 And here’s where I checked out.

[@lukebignell7846]

i know it’s super weird 😂

[@CMVBrielman]

@@brianmeen2158 Nah

[@Samuel-vw2wy]

Scientists have actually found people with lower intelligence shut down and stop listening if presented with something that conflicts with their worldview.

[@WilcoxNotreallythere]

What's weird about having kids? The old ways are dying. New family arrangements are gonna have to get adopted if the human race is to continue.

[@PhonkAttack4DX]

@@brianmeen2158 fr, people are so fragile

[@denzlefenz]

I actually thought he was a great guest with quality insights. I was also surprised at the beginning but being open-minded was worth it (like it almost always is).

[@jeroen8890]

Thanks for the interview! I think it might have been better if we saved the big, personal questions about divorce and co-parenting for later--Neil still seemed like he was a little uncomfortable haha. But great to see that Neil is as rational and insightful as ever!

[@savascc]

Would love a podcast with Mystery as well!

[@jaredmello]

Parentification is when there is a role reversal between parent and child. The child becomes responsible for meeting a parent’s needs. Enmeshment is when there are blurred, weak, or no boundaries between individuals in a family. In enmeshed families, autonomy is not allowed. Kids who grow up in enmeshed families, grow up and become over reliant on needs their parent’s approval to make life decisions.

[@tomasosangmuir754]

Parentification is probably a subcategory of enmeshment, where as enmeshment is not always parentification

[@Elfinboots87]

He keeps chuckling and sounds all cynical. Such a narcissist

[@lorenzovrolijk]

I think Owen Cook would be more interesting to listen to. Not that I'm a big fan of his, but he is more coherent and intelligible. I had the same thing listening to this podcast as I had when I listened to Kanye on Lex' podcast. It is just incoherent and unintelligible, I never really know what he is talking about.

[@everObvious]

Not even halfway through this and Strauss has at least twice answered a question by asking for Chris’ thoughts first?

[@jislaaikrockadopolis2198]

Yeah, it's a sign of humility.

[@everObvious]

@@jislaaikrockadopolis2198 It's not. This may be effective as a conversational tactic, but in the context of an interview, the goal is to elicit a perspective. Pivoting the question *before even addressing it* comes off as fishing for the interviewer's opinion. It's a people pleasing move designed to filter for the "correct" response toward a targeted audience.

[@Samuel-vw2wy]

@@everObvious >It's a people pleasing move designed to filter for the "correct" response toward a targeted audience. But that’s not what he did? He disagreed with Chris at one point.

[@everObvious]

@@Samuel-vw2wy I'd be happy to reexamine my take if you were more specific...maybe a timestamp, alongside a synopsis of how Strauss' Q-before-A led to a disagreement?

[@jaredmello]

@@everObviousTim Ferris did the same. Tim and Neil are friends.

[@GBriser]

There are many contenders for PUA GOAT. Style brought us in, but he doesn't take the #1 spot.

[@ericvideos91]

This guy's philosophy is definitely *partially* to blame for how fucked up dating is now. "Game" is literally just simping. MIllions of men were trained to make interactions with women 100% focused on eliciting emotions from a woman. This was "the game" he and other PUA's talked about. Men were trained to not even care about their own needs or wants - it was all about female approval. PUA is a deeply insecure practice. Women were trained that men will continue to put up with whatever poor behavior they exhibited - as these men were trying to "win" the "game". Now - in present day - women expect men to cater to their every need - and men are totally disillusioned with the expectation that dating should be all about making the experience positive for the female. So many men have literally stopped trying Honestly, Neil Strauss sucks

[@crowdcrux]

Epic podcast. Would be curious to see Neil speak on IFS - internal family systems therapy.

[@viss2616]

Lost me at " Co-Parents But Not Partners ", absolutely no respect to you man, you're a bad father.

[@austinbuchwald4587]

Syringe in the bathroom (minute 8) is crazy.. Probably not taking advice from this dude

[@CJ-sm1sp]

Enjoyable interview. Amazing insights and when they talked about traumas, attachment, self compassion and tools to help oneself to navigate the healing were invaluable.

[@carlbrasheers]

Those two ultra bright light bars behind Chris and Neil need to be toned down.

[@edwardmooneyhan1928]

Two completely insane and childish adults bringing children into the world and intentionally separating the family. Have fun telling your kids that you'll see mommy soon when you're 50/50 and the kid misses mom when they're with you, and vice versa.

[@kerryannhayes1476]

Wasn't really interested in listening to this BUT what an interesting human! His capacity to see things differently was really fascinating.

[@creativepoda9737]

Wow this guy's life story is sad and pathetic. He comes across as a total simp

[@Samuel-vw2wy]

Yet he ended up being a best selling author who dated models, meanwhile you just cry on KZbin comments about him lol

[@dant3175]

You're commenting on his video, he's not commenting on yours.

[@naomirobinson2748]

Can we please stop giving this man air time?

[@harpyeagle5814]

This was painful. He was kind of a hero to me. A loser to top pickup artist, he showed me it's possible. But this interview just destroyed him for me 😢

[@Dobrymolodets]

Why?

[@trevorm9551]

That’s too bad, because he actually seems like a really good dude. Cool to see that a nerdy guy like him can do what he did.

[@Metrowhite]

What great did he acomplish split custody and a divorce? Did he even have a prenup?

[@ChrisTian-wx1rh]

I’d suspect his dating advice but the podcast was still beneficial for introspection

[@DrKaill]

Ah interesting interview, think Chris was very patient with Niel. Though in terms of insight into the world of pick up and dating, he's to outdated to be relevant to the current experience of men out there. Good historical perspective on what things used to be like though.

[@dant3175]

The only change I can think of in that time is dating apps. I don't get why you would imply dating has somehow changed fundamentally?

[@JanKowalski-th5re]

Can you be more specific and give some examples why ideas presented in The Game are outdated?

[@ErikLiberty]

Female psychology hasn't changed in the last 20 years therefore neither has the game.

[@dant3175]

@@JanKowalski-th5re I haven't even read the book, but when I hear people who have talk about dating, they sound like they're playing StarCraft or something. It's ridiculous to me. It seems like some guys bootstrapped dating and then drew a lot of wrong conclusions based on their experiences. If you want to truly understand dating, just read the evo psych studies. Or read What Women Want by Geoff Miller and Tucker Max. Or listen to their podcast "The Mating Grounds".

[@dant3175]

@@ErikLiberty Those guys never understood female psychopathology to begin with.

[@matmosmac]

Never going to be able to hear this guy's name again without thinking, "Mr. Turkey Baster".

[@johnguernier8030]

A friend bought me one of his books many year's ago and I remember thinking, I'm short, ugly, broke and shy and completely invisible to woman so what am supposed to do with this.

[@erindeerhart5538]

Didn't you know? Women are most attracted to confidence! 😅

[@thebrownbomber769]

Despite the negative comments here he actually nails the key to a successful life at 14:55 Its not about living by a method or idea. It comes from letting go of attachments - to how you see yourself, your possessions, your past mistakes and wins, how you think others see you, what you're good at, bad at etc. Until you leave the stories behind in favour of writing a new one, you can't move ahead. You'll keep circling back in life and become stale, frustrated and bitter. Fuck the haters and as Tool said "Spiral Out! Keep! Going!"

[@danielwalley6554]

Woo boy, that first 9 minutes... I'm speechless. As a man, even if I put my own ego and pride aside, I don't think an arrangement like that is what I would want to model to my sons AT ALL. It just feels weak through and through, as if Neil went along with it out of some kind of desperation to hold on to something with this woman. I don't know, maybe I'm just being judgemental.

[@hongkongkev3941]

Enjoyed this very much as it unfolded, because it offers some great insights. It's interesting how the comments here are quick to judge the quest story. Chris is a great podcaster.

[@kieranmccabe2729]

Sorry Chris you usually have some interesting guests, but not this guy. Can't be listening to him for advice

[@saultee7335]

Not true. I’ve used some of his advice from the game and it works

[@niekklaassen]

#1 Pick-up Artist... blah blah... Come on Chris.. We don't need that click-baity stuff

[@tsoupakis]

You are kind if wrong, specially if you knew his background..

[@tsoupakis]

@@brianmeen2158 read the truth , he explains everything there (apart the red pill since it was not a thing back then)

[@felipesevla]

Somehow annoying to watch the whole thing, even Chris doesn't look very eager to continue. Weird.

[@arbaizac11]

Wow can’t believe you got Neil on here. Great episode

[@jislaaikrockadopolis2198]

I agree. Maybe the negative commentors here don't have enough background to get a sense of how Neil's messages have evolved.

[@laughingmoustache8809]

I mean we all know he is not a seducer at all , just a good writer.

[@josiprajkovic9707]

Wisdom. Interesting view on how wars start or any kind of animosity starts from victimhood point - it's their syntetic "why"

[@dirtymike4894]

This guy was "The World’s #1 Pickup Artist?" Was it for picking up gay men?

[@showcase0525]

+1 for SIGN language quips. I think were gonna at least hit 8.

[@Merle1987]

I'd hope the gay men would have higher standards.

[@Samuel-vw2wy]

his ex girlfriend was a famous musician and his ex wife a model, cope.

[@klausklausi7484]

Never underestimate game.

[@dirtymike4894]

@@Samuel-vw2wy What am I coping with? That the dude was once married and is now divorced? Many people fall into that category. The dude seems feminine, and I made a joke about it. Seems you can't cope with that, not me.

[@caddyshack68]

Was there some competition I was unaware of to be called the number 1 pickup artists?

[@successbyanymeansnecessary]

These KZbin comments are wrong about Neil Strauss. Rules of the Game still works today. And I'm currently doing the book again for nostalgia. You must read the details tho, so I made a video on the topic.

[@manueliunker8417]

I got to say, nice t-shirt. Their songs speaks at a level that is both deep, simple, truest and natural.

[@heatheryvng]

I'd like to say that I had no idea who Neil Strauss was at all until I started listening to this video. I didn't listen to the first segment too much because I felt a little uncomfortable about it but I might go back and listen to it later. But so far I think it is very insightful and I think he's brilliant. He does not at all seem like someone that I reckon he was in the past. I haven't actually looked at comments for Chris Williams interviews very much in the past, but looking at the comments I was very surprised because again, objectively, as someone who doesn't know who this person is at all, I think that he's making a lot of great points and bringing up ideas that I've never thought of just like other guests have in these interviews. And I think he's brilliant. So, I'm going to listen more and try to understand and find out my own opinion, but unfortunately now I'm a little biased since I read some comments. I'll try to put that aside. But I think that many people who are commenting negative things, and who are not really open to listening to him, I don't think that speaks to intelligence (if you're not willing to be objective and hear this person). But at the same time, if I started listening to an interview of someone who I've always really hated or thought poorly of I'm sure it would be hard for me to be open to what they were saying even if they were a completely different person now. I wonder if many of the people who are leaving negative comments are biased because they are well aware of his past and the atrociousness of his book The Game (which he wrote when he was a completely different person almost 20 years ago). Out of curiosity I only just looked up the book and tried to get more specifics on the kind of advice he gave, only just looked it up within the past 30 minutes or so. I would agree that it's terrible advice that encourages toxic behavior on the part of men. Anyway, never mind, so far I think he's very smart, and worth listening to and hearing his ideas and perspective.

[@indiecomicsjones]

This guy is so beta

[@Samuel-vw2wy]

yet he publicly dated models and musicians and the average alpha bro is either single or with an overweight single mom lol

[@dant3175]

The whole idea that you have to be "alpha" to get laid is such a fucking cope. You should never mistake humility and vulnerability for weakness.

[@marksoberay2318]

Lots of negative comments anout Neil, all well deserved

[@marksoberay2318]

@Qqqqzzzzznnnt did you read the comments? Im not the online one whom feels that way

[@dant3175]

It just tells me that lots of conservative dudes are hopelessly lost in their conservative echo chambers full of faux-pious, extremely judgemental fellow dudebros. What a depressing group of people.

[@geosmi0]

🔥 @1:41:19 - "Most of us who lack self-compassion are being the parents to ourselves that we never had"

[@showcase0525]

There is only a need for non violent communication since the initial communication is made 'violently' as you describe it. You shouldn't be making false claims, nor forever expect a lack of pushback for personal experiences. "i feel" is better than "you are". One is internally justified, the other is a claim that requires justification.

[@tensevo]

set is cool af

[@JamalW239]

No book his gripped me before and since The Game. Young me felt like I was learning a magician’s secrets when I read it.

[@danielfleckenstein7107]

this conversation is really interesting!

[@JohnHobitakis]

Neil Strauss provides a fresh perspective.