how to be unbothered when someone’s stealing your man - reacting to hoodie girl drama

[@amycimaglia913]

I have never bought a random guy a sandwhich and wear his hoodie for a week or two, especially if my girl liked him.

[@therealmanifestelle]

Exactly 😳

[@thandondlovu5392]

Thank you because the comment section had me questioning myself. Because that stuff is weird.

[@aqua6613]

If I'm wearing your hoodie it means we're...it's kinda like a southern thing about cowboy hats...if you're wearing a guys cowboy hat it means you're up next to stay 8 seconds on the bull. Just saying ❤

[@saffy771]

Yeah and what the hell kind of excuse is "The hoodie was cute and cozy ☺️☺️". Huh? You don't have any hoodies of your own? A girl wearing a guy's hoodie is perceived as a sign of the girl being into the guy, we know how this works as girls. If I was the girlfriend I'd side eye her for that too.

[@Li8aGun92]

ikr that shit is creepy!

[@autumnossevorth4270]

Girl code, if my bestie likes a man. I want nothing to do with the man. I’ll be polite, but I don’t want anything to do with the man. SHE is my bestie, her man isn’t my bestie and is never going to be. I’m not going to put myself in a position to tarnish my loyalty with my girly, it’s not worth it 💅✨

[@therealmanifestelle]

This 🫶🏽🫶🏽

[@bascoaful]

And send links to things she likes for present ideas😂

[@autumnossevorth4270]

@@AdriannaMindfreak16 babes, you have to be okay with setting boundaries, they protect you from harm. If your friend means you well she’ll understand. As much as you trust her judgement, you don’t feel the need to meet him. You’re glad she’s happy, and that happiness can be kept sacred between her and him. That’s totally healthy. You love your bestie and love having girl time with her. If she doesn’t get it :/ might have to distance yourself sadly :( because then she’s letting her mans get between you two. We don’t want that

[@sawdahrahman837]

⁠​⁠​⁠​⁠​⁠@@AdriannaMindfreak16 my ex bsf would do this a lot, despite knowing her good intentions of me wanting to be friends with her bf and hanging out together. It was never going to work anyway because of my own feelings and insecurity, I just felt like I was missing out on youthful and milestone experiences of what was and is still is expected of some teenagers. I would never get why she would want to push me to the idea of the three of us hanging out cause THE IDEA felt so wrong. Cause I also knew my feelings towards her bf and I felt like I just didn’t need more of this hatred or jealousy to uprise into wanting, needing a bf because I felt soo left out. It felt as if I could not relate to her anymore because whatever came out of her mouth would be ironic. I don’t know why but I have also had this fear- not only breaking up the friendship but that my friend would disagree of me just existing and her bf would too. I kid you not I was actually scared of breaking up my friendship even before she had a bf, when her bf came into the picture it was like now I can’t say certain things cause they will take each others side and now Who The Fuck Am I Left with. Like there is no one to back my opinions, thoughts and feelings when these fuckers gang up. There was also feelings of embarrassment and regret to losing my friend to like I just want to talk, BUT YOU DONT HAVE TO BRING UR BF INTO IT. I know people want others to take their sides but really it’ is just biased. Like wat BF for once actually doesn’t have a biased opinion and agrees with the friend and is not accusing the bf of cheating and a friend’s loyalty. I had conflicts between myself due to leaving the friendship to because “if I were to leave my friendship, her bf is going to think I am a bitch and she will too bc she doesn’t understand my own insecurities and self esteem issues I have when it comes to being single” and there is this other side of regret of leaving my friendship/ friend group where “if I don’t leave now it’s going to get worse for me cause I’m drowning myself into people pleasing her to maintain the relationship we have of each other and her bf is not going to know where I coming from, as if they don’t know where I’m coming from because if I have been left out in other friend groups and this weird relationship we have with each other. This dynamic is weird, I should leave”

[@aaaduccs6667]

FACTS. shes mine forever, but men??? no. if u truly valued urself as a person, and actually had self-respect, u would never do that to a friend or even another girl.

[@MrsLadyLiberty]

I'll never forget the time i was out with my ex at like an adult prom thing, dressed up, looking so good that we got voted unofficial prom king and queen. As a plus size spoiled girly who was in the infant stages of becoming a spoiled girly, this was a big self esteem boost. Wouldn't you know one of the little town Joanna's starte trying to not only flirt with my man but tried to get him to leave with her while i was in the bathroom. I found out because when i came out, he had moved and looked very uncomfortable. I asked what was wrong and he brushed it off, saying he was ok. Then a friend tells me what happened. I asked him why he didn't tell me and he said, "because she's trying to ruin your night and i wasn't about to let that happen". Eric was a sweet man. Unfortunately, drugs. RIP.

[@gibsonn2018]

I’m so sorry for your loss, he sounded so sweet 🥺

[@juliehernandez80]

Wow! That took a turn. Condolences. Rip.

[@glsssm9575]

God we need a better drug treatment program. That young man seems so sweet and the system failed him :(

[@dshericemo1144]

RIP Eric

[@brithegoddess]

Damn rest in peace to a real one. My condolences to you, girlie.✨💐✨

[@multifandomharlot]

They're calling girl #1 "male centered" & "possessive" for clocking girl #2's sneaky intentions & ghosting her. Girl #2 is giving, 'It's-not-that-big-of-a-deal' when she's clearly disrespecting boundaries, I will never be on her side. If you've ever been gaslighted in any way, then you know exactly what girl #2 was doing.

[@moonlightgoddess4107]

They always say they're not doing anything wrong when in reality, she doesn't even have to come onto her man. But she's definitely trying to give him the idea that SHE IS AVAILABLE if they break up, go through some trouble in their relationship, etc and that's tea nobody wants to really think about. Edit: Because I bet you she never asked her if she could add him to her close story to begin with.

[@multifandomharlot]

​@@moonlightgoddess4107 exactly. she's doing all these little things, micro aggressions, that can be explained away as 'not that big of a deal' if she's ever called out for it. & if girl #1 had actually confronted girl #2 about it, instead of ghosting her, she had all opportunity to gaslight her and make her seem like she's overreacting for calling girl #2 out. She did right by ghosting.

[@tessarae9127]

Yeah like if you have to justify every action with a few sentences of explanation maybe that’s a good idea to not do that… 😒

[@HandleUnclear]

Girl #1 is male centered though, just as girl #2. They're just on different sides of the male centered spectrum. One the boyfriend in question is his own person, with a brain and two eyes. He is responsible for setting boundaries with other women...not girl #1. Girl #1 need to learn some self respect and ditch the man too, instead of only blaming girl #2, because girl #2 couldn't get away with behavior if the bf didn't allow it. Girl #2 is clearly male centered, she loves instigate drama to then play "not like other girls". She craves male attention, and enjoys feeling superior to other women. Both girls are wrong for different reasons. I am married, one thing I don't worry about is who or where my husband is. If he's dumb enough to cheat that's his fault, not mine, I would be losing nothing but my time in such a scandal.

[@multifandomharlot]

@@HandleUnclear you know what, good point☝🏼 I agree especially with the last paragraph. As someone in my late twenties (nearing 30) worrying about where my partner is at or who with, should be the furthest thing from my mind, because they (partner) are expected to have the required self awareness and rebuff advances. At these girls ages though (early twenties I assume), I would expect this level of conflict from them, because they're still fresh in the world-of-adulthood.

[@FKA_TUCSON]

she didn’t deny any of her pickmeisha behaviors but had an excuse ready for every instance 🚮

[@SaradiaSansaricq-zf1lk]

😂😂😂

[@SilentTrip]

I was willing to listen to her, but that hoodie excuse is so BS lmaooooo 😂 girl bffr

[@spacedrifterrrrr]

And the hoodie wasn't cute either, basic as hell😭😭

[@alexiaasf]

Sprinkle sprinkleeee 🧘‍♀️

[@alwaysyouramanda]

There's no way she didn't consider how it could look to her friend. Straight to girl-jail.

[@jujubee2903]

*Girls, as a person who has seen and experienced this, if he's easy enough to leave you for a thirsty pick me, he's NOT good enough for you and you deserve better!!!*

[@jujubee2903]

I wanted to add, I just found out my ex, who I was with for almost 3 years, started talking to another girl from his church while we were together. He claimed he didn’t want to date me anymore because he wanted to get himself together mentally. A few months later he started dating her. I’ve already seen her cheating young over him and sending paragraphs explaining herself to him…same thing I was doing the entire time I was with him…..I feel betrayed, however, I am not surprised. As women, we KNOW when a girl is being a pick me towards our boyfriends. Our intuition does not lie. Lean into that and don’t feel sorry for these men!!!!!

[@NatzTalk]

This💛

[@isabella09dr]

I wear a fake engagement ring sometimes to avoid men, dude wears a real wedding band and attracts women! These dating streets be stupid! 🤣

[@novanoire93]

I do the same! Anytime I don't wear it, I regret it 😂

[@VBoo459]

LOL lucky you. I wear mine too and one man asked me “does your man not allow you to have friends” 💀💀💀💀

[@novanoire93]

@@VBoo459 You should've said: Let me FaceTime him and ask. 😂

[@isabella09dr]

It's not full-proof but it does the job most of the time- especially at work conferences!🤣🤣🤣@@VBoo459

[@LammyHowl]

Me too! I wear pretty rings that give "married" vibes, that way men will leave me alone. I didn't realize how much they noticed things like that until I started wearing my favorite ring, and they would actually say it out loud. I get questions and comments like: "How long have you been married?" "That's a big wedding ring." "So what does your husband do?" I'm not married yet, but I love responding to that last one with a quick: "Me, that's what" 😏

[@Daevii_wbu]

Wearing another girl's boyfriend's hoodie for weeks and posting about it is weird...

[@TOMFOOLERY334]

Lol "she thought it was cute" 🤡

[@Daevii_wbu]

@@TOMFOOLERY334 😂

[@transitionsnc]

Agree.

[@melovetolaugh6417]

And I really thought it must be a really really cute one but girll its the most basic black nike hoodie that you can buy anywhere 😭

[@KM-ne1ft]

it was probbaly an exaggeration. I doubt she wore it 24/7 for weeks straight

[@FaerieTidbits]

If he really cares and loves you he wouldn’t do ANYTHING to lose you in the first place knowing he only gets one chance with you(as it should be) anyway. It’s always the mans job to make you feel comfortable and secure in the relationship

[@therealmanifestelle]

Exactly 🫶🏽

[@Evanescene8444]

True. But the "friend" still needs to be held accountable for HER actions. She showed her true colours.

[@hanatirk4375]

Exactly, but most women are so comfortable going crazy over the other woman instead of their man😂 it's crazy and embarrassing.

[@adreamwell570]

truth

[@VBoo459]

Absolutely. My fiancé ghosted a female ex colleague because she was clearly trying to get at him. He’s the one who even told me 😂 he was like NOPE.

[@ReinaAceQ]

One phrase I live by "Don't be afraid of losing someone that's not afraid or losing you." If you friend or romantic partner put you in a weird love traingle situation, ditch em both! They don't cherish you.

[@cruiseny26]

If he can be stolen, she can have him. Not worth having in the first place.

[@violets-for-roses]

If all good men are in a relationship then I don't want anything to do with a man. 😂 Where's the logic if I have to make him cheat. Don't trust a man who's willing to cheat! I'm starting to think the woman who said that has mental issues and no man can fix them if he's not her therapist.

[@therealmanifestelle]

👏🏽👏🏽

[@jessitabonita]

It's like these unhealed pickmeishas haven't learned, "How you get him is how you lose him," and don't have any regard for karma/sowing & reaping. Like, GIRL: you really want a man who'd _willingly_ cheat or be easily manipulated to leave his girl for YOU, and you don't think it won't happen to you?! 🚮

[@daisykisses8803]

It sounds like a 12 year old wrote it honestly😂

[@kitkinder6439]

I’m a former model that dated and was engaged to male models. Almost every single female, young and old, would try me (and my man). One particular girl was an old group friend from HS. She would always lurk on the fringes and the second my man stepped away to, say, go to the bathroom or run to the bar to get us drinks, she would corner him, alone! I would tell him to watch out for this girl but he was like “baby, she has nothing on you, we’re all friends. We’ve known her since HS” and I would say “of course she has nothing on me and we were friends since HS but she has been lusting after you since HS and is trying to come after a HS friend’s fiancé. That’s not ok. She’s disrespecting ME and our relationship.”… He would laugh it off, reassure me and brush it under the rug. I’m not the jealous type, he knows that so if I’m bringing up that something isn’t right was a female, he needs to move different. Either step back from said female, cut her off or remove her access to him. But he didn’t. He would chuckle, reassure me the like 3 times I mentioned it and then brush it off. All while I see her blatantly disrespecting me and creeping on my fiancé. No problem! I dumped him and obviously cut her off completely and told mutualism she was always trying to roll up and steal my man. Well, now see can have him cuz I’m done- oh, wait, she still doesn’t have a shot! 🙄 My ex-fiancé would crawl back whining and crying about I’m the best thing he ever has (for YEARS after I dumped him) and how this HS old friend did indeed shot her shoot but he “never saw it coming (?!?)” and saying that I was right and he never should have doubted me. Oh well! Too late! You don’t get to keep clowning me and brushing my concerns under the table while a woman blatantly disrespects your fiancé! No, no! It doesn’t matter if “you don’t see it”! The fact is that YOU FIANCÉ does! Her feelings are valid and girls can pick up on girls’ shit. Recognize it. And treat it seriously. Make moves to remove yourself and protect you woman and your relationship. Period. Because that’s what real men do. Any man who laughs off your concerns or ENTERTAINS OTHER WOMEN’S ATTENTION is “the co-villain” and needs a serious convo. If after that convo he doesn’t adjust his behaviour, DUMP HIM! He’s trash and welcoming of this drama. He loves the attention and feeling women are fighting over him. He’s in his divine feminine era. 🤮 Kick him to the curb. I had been blocking my ex fiancé but he’d pop up and mutuals’ events or slide in my DMs via mutual contacts on social media, etc, etc. I had to drop a lot of people who would allow him to still have access to me. No problem. The trash was helping me take itself out. I learned valuable life lessons from this and really saw who my true friends were. A real man and real partner wouldn’t put you in a situation like that. He would have told her to talk to you and removed access to himself. He would have suggested you (Kelly) give your sweater to the friend (Joanna) and he would have given you his hoodie (Kelly). The only person wearing his hoodie and posting in it for weeks would have been you (Kelly)! He would have removed himself from the “close friends” list because she can communicate to him via you (Kelly), no need for that especially if he caught wind of any thirst/attention traps 🪤. He should have asked if Joanna had also brought Kelly a sandwich because Kelly helped with the TV too. He should have told Kelly about it immediately and asked Kelly to pick up the sandwich and eat half with him. But he didn’t because he loves the attention and the drama. Avoid males like this at all cost. They are catty females in what’s supposed to be men’s bodies. They think they are the prize and love all the female attention. They will always disregard your feelings, gaslight you and downplay the issue while eating up all the attention. They are toxic AF and will never have your back. You can’t trust them. I only date very attractive men, so I know that females like this will be throwing themselves at my man but I sit back and watch how he behaves. If he doesn’t shut it down, I get rid of him- and cut off any female “friends” that tried it because they weren’t real friends to begin with. My life is so much less drama because of it and I know who my real friends are. 👏

[@MBJean]

I needed that, thank you ❤

[@NatzTalk]

I love this! 💛

[@faye_isc]

jeasus christ who cares

[@linahrae]

dated a lot of v good looking people, musicians and models so they had literally groupies. GROUPIES. like idk if everyone understands how your best friend will LITERALLY THROW THEMSELVES at your man. in front of whoever and whenever. it is SAD and sickening to watch. And guess what: one of them just laughed about it and you can tell he just didn’t want the attention to stop. never avoided her, laughed at me, chuckled w his friends about it behind my back, laughed at jokes other people made about her being a stalker of his, doing everything BUT just avoiding her and being respectful to me. now i had another man that when this happened, he actually acted like i existed and agreed that the girl was being awkward asf. so we tried to avoid hanging out with her and when we did it was very platonic.m and one sided on her part. so guess which relationship lasted longer lol

[@Aceindeck]

Why would you call this guy a "catty female in men's body"? He is a guy??? You're implying that all 'females' are bad and if a 'male' is bad it's actually cos he's a female in man's body ??? internalised misogyny *sigh* stop excusing men's bad behaviour with him 🤓☝ actually being a woman ,"cos men are never bad its woman's doing somehow"...

[@saffy771]

I find the notion of "all good men are taken" so weird. Like of course if you meet an attractive and charming guy chances are he could be taken, but are we really gonna act like people never break up with each other or are single for various different reasons other than being undesirable. It's not like good men are born in a relationship and stay so for the rest of their life lol.

[@nanomia]

lol so true

[@TharsisianRegion]

I also find this really weird, scarcity mindset at play

[@pppf_S]

and the fact that he probably "is good" because he have a relationship to rely on and that change his own personality for the better than he can be alone.....................

[@Creepystalker102]

Not to mention how many bad men are taken too

[@fx7105]

yea girl 2 is the male centered one, also let's not underestimate women's intuition, that's a big part of this whole thing. i would never wear a hoodie of some random guy, ANY guy, even a friend for two weeks let alone a boyfriend of one of my friends. it gives me the ick wearing someone's clothes like that, there's no excusing that. even when you borrow clothes with your girlies cause you borrow that one top for that one outing you don't just continue to wear it for 2 weeks.

[@KoVi-jh6uy]

Women’s intuition is so powerful! How many times have women had a gut feeling about someone and let it drive them crazy or let others gaslight themselves, only to look like a fool when their gut feeling is proved right? It’s not even like you can communicate with gaslighters either. Just walk away - protect your peace.

[@laurah2831]

As soon as I saw girl 2 body language and tone of voice I knew she’d been caught. She needs to feel special in every situation and thought girl 1 was someone she could keep below her, well now she’ll have to find a new one. Re the man - it sounded like this was a very new relationship, maybe he was trying to be polite to girl 2 to make girl 1 happy or felt awkward. If it was a longer term situation then yeah, he becomes more responsible.

[@natashadickson4819]

They are both male centered. An unbothered woman would have let the guy go. The first girl doesn't realize her own power because she doesn't have to buy sandwiches to get a guy. She is cuter and can literally attract a much nicer guy without "doing the most".

[@susannehuber3996]

If he cheats he’s trash anyway.

[@locsbyjah]

Homewrecker:the hoodie was so cute The hoodie in question:plain black Nike hoodie

[@random_person_on_internet]

😂 her hormones are making it appear cute She is wearing rosy glasses

[@meganbrooks7370]

She is so right. You shouldn't be friends with a man of your bestie. Or any other female friend. Avoid unnecessary drama

[@sticklerbestickling]

I don’t fully agree with this. One of my best friend groups we had a lot of couples & we were all good friends with each other’s significant other & had our own relationships with each other & there was nothing sneaky or negative about it. I think what this convo hasn’t covered is when you have real friends you can trust you don’t need to worry about that. I’ve loved my girlfriends being close to my boyfriends & having their own relationship. I definitely get there are boundaries but just saying your friend can’t ever have a personal relationship with your significant other is just really immature to me. In this particular story I get the suspicion to some degree. I do agree with her that she should’ve gotten food for both of them & I would’ve done that bc it’s like “you had your boyfriend help me so you helped me too.” type thing.

[@daisydelarocha3688]

​​@@sticklerbesticklingYour intentions may be pure & honest. Most people's aren't tho:((. In due time, for, sure there will be unfaithfulness going on by at least 1 or 2 of those couples within that friend group of yours.,(with one another)... It sucks! I know. It's inevitable (I hope that makes sense)? I'm not trying to bring you down in any way. Unfortunately, it will definitely happen. Which is, precisely why, there are "Swingers." So, just beware sweetie. It's life tho. What are ya gonna do😏

[@olive4naito]

I agree. If he's single or your friend isn't interested sure. But it is not worth the drama to mess with that kind of stickiness. By friends I don't mean borrowing hoodies. That's what you do with girlfriends but there are some things you never do with a guy you have no romantic interest in. There are definitely boundaries you need to keep with male friends.

[@sticklerbestickling]

@@daisydelarocha3688 you’re not bringing me down. We have been friends now for 8 years & nothing like what you described has even remotely happened haha. One of the women in the group did end up cheating on her boyfriend but out of town with a total stranger which honestly I feel is more common. Of course people cheat with people they know & their partner’s best friends even, it sucks, but to act like this is just 100% a given & is going to happen if you have your friends be friends with your boyfriend/girlfriend is just naive & a bit immature, I’m sorry. I just really firmly don’t like this type of rhetoric that is so limiting & suspicious. This is also coming from someone who has been cheated on in the past (again it was done with a total stranger). And saying it so confidently like “it is absolutely going to happen” is just wild. I am 32 have half multiple boyfriends be close to my friends & it has literally never happened or come close to happening.

[@sticklerbestickling]

@@GoJojo-lv6zi yes exactly on the acquaintances & close friends difference for sure

[@TheGhostofAbigailMills]

If another woman can "take" your man, he was never yours to begin with. And even if they do "steal" him, they're going to lose him the same way they got him. I'm truly bewildered when people shack up with their affair partner, expect unbreakable loyalty and then are shocked when the cycle repeats itself. Or worse, "fight to keep their man". Please. Not even the biggest Joanne in the world can budge a man who stands on his integrity and embodies his purpose. OP should definitely take a closer look at her man's behavior in all this ...

[@KoVi-jh6uy]

If she wanted to show her gratitude to the friend’s bf without stepping over her friend’s boundaries/possibly disrespecting her, she would have given them BOTH sandwiches or an equivalent treat. I know that the friend didn’t mount the tv, but it would have kept her from making her friend feel left out. This is why I’m not friends with my friends’ boyfriends.

[@bribro23]

Or she could have just told her friend to come get it and give it to him, instead of trying to meet alone

[@NatzTalk]

I'm not either. I also told my bestie I DON'T want to talk to you and your bf when I call YOU (HE'D take over the phone call) and to me that's weird af anyway. GUESS WHAT!? MY bf ain't going to be chopping it up with you if the roles are reversed.

[@kianarosablau]

I hate men who make women compete about them. Also dont understand why women blame other woman and not the man.. You are right about the mother in law "issue".

[@corpselizzy]

The guy was never doing anything to be shit on it was literally the ex best friend the guy never hit on the ex best friend or made her think she had a chance

[@destroyraiden]

the bible conditions them first.

[@catcat9582]

I don't think you can steal someone.

[@kpopme7327]

you can't "steal" someone if they don't want to be "stolen" 😂

[@catcat9582]

@kpopval7327 right right. I definitely think a lot of us women still believe that the woman has more power over th man and should be the moral mediator if there's attraction and interest from a guy who is in a relationship. I just know most people play by the line all is fair in love and war. I've always restricted myself but it seems others don't do that & it's unfair

[@frenchgirl5878]

People can not be stolen this but they can definitely be seduced even if they were not initially attracted. I know a woman who was really beautiful and had an average looking shy girl friend. Because the shy girl didn’t have many friend, the married woman decided to bring her along any time she went out with her husband. In the beginning the husband wasn’t thrilled at all and had to be persuaded by his wife to accept her company. Well, that same, average looking, shy girl who didn’t have many friends managed to seduce the husband and break up the marriage.

[@ayayouta5698]

Yes u can't ever steal someone , they wanted to be stolen 🤦🏻‍♀️

[@crystalclear7453]

Not steal but seduce.

[@anafano1613]

Kelly didnt even drop any names, so initially we didn't know who the ex bestie is... but Joana still felt called out and made a response? I think she knew that she had her faults and that tells us enough. I want to know the bf's response tho too and if he was assertive enough to say a solid "no" to Joana's advances, ya'll got to be careful with pick me's and men who love the attention from them.

[@Lorynae]

That's a great observation! Also, those "men" are pick-mes too. Stay safe out there ladies.

[@catcat9582]

@@Lorynae also, you do realize the girlfriend title is meaningless to most guys??

[@Lorynae]

@@catcat9582 Yes I know, it's true and a lot of guys only want sex, not a relationship with their girlfriends.

[@aniko7125]

I don’t really think it got to the point where there was a real “overt” advance to decline. And that’s why Joanna did this the way she did. With these types of women , they do a lot of seemingly innocuous things that in isolation look like nothing, but in totality paint a different picture. She would do enough to make an advance , but have a dash of plausible deniability. (For example: She added the guy to her “close friends “ list , but she presents the defense that “Kelly is on my close friends list too!”) Then she gaslights the girl once she is suspicious. The next step is making everyone one else believe that the other girl is crazy and jealous and eventually get the guy to believe that as well.

[@RickRorose]

She’s a narcissist. Any attention is good attention. Had a few run ins with those types of narcs. They are something else. They just want to show the Kellis that she will always be beneath her in the hierarchy (that’s in Joanna’s head) and out to prove it is so. Any spoils from the fallout is just a bonus

[@sharkizinhanha3317]

No the friend is trying to outdo the girlfriend. She’s a pick-me ratchet.

[@bodaciousmo]

Straight up predator!

[@Likelyfairy]

Pick me ratchet is my new favorite 😂

[@sharkizinhanha3317]

@@Likelyfairy 😂😂😂 I went through a similar situation w a girl from the Midwest that tried to snatch up my ex. Believe you, me, she was also a pick-me ratchet…!! 😂🤣🤣

[@AaliyahGrady.]

imma start saying that lmaoo pick-me ratchet

[@ausetbanks3501]

When I was close to my one good friend I would never even think or look in any direction of the men she likes or picked....They might call this girl code but I call it common sense ,self respect and morals ..with other women Im not as close to ,I don't always get that type of reciprocation but if my ties to that man is strong and he respects me ,he will g check any girl that I know that approaches him and come back to tell me all about it ... People need to respect boundaries or sit in their karmic backlash when their bad intent comes back around to them and someone tries their man as they did to someone else .

[@therealmanifestelle]

This😳

[@BambiLena666]

As a girl that unfortunately grew up with boys, it took me a long time to give up on friendships with men and built friendships with women. It was always very easy for me to talk to boys/men and I realised my efforts to make someone feel welcome were often misconstrued by other girls, even though I have never done anything with a taken man. It made me so stressed out I just started borderline ignoring them and I almost never see or talk to the men my friends date/are married to now. And even in my most stubborn delulu era of men are just people, you can be friends with whomever, it doesnt mean anything dont be weird, I cant imagine acting like this girl described. However, in the grander scheme of things, that "friend" did her a favor of revealing what kind of man shes dating. He couldve handled things VERY differently and he choose to do this. Yeet that man. I was never angry at girls that tried to hit on my partner, it gave me a nice window of seeing how this man handles himself and how he treats women.

[@HandleUnclear]

Men are in fact just people, and you can be friends with whoever you want. Those are not false much less delusional statements. Mature people understand that boundaries are important and not all friends are treated the same. If you don't know how to maintain healthy social boundaries, and believe all your friends regardless of gender and relationship status should be treated exactly the same...then yes, you will have problems. My husband and I share the same friend group, majority of them are men. We're an online group of older gamers, and even in such a setting I don't hangout with any of the men alone. Most of our irl friends are also married and I spend more time with the wives... doesn't mean I'm not friends with the husbands, as I tend to have more "masculine interests" I just treat them differently, and have strict boundaries. Heck my girlfriends know my husband comes first, I don't care who I offend with the boundary of putting his comfort first. So no girls night out, or girls trip etc.

[@BambiLena666]

@@HandleUnclear That sounds like a semantics issue. I dont call people im making a choice to never talk to 1 on 1 or cant hangout alone with them "friends". The same way you can have a nice cordial relationship with your coworkers, neighbors or the people at your yoga class, I wouldnt call them my friends. The guys from my gamer group are just that. I wanna say English used to use "pals" to describe people you have a superficial relationship around sharing a space or interest that is more than an acquaintance but less than a friends, but im not native so Im not sure.

[@daisydelarocha3688]

@BambiLena666.. I'm the same as you, in regards to your comment:).. 🙂. You sound like a good Woman. We could definitely be friends. Lol!

[@daisydelarocha3688]

​@@HandleUnclearYep.

[@bribro23]

The man did nothing wrong…… matter fact he did everything right. When she tried to meet him alone for the sandwich , he brought his girlfriend as he should. He doesn’t want to be rude to his girlfriend’s friend/ roommate. He didn’t encourage any behavior

[@RS-007]

Yea that friend is one of those girls who purposely disrespects boundaries and needs attention while playing victim

[@deebutterfly19]

Hey girly! You’d be proud. I finally broke up after 2.5 years with a man who did not appreciate or see my worth. I kicked his ass to the curb! And I did it amicably and smoothly. I still talk to him but boundaries are thick and he moved back to his home state. Your videos have helped me tremendously to put myself first and remember who tf I am ! Thank you. ❤️ For anyone trying to leave someone who doesn’t value you, I know it’s scary as hell to step out on your own. But I can testify that it’s worth it. It’s Day 3 of the breakup and I feel so much lighter, and just have peace of mind that I never had in the relationship. It’s hard but well worth it. 🙏🏽❤️

[@advisorywarning]

💪🏼💪🏼💪🏼💪🏼💪🏼

[@FaerieTidbits]

Good on you but trust me, block and delete his ass for good!

[@Lissitchka]

​@@FaerieTidbitsyes, because they are always coming crawling back Please ditch him forever. A New man will come. ❤ and don't forget. Peace of mind is the Priority. I am myself in an similair situation. Stick to your choice. Treat yourself well. Please.

[@Lissitchka]

My ex still calls me and tries to come back

[@spiritualBaddi]

I left after 7yrs. It's always worth it when you choose yourself 💜🧘‍♀️🎉

[@SilentTrip]

"Sometimes the better quality of life comes with not having a partner." PREEEEACH MISS ELLE ❤🙌❤

[@chandanavanam1123]

that hit me naawww i want a partner😭

[@Rosetta-gp9mk]

@@chandanavanam1123same 😢

[@mae1062]

​@@chandanavanam1123lol I get you girl...but I think the most important part it to be okay first without a man. That way if he turns out bad you won't be afraid to walk away because you're already okay and content being alone

[@Dodo_Airlines]

@@mae1062 THIS ✨

[@sarahr4231]

I think this sometimes and I just got married in September 😢

[@queenkahlua579]

Wearing your best friend’s boyfriend’s hoodie is grimey and a violation of girl code. Like why would you do that sis?😒

[@no.6377]

I could excuse her just borrowing it and then giving it back. But she really """borrowed""" it for _two weeks_ and just forgot to give it back? How stupid does she think we are? Trifling behaviour.

[@misc.MARISKI]

For real.. “it was cute” is such a bs embarrassment of an excuse. Go buy your own cute sweater then sis, like tf? It belonging to your friend’s bf should make it instantly not-cute/cringe to wear

[@Nessie596]

She knew what she was doing, and a man that can be “stolen” isn’t worth it. A lot of men will take just general politeness from women as flirting which is something I learned a lot later than I would like to admit. I eventually did learn to ignore my friends’ boyfriends. I used to try to make my friends’ boyfriends feel included in our group by trying to find ways to include them in our conversations when we would all hangout. This was apparently the worst thing I could do because I had two of my friends’ boyfriends (now exes) try to message me on messenger with those dreaded “hey” messages. I instantly blocked them because eww. The gay men in our group told me that guy friends aren’t usually that nice to each other and take polite behavior as flirting. They also told me it wasn’t my responsibility to make grown men feel included. They should be making that effort themselves. That was an eye opening conversation for me. I hadn’t even realized how much I was catering to men before. 🤦‍♀️

[@KoVi-jh6uy]

Also…the hoodie. If Joanna borrowed the hoodie when Kelly and her unnamed bf were not dating and during those two weeks Kelly and bf started dating, why couldn’t Joanna just give Kelly the hoodie? They literally live together. Kelly and her boyfriend, who I’m guessing visited often, could have easily asked for it back at any point. But I’m guessing that Kelly and her bf didn’t want to make a big deal out of it by demanding it back, assuming Joanna would give it back especially now that the two became an item. But then Joanna kept wearing it and posting pictures in it and said she kept it because she’s “bad at giving back hoodies and it’s cute.” Girl, what? I think she was just waiting for either…1) Kelly to get fed up with Joanna constantly posting in the hoodie and not returning it on her own accord. This allows Kelly to look like a pyscho for making a big deal out of “just a hoodie” in such a new relationship. This discredits Kelly and possibly makes her look bad with her new bf, and maybe in Joanna’s mind it makes her look comparatively better. 2) An opportunity for the guy to reach out to Joanna. Joanna borrowed the jacket the night they all met and became friends, before Kelly and her bf started dating. This gave Joanna an opportunity to naturally speak with and connect with the guy if Kelly and him did not click, without making it seem obvious to either the guy or Kelly that she was into him too. Even after they started dating, Joanna still did not return the hoodie. Why? Not because she didn’t forget, but because it still gave her OR HIM an opportunity to speak to him on the DL starting off the convo with returning the jacket. This is just a guess, it wasn’t clear if the hoodie was acquired that same night or another night after Kelly and bf started dating - who knows for sure what really happened. But this is why you should NEVER ask your girl friends to get a guy for you. 1. Those guys ain’t shit. You want someone who wants to put in the effort to get to know you. You’ll be stuck initiating everything important with guys like these. 2. Girls who talk to a guy for their friends are not as kind-hearted as they appear. Crappy boyfriend. Crappy friend. Kelly can do better.

[@jayceyallen7745]

I just assumed they both did ask for it back but she kept coming up with excuses to not give it back and he maybe thought it'd be easier for the GF to get it back. I don't wanna assume the guy did wrong bc I haven't heard every single detail of this conflict to know how involved he got. From what I heard they both met him at the same time when he was single so adding them both on social media isn't a big deal and I think it's only weird if he still hasn't blocked the old friend. I feel like the only thing I could side eye him about is the hoodie but if they were at his place and she was cold I don't think he saw it something would turn out to be a big deal and was probably just trying to be nice to the friend of the girl he liked. I think it was an awkward situation the old friend tried to put him in where he is trying to make a good impression on the main girl by seeming like a gentleman but the old friend tried to take advantage and swoon him over to her. Which obviously didn't work bc I haven't heard of him doing anything that should've made the old friend think he liked her. At some point men realize they want a real relationship and not just flings and when they find a girl that they want to settle down with will treat them with love and respect so as long as he wasn't playing into the weird behavior at all I don't think ppl have a reason to look down on him.

[@CassieTranthesuperfitbabe]

The worst reactions I saw were people instantly asking what the man looked like as if whether or not he was attractive would justify anything. I don’t care if my best friend’s man is the handsomest man alive or a real life Gollum-Quasimodo hybrid-he’s off limits!

[@FaerieTidbits]

Lmaoo 😂 this!!

[@VagabondAnne]

Somehow since the day I turned 18 I was relentlessly pursued by married men. I figured it was just an an annoying part of being an adult female AT FIRST, but then after a while it really made me wonder if marriage was all it was cracked up to be, if men were so quick to run off. My Dad has been a super loyal and loving husband to my Mom, so it was hard to imagine at first. So grateful to my Dad to know what it feels like to have a solid man in my life.

[@animusanima3094]

Every time, when I saw a man is in the relationship with his woman, I automatically register him gay in my eyes. I never feel attracted to a taken man. The universe is very abundant. I onced had my friend's bf adds me on the Facebook, I screenshot & sent it to my friend & let her know I wouldn't accept the request. There is no need to be a friend to any men especially the taken one ✨✨

[@namari9307]

that happens to women too: when you get into relationship somehow you become more attractive to other men

[@annara686]

Because woman in happy relationship looks happier. Men(and people in general) attracted to happiness

[@pppf_S]

hell nah, they have this desire to test u and test their power over u@@annara686

[@buckyyyb]

@@annara686people are just disrespectful as hell. “Looking happy” is no excuse to try and push boundaries and make people uncomfortable. we’re attractive before and happy before. People are just gross when they do that

[@annierminx]

@@buckyyybYeah. Like I don't exactly feel any amusement over actively spending my own energy on trying to push myself onto people that are already paired with someone else, like...why??

[@liapatraunleashed]

This utmost respect for other women’s relationships is a hallmark of strong virtue & high self esteem. Women who covertly plot to win the affection of their actual friend’s partner is pathetic and quite sad.

[@eriririiii]

She should’ve bought a sandwich for both the girl and the boyfriend! That’s just common courtesy especially since they live together.

[@user-lt7ff1tg9f]

If he cheats, he isn't supposed to be your man. If he wanted to be your man, we wouldn't mess up the one chance he has with you. He would be smart enough to know that and NEVER take you for granted.

[@femininerenaissance]

Be careful of the type of friend who would steal from you then help you look for it

[@lolitzshelly7229]

Loved the plot twist. Loved the accurate delegation of responsibility behind this whole mess to the 2 co-villains in this story. I don’t think we’re calling out the boyfriend enough in this

[@windsey]

SHE IS DOING GODS WORK

[@therealmanifestelle]

🫶🏽🫶🏽

[@TheBookishB]

​@@therealmanifestelleYou go, QUEEN!

[@kiterafrey]

That statement, they think a man gave it to you, it is SO true. I work in law, I make good money. I didn't growing up though, I was born into poverty. I have a luxury apartment, nice clothing, delicate gemstone jewelry, high-end tech etc. I've had most of these things since college when I started ghost writing while getting my degree. I was single most of college, but people always just assumed I was in a relationship and have a sugar daddy. I'd always be like, Bish, I treat myself, don't be giving a fictional man my glory.

[@sunbeam3658]

If a girl is able to 'steal' your man, then she can keep him... well atleast for the time being lol 🤪

[@HiThere-tv2bd]

It's always girl vs girl. The guy should also put up boundaries. He gave her the hoodie, he showed up to get the sandwich, he helped her move. Sounds like he was low-key reciprocating whatever flirting she was doing. I doubt she would have done as much as she was doing if he shut her down but he's laying back unscathed probably enjoying the girls fighting over him.

[@jayceyallen7745]

Idk I think it depends on the specifics, he gave her the hoodie in the begging of knowing both girls when he was single and may have not expected it to turn into something so serious. And every other time he saw the old friend he brought the current gf with him. So he knew to never be alone with her. I don't think he did anything to make the old friend think he was into her but she probably thought he wasn't dedicated enough to the main girl that she could easily convince him to choose her. He must have been pretty sure about his decision on which girl he liked bc there's really no instance of him going back and forth with the girls. Ppl keep saying he let them fight over him but I don't think there was anything he could've said or done to make that girl stop the weird behavior so he made sure not to contact her or be alone with her. For at least good few weeks the two girls were still friends while he was getting to know the main girl so he may have been trying to not seem rude in front of the girl he was pursuing. If the main girl was blind to her friends behavior and he made the wrong move it could've made the main girl think he was a bad guy, esp with the old friend trying to manipulate the situation in her favor. I feel like there's not enough info about things from his perspective to judge him negatively.

[@casba3]

The thought of wearing some man's hoodie who isn't my man grosses me out.(unless I had a crush on him) You don't thank someone with a sandwich, she wanted him to have to come over, you thank someone who did you a favour with Starbucks gift card. Putting people you just met in your close friend circle on socials is desperate; it's for close friends. I've had a shady friends try to date my exes so I know an op when I see one. Elle, love your content; so wise, so enlightening.

[@aurora8749]

When I met my ex ten years ago he introduced me to his friends, two of them were very attractive women and one of them clearly there was mutual attraction between her and my now ex. Me and her hit it off and got really close, the closer we got the more distance she put between herself and him. So I only knew this girl for a few months and she chose our relationship over her getting to sleep with a cute boy so it is amazing to me that someone who considered themselves close friends would do that type of stuff. That being said had that old friend had hooked up with him she would have left two months in. I made it ten years. I think he also knew that which is why he never made moves either because if I'm honest she was better looking than me. Idk why I'm sharing. It's show and tell I guess

[@agstn9348]

"... the better quality of life comes with not having a partner." Wow. That sooo true. My granma used to have psoriasis, but it just disappeared after my granpa died. She's much healthier, lol. I love my granpa, but i know he and my granma not the best match. They got married just because it was the norm. So yes girl, soo true.

[@NullPointerException7]

Thank you! When this whole thing popped off my first question was "well what was the boyfriend doing? Was he just letting all of this happen?" We can all agree that Joanna was in the wrong for what she did but nowhere in Kelly's or Joanna's stories did either of them mention the boyfriend trying to shut it down. That was immediately sus to me and not enough people are pointing that out.

[@Nirnvana]

There are people saying that girl code is mate guarding, and that people who agree with Kelly are insecure, but y’all need to remember something. Most of these relationships are to eventuate in marriage, and Marriage is primarily to ensure that children are raised by two parents as to ensure a stable upbringing. In which the man should provide materials and protect. Yes, you want to save the provision from a good man for your children and you are not wrong for that. “I’m so chill” no, have some respect for yourself and your children if you are likely to have any.

[@exodia_2299]

If they breaks up. Is it cool to date them? Or that break the sister code ?

[@TOMFOOLERY334]

@@exodia_2299 no just find another man

[@SarahMJordan]

👏👏

[@spookyjones6577]

@@exodia_2299I assume if you want to trade a friend for a boyfriend then go ahead

[@riagreen9294]

Loving the new addition to the SGSG lingo: Pre-selected mate Poachers 😂

[@therealmanifestelle]

😂😂

[@Rosetta-gp9mk]

These women are going on a safari hunting expedition. Just not in Africa, but LA 😂

[@KARA.LupinHold]

The man is the problem here wtf was HE doing allowing his hoodie being a community service? 💀

[@hongandy]

If Joanna and Kelly's boyfriend were old friends you would get her behaviour but they just met so its obvious that she is trying to get closer. The hoodie thing...wildly weird

[@Quebonitoeslobonito123]

As someone who’s been through this, let me put it this way: One weird behavior Can be explained, maybe two, but if it’s a pattern. If things aren’t adding up, or they are actually adding up *too* well, if you know what I mean, then you know what it is. That “friend” didn’t do one thing or two, she was constantly doing questionable things.

[@crystalclear7453]

I'm gonna go with the girlfriend, you can tell from the beginning that the fake friend is gaslighting and trying to justify her trashy pickmisha methods 😂 with arguments that make no sense for anyone with a ounce on dignity and empathy. I had my crush, who I was dating at the time, seduced by my allegedly bff. It was a toxic friendship and that petty action was the straw that broke the camel's back. The guy was low value so she actually did me a favor (my current boyfriend is a keeper) by showing her disgusting true colors for real and also exposing that loser; nevertheless, it's not ok to break girl code so next.

[@thelastfeast4532]

The eyes always give a person away. The first girl has really kind eyes, she is a nice person. The second girl has dead eyes. She is dead inside, a psychopath. People like that always want to see how far they can go, what they can get away with. They want to gain this knowledge to know to which extent each person can be manipulated. Also, they live in hell and want to drag you to hell with them. The second girl cannot stand seeing the first girl happy and fulfilled, because she herself can never be, and becomes very manipulative as a result. To downplay the manipulation, the gaslighting starts.

[@FaerieTidbits]

THIS. You can always tell a person’s energy and intentions through their eyes. Always vet people and their micro expressions too

[@catcat9582]

I agree w everything but pyschopath

[@queenofhorror29]

“A psychopath” you are reaching.

[@daasocialninja4804]

@@queenofhorror29maybe not psychopath more likely narcissist

[@katiesackett2321]

I had someone ghost me because their wife thought I was crossing boundaries. This sucked because I was military, married and pregnant, and most of my friends were men because the military is mostly men. But I got over it and realized he was never my friend. Now I don't do guy friends unless it's my bf.

[@TiffanyinOklahoma]

Ive been married for a few years, my husband is amazing and my neighbor also loves my husband. When she found out I was out of town, she brought over soup for my husband with hearts drawn all over it. I saw her on my ring doorbell😂

[@nanomia]

giiirl 👀 she need to go

[@Anon00113]

Husband is sus

[@Zswcde]

TiffanyinOklahoma needs to be Tiffanyinanotherstate 😂 time to move!

[@lovelymill]

@@nanomia what did you husband do tho?

[@Pinkiiiiii9]

Omg I'm sorry, that's insane. The fact that she made sure you were out of town, ew gross. I hope your husband handled it properly.

[@MarokoJin]

I don't know if it's out of naïveté for the "ghostee" but this happened to me when I was in college... one day a friend told me laughing that her boyfriend thought I was hitting on him because I always greeting him with a smile (I was seen as distant and "snobby" ), I was floored. My friend was reassuring and she told him that I was just "acting normally" because I knew he was her boyfriend and I'm very warm with people I know. Since then, I decided to never talk or even greet "normally" someone's boyfriend or husband, I've learned my lesson. Another case was with a male friend, I noticed his girlfriend became cold when I was around so I decided not to hang out with them, cold turkey, without even talking to them. When my (male) friend made the remark, I told him, listen I'll hang out when she's not around, she's clearly not comfortable with me around. he solved that issue with her without my knowing until a few weeks later, she was the one who told me to come, as she has seen that he asked the other time and I was like "nah, I have something else to do".

[@Rosetta-gp9mk]

I mean, if he’s her boyfriend he SHOULD choose her before you. No questions asked. If you were uncomfortable with your partner having a female friend, you have all the right to ask him to distance himself from her. If he doesn’t want to give her up, there’s something going on (not necessarily romantically) and it’s time to run. A man who doesn’t have his priorities straight is not dependable. I don’t know if you watched Elle’s video about female/male friendships, but I highly recommend it.

[@MarokoJin]

@@Rosetta-gp9mk he told me later that he had a talk with her regarding me, that if he was truly interested in me he'd have asked me out first, as he knew me way before he knew her but we were just regular friends hanging out around the same "group". I get what you mean and I don't have any grudge because not everybody is clear about limits (I don't "friendzone" people and I never try to befriend someone I like) . I know that in many cases, you can't even trust your own sister, this is why I took my distances quietly, I understand her and she has nothing to explain to me but I had nothing to prove either. I ended up becoming good friends with her as well and we even hang out together when he wasn't around lol. I do believe in friendships but they're rare to be honest, I watched her video and she said a lot of legit stuff.

[@Greenrivers14]

Lol then his relationship wasn't a real one and he wasn't in love because typically guys just stop talking to the female friend if she makes the girlfriend uncomfortable or jealous.

[@MarokoJin]

@Greenrivers14 it was real and they couldn't get married at the end because of financial reasons.

[@Tkeqen]

The moment I know the man I like has a gf or has a crush on someone, I feel all the butterflies turn off, like wow, the chance to get 100% of attention is gone, even if he turns into liking me, it’s because his attention on his crush/gf was not 100% and he starts sharing it to me. Like I want a monopoly on attention and care.

[@user-lt7ff1tg9f]

A respectable man is one who exercises self-control.

[@LifeInPink999]

I don’t believe that someone can “steal” my man. If he goes with her he does that willingly and may as-well never come back I don’t need cheaters in fact those ladies may have the second hand trash just don’t act surprised if they do the same to you. A cheaters is always a cheater.

[@instagamrr]

Congrats on 100k, youre changing lives out here!

[@lovetrances620]

i truly can’t fathom the fact ppl cant see through the fact shes gaslighting this girl. like the language and behavior used in the video is so passive aggressive, and gives off such “i’m so mad you blocked and cut me off! please break your boundaries you set, and talk to me😫” energy like??? even the way she passively excused all her behaviors the girl brought up, like i would think you had ill intentions too, if i heard you talking about the situation like that as well. it litr just sounds like she’s telling her truth while denying it and that’s why she’s being so over the top about it to upset the girl cause she know she will see through it at least. meanwhile the other girl also does has some misdirected anger going on as well and i think why thats also why its so easy for people to call her completely male centered and lose sight of the other girl. throughout her whole story she gave no repercussions toward the male, and only toward the ex friend. and yes while the whole friend dynamic was way more vindictive and secretive than what the boyfriend did she still shouldn’t have let him off the hook so easily. and as you said i really feel like if he wasn’t already a pre-selected mate who let the other girl poach him a little bit, his girlfriends side would’ve been taken by the public. he had no value to the women population of the public due to the fact he wasn’t untouchable, therefore how could they stand behind her defending him. but i just find it funny how if he were the most loyal person on earth women would be in the comments like, “i understand why she wanted him” or “i would want a man like that too!!” like you are COMPLETELY correct on this theory. everyone wants something that already looks set up, and we put these men on a pedestal!

[@jayjaygaerlan]

Found your channel a year and a half after the worst breakup of my entire life. I tell people I’m just 99% healed but your channel is accelerating that remaining 1%, so thank you very much. The Pickmeshias can have my NeX who’s basking in his divine feminine energy. I wish I found your channel before I met him so I could’ve accurately identified the red flags and spared myself what happened to me. Everything you share in your channel is true based on my experience with him!

[@maryserenitya13]

Joanna was definitely plotting.

[@NatzTalk]

"Trying" to steal, she didn't accomplish her goal. And I'm sorry I can't stand when ppl say "pick" someone who doesn't cheat. Ppl do wear masks, it's not always easy to spot a toxic person. Case in point, " this friend" being discussed. You can beware but still.

[@WafflesLover95]

The only thing that I found really sus was the hoodie. The rest was fine, but keeping the hoodie for two weeks and wearing it around… that’s a bit much

[@nanomia]

same

[@AshlynnAspires]

Not only that the hoodie was a generic black Nike hoodie 😂

[@janjanl1812]

I just find it gross to be even interested in my closest girlies’ guys because it feels like incest. The guys are like not-so-close family members given their closeness to my sisters and girlfriends. And I’m automatically lost interest in a guy when he’s taken. He’s not worth the trouble.

[@lionquill]

i use to crush in a way that was really toxic, like every time my friend (she's super cool and charismatic) liked a guy i suddenly found him attractive as well! i hated feeling like that (i genuinely see her as one of my close friends and i was smart enough to know the value of having a female friendship) and didn't really understand why it happened but ever since I found your channel, I've started decentering men and being my own dream girl. now, whenever that friend gets a crush or likes someone, i tend to ignore/forget about them or point out when they aren't treating her well (i always tell her "bri you're literally a queen don't settle for that behavior")! so ty for that, elle :)

[@Zswcde]

The older I get I wonder if we place anger on the woman because we know they are easier to hold accountable. In the US, 75% of married men surveyed said yes they will cheat if they believe they won’t get caught. Placing heavier blame on men is going upstream and less effective

[@xsunlx]

I had a Joanna (my childhood bestie) and im so freaking glad i cut her out of my life. First if all she broke girl code by dating my brother when we were teens (i was not ok with that) and then acted so weird and jealous when i met my husband and forget it..i got married at 22 yrs old and her behavior was OFFFFF. She tried to reconnect recently i said HELL NO.

[@xsunlx]

Also 🚩on the matchmaker playing "cupid" friend. I had one of those and she was absolutely plotting

[@misc.MARISKI]

It’s so hypocritical to be more attracted to taken men because you think they must be a catch if another woman wants them… when in reality any man who will cheat on their s/o ain’t no catch. Not a good man at all. Boosts their ego to feel like they snatched him, then get upset when he cheats on them too.

[@rosiean9064]

Omg the consistency!! ♡ can't wait to watch both videos later

[@therealmanifestelle]

🥹🫶🏽

[@eunianessa]

i live for the consistency

[@therealmanifestelle]

👏🏽👏🏽

[@Emily-tb1ud]

I have been waiting for u to speak on this thanks queen

[@therealmanifestelle]

🫶🏽🫶🏽🥹

[@daniellereid131]

The fact that the guy didn't approach either of them, but they had to show interest first shows that he likes being pursued. When it starts like that, it doesn't get better, ok?

[@corpselizzy]

I doubt that’s the case but whatever

[@biancarowena9040]

Women who have a man already, are less desirable to a man, I just wanted to point this out; because men are territorial and they respect other men more than anything, so they won’t creep into another man’s territory. The second you say you have a boyfriend or a man in your life, a man will leave you alone. It’s all you have to say. Then they know they have to contend with another man and they drop it. It’s the opposite for women, they don’t mind encroaching onto other women’s territory, I’ve noticed. As for me, I have zero desire for someone else’s man, I’m possibly also territorial too haha

[@vanillalatte5227]

Girl 2 failed to understand that her actions represent owning what is not hers, including the hoodie and boyfriend. Although it is not a "big deal" for her. It is a big deal for Girl 1. Girl 2 didn't just cross her friend's boundaries, but she disrespected Girl 1 relationship. She said they mounted the TV together, and getting the sandwich showed her gratitude. If I was her, I would've gotten two sandwiches. Last point: when she said she didn't return the borrowed hoodie, tells me she was an irresponsible person. She uses this as an excuse because she is forgetful and doesn't take accountability for her own actions. It's not just borrowing Girl 1 boyfriend's hoodie. Girl 2 disrespected the boyfriend too. It's his hoodie, and you shouldn't hold onto something that is not yours. Girl 1 should've addressed the issue to Girl 2, but I get a sense that Girl 2 has done this not just once or twice, but multiple times. I don't know these girls personally, but Girl 2 uses "It's not a big deal" to defend her unlikable behaviour.

[@MaySandifer]

I, as an old broad, decided after dealing with a BF that kept wanting to make me jealous, that there isn't a wall high enough or a moat deep enough to keep a bf or hubby from cheating. If he cannot figure out, or remember that he is in a committed relationship, then I don't want him. He is too much work and a burden.

[@abbyk.6410]

One thing not mentioned was that she approached the guy at the bar for the eventual GF. NEVER approach a man on behalf of a friend. Would love a video on that from you. Either approach yourself or wait for the man to approach. But there is a classy way to be a wingman or wing woman and that is childish. I think they weren't dating at the time she added everyone. Which- okay. The hoodie thing speaks to not respecting boundaries and using it as leverage to gain a message from him. It's impolite to use a thing you've borrowed for more than it's initial use. I have a coffee mug that I borrowed from a friend of mine who made me a cup in exchange for a favor- and It's washed and waiting to return to her. I DONT use it. Then by the time she got a sandwich from a fancy bakery they were together and that's the real over the line moment. But the gf knew the Vibes before that and knew this girl was circling like a shark in the water before she made the move.

[@arianex2575]

The second girl knows what she’s doing lol

[@fyevalentine7670]

Let’s talk about the girl who tries to befriend you because she knows you like someone that she likes.

[@d53380]

I’m so glad you called this ish out! She was getting on my nerves with all her excuses.

[@MphoenixE]

I'm great at cooking and baking. A coworker asked for cookies and I told him that if I bring some to the office, he could have how many he wanted. I do not give individual men food except the ones I'm involved in or want to be involved with. And that include store bought snacks.

[@itsbeeva]

Thank you for explaining the significance of getting another man food. Because I wouldn’t want another woman getting my man food or vice versa. idc what anybody thinks about that either. You can have your own boundaries/rules in YOUR relationships.

[@novanoire93]

All of the good men are taken. So take the man that's taken. 😂 That's like saying all of the money is at the bank, so rob the bank. And you don't have to take these men, they're usually for the world 😂

[@FeryxSuperior]

that girl needs to grow so much, if this is what she does to her friends imagine how she is in her relationships

[@Justifycope]

Wow elle you're really precious! The amount of times i have witnessed this with my close friends... oh my god they are so miserable. They act nice and innocent to each others faces but they are clearly trying to hurt each other under the surface and misbehaving being pathetic and poaching.

[@Nirnvana]

Yes ladies, the way in which you were able to pull a man says a lot about his value as a partner.

[@selindavis7389]

He enjoy the catfight 😂😂😂 he loves it

[@clairedifilippo6522]

Oh my goodness the way that you said "you don't have a mother-in-law issue you have a man issue" girly!! you hit the nail right on the head . What an awesome way to sum it up.

[@OGfromQueens]

I avoid the appearance of impropriety! She said the hoodie was cute...It was a plain black Nike hoodie 😐 Gurl what?

[@rukiv3701]

I also don't have my friends boyfriends on social media. There is no need for that. My friends boyfriend offered me hoodie and I refused because I felt so uncomfortable.

[@charbett]

she slays every single episode istg 🤌🏼

[@susanmarks416]

The thing about the hoodie is it belong to her roommate's bf, so there was no reason in hell not to give it back to her roommate that same night when they got home. Or better yet took it off when leaving her roommate's bf's place. js

[@OE2023]

First of all, if he's capable of being stolen he ain't my man.

[@taraz6786]

She stole your problem, not your man. Words to live by always. 😂

[@gothicvomit4894]

Lowkey I dont agree exactly with girls and boys can't be friends but I feel like it's more that they can't be held to same level of friendship. Like literally will never have a male oriented friend group again, i got exposed to so much hate it was insane. Though when i made friends with the only 2 guys in our female dominated group it was much better. They NEVER made passes at us and we never did at them. They had their partners and we had ours and had boundaries. That was a much better mix tbh. Though atm in college I'm in a female dominated group and the way the men are at my school I couldn't imagine adding men to the mix. Like I feel like it's so rare nowadays for successful female/male friendships because men see females as objects and to many times will only be friends because they like them. It's very rare for it to be platonic anymore. Which is sad because the male friends in my female dominated group were super cool but the patriarchy has simply just made it almost impossible. Like I USED to have 2 bestfriends up until last year. We had known eachother for 7 years. I had gotten him into relationships with girls he liked and he got me into my own relationships. Eachothers wingman type beat. Then he started dating a girl who was friends with my highschool bully who was going to my college. Didn’t tell me she was spreading rumors about me. Was calling me every night because he was having TONS of arguments with her. Like and this was only 2 months into the relationship. He started ditching me for her a lot to. Then started inviting her to our hangouts. Then she ended up SA'ing me and he just sat there. I haven't spoken to him in a year. Like legit he made me lose all hope in dudes for a good while. I'm grateful for the good supportive male friends i had but they are to rare and tbh you can't trust men. So you can be friends with them just remember to watch out because they are at the end of the day STILL MEN.

[@leqm98]

At the beginning I was about to agree with you, but then the second paragraph took a terrible turn and you ended up proving Stelle’s point. That man who you had been a loyal friend to, who knew you for years, who benefited from your presence (as you said he got gfs through knowing you), he took none of that into consideration and threw it all in the trash, causing you a lot of harm in the process. It’s a sad reality we live in. He was never truly your friend or cared about you and, trust me, you are so much better without him in your life. I’m so sorry you went through this. Sending you good wishes and healing ❤️‍🩹

[@gothicvomit4894]

@@leqm98 AH I think that guy just made me hesitant to trust men. Which is why after i never tried making more guy friends then the ones i originally had. When I got sa'ed by his girl I blamed myself. My other guy friend who I have known for the same amount of time brought me out of that self guilt. I very much thank him for that support. I remember being pretty emotional typing all this. I think my point was that men can be good friends, it's just that a lot of them truly only think with their dick and it's sad because it ruins relationships. I also think i was trying to use my personal experience to give 2 sides of a coin, like good and bad. Tbh it just looks like a ton of word vomit, lol I was on something when I posted this 😭. Though thank you for the kind words also wishing you well

[@cappuccinogrande]

Me too. I’m never following my girlies bf or husbands in social media. Because I don’t want that additional interaction. Taken men do not exist for me. I respect my girlfriends