stop dating men who hate you + male loneliness + divine feminine

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In this episode, we dive into the crucial topic of recognizing and avoiding men who harbor deep-seated hatred towards women, including yourself. Elle emphasizes the importance of developing discernment to identify such men and highlights a recent viral Twitter thread that exposes their true colors. Elle acknowledges that not all men fall into this category and expresses her appreciation for good men. However, she points out that the widespread resonance of the tweet proves that many women have experienced this kind of mistreatment. She shares her own experiences of being criticized for calling out men's behavior and urges women to stop making excuses for grown men. Throughout the episode, Elle encourages listeners to prioritize their own happiness and well-being. She reminds them that loving oneself is essential and warns against accepting relationships with men who hold disdain for them. Elle describes the characteristics of a good man who values and respects his partner, emphasizing the importance of setting high standards. The discussion also delves into the issue of male loneliness. Elle challenges the notion that it is solely women's fault, highlighting how women's increased education and financial stability have shifted the dynamics of relationships. She emphasizes that men must do more than simply provide financially and must also be emotionally available and socially aware. Elle courageously addresses the threats of violence that women often face when discussing male loneliness. She refutes the blame placed on women and brings attention to the long-standing danger that men pose to women due to biological differences. Elle emphasizes the need to prioritize personal safety and rejects the notion that women should accept mistreatment for fear of retribution. In conclusion, Elle urges listeners to stop dating men who hate them and to recognize their own worth. She emphasizes the importance of practicing self-love, surrounding oneself with supportive individuals, and trusting one's intuition. Elle empowers her audience by explaining that their absence in men's lives has a profound impact, and that women possess immense power and influence. She signs off by encouraging listeners to go out and seize their dreams.

[@__Liza__]

Men are literally working on creating realistic sex bots and incubators instead of just being good, decent people.

[@AmericanDreamer]

yup 😬

[@elgooghosent7080]

And being 6,5 ft tall... yk

[@goddessvibes08]

That's the red pill ideology. Ironically a Muslim started that movement

[@charley6302]

unfortunately it will just make them worse

[@GrungeGalactica]

The men who legitimately think tech could replace an actual human- I’m happy to have the bots take care of them for us.

[@catcat9582]

Such leadership. Waiting for a girlfriend to break up with you. Such masculine courage and integrity.

[@therealmanifestelle]

this

[@basicinfo2022]

/s lol

[@catcat9582]

@@basicinfo2022 lmao absolutely

[@abor1males]

😂😂😂😂

[@AdayBB231]

Woow 😂😂😂 I never knew men did this ! I thought they’d just dump you

[@kiterafrey]

Women: Don't be a dick. "Lonely" Men: The bar is unrealistically high standards.

[@AmericanDreamer]

🙌🎯

[@rainydayz6429]

Actual standards: be at least 6 ft Make at least 6 figures a year Drive a nice car Own a nice house Big (you know what) 6 pack abs, skinny/ athletic Sharp jaw line, etc etc.. Guys ACTUAL standards: Feminine, nice, open, non-problematic. 🤷🏻

[@sadiemakesmesmile]

@@rainydayz6429as a woman, you have not described my standards at all. But thanks for showing you can generalise but we can’t.

[@sadiemakesmesmile]

@@rainydayz6429also there is a lot of misogyny attached to ‘non problematic’ when it’s referring to women, maybe you didn’t know…

[@SiegfriedLextr]

@@sadiemakesmesmile Is there no misandry attached to "don't be a dick"???? Goes both ways.

[@Pink_pr1ncess]

Some men deserve loneliness, there I said it.

[@Liz-wz8dh]

That's not radical. Some definitely do. My last guy, I'm pretty convinced, knew his tactics were going to keep failing and he was going to be alone for the most part. He had this big lone wolf picture in his living room and I really feel like that was how he saw himself. Because he was a loser in the eyes of most women just based on the way he thinks about and treats women. Wouldn't surprise me to find out he's an incel these days after his failures. So they know.

[@Pink_pr1ncess]

@@Liz-wz8dh yeah but for some reason it is radical to say that,because so many men got butthurt over the fact that male loneliness is not at the fault of women and women aren’t breaking their backs to save these grown men from their own problems.

[@Femmeaesthetic]

@@Pink_pr1ncess men aren't blaming women for male loneliness, there talking about there issues of the struggle there going through

[@nataliesuper5836]

​@@Pink_pr1ncess my whole life, whenever I've asked a man for their thoughts and opinions on a matter or help with something the response has basically been a mix of "I'm not interested, find someone who cares, that's not for me to figure out, that's not my problem to think about, i got nothing to say".... the list goes on. They won't hear my thoughts. They won't give me their thoughts. And they wonder why "male loneliness" and suicide is an issue. I shouldn't give a flip. Not one flip.

[@Pink_pr1ncess]

@@nataliesuper5836 me neither, I don’t care if men are lonely. Just leave women the hell alone and be lonely in peace

[@wk3827]

men say women don’t take it well when they get rejected but one gender has a history and multiple terrifying cases of going batshit crazy after getting rejected while the other doesn’t so…

[@wk3827]

@@Forit26 i’m really not sure who told you that but women DO actually get rejected quite often, especially women who aren’t conventionally attractive or for lack of a better word bigger in size. the only women visible to men are women who are beautiful & attractive, the rest are just sidelined

[@wk3827]

@@Forit26 rejections aren’t only limited to let’s say asking people out on the streets though…if more men asked women out on the streets of course more men will be rejected…but women get rejected in the context of let’s say confessing or asking someone that’s close to them

[@wk3827]

@@Forit26 i would be inclined to agree if looks were the only things that mattered in a relationship when more often than not it’s not…

[@FloppaTheBased]

because women don't have to get rejected lol, they just choose. And even if they approach first practically NO man will reject lmao. So when it happens (extremely rarely) it hurts them much more. For men rejection is basically their whole life, for women it's an ego destroyer

[@wk3827]

@@FloppaTheBased i beg you to actually talk to REAL women lol…i know plenty of women who got rejected after confessing to their crushes (but same for men)

[@sarahmaswadeh490]

If y’all ever really wanna know if the guy you’re seeing is misogynistic just outright say something misogynistic & see if he agrees with u. Works every time

[@catcat9582]

Another tip ask what kinda porn he likes in a non confrontational tone if you are against porn because he will think things are gonna get saucy but really you are seeing if you two are compatible

[@sarahjaye4117]

@@catcat9582That’s a good idea as he could be into a thing you are not and/or abusive.

[@nannaed7833]

Brilliant!! I’ve always done this to sort them out

[@jayq4374]

@@catcat9582 I like misogynistic porn as a women so I don’t agree I think kinks are separate from real life mostly

[@catcat9582]

@jayq4374 I think for women that's true

[@SoniaBonia33]

I’m going to correct one thing: do not take men at their word. Words aren’t tangible. Actions are. The follow through on his word is what matters.

[@TMeyer-ge5pj]

Omg yes! I was dating (as in going on dates) with a guy during a stressful time in my life. I was moving and had a lot of family stuff going on. He would say "I know you're stressed..." but then expect me to spend hours going on dates with him, instead of making the dates like an hour or two. I stopped seeing him because it felt like he didn't really make an effort to respect my time, even though he knew I was stressed about it

[@mommybasics]

Yes!!!

[@shainahernandez5492]

@@petervizzini4006no shit Sherlock

[@loserlesbutch]

Wish someone told me this with my last relationship. It's so exhausting to ask for the bare minimum and for him to say "I'll do better" just for it to never happen.

[@aliya6158]

Feeling the same . I was waiting for my birthday dinner for 6 months (!), yep, I was that stupid to stuck with him for 6 more months, and then I finally broke up with him he was surprised 😅

[@valpereira1447]

In this thread there was a comment that said "Men feel emotionally attracted to their friends and sexually attracted to women" and it makes a lot of sense when you think how, they prefer cheating on their SO before pissing their homies off, even at the expense of their S.O

[@marystewart5753]

Yes

[@curiousmoa3998]

Funny bc their girlfriend probably treats them better

[@emptyvoid5272]

"All or almost all of that which pertains to love, most straight men reserve exclusively for other men. The people whom they admire, respect, adore, revere, honor, whom they imitate, idolize, and form profound attachments to, whom they are willing to teach and from whom they are willing to learn, and whose respect, admiration, recognition, honor, reverence and love they desire... those are, overwhelmingly, other men. In their relations with women, what passes for respect is kindness, generosity or paternalism; what passes for honor is removal to the pedestal. From women they want devotion, service and sex. Heterosexual male culture is homoerotic; it is man-loving." -Marilyn Frye, The Politics of Reality: Essays in Feminist Theory

[@katec9893]

​@@emptyvoid5272I remember reading this before, thanks for sharing! It sadly does seem to be true that men tend to really love and value their male friends, whereas from women they want sex, the creation of a family, childcare and housework. I've seen how lovingly and supportively men talk to eachother in online forums about self improvement, whilst they say really awful misogynistic cruel things about women.

[@brytankak9598]

This is a western world phenomenon. Growing up in the Eastern Europe it was normal for me to spend every day with my boyfriend, getting to know each other. When I emigrated to the "west" I was astounded to be in relationships with "men" spending all evenings and into the night with their mates / male cousins / down the pub or alone. In the East men concern themselves with building successful families and coupling. In the west they exploit women and bond with other males.

[@dabbythehashelf9328]

My take as a gay man: many women are forcefully infantilized, and many men are grown infants.

[@idkwhatever9561]

ayyyy a fellow queer, love that for us!

[@emptyvoid5272]

​@@Sleipnirseight This, except it's more weird in my case personally because I'm not sexually attracted to women but I can be romantically attracted to them

[@Enriquez2222]

I hate talking to a man and it feeling like I’m having a conversation with a child that i have to teach. Omg 😱

[@kausha7135]

​@@Enriquez2222 yes! Why do I have to spell out for a man something they should know if they had BASIC EMPATHY. Men act like that's so hard for them because of biology... if that's true, then learn. Women have been extremely successful in male traits like leadership and male-centric careers because we took the time to master them, even if society or biology put us at a disadvantage. Men can learn female traits like compassion, intuition, and empathy.

[@catcat9582]

They don't like rejecting women because we raise their status even if they don't personally like us.

[@LadyJani]

Omg true!!!

[@sarahjaye4117]

Indeed

[@aliceluis3272]

If she broke up they also could use the narrative that the women in the relationship was the bad one or the crazy dramatic one or "feminism change her!" and pretending they are victims so the next girl can feel bad for him and mothering him because they "can't be alone for so long".

[@mochapupcake]

@@aliceluis3272so true!! If they ever talk bad about their ex they’re definitely the one who did them wrong & want to gain sympathy from the next girl.. like why would you hate someone you dated? I wish I would’ve listened sooner. When men talk about their ex’s LISTEN!! don’t be like me.

[@aliceluis3272]

​@@mochapupcake Not always but it could be . We are more emotional so more easy to be fooIished. Maybe I am thinking to much but I dont like to see people played by their emotions . I think its looser behaviour needing to use a person you HATE.Also don't be harsh on yourself,everyone is a fool when they are in love, at least you learn something from that experience (I hope!).

[@goddesssweetpea3313]

My ex forgot my birthday then rubbed it in my face about his female friends birthday and told me I was “jealous” mind you he kept coming back. They hate women

[@Jessicaokolie]

He kept coming back because you kept accepting him

[@goddesssweetpea3313]

@@Jessicaokolie no even when I told him to stop he wouldn’t. I finally did a spell to make him leave and never return

[@goddesssweetpea3313]

@@Jessicaokolie a logical person doesn’t keep returning to someone’s life to make them miserable. That’s a demon and an evil person who doesn’t deserve companionship

[@monachopsis5622]

Block him 😅

[@Liz-wz8dh]

They really resent it when you set boundaries with them too. My x got pissed off when I kept holding onto boundaries he kept testing and started passive aggressively looking for ways around them. But then had the nerve to whine about how I really "wasn't that into him" anymore after a while. Yeah, I lose interest in guys who do shit like that. I said what I said.

[@OGfromQueens]

I'm so proud that the younger generation of women have come to these realizations early. Big up yaself young lady!

[@Luna-th9pk]

🥰🥰

[@SA-ey6nt]

That's the power of talking to each other..

[@ayuanabradford3206]

We learn it. At least i learn it as from my grandparents relationship. My grandmother put up with my grandfather and it sad. It seem like he dont respect my grandmother as he only use her to take care of him. When i was young i didnt see this until i moved in with them and i could see how my grandmother put up with the controlling abuse. He never help her; when she say she cant see where she walking. He wont take her to the store when needed and if he do he complains but…Like she take it and once she threaten to leave, but her parent’s died and now she stuck with him for life. As if she leave she will be back because back then baby boomers had no choices like women today do. I feel bad for my grandmother because i see it because my grandfather complains how i waste alot of his gas when i give him first $50,$75 and than $100. Like it was to much i had to walked once and almost got kidnapped and than my ex took me from school and i moved in with him. Also my grandfather. He threw a shoe at me once for not waking up on time… so yeah i don’t blame women. Find a men that will respect u and u dont mind taking care of you.

[@sadiemakesmesmile]

You also learned it from older single women and teachers like me, who fought the patriarchy and were brave to add our voice when it wasn’t so easy.

[@kgs2280]

@@sadiemakesmesmileRight on, Sister! Second Wave woman here too. Now, hopefully, these younger women will finally be able to teach the men by no longer putting up with their BS.

[@alyssamichaela]

Remember ladies, if he gets off on violent porn/can only get off if hes hitting or choking you, RUN. run very far and never come back.

[@alyssamichaela]

@@fmm5577 what conclusion?

[@mikuhaha261]

can you please let me know more about this? like why could this potentially be a red flag in a man? is it because of the misogynistic undertone?

[@alyssamichaela]

@@mikuhaha261 you wanna know why a man getting off on the abuse of women is bad...?

[@mikuhaha261]

youre right that is pretty abusive, im sorry if my comment seemed weird.. that type of stuff was normalized during my relationships, i thought as long as its consensual it wasnt a big deal but its clearer to me now, thank you for your reply

[@alyssamichaela]

@@mikuhaha261 no you're okay. Sorry for the tone and I hope you're doing better now

[@noonereally4798]

Men don’t reject people or leave people because it doesn’t benefit them to do so, they basically want everyone, that’s why they cheat rather than leave, it’s because you are still of benefit, so why leave? They have a very have your cake and eat it too mentality, there is no limit to the amount of kids they can have, and it doesn’t cost them their body to have them, so why would they reject anyone or leave a unhappy relationship?

[@irinaivanovic9792]

Excellent points. ALL of them. Men literally benefit NO. MATTER. WHAT.

[@qtkev3933]

@@Bb-jm6wxbecause I honestly see a lot how women always go for the top of the top, the rich or the players that they think they can fix. Which leads to this cycle of categorizing these few experiences with men into these horrible species that only live to have sex and use women. Like what

[@tinycatfromhell]

@@joelrcj.775 She's right though.

[@Luna-th9pk]

Pure selfishness and it’s disgusting.

[@boost800]

@@Bb-jm6wx must be very intelligent to generalise an entire gender. im sure you have more intelligent thoughts to share with us...

[@ComfortASMRalice]

That was basically my parents relationship. My dad was a bum ass with addiction and mental illness. My mom provided and took care of everything and he HAAAATED her! He told her daily that she’s the ugliest woman, that she’s stupid, and he hit her and humiliated her. My mom barely admitted this and divorced him FINALLY!!!

[@youthoughtuate431]

HOW IS SHE NOW

[@nannaed7833]

@@joelrcj.775if their child says it, it’s true. Don’t blame the victim

[@carrington2949]

@@joelrcj.775Addiction is not a one sided issue. It usually comes with a load of other traits like narcissism . We can blame the addiction but the truth of the matter is that to overcome the addiction, they have a load of other things to overcome.

[@Rina-Sa]

​@@joelrcj.775children see both sides, it's not one sided. If you end up disappointing your kids like this, if you're too mentally ill and addicted to stuff to actually be there for them that's on you.

[@Rina-Sa]

@@wPleasur3 Not only that but it seems like that guy is justifying the abuse that the OP, the child, probably endured too as well as the psychological terror. It's not even the wife's job to mind the feelings of an addict/mentally ill (it's their job to get professional help), and it's certainly not the child's job to "think of both sides of the story" and mind their shitty dad's feelings. It's the dad's job to mind their children's feelings and how they might be affecting them, not the other way around. If your own daughter doesn't like you, when children are biologically hardwired to deify their parents, it's definitely a you problem as a parent. Also if you're a shitty dad, you're definitely a shitty partner.

[@goddessvibes08]

Many men need counselling. Dunno why is this a thing.

[@therealmanifestelle]

🤎

[@jinhub2175]

Dating women as a woman has never looked so good😩🥵

[@alyshalight9762]

Bc patriarchy tells men that things like "inner work" and "self-care" is something that only women do. Bc patriarchy values men for things they do and provide, not necessarily for how they ARE as human beings. Bc patriarchy does not hold men accountable for their actions when it comes to how they treat women and their children unless it is super egregious, and you can see that we've only very recently gotten better about that.

[@dinosaur___7209]

They do need therapy but also it’s dangerous bc the worst men will go to therapy and just learn how to manipulate women better and be better abusers. It’s a ohenomenon

[@demodiums7216]

​@@alyshalight9762Its way better to be valued for who you are than what you provide

[@Ducky2613]

im not sure if you saw the podcast clip where the woman said she has such deep rich caring friendships with women that it makes dating men hard (she said she's straight) and some guys gave her shit for it but it's so true. the way my friends and i care for each other is not something most of us have had from a man. it definitely sets a standard that im proud we give each other. knowing how great a connection to a person can be makes a lot of the bare minimum men seem so worthless to date.

[@izabellaangel807]

omg same

[@rejectionisprotection4448]

Reminds me of a scene from "SATC" where Charlotte says that maybe the women are each other's soulmates and not their bfs or husbands.

[@inthegardenofmymind]

Same ! 🙏

[@jenbodhi1133]

Same

[@lilymulligan8180]

This is EXACTLY the realization I had when I finally decided to break up with my ex. I messed something up, big time, and faced big consequences, including really hurting a good friend and losing a fuckload of money. I stayed in bed for a week because I was too scared of what I would do behind the wheel. My friends who knew about the situation and who were impacted by it? They were all supportive. Even the friend who I hurt forgave me. My ex was literally the only person who treated me like shit. Instead of trying to console/soothe/distract me, he just rubbed salt in the wound. He ignored me for a week and criticized me for how I was handling my depression. Unfortunately for him, that silent treatment gave me the space to realize that as the person who I needed most in difficult times, was the person I could count on the least. His support was non-existent. That was when I realized that literally moving back in with my parents cuz I couldn't afford to live in that city alone was still the better choice than to stay with him.

[@Priitreatment]

“When you provide for a man, he will always find someone else to provide FOR” I screamed. Wish someone told me this before. I’m going to put this up on a WALL somewhere

[@schuylergeery-zink1923]

Not ALWAYS. I know many long term marriages where the woman runs a business and her husband watches the kids and keeps house with no issues.

[@YadeTheGemini]

I find it so disappointing that these men rather play the victim and prefer to threaten, insult, abuse women online and IRL, instead of sitting down to think about how they might be the cause for their own loneliness. It's sad that these men rather collectively remain toxic individuals in society, instead of bettering themselves and the men around them by holding themselves and other men accountable.

[@YadeTheGemini]

@@joelrcj.775 I think women are for the majority a lot less lonely because women are nurturers by design and therefore they value and nurture meaningful relationships a lot more compared to men. This allows women to have a circle of people that are supportive and who make the loneliness disappear or at the very least bearable. They also put more effort into maintaining these relationships, so if they have a healthy family relationship for example, they might reach out more to their families. Women also deal differently with loneliness than man do, as both already deal differently either way with emotional stuff. I think a great deal of women work on their loneliness by doing self-reflection, going to therapy and looking for solutions to feel less lonely by indulging in activities, events, environments that can contribute to the reduction or the absolving of the loneliness. I do believe there’s still a good amount of women who are unable to cope with the loneliness, but women are over all much more capable of dealing with it and getting rid of it. Some may do it in unhealthy ways while others may seek out therapy or find other healthy solutions. Regardless of this loneliness epidemic amongst individuals all around the world, I think the internet is a great place to find proof of how the majority of men choose to deal with their frustration of feeling lonely by deflecting their negative feelings onto women online (and we haven’t even mentioned how bad it gets IRL too). Again, as Elle says too, not all men. However, the amount of men who do so is such an enormous number that it has become a secondary epidemic in itself.

[@virallcullture8585]

@randomuser0483 true

[@Kinyr]

Genetics can't be fixed

[@riareed1269]

@@brianallison9437 you’re right, for so long wmn have treated mn like wmn. We assume that mn are kind, loving, loyal and see others as people. Y’all barely see each other as people. The way the mle brain is wired is to perceive the opposite sx as an object. So yeah you’re right, wmn put too much on mn. They thought too highly of y’all. Don’t worry though because videos like this one show that wmn are realizing that mn are incapable of emotional intelligence. Y’all are the exact opposite of wmn.

[@Malinkadink]

@@brianallison9437 Literally the entire OP can be flipped towards women because they're 100% out there berating men for even trying to approach them and while many men will hold other men accountable, women will reward the bad behavior of other women with praise. Men are checking out so fast its starting to hit the mainstream and we're still being called toxic when we chose not to play a rigged game.

[@noonereally4798]

If you ever help a man, he will resent you for it, don’t do it.

[@jainee4507]

lol what

[@sunbeam3658]

exactly, its disrespectful

[@hellothere8347]

@@butterflymage5623that’s understandable

[@-amogus-]

Cool. Just average sexist BS. You've missed the point of this video: 1. Have self respect 2. People are responsible for their own well-being which means that you cannot solve someone's problems by just simply supporting em. Human being must first change itself to develop into a better person. All those things work no matter of gender or role.

[@shadowdhaka]

we actually love help, what we hate is being dependant or treated like we are less or even worse useless

[@Erinba]

If you hate your girlfriend it’s because you are ABUSIVE. End of. My husband is abusive and before I realised this I used to always wonder why he hates me so much. One quick google and I realised I was in an abusive relationship.

[@boldenmywords]

You've written this in present tense. I hope that you are making plans to leave the abuser.🙏

[@Widlrr]

You needed google to figure that out?

[@Erinba]

@@Widlrr yes I did - when you are being abused you don’t know what’s going on - took me years to realise I was in an abusive relationship. I know you are just trolling but take a look at yourself and have some empathy and compassion.

[@MCE851]

​@Erinba don't validate the scrote with a response. I feel you girly, the switch up males do is unreal.

[@happilydivorced3235]

@@WidlrrYes, she needed Google to figure that out. I did too. Most women don’t have the knowledge of what abuse looks like. So, we spend most of our time trying to be the best wives as per the abuser’s demands until we realise that that doesn’t work. Abuse thrives on Ignorance.

[@JuliaShalomJordan]

I was raised to be a people pleaser and attracted the biggest loser. When I finally realized my worth, is when I met my provider husband. He supports me and I really enjoy being not useful.😂

[@rejectionisprotection4448]

You don't need to be useful of course. Men are natural energy leeches, so unless there is an energy exchange ie money, men shouldn't have access to feminine energy.

[@happynurse1062]

I think most women are raised to be people pleasers and fall in line with patriarchy. I’ve rarely met women that didn’t have to overcome their upbringing. I’m glad you put your needs first! ❤

[@kikijewell2967]

"You are useful just by being a woman." "You are his access to the Divine Feminine." From the video. You likely do all the Emotional Labor, and that's super hard work.

[@bluegoose777]

I mean, men like providing. If you do things like, for example, cook him dinner, that is extremely useful to a guy (I say this as a guy). It means a great deal to us emotionally, so your man will want to provide for you in a career sense if you do stuff like that.

[@MorenaDeRena]

​@kikijewell2967 so...date a man that doesnt perform emotional labor and can easily financially black mail you?

[@schizotakes]

if my boyfriend ever goes through the i hate you phase, i am going to go through im dumping you arc.

[@maryy.angell]

being single is looking better and better every single freaking day seriously i swear and you can not change my mind, im thanking the gods every night for it.

[@lovelymill]

why thanking the gods if you chose it yourself?

[@entityoferrors]

​@@lovelymillthe gods? 🤣

[@jenbodhi1133]

Same

[@paulamarianaruiz]

There is only one God and he is the only one you can pray to to give you a fitting partner

[@ko-xu1lr]

@@paulamarianaruiz No one is ever forced to worship this one and only God

[@__Liza__]

Before getting into a relationship I said "The only thing I want from you is to promise to BREAK UP with me instead of cheating if you're not feeling it anymore ". Nope, he couldn't do that. Too much effort.

[@Sportylottie]

Those guys need to be locked up somewhere.

[@toscadonna]

Lol. You actually thought a man’s word means something?😂 With men, you’ve got to believe the bad. Men mean whatever bad words and actions they do, but the good words and actions are mainly lies designed to trick you. Promising to break up with you before cheating is one of the “good words” that I’m referring to. He didn’t mean that, but he sure did mean the bad action of cheating. So always remember the bad when it come to men; the bad shows their true selves.

[@vanessarichardson110]

Actually they probably would resort to violence rather than do better for themselves. Because if they improve themselves, they'd be admitting that they're wrong and that embarrassment is defeat and loss in their sick minds.

[@Jennifer_Lewis_Beach_Living]

Good point. I think this is true because we’re seeing an increase in male-on-female violence.

[@Mukyuify]

yep, it will get worse. we need to get ready.

[@keymango]

I always tell my friends to invest in a purse friendly weapon like a stun gun, baton, bear spray, pocket knife, or a taser. In some cases, if you’re eligible for a permit, stay carried

[@vanessarichardson110]

@@keymango listening to the advice in feminine empowerment videos are more effective

[@keymango]

@@vanessarichardson110 That too! They help me navigate what to look out for in certain men, circles, and self worth!

[@Datb2]

i almost got attached to a loser bum once he started askin me for money i said good bye and then he had the audacity to say i took advantage of him. took advantage of what your broke!

[@howdypartner3403]

You make it sound as if she left him because she asked him for money and he had none or said no. Stop trying to twist shit.

[@howdypartner3403]

My comment is directed at joel.

[@Liz-wz8dh]

If they spend ANY money on a date, they later consider that a waste of their investment if you leave just like if they buy you dinner and you don't put out.

[@Datb2]

@@Liz-wz8dh he was asking ME, a WOMAN for money so how is there any waste of investment here in what I said?

[@Peekaboooooooooo4]

You should feel ashamed by asking a women for money. Get yourself a job. Men had 2 jobs to feed their family

[@alyshalight9762]

ALL OF THIS. Oftentimes, as women, we think that when a man is down and out, if we just pour love into him -- i.e. supporting him mentally, emotionally, financially, & physically - we'll be rewarded with his love & loyalty when he gets his life together. But oftentimes, as Elle says, that man will repay all of that woman's love, effort, energy, attention, and loyalty, with complete show of disloyalty, disrespect, betrayal, and resentment. They actually (and I've seen many examples of this in real life) respect women who WALK AWAY from them or REFUSE to date them altogether when they are down in life. Meanwhile, they will haul ass for women they truly value who they feel are out of their league. And it's not just about avoiding guys who hate *you* - men who hate themselves are just as toxic, exhausting, and potentially dangerous. Avoid self-hating men like the plague!

[@selrox879]

Its true.

[@summero-my5in]

A lot of men will use a woman when they’re down and leave her for someone else when they’re back up. They would rather be with someone who wasn’t there to see their hard times

[@Nyuffykah]

Unfortunately it is true. When we unconditionally love them they feel mothered and suffocated. Subconsciously everyone wants a person who puts up boundaries. People pleasers and nice girls are just walked over until they learn better. What thrills them about cold women is beyond me tho. If i am like that it means i am truly repelled by your energy. Why does it have to be a challenge? Men are mazoists.

[@bres.4806]

​@@NyuffykahI feel your comment so much. It's so gross how they want to be all on you and over you when you truly dislike them. Like nobody is playing hard to get I really don't want you. But then when you do actually start to like them the roles are somewhat reversed. The way to win the "game" is to literally see them as beneath you and treat them as such. It's so disheartening if you're not that type of person but want love and to be treated well. I just want to love and treat someone deserving right and they do the same. It's so rare though.

[@annara686]

​@@bres.4806, you're doing excellent job describing behavior of narcissistic man

[@valentinamusic92]

Believe her, I saw this in my family and I'm healing my wounds as a daughter. I am resentful to my father and absolutely my mother for not protecting us and now I'm working to attract only men with golden retriver energy

[@therealmanifestelle]

thank you for sharing🤎

[@charsiewmei]

As someone who also sees this in my family, good luck, sister.

[@keymango]

Praying for all the oldest sisters rn 🙏🏾💕 We’ll get our self-love and golden retriever bfs at the right time

[@abul9052]

Exactly, it’s not as if women don’t have their own wounds to deal with.

[@user-uw3jn1bp3q]

this yes @@keymango

[@omgcarsonnn]

I was dating a guy and I literally had to break up with him and I feel like he was just waiting for me to do it because when I suggested breaking up (he had been treated me very badly for weeks and had not seen me for like three weeks as well) he was all too happy to breakup. These dudes will literally just be waiting for you to say the word because they’re too cowardly to actually end it. I’m never settling for bullshit treatment again. Ever.

[@AmericanDreamer]

very true .. I'm at the end of my relationship with my bf. He is too coward to call it quits but he acts in similar way you described and much more.. treating me in Bare minimum manner so I get fed up eventually. I'm sure he already got some ladies lined up (mentally at least) to pursue and charm .

[@wyleecoyotee4252]

This is why they rarely file for divorce

[@smhan280]

GIRL!!! This just happened to me omfg. Weaponised incompetence

[@nataliesuper5836]

Yeah. What's the deal with men being such cowards? Sometimes I think they're actually playing a game... how much poor treatment will this girl put up with? It's like a test/game.

[@ChampagneCrimeStories]

So on one hand they complain that women end relationships more than they do, but then they do things to make us break up with them!!?!! 😮😮😮

[@and123_]

The same as they complain that women file more for divorce, but they do everything in their power to make thouse women go over their limits.

[@somepenguin508]

​@@Allah_Loves_Forgives_and_Savesthings like???

[@kantik2118]

Things like crazy making, gaslighting. Flirting with other women in front of you, cheating and lying in yo face, letting you go 90/10 while you work and he's home doing nothing ...

[@entityoferrors]

Victim mentality. You are wrong. No we do not "do things" or we would share the intent for yall to break up with us. I don't think you're using the right words as breaking up with us males is a choice you make! like that you chose to accept us! YOU & only you are the problem despite what we may PROVOKE you to do.

[@kanikakumari7219]

​@@entityoferrorsif you had a girlfriend you wouldn't be commenting here. Bye

[@silviaov633]

"You don't need to be useful to be loved" this, I need to learn this so bad, thank you ❤

[@nataliesuper5836]

And it's no use being useful. Few men appreciate a woman who can kill her own spiders, open her own pickle jars, and do her own repairs around the house.

[@shainahernandez5492]

@@nataliesuper5836lol ngl women are a lot more useful than that, but I get what you mean.

[@entityoferrors]

I agree as a male but we are also tired of women who don't put in the effort with us to get ahead in life & push forward. I really hope the people who liked this take that into consideration.

[@ayomidedareabel5525]

​@@entityoferrorsthen pick better. Isn't that what men tell us all the time? But no men will only stay with women like that just because they are attractive. Seen it many times without number

[@entityoferrors]

@@ayomidedareabel5525 no accountability over your own gender? example the entitlment to tell others what to do so that you don't admit to being part of the problem I bet :/ but do you

[@clara3492]

Oooh girl, the comment about hook up culture!! Society needs to stop thinking that sex is a human right, or even something that you owe someone for x y z reasons. It's not.

[@ayuanabradford3206]

Aids, hiv, prostate cancer all u can get

[@JUNJYR]

It's so easy to get for most people that they forgot it's a privilege.

[@sarahrobertson634]

Sex is a privilege, not a right.

[@Avery758]

You know a lot of this entitlement seems to stem from religion. Many different religions telling men that their wives owe them sex, that sex is their right etc etc. Men take that literally. That’s why a lot of the red pill community turns to strict Islam or Christianity and uses it to fuel their beliefs. Craziness… treating women like cattle

[@mpGreen03]

Look at how women were being treated - as OBJECTS FOR THOUSSANDS OF YEARS, do they ever think that women had a very very long time of loneliness epidemic? We did. We still do. No one talks about that though.

[@katgreer6113]

That's what I'm saying. Many of this "male loneliness" is a real feeling and experience that men go through BUT, 70% of it is self inflicted. They pull shit like this and wonder why. Nah bruh, stay lonely is you're gonna act like that, tf? Nobody cares.

[@mpGreen03]

@@katgreer6113 Plus a lot of current loneliness epidemic is also not about men in general, but about young generations - so everyone who grew up with tablet in their hands basically. It is always explained to have something to do with technology caused loneliness, why are they excluding then young girls/women from conversation? If it's not regarding to technology-based loneliness then I think it will often be the case of those lonely men either being socially inept (social anxiety etc) OR being terrible people. 🤷

[@paccawacca4069]

I thought women didn't need men? You don't get to claim you don't need men and then talk about being lonely. And no, women have not been treated as objects for thousands of yrs. Feminist historical revisionism.

[@chrissy138]

We are just not whining like them. But they have the audacity to say that we are the ones who act like victims for sympathies. That's the thing- we are really victims. We just stay strong

[@Anon00113]

Yassss men need to remember women are the bringers of life

[@therealmanifestelle]

🤎🤎

[@GiaaVlogs]

we are everything!

[@aliya5230]

@@monachopsis5622they’re not even the seed they’re just the fertilizer. We literally carry eggs.

[@SA-ey6nt]

@@JohnDoe-nm5le No, she was right, you weren't, a seed becomes a flower but a sperm doesn't become an egg. biologically men have a 50 percent hand in conceiving and a 0 in building and birthing the baby. Men have a practical role in sustaining the mother and after that the child. Everything biologically is to procreate

[@ayuanabradford3206]

@@JohnDoe-nm5leYeah but without the women carrying the baby for 9 months it wont be a child to come in a world. I think both genders need each other…

[@queteimportaa.2535]

Thank you!!! Someone that finally agrees that the men loneliness epidemic is caused by men themselves not women!!!!

[@queteimportaa.2535]

@@h8h215 but there isn't a lonely women epidemic... and so it shouldn't be blamed on women for not taking low effort men with no good qualities as their patners. The whole topic practically proves men can't be alone but won't better themselves or their actions in order to find a suitable partner. This should be called men's entitlement has consequences not a loneliness epidemic. So your hypothetical argument is not worth much since its not happening.

[@jenbodhi1133]

You’re right, this is isn’t a lonely man epidemic, it’s an entitled lie value man epidemic

[@sarahrobertson634]

Everyone knows that the "loneliness epidemic" isn't caused by women.

[@queteimportaa.2535]

@@sarahrobertson634 you'd be surprised.

[@goddessvibes08]

@@queteimportaa.2535 scapegoating is real... that's why

[@xletragedyx]

I don't mind coffee dates as a first date. I've been on a couple with guys who ended up wanting to be serious and took me on proper (expensive) dates later. Buuuuuut with my husband, his effort was immediately noticeable and different. We talked a lot, hours and hours, over two weeks before we met in person. He met me with flowers, a card, he was basically ready to get married on the spot lmao. We got married 4 months later and it's been 3 (very happy) years now. I've dated pretty much every kind of loser and I definitely felt their hatred even if I wouldn't have called it that then. I've dated guys that treated me like garbage, but after a time were really good friends to me. They then treated me as well as they treated their male friends and better than their partners. I realized I can't be friends with someone who can't get along with women. Everything in this video is straight fucking facts. Men who hate themselves won't respect you and will hate you for stooping to be with them.

[@Dani_33]

"I realized I can't be friends with someone who can't get along with women." EXACTLY. It's really important to have circles who don't hold any grudges against anyone in general cuz it's just not a good vibe to have especially when you want to live a good life.

[@mommabear887]

My courtship with my husband was short too. 5 or 6 months. I had an old bf that wanted 3 years. I tell my daughter don't bother dating someone not looking for marriage. It's a waste of time to be someone's place holder.

[@buttarain27]

I don't mind a casual coffee date for just getting to know a guy you don't really know, however, if he wants to continue doing those kinds of dates even after establishing a connection then we have a problem.

[@xletragedyx]

@buttarain27 yeah you don't need more than 1 coffee date, in my opinion. A coffee date is basically an interview lol

[@brownie2767]

@@xletragedyxthank you! I’m glad someone finally said it, and it that makes a lot of sense actually. Basically an interview lol.

[@kikijewell2967]

"A good man will make it easy for you to turn off the chaos in your head." Wow that hit hard. My ex refused to eat brown eggs over white eggs. That's all you need to know for the chaos in my head. I asked him once: "what are you thinking?" He said: "nothing. I'm not thinking of anything at all." I have no idea what that's like. Because I did all the thinking for him.

[@MarioCasino-yr1ee]

Did he have OCD?

[@ujika8164]

I ask my partner "What's wrong?" He would say "Nothing" when clearly something made him upset. Not being able to process their emotions, word them out and regulate the emotions is a big red flag.

[@Jennifer_Lewis_Beach_Living]

Excellent commentary! The times have changed, and a number of these XYs haven’t caught up with the times. They don’t understand that telling women to “buy a dog and die alone” is NOT an insult and actually sounds like a GREAT idea. Your view of a good man is my definition of a good man - he has to make my already easy life easier than what it is. It’s not just about finances. He makes me forget about my problems. He makes me feel safe because I completely trust him. I can easily fall into my feminine energy because I know that he “got this”.

[@maryss8767]

true, mostly are cats . " you will live alone with cats " . whats wrong living with cats . living with cats still better than living with piece of crap . 😂😂 . they think living with animal is an insult .

[@gateway2hell]

@@petervizzini4006 there is an overlap. the more traditional people tend to uphold outdated beliefs so they’re more likely to be misogynistic, racist, etc. that doesn’t mean all traditional values have to be that way. let’s say you believe in gender roles. gender roles can be sexist if you force them on people who don’t want to live by them, but that doesn’t mean that a couple who wants to live that way; husband (provider) wife (homemaker) are living by misogynistic standards. it’s really all about choice. it only becomes sexist when people say “all women should….” “all men should…”.

[@eraerrands]

can we, women, collectively decide that if we're going to have a son in the future, we're gonna raise them right and accordingly? cuz ive seen it in my family even the women in my family tolerate bad behavior from men as if they were entitled to everything. Pls I really think it has to start with us then everything else follows. Choose the right partner (good men) deserving of a child.

[@keymango]

True! If I ever adopt a child, let alone a son, I’m going to teach him how to not take up values based on societal norms. Not with harsh narratives of teaching, but instead informal and respectful with other people. And also teach my daughter that she’s beautiful and always valued, and that I will NEVER put her behind her brother or become one of the OBSESSED pick-meshia boy moms….ew

[@shaniceb7855]

Amen queen. 🎉🤷🏽‍♀️

[@keymango]

@@joelrcj.775 I have a question. Is it bad of me to deny a coffee date if I only drink coffee for breakfast or with friends? And is it bad to deny walking date if it’s someone I don’t like? I’m guessing you’re a dude too.

[@keymango]

@@joelrcj.775 Especially if some coffee costs around $4-$8 that I can pay? I’m not being satire I’m genuinely asking

[@keymango]

@@joelrcj.775 Oh okay! Personally I don’t mind coffee dates, hell I never even been on a date. But when the day comes, I want to know how to navigate it without conforming to hookup culture and stuff. I also want to know from a male’s perspective because all these “feminist” dating videos and all of the “red pill” dating videos have such extreme values in my opinion. Dating in the modern world seemed like SUCH a pain. Sorry for rambling but thanks for answering my question!

[@melissarose888]

I dismiss men on the first sign of disrespect. A coffee date/ walking date is a sign of disrespect. Also, anytime the guy gets defensive over a standard.

[@veronicasmith2612]

Why do you think coffee and walking dates are a sign of disrespect? What are some date ideas that you do not consider disrespectful?

[@cleanchannel3029]

​@@ThinkablenessLol that's not an entitlement. That self love. A man is supposed to IMPRESS a woman. It also is proof that he can provide. Secondly it shows how much she means to you. Coffee dates do neither. It is disrespectful. Don't get me wrong I LOVE coffee, but not that much.

[@natashadickson4819]

​@@TrentonF505 I used to think a coffee date was okay but after a while I realized that those were the guys most likely to want easy women.

[@D.T_]

@@ari-jvcoffee is for business meetings. He just wants to “hang out” he wants to put little to no effort possible, he dgaf about you at all.

[@D.T_]

@@ari-jv ma’am I’m not idolizing celebs relationships.

[@shadowhunterartemis]

I actually prefer coffee dates for situations where I'm being asked out by somebody I barely know at all. It's just a good way to feel out whether or not we're going to be compatible or interested in pursuing things. Who would want to sit through a whole dinner with somebody when you know there's no potential there after the first 5 minutes?

[@horncow4160]

Same, going to dinner isn't something I want to do with someone I don't know.

[@leoninenoble]

Suit yourself. She made her point in the video

[@kiterafrey]

Also, way too many men would think buying dinner would equal them getting sex, even when I'd insist on paying for myself, even if the dinner was only $14 for my plate. Whereas with a coffee date, I can mobile order my drink in advance. He couldn't have a single expectation from a woman who was also a total stranger.

[@nimeano1223]

I think it's also depends on what type of coffee shop you meeting up, like there are some fancy ones too, and like you said, it's easier to end a coffee date than a dinner if things go wrong.

[@rebeccajordan4491]

I met my husband on a coffee date that turned into a dinner date. We were introduced and it was a blind date; he knew I was nervous and wanted to put me at ease. But after the first hour, we were both eager to keep talking and 11 years later we haven’t stopped.

[@Sandra-ml1xn]

My ex did this to me. He literally tried all he can to push me away so that he can make me breakup with him and not feel guilty about it wen it was me who built him up and stayed with him wen he was nothing. Ladies don't date a man who is not made. They will scream abt this and tell women they are opportunists and selfish, but they don't stay with women like that. They will replace you with a newer model that doesnt know of thir past.

[@wateriswet02]

Ah, so you understand that the men you dated built you up from nothing to something and then when you obtain a new level of wealth or status you monkey branched to the next man. While also trying to now hide your past because you know the men will judge you on it. Well, I can see you also judge yourself on it. Is that why you tell yourself the lie that it was the men you've dated and not yourself?

[@tasmeenbaker9912]

I dated a guy who hated me, never again. Now looking back, he ALWAYS hated me but disguised it as love

[@Innernoor]

Girl I made a post about not going on coffee dates and they ate me up in the comments 😭

[@Jennifer_Lewis_Beach_Living]

I believe it. The sad part is I bet that not only did the BBMLE men went after you, but the pick-me chicks also went after you as well!

[@pilarensi]

@@Jennifer_Lewis_Beach_Livingand what’s sad is the Pickmeishas go soooo hard for them, but these men still don’t want them lol

[@catcat9582]

You look like you could be in bridgerton or some type of regal role they can kick rocks you are beyond beautiful

[@Jennifer_Lewis_Beach_Living]

@@gailainsley6939 BBMLE - below bare minimum low effort

[@emjitheg]

@@gailainsley6939below bare minimum low effort

[@83npat]

Please learn, ladies. He could not ask anyone in his family, so he asked me for a small amount of money. I knew in that INSTANT we would never marry. Please learn, ladies.

[@gem9535]

The fact that it's so normalized to dislike your partner is wild.

[@alyajewellery]

Looked at my Cat and understood. What he brings to the table is existing and it is my job to provide. I need to be more Cat!

[@TheFeyRa]

Actually, that's a good way to think about it. Thanks!!

[@smallypuppy22]

Perfect analogy

[@lilymulligan8180]

Flawless analogy 👏🏻

[@wateriswet02]

So you want to go back to being some man's property again under an oppressive patriarcial system. Where they control what you do, what you say, what you eat, like a pet.

[@Shadwclaw]

So... you just compared yourself to a pet?? That means you want to be treated as such then too, right?

[@sukiarts]

That is 100% true. I used to help my ex on EVERYTHING while he was depressed about his life. He didn't give a single piece of respect to me and was just making me work more, like a slave. And if I didn't help him, he would make a tantrum out of it. RIDICULOUS. Walk away if your boyfriend becomes lazy and doesn't work on his shit or even treats you poorly, he will not respect you if you keep helping him, he will only take you for granted.

[@Patricia-uz2xx]

So true! Men offer dates based on how they perceive you!! I once went on a date, coffee cake date, when he saw me he said wooow we are getting a dinner and what flowers do you like 😂 i also like to go on creative dates, like picknick provided by him with beutifuuuuul view, boat ride or wine tasting. Doesnt have to be fancy restaurant, but it has to show- he cares! Once i got surpsied by stand up comedy, i just mentioned i love stand up, and he got tickets🎉 dont agree on easy cheap dates. If you wanna date, you get ready, same goes for men ❤

[@redleeks6253]

It happened to me once. The coffee date is a test (dont take it).ive been upgraded to a dinner after. The bbq was more interesting than some take away so i accepted. This guy became extremely agressive within days because i said he couldn't spend the night with him. He said from the beginning he was only visiting town (his grandparents) for while and just wanted friends to hang out. No way.

[@Patricia-uz2xx]

@@redleeks6253 yes, I know!!! Or let's meet up and see. Yeah, 🚫, either you have plan, or I stay at home :D

[@smhan280]

I needed to hear this! Ugh

[@mettamorph4523]

I've been the bbq date. It's a show for the relatives. Either to prove he has a woman or to keep a streak of always bringing a different woman. It's all about his ego.​@@redleeks6253

[@PassionateFlower]

If a man tells you his ex girlfriend is crazy, do not sleep with him, do not date him, do not marry him. If a man tells you that his ex girlfriend suffers from debilitating mental health issues that she refuses to seek treatment for and it was deteriorating his mental and or physical health to stay involved with her and they parted bittersweet but amicably because he realized that no matter how much he cared for her, it was her responsibility for the sake of the health of the relationship for her to seek treatment for her condition and not let her boyfriend just be her boyfriend and tried to make him her 24/7 therapist THEN you may have some sympathy for him, see if you get the sense she's truly been out of the picture for quite some time, and that beyond having a severe mental health problem she refused to seek treatment for, he only had positive or neutral things to say about her. But as soon as a guy refers to his exes merely as "crazy" or "toxic" girl you better RUN! He is the toxic crazy one who leaves women who are probably normal people with reasonable needs and boundaries and maybe he pushed them to react so he could use it against them later and gain sympathy from new women.

[@gooberdoober8416]

What about if he says his ex girlfriend was abusive?

[@gond6099]

​@@gooberdoober8416'then he's lying" ☝️ 🤓

[@letym2271]

This is what happened to me. I was labeled the bad guy. 🤪 When I was the one who got emotionally abused and cheated on. The replacement didn't even bother getting the facts straight, she even called me manipulative for asking a simple question: "are you dating my boyfriend?" lmao. I guess that's what they call a "pickmeish" in this channel 😅

[@zaddysm]

I started to make use of discernment to analyse wether i should accept Impromptu or last minute dates (because honestly I have high standards but i never sticked to them before, and when it comes to dates I used to accept whatever invitation no matter what) and this guy who's after me inveted me for like tacos across the street and i was like, no thank you, he kept trying until he finally invited me to a museum and dinner after, we even had coffe later, and i was shocked because right there you can see how, when you don't settle with the minimum they realize you deserve far more than that, and they start to try harder, dont ever settle, thats sign you're not abundant, and you're settling with whatever they do, so they won't do anything more than that. Also i think it says a lot about him, like he's really trying hard and taking into note my tastes for dates.

[@rene3759]

still becareful of that why didnt he offer that date from the get go? Alot of men figure the girl out to get the girl but once he has you or feels you wont leave him or can't escape him for whatever reasons he will go back to his initial ways. the first offer he gave you is HIS true self and opinion dont ever forget that. Don't make the man you want, meet the man you want. If you understand what I mean. Women have burned themselves out on "fixing" men to their standards and in some cases once you and the guy or tired of the performance things will fall apart or he will upgrade from you. Do not be bob the builder. Only date men who already fit your standard dont make them your standard. I dont know your situation a 100% percent only you know it. But since you said you tend to lower your high standards sometimes, im reminding you to not forget them just because you think it;s cute he is trying. I promise you the trying wont be cute anymore after a couple of years. YOu have your standards for a reason do not waste your time or even his time as well (sometimes there isnt a bad guy just some people are not compatible). It feels good and makes you feel special when people try for you but it is not always a good sign if they constantly have to work so hard to fit your standard. I personally have high standards and for me trying is not an option either you fit the bill from the get go or you don't. Dont ever try to change people it's not fair on both sides. they need to fit from the get go and you need to accept them NOT tolerat accept them for who they are.

[@eidothea]

How’s it going with him?

[@mercywanjiru3011]

I watched a video on yt and the guy was saying that you don't have to compromise for a relationship and also you don't want someone else to compromise for you, trust me you will find whatever you are looking for out there. You just have to be patient and observant.

[@zaddysm]

@@rene3759 great analysis I'll definitely take that into consideration

[@zaddysm]

@@eidothea We are doing great but honestly I can't see him as more than a friend, I can't sense any chemistry between us in a romantic way

[@HumansAreTheScariestMonsters]

7:21 Omg I’ve experienced this firsthand and it’s crazy. I was at a casual event that was mixed with guys and girls and I was talking to a newer guy friend who was more of an acquaintance at that point. He was convinced 90% of the girls he interacts with day to day liked him. He would tell me these somewhat ambiguous stories that could go either way, in terms of if the girl really liked him, but then I was there to see it actually happen. A girl I knew came up, smiled at him and said hi, we chatted with her for 2 minutes and then she left. Then my guy friend was like, “See what I mean?!” I was like, “You think she liked you?” He was like, “Yes, didn’t you see how she smiled at me and was being so friendly??” I was like, “That was her just being a normal human, she wasn’t flirting or giving hints.” He was like, “Are you sure?” And I was like, “Yeah…was that similar how it goes with these other girls?” Of course he said, yes. So this girl was just being friendly, not being flirty at all, but bc she was nice and smiled, he was convinced she was coming onto him

[@blueblueee566]

And the way they try to make women believe we're at fault for whatever madness they chose daily is insane honestly

[@CineEquality]

I saw that Twitter thread and was so sickened by it 🤢 - these dudes will tell on themselves, just listen!!!

[@independentthinker2285]

you are right..I spent 10years financially supporting a liar and a thief. He used my money to pay for his hidden relationships, he never bought me flowers or a birthday present and I used to make excuses for him.

[@Soulou316]

The whole coffee date thing really illustrates the hook up culture perfectly. Dating is supposed to be to find your mate, so women select their mate based on their standards. Men who want to marry a woman will to anything to impress her

[@demodiums7216]

not to women they just met lol

[@irinaivanovic9792]

If they are dating "intentionally", YES THEY DO. @@demodiums7216

[@Elisabetta.Scalisi]

​@@demodiums7216 Not true. A man attracted to you and wanting to getting to know you will put EFFORT. A coffe date is just a cheap way to date multiple women.

[@demodiums7216]

@@Elisabetta.Scalisi So its only possible to get to know you if I pay 100 dollars? You could literally be a serial killer for all I know. I'll spend money AFTER we know each other better

[@Soulou316]

@@demodiums7216 Coffee dates are cheap date cosplays to try to not hurt the woman's feeling by making her believe the guy wants something else than her body. It's giving tinder, friends with benefits, and situationship vibes. But women can get pregnant, it's easier for men to play that game, that has been sold disguised as "feminism" and "freedom".

[@ksniderdesign]

“You do not need to be useful to be loved” brb crying at work

[@lapetulante201]

Stop infantilise a men!!! This says a lot, I always give them so much grace and nothing for me. From now on I will be market driven ❤

[@Han-yb7qo]

Stop! Infantilizing! Men! 👏🏽👏🏽 it hurts everyone!!

[@adrianmclean2236]

I know you say your content isn’t for men but As a gay man I love your content lol. It’s reflective and eye opening.

[@vanessarichardson110]

I'm gay too and I still apply it

[@TttOnion]

Me too, its so educational

[@rejectionisprotection4448]

Of course you do. You're dealing with men as well.......

[@Pink_pr1ncess]

You’re dating men tho, so you can sort of relate

[@flutenanyidk1806]

Welcome bestie!! I feel like it’s an unspoken rule that whatever’s for the girls is also for the gays, so you’re good. We’re all dating men here, so we can all benefit from it.

[@evaphillips2102]

Stop being girlfriends in 2023. Period.

[@dianakanlee]

Omggg literally this. Even if they truly have wounds or don’t know better, it is their responsibility to heal themselves as full grown human beings. We just have to voice our boundaries and demonstrate self respect by walking away. That’s just how it is 🤷🏻‍♀️ When you said, “where is the grace for you?” 💯💯💯

[@entityoferrors]

Yes & that's true but some of us men are tired of being dimissed & degraded by women who want to make comments like this yet do not make any effort. Yall are egoistic & entitled & therefore do not care to help the same men yall think you can tell what to do. You will later on play victim & take no accountability when single.

[@xoala6344]

I used to be okay with coffee dates because yes, you can see if you “click” with someone without potentially having to sit through a long dinner. But I’ve realized coffee dates are so…awkward and don’t provide the right environment/setting to actually be attracted to the guy. If a guy asks you out on a date, he should do it the proper way and pick a place with a good ambiance, conducive to creating the “spark”. Coffee dates are for friends and co-workers, and maybe way later in the dating stages when you’re trying to be more casual with the guy. If you want to gauge chemistry before a full-on date, do a FaceTime call instead.

[@rejectionisprotection4448]

Preach. 💯💯💯💯💯💯💯💯. I'm used to meeting friends in coffee shops and so that's my association with that kind of place. Any man who wanted a coffee shop date already put himself in the friendzone.

[@rejectionisprotection4448]

@@joelrcj.775 She's already said why coffee dates aren't the right environment for her, so I don't know why you're trying to persuade her otherwise........or maybe I do. Maybe you want to encourage her to accept low effort dates because you'll have greater access to her or someone like her. You go from one extreme to the other. From low effort coffee dates to "unfulfilling" one night stands. Talk about a binary mindset. There are plenty of options between those two extremes, but it's not in your interests to talk about them I guess. There are plenty of other women who are happy with low effort dates. Maybe you should find them instead. As for the "being realistic". I'm always suspicious of those who advocate for being "realistic". It sounds like a ticket on the train to a joyless life.

[@xoala6344]

@@joelrcj.775 that’s not what I said at all? I said the opposite actually. You can get to know someone in a setting that feels natural & conducive to good conversation. For example, a restaurant with a good ambiance is way better than a neighborhood coffee shop. It doesn’t need to be a super luxurious high end place. And how is that “romance”? No one is expecting to fall in love on date 1. Like I mentioned, if you want to get to know someone to see if you’re interested in going on a date in the first place, then just do a phone call. Everyone has their preferences, so if you’ve been having success with coffee dates, then by all means, continue.

[@keymango]

@@joelrcj.775Coffee dates are pretty cheap and affordable. And dates are usually how men reflect on their dates: cheap and affordable. I have seen men’s comments on how coffee dates are “easy to have” and “she’ll have to pay” and stuff.

[@JUNJYR]

​@@tinycatfromhell Until you start paying the bills for dates with men you barely know, calling them low-effort is veeery hypocritical. Ironically, it's going out with women who expect the world just for "deigning to bless them" with their presence and time that would make them bums.

[@rukiv3701]

I was dating this guy for a couple of months that wanted relationship to progress fast. I didn't want that and then his narcissistic traits started to show up. But I later realized that this guy never liked me. I am convinced he hated me. I was much more leveled up and educated than him and we were about the same age.

[@flowerpower7065]

Men causing their own downfall.

[@user-od5fh3gn4d]

They’d rather have obedient robots - most of them only “love” the women behind their screens. They don’t want human partners

[@nyanani5572]

I remember the "hating your gf" posts were also a thing a few years ago (2-3yrs). I was dating my ex at the time and he started getting really, REALLY into misogyny posts after meeting some really weird really old dude on Facebook that fed him all this bullshit and he just took it and ran with it, which was fully my last straw in the stack and i really jus exited the situation asap after that without saying a word (bc of other things as well but thats a long story n it doesn't matter). It was in a bit of a different form but id have this mans telling me, to my face, that women are trash and the male species don't need them for anything but sex and they're worthless and stuff like that and he'd go on for weeks before i left and i havent seen him since because he was projecting so hard and i couldnt stand it or him at the end because he kinda became Andrew Tate before Andrew Tate was a thing..

[@kittypau]

This is 100% true. My ex (he's 24 years old) he doesnt know how to cook, do laundry, dishes, etc, he preferred to get a cleaning service, he was unemployed and could easily have done all of those, but he really didn't want to go through all of that. He didn't have any goals, he said that the future gave him ''anxiety'' obviously he wasn't a good partner. I learnt that when you really love yourself you take care of yourself and the people in your life.

[@KB-si5fx]

If anyone is over 20 and they don't know how to cook and take care of their living space by cleaning it, then they're not worth having around. They're also lying, imo. I once knew a guy who lived off of ramen and eggs. I suggested he get a rice cooker. He insisted that he wouldn't know how to use it. A friend of mine told him, "You put rice and water in it and push a button..." His response? "Ya I wouldn't even be able to do that." 💀

[@LLOriginal]

Where was this content for me when I was younger 😭 it took me 3 wretched relationships to figure all this out and I didn't have the clear words to put to it! So glad there's ladies out here posting this content! ❤

[@biancasinclair.]

"Male loneliness" makes me roll my eyes. Can you imagine someone from our grandparents generation saying something so weak? Men have stopped being men and they want someone to blame other than themselves.

[@SuperVegeto00]

I wonder why men stopped being masculine It couldn't be because nowadays masculinity is seen as toxic, it couldn't be that numerous aspects of society are geared against men, or that alot (not all) of women aren't traditional themselves so why do they deserve a traditional masculine man

[@SuperVegeto00]

Male loneliness is weak A social animal being hindered and driven to suicide because it's deprived of something it fundamentally needs is weak By that logic fire is weak because water can put it out

[@biancasinclair.]

@@SuperVegeto00 Go outside. Problem solved.

[@jasonhaven7170]

Be a man. Go build or go to war. @@SuperVegeto00

[@damien678]

The idea of men needing to be strong and stoic is one deeply rooted in the patriarchy. This rhetoric helps nobody, including women. Despite how cathartic I know it feels to make such a jab as a woman. Men are human beings first and foremost. Women are human beings first and foremost. All human beings need emotional support at some point. It's okay for any human being to cry and seek out help.

[@xolisilesithole8768]

I needed to hear this. I just blocked a guy I liked so much because he told me that he liked me but wasn't ready to have a relationship with me because he has a lot going on, however, he kept on showering me with attention and dates but he didn't want a relationship.... waste of time

[@toscadonna]

Whenever a guy says, “I don’t want a relationship” (with you, is silent), you should just respond, “Me, too! I’m so glad to finally meet a man who only wants to be friends and to not have xes! I only have xes in serious relationships, and I SO happy to have found a man who thinks like I do.”😂

[@tajakjejtam]

Yes, it's a waste of time, you would be waiting for him to commit, and he would not, the cycle would repeat, while your feelings would grow. Dead end.

[@mettamorph4523]

He wants the xes. And will say " I told you I wasn't ready for anything serious " when he ghosts you after doing the nasty.

[@onlyfoes]

My ex said that most men and women wouldn't even like each other if it wasn't for biology and he might have been right.

[@night2102]

@7:38 Treating all men with kindness. That is so true. It happened to me at work. I smiled at this guy twice, as I do with most people. He hasn't talked to me and avoided me ever since. I'm like, I didn't even speak to you (guy), and he avoided me like I stalked and proposed marriage to him. It's crazy out here. Men will avoid women they find unattractive like the plague, especially these younger new-age guys.

[@Melcatsite]

Tis is too real rn, because I saw that thread and it lowkey made me think of how my ex would purposely sabotage the relationship we were in and I knew he was doing that because he would always randomly ask me: "why are you even with me?" It's like even he knew he wasn't good guy, but that was his way of trying to blame me for how much of a shitty bf he was.

[@user-uw3jn1bp3q]

I had the experience to be in a relationship where I was literally raising a man who is in his feminine energy and how ironic it is that he also has the audacity to say he hates women because he wanted to be a woman himself. He just wanna sit and play games. hhahahha

[@Nina_banana]

Wanting to sit and play games isn’t what I would consider feminine energy.

[@Peekaboooooooooo4]

Loser energy*

[@summero-my5in]

Kind of insulting to call that feminine energy

[@gateway2hell]

femininity is when sit down and play games 🤓

[@damien678]

That sounds like a trans woman that's got a loooong road ahead of her towards self-acceptance, ngl.

[@jodiburnett6211]

Men are never happy when the woman provides for him. That’s it.

[@skyandthemoon]

They feel emasculated

[@paccawacca4069]

That's because you start feeling like she's being paternalistic towards you and she srsly does not respect you. The feelings are accurate too.

[@mochapupcake]

I’m so glad I found ur channel girl. I used to be a people pleaser and I had no standards when dating men. I wasn’t attracted to them, I just wanted them to like me. In the end i got played by genuine losers… I’ve seen the light now. Thank you.❤️

[@smhan280]

Girl SAME!!! Big hugs and all the best to you on your spoiled girlie journey. I have a lot to learn still but I want to get there!

[@LisaCarter-hm3kj]

I knew a guy long ago who tried putting rules on me like because I’m a women I have to clean the house and take care of the kids and do laundry etc etc. yet all he said his job was to go to work and cut the grass. Then proceed to say he was the prize and an alpha. Lol Whatever. Every time I ask him for something he would literally throw a tantrum like a little kid. I Never married that guy. Found out later he had issues with himself.

[@AwoogaWolf]

the lyrics from the song In The Summertime: "If her daddy's rich, take her out for a meal, If her daddy's poor, just do what you feel" that really clearly proves that men know the expectations set up by the father will determine access to a woman

[@micsamillion8727]

Just saying, male loniless doesn't just involve women, men also have less and less friends in general

[@joujou7063]

Thank you very much for this, all the women in my life have TERRIBLE self esteem and barely give themselves love. Growing up I was always around toxic men and thats what I attracted.

[@hellothere8347]

I realized when you are too nice to a guy they will take advantage of you. I’m completely different now I’m self aware now & ik me. I was way too nice to my ex. That’s why I barely like him now & never going back anymore. Idc how many times he come back he always show me he is the same. I’M GOOD ON THE LITTLE BOYS! I’m 23 and don’t got time for games rn.

[@alyssamarie54]

"Where is the grace for you?" 1000%.

[@SandraGarcia-ez4nc]

That is so true look what happened to Shakira. She had more money than her man and he changed her for a woman that he could be the provider, and he could feel more like a man.

[@cookiesnbubbles]

They also do the "hating GF phase" because they don't have another women on deck waiting for them yet

[@lelainerduh]

I dated someone that hated me so much. He was my first and I was obsessive with his touch I would allow him to use me for sex if it meant that I finally got attention from him. I’m sure he probably says the opposite about me to make his self feel better about how shiitty of a guy he is. But anyways I’ll take accountability and say this all comes from childhood trauma Im convinced the way I allowed this guy to treat me. I’m so embarrassed I was that girl. if only I knew these things before I dated him… he left me so traumatized that I didn’t even give other men a chance for years. To this day I’m very cautious of my body, feelings, and how people treat people even if they treat me well I’m super cautious and a overthinker. Please ladies don’t be like that, get financial gain from them after all they’re using you for sex, a second mom/maid, attractive girl to make theirselves look good, etc. even if they deny it please put yourself first. Don’t be a pickme or you’ll be left as that dumb girl that is nothing but a toy that they used and left in the dust

[@marissabohk7929]

First date with my current truly masculine, providing bf: dinner at a bar. Second date: shopping at therealreal, dinner, spa. Third date: film and afterparty where i met some of his friends, we became official after that date (same night)

[@user-kr4yu6kx1l]

I'm happy for you~!

[@MARISKI-MUSIC]

Yep. I had to loan my boyfriend $1,000. Turns out he had been texting sex workers behind my back.. (apparently it’s kinda my own fault for “snooping” lmfao)

[@katgreer6113]

Sorry, but I hope it's over between you too. Sounds like a nightmare.

[@kitkat261]

Some men don't even bother asking me out for a date. They just ask me over -_- The bar has sunk under the ground lol.

[@susannehuber3996]

Even if he hates you, like my ex hated me and you dump that hater, he will go badshit crazy 😜. It’s true. So with men you can’t win. Well, now I’m winning 24/7 by staying single.

[@kitkatbar3871]

Had a one convo with a guy who was so into the manosphere and the hate he had towards women was wild. Next thing i know he debating me what hormones men and women have

[@Nyuffykah]

If he knows about hormones he should understand why he has to provide too :D

[@ptlovelight2971]

So I have an interesting problem: I don't mind coffee or ice cream or walking dates. And regardless, the man always pays lol. The men that date me, do end up spending a lot of money on me for multiple dates. Treating me like a passenger princess, taking me to expensive restaurants, covering my parking, movie tickets and food. But I can't seem to get them to maintain interest in me. Some ghost me, others are still hung up on an ex....what do I do in this situation? Especially the men that drop over $300 on food and fun for me then ghost?? What does it mean?

[@ComfortASMRalice]

I’d say it could be bad luck, that was literally me and then BOOM I met my husband and I didn’t do anything differently just be me

[@keymango]

Honestly (and realistically), he was trying to win you over with money. Yes, it’s nice that the man provides you with expensive dates and such. Even beyond coffee dates. But he showed no interest. If he ghosted you, he clearly wanted sexual favors instead of relationship futures. He never asked your interests, hobbies, or anything about yourself? He barely gave you compliments? Always acting awkward or shy around you after many dates? This was a “casual” dude. And casuals aren’t what you want. That’s not to say you aren’t valuable or beautiful! But from experience, you dodged a bullet. I would say to block him, don’t text him back (seriously dude…i don’t care how much social media normalizes it, block them and be done with it), and take your time with dating.

[@SummerOf1987]

@@keymangoRight. Corrrect. Yes! And they do it for themselves, not for us. Been there, too. No, thanks.

[@redleeks6253]

Some men are generous with their courtship and are willing to spend money on a woman even if just to get her in bed. For us that are used to men spending 0 on us might see this as true interest but it's not. They like take you on expensive dates and fun because they want you to admire them and be mesmerized, it works as an ego boost. Still, they have a threshold on how much they are willing to spend regarding money and time if after that period you dont give in (open legs) they will ghost. That's why should never sleep with a man. They often stick to the 3 dates rule some might drag it if you show signs of interest.

[@user-yq7ud5vt2j]

They are men who are either married/with long term gfs, or a former vet/dealer with a gambling addiction.

[@Liza-qz4fr]

As of late, it seems to me no matter what you do, you’ll never win when it comes to dating men. Because of the ones we tell to “provide or else no woman for you” some actually make the effort and get to the point in their lives where they can provide but they resent women for having not given them the time of day when they couldn’t provide. So, they date you, but they loathe you at the same time. They’ll be sure to remind you every day that you are nothing without him and they eventually destroy your self confidence. Dating men, of any kind, is a waste of time in my opinion. Finessing one or two of them occasionally, then going ghost on them, is the only thing women should do when it comes to interacting with males. If they don’t wanna pay just for you giving him some of your time, they can go kick rocks.

[@natashadickson4819]

If you level up your beauty and feminine energy, there are some guys who will give you whatever you want. Don't sleep with them though. It's over if you do.

[@wideawakewolf]

So basically use men. You're apart of the problem.

[@eddyalonsomoramorales6069]

​@@taemmatesame shit🤣🤣🤣🤣

[@soundspeachy5140]

Just stay single and don't even bother trying to finesse them. That's still giving them energy, time, and attention, even if it's negative. Just look at the angry males responding to your comment. They love the attention and the game of back and forth. Life becomes so much better when you stop caring about getting back at men and start prioritizing your peace. Instead of spending time trying to finesse men, go on a trip with your girlies, start a hobby, ect. Don't waste your time on men, rest in your femminity ❤

[@TaurusGoddess.7]

​@@wideawakewolf what are you here for then? A males value in society is what he can provide. Why are yall all of a sudden upset over a fact? Males don't seem to have an issue telling women what society values from us. Deal with it.

[@HaleyMary]

On the socially aware point, that is so true. I find that a lot of men, especially in my millennial generation, lack emotional intelligence and social awareness. I was bullied a few years ago at an open mic night and this guy who had asked me to a movie and we were just starting to see one another, his friend was the one doing the bullying. Well, the guy who asked me to a movie didn't even stand up for me and seemed to expect me to stand up for myself. I expect men to be the protectors in a relationship. I can't be with a man who isn't protective.

[@megamoneyk]

I dating a CPO of a biotechnology company. He complained our dates were too expensive. I said ok some net flicks and chill sometimes. It has gotten out of hand lately. We had an agreement that he would help pay a property tax now he wants to stop. I told him I was clear I need a provider then he claims he will but still has not. I want to take a break from him. He claims he has to pay for his sister who was getting evicted and then his mother. He needs to date them. I'm tired. I deleted his number out my phone. He texted this morning. I almost did not answer. I try to ignore his texts and he takes a tantrum. I'm going try to open my options.

[@MarioCasino-yr1ee]

"Dear diary..."

[@hotangelfromhell]

Girl!!!!! is amazing how u can make all these videos. Im proud of u queen

[@therealmanifestelle]

thank you🤎🤎🤎

[@artbygilik]

I spent my best years trying to help broken men and leaving my own needs unmet. Don’t be me. I’m now single and celibate for 7 years and lost interest in giving relationships a chance because of how stressful and traumatizing they have been for me

[@annmarieknapp]

I've had many men take financial advantage of me because I was dumb enough to do it. And then they have the nerve to hold it against you. I hate sexism and misogyny, and sadly I've learned that many men really just don't like women. I feel liberated letting go of illusion that being alone is gasp..."the worst outcome alive for middle-aged women...to end up alone with a cat or cats.". I am alone with a cat, by choice. And while I have times when I'm lonely, I am content to be alone. Maybe I channel my inner Greta Garbo, IDK. But, I'm not settling for a guy just because I fear being alone, when I'm actually happier being on my own. I don't have to worry about taking care of another person or putting their needs above my own. I can't recall a time when I had a relationship where men didn't come first above me and with my son, I came in third. As a mother, I was okay with my son coming first in life because I'm his parent and I signed up for that when I wanted to become a mother. But, my husband being above me too?? Ah that didn't work so well. Not when he was abusive, an alcoholic, and a cheater. At this point in my life I am finally putting myself first because no one else ever will. Done with that.

[@Prismalpink]

Coffee dates are a good way to gauge conversations. Never go to his house or anywhere big before you get to know him.

[@itshazzybee]

I always knew when i was being disrespected as a kid but i was told to shut up cuz my parents believed we should forgive everyone and maintain relationships letting bygones be bygones butttt that really fucked up my relationship with myself. Im reparenting myself and learning to stick up to myself. Yes, i often gaslight myself saying oh maybe i overreacted, maybe it wasn't really that bad and im being dramatic etc. But ive just started affirming to myself that NO. i was right. I am right. Im not being dramatic. Etc. Really changed my life and people i let into my life. Discovering free will and freedom of speech and opinion really changes you.

[@Metzcalli]

I completely understand and share a similar experience. I’m proud that you are strengthening yourself this way!

[@rue6914]

This!