How To Build Better Communication With Your Spouse

[@pberggre]

The phone is just another version of what you’re defending in relationship, it’s sharing knowledge, attention, anticipation and fake intimacy. It mimics all the things about intimacy you’re talking about

[@martycech5844]

My, Ex Wife, was / is Leap years ahead of me in ‘conversation’. She remembers everything and is capable of having several directions, for the conversation, to go at a moments notice. I just couldn’t begin to keep up. I easily got ‘lost’ and forgetful. Not on purpose. Looking back, I can see and feel how I was slow. Out Classed!

[@sonnyh9774]

You can learn how to be a great conversationalist... ask questions that gets them to talk about themselves and they will think you are the best conversationalist... even if you don't say more than 30 words.

[@JordanNHoule]

While separated and at different paces in our personal healing when I’ve asked open ended questions I’ve been called out for snooping or interrogating if I’m too curious. I usually get away with “how are you?” And a single follow up. I understand why she pulls back at the moment. She desires freedom more than anything. I’ve had to learn not to take it to personal and cherish the details about life she does decide to share when she is comfortable. It does hurt to want to know how she is and be treated like I shouldn’t care because of what we’ve been through. I’m relearning how she communicate and makes decisions and I’m sure that will continue to change as she does.

[@MarriageHelper]

Hey Jordan! Great to see you in the comments again! We love hearing all that you're learning and working through. It sounds like you are very introspective and we absolutely love that! Please let us know if there's anything else we can do to help you. We hope this video was helpful for your situation regardless! Blessings my friend,

[@CJB-505]

Boom !!! Thanks for this topic, PIES, have been definitely helping me progress as a better man and husband 🙏🏻

[@MarriageHelper]

That's amazing friend! Keep up the good work and don't forget to work on SMART Contact too! Don't forget to subscribe if you haven't already! We'd love to continue helping you during this time!

[@misskaykayRSA]

PIES is such a brilliant concept 🎉

[@andycruz6540]

I’m so glad I’ve found your channel , love the vids , please keep them coming 😊

[@MarriageHelper]

Thank you so much @andycruz6540. We truly appreciate your comment and are grateful to have you as part of our community here on KZbin. PLEASE Subscribe if you haven't already! We post new content regularly!

[@ToFishTeacher]

Kimberly bless you for saying how spouse2 may be constantly coming into the conversation carefully considering what spouse1 is interested in and stimulated by, but eventually does deserve/need spouse1 to care about spouse2's needs and interests. Some spouse1's can be so needy from some childhood brokenness that they need the world to revolve around them all the time, and that is something they need to work through if they want to have a healthy relationship with spouse2 or anyone for that matter.

[@MarriageHelper]

Absolutely! We typically advise that you be the first person to show these interests though. When you show interest in your spouse and what they are passionate about, then it causes you to be more attractive intellectually because you truly care. Eventually, when a person feels attractive, then they will begin to reciprocate the same feelings! All this meaning, don't try to control your spouse or get them to show interest. You can only control your spouse! Eventually, conversations like this can be had but you might want to consider getting a MH certified coach to help you do that! Was that helpful? Thanks again for commenting we and are so glad you're a part of our community!

[@ToFishTeacher]

@@MarriageHelper I truly do care.

[@sf2398]

@Marriage Helper I think you mean 'you can only control you' in the middle of that comment. 😉 Controlling your spouse being the opposite of what we are aiming for!

[@ToFishTeacher]

@@sf2398 I dont see where I or marriage helper talked about controlling the other spouse. Was the comment you were concerned about edited? Is there something you think needs correcting in my thinking or approach? because let me tell you I'm a dry sponge ready to soak up whatever lessons I need to learn.

[@sf2398]

@Maggie Etheridge-Ureno Halfway down their comment to you, it says 'You can only control your spouse '. It is clearly a typo. You cannot, nor should you try, to control your spouse.

[@thinkforyourself9453]

I had always interpreted the I in Intellectual of the PIES as my learning more so I would be more interesting. I never interpreted it as being interested in what my spouse learned. Thank you for giving me this new perspective.

[@MarriageHelper]

Thanks for sharing! It's always great to try to see things from a different perspective. Thanks for commenting friend! Don't forget to subscribe if you haven't already!

[@insleyjosewickhamnunez5632]

My wife is having an affair with someone now she just recently admitted it, she says that it start by just talking because she say we never talked, I love my wife and I think base on what she says that she loves me too but now she is in love with him too. I have started talking more with her and at times she talks, then there is time where she doesn't want to talk to me. She wanted to be in a relationship with him still but can let me go. Right now I feel so ripped inside.

[@kaylastaff932]

I am in the same situation. My husband is having an affair, started by talking to his co-worker. I am so sorry you are in these same shoes. He seems to love me but he won’t commit to being with me. He won’t commit to being with her either. This is difficult, but we will come out stronger for it! I will you in my thoughts and prayers.

[@Abovethepeakdave]

Sorry yall got these issues. I pray for you two.

[@uraeldvinciboy2789]

Limerence

[@biersmorgen6609]

Dang bro that's rough , that's my biggest fear , I'm trying to go through this whole wife wanting to be done with all input her through b4 and after we've been married

[@Siah69251]

Same situation. The worst thing is she met this guy on instagram started with a simple chat and now more deep conversation.

[@phillipjones626]

I agree it's more likely but not completely, it's the opposite for us, it's me as the husband that feels lonely.

[@phillipjones626]

Is affection without touch a thing?

[@MarriageHelper]

Hey friend! One thing we talk about on this channel is working on your PIES. This means working on becoming the best you can be physically, intellectually, emotionally and spiritually. So when you think of affection, consider the idea of how showing affection for your wife can be categorized into those 4 areas of attraction! We talk a lot more about it on this channel so I hope you subscribe!

[@phillipjones626]

@@MarriageHelper Have been subscribed for ages but thanks.

[@garyzornow9084]

As a husband, I am the one who avoids talking. Has come to the point she just quit asking, just gave up, her words. I am afraid to talk, reach out, hug or touch for fear of what will transpire. I feel if it’s not her idea it’s not a good idea, So I wait to be asked or told. The answers I give are yes, no or I don’t know, while after thinking please don’t ask because I mostly don’t care. I don’t want to share what I am feeling because I will have to live with the answer and it’s affects. So I am afraid. I dislike open-ended questions because that often leads to discussing feelings and interacting. I also don’t like phone calls because of early history of bad relationships on the phone. Cuddling is a no because of fear. I am afraid to get involved with talking about and learning about them. The reason as it may involve that why don’t I already know that, so I feel like I am being attacked for not knowing.

[@martycech5844]

I believe Most men are like this. More than will admit!

[@yennien88]

I understand how hard that most be, but if you dont dare to talk about your feelings you are not allowing yourself the best relationship you can have. It is just a first step, and yes it will be hard at first like school and talk in front if everyone. When you do it more often it will be esier. She cant do anything to be better if you dont give the tools 🥺💔

[@MSEAD123]

That’s tough Gary. Maybe just try telling her hey, I’m going to tell you what I think, but if you judge it or put it down and not respect my feeling, thoughts or desire then I will shut down because that is human nature. I need to trust my opinions are also valid even if they are different than your own. If she gets rude about your thoughts then you have the right to shut down to protect yourself.

[@laurenbeals705]

In my experience, it’s better to overcome fear and comfort zone than to live with regret that you didn’t……try not to over analyzing communication and say something in your heart thst you would want your wife to hear more than anything if it was the last thing you’d ever be able to say to her.

[@garyzornow9084]

@@laurenbeals705 what if what I feel is hurtful or out of anger? None feeling, negative all the time.

[@Wrensspeedshop]

I as the husband said everything you started the show off saying. After 12.5yrs I had a roommate and eventually filed for divorce. I don’t want to be apart, don’t want to say goodbye to her, don’t want her not to be in my life and as my wife. I got no help in return and couldn’t take it. What do you do??

[@anamac820]

If you can figure it out, I would like to know what to do also - same boat

[@pharmclare]

I am enlightened. Thank you for sharing

[@riosmariel]

This episode is saying my story. My husband complaints constantly that I don't speak, that I don't have conversations with him, but at this point in my life (after finding he was unfaithful) is hard for me to establish conversations. I was always quiet, but this other person in his life provided undivided attention and mindless conversations and he wants that from me. I feel stuck.

[@MK-uz9tz]

I think you just found your key to get out of being stuck. "Undivided attention " as you said. When we get Undivided attention from someone, no matter what the conversation is about, mindless or not, we feel important to this person, we feel respected by this person. Being important and being respected is what he is looking for. If you can do that for him, I think things will change a lot for you.

[@minahhassell2975]

This is exactly I’m dealing with now….

[@randallweber6982]

Thank you!!

[@CollinsCorp]

Regarding the open ended question question when your wife asks you about Christmas dinner while you’re scrolling the news, perhaps you could’ve scrolled traditional Christmas dinners, or themes of how other countries or cultures prepare their Christmas dinners ?? Could that have been another way to address your desire for knowledge (in the phone) AND connect with your wife?

[@mauricejean-gilles3285]

Hey how are you doing, im new to this channel snd learning alot from your videos...im definitely in neeed of help and healing to lead my family and myself as i shouldve

[@elsabailey7764]

Good tips on communicating.

[@MarriageHelper]

Glad you think so!

[@davidpolk421]

Thanks for all you do !!!!

[@BloomingRose862]

I don't need to have the same interests as my husband. I've been married for 49 years. When my husband of me came home from work, the first thing my children saw was us connecting together. Hugging and kissing. Then... their time with us came 2nd.

[@ramadevilingaraju5375]

Insightful and helpful

[@rusty-hennesy8107]

hi do you have spotify podcast so that i can listen to your advices while driving thanks

[@AgentQQ8]

“I am a safe space to listen.” LOL. Nice cop out.

[@erikaahello0880]

Im currently listening to this vid and I wish my hubby was here so that I could apply these😢 im sure he stopped for drinks after work before coming home 😥

[@rozannmoake8146]

Absolutely love you both so much!!!

[@MarriageHelper]

Thank you so much @rozannmoake8146. We truly appreciate your comment and are grateful to have you as part of our community here on KZbin. PLEASE Subscribe if you haven't already! We post new content regularly! And also, don't hesitate to reach out to us if there's anything else we can do for you. Our phone number is 1 866 903 0990! We'd love to be your support system! Blessings,

[@moy3436]

It make me sad 😢that my wife is always on her phone 🥺

[@biersmorgen6609]

Is it too late if she's seekng attention from someone else we are still married but I'm smothering her with me trying to make up for all the things I didnt do well, over the last 15 years . She says she's done working on us , we were both codependent, now she's working on herself which I'm trying to honor.....she's always on her phone now to unwind I would always be in video games and drugs , I quit all that to only have a deep anxiety and regret for ruining this awesome connection and love I could've built..

[@bm-b1944]

My wife wants to leave me but said she won't for our kids and wants to pretend everything is OK for them all while she let's me try to give her what she needs. She doesn't feel like I give her enough communication, empathy or ask her what she wants

[@bm-b1944]

We have been together 10 years but she has wanted to leave me for a few years now because I start off giving her what she needs but I slowly "go back to my ways".

[@yennien88]

Me and my husband are separeted. I work on myself to be better in my relationship. Anyway my husband dont take calls or very less write answer to text. I want it to change so I send a text sometimes like a buddy, how are you today, you are a good person but he dont write back. Is it wrong of me?

[@Tstorm40]

These are really great ideas. I am trying to figure out how to implement them . My WS, will the biggest thing of interest for him right now is the l o. From the moment he gets home from work until dinner time he is sitting at his desk at a computer or with his phone waiting to hear from the lo. After dinner he immediately goes to his desk and waits to hear from the lo and stays there until it's bedtime. He used to go on walks and Hiking he used to ride bikes and work out at the gym he used to initiate outings with our adult children and grandchildren. It is almost impossible to get him away from his desk or that phone. They are links to the LO and that is the only thing in his life that is important to him besides his work. When somebody has no interest outside of this, how do you utilize these tips for communication.

[@MarriageHelper]

The same principles apply my friend! Whether or not someone is limerence should not change how you act or treat them. Keep practicing SMART Contact. Work on your PIES! Do it for YOU. Stop the push behaviors! Stop trying to "get" your spouse to do things! Eventually, limerence will fade. If you work on all of these things, you will be the better option! And even if things don't work out, you are the best version of yourself for the future. Please consider trying to attend one of our workshops! You can also call our team directly to get some more free resources that can help you during this time my friend! Our number is 1 866 903 0990!

[@asifmuniruniverse7732]

Without known how can I believes in anyone

[@lilfairycupcake]

i did spouse communication once,. and once was enough for me. now i live a very simple, single life without her.

[@teegee5231]

Sounds like a lot of work

[@purplepunch8712]

I can’t stand the “I’m lonely we are basically roommates” it’s annoying just leave them

[@lauralove1570]

I just had to stop because this man needs to be updated on his way to approach a woman. It’s bad when it starts and he says that a woman looks tired if he doesn’t know that no person likes to be told tired he’s gotta go back to school and get some more training and maybe up-to-date on that. Men and women don’t fit in boxes.