How to deal with a homophobic family | Kati Morton

[@paperbackfern]

If you have a homophobic family and it's not safe to come out to them, don't. Coming out to your family is not worth putting your life at risk.

[@Katimorton]

Agreed!! xoxo

[@njerost]

Robin Williams Seconding this - I completely regret coming out to my parents. If it's a matter of safety then wait until you leave for college or moved out etc.

[@latifahkassam8044]

Robin Williams completely agree but I know a bunch of people who literally just could not hold it in anymore. It was damaging them so much to the point they had to say something! A lot of them ended up in nasty situations but they have mentioned to me that it was such a relief and they wouldn't have taken it back if they good x

[@charlesritt5088]

At least wait until you are out of the house and have some money . If you are really afraid for your physical safety from a family member then they are not really your family. Create your own family instead, people who you actually want to spend time with, who make you feel good about yourself. You in fact can actually choose your family.

[@dollartreeeminem]

#toolate

[@noodleify4665]

My mom always said to me: “Stand up for your rights!” But I never knew that I’d have to stand up to my mom....

[@mushi3120]

Oh, sis. I don’t think they would like that very much. My parents say that a lot, but they don’t like people “on a lower level” standing up against them. I’m not telling you that you shouldn’t stand up against your parents, but be prepared if you do. If you ever do, I wish you good luck on that. It also depends on how your parents act like too- But again, good luck!

[@ceciliamedina3937]

im sorry :((

[@nou-kc1ws]

I am rly sorry that u have to go through this, i promise u, it will get better💗

[@TheGreatOutdoors5523]

@@nou-kc1ws i came out and i’m 13. they don’t accept me and i just told them that i changed my mind. i don’t leave my room unless i have to and i just want to move out

[@nou-kc1ws]

@@TheGreatOutdoors5523 omg that is awful to hear..my family (mom, dad) barely accepted that im gay and my skster doesnt accept me..and i cant rly express myself cz they are feared that someone would think im gay.. But please, go outside take a walk, talk to a friend! Something!💜💜 I belive in u🌈

[@cupkatesoulmate2558]

My mom is a homophobic Christian.. and I’m bisexual.... I’m not allowed to see a girl while I live in her house. She took me away from my girlfriend that I’ve had for years after finally finding out. I’m still broken about it...

[@bellari11]

Cupkate Soulmate hello, im sorry for you. I experienced something similar when my mom found out too, I was soo broken but right now that things cooled down at little, im back with my girl even though we hide our relationship but we are fighting for us , let me just tell u things maybe are not gonna be a 100% good but eventually time helps :) at the end everything will be okay and if not then its NOT the end , stay strong girl!❤️

[@barkbork8681]

Cupkate Soulmate I’m sorry that happened to you. I hope you can reunite with your girlfriend ♥️

[@sophiagrace6361]

thats awful, how old are you? x

[@avx156]

Hey going through the same thing. I don’t know what to do at all

[@charlesritt5088]

Save up enough money so that you can leave and be out on your own and not have to deal with people who are determined to bring you down

[@nomdeplume1358]

Not only is almost everyone in my family homophobic, my mother straight up told on multiple occasions that if she ever found out I was gay she should disown me, she'd rather have no son than have a gay son basically...so that's just amazing, I love it, it makes me feel SO GREAT! All jokes aside, If it comes down to it I'd rather just be happy and completely disowned by the people I call family than spend my whole life pretending to be someone that I'm not just so my family accepts. I though my mother was someone who's supposed to love me unconditionally but it turns out she'll only love me if I'm straight. It just makes me sad you know...

[@bellari11]

Red_Queen_of_Shadow-Hunters And_Crows Hey you are NOT alone 🙌🏻❤️🏳️‍🌈 I really hope things get better for you. In my case my mom doesn’t want to disown me so i dont do what i really want to do. Instead she obligates me to stay in her home so she can literally torture me to do what SHE wants. So at least you have the chance to RUN from a toxic person❤️sending strenght to u

[@supplycloset3267]

So basically, that's what happened with me five months ago. My family found out and I was being told that if I ever decide to be a lesbian, I can pack up my things and never return home. I am traumatized from that night they found out. It was one of the worst nights in my life. I was abused, verbally and physically. They said in this case, they'd say I'm not their daughter anymore. So I'm going out with this guy, I am still questioning myself wether I'm bi or a lesbian, and it hurts so much, knowing that even if I move out and come out again, they will not talk to me and not support me. My family is from Russia, and as some people probably know, it's a very homophobic country. I'm sending out love to anybody who feels helpless because of their family, please stay strong you guys, it's really difficult but I believe once you move out, and get your own life together, it will find it's place. If leaving your family means you can live happy with your orientation/identity, then do that. You deserve to be happy, to feel loved.

[@redbullngh]

Same situation here

[@mydogiscrazy13]

You can create your own family with people who love you for who you truly are ❤️

[@anamaria463]

Hey! 1 year later hope that you are in a better place now with your family or that you are surrounding yourself with people that are accepting of you ❤❤

[@Ayayron1998]

I'm literally going through this issue right now in my life.

[@phlox238]

me too-

[@andrewp7920]

2 years later... How are you doing?

[@aysh_2925]

me too :( i hope your situation is better by now ❤

[@Ayayron1998]

​@@andrewp7920 Soo I am doing a lot better than I was 2 years ago. I haven't actually been with anyone for these past 3 years and I really took the time to figure out where I wanna go in the future. And uh turns out I'm not actually gay, I think I am probably bi. I honestly have no idea because I don't think I'm actually all that attracted to guys anymore (I'm a guy btw). But maybe I'm just telling myself that because it would just be easier for everyone if I was with a woman. But I do know I'm attracted to women atm for sure. I'm still figuring it out tbh but I'm doin well. Hope its going better for you too.

[@Ayayron1998]

​@@aysh_2925 ​ Soo I am doing a lot better than I was 2 years ago. I haven't actually been with anyone for these past 3 years and I really took the time to figure out where I wanna go in the future. And uh turns out I'm not actually gay, I think I am probably bi. I honestly have no idea because I don't think I'm actually all that attracted to guys anymore (I'm a guy btw). But maybe I'm just telling myself that because it would just be easier for everyone if I was with a woman. But I do know I'm attracted to women atm for sure. I'm still figuring it out tbh but I'm doin well. Hope its going better for you too.

[@watskyinparis9401]

Such an important video. I don't think I'm LGBT, but I think this will help me help my friends, some of whom have experienced homophobia from their parents.

[@justtrash3349]

ninja respect. I’m a lesbian and people that aren’t lgbtq+ often don’t think about helping people like me because they don’t have the same problem. But doing something that DOES help (even if you’re cis and straight) is amazing.

[@lara-ch5qc]

You're a gr8 ally!

[@kira6260]

My relatives came over and are talking so badly about the lgbtq+ community, and I am so anxious around them. I’m scared that they will find out that I’m a lesbian. They all say how all lgbtq+ people need to go into conversion therapy. I can’t be around them, so thank you

[@charlesritt5088]

Next time they come over find a way to not be around them .Make up an excuse if you have to. Treat them the same way you would a rattlesnake

[@Simran-g2x2t]

Stay strong, everything will be fine don't lose hope. Lots of love 💓

[@KaAaAiiiii]

I'm lesbian too. (And polyamorous!) My mother is STRICTLY christian and talks of lgbtq+ as not pure, filthy and sinful. She says that god made men and women to love eachother and NO ONE else, her own words. When I asked her what she would do if I was lgbtq, she said that she'd "try to save my soul" and it hurt so bad that I had a mental breakdown until 4am.

[@DrummerGrrrl]

I was very fortunate to move away from my mostly homophobic family in 1990. I ended up in Seattle and found an amazing therapist who is a lesbian and just helped me so much with accepting myself...if she hadn't been around, I might not be here today.

[@sampina5451]

Always keep on swimming man, you're loved (by me, I'll comment something nice to you every year to remind you you are loved)

[@whataphantrash8840]

today I came out to my teacher, told her that my parents found out that I am gay, that they weren't really fine with that and asked her if the school could give me any kind of support. she told me that she needs some time to figure out how to help me because I was the first student to come out to her but told me she was going to give me support and I could always talk to her. I live in Italy which isn't the most lgbtqia+ friendly place but found the courage to come out to someone at school. I this will help you realize that you're never alone and if you need any kind of help there's school and friends and people that will love and accept you for who you are no matter what. and if you come from an homophobic family just like I do and they don't show the support you need, fuck them. you're loved and worthy and don't EVER let them tear you down. xx

[@ohno382]

I think my teacher is Homophobic too qwq

[@redbullngh]

Anche io vivo in Italia, il problema è che i miei genitori sono davvero omofobi, la mia vita cambierebbe fin troppo se dovessero scoprirlo

[@hannahnl3002]

@@ohno382 same all my teachers are homophobic

[@burbuja9126]

I came out to my parents like an hour ago and they dont support me, im gonna try and see if my school can support me

[@awkward_chaos8322]

Every time I bring up the LGBT+ my mom goes on this massive rant about her Christian faith and what she believes and all of her opinions and then tries to say it’s what’s in the Bible. I’m so done.

[@gsse6629]

same but my dad 🤝 "man shall not lie with man" is giving me ptsd lol. hope you're fine after 2 years.

[@kurdtsmith2909]

that happens to me and i tried telling my Nanna but she was like 'if this is about the LGBTQ community i dont want to hear bout it'😔😔

[@laichagroenhart6938]

Omg same my whole family are a bunch of homophobic Christians​@@gsse6629

[@sco5b]

I came out to my mom when I was little. Ever since then my life has been hell. Is been 21 years. Everything I do is my fault. She doesn’t ever go out with me because it makes her sick. Is l about how she looks like how others see her. Short story short ..my life with a homophobic person has been the worst hell of life, not being accepted by who you are is the most heartbreaking that a kid would receive from a parent. Too much hate. Please love your kids or family who are lgbt please don’t treat them bad accept them don’t abandon them. Don’t change them let them change and find themselves . But please don’t be toxic and hate. Enough they going to have outside their home. Is the worst thing somebody can do to an innocent person. Please if you read this please support them and love them no matter what.

[@ackerman7490]

I hope you're better now.

[@burbuja9126]

I wish my parents read this

[@emilymcgee3812]

Someone I know recently told me he was gay and I know this is something he is concerned about, I'm going to show him this video, I think it will help him. Thanks Kati. x

[@Katimorton]

Of course!! So happy to be a helpful resource :) xoxo

[@qwertyuiopasdfghjkl9879]

My family makes me sick. My mom always tells me that she hopes that when I grow up I’ll marry a handsome rich husband and give her lots of grandchildren. I’m scared to tell her I’m a lesbian because she always says “I’m not homophobic but gay people do have a mental illness” or “it’s not natural”. I have like a more butch look because idk it makes me feel comfortable, and my mom always try’s to buy me dresses, skirts, makeup and pretty “feminine” stuff and I always tell her I don’t feel comfortable wearing that and she always yells at me and she thinks it’s because I have a low self esteem and I’m afraid boys won’t like my body or sum bull shit like that. I just wanna meet someone that will understand me and not judge me for who I am. I swear everyone I know is homophobic. I have one friend tho that I came out as bi to and she said she didn’t support my decision but that she still supports me. It’s dumb because it’s not a fucking decision I was born like this. It’s not a choice. Good thing I told her im bi and not the truth that I’m a lesbian because the reaction probably would of been worse. I don’t even know why I’m commenting this since it’s completely useless but I just really needed to get this of my chest...

[@thesupplyofpower]

I’m so sorry for you, just know that me and the community are all here for you! We support you, you’re not alone^^

[@qwertyuiopasdfghjkl9879]

@@thesupplyofpower thanks dude it means alot :) I recently changed schools and i know two people that are in the lgbtq+ community and i came out to them and they were super supportive. i figured i am gonna be 18 soon and ill just move out and start my life again as the real me.

[@mettapeachhead2076]

I'm not homophobic *BUT-* If they say that they are

[@psychosalt6251]

I understand. My family makes me sick too. When I first came out to my mom, her first words were “you don’t love me” and she threatened to kill herself. I was 14 at the time. After she calmed down, she tried to perform exorcisms on me. After more consecutive exorcisms than I’d ever previously received in my life, I finally lied to her again to make it stop. I still lie to her to this day 8 years later because she doesn’t deserve to know I’m happily married to the love of my life. I don’t ever wish to give her the chance to take pleasure in trying to tear my mind apart again. I was born gay, and that’s my business. Not hers because she was never truly my mother, just a spawnpoint. I wish you the best on your journey.

[@josephinewagner9106]

I feel you, my mom keeps telling me how she likes my hair longer whenever my hair style grows out and how I only want to cut it short again to "rebel" and because I know how much she hates it. I wear oversized and baggy, more masculine clothes and she always tells me that I should show my legs and skin more and not be "ashamed" of it. Like I'm just a masc lesbian and I just want to live my life the way I'm comfortable with myself. I might not be what she expects me to be, but I'm not gonna let my parents force me into being someone I'm not.

[@madisonwiley123]

Thank you for making this, I'm feeling really alone right now. I'm a lesbian and I'm out to my mom, who i live with. she's pretty much my only family member other than my sister. I've known my mom is low-key homophobic for years. And I say lowkey because she has no idea the things she says are homophobic. She thinks that because she's had gay friends/thinks gay people are funny, that means she's not homophobic. Recently I asked if she wanted to watch a movie about a gay couple with me, she refused saying it would make her uncomfortable and disgusted to see a gay couple kissing. I'm really upset about that because LGBT representation in media is what I use to cope. I don't have any gay friends and I'm not out to everyone, I have no one to talk to about this stuff. And her comments scare me because if two actors kissing makes her uncomfortable, what's gonna happen if I'm with a girl around her?

[@kassgal7213]

Riot_94 please don't you worry. Your environment right now may be not supportive but there is an entire community out there to hug you. Find people to talk to and help you. You are perfect don't let anyone make you feel less than that

[@92RKID]

Riot-94 I hear you. I may not have had the same problem, but I do know what it feels like to have people who care. I have many friends who cool with my being out about being lesbian.

[@Dan-B]

Great advice! Next video: How to deal with my racist AF family.

[@Katimorton]

I can definitely talk about that as well!! Glad you found the video helpful :) xoxo

[@Dan-B]

Kati Morton That would be really awesome if you could. It's an unfortunately increasing problem I feel.

[@rileyg.3405]

lol I can relate, my dads side is sooo hateful, all they do is hate. Like wtf get a life

[@kryptid7457]

coming out as black

[@user-es4vu9sf9l]

My family is racist against whites and homophobic

[@FlamingoCollective]

How to cope with gender dysphoria and the wait to medically transition? I'm a 17-year-old trans guy, and although my parents have taken baby steps towards acceptance (which I appreciate) like letting me take senior photos in a tux, they're a long way from the possibility of ever using my preferred name and pronouns. That, alongside the fact that I have to wait until college to medically transition, creates a lot of dysphoria for me. I've been seeing an amazing therapist for two years who focuses on mindfulness and accepting one's body how it is at that moment in time. I've worked on this a lot, and I've made improvement, but sometimes it's hard. I try to remind myself that gender roles are arbitrary constructs, but again, some times that's really hard. I especially struggle with my voice, because I'm a talented singer and musician, and my voice is pretty low for a female bodied person, but it bothers me that my range is higher than the typical male range. Tips on coping with all of this?

[@DrummerGrrrl]

PFLAG (Parents and Friends of Lesbians and Gays) is an amazing organization. There are PFLAG chapters in every major city. I can't stress enough the importance of groups like this one for support. I cried on the shoulders of a mom and dad who had lost one of their children to suicide--he was so afraid they wouldn't accept him and he didn't even wait to find out...turns out his parents were a lot more open-minded than he gave them credit for...a sad situation...THEY ended up comforting ME about my oldest sister telling me I was going to hell! So, yeah, PFLAG is awesome and I know there's tons more organizations out there now.

[@ksckuai]

I tested the waters with my parents I'm terms of how they seriously feel about the LGBTQ+ community. All they do is say offense and ignorant jokes, but when I look them in the eyes I can tell that they are disgusted. I wanted to come out to them on my 18th birthday, but it looks like I won't be coming out to them. I wish that things were different, I feel disappointed in them, but I can't change how they feel. I still want to let them know after I move out because I don't want them to feel uncomfortable with me living there or are disgusted by me...

[@ksckuai]

I am bisexual, by the way.

[@rynrichards4980]

PLEASE DO A VIDEO ABOUT...how to deal with mental health if you aren't ALOUD to see a psychologist/psychiatrist because of your mental parental guardian(s)

[@Katimorton]

I do have a video on how to get help without your parents help.. and also how to get help on a budget :) Maybe those will help!! xoxo

[@nightmarecarebear1731]

This made me ugly cry. 😭 i never realized that i didn't have time to process myself.

[@AdamJones-dq3cp]

real shit

[@nyimaconyers7670]

My family is homophobic and every time we get into an argument they throw it in my face that I'm bisexual and it has put me into depression recently but I've not found a wat way to cope

[@adrianb.5473]

Music is helpful...how have you been it’s been 1 yr?!

[@HGButte1991]

I hope they don't disown you and that they're just struggling to cope... Many hugs to you

[@starzies]

Big hugs to everyone who has visited this video in the past, the people who are currently watching and the people who will probably need this video in the future. We're all in this together, and things will get better. 💞🙏

[@mikarivers2255]

Wow I literally cried with this video it’s so hard when our own family cannot accept the way we want happiness in any gender or love inclination...thank you ♥️

[@pentagon815]

I came out as pansexual to my mom and she pulled that “it’s just a phase” stuff and saying “god makes no mistakes” and “only god judges” even tho she was judging me and stuff and saying that she wished she took me to church more. I feel horrible

[@mistywaffles6278]

The same thing happened to me when i came out as bi

[@aspiechan420]

Same when I came out as asexual a few years ago.

[@augustmorris8897]

That happened to me when I came out gay

[@bone_apple_teeth457]

People that don’t love you are not worth your time. And by love you I mean fully accept who you are, all of you, not just the part they like.

[@whateverflicks5822]

I’m currently living in a religious homophobic household with my mother. Everyday gets worse and worse. She knows I’m bi and on top of that I don’t believe in god so she’s twice as hard on me. I get yelled at for no reason and she says she wants me to be happy but I’m not allowed to date girls and she forces me to go to church...luckily I got a job and am starting to save money for college or just in case she kicks me out lol. I know I’ll make it out of here one day but it’s hard to have motivation in here. Also I read some of the comments and even though I’m still in my situation I just want everyone to know that we WILL make it out. This video helped A LOT thank you❤️

[@hannahrouse2298]

I needed this so badly today! Thank you!

[@Katimorton]

I am so glad I could help :) xxo

[@thamip.d.v.7107]

Ohh amazing video!!! I'm struggling sooooo much with self acceptance. I'm not living in my country, it's been a year now, my friends here, they know I'm lesbian, but my old friends, from my country, and also my family doesn't... Idk why, but I'm struggling a looooooot to tell them and it makes me feel very bad... I think that's, maybe, because I didn't accept myself completely yet, I know I still have internalized homophobia, I'm 27 and I just started to hear myself now... Ahhh it's been so stressful.

[@wallowcity]

i had to come out to my mum yesterday, she was disgusted and she doesnf see me as her daughter anymore. i dont know what to do cuz she wont let me talk to or see my crush anymore and i cant just forget her like that i love her

[@akl4101]

Thank you Kati!!! I think that one of the most useful things is to limit our time with those closed-minded family members. And find people that think beyond sexuality, I believe we are so much more than just that. 🙂

[@hannahwalsh4506]

Hey Kati, Thank you so much for making a lgbtq+ video! I’m 14 and my parents are extremely homophobic they are always saying if I ever turn out gay they will kick me out, I am gay and really want to tell them and others around me but i feel like if i tell anyone in school or any other friends it will somehow get back to my parents, I feel like I am going to lose them and all I have to do is pick a time for it to happen.

[@charlesritt5088]

Wait until you have some money in the bank so that if they kick you out you will be able to live on your own

[@luvvsoph1e]

Did you come out

[@swayitocarl]

Its okay to cut your family off and not see them anymore. Thats where it came down to for me, and its painful. But better than living hoping to be accepted by them. Just means I will have to try a little harder with creating my life as a lone individual.

[@wifipigeon01]

Kati I've seen your videos for so many years when I was sick and needed support. Now That's 5+ years ago, but I've NEVER known that you're an active ally!! :D Thank you so much for just being you and doing these videos!

[@addiee.waddiee]

i was just outed to my mother i'm scared for my life

[@spacesofi4005]

I came out to my family. My older brothers didn’t care, but my parents had a “we don’t care that your gay, but we low-key wish you wish you were straight” reaction. Whenever I talk about being a lesbian, my mom says some pretty lesbophobic things, and my dad is one of those parents that’s like “don’t tell anyone your gay”. Luckily my older brother defends me a lot of the time, but it hurts. I didn’t expect them to be super accepting, but now that it’s actually happening, it just hurts

[@rosalieyutani1109]

I'm just 12 years old by the time I'm writing this (April 2019), I will be turning 13 next month... I was forced to come out to my mother 9 months ago... and my coming out story is quite similar to that of Simon's from the movie "Love, Simon". My mother, my grandmother and my helper were the first to find out I was gay. You see, an old friend of mine and I were emailing each other, I trusted him so I told him about my sexuality. My helper soon saw my conversations and told my mom. My mother and my grandmother spent a week at the hospital because my older brother was ill at that time, so it was just me and my helper at home. My mother called me and talked to me about what happened and I just sat on my bed and didn't say a word, at that moment, I knew I was screwed, my whole life began to crumble, I felt like My soul was about to leave my body. I just listened to her talk and the more I listened, the more I wanted to cry... After a few minutes, I told her that I was in the bathroom, and I told her we'd talk later and said my stomach was aching and that I had to go back to the bathroom. She warned me and I immediately hung up. On the day they'd come home, I was pretending to be asleep in my room. My mother "woke me up" and we ate dinner. Nothing happened that night and I supposed she forgot about what had happened... Until she warned me once again. A few days passed and nothing out of the ordinary happened, it was just like any other day. Or so I thought... I was laying on my bed, slightly relieved. My mother went into my room, and we just chatted for awhile and then. There was no way of escaping it... She asked me what my gender was and I calmly said "I'm a boy." She continued to ask me the same question to which I'd reply her with the same answer. This continued until she asked "are you confused of your gender?" And I just simply denied but she forced and convinced me to tell the truth, it was pointless to lie since she probably already knows so I just gave up. I told her I a was gay. Woohoo... Although my family disapproves of gays (especially my brother, he'd always talk to me about how much he hates his gay classmate), they still try their best to accept me and love me for who I am. And just awhile ago, my grandmother's sister just found out I was gay and she being the religious woman she is, completely disapproved. But I can't blame her, she is deeply devoted to God and there's nothing wrong with that, and plus, she lived at a time where gays were not yet accepted. And to those who took their time to read this comment until the end, I appreciate your patience.

[@himedefleur]

I have a homophobic and transphobic family,I have anxiety and I know they won’t accept me I’m Pansexual and non-binary I also believe that they will accept the Pansexual part first and they will be very mad about the non-binary part...

[@paigemadeline4320]

My moms been so supportive of me doing anything the last thing I’d expect her to do was be homophobic.

[@evangregory8120]

There's a big difference between "can't and won't..."

[@CarlybutreallyBATMANBraverman]

Awesome video, dude! I give it two thumbs up (officially)! 🦇❤️💛💚💙💜

[@Katimorton]

YAY! So glad you found it helpful :) xoxo

[@Alice-nx9sp]

I am bisexual, a female, and mostly into girls. My mother doesn't live with me. I live with my father and grandmother, both of them are homophobic. I lie to them and say "Lbgtq people are disgusting!" Or "I will be straight for my life" because my dad won't ever speak to me again if I tell them the truth. This helped a bit. Thank you.

[@clengee2611]

How are you doing now?

[@rileyg.3405]

My dad is a very hateful man, when my parents divorced my mom revealed to me that he was abusive and her only way out was to cheat on him. At first I didn’t believe but when I got to experience it myself, I knew my mom wasn’t lying to me. My relationship with my dad is weird, I love him and hate him. Love because he makes me laugh and he is my father, hate because he is abusive and a horrible person. I’m bisexual and he’s told me TO MY FACE that it’s unnatural, gross, weird, and that “somethings in the water”. He doesn’t know and for the past few years it’s killed me on some days. Knowing my dad will never accept me hurts. But remember you are not alone and you got this!!

[@icurus8978]

my parents didn't even give me a chance to prepare myself they went through my stuff and found. it was an awful reaction..

[@eeeeeeee7774]

can't wait for mine to do the same, I know they will I don't trust them they go through my stuff so much

[@nommingmochi]

i’m not gonna tell them until i have my own house and i can support myself

[@anouskaclarke1058]

This is exactly the right video for me right now. Thank you so much Kati, xx

[@Katimorton]

Awe yay! So glad I could be helpful!! xox

[@phroggothephrog1768]

i came to youtube after my mum said: If you kiss a girl, you’ll do drugs. She didn’t say that but that was what she said basically. I really want to run away, but i’m still working out who i’d stay with

[@kitkat6324]

I know that I'll just be able to be myself when I'm out of my family's house, cause anything I do since I came out to my mom she just keep reminding me that I'm going to hell, that isn't natural and all that same shit, to be honest hurts a lot, it's tough but what helps me is that i remember that someday I'll be free from this, fingers crossed

[@endofaneraoutnow3473]

SAMEEE. Just happened to me minutes ago

[@themarvelbunch8604]

The problem here is that i know that my family would never change their minds. And before I could even say anything my father would be already beating me up and telling me that I can’t be this way (I’m 13 btw)

[@thegrammarpolice6953]

This video was very encouraging! Thanks!

[@estarlias]

i thought i could trust them, and that they would be supportive, but they aren’t. i’m hurt

[@basicindiebro]

It’s been over a decade for me and nothing changed.

[@emeraldm0on-yt]

I'm a straight Christian but my brother can be so homophobic/transphobic its so annoying, not like stupid ze zir SJW transphobic like..its so...ugh chill

[@eljota1633]

@cinnamon sparkles Yes bro

[@MistrzSzabli]

My friend brother is homophobic. When i was in my friend home her brother just came to us and told about LGBTQ+ is bad like this style. I disassapointed at her brother. Sorry for my grammar. I hope you're parents will suport you as well! If they don't.... remember..... you not alone! We are support you! ❤🧡💛💚💙💜

[@gancanagh3570]

I know but parents love me but idk if they will love me as much if I came out. They are VERY religious and it feels like hell.

[@ashleylawliet]

I don't really know if I'm writing this comment for advice or just to tell my story, but I came out close to 3 years ago. I had known for a few years before that that I was at least bi, I was still figuring myself out but I knew that I was not fully straight, as the years have gone on I now realized that I am a lesbian. When I came out I had been in my first real Lesbian relationship, I told my mom only and I told her to not tell anyone else in my family yet because I wasn't ready for everyone to know that I was gay yet. She told me that night that she loved me no matter what but that support and love didn't last very long. She told my entire family behind my back and for the rest of those 3 years of my life its been hell. I've been mentally abused every day because of it. They said that it was the girl that I was with, they said that she brainwashed me into thinking that I was gay when I clearly was not. They said I'm not gay because I never played with boy toys or acted like a boy. That all made me question who I really was when I knew that my true self was gay, but because they had convinced me that you can't be gay if you weren't masculine growing up. Recently the girl I had been with since I came out broke up with me and it has been one of the worst pains I had ever been through. My parents said that this is a good thing because now I am going to realize that I am not gay and that I'm not going to feel forced to be gay anymore. They keep trying to force me to grow my hair out and dress more feminine. They told me that I won't be able to get a job with the way I look. They make me feel like such shit about myself and I just don't know how to feel good about myself again. I don't want to fight with them anymore, but I don't want to lie about who I am and make myself miserable just so they can be happy and have a "straight" daughter. I feel lost and hopeless. I have no one.

[@iud5463]

What toys you played with, what you dressed, or if you were or weren't more of a typical girl, this all are unrelated to being homosexual, you're lesbian/bi if you feel attracted to other girls. Even if you did stop having stronger feelings for the same genre you could still be attracted to them, but are repressing this feelings. Or you can simply don't feel like that anymore, that is also valid. Either way it's a personal experience, that shouldn't be influenced by others opinions. In the end, you fall in love with someone, and people either accept it or not, but that won't change the first part. Edit: You'll have people who will love you for you are someday, gotta keep strong :)

[@mariahalysse7255]

I was working at camp all summer and couldn't get to the live stream all summer and I'm so sad I missed them but so happy you post videos I can relate to again Love and miss you Kati -rabidwild

[@Katimorton]

Hey!!! We have missed you!! But I will be back to livestreaming once I am back from Australia :) Hope to see you on there again soon! xoxo

[@kaylaslack9276]

Goodness, you are so accepting and understanding; it makes me so weepy. I remember coming out to my family (I was 14 at the time) and I don't necessarily regret doing it, but I really do wish I had waiting a little while and tried to figure myself out more before I really told them. Because, exactly how you explained, they weren't entirely accepting at first. And I don't blame them. When I talked to my therapist about it, she said it's often hard for parents and family to be accepting right away (especially mothers) because we are telling them something about us that they might not have caught on to. And so, for the mom side of this, they have a moment of, "Do I even know you anymore?" Because our sexuality is very much part of our identity and for close family that has grown up with us and been around us since we were born, it's hard to adapt to a new part of our identity because it's now a new part of how they see us. I'm 16 now, and have figured out that I am not at all what I came out as. I came out as gay, and later -- after many, many talks with my therapist -- I realized that I was not gay at all. I'm possibly bisexual, but I'm not going to label myself. Point is, I had a lot of unresolved childhood trauma that was causing me to stray away from males so much so that I thought I was gay. Besides my lil story, I do encourage anyone wanting to come out to make sure they are going to be safe, and to be prepared to give parents and family some time to come around. They will come around eventually. But if they don't and they are extremely homophobic, then like Kati said, maybe just don't see them as much.

[@JozVerse]

I’m dealing with this right now. I feel like it’s making me more and more depressed. I’m really insecure as well because of it. I need my family though .. :/ I love them but they don’t know me emotionally. It sucks. I just quit my job too because I felt like everyone didn’t like me because I’m gay. It’s difficult to just be myself without someone doing/saying something homophobic. :,(

[@wordscapes5690]

It's easy for me. i never speak to them or have contact with them. Peaceful. Blissful. Easily done.

[@nope8093]

Thank you so much! I was sent here by Anna, who I communicated with by text. She sent me this video as help and it did! Thanks!!!

[@actresstowardbroadway5733]

What do you so if your family regresses? Like they start off really supportive, and then by a few months later, they are saying that you aren’t really lgbtq+?

[@Toyon95]

It's so strange that in this day and age- a parent can't comfort a child who just came out to them.

[@cierragibson8358]

Just found out today that my god family is homophobic. It broke my heart. I’m not gay or anything, but it still hurts. I didn’t expect them to be homophobic. I see them completely differently now. I wish that I never found out. I feel like I’m gonna cry. 💔😔

[@princess.blumarine111]

Really needed this. Thank you Kati. 💗

[@jessrei3432]

Can you make a video on what its like when someone has recovered from depression?

[@Katimorton]

Are you wanting to know what that could look like or how to know??? xoxo

[@rainno2202]

came out to my mum, my entire family is homophobic, she said its unnatural, a sin and a phase. she said she wouldnt tell anyone which im happy about but ive been crying to girl in red for the past 20 minutes :D

[@danyellneedshelpm994]

My mom said “my kids will not be gay” and I said “you don’t get to decide that” and she’s homophobic without realizing it. My dad thinks it’s a mentally ill thing and I’m like wtf 😂 I can’t wait to move out and rub my Bisexualness in their face 😘☺️

[@mettapeachhead2076]

My dad says that and I'm bi too

[@mettapeachhead2076]

@90sdaydreamer same

[@fiammaadriano6457]

I have had to deny being lesbian to my homophobic family so many times I would literally die inside if I was outed by someone else or had to come out. It is something that makes me struggle, because I already have troubles accepting it myself, it would be such a relief to be able to talk about it to my parent. But I can't, I'll never be able to bear my mother's awful comments and looks, my father's silence towards me. I do talk about gay people's rights and give signs, they are suspicious and mean lately, so I am thinking of finding a cover-up boyfriend to let them ease out. But how will I tell my future gf I can't kiss her in public places in fear of someone who knows my family seeing us? How will she accept never coming over to my place, never meeting my parents? I'm in love with an older girl, she is 5 years my senior. I haven't worked up the courage to talk to her too much because I know how many problems we would have if we actually started dating. Why does this have to be so hard?

[@wadirasaomi1355]

Literally I'm face the same shit

[@tengwarsoup8836]

Thank you for this video Kati! :)

[@Katimorton]

You are so welcome :) xoxo

[@Moon_beams96]

I’m 18 years old and queer. I live with my parents and my mom still controls what I read and take interest in. I have no friends and rlly fucking isolated. I’ve been in the closet for so long and I’m really getting sick of this. Like I’m a fucking adult why does she think she can treat me like this. It’s rlly frustrating having to hide all of my interests and personality, but I do it to stay alive I guess

[@endofaneraoutnow3473]

I relate to half of this

[@elflauta1]

I'm curious about how to view all of these married men that identify as straight but have sex with their buddies or strangers just for fun. it is a HUGE thing now.

[@etcwhatever]

Its obvious : bissexuality

[@LeafeMcGamer]

This is really helpful cause to me I tried coming out to my homophobic family as a glitchgender and staticgender and they just yell at me telling me that it's "not real" and that "god won't love me if I keep doing this" and I feel really hurt about it every time they call me "She/Her" or call me by my dead name makes me feel like everyone is against me, I usually have my imaginary friends and lover come over so I can feel more comfortable and safe and I talk to my supportive amigos online and when ever I'm alone I always listen to lgbtq songs and watch lgbtq stuff, but I have to wear headphones so that my mom doesn't hear it, my sister is apart of the lgbtq to tho

[@angelinesalinas2433]

I'm in a situation that I am afraid of coming out because of my 'proud' homophobic twin. She always remind me that if I would tell her that I am not straight she will be hysterical and will hate me for life.

[@charlesritt5088]

Talk about an emotional bully. You may have to play rough with her and tell her that you will in fact cut her out of your life if she continues to make you feel bad about yourself. Life is too short to spend time with people who feel the need to make you feel worthless!

[@brianapostelnicu7823]

I started crying bc I can't come out😭😭😭😭😭😭😭❤️

[@haleywest2257]

My whole family are religious Muslims. I’m a biromantic asexual and idk what to do because my parents and siblings are all homophobic. Since it’s pride month there’s always flags everywhere and my sister is always like “I’m gonna throw up I’m so tired of seeing pride flags” and my mom also said “i know I can’t believe they’re teaching kids about this craziness”. They don’t know that I also like girls but it hurts whenever I hear them say something like that. I also am the only person in the family who doesn’t want to be Muslim. Whenever I’m in the room when I my mom or sister pray it makes me feel so uncomfortable especially because my mom prays very loudly. They’re also forcing me to wear a hijab and learn how to pray when I’m 13 (I’m gonna turn 13 in September) and I really do not want to. My sister also makes fun of people who do self harm and she was like “yOu kNow peOplE whO kiLl tHEmSeLves oR arE LGBT gO tO hELL”. I usually don’t say anything when she says that (because I don’t want her knowing that I also like girls) but you only have one life and one chance to be happy, and I’d rather go to hell loving someone I wanted to love than being forced to be with a guy I don’t love.

[@miroslavbulldosex]

that's sad

[@Queen_adonijah]

I have extremely homophobic parents. They tell me I’m evil and possessed, because of feelings I can’t help to have. I’ve been ashamed of who I am. And I’ve been bashed enough that now even thinking about it makes me feel like a bad person. It’s so depressing.

[@davidperry4013]

You’re not a bad person for being who you are. Consider cutting ties with your parents so they can no longer hurt your feelings. It is going to hurt a lot at first but, you will feel much better in the long run.

[@JvitorA09]

You’re simply amazing. Tnks a lot for your guidance on this. Keep up the excellent work!

[@Jie4550]

I have found your videos very helpful, Kati, thank you! ❤️💛💚💙

[@misosoup1311]

My grandparents are hobophobic when I came out yesterday also I’m in middle school in 6th grade and I always believed it was natural to be in love but it’s always someone bashing your option. And once I came out there said it wasn’t normal and started to be rude to my opinion after I trusted them very long growing up with them

[@mars8872]

Also, another tip to deal with internalized homophobia, come out to someone you KNOW is going to accept you, like a queer friend or even just a queer person/openly accepting person online. Having that validation in your life and someone telling you that it's totally normal and okay to be who you are is such a positive impact, I'm very greatful for my bestfriend for being by my side the entire journey, despite me growing up in a homophobic household that disliked them.

[@cyc2671]

I was hoping for some advice to get my grandma to stop freaking out whenever I say “gay is alright.” 😂😂

[@Hey-le2pv]

i live in a christian homophobic household i got outed and my mom took me out of school sports took everything from me hit me called me all types of names threated to take me to a homeless shelter and tried to break me up with my girlfriend i cant see or call my girlfriend but we still text on a device my mom doesnt know about but i am struggling and hopefully i can get out of this toxic household soon

[@giojett1623]

You need to report this to the police for domestic abuse. Depending on where you live, you may be able to get emancipated from your family from ages 14-17 (in the US). Don’t wait. Pack your bags with food, water, utilities, your secret device, and at least $200 in money, call a lawyer to meet up (PLEASE thoroughly review who your lawyer is before choosing one. Not all lawyers are good lawyers.), and go to your nearest LGBTQ friendly shelter. It’s not running away. It’s legally setting yourself apart from abusive people. Your parents may try to take themselves out of the emancipation case and not go to court. Try again. You need to get away from this toxic environment. I hope these work^^

[@MissKatAttackOfficial]

Kati, you are so lovely.

[@Katimorton]

Awe thanks honey :) xox

[@victoriaalexandrov7548]

my dad is definitely on the homophobic side and i asked my mom on how she would feel if i told her i was gay and she honesty didnt really care and alot of people say to just move out but im 15 so i cant yet.. but ik my parents would love me even if i was gay

[@wwusyaname]

I always had this fear of being kicked out of my house and no longer be called a daughter if I came out to my mom,my brother isn't homophobic he just thinks it's werid but not bad.Can you help me?

[@anonymousgirl4762]

I don't know what to do. Its not self esteem its really just about feeling trapped. I can not kiss, hold hands, or touch my gf at all in front of them.

[@JJAlwaysChillin]

So about 2 months ago I came out to my mom and my stepdad as bisexual, it didn’t go out well, tells me I’m not bisexual, she wants me to marry a women, I’m to scared to tell my dad cause my mom told me he’s homophobic, my mom claims she doesn’t have a problem with the lgbt community but I think she does have a problem, about a month ago I cried to my mom because I didn’t wanna be raised in a homophobic family because it would make me look homophobic when im not, thank you for posting this.

[@coltdaggabuzzbuzzify]

If your family are homophobes, get away from them, forever. The condition is malignant and their refusal to get help is a guarantee they intend on inflicting more abuse on you. Get away.

[@sifu.3076]

Thx so much for this video . I am now 14 and my parents are like really homophobic, for example I have a gay classmate who is actually a good friend of mine and when they found out that I have a gay classmate they said its sick and all that stuff and now im scared to come out to them and tell them that I am bi and actually have a girlfriend now so when you said that I dont actually have to tell them its kina comforting

[@noname-pl8tw]

Since I'm still pretty young and have just found out recently that I am part of the LGBTQ+ community, I've realized that I am basically surrounded by homophobic people. My mother is Christian and so are all of her friends. All of them bash on the LGBTQ community and since none of them know I'm part of it they continue to make me feel uncomfortable and unloved. By this point I've had many mental break downs because of this and the desire to be "normal", after doing some research i realized that comming out to my mother would not be the best idea (she has made several major hints that she would disown and hate me if I were gay). But my main problem is, I belive that if I came out to my dad he would accept me but since hes loyal to my mom I'm scared he will tell her. I dont want to sever their relationship because then I would have something else to burden and be blamed on. I honestly don't know what to do right now, I really love both of them alot and dont want to continue being uncomfortable with them when they mention boys ( I am female and bisexual) I also don't want to hide myself and future relationships that I may have one day. Anyways this was just a rant because I've already told all my friends about this. Thank you for making this video

[@HGButte1991]

Even in more "enlightened" places such as Europe you may have a homophobic environment. NEVER come out to them if you are dependant on them, especially your family. Come out once you live on your own so that their hate can't destroy your life. I'm sacrificing my young years to study and once I'm done I'm gonna rub the rainbow in their face! ;) Be safe out there!

[@Wolf-wu8cb]

Thank you! your advice helped me and also gave me some great ideas!

[@VeronikaMiglio]

I came out just a few days ago and it absolutely destroyed me. They let me split up with my gf, said Im just a pervert and mentally ill for being bi, just confused.... Please don't come out, find a job away and live ur life there....

[@vilewalrus9367]

I’m not sure if my family’s homophobic but my dad has said in multiple cases that if I wear something he calls girly which isn’t a thing he says that’s gay but he says it in a bad way. I’m not gay but I’m bi and ace so idk how my family would feel if I came out WHICH IM NOT DOING!

[@iris__and_rhizomes]

Such an awesome video, as always, Kati! My godchild is trans, and I'm going to share this with her parents. (She's nine years old.) And I'm going to personally do the five things I like about myself twice a day as you suggest. Thank you for your work, Kati.

[@panie445]

Nine years old? Thats way too young to be trans.

[@mimime4652]

I guess is homophobic but I’m teaching my lil sis to accept it and support. But my parents they do not like it at all, and sometimes I feel like I might bi, but I know they’ll never accept it. Also whenever my mom is talking about how many girls get groped or sexually abused she never talks about boy also getting forced to do stuff they don’t wanna do. Which kinda triggers me, though yea I know girls get touched a lot but boys matter too. I just sometimes don’t understand my family. 😢

[@thegrammarpolice6953]

Hi, fellow Army!

[@alanhuerta5095]

Thank you for taking about this and caring ❤️

[@thaBixa]

I came out three years with mostly positive response ago but I still find it difficult to be proud and self-acceptant. I'm still not out to my brothers. I still struggle too much with intimacy to actually date and so I haven't really been 'forced' to tell them or anyone really, I easily find myself in situations where I don't come out to new people I meet. I started seeing a therapist for the first time a couple of weeks ago. I can't really imagine comfortably telling him I'm gay. We haven't really been talking relationships, but part of me wants to like formally come out to him now before ´we actually come into the subject of love, sex and dating where I know I'd easily find myself choosing gender neutral terms etc. I also feel like coming out would be a bit weird and irrelvant, and like my voice will crack and then I'll have too much anxiety that session to actually do anything useful. Where I am right now we're just trying to diagnose me and talk through the basics of my life (?) I still find it really difficult and struggle a lot with anxiety during sessions. Somehow I just want him to know that I'm lesbian and eventually I want to talk about. But I don't know how to bring it up (I'm always awkward coming out and this is so much more difficult) or if it's just weird. Any suggestions? *sorry for my bad english*

[@charlesritt5088]

Good lord, at least get a therapist that you are comfortable with. Much of it will be trial and error

[@stanczyka2407]

I’m gay and trans (male to female) and I was ranting about my ex and my mom heard me and asked me if I was dating a dood and I lied and she was like *”good because I don’t want you being gay”* and my heart dropped because my mom says it’s ok to be gay and that it isn’t wrong and so I thought I could trust her and come out to her because I thought she’d be accepting of it and those very words just made my heart just drop.

[@coffeeisbitter8651]

I’m transgender and my parents are homophobic since it’s “against the lord” to want to change your birth gender. They tell me it’s a phase. Does anyone have advice for this situation? Please can someone help?, I’m worried that I won’t get help from this situation and I really need help. Thank you and merry Christmas to everyone ❤️