How To Deal With the Withdrawal in Limerence

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Күн бұрын

I offer personal counseling with a scheduled appointment , please check:
followingfenna.com
Together we will make a plan how to beat limerence.
Hello there!
My name is Fenna van den Berg, I am a certified coach and counselor. I have worked in the mental health field for over 25 years.
Having been through episodes of Limerence, I have "earned my stripes" to help others with their recovery. I understand the obsession and suffering of Limerence. My passion is being able to share with you, and all limerents, a guided-way forward on your journey of healing. We do this through discovering and practicing self-love and compassion. As someone who has suffered through limerence, I have developed effective coaching for people with limerence. My Coaching has helped countless have a more purposeful life, and I want to help you. We will work together, so that you may have a life more in line with your values and integrity.
Together, we are blossoming a community of friendly people with the same debilitating feelings and experiences of Limerence. Here, we share with, support, and nurture each other in giving love to ourselves, perhaps for the first time.
When you’re ready to end your pain and suffering from seeking the "Other," I’m here to guide you in recognizing your true lovable self, with compassionate teaching, counseling and also private coaching.
For my help, please contact me: fenna@followingfenna.com or on followingfenna.com

Пікірлер: 74

@followingfenna 5 ай бұрын

For my help in your limerence www.followingfenna.com

@tabitalykkeschou1450 5 ай бұрын

I am 12 Day no contact. I am so thankful for your videos - they really help me ….. the pain Will get better …… i feel Ok about no contact - i know we are not good for one another. Hope i Will never have to feel this pain again. It is like pain from years are come out of me - crying everyday for the last weeks. No more longing. But a lot of pain in stomic. It is Nice to know a time frame….. and maybe i Cant tjeck in anywhere- but I Can listen to you. Have no friends - but a wonderful husband- and he does not understand it - but he is there for me.

@followingfenna 5 ай бұрын

Oh 12 days in is really tough. But also really good! Cry as much as you need, one day you will cry less and less. I give you a huge hug.

@devovray 7 ай бұрын

You have described perfectly what happened to me! Mine was so dramatic. I haven't known what caused it until now. Thank you SO much! I am never going there again!!!❤🎉😅

@jules6473 6 ай бұрын

This is the most helpful information in my life ever... This is the first time I really understand the pattern and symptoms and this helps so much to wanting a change.. All the time and just thought I am really weird... For me it's always older women that are LOs... I think last month I had the longest limerence free time span in my life so far but now it hit me again.. And the saddest thing is that I can't go no contact then I can't finish my training as a therapist. It's so scary to believe that even if I get over the withdrawal there's always the next potential LO right around the corner and my body goes crazy

@followingfenna 6 ай бұрын

I'm soooo sorry. Good luck to you and know you are not alone ❤️

@jcherpes 7 ай бұрын

Oh man, listening to this just makes me see so much of what my ex-wife did. Choosing the short-term (her alcoholic LO who threatened our son) over a long-term relationship with our son. So much like a drug addiction. Nothing mattered to her, but getting her high off of him. LO was the same with her, but he also was dealing with his alcoholism. He even told her he'd always choose alcohol over her, but she thought she was going to fix him because their love 'is fire that can't burn out....' lol, these were adults using language like that. She is off of him now, but every so often she thinks she can have contact with him, and then it throws her into a deep depression, even just a little contact. I have tried to get her to watch some of your videos, and she has, but she is convinced that it's not really describing her. I hope she can figure it out. The saddest thing in my life is that our oldest son hasn't had contact with her for 2 years.

@followingfenna 7 ай бұрын

You know, I hear stories like this exactly the same a lot! Normally loving mom's who get estranged with their kids because they ' choose an alcoholic LO . And you can't really push the idea of limerence on them, they have to mentalise ( meaning start to realise they are limerent ) it's good you mentioned it though.

@Tre7650 7 ай бұрын

This video is really packed with information, you could write a book!

@followingfenna 7 ай бұрын

Thank you Tre

@user-wp7qk9qg6i 7 ай бұрын

So little is known about limerence and how we should approach it, thank you Fenna.

@followingfenna 7 ай бұрын

You are very welcome

@Lighthouse1810 7 ай бұрын

I recently had a video counseling session with Fenna. I was really skeptical going in but am glad I did. It really helps to talk about these things with someone who understands what you are going through. Thank you Fenna! I'm doing much better since our talk and feel like I'm coming out of my limerent state. No contact is critical.

@followingfenna 7 ай бұрын

I'm sooooo happy to read this, thank you. 😊

@jeffreybishop9478 7 ай бұрын

Fenna helped me so much. With my addiction with my painful limerence. I highly recommend her KZbins and personal therapy session. It has turned my life around for a long term positive feeling.

@followingfenna 7 ай бұрын

Thank you soooo much :) it was a pleasure to talk to you

@danaschield5090 7 ай бұрын

Excellent! As always. Thank you, Fenna! ❤

@followingfenna 7 ай бұрын

Thank YOU Dana

@DominicOkinawa 7 ай бұрын

Thank you Fenn. I needed this today

@twinsoul5156 7 ай бұрын

Thank you so much for this. Still - after so many rejections by my LO I’m still in no contact yet hoping that my no contact will somehow make them miss me . The hope doesn’t go no matter what narrative I tell myself. I’ll be in no contact as you say Fenna but my reason behind it secretly is hoping for them to miss me in my absence and I daydream how they would be immensely missing me . Which is not the case I know but the hope just doesn’t stop. I have watched All your videos and watch as soon as you upload new content You are a god sent pack of right information if only I could get rid of hope. Also - I’m eagerly waiting for your video you had mentioned a while ago about why sexless marriages lead to limerence also

@mariad1151 7 ай бұрын

yes! Hope springs eternal... Hope is hopeless... 😉

@followingfenna 7 ай бұрын

Whatever the motivation! As long as you stay in nc! ( we all secretly hope lo will miss us and contacts us, that's normal) I already made the video on the sexless marriage, it's out there.

@twinsoul5156 7 ай бұрын

@@followingfenna yes thank you 🩷 ya I had seen that video but I thought you will make one about that shriveled up eggplant pic you posted why we don’t choose that - about that issue leading to limerence specifically. But the other video was informative as well. Thank you 🩷

@5gx673 7 ай бұрын

Don't give up, it all fades with enough NC

@leslieabbott6119 2 ай бұрын

Thanks!

@followingfenna 2 ай бұрын

Thank you Leslie !!!❤❤❤

@leslieabbott6119 2 ай бұрын

@followingfenna Thank YOU Fenna! 🥰

@aroyals339 7 ай бұрын

Thanks for the concise reminder. Went thru all this a year ago, just starting No Contact with a different girl this week so I need the reinforcement.

@followingfenna 7 ай бұрын

Good luck A !!!

@gibbopg 7 ай бұрын

I have not yet been able to break free of the grip of this thing. I may need to leave my workplace to get true ‘no contact’. It’s become too hard to focus on work as well. I tried doing other activities to produce dopamine. I lost 12 kilos going to the gym ( that felt good). But here I am back looking for her around the office and feeling anxious when she not around. We are not (and have never been) a couple, but that didn’t stop me becoming addicted to her. She’s bee great ... could have got me fired for some kind of harassment but, chose not to do that. However, I need to make it all stop by leaving. This will most probably mean retiring two years earlier than planned. Yes, a 64 year old pining for a 32 year old. Just a tad pathetic!

@5gx673 7 ай бұрын

Hope you can be kind to yourself and patient, because you are working hard.

@Christine-j7b 7 ай бұрын

Do it ! Then enjoy your retirement doing healthy activities or volunteer work or something where you will meet like minded people for friendships and who knows what may come from that. You are just living in a fantasy at the moment and yes you are right it is a bit pathetic, have some dignity and leave. Rip that plaster off! You will get over it.

@gibbopg 7 ай бұрын

@@Christine-j7b Thanks ... only remaining issue is that my LO also lives in my neighborhood and I can run into her at Doctors surgery, shopping centre etc. Of all the people to be addicted to in my company, I had to pick the one who lives, literally, around the corner from me. lol

@mariad1151 7 ай бұрын

I don't think anyone understands why some people touch us so deeply. Age, as far as I know, isn't a factor in the equation. Our hearts don't seem to acknowledge these cultural norms. It does help to not have to see the one we want & cannot have. My heart is a w you.. Hard to tell what is worse...seeing them or not. What a f"*_&# choice!!!!!

@Tre7650 7 ай бұрын

Ugh, sorry to hear about this. I relate, just with the ages switched. I keep repeating to myself what that person's role is- kind of sets a boundary in my mind. Don't know if this would help for you, just something I practice when I see them.

@karenpoirier9352 7 ай бұрын

I just slipped up after a month but only texted him a beautiful song.

@followingfenna 7 ай бұрын

We slip up, and go again :) ❤️

@rockrecordreport7136 7 ай бұрын

My limerence is a slow cooking mild case where it's always there and every day I think of them, but I get on with my daily chores and get things done by myself. The highs are not as high and the lows are not crippling or depressing like they can be when you first come crashing down. I will not be contacting them because I've already done that and we are on decent terms and I have positivity about them and myself as well. That is a good place to end it on I think. They did not reply to my last email anyway. F them.

@mariad1151 7 ай бұрын

Yes! F them!!

@Max-16p 7 ай бұрын

You’re right it’s a fine place. Mine is the same.

@mariad1151 7 ай бұрын

❤ TY Fenna for trying to help us. TY for offering your hand to help us climb out of this hell. I wholly reject the idea of addiction. This is a matter too complex to be explained by the know nothing's in bio psych. They know nothing of the soul or imagination from which feeling emanates. (Is there a bio explanation for feeling.... Stupid psycho babble....as if it ever helped, explained, or understood anything.... Back to your chains, limerents. It's a kinder destiny than what the docs have in store for you!

@followingfenna 7 ай бұрын

@benjaminquist 7 ай бұрын

Thank you again

@followingfenna 7 ай бұрын

You are very welcome

@DonThompson-kx9df 7 ай бұрын

I really enjoy how detailed you have been in discussing limerence. Is there an approximate timeline to the stages or phases? I’ve read elsewhere that the limerant cycle is typically 2 years. So I’m just curious! Thanks!

@followingfenna 7 ай бұрын

It depends if you are in contact or not, grief can last a few years, limerence when in contact can stay for decades.

@tabitalykkeschou1450 5 ай бұрын

I have heard 1,5 years. My lo was some one i played Music with from 2017-2021 Then we stop playing -and i found out he had meant more to me then i knew - because i spent 1,5 year getting my Music joy again - an feeling shame for missing him……( because i am married ) a lot things happens in my life around my past traume - get activitet - relived- my moms husband dies- and i end up writting a book about my life - Lo is a part of the book ( i dont know what limerence is at this point) …. I know i have strong feelings for Lo - but thinks we Can be friends - and i really wanna play Music with him again - it did not end weel ….at least i learned a lot. I Think / hope it Will not take me so Long this time to move on- Its like i feel i have detach myself easiere this times -and i now know that it was unhealty for bout of US- i an thankful he ended - i was not strong enough. Wish him the best and thankful i Got to Sing with him. In someway i just had to go back. Do not feel that need anymore. He was in away smatter then me - he learned me a lot about relationships / love and that limerence is not love. And i am really happy with no contact - for I would not servive decades of this. I am afraid of get limerence with someone Else - i will need to learn other ways to cope in life!

@MellowBellow1 Ай бұрын

Dopamine is actually a neurotransmitter. Not a hormone. When we are in a “trauma bond” we get a dopamine “hit” when things go well. And a dopamine drain when things go wrong. And we get really low in dopamine because we don’t use other natural processes to build up dopamine ( because addiction makes the LO the “go to” for dopamine ). So you de-skill yourself by using one source. ( and that source works ). And. Being low in dopamine actually physically hurts. (Withdrawal hurts ). So the short term substitute (impulse) to go to the LO is actually to AVOID pain. So the cold Turkey others means your brain has to restore its balance of dopamine through sleep, healthy food, being with friends and family. And NOT using. ( the LO). Dopamine is not a hormone. It’s very very strong and is associated with the drive to eat/hunger. So it’s primal. And every single drug of addiction creates a dopamine hit. Or a serotonin hit. That’s it. That’s all they do. … and they are predictable, but the use is harmful to everyone.

@followingfenna Ай бұрын

Thank you for taking the time to share this! Have you read dopamine nationan? It's such an interesting book.

@MellowBellow1 Ай бұрын

@followingfennaI will check it out. Thank you.

@DempseyArnold 7 ай бұрын

Yeah! Get out of LIMERINCE Prison!

@user-wp7qk9qg6i 7 ай бұрын

it really feels like a prison

@gibbopg 7 ай бұрын

Thanks ... only remaining issue is that my LO also lives in my neighborhood and I can run into her at Doctors surgery, shopping centre etc. Of all the people to be addicted to in my company, I had to pick the one who lives, literally, around the corner from me. lol Reply

@adjeiboateng6720 7 ай бұрын

It's easier said than done. I've been like this for 16 months

@DempseyArnold 7 ай бұрын

Yes, it's awful. I get it. Mine is 8 going on 9 years and I work with them. I would love to go N.C. but that's impossible. I struggle with it constantly.

@lf9341 2 ай бұрын

I wasted so much of my life on this. I had so many nice, good looking guys, much better than LO that wanted to date me, BUT MY MIND was wasted on someone I met 17 years ago. And there were others before that.

@adjeiboateng6720 7 ай бұрын

Hi guys please help me, what do you do when you see your limerent object? Do you approach?

@followingfenna 7 ай бұрын

You avoid LO as much as possible, you avoid them like the plague always and every day. Stay far far far away.

@rebeccaabel4589 7 ай бұрын

Limerence cost me thousands l was scammed and ruined my marriage

@followingfenna 7 ай бұрын

I am so so sorry. Are you okay now?

@Max-16p 7 ай бұрын

Many of us have spent foolishly - she’s right - we have to start now.

@maryrowery80 2 ай бұрын

Hi Fenna. I cut the contact with my LO almost completely (we work together so its not possible to do it 100%). I was doing really well, not really bothered any more, no negative feelings. And now, since several nights I stared to dream about him. The dreams are sweet and make me miss him. It's really upsetting. What would you advise?

@followingfenna 2 ай бұрын

Just keep doing what you are doing, the dreams are part of the grief proces. It annoying but not much what you can do, the dreams will stop eventually. Good luck!!

@lf9341 2 ай бұрын

PLEASE DO NO CONTACT! Contact for 17 years with someone i met on vacation but we could not be together except for a few times. I wish I knew then what to do....

@followingfenna 2 ай бұрын

I'm so so sorry.