How to Easily Spot A Secure Partner 🔍❤️✨

[@ThePersonalDevelopmentSchool]

Start the new year with purpose! Experience personalized courses on avoidants, live webinars & Q&As, and more for FREE for 7 days! attachment.personaldevelopmentschool.com/dream-life?Ux_OR5RYcOA&el=youtube

[@melissam.6054]

1. Communicates in a[n] [emotionally] regulated way. 2. Willing to work through challenges. 3. Will be vulnerable. 4. Knows how to show empathy. 5. Balanced between independence and intimacy.

[@melissaoconnell5648]

💖💖💖💖💖 Yes

[@sharnamajor]

Could you please do a video on how to bring up secure kids? You brought up single parent households. I know you talk in depth about how attachment styles are formed, but I think a comprehensive video directly aimed at parents would be so valuable. As a single mum of teenagers, I'm deeply worried that it might be too late and that being single and having a couple of partners leave, has already had a negative impact. Many thanks! ❤

[@JETTSTACHI]

I told my partner what I do need and he did the complete opposite. He's now an ex.

[@MilesIncognito]

great work - congratulations!

[@HH-pj5bl]

Yassss thank you Thais, please do more secure content, we have a lot of information of what our insecurities look like😂 we need more content of how and what a secure person functions and interacts so we can learn and grow into becoming one with guidances❤

[@melissaoconnell5648]

True That!! Know how much you are not alone. Thanks for making me LoL 😂 Same for leveling up and was considering keep at it by: a.) Viewing more video content, here to integrate b.) Signing up for membership, braving the examples in the videos - because they are included 💖 c.) Sign up to get certified as a coach with Thais at PDS and/or d.) Some combination of any and all of these!! Takes time to discern where you are - to be genuine with yourself - plus recognize where the challenges repeat. Asking the questions and for the support sure helps. Thanks for putting it out there in knowing yourself and doing it with humor, too. 💖

[@719cmk]

This helps me feel better. I reached a point of exasperation and ended the relationship. I spent countless moments being the only one doing these things in my relationship. Eventually, when validating the emotion but finally setting boundaries around how they were inappropriately communicating the emotions to me, I would essentially get a response saying "you made me do it". A person can't work with that or do the work for both parties.

[@hmouaci5838]

I thought I was insecure but I seem to do what you say. incredible !

[@shahendaelmahdy6112]

I want a video about "how to rewire our mind to choose the secure ones" because we all know the right partner we should choose but keep attracted to wrong people

[@malindarayallen]

There are a lot of videos about that on the channel, but the best approach is to enroll in the personal development school. I would recommend shadow work to start. Once you rewire your relationship to self, all that misbehavior just starts to make no sense. I wish you the best.

[@shahendaelmahdy6112]

@@malindarayallen I am now taking course about beliefs programming and emotional mastery , thank you for you recommendation I will take it too

[@malindarayallen]

​@@shahendaelmahdy6112So glad I could help! There's also a playlist on this channel on how to become securely attached. I'm so excited for you!

[@___3988]

You heal yourself. Have good boundaries. Love yourself and respect yourself. Then you'll find you won't tolerate such toxic behavior. You won't spend all your time preoccupied with other people or analyzing why someone won't treat you well, you'll just remove yourself from those people.

[@malindarayallen]

@___3988 That's great advice. It's just that a lot of people need step by step guidance to heal themselves and build boundaries. Otherwise, it's like telling someone to bake a cake workout giving them a recipe.

[@Kojak-p5d]

I'd like to thank you for uploading this video when it felt I needed it. In the last year, I've been doing a lot of self-work and a few women I'd gone on dates with in the last year presented avoidant tendancies. In my old patterning, I may have continued persuing them, but instead, I had intentionally ended those relationships, framing them as incompatibility. I have since been on the lookout for someone who appears secure, has a few similar interests, and shares my values. I've got a few positive thread to follow and that's been quite exciting! But I'm thankful for you and your work, as well as various books on Attachment that I had read in recent months. So, thank you Thais!

[@beckym8245]

I have learnt so much from Thaïs over the last couple of years. So good.

[@lisalyons5381]

I do #2 to address things, #3 I can be vulnerable #4 I am learning my to set boundaries, # 5 I have really worked for this through therapy. I still am working on #1 The person I was in relationship of some sort with doesn’t do 2, 3 or 5. He puts everything under the rug and just cuts off or won’t apologize to work through things and disappears for 2 weeks. He calls me exhausting but I’m actually exhausted by him now and I’m slowly becoming quieter and moving on. I’m finding it now a waste of my energy trying to talk about things w/ him I have been a fearful avoidant but I’m slowly rewiring. I’m still scared but I am practicing

[@angelinpdx2297]

Brilliant as always! I’ll watch this again and again. 💜✨💜

[@likanihoshi]

Thank you, this video showed me, that I am, being a FA, actually trying very hard to act secure in my relationships. It's not easy for me, but it's my goal. However, my current partner acts very hurt and resentful every time I don't fulfill his needs. He acts like him fulfilling his own needs is a big problem and I should feel bad that I "made him" do it. I'm so, so tired because of it, to be honest. He's a good man, hard-working, loves my son, but this situation and all the stupid fights we have make me so sad. Yesterday he lashed at me just because I was preoccupied with thoughts about an important event in my life and forgot to put dishes in the dishwasher... God, I just want piece.

[@JacobCarlson-uq1my]

Thankyou for sharing this valuable information and knowledge.

[@Jacquelinerenees]

Thank you for this. I sent your content to a friend of mine, because I enjoy your content, and I think that she would as well. For me, I was also considered disorganized in my attachment style. But in my earned secure attachment, I definitely practice these Different attributes very well. Because I am earned secure, I still occasionally feel the feelings, but I don’t demonstrate the behavior. So for instance, if a partner tells me they can’t meet a need right away, I might feel disappointed and hurt and maybe even take it personally, if I’m running really low on energy and having a really hard time, but I don’t typicallytake it out on the person or act like it’s personal anymore.

[@naddyn685]

Very useful relationship tips..modelling the gold standard. Thank you

[@alexisb.8965]

Great content! Thanks ❤

[@100theDork]

1. Great communicator! I love words 2. Dont sleep on a bad day for me 3. Sometimes it’s easy sometimes vulnerability is hard 4. I maybe too empathetic tho 5. Yes yes yes!! Got that in spades just don’t go away ever! lol oops.

[@100theDork]

@ as I just wake up 😅 and so true! I have not been getting as much as I should be lately. Also my DA partner dumped me while I slept last night oddly enough I don’t feel a thing about it at the moment. Maybe I’ll get more sleep now 🥱

[@100theDork]

@ guess you could say I’m feeling very vulnerable today…and oddly enough spoke about vulnerability last night. Thx for speaking to me today cuz I’ll be trying to live the words you gave me, really appreciate that

[@aliciacoleman3403]

this channel rules!

[@Bulldogsrentfree-m7g]

I definitely want to see more videos on secure attachment. So many of the conclusions I came to about navigating life seem to come back to secure attachment. Also, I'd like to get the opinion of the "triggered brigade." Bulldog, where you at? 😂 That said, I do need to work on positive framing. Not because I lash out at others, but because I can ramble on explaining context. This actually got me in trouble at one point in college where the professor yelled at me and I went off on him. I guess he didn't have the patience for me to explain and I didn't have the patience for his attitude. 😂 However, after I went to his office hours and threatened him with a lawsuit he got some act right and I was able to finish the class. I should've done that from the start, lol.

[@Bulldogsrentfree-m7g]

​@WrittenMysteriesyeah, I've learned that too. I'm working on it so I can do it without getting other people agitated, which in turn gets me agitated, lol.

[@nova12332]

I love when she says And (pause) in every video lol

[@KTWang]

I can’t seem to access the course for free for life, I only see the free trial for 7 days! Any advice?

[@jdub99]

Same. The price says $0 but still asks for payment info. I shouldn't have to enter that.

[@flooatt]

My last lover was fearful avoidant. We were in an on and off relationship cycle for 2 years,as usually, hobeymoon stage of the relationship was fantastic. He gone last March . Blocked me from phone. And after months he moved to other relationship. And I think after months that relationship is going exactly like the earlier pattern. His past relationships was also like push pull relationships.I feel he will come back to me and he understand about his relationship pattern and problems. (Iam anxious person not too much clingy type , but I feel anxious when he avoid , I don't irritate or chase always typically like anxious. ). Is this my imagination or intuition?. I don't know!!! Is there any possibility? He is really a emotionally fucked up man . I can't let him go, feels like I want to grow with him for both of our better version.

[@chrismaxwell1624]

In push pull relationship it takes two both doing the push pull. You can have a person push you away then let them but not pull them back. In that case it just push

[@flooatt]

@@chrismaxwell1624 I never pushed or pulled him. He always do like that. During his anxious time he pushes me to him and during his avoidant phase he pulls away.

[@tradingrichmom]

I am: #1,2,3,5 Hence need work on: #4 when my emotions are violated My past pers. is: #2 limited, 4,5 Hence needs work on: #1,2,3

[@melissaoconnell5648]

Greetings and thank you for your videos and course content. Appreciating and enjoying your natural style and delivery for this content. Your accessible outreach for developing personal awareness within self and relationships is immensely beneficial for those who don't necessarily have access to support. I went ahead and took your quiz. For some of the answers on your quiz - I noticed there's no answer for a halfway, in the middle, 'working on it' vs. the binary of true or false. In becoming securely attached, especially with yourself - it's important to be emotionally honest with yourself and the binary answers don't necessarily allow that to reflect. Makes quiz somewhat lopsided. I was considering having answers that also reflect - 'some of time, half the time, most of the time, yet room for improvements' would feel more authentic. What if wherby answer were not just T or F, there was a middle choice button to fill in for the percentage that was true, as a potential for a more accurate reading? Don't know what others/you might think about this. Anyone else feel a bit challenged in this way. Would love to hear from you/learn more. Thank you again.

[@nadijones660]

Can someone please tell me where the needs course is? Cant find it. Thanks! ❤

[@valerielow4572]

Just go to the 7-day trial link. The trial includes the needs course.

[@RitaP41]

Wish you'd use an example of healthy Coregulation for Interdependence instead of self-soothing for all the DAs in the comments.

[@GGGG_3333]

Yo, Thais why did you stop talking about us fearful avoidants 😢