How to fight loneliness: Everyday hacks for a connected life | Juliana Schroeder | TEDxMarin

There are simple things people can do each day to help combat the epidemic of loneliness sweeping the globe. In this talk, Juliana Schroeder shares her research from the past decade on how to fight loneliness by connecting more effectively with other people.
Juliana Schroeder is a behavioral scientist who conducts research on social interaction. She holds the Harold Furst Chair in Management Philosophy and Values at UC Berkeley’s Haas School of Business, runs Berkeley’s social science laboratory, and directs the Psychology of Technology Institute.
She studies the psychological processes underlying how people think about the minds of those around them, and how their judgments then influence their decisions and interactions.Her research has been published in a wide range of academic journals and in several book chapters. It has been featured by media outlets such as The New York Times, The Washington Post, Harvard Business Review, NPR, and the Today Show. She has received funding from the National Science Foundation and awards from the Association for Psychological Science and the American Psychological Association. Juliana Schroeder is a behavioral scientist who conducts research on social interaction. She holds the Harold Furst Chair in Management Philosophy and Values at UC Berkeley’s Haas School of Business, runs Berkeley’s social science laboratory, and directs the Psychology of Technology Institute.
She studies the psychological processes underlying how people think about the minds of those around them, and how their judgments then influence their decisions and interactions. Her research has been published in a wide range of academic journals and in several book chapters. It has been featured by media outlets such as The New York Times, The Washington Post, Harvard Business Review, NPR, and the Today Show. She has received funding from the National Science Foundation and awards from the Association for Psychological Science and the American Psychological Association. This talk was given at a TEDx event using the TED conference format but independently organized by a local community. Learn more at www.ted.com/tedx

[@applesidertea]

My hack list: 1. run errands and (like she said) initiate conversation with folks while you’re out 2. turn on your favorite show from your teenage years and let it run in the background on low volume as you move about your living space 3. call your mom-she’ll always pick up 4. write a nice letter to someone over the age of 60 in your life. walk it to the mailbox and stop at Walgreens and pick up your favorite snack on the way back home 5. don’t judge the feeling. Feeling lonely is not a bad thing or a bad sign-it’s just one of may human emotions, so let the feeling come and go without judging it

[@leegalloway9508]

most people won't talk to you. i've tried to strike up conversations with random people, but they won't talk. they are either into their phones or just won't talk.

[@olaitanolayemi6955]

It's easier said than done

[@w6045555555i]

They will eventually reply if you just keep talking

[@musicskp]

More power to everyone fighting loneliness.

[@learnindonesiantoday]

Exactly! We long for genuine interaction and pure connectivity. That intimation when we talk eye to eye with people, that's what we miss a lot!

[@silvermica]

I’m in my late 50s. My birthday was a few days ago. I played myself a jazzy happy birthday song on the guitar. I have no family, no parents, no kids, no close friends, and no love. I’ve never even lived with a lover before. I'm no slouch either. I've earned my engineering degrees despite coming from an extremely poor background - and a dysfunctional family to boot. I bought a home in Silicon Valley and I'm an active musician. I know many humans from both work and music - yet, I spend every Christmas alone. If I were to disappear tomorrow only the bill collectors would notice.

[@theneighbourkid]

Are you alone by choice?

[@silvermica]

@@theneighbourkid no

[@theneighbourkid]

@silvermica You can find someone if you try. At least, that's what I believe. Have you tried dating or making friends?

[@silvermica]

@@theneighbourkid of course

[@cellostrings2522]

I’m sorry about your situation. I am in a similar position. ❤

[@PintoConrad]

Some of what she advised to do is super useful but some others are very situational. Speaking to people in the train, very hard since folks already are reading booking, listening to music or something else. Plus cultural differences, beauty of the person also makes a difference. Talking to people as someone who doesn't have good looks comes off as creepy even if the person isn't being so...

[@Celeste-in-Oz]

I expect you’re onto something there. Attractiveness bias is real. It would be interesting to know results of a similar experiment that also looked at whether perceived attractiveness had any effect on results.

[@buihoang1424]

thank you, its great when simple but gamechanging insights backed up by strong data

[@aravindr1663]

6:48 - Very useful.

[@mitdenken]

Thank you so much, this is very encouraging and helpful.

[@mikorees5853]

I thought there would be multiple hacks. But she told only two - initiate conversation, and talk not text.

[@traderjoss]

Both these things get you labelled by people as often being weird or desperate. I ignore them and still leave voicemails and initiate conversation with strangers anyway, but you do risk getting judged for it. Everyone just texts now.

[@tonyvalisky4856]

Not if you live in Japan like me. I’m from uk originally but my life in Japan is really lonely because talking to a stranger is just considered strange by most. It’s really tough.

[@nhanthanh303]

How did youtube know that I'm lonely

[@riteshshukla5605]

AI

[@thanasis.zantrimas]

It's kinda weird.

[@vickimooredotco]

Because 1 in 3 people are lonely.

[@thecore6901]

😂😂😂😂😂😂they're magicians 😂😂

[@HeyReia]

This is easier said than done. What if you have social anxiet? What if you are scared of being judged and have CPTSD from connecting with people because you had experiences of people backstabbing you, bullying you, etc.

[@Wannabe1979]

Study Stoicism and then become Stoic AF

[@virginiemazy7054]

This means that you need to tackle those first. Go see a therapist. Don’t forget the biases we all have : nobody is looking at you like you think thus don’t obsess about this / it’s not because SOME people bckstabbed you that ALL people are like that. We tend to generalise negative experiences because our brain is wired like that. You can solve it or attenuate it. Every social fear is the subjective interpretation of our brain. Good luck 💪🤗

[@JohnnyAllan-vj7sj]

Poor baby

[@vjnvisakh]

That was a beautiful video Very insightful and I totally agree that The more we try to build connections the better our life gets But I want to add to this is that we should not stop at you know Build connections and just be very involved with that single person We should keep building connections, even if we have a couple of connections already It usually happens that we build connection with someone and then we go deep into that relationships That is when the expectations and everything come in and which actually leads to disappointment and then we close ourselves Thinking that it's best to stay single and alone and away from all the society So what I want is that We have to try to find a balance between how much to talk and who to talk So a lot of things are there it's not as simple as connecting to a person you need to know who will be Reciprocating the same You know gesture to you Some people might not take it in this very sense that you want them to take it So there are a lot of learnings. It's not easy. But yes Like you said it always starts with a hello, so we should all try to connect with people The rest is up to God.

[@naumi7986]

loneliness is very disturbing and eats from inside I've been dealing with it its very very dangerous

[@corbinwantland7669]

Excellent information!

[@vjnvisakh]

I like the part where you did that experiment on the commuter train where you where I guess you asked couple of people to randomly talk to other people and to see how many will reciprocate the same behavior. We all want to do this thing but I guess after a certain age it becomes very difficult to do this stuff. So this we all are very shy to act on this and all of us do want to you know like talk to each other but it's always a question that who will initiate the conversation. So we get stuck over there.

[@ThePortalTheory]

After listening to Mr. Ballen talk about the strange dark and mysterious.....i choose "avoid" 😅

[@vjnvisakh]

I feel the best way to handle loneliness is by becoming busy at stuff. You know, the main part of loneliness is because people are more distracted these days. They are focusing on too many things and then they end up losing a lot of time. And this wastage of time is what actually makes them feel that they have lost a significant portion of their lives.

[@Hegelshome]

What about those who have chronic pain and don’t take the train, are in their house, and who try not to run errands due to fear of falling on ice? FaceTime….sometimes helps, sometimes doesn’t. Meaningful friendships (even if only one), can help with feeling lonely. I won’t use the word “combat” loneliness, as this again implies a “battle” strategy, much like “fighting” cancer. Not everybody wants to fight, esp. as one ages.

[@Solem-jg8vq]

Well said

[@binduaji]

It was very helpful

[@shyampopat8280]

Hello, It was really very helpful😇

[@krembryle]

I mean what if others don't want to socialize with me? What if I just sit there awkwardly, not knowing what to say?

[@gorkemgenc344]

go ask some questions then move on with conversation starters

[@olayinkaowoseni6212]

Reach out to them first. That's what I do. I feel like I'm invisible to people sometimes, but once I initiate conversation, things really pick up.

[@HeyReia]

I was thinking the same thing

[@Wtalkry4]

super good word

[@AdamLeipzigMedia]

Brilliant!

[@vjnvisakh]

I am a little curious on that statistics part where you mentioned that loneliness is equivalent to smoking 15 cigarettes a day. I wanted to understand what is the science behind it. I know that you did not say that and you are quoting the fact from somewhere else, but I am really curious to understand what that is.

[@harryhoesch3793]

Wait until you age and lose sight and hearing, then see if you'd have so many answers.

[@vjnvisakh]

Loneliness is actually becoming a big problem these days.

[@BA-li5yn]

super helpful

[@corrinthe]

I do it's horrendous just so painful

[@rupasingh-m5o]

i mean what if others don't want to socialize with me

[@HeyReia]

Easier said than done right?

[@ireneiraba5192]

love it

[@kdsagar4570]

I need a life partner, where are you??? Save me...

[@applesidertea]

I feel you Exactly

[@virginiemazy7054]

Nobody will save you but yourself 😊 and that is good news because you already have the person who will save you. Cherish you and treat you well. Then try to find a partner with curiosity in mind. Check the channel of Matthew Hussey. Lots of tips and food for thought there.

[@wholiddleolme476]

Well you don't need a PhD to figure all that out. Just some bloody common sense which, isn't so common anymore. And round and round we go again a self perpetual society of loneliness, like a mouse on a wheel cage running but going nowhere, or people on a treadmill running a road to nowhere and paying someone else for the privilege of it.

[@DPE1106]

It sounds terrible just reading from a Power point screen....

[@carloslemos6919]

Small talk to cure loneliness? Really?

[@richardlindberg9700]

I didn’t find this very helpful. It’s interesting research results, but not really anything new to those of us that are truly lonely. It suggests things so obvious that it is insulting. This is just my opinion, but I think others will agree

[@corrinthe]

Omg ...do not sit near me on train please 😅

[@tastenspieler5078]

Juliana Schroeder, you have no idea how loneliness feels. You have never been rejected by men, never ever. You have no idea what loneliness feels like. Stop talking!

[@nehalnagib3783]

معلش❤

[@mariaantoniettamontella9173]

👏

[@ufc_zaif]

Hehe😂