How to Fix an Anxious-Avoidant Relationship

[@greenmint-99]

You don't 'fix' a relationship, you can only fix yourself. As a result of that, your relationship might get fixed as well if you're lucky.

[@BlessedLifeMI]

At the beginning of my marriage I remember being less into my wife. She often complained that I didn’t want to kiss her etc. eventually I let my heart open and gave into her. After that, she has pulled away ever since. It’s really confusing situation that I struggled to navigate but this video hit the nail right on the head. She left with our 3 month old baby but if it ever given another chance I will undoubtedly be referring to this video step by step

[@mkvrtgo]

Misinterpreting signals are so true

[@ItsJustDerek-99]

I was in this type of relationship and she recently broke it off with me. Didn't even try to fix it, just told me it was over, I'm hurt and feeling more strong emotions than I've ever felt before.

[@dbdz9736]

One of the worst things a man can have is to be anxiously attached because it steers away from the image of masculinity in society and sometimes I wish I was an avoidant.

[@vickysharma-gl6gv]

So True

[@jakobsievers]

I'm an anxiously attached man. I can only speak from my own experience but for me it has helped tremendously to just dismantle the societal expectations of masculinity within me and instead accept fully who I am as a person. I am an emotional person who needs friends to be able to go into an emotional space when I need to talk about my feelings. So I just surround myself with people who welcome that. This DOES mean that 70-80% of my friends are women, but I can't change society as a whole or it's programming on everyone else. I can only change who I surround myself with. Perhaps an important sidenote of this is that by ensuring that emotional safe space within me, I am every bit as comfortable as anyone else, leaning into my more traditional masculine traits. So I guess what I'm saying is that by accepting who you are and surrounding yourself with people who get that, you are able to be more authentic, which is ALSO a masculine trait. Just my own experience😊

[@strryle125]

To be real with you I think being with an avoidant person makes you feel anxious even when you’re pretty secure otherwise. For me next time I notice I’m getting into something with an avoidant I’m probably just going to leave because I’m done with people who run away. I recommend you do the same - avoidant attachment issues absolutely destroy relationships due to lack of communication and sometimes lack of empathy.

[@jakobsievers]

@strryle125 I agree with the part that the avoidant attachment style can, if not create, then at least exacerbate an underlying tendency to become anxious in another person. I think of these styles more as states on a continuum than as clearly defined boxes. Meaning that when people say they are secure, they are probably mostly secure, yes, but at the edges there's a bit of anxiousness and avoidant in even them too. And so if, say, a secure meets up with a strongly avoidant, it may push them more into that anxious space. That's kinda what I suspect happened with me and my ex. We started out both around the middle but she leaned slightly avoidant and I slightly anxious. And over time, we bounced off of each other in a negative feedback loop until I became strongly anxious and she strongly avoidant. So I think these tendencies are definitely maleable to the kind of people we choose.

[@kevinhornbuckle]

You aren’t going to fix anyone but yourself. Show openness to intimacy if you get the sense she is somewhat interested. If she is non-responsive, move on.

[@Liljah.20thst]

Omfg bro u really helping me understand myself and that's what my ex girl was saying.

[@MB-ec1pw]

Currently in relationship like this. Me avoidant she anxious. We broke up last week, but still living together

[@RugbyLeagueHistory]

Do you think that someone who was in a bad relationship/a relationship with a narcissist can become a fearful avoidant because of that?. My girlfriend has a lot of characteristics of a fearful avoidant, she can be very hot and cold with me. I think the good thing for me is she has told me she recognises these behaviours and doesn't intentionally do them, she just "has her guard up" as she puts it.

[@sarj5070]

nice vid

[@benjaminlyew_jj]

What if you’re a disorganized attachment style leaning avoidant and sometimes secure

[@NateStice]

Reupload?

[@oambitiousone7100]

What would you call a person who is open about positive feelings, but has a hard time talking about needs. I think I am anxious, but I frankly have always struggled with being upfront when it might create tension.

[@the_SirBEE]

Youre most likely avoidant, probably fearful avoidant

[@peterpistazie669]

I don’t know from what I’ve learned it’s a common trait of anxious people to be afraid of talking about their needs. I recommend no more Mr. Nice guy from Dr. Glover as it sounds a bit like nice guy Syndrom

[@RugbyLeagueHistory]

I think you might be an avoidant.

[@naddyn685]

Invaluable video. Thank you

[@marinabakopoulou8695]

You said nothing about the avoidants' needing efforts to fix the relationship . Does it mean that they can do nothing to improve themselves?

[@PavelsAndrejevs]

Man, I thought you'd speak about Anxious Avoidant as opposed to Dismissive Avoidant. A confusion here.

[@pavschodyko6531]

Cannot be fixed - that’s the sad and only truth

[@dbdz9736]

It can but it is dependant on the willingness to work. 6 months or a few years is not enough to change the people we were before we met our partners, decades of damage cannot be reverses with a few months work. Also, we were anxious folks like me more often than not are willing to do the work but the avoidants are more likely to refuse to do the work because they think we are the problem.

[@pavschodyko6531]

@ that’s right, I forgot to add that caveat. Ppl choose easier way though. With all that ‘look after yourself, me me’ rhetoric, the willingness to work is excused by that. Just jump the ship, life’s too short etc. It requires a massive effort to forget about egos and not projecting your own past onto a partner. But best of luck and persistence to all who are trying ❤️