How to get over your fear of being seen (THE SPOTLIGHT EFFECT) (stop caring if random men fancy you)

[@bwavengers3544]

“ you don’t owe men beauty” is insane because thats how i and so many women think subconsciously.

[@alessiasutherberry]

I completely get you. The pressure to look attractive, especially through the lens of the male gaze, is everywhere in our society, and it’s something so many of us feel on a deep level.

[@dumbtch-lk5yr]

it’s horrible to experience this but also nice to know that other women are experiencing this too and i’m not alone

[@alessiasutherberry]

you are certainly not alone my love, we get you ❤❤❤

[@reefermadnness]

this video couldn't have come at a better time, thank you so much.

[@alessiasutherberry]

aw thank you girly for reaching out 🥹💛

[@gesines6659]

I definitely as a girl think a lot about what others think of me and experience the spotlight effect sometimes when I go out. I have noticed that many of my girlfriends experience this as well and are more conscious/ worried about how they look and are perceived than my friends who are boys. I really want to unlearn this behavior though and just have the freedom again to be who I want to be without overthinking in public. Thank you for the reminder ❤️

[@alessiasutherberry]

I've noticed the same thing my lovely. Especially in younger women or those my age. I have so much faith in you-it’s clear that you genuinely want to live without this fear of being seen. I know you’ll overcome it because you’re clearly ready for change. 💗💗

[@Nopenonameok]

Your videos feel like a warm hug. 🥹

[@alessiasutherberry]

aw that is such a lovely thing to say 🥰💗 thank you! xxxxx

[@Vinnie-o2x]

I had that sensation when I was having my spiritual awakening but, you have got to understand that you are a beauteous prospect to not be seen. Maybe there are spirits, and souls of people around looking at you to know what you do. When you get concerned about someone you develop and hyper-empathy so that your soul separates from your body. A merely dream.

[@joj-tt6ht]

I think we should accept ourselves and know that we are pefect being imperfect ❤

[@alessiasutherberry]

aw, what a lovely sentiment ❤❤❤❤❤❤

[@reefermadnness]

I’m watching this on a beautiful Portland Maine sunset walk right now, and I just wanted to say this video truly helped me. I’ve been experiencing this “spotlight effect” for as long as I can remember, and as I was listening to you I challenged myself to actually look up and pay attention to the scenery, birds, etc. when I picked my head up someone actually pointed out my shirt. Every time I go outside (especially on a walk by myself), my mind makes me believe everyone is watching me and they’re scrutinizing my every move, when I reality they’re just going about their day. Realizing this made me so much more grounded and confident.

[@alessiasutherberry]

Wow your walk sounded beautiful! 💗 Thank you for sharing your experience with me my lovely. I totally resonate with everything you said. Go you for challenging yourself and for looking up! I bet you saw some beautiful things!🥰 Proud of you! 🩵✨

[@bahar6387]

Thank you so much for this video. It came to me when i needed it the most. I wasn't aware other women felt the same. I am so self conscious it strips me from being my authentic, joyful self. Your advice to look outward is very useful. I am so glad I live in a time where beautiful people like you can help empower women and we can grow to be stronger and stronger together. Sending you love from Belgium ❤

[@alessiasutherberry]

Aw my love thank you for your comment. You are an absolute sweetheart.❤ And you are not alone - we get you. I hope you gradually find your joyful self again!🥹 Sending love back to you in Belgium xxx

[@oldfashionedsoul]

About 2 years ago first heard about the spotlight effect and realised I’ve been struggling with it for all my life. Although internally I understand people don’t care about me, seems like they are watching after all. Your video popped up in my recommendations just about time for me. Thank you for such great explanation and tips! P.s. chirping of birds in the background is so relaxing and calming 🕊️😌

[@alessiasutherberry]

Absolutely, I get where you’re coming from. It’s one thing to know people are busy with their own concerns, but it’s another to actually turn off that feeling of being in the spotlight. Even when we remind ourselves, it can be really challenging to shake that sense of being watched or judged. Thank you for sharing with me and for your kindness my lovely 🥰😘❤💗

[@thenewparagraph7312]

I love your voice. You should definitely post these videos as a podcast as well or just do your own thing!!!!

[@alessiasutherberry]

aw thank you so so much lovely - I am seriously considering it at the moment ❤❤❤

[@diosa-santa]

Wow love the connection to music and the self and spotlight effect. Love your mind! ❤

[@alessiasutherberry]

@@diosa-santa This is the sweetest comment ever!! 🥹💘💚 thank you for making my day xxxxx

[@Vinnie-o2x]

It took me a long while to overcome to feel observed, but I realised I was yearning to come across with some people I wasn't meant to.

[@Perspectives_beyond]

Big sistaa posted!!!❤Off topic, but you're sooo prettty in this video😭

[@rosemariesmith3555]

Isn’t it interesting- I thought the same thing. Is it because she’s being seen in this video to teach us how to be seen? She’s stunning! 💖 thanks for this video btw ✨

[@alessiasutherberry]

Heyyyy lovely 🥹😘💗 You are so so sweet and kind. Thank you for your compliment! xxxxxx

[@alessiasutherberry]

@@rosemariesmith3555 Thank you so much for watching and for your sweet words! 💖🌸

[@christine4269]

Thank you, esp. for the big sister energy. I appreciate it immensely. :)

[@alessiasutherberry]

aw my love you are moreeee than welcome 😘😘🥹🥹💛💛

[@velvetyblue]

Thank you so much for this video! Love your energy btw, it makes me feel calm and safe

[@alessiasutherberry]

you have made my day with this comment 🥰💕🥹💛

[@LunaMorgan1111]

Thank you so much for sharing your wisdom with the world! What you're doing for me and so many others is truly so valuable 🌟❤

[@EvangeK-v2b]

U are SERVERLY UNDERATED

[@alessiasutherberry]

aw thank you so so much lovely! 🥰🥰🥰

[@marinaalmeida6693]

The song analysis was incredible! I'm gonna listen to other songs when I'm outside or no music at all! 🔑❤

[@alessiasutherberry]

Aw I am so so glad you liked it. It was actually my favourite bit to film and discuss. I really appreciate your comment (and go you)!❤🥰😘

[@marinaalmeida6693]

@alessiasutherberry 💕

[@Vazecrow]

Im a guy i recently noticed this effecf on me its usually resulted from my parents as i find my self unconsciously trying to be the perfect behaved child for them because i didn't want to be seen as too much or troublesome like my other 4 siblings . And i got rewarded for it most cases. However, i didn't put in consideration that it will affect me in public spaces , im always attached to my identity and aware of my flaws because of my mother cold and critical relationship where she points my flaws immediately or tell me dont act like this be like this etc. But i rebel against that ofc hehe but still, when i was younger i got made fun of because i had acne that i did not know how it happened to me it just did. But now its a bit cured or small in comparison to when i was 13 15. Anyway i sometimes find people looking at me and think oh they probably looking at my acne and pity me or judge my lack of hygiene. Its stuff like that but im better at it now and just say who cares love urself these people really dont have a life if they put their whole day just to judge me lol

[@alessiasutherberry]

Thank you so much for sharing this with me. ❤ It sounds like you've had to carry a lot of pressure, especially with trying to be the "perfect" child and dealing with a critical relationship with your mum. It's totally understandable that those things affect how you see yourself now (families opinions of us are really hard to shake). ❤ Good on you for being so open and honest about your struggles - you should be proud of yourself. ❤

[@vgnsofia]

I needed to hear this! That study is so interesting and reassuring xxxx

[@alessiasutherberry]

@@vgnsofia aw thank you so much Sof ❤️❤️❤️❤️

[@minimalou_yt]

Hi Alessia! 🍃 I would love to know what are your thoughts on women fighting patriarchy but dressing for the male gaze, for example Emrata. Saying « I’m not just a body » but 90% of the time posting herself naked? For example, for me not dressing for the male gaze is what I do since a few years : finally letting go of the « need » to wear makeup, to dress cute and sexy for example, now I’m wearing oversized clothes most of the time, with no makeup and I’ve been attracting so much more healthier people / men in my life. And feeling in my power. And I’m so grateful for that. So yeah, I would love to know what are your thoughts on the subject 😌

[@alessiasutherberry]

Hey my lovely 🥰❤ Thank you so much for sharing your experience and for such a thought-provoking question. 💛I totally understand where you’re coming from. It sounds like dressing in a way that feels authentic and not aimed at the “male gaze” has brought a sense of empowerment and helped you attract more genuine people (men). I bet that has been lovely to experience. When it comes to women, like Emrata, who speak against patriarchy but post images that cater to the male gaze, I can see how that is contradictory. But personally, I believe my energy is better spent challenging patriarchy itself, rather than judging women. Predominately critiquing how women engage with feminism, rather than addressing how men treat us or questioning the structures of patriarchy, can feel counterproductive to me. I'd love to hear your thoughts on this my lovely! I really appreciate you asking me this. It's something I've thought about in depth before 🥰 xx Lots of love xx

[@joj-tt6ht]

I love this video so much

[@alessiasutherberry]

thank you so so much for sharing lovely ❤☺🥰

[@JadesDiaries]

Needed this! ❤

[@alessiasutherberry]

💛😘💗

[@miyane447]

love this video so much. unfortunately i do catch myself wanting to look good and ´perfect´ all the time

[@alessiasutherberry]

we all get you and relate ❤❤❤❤ sending you lots of love

[@luisamarie801]

Thanks for your video!❤ How did you overcome the fear of being seen online? Especially in the beginning of your youtube journey?

[@alessiasutherberry]

Oh wow, what a great question (thank you so so much for asking). 💗💗 You know, I’ve always found posting online to be incredibly freeing. I think it’s because, online, I can fully be myself without having to see anyone’s immediate facial or body reactions. From the safety of my own home, I get to share the most authentic version of myself. Before KZbin, I posted a lot on Instagram, and I always found it fascinating to explore who I wanted to be in the world through visual content. So, starting on KZbin felt pretty natural-though my fear of being seen did come up, I was mostly excited to put myself out there in my own way. Sharing my honest opinions online has been such a rewarding experience for me. Thanks again for asking my love. Sending a big hug your way 💘💘💘

[@luisamarie801]

Thank u❤​@@alessiasutherberry

[@annabelwigs]

Omg LOVEEEE THIS Angel!! so inspiring ✨🙌♥️🌸✨🥰♥️🥰♥️🌸♥️🌸✨

[@cristinachaliandroi1369]

Enjoy the starting

[@alessiasutherberry]

thank you my love 🥰

[@cristinachaliandroi1369]

I wanted to write starring becauce y talking about starring but i guess starting sounds good too

[@cynthiatogggle]

i dont owe men a response or explaintion. i dont owe men my thoughts. i dont owe men my future i dont owe men my family

[@marwaaboelftoh6478]

بحبك ❤

[@alessiasutherberry]

Love you ❤❤❤❤

[@MagisterialVoyager]

❤❤❤

[@alessiasutherberry]

🥰💕

[@MagisterialVoyager]

@@alessiasutherberry thank you so much for this. i suspect i'm neurodivergent and i move differently to most people where i live (i also have almost cartoonishly long legs, so sitting comfortably is difficult, sob sob) and i tend to feel too self-conscious, but this is really helpful. thank you.

[@alessiasutherberry]

@@MagisterialVoyager You're so welcome! It sounds like you're being so thoughtful and patient with yourself, which is so beautiful and important. 💗💗 I can understand how challenging it must be to feel different in spaces where others seem to fit in more easily. I hope you know that you deserve comfort and to feel at ease, just as much as anyone else. 💗💗💗

[@Nina-ko3hv]

The audio sounds fabulous Alessia🤍 hope you have a great rest of your day/evening

[@alessiasutherberry]

Aw thanks lovely 💕💕💕💕 I hope you are well and having a peaceful day

[@vgnsofia]

I LOVE THIS! You're the best big sis I never had 🤍

[@alessiasutherberry]

@@vgnsofia 🥹🥹🥹🥹🧡🧡🧡🧡 I could say the same to you!