How to Handle RUDE People Like a BOSS: 3 Psychological Tricks

[@sherryberry5811]

Grey rock is simply not responding. Being as interactive as a rock. Very good strategy.

[@mkxv1]

This is nothing more than giving the silent treatment, which is very childish and can jeopardize your position at work, SPECIALLY if it involves your boss. You will be percieved as someone who can't handle difficult situations and lacks maturity. I had a colleague that did this whenever she was called out on her mistakes and it was aggravating sitting in the same office with her. She eventually got fired, so pick your battles wisely.

[@angelavore6705]

Yes grey rock invented by the deer

[@sherryberry5811]

@@mkxv1 that could totally be the situation if you literally didn’t reply. I’m thinking at work, it would maybe look more professional. Like giving a simple reply but minimal not elaborate. Not engaging with someone who says insulting things. That kind of thing.

[@doreen7029]

It’s a practice that’s extremely rude and provoking…

[@sherryberry5811]

@@doreen7029 normally I would totally agree. Such as in a business situation. Only, in a personal situation it’s sometimes the only option. An example would be dealing with a narcissist. Then, one can never ‘win’. Arguing would be feeding the fire. So best to just walk away.

[@vivianeprudentiabuelens9142]

DIRECT COMMUNICATION ! Like it 😊 13:07

[@jennt9924]

Grey Rock is a method you would use in a situation that creates a boundary between you and the other person. Therapist recommend using these types of coping skills to deal with people who have narcissistic personalities. Grey rock is to reduce the harm of an abusive situation. Grey rock essentially is to not give someone the fuel to use against in different circumstances. For instance if your in an abusive relationship: You purposefully act unresponsive towards them, so that you are not giving them the emotional feedback that the abuser is looking for. Its helps someone stay grounded, respond vs react and to stay neutral in bad situations. It also helps the non abuser to stay in control of their emotions as well.

[@glenbateman5960]

My favorite method is just to silently stare at them with a flat affect. If you can do it without blinking for five minutes or so it really makes them obviously uncomfortable. Works best with other people in the room who begin to notice their growing discomfort. They don't usually do it twice.

[@lizzchoate]

Grey rock means you're responding in a very boring manner or disengaging altogether without explanation. It is effective against narcissistic types because it's no fun to torture a soul who plays dead & doesn't feed into the drama that narcissists are looking for❤

[@TheWizardOfWords]

Now this is something we have to discuss during a live--again--please check your email, Lizzie :) :)

[@010101Be]

Good explanation. I was surprised Dan hadn’t heard of it. We use that term in psychology. Dan is just very intuitive on his own. Think of it as the opposite of a “mood ring” which changes color and outwardly displays the effective change of your temp. & mood. Easy to read. Narcs, and people looking for a ‘rise’, feed off of your reactions. Grey rock shows no change, regardless of their attitudes, actions, or exposure.

[@TheWizardOfWords]

As I've said many times, 01, I learn a great deal from those around me! BTW, there is a reason Lizzie gave such a good explanation. Stay tuned the first Tuesday in June--7:00 Chicago time in the evening--and you'll meet Lizzie.

[@010101Be]

@@TheWizardOfWords Will Do! 😉 Love your videos, Dan. ❣️

[@michele0324]

There's also Yellow Rock which Gray Rock lite. :)

[@annewilliams5715]

I love your insight and coaching! You are adorable! It took me a lifetime to learn to say no and set boundaries because as it turns out I’m an empath, life is better now and I’m not a doormat anymore 😊

[@TheWizardOfWords]

That is great to hear, Anne, and I hope you subscribed and then pressed "join" to become a KZbin member on my channel.

[@thenarcninja]

As an abuse survivor advocate and educator I want to voice in on the grey rock convo. Abuse survivors who are still healing may be in what is called a hyper-reactive state. Think of how tender a fresh flesh wound is and you start to get the picture. Abusers love and feed off of this hyper-reactive state because it feeds their illness with a special stimuli that also releases an apothecary of brain hormones. Picking a fight for these sorts is the same as that first hit for a drug addict. Going grey rock simply means slowly being less reactive and effusive and becoming more responsive and neutral. This is what I call communication self-defense and done properly it make you slowly become less fun to bother with. It's like everything is meh. Not happy or sad, just flat. Predatory and exploitative people are easily bored it's part of the sociopathic profile. I even coach people to slow their breathing and speech way down and practice responses that don't feed the narcissist one drop of narc supply. Just as flat and boring as a piece of cardboard. My once caveat here is to start quite slowly with this transition because if you are dealing with a predator, going full grey rock out of nowhere could be quite escalating to the polarity with someone you really don't want to escalate. I hope this was helpful.

[@TheWizardOfWords]

Narc, it was very helpful. Would you email me please at [e-mail]? Thank you :)

[@RubyJay_]

All that you stated is accurate and relatable. Thank you for solidifying that for me.

[@LeaMessenger]

Excellent… I DK where I got this but I’ve done this on a number of occasions with bullies. I just clam up and breathe… I go on this cool as a cucumber mode… And I simply walk away looking calm but inside I am like WTF just happened.

[@thenarcninja]

Hi Dan! Love your content and am just seeing this message. How'd I miss this? No clue. Thank you for all you do. I will be emailing you shortly.😊 @TheWizardOfWords @@TheWizardOfWords

[@CorinneDavis-g3c]

I do this. I survived some pretty horrible attacks and came out the winner. I have a very short fuse these days. I seriously buy plates and throw them against trees. It’s by a landfill so don’t get on me about the environment which is omg Missouri. I’m least of our problems.

[@SarahRejsa-oi6bq]

I was treated rude by a co-worker today. I probably didn't handle it right. I just pretended that it didn't bother me and I laughed it off and joked around about it. But what was said really bothered me. Now tomorrow I will probably not talk to that person at all or just the bare minimum , or I might be passive aggressive. Most likely I will be extremely quiet . I tend to just shut down.

[@cindycox9496]

Don't put up with it.i did for yrs it made me very sick.stand up to them

[@cupidok2768]

Did u use the video's strategies and worked?

[@SarahRejsa-oi6bq]

@@cupidok2768 Hi Cupid. Thanks. This was from a long time ago. I am a different person now . I don't let people and issues bother me at work anymore. I am of the midset that I live in a loving universe and that there are no obstacles or problems at work. Just illusions . I handle things as they arise professionaly, and life is good. ♥️

[@cupidok2768]

@@SarahRejsa-oi6bq which strategies did u use

[@SarahRejsa-oi6bq]

@@cupidok2768 Dan presents 3 strategies in this video. The strategy that I use on a regular basis in fact is TACTIC #2 SURRENDER. It works like a charm and it makes you a team player. It's being submissive to other people at work, which is not a negative thing because you do it of your own free will. You demonstrate to people that although you don't agree, you trust them and you are going to go along with them and their ideas for the best interest of the team. Of course there are exceptions such as being asked to do something against the company or something illegal. But Tactic #2 Surrender, is the best . But you do preface it with some version of "Although I don't agree......"😃💖

[@lizzchoate]

Great content, Dan!! I love your work.

[@TheWizardOfWords]

I just sent you an email, Lizzie. Please look for it :)

[@vivianeprudentiabuelens9142]

HUMOR IS A GREAT COMMUNICATION TOOL IF WELL USED YOU ARE GOOD YES ❤ 1:20

[@cwwmillwork]

This is helpful. It helped me with one manager to use the phrase, "I trust your judgement". He really improved. There's another manager i'm still struggling with who is directly insulting every time I succeed, he berates me with very vague statements (everyone hates you, you need to work on your communication skills, you sound authoritative when you tell us we ran out of supplies, etc but you do a good job).

[@spice8831]

You have such a generous nature how u share yr wisdoms. Thank you sincerely.

[@TheWizardOfWords]

You are welcome, and thank you.

[@pinkchilldivestmentor]

Yes, great video Gray rock online is also blocking people no response just block. No gossip about them no tiddle tattle just block.

[@laughingmatters2308]

Dear Dan, My boss respects me (in person) but also thows our entire team under the bus. Please advise? Cheers to you! Also, how do I join? I’ve been looking for a ‘join’ button

[@YonaLove143]

It’s spatial awareness issues. Most children who have this issue are on the spectrum and not all parents catch that so the carry this issue into their adulthood. I love your page. Thank you for your assistance.

[@laureenprice8123]

Thank you for doing these videos. What should I say to a boss that habitually insults my intelligence? i find myself always trying to make him wrong. Sometimes he is very nice to me as if he wants to confuse me. I never see him insulting anyone elses intelligence. Thank you for the help.

[@TheWizardOfWords]

"I know you're joking Mr. Boss, because you'd never hire a person of low intelligence because that would call your judgment into question--wouldn't it?" Of course you smile as you say this.

[@nafficham7903]

You!re amazing, l learn so much from you. At this moment off time a dealing with a rude boss who has been harassing me and l made a formal complaint to HR . What’s your advise

[@TheWizardOfWords]

Naffi, have you pressed the "join" button and become a member? I am happy to answer the YT questions of YT members. Please let me know.

[@nezuminora9528]

This reminds me of Phoebe on Friends "I'd love to help but I don't want to."

[@TheWizardOfWords]

Hahahaha, yes--exactly.

[@evka24]

😂

[@dayc801]

You sir, are a clever communicator. So because of that and because I truly enjoy your videos aaand because you have a cult like following in my home... Even with the soo cool teenagers. I have heard them using your teachings talking with their friends. I have also heard, more than once, one of them say to the others "in the words of the wizard ----" And "I could have handled that better lets watch Dan's video on ---- again" and my personal favorite "three second look, trixy are you trying to, is that what you are trying to do trixy" (less amusing when they say it to me lol) oh and my favorite favorite is to hear them quote you with, "well that may be but". so, here's to you and here's one for the algorithm. Beautiful, Effectivve, appreciated, subtle and teenager approved. *insert exaggerated teenager eye roll here*

[@TheWizardOfWords]

Well that was probably the most affirming post I have ever received and I thank you MIGHTILY for it. I just may have to post it on my website and everywhere else for many reasons, not the least of which would be that your teenagers haven't noticed what a relic I am. (Please send them to the oldest videos; they may never figure it out.). Since the mess of this world will hopefully be cleaned up by today's teenagers--I hope to God they're savvy, strong, loving, compassionate and always mindful in their communication, realizing that you can be effective and respectful at the same time. And the 2 most important things I hope they take away from watching my videos or taking my training--1. The opposite of weakness is love and 2. There is nothing that you have to say that you can't say in a loving way. Thanks for writing, Dayc--and boy do I know those eye rolls. Sadly, so does my mother.

[@carolinemarshall8782]

If only they tried peoples suggestions before dismissing them at meetings,if they dont work,then they just dont work.But least you have been listened to Thank you

[@alabaster2163]

Grey rock is emotionless. Matter of fact response. Very short and to the point and discourages any further inner actions by becoming boring and uninteresting as well as cold and hard. Narcy McNarckerton communities use it frequently. I can not recall the origins of the method though. It is highly effective. Even through text. Someone writes you a novel via text message, you would respond with: ok. Or wait 3 days to respond with: oh, just saw this now. Sending them a clear and calculated message that you indeed are NOT paying them the instant gratification and attention they are seeking. I recommend to anyone who is dealing with someone who just needs to sit with themselves and learn to be OK with not being ok.

[@TheWizardOfWords]

Excellent!

[@moneropete]

@@TheWizardOfWords or you could just read the text and respond like a normal human. C-levels to SHOVE females into management because no one actually likes working for them, mostly because you bring your feminist dating techniques into the personnel interactions. "oh wait 3 days to respond so they know you aren't paying them instant gratification" are you talking about a tinder date or an employee? jesus christ

[@vivianeprudentiabuelens9142]

Yeah you are right 80/20 rule ! 😊 5:51

[@kitty2doggyMeow]

is personal space disrespecting, a sign of mental illness?

[@TheWizardOfWords]

No.

[@Ida-Adriana]

Autism and even mental illness CAN cause spatial awareness issues. My mother had schizophrenia and had this at the times of ‘active’ illness.

[@vivianeprudentiabuelens9142]

You are great in communicating skills 😊 8:11

[@katherinegaston5229]

People over stepping personal space: Extended and shake hand but then grasp it with the other hand continuing to shake and not letting go. Give intense eye contact and if you feel tug back pull in slightly said no wait there was one other thing I needed your help on …. Also if ever a self defense situation it allow you to diagonally step across, pulling arms overhead and run out the exit with aggressor on the floor. People tend to stay away after and it was only a friendly handshake, right? If aggressor, you have a head start and element of surprise. A bit of crazy double down trumps personal space boundary disrespect.

[@supaspydamn]

👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽

[@Simplicityandkindness]

You should make a KZbin video on this.

[@MeganMingler]

Dan O’Connor for president! 👍🥰👏

[@TheWizardOfWords]

At least one candidate wouldn't be hurling insults. That might be a refreshing change :)

[@MandieMeekhof1977]

You are saving my life right now! Thank you so very much for what you do💪❤

[@TheWizardOfWords]

Happy to help, Amanda. :)

[@YM---]

💜

[@SarahRejsa-oi6bq]

🤣😂😃 Oh yeah, the grey rock! That was back when I was biding my time and planning my exit strategy from a gaslighting supervisor. I even found a grey rock on the ground and picked it up, and carried it around in my pocket with me as a reminder. I don't think grey rocking is the healthiest thing to do, but you use it when you are done and you just need to bide your time before you get out . In Energy Vampire Slaying, you mentioned a personality type towards the end of your book that you even said you should get away from that person, and you even offered a phone number for help. I don't remember what you called that personality type, but you said it was bad and abuse and to get away from them. Can you remind me what the name of that personality type was? That is when you use grey rock and get out when you can get another job. I have to be careful what I say, really careful, because it's a small world out there. But a woman supervisor fit that category like a cookie mold. I reported her to HR. It turns out I was not the ONLY one who was treated this way by this supervisor. Others made reports to HR, and others even quit because of her. Anybody else you world never want to grey rock because it shuts off communication and it ruins relationships whether it be at work, or in your personal life . Because it's not communication. I stumbled across what it was when I was searching for answers. Before I found Dan, I found a guy called Marat from Emotion . He talked about what grey rock was and when to use it . Then I found Dan who is the best. 💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖

[@TheresaBell-kh7ek]

I love this video I’m a new supervisor and she thinks I’m supposed to do her job I’m learning how to say that’s not my job which means a big fat No.

[@ChanteSwanepoel]

Is there a way you could help me i struggle to say no and people always walk over me

[@TheWizardOfWords]

Check out my YT channel for how to say NO.

[@ritafong8587]

Love all your videos!

[@staciocasio9440]

An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure lol! I got you man. I say that all the time in the health care world.

[@cindycox9496]

My thumbs up kept going down. But it's an up from me

[@Sentientdreamer]

Gray rock is about dealing with narcissistic behaviors.

[@Simplicityandkindness]

But what if they want to fight you and you can't get away? Then what.

[@susanwoodcarver]

You are so effing smart! I absolutely love your brain. You almost make me wish I was not retired because my life would’ve been so much easier if I knew you back in the day. I am not kidding. Everything you say is right on point. OMG! Sending you hugs and love. Really, really!

[@TheWizardOfWords]

Well thank you Susanwoodcarver. Please consider pressing that "join" button and becoming a member of my YT channel.

[@inspiredinlife1]

Im dealing with a rude, loud accusing boss. She always has to tell me about something I did wrong, even when it was actually her fault. She questions me in a patronising way. Petty things. It's so annoying, upsetting and tiring. I know my capablities and she's just been a bully. I'm a hardworking person and it's a known fact at my workplace. It seems like I keep meeting up with this sort of trouble at work.All these different characters and I have to study what to say to them. The middle management are incompetent. They assume they know who you are and treat you that way. I will however continue to work well. Keep it professional. I'm a religious person and I will incorporate and continue my praying lifestyle. I truly believe in the POWER of prayer to change situations. I have a Father who cares about me. I decree and declare Scriptures: The Lord will go with me and fight for me against my enemies. Deut 20:4. (As the Lord shut the mouths of the lion's to defend Daniel and the other two.) He will shut the mouths of the lion's in my den too, because I belong to Him, bought with a price. It is a fearful thing to fall in the hands of God.

[@TheWizardOfWords]

I would suggest continuing to work hard and handle each situation as it comes up. I would also hope that you keep your religious views out of the workplace. I think you do--I'm just reminding you. Your relationship with God is something that doesn't belong in the workplace, and if you're bringing it in--that will cause problems for you.

[@avril.227]

I 💛 your content, energy and ethics! Will you adopt a late 40s slightly eccentric fem fatale? I keep my paws and playpen clean, love to cook and adore positive environments.

[@TheWizardOfWords]

Sure, why not?

[@Nunya900]

This guy offers some good tips but I would offer one my dad told me when I was young: “Some things in this world you have to treat like dog poop…when you see it step around or step over it because if you don’t, you’ll get it all over you!” There are some people out there that are just not worthy of your time so the best thing is just to avoid them.

[@TheWizardOfWords]

I don't disagree with you at all, Farrel.

[@callum7008]

In a classroom setting I struggle to handle disrespect especially when others start laughing it’s not like their my enemies but I wouldn’t consider them friends, please give me tips on how to handle this

[@TheWizardOfWords]

Callum, sometimes immaturity just has to run its course. Each year there should be less and less of this group ganging-up. All you can do is remember that their actions are about them whereas your response is about you. In a classroom, all you can do is go about your business and try not to react at all to whatever they're saying or doing. Meet it with silence.

[@WorkWithWendyandAI-wz9ib]

How to stop rude customers

[@vivianeprudentiabuelens9142]

NO MAYBE’S ANYMORE ! ? 😊 7:46

[@tracylawson334]

A ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure…Ben Franklin

[@TheWizardOfWords]

Yes, yes, that's the one :)

[@ashanmoses7517]

My boss insulted me he said am mad.. so disrespectful

[@TheWizardOfWords]

Call him on it--respectfully. If you don't establish your own boundaries, you won't have any boundaries.

[@stormchild831]

How to be rude to people ~ Right in front of them 6:59 without them being aware ! : )

[@TheWizardOfWords]

Omigod, I hope not.

[@thegodofsilence5580]

I read somewhere to respond kindly or greywall but kindness only makes them continue and greywall only makes them escalate

[@TheWizardOfWords]

I believe you have to express whatever you choose with particular words, phrases, and posture. However, that can always be done in a loving way. Loving should never be confused with weak.

[@Simplicityandkindness]

Try active listening. Say "I see that you are angry., and I care about the reasons for this." Can you tell me how I can help you? " " What's wrong?" Stuff like de-escalation techniques without being condescending helps. Sometimes you just have to either befriend them, or if that is not possible then walk away and say "I will continue this conversation with you later". When you calmer. Hopefully this helps. Sometimes people are just jerks and there's nothing you can do. But sometimes you can make them a friend and surprise them with kindness. It depends on the situation.

[@vtwinvera]

Yay you're awesome thank you!

[@TheWizardOfWords]

You are so welcome!

[@Cookiedough2365]

As a person on the spectrum i struggle with this highly. Idk how to overcome this and people think i am not confident while that’s not the case

[@TheWizardOfWords]

I hope this video helps. Please look around my channel for others as well.

[@Cookiedough2365]

@@TheWizardOfWords Thanks. I do watch your videos. Keep up the goof work.

[@TheWizardOfWords]

OK and thanks. I am going to assume that "goof" was a typo, but I'll take it as a compliment either way. :) :)

[@Cookiedough2365]

@@TheWizardOfWords it definitely was 😂 But thanks for making me laugh. I needed it today.

[@Youtubewonderer]

✨🙏✨

[@doreen7029]

To “grey rock” is a passive aggressive bullying tactic and should NEVER be used if you’re seeking to climb the corporate ladder or grow in your position. Not all tactics are good ones and to “grey rock” another person is petty, childish and bullying. My advice having managed an office of 65 advisors and 15 assistants is don’t play that game, you will get burned…

[@TheWizardOfWords]

I think it is good tactic if you are dealing with a narcissist and want to diminish the drama. See Lizzie Choate's comment from a few hours ago.

[@jillianbaker3260]

Grey rock is effective. Its how to handle petty bullies .

[@natashakaye9223]

1. What if the response to no.1 is get blah blah to do it or they just walk away as if you said nothing. Or they say yes but don't do it.?