How to Respond to Rude Questions at Work and Personal Attacks at Work

[@KS-ni4ht]

I’ll be keeping all this in mind as the holidays come close and will be exposed to uncomfortable family situations

[@Kimba36918]

I'm so glad you get it. You understand how brutal people can be and rude in temper tantrums, I have go hide out.

[@pattymarquez1063]

I love how your responses hold the other person responsible for their naughty behavior/comment while We can remain calm and hold our power.

[@TheWizardOfWords]

Well-put, Patty.

[@EmunahFL]

What do you think about this response... "Are you *trying* to make me feel uncomfortable by making such a comment to me in front of _everyone?_ Think long and hard before you answer that, and while you do, I'm going to walk away and pretend that this conversation never happened... For *your* sake."

[@TheWizardOfWords]

Excellent. I just may steal it. Your response made me smile. I think it is well thought out and would be effective while being mindful. A+ from me Mushroom. Please come to all my live shows, because with insights such as that, you would be helpful to everyone.

[@EmunahFL]

@@TheWizardOfWords 💖

[@KimitaDom]

*Me listening to him speaking in Spanish*. I love him even more now 🤭

[@ladybee1909]

Right!!!!!!???? 😆😆😆😍

[@jodie-b4g]

Omg same! So sexy 😘😘

[@TheWizardOfWords]

I'm blushing.

[@TheWizardOfWords]

Blushing even more :()

[@Hifromthechi]

Funny that I read this I was just about to write a comment saying oh my God I love him

[@Nicole-Faith]

Thank you so much Dan. You really take the time to answer questions. You provide a lot of tips/tools and a variety of communication approaches that are invaluable.👍

[@TheWizardOfWords]

You're very welcome, Nicole. The goal is to change the global dialogue, one conversation at a time.

[@holidayholly7446]

I typed "Dan communication" into the search engine and you came up first! 🌞 I'm listening to you before work. I hope I can remember what you said in the moment when someone triggers me. I really appreciate you and your advice. 🌷 Now, it's time to turn on the ABBA and get dressed. 💃

[@TheWizardOfWords]

I"m honored to be preceding ABBA, Holiday Holly. :)

[@irishcountrygirl78]

I was glad to catch this live, it was late here, but worth staying up for. You had a persistent troll and l was impressed that we all got pressed, but you did not 🤣, you are a classy man Dan. Thank you for staying on point when we all did not 🤣🤣, because l appreciate that.

[@TheWizardOfWords]

Thanks, Tracey. Remember I number people from zero to ten, evaluating how much of my time I will give to interactions with them. (I'm certainly not evaluating their worth; we all have worth. I am evaluating how much TIME AND ATTENTION they will get from me.) Trolls are a zero, so they get no time or attention online. I will answer a question or comment if they write it out, simply because that's what I try to do as much as time permits--even for zeros. :) :)

[@desireedesenna9673]

No, that's not cool to question someone's sexuailty. And in all actuality the work policy says that they can't ask that question. And I told someone that when they got out of line. It wasn't regarding sexuailty. It's none of their ugly business who I get down with. You're so professional about your response!!

[@TheWizardOfWords]

Right on, Desiree.

[@Kirbysfantotheend]

I just found your videos and I find your advice very valuable since I'm experiencing difficult times at work as a public speaker. I thank God for you, you have helped me to begin the journey of conquering my fears while facing rudely behaving people and taking right steps to handle those unclear situations.

[@TheWizardOfWords]

Many thanks for taking the time to write and tell me this, Kirbysfan.

[@Julia-8792]

Thanks very much for answering my question Dan, re being questioned about embarassing events from my past - very helpful and practical advice. X

[@TheWizardOfWords]

Happy to help, Julia.

[@mferr95]

Dan do you find it’s important to never show an emotional reaction when someone says something to you as a ‘jab’? Because they sometimes are fishing for that reaction because that benefits them?

[@TheWizardOfWords]

Absolutely. Reacting emotionally rather than responding rationally frequently gives the jabber what he wants, and of course what gets rewarded gets repeated.

[@mferr95]

@@TheWizardOfWords appreciate the response! Love your work thank you sir

[@TheWizardOfWords]

You're welcome, Mario.

[@shirin8609]

@Amy Xoxo It really is, especially when people are mudslinging and lying about your actions and intentions in front of others. In order to keep my reactions under control, I've had to reframe the situation as, _Wow, these people must be really sad and not have much going on in their lives to make so much out of nothing._ It helps remind me that the problem isn't me so there's no need for me to be defensive. I have nothing to defend myself about. Chances are, if you're on a video like this, you don't, either. Hope this helps 💙

[@maryhenderson4929]

Dan again I'm super impressed with what I'm learning by your comunication! My world is a much better place because of what I'm learning here from you. What a difference. Truly. I read in a book about perfect peace have we who won't be offended.

[@TheWizardOfWords]

Totally agree.

[@itsjussms825]

love that i found this channel.. ❤️

[@TheWizardOfWords]

Welcome!!

[@jolly7728]

What about changing the subject politely but abruptly? Say something true with a smile, such as, "I took my Lambo to the shop this weekend to have it detailed. What type of automobile do you drive? That reminds me, I have a fax to send. Please excuse me." It's critical to communicate to the rude person that you are unconcerned about the irritating question and are so focused on being productive that you didn't even process the remark that falls so far short of your professional standards.

[@jillmtaylor9229]

Dan, you are awesome! Thank you for all the information you share!♥️

[@TheWizardOfWords]

You are so welcome :)

[@juanitathom2661]

Thank you for your training. I haven’t been listening very long, and already feel the benefits. Just having words for the upcoming meeting already helps. The 3 questions: Does it have to be said? Does it have to be said right now? Does it have to be said by me? Are , most likely going to be my saving grace.

[@TheWizardOfWords]

Wonderful!

[@KimRope]

I love the way you talk

[@TheWizardOfWords]

Wow, I KNOW this isn't my mother; she's spent a lifetime trying to shut me up. BTW, I'm going to be doing podcasts with her soon. Stay tuned.

[@Gardendesigncleveland]

@@TheWizardOfWords I was JUST thinking we need to meet her!

[@Gardendesigncleveland]

Critcizes with Kittens!

[@htttppppp]

Has anyone mentioned in the comments that everything that’s been said in this video, even with practice, and getting used to the method stated here, it is pretty exhausting having to deal with overt or covert vampires, difficult people, etc. This is probably obvious but I needed to make that observation here. Plus if a person is highly sensitive they can never really get used to bad energy, ever. You just have to grin and bear it (this is a general type remark; not criticism). Thanks!

[@TheWizardOfWords]

A.C., I don't erase comments and I welcome them all. They don't all have to be reinforcing what I've said. They can be constructive, destructive, relevant or irrelevant. You'll find them all here. In answer to your question, I don't think so, but please let me know if you scroll through and find such comments.

[@24runbabyrunn]

I love your videos and appreciate all the help you have given. Question: How do you deal with coworkers who say something rude/passive aggressive comment out loud so I can hear, towards me, to each other and then walk away laughing, not giving an opportunity to give a clarifying question? These coworkers have worked together for years and act like a toxic work family and act like each others enablers.

[@TheWizardOfWords]

I wouldn't deal with them at all. If you must work with them, make your contact as brief as possible. Do not react to their comments. Just go about your business. People such as these that travel in groups reinforce each other and make civil discourse impossible.

[@sashalopez3720]

Thank you so much! You are the best!

[@ProfessorNorris1]

You're amazing Dan O' Connor. That's it...PerioT! xxoo Just found you and you are such a blessing. Your teaching is giving me knowledge and wisdom to pass on to my coaching client. Literally I just "serendipitously" divinely found you yesterday. Love you- Flo

[@TheWizardOfWords]

Wonderful! The universe works in strange ways, no?? Happy to help you with your coaching client, as others have helped me. (Thanks Mom and Dad.)

[@annamillan2903]

I. am not engaging on gossip. I am not paying attention to people like that. I am staying my lane and just going forward. If they come to me with that I won't even listen. Let them talk.

[@TheWizardOfWords]

Perfect. My grandfather had a saying "Who are they? What do they say? Let them say it." It's a longer version of your "let them talk."

[@jackdeniston59]

Good solution. I am here because, for me, it is time to confront this poison.

[@TheWizardOfWords]

You're at the right place, JackDeniston.

[@JesusSaves77799]

Hi Dan, I love how you talk about making a chart/ hierarchy of importance re our goals and important people/ topics for us to focus on. I love this so much and I am going to check out those templates on your site to see if I can find them! On a side note, there were 2 things that you mentioned that I have questions about: 1. I don’t understand what is wrong with asking someone what his or her credentials are regarding hypnosis? Some people might really be afraid of hypnosis so this seems like a logical question to me? Unless it was delivered in a rude tone? 2. As a Christian, I would feel really uncomfortable if I learned that 2 people at work were having an “affair” (if they were cheating on their families or significant others). This would bother me tremendously as I feel it is morally wrong. I don’t think that discussing this with another person if it’s emotional for you is always a bad thing to do? I would probably distance myself from the couple and then if one of them asked me if something was wrong, I might then just give the impression that what they were doing was hurtful (maybe without saying anything directly so as to not get in trouble for discussing someone’s personal life at work). If I knew them outside of work, I might tell them to be careful and talk about the Bible a little.

[@Coco-zi3ey]

Sure glad this recommendation came up.

[@MsActor2009]

I usually let my gay friends and family tell me they’re gay when ready to. It’s irrelevant. Then I pretended to be surprised and let them know I like them the same.

[@TheWizardOfWords]

I think you're handling that just as it should be handled, MsActor.

[@prissypacheco2860]

My next job I am just going to lie and tell them I have kids.

[@prissypacheco2860]

I’ve been at my job for 11 years so it may not happen! LOL

[@TheWizardOfWords]

Probably not :() :) :)

[@tatianahawaii13]

Dan, you are awesome ❤️ hugs

[@TheWizardOfWords]

Hugs back at you Hanna Hanna.

[@unnamedchannel1237]

Who the heck is Trixy she is a Real handful in her work place

[@TheWizardOfWords]

If you have not met Trixie, BE GRATEFUL. She is a woman of many talents, most of which are aggravating.

[@katrand5357]

And the what are your qualifications: I happen to be a hypnotist but I realized that that part was not the point. In terms of being a public speaker and being inqueried on qualifications, your bio most likely is on the literature you have made available, or in my opinion should have been made available. Then you can easily direct them to the material

[@TheWizardOfWords]

Yes, that would work.

[@KimitaDom]

Why do I always miss these😭

[@TheWizardOfWords]

Don't miss the one on Wednesday. I think I have talked my mother into joining in via Zoom. We'll see.

[@sharonhainesNumber1Red]

I had a boss who sabotaged me because she wanted to fire me. She was the Activities Director at a Retirement Home. She would schedule different activities during my exercise classes, and then complain that the numbers were too low in my class. She threatened to cancel my classes if I didn’t get the numbers up. I was teaching exercise classes, including Water Aerobics Classes. There was a Resident who volunteered to teach the Classes for free. She was 84 years old, and almost completely blind. The Activities Director also hired somebody else for the Chair Classes, who was on payroll, instead of an independent contractor like me. Well, the Retirement Home had just spent 17 million dollars on a new exercise facility. Then the Activities Director said she would have to give me a pay cut, because of budget cuts!! I told her that I quit!!

[@DamienGuerrero]

Dude, Thank You! Thank you for what you do!

[@staceykersting705]

I'm here for it, Dan!

[@TheWizardOfWords]

OK Stacey!

[@ezra420420]

Thanks for the info 🔥🔥🔥

[@011010a]

Hi Dan, Really love the way you are helping, Thanks, I am aware about my situation that when somebody says anything rude or mean ; i get hurt & gets blank in mind, not able to respond/reply, goes in shock for a second,. what is more painful is that i am aware about it, Can you help with that.

[@TheWizardOfWords]

Keep watching my videos, Aniruddha. They'll help you stand up for yourself.

[@pattymarquez1063]

I feel powerless sometimes in responding to what I call naughty comments or questions. It's about them not us. That helps me feel better. Most people that are rude or offensive think poorly of themselves.

[@TheWizardOfWords]

Hey! I made this for you---and gave you a couple of shout outs. I hope it helps!👍

[@catalhuyuk7]

Why is it important to know if someone is or isn’t homosexual or heterosexual ? I’d never consider asking someone that. Does it matter? Am I missing something?

[@TheWizardOfWords]

I've no idea, catalhuyuk7 :)

[@moonhunter9993]

exactly

[@the.blue.raven7777]

When the boss is sabotaging, you being honest with them will make them use everything you said as a vulnerability and against you.

[@TheWizardOfWords]

That has not been my experience. Honesty and attack are two different things.

[@ProfessorNorris1]

If someone were to ask me about my sexuality, I would respond by asking them: "Are you trying to get in my pants? I believe that would constitute as sexual harassment and is not expeditious for you."

[@sooozannah33]

Dan, do you have any thoughts on how to handle a work place situation where a group of coworkers who are at least 20 years my senior keep fishing to find out my age (which I'm uncomfortable sharing with them) various members have made 'joking' derogatory comments such as 'oh you must be going through menopause' (said with a smirk) when I was too warm (I'm no where near menopause age btw) or 'oh, are you going in there to sit with the 'young ones' (referring to co-workers who are closer in age to me than they are). Then the other day one explicitly asked me my age and when I refused to answer started 'teasing' me and even said 'oh, are you really and old doll in a young girls body'. Now, every time he sees me he 'teases' me and I have to say its really getting me down.

[@TheWizardOfWords]

I would remind these people that they are in a place of work and personal comments are inappropriate and to knock it off before it becomes an HR issue. I would tell the individual who won't stop "teasing": "To be clear. I am offended by your comments regarding my age--or any other personal thing you might say. Do you understand that? If you don't stop immediately I'll take this to HR. We are here to work, and you are making me uncomfortable at my place of work." Then quickly write yourself a note about the conversation--and date it. And make certain this guy sees you doing that.

[@moonhunter9993]

@@TheWizardOfWords great advice.

[@Sunnyskies1955]

Hey Dan, I love your channel and your videos. Do you know that, on KZbin, this video is listed as "How to Respond to Rude Questoions..." (yes, with the extra "o")? I just wanted to bring this to your attention, in case you were not aware of this fact.

[@TheWizardOfWords]

What?

[@innavinitsky1848]

You are awesome!

[@TheWizardOfWords]

Please share these videos, Inna.

[@jaytucker7319]

(thumbnail pic has a typo) Love ya Dan

[@TheWizardOfWords]

Thanks, Jay. I'm thinking of leaving it up and claiming it's an alternative spelling. What do you think??

[@jenw3994]

Dan how do you deal with family who want to discuss personal medical issues and tell me what choices I should make in my life . They continued even after it was said I am not discussing.

[@TheWizardOfWords]

If they continued even after you made it clear you were not discussing the matter, I would recommend silence when the topic is brought up. If you need to speak, use the broken record. "I am not discussing this with you." No matter what is said--NO MATTER WHAT--don't say anything other than "I am not discussing this with you." Let them talk; it can't hurt you--unless you engage. Don't engage.

[@jenw3994]

@@TheWizardOfWords Thank you!

[@stargazer3284]

I came here for the "Questoions"! lol

[@TheWizardOfWords]

It's the Irish spelling :)

[@JolitaBrilliant]

Awesome

[@annipaulekas2349]

Good morning Dan! I have, in the past, been asked if my rainbow glasses cord indicated that I really was gay. I responde by asking if they were asking me for a date. I realize that was sarcastic but it stopped my busy schedule

[@TheWizardOfWords]

Well it wasn't UNKINDLY sarcastic, now was it? It was just funny, and I think we can all use a laugh now and then.

[@justmejo9008]

Hi Dan 🤗 can you address this problem I am having. My coworker constantly minimizes everyone else’s task as an excuse to not help share the load when you ask for help.. especially in front of our new supervisor that doesn’t understand the work involved. He is getting the impression she is busy and we/me is just being whiny or we don’t need the help. She just came back from 3mthsstress leave while I worked 1 to 3 hrs everyday plus 4 to 10 hours on Saturday and sundays to get us through this transition we are going through

[@TheWizardOfWords]

JustMeJo, perhaps you could schedule a meeting with your supervisor, and BRIEFLY outline what you do and why you need help. Ask the supervisor if it is possible to get that help, but do not mention your coworker. Let your supervisor determine who should help you out. Don't concern yourself with your coworker at all. Concern yourself with getting the help you need.

[@justmejo9008]

@@TheWizardOfWords thanks Dan. I will take your advise and try to keep my thoughts about Trixie to myself 😅

[@OnyxRoseReiki]

Minding my business.....And Look at God!😂🤣Woo! I needed to hear All this goodness! I'm never leaving this channel! Everyday.....dealing with micro aggressions, insensitivity to diversity, passive aggressive nonsense! Nice to know I have an alternative to issuing these knuckles!🤣😂🤣

[@TheWizardOfWords]

Well in that case, welcome BLZ!

[@JolitaBrilliant]

It’s not personal it’s work

[@StacySanseverino]

What about giving them an out and say “you’re not trying to embarrass me, right?”

[@TheWizardOfWords]

I think that would work, as long as you are prepared for the answer.

[@margoheekin7201]

Dan I assume you have seen Sarah Cooper’s books on workplace communication. She has a uniquely feminine outlook on workplace communication. Her book is written as a comedy though is sadly true.

[@TheWizardOfWords]

No, I haven't. Margo, there is so much material out there-- I'll have to check her out.

[@jaderuvolo1931]

Dan, how do I politely tell my boss not to touch my shoulder or arm?? He does it subtly and I don’t want to make it a bigger deal than it is. But it bothers me. Please help!

[@TheWizardOfWords]

Sorry, Jade. I thought I had answered this. You might ask to speak to him privately and say: "I know you are a tactical person, Mr. Boss, and that works for you. However, I am not, and it bothers me to be touched on my shoulder or arm--or anywhere for that matter. If you could refrain from doing that going forward, I'd be very grateful. I just wanted you to know this." Then get up, smile, and LEAVE. If he has a response, listen to it as you stand up. That way your exit will tell him you just had one simple message to impart--and now you're leaving. EZ Breezy.

[@jaderuvolo1931]

@@TheWizardOfWords Thank you so much! You are awesome!

[@juliewarnke1119]

What advice do you have for someone who crossed a boundary with someone who was misleading and now you're in trouble for it?

[@TheWizardOfWords]

In trouble with whom? The misleader? Your boss? Your wife? Your husband? Your co-worker? Your children? A friend?

[@juliewarnke1119]

@@TheWizardOfWords a coworker said that i was harassing them at work and now I'm on suspension. I have several text messages where i had asked this person if they wanted me to leave them alone and they never answered me back

[@kikive6875]

What if the backstabbing gossip is your boss?

[@TheWizardOfWords]

Go have a talk with your boss.

[@sharonhainesNumber1Red]

The heart is desperately wicked, who can understand it? (Jeremiah 17:9) There is none that is righteous, no not one. Jesus can give us a new heart. God is love. ❤️ ❤️❤️❤️

[@fazbell]

Amazing, that in 2021, that ANYONE gives a damn about who is sleeping with who. Unless there is a minor involved.

[@TheWizardOfWords]

Yes--agreed--or maybe someone else's wife :(

[@anneofhearts]

from now on....I speak only words of Love...

[@TheWizardOfWords]

It's a great goal, Anne. And if you fail, try again the next day :)

[@anneofhearts]

@@TheWizardOfWords oh hello there!!!! thanks So Much for ALL YOUR WONDERFULNESS btw! i almost feel like God sent you into my path at just the right moment xox be blessed for sharing your talents

[@user-rf5pb7cx6z]

if i had half the likeableness you have in half ur little pinky finger, i'd be ooohh, so much happier.

[@TheWizardOfWords]

0 0, just be yourself, be willing to show and acknowledge your vulnerabilities, and be kind to people. That's all any of us can do to show our human side, right??

[@matzohgirl]

You are handsome. Are you single? Is that a personal question? Where do you live?

[@TheWizardOfWords]

Well, as long as you prefaced your question by telling me I'm handsome, you've disarmed me. So I'll answer your question. I am single at the moment, and live near Guadalajara Mexico when I'm not in Saint Paul, MN.

[@matzohgirl]

😘😘😘