How To Have Good Boundaries! | AKA Stop Saying Yes to Stuff You Hate

[@erakkovaatainen148]

This is so true, I needed to hear this. It's so easy to start people pleasing. My only friend helped me with this, a very old people asked me all the time to help them with computers, I mean same things. You could print for them time after time after time. You could write an awesome message to sell their crap on internet second hand... They will never try to look and learn how to do it. One day I just said you don't have a little teenager to do that? I mean he could do anything instead of gaming at a times. Person refused to listen. At another time I just stopped, I said to do it later at my home, but I never did. Then person started to ask someone else from their house to do that. It's not hard for me, but I have my own things to do. I learned how to print myself. I don't need to ask someone for anything, so I found to be just giving without receiving. I am glad I talked about this with my friend. He helped how to get rid of this thing. The same can happen at your work, someone will ask to scan for you - because they don't know how to. Maybe they are just trying - but I will never do someone else's work again. Never. I mean it's fine to help people here and there, and I will always help my depressed friend with listening, and everything. But he also helps me. That's good!

[@grettafletcher5239]

I should have learned about healthy boundaries much sooner. Instead, I had a lot of built up resentment that sent me into depression, and I had quite a struggle, not realizing the toxic friendship was the root of my problems. However, it did have a happy ending and I am very happy now that I don’t have constant boundary crossings, bullying me and guilt tripping and manipulation probing me to say yes to everything. I have moved on to a more relaxed lifestyle and am making new friends and enjoying life

[@sreemoyeedg5100]

Dear Julia I am not sure how I found your youtube page just at the time I have set out to reconfigure my inner self. Your content is resonating, your way of putting things is warm and encouraging. So hereby congratulate you for reaching out to so many people and offering the technical knowledge and skill to take things forward. I really appreciate your online presence in my life 😊💙

[@MonetJackson_here]

Your videos are a breath of fresh air. Being a child of an overt narcissist and an ex wife of a covert narcissist, I have really committed to changing my codependent ways. This was definitely the first thing I learned to do, simply saying no. I felt bad at first even when having a legit reason. I want to get to a place where no means no, no explanation needed. You've just equipped me with a few ways to decline offers/invitations/other ppl needs with tact. (25 ways to say no) Thanks chic.

[@juliakristinamah]

So glad to hear it Latrice! And yes, the more we set clear and healthy boundaries, the easier it gets. You've got this!

[@leafygreens6897]

Yes, it's like a muscle that must be worked out regularly!

[@ladyesther]

I love the sayings. I wrote them down on a 3x5 card to put on my mirror. I struggle with saying no to certain people. I am getting better. My most recent request I said no in a round about way. The number one issue is a certain person asking to borrow money all the time. It is very challenging for me. It feels horrible to feel like I am stuck in a box and I don't have the right to say no. I want to get a t-shirt with the word NO. on it!

[@johng.4959]

Really love the help and advise you are offering. And I also really appreciate that you dive right into the subject matter without some silly musical opening or background mumbo jumbo. Simple and straightforward advice! Thank you!

[@dianebradford5032]

John G. Right? Long introductions and music and graphics that go on and on are annoying and useless, in my opinion. She does it just right.

[@Anastashya]

I’m so nervous saying No. Thank you for the download and the video I so need to hear.

[@TravelinRosy2025]

Dont be

[@henrygasper118]

Hey Julia, I have always respected people who say no to me. It does set a boundary and then you know where you stand with them. But I never realized that I should be setting up the same healthy boundaries by simply saying no to things that will later cause me to feel resentful. Thank you for making me appreciate this. 😎

[@emilylumantes3614]

Great vedios I started with one and have continued through all i can find! Youve been great boost for me. Ive just lost my husband of over forty years. Being cometely on my own now ive found myself in very uncomfortable situations with certain so called friends and family members. As of right now i feel some are overwheming they seem to want to control me. I feel extreamly uncomfortable with certain so call friends. I feel as if im taking backseat to my own life. Their taking over my personal space. It makes me feel crazy. I know im in bad space in my life right now im sure im not making best decisions but i feel almost overlooked and small! So your vedios are of great help. I need to set boundries for sure. I have been trying. What ive noticed is when i do speak up the other person they seems to punish me for doing so. Im thinking this is where i find out if their really friend or foe! Thanks for vedios Continued success and God Bless

[@katrinaruthministries]

Thanks for sharing on this topic! Love your video!

[@sassysandie2865]

How do I say no to friendships I no longer want to be in? Tired of friends that don’t want to change or improve their lives. They complain about the same things year after year and take no action to change. They are nice people but I find them toxic, draining and not very stimulating. I’m not in the same place I was years ago and desire different qualities in a friend now. I have always tried to be kind and caring but there’s not enough time or energy for them anymore. Hate blowing them off but.....

[@juliakristinamah]

It's okay to take distance from people who are much more draining than uplifting - friendships are supposed to a good thing in our lives - not a continuously depleting thing.

[@TraumaTalk]

sandramA heynemana it is so hard to do, but I’ve had to do the same thing...distancing myself from negative and toxic people had had such an incredible impact on my life. I didn’t realize how true it is that who you surround yourself with heavily influenced who you are and how you think until I did that. It felt selfish and wrong, and I didn’t end friendships, I just distances myself and didn’t hang out nearly as much and would not engage so much if that makes sense. Take care of yourself first and foremost...you are so important, and as you take care of yourself and pursue what matters to you you’ll find other like minded people along the way.

[@sassysandie2865]

Trauma Talk good for you! I hope so, thank you!

[@Morrighanangel84]

You have to treat breaking up with a friend like any other relationship, (e.g. breaking up with a boyfriend or girlfriend). First realise that those people aren't really you're friends, they're just acquaintances. You will have to have a mourning period but after it's done you'll feel so much better. Talk to them in person, gently tell them you no longer want to be in the relationship and give some brief reasons. Allow them to speak but don't let them suck you back in. Then walk away. I've had to do this recently on someone who was nice, but insensitive to my needs and overall draining. I feel way better without her in my life now

[@LinYouToo]

sandramA heynemana I went through the same thing with a couple of friends of mine that I had known for over 20 years. I sat down with both of them and explain what I had valued about our friendship through the years and that my need to changed. I then explained what it was I was looking for. In short, a friendship based on mutuality, reciprocity, etc. and that I was not able to sustain the relationship and that I hoped we could talk about what it would look like going forward. I told one of the friends that I felt invisible in our conversations when she talked and talked and talked without me being in the conversation. That’s just one example. Needless to say they did not take it well. One blamed me for misunderstanding and the other actually got worse. In both cases I told both friends that I would leave the door open if they ever wanted to reach out to reestablish a new friendship. That was nearly 2 years ago and I have felt free ever since. I feel the key is to express what it is you’re grateful for such is their kindness and to express it in terms of your needs. But not to blame them. To focus on behavior is that no longer work for you without blaming the person. Hope that helps and good luck to you.

[@countrycricket38]

Thank you! Love all your insight/knowledge. You have helped me tremendously! ❤

[@deborahergin9477]

Hey I think you are an amazing therapist and person I did have this shit at one time but I put an end to it all .& I am much happier now .

[@ray60723]

You are absolutely wonderful Julia. I listen more to some of your videos on this topic, and it really begins to enter inside on a deeper level, and slowly, small and bigger decisions following these talks, are changing my life! for the best. I'm getting healthier! I connect with what you said about the way it actually builds self-confidence from within. Thank you so much :)💛

[@FienDeLaere]

Hello Julia. I would like to thank you for taking the time out to contribute to this channel so often. I have looked at many of your videos and have found them to be very helpful! I especially liked the self care videos in which you said that we often don't come trough for our own needs or projects. Being a mom of a very energetic and adorable (but not entirely demanding) toddler girl who is healthy now but was in bad health the first year of her life and a husband who has suffered from viral meningitis earlier this year and seems to be starting a winter in which he will still fall ill often. I have applied (and am going on an interview) for a parttime job that would be manageable withy my family's needs and have started looking for parttime jobs specifically. And I don't know if I would have had the courage to make this decision if it wasn't for your help. You have already made me a happier person. I would like to say that I have found it very helpful to make a list of my must-do's as you call them but have put this spin on your advice. Instead of making a "must do" list, I have started make a self-care "must do" list, and prioritise this list above all other lists I can even think of making;). It's been working wonders for me and little Victoria and might be useful for other (moms) as well :) Sending you much love! And now on to another self care video :)

[@Politicallyhomeless18]

Thank you for making these videos. They've made a huge difference in my life and overall self awareness. Very grateful

[@juliakristinamah]

Do you ever struggle to have boundaries? If so, in which situations do you find it most challenging?

[@TraumaTalk]

Julia Kristina Counselling I’ve finally learned to have boundaries in almost every area in my life and am putting them into practice (and it is incredible what an amazing impact that has!) but I struggle with it still with family members the most. Still working on that one! 😉

[@lisbethfarmarbowers6476]

I am not able to see a link to free download about ways to say “no”.

[@juliakristinamah]

Here it is for you Lisbeth: juliakristina.com/tt/ways-to-say-no/

[@hawakutu-akoi9251]

With family members?

[@kushkumar-id5tl]

It is really hard to create a boundary if u r an Empath and u r dealing with a narcisst family member...

[@justathought7221]

Hi Julia. I love your channel. I had a co worker who tried to push me to do something that he could have done and I said “ let me finish this and I’ll jump on it” but never did. He took it to our boss and had me pulled in. I told my boss what happened even though the boss never told me that he reported me. I told my boss exactly what he did and I had to set up boundaries. My boss wants my team to be friends. I told him that’s not in my contract. And that that person is lazy and tries to push work on me or takes the least strenuous thing and leaves the hard stuff to others. I also found out that he called me a bad word through someone else because I don’t take his laziness. Anyways, sorry for going on and on, but videos like these help me see that I didn’t do anything wrong. People are just lazy and want to start trouble. Thank you again 😌

[@michaelb1785]

Nice and clear, makes sense. Thanks.

[@izawaniek2568]

It is a message everyone should hear! Thank you .

[@ballharris311]

I'm a person that find it hard to say no, but hearing this helped me understand why I feel the way I do after saying yes. This was very helpful for me..

[@supermichaelssecondchannel4342]

I’ve been getting better at saying no thanks to your videos.

[@misshanane684]

Thank you so much ❤

[@muminabegum7466]

I feel as though saying “no” makes the recipient end up interrogating you mos of the time lol! I’ve been in this situation many times myself with my two older sisters and an Aunt.

[@tamikastafford1677]

Hi Julia I love your videos, they have really been helping me out in alot of way. I really struggle alot with saying No to people, especially my partner.

[@warrenbarra9129]

Great advice you have a good morning and thank you

[@dianamcintosh6738]

Thank you, Julia! This really resonated with me today!

[@oceansailing7726]

You do an amazing job, thank you

[@conniepurnell4496]

Thankyou for yet another great video xxxx

[@katsthoughts8171]

This is so true.

[@siliconebug481]

It's the hardest thing for me to say no to my parents, because I don't want to upset them. I'm 21 now and still can't choose my own way in life because I know they won't understand and probably not support me. They brought me up and gave me good education, but I know that I won't be able to walk the way they want for me.

[@TraumaTalk]

Loki Love same here, saying no or going in a different way than my parents has also been so hard...best of luck to you, I get how hard it can be. 💜

[@rebeccabrooks6155]

I myself was brought up by a military family and always taught to respect my parents so I know it's really hard to say no to them if not impossible. I never could.

[@mohammadfarrokhnejad993]

I certainly agree

[@capricornak8382]

My ex husband, is the one I have a hard time speaking my mind, I was with him for 16 yrs, had three kids and still feel like he has a hold over me, I’m still very much attracted to him, yrs ago I used to speak my mind but it became to wear my opinion didn’t matter or so I felt, he was also right in his eyes and I wasn’t, and I still struggle with his manipulation and mind games to this day, I am working on becoming a stronger woman, I still love him, even though we aren’t together, I know he isn’t good for me but I don’t know how to let go.

[@lauraswanlund1319]

Thank you

[@freiza79]

no good deed goes unpunished

[@jeff19267]

Good info 👍👍👍👍👍

[@BrandonMoss-dm1de]

What about when saying yes will make me feel anxious?

[@johnmbugua4923]

YES

[@The_Atheist_Carpenter5625]

I am a disabled man. I often feel so obligated and indebted toward my parents because of how often they do things to help care for me, that I never turn down their suggestions, and I never challenge anything they say even when it's incredibly homophobic and mean.( I am bisexual so it very much ticks me off and builds resentment) I feel trapped into making sure I never p*ss them off. they have all the power over me because if they ever got fed up with me enough to abandon me to fend for myself i would be in a very bad situation. I don't have a car to get myself to doctors appointments and I'm not financially stable so if a washing machine breaks i have no means of replacing it myself. I've tried to tell them how I feel, but they didn't even consider apologizing to me or considered that my desire for boundaries is warranted. I have an appointment scheduled with a real therapist, a serious, medical professional not a baptist preacher who just does counseling on the side, and I'm begging for my very life that they will stand up for me and help me stand up for myself in a way that doesn't burn the bridge between me and my parents. If it doesn't work I just don't think I can keep going😞

[@supermichaelssecondchannel4342]

It’s difficult with family to say no and work.

[@lynnblas4754]

In the 7 things that hit home in your other video lived it and this one , were half of them

[@mariamistretta3860]

I used to be the woman who said yes to everything, but now I say no to things I don't like. I'm in charge of my own life and my choices. I love doing things on my own sometimes I even find time for myself. Make time for others as well. People who judgemental critical over bearing gossip cyberbullies manipulations, are so annoying. I find I have to blow off these type people these people are not healthy there toxic. I like being with people who treat me right.

[@TravelinRosy2025]

Me2

[@marisamadera3650]

This lady Julia Kristina has a fb group and she bullied me and suspended me from it for 24hrs because i am a Christian. Letting you kniw and pass it on

[@tanjamilenkovic1917]

Julia, can you help me realizing if I cannot say no, or I am just scared of that? How to know? Can you give me some practice to check it?

[@ianwashburn2012]

Do you have one on "healthy selfishness"? I have trouble with this. I stay in things because I feel I "owe" other people. It sucks.

[@chrismcevoy2503]

I struggle with saying no Julia I admit it.

[@brenta.7387]

Hi Julia, Been awhile, thanks again for the wonderful advice. I was always one in offering help to others with good intentions and finding myself in similar situations of frustration. Learning to say no was difficult in feeling guilt, and realized the guilt was easier to work through than frustration. 😊

[@juliakristinamah]

Love this Brent - and it's so true.

[@TraumaTalk]

Brent A. I hear that! Guilt is indeed easier than the constant frustration and I found personally that guilt eventually left as I realized my needs actually did matter and it wasn’t selfish to have boundaries and to prioritize what I needed and surround myself with more positive, motivated, encouraging people.

[@brenta.7387]

Trauma Talk Hi! Thank you for taking time and sharing. It is appreciated more than words, it is nice to know I'm not alone. Many hugs! 😊

[@TraumaTalk]

Brent A. Right back at you! 😀

[@victorianangel9427]

Hi do u do virtual counseling?

[@kbertrand2771]

Where is the download? Thanks!

[@purplespinach17]

Hey, I was just wondering if you have any videos on bipolar disorder, or if you could make one if you don't already have one. I would love to see your perspective on how to get through it as a whole and not focusing on only certain parts, as not addressing the root of the problem has made things worse for me in the past. If you already have one, I'd love some help finding it, and if you don't, I think it would be a great video. Thanks!

[@Chrysanthemum808]

I admit, this is a trait I have that I want to work on. This is so true for me.

[@juliepeterson4905]

My family, who has alcoholism in their history, really have a hard time with boundaries I've learned. Very sick people.

[@cd2437]

My husband is very controlling. He asks over and over again tries guilt tripping me etc. until I am exhausted and just give in. It is drainibg and creating alot of resentment.

[@mobiusstripper7279]

My husband is a very controlling person. Although, he has a good heart. Every single day... he expects me to watch Tucker Carlson with him strictly at 5pm. I want to do other things, but I know he will get upset and hurt and guilt trip me. He's all about routine and anything that causes a change in that routine causes an issue. What if he yells at me or gives me the silent treatment? Please any advice would be greatly appreciated. Much love. ❤️

[@evanemetkonc4299]

I wish I had watched this video months ago. 😞 Julia, thank you for your help. I'll be (hopefully) wiser in the future.

[@daviddempsey9313]

Dear Julia Kristina Counselling, 25 reasons to say NO, but one person I said “ YES “. Julia should be an early day for you, is nighttime for me. If it doesn’t work for me to listen to you, because it’s making me happy. You must of been there, also?

[@RomiBach]

Hi Julia just a quick FYI I filled out my email address on your website from my phone and once I was done filling it out the website did not take me to any other page. I'm a website designer just wanted to let you know this because usually it's very helpful if someone is taken to an additional page on your site after feeling anything out! Thank you for making the video and thank you for sharing your beautiful Insight all the best!

[@juliakristinamah]

GREAT feedback - thanks Romi. It looks like the Thank You page is not working properly on this one. We'll fix it right away.

[@chrismcevoy2503]

I had a hard time saying no to my ex-friend Becky Keena Julia.

[@danieldickerson7350]

You look good with your hair messy

[@tommygunn6901]

Chances are, I wont get a response but whatever...I just cut those out my life if they don't respect boundaries. Why bother explaining yourself?

[@chrismcevoy2503]

I said no to my mother because I didn’t want to get vaccinations she wanted me to get because I didn’t think I needed them, but I ended up getting them anyway.

[@shannongrreene4365]

Hey 👋👋😊 it's me again

[@rebeccabrooks6155]

Theoretically people with disabilities from the get-go don't set any boundaries which sets them up for toxic relationships for the rest of their lives. Due to helicopter parenting.

[@lmgtowwfvzxcf]

Oh no, u r using lipstick, no, no , your hair is different tonight, oh no starry night,