How To Help My Needy Mom?

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[@2HandsForHim]

Learning to set boundaries was a life-changer for me!

[@sportsbabe1125]

No is a complete sentence! I refuse to enabling people who make bad choices or can’t manage their money.

[@jeffholmes49]

My motto: I refuse to help anyone that refuses to help themselves.

[@robertcraft1030]

Even your mother?

[@john1425]

@@robertcraft1030 Not unless you can control your mother's behavior.

[@blackjack444....]

Amazing

[@_becareful]

return

[@arleneaugustahair8393]

I just simply block them and keep it moving. I’m not stressing myself out with anyone. I have my own problems.

[@loveandlight339]

What if it's your mother?

[@conigjo62]

I was stupid with "loaning" out money to friends a few times in my life. It was it true desperate times for these folks as they were going to miss a mortgage payment. about to get their car repossessed, short on rent with a child in the home.... These were people I knew for a very long time (many years decades ), but ... I never saw that money again.. Lesson learned as I never loaned out money again. One of them did ask for me to co-sign A loan years later and was angry when I said no.. and ll three are no longer speaking to me... That's okay.. just turn the page and never ever loan out again.....

[@moreofawave]

Never co-sign, and never loan. If you can give it freely without any strings do so, but you are not obligated.

[@TheLuxeTraveler702]

It's so sad this mentally is the norm these days. The moment you don't help someone they're quick to cut you off and then talk bad about you. Smh

[@AlexBobalexRavenclaw]

conigjo62 you were generous and wanted them to change, but they never did. So you changed, and they reacted badly and moved on from you. I hope they change for the better. I see it with my husband, he’s nice and the eldest of his siblings, and not as much of a pushover as he used to be with his side of the family and it catches them off guard. But my poor youngest sister-in-law, most of the family couldn’t stand when she was at work or out with friends because she’s nice too. It took moving out for my in-laws(who we love) to stop being so dependent on us. As the saying goes, out of sight, out of mind. Personally, if people ask for money from us, we don’t expect it back anymore. I can only hope they were responsible with it.

[@kefkapalazzo1]

I don’t loan I give what I can nsa. But I don’t have a lot so the answer is usually no lol

[@margyrowland]

conigjo62 They weren’t friends. It’s not your fault. Love from Australia 🇦🇺

[@edermitt]

I see it differently. Someone who hasn't got their sh!t together by the time their 65 never will. You are dealing with a hopeless case. I know a lot of people that age who think they know all the answers when they really don't even know the questions.

[@janewilliams6885]

You are spot on!

[@lovethemflowers]

Penelope, it sounds like your mother in law needs to learn the hard way that Dave’s book IS for her. Hopefully she can sell things (like that $5,000 purse) if ahe evers sees the light and has that “I’ve had it!” moment. I definitely wouldn’t be helping anyone who can afford $300 restaurant outings and $5,000 purses.

[@mrlee6260]

true. her mother is 60years old and they made mistake that's why we need to help them

[@shannon2748]

@@Austenfan177 Wow. Who needs a $5000 purse? I hate designer/overpriced junk.

[@shannon2748]

@@lovethemflowers I worked with someone whose mom expected her to give her money from her job. She told her she was a bad daughter for not giving her more money to fund her lavish lifestyle. She told her get a second job so you can give me even more money. She told us all about how her mom expected expensive things all the time and they reached a point where they stopped talking for awhile and almost disowned each other. Her mom also used men for money and got divorced a second time from this lady's stepdad. Narc alert. Also, somehow this poor coworker of mine got swindled into paying $250,000 for her brother's international school education. So she was in debt for his education instead of their mom. She was single like me and just a poor English teacher. Sad.

[@k.b.s4703]

When the stimulus check came through my mom received hers. She knew I received mine and right away asked me for 900 dollars. Straight up .

[@loveye]

Wow...my mom asked for 350 from me and my sister. Its a cultural thing for kids to help their parents....unfortunately

[@susieenglish302]

@@loveye that's an excuse

[@GungFuRichard]

She thinks you're a chump.

[@pingupenguin2474]

​@@loveyeunless you were living at home and it was for rent, then its totally unreasonable.

[@safiyapotts1845]

The financial institutions would request someone to cosign when they perceive the individual will have difficulty paying. Don't do it.

[@lisad6106]

You can't help people who only want help. I learned that one the hard way😐

[@theresabruntom5435]

My mother said if I didn't move in with her and take care of her and my dad, she would cut me out of their will. I said OK. They left me a nice inheritance.

[@shannon2748]

That's so mean...narc alert.

[@monicadhenderson8670]

😂

[@fauxbro1983]

Ummm. OK. Not the greatest of flexes

[@AtticTapes14]

So what's your point

[@carolblair2845]

🎉

[@blackjack444....]

My brother ask me to co/sign..... I told him if a bank told him he needed a Co/signer. Why would I 😂👍 pound sand!

[@LoriFoster]

Had a Brother In Law ask me to co sign on a refinance loan of a lot of their bills, I said sorry but no I couldn’t afford the payment. He and Sister In Law were upset her crying and him mad at me and later my wife. They guilted his brother into signing, month later moved out of the very house they were supposedly trying to save and defaulted on that loan the brother graciously signed on. Bother in-law and Sister In-law made zero payments The trouble was in both house holds and their parents and the least trouble was not in my home outside of hurt feelings this all left. I dodged a bullet 40 years ago that may have changed my families lives. 😗

[@droptozro]

I've been recommending the book "Boundaries" to everyone. I wish I could just force everyone to read it in my immediate family and friends. I just bought the audiobook the other day for a friend because I know it's the only way he'll hear it.

[@lindanguyen3928]

droptozro can I ask who the book is by ?

[@AdoreMyImages]

Linda Nguyen Henry Cloud

[@brendaowomugisha4150]

Who authored this book please?

[@smustipher]

I got this book in my early 20's and have re read it numerous times over the years. It is a lifesaver, especially if you come from an enmeshed or otherwise dysfunctional family.

[@isay207]

I love this show but was disappointed in the book what I got from it was all you have to do is pray to solve your problems a bunch of irrelevant outdated biblical quotes that have nothing to do with reality

[@thefoodwench4848]

Pay the utility directly. Don’t give her money. Then if she doesn’t do the class and prove that she did, no more help.

[@michaelh5055]

I have actually had family say their lights are about to be shut off. Can I help them prevent that from happening? I have said sure. I will use my card to make an online payment.... Suddenly, they don't need help. They have someway found a way.

[@pingupenguin2474]

Its like when a beggar says can you give him the money for the bus home as it got stolen. Funny how they back off when you offer to go with them to the bus stop and pay for their ticket to the driver !

[@engalvan]

It’s not just borrowing money for bad things. It’s borrowing money for say water heaters, ac unit repair or replace, or refrigerators. They never have emergency money and eventually will not be able to afford their mortgage. That’s scary. You will be responsible until they pass.

[@mayrajloredo87]

If I told this to my mom she would go crazy and call me ungrateful. She's mexican.

[@karenflores4987]

I know this comment is late but there is a cultural belief that children are supposed to always help parents just because they had us. Like we owe them for life for the "sacrifices" they made aka the burden of having to raise us.

[@blackjack444....]

I’d put her on time out AsaP! Even if she’s Mexican or an Orange!

[@JazminRojo]

YESSSS

[@nebulousJames12345]

You're mexican.

[@edenalekssandria]

@@karenflores4987 I'm Puerto Rican and every time my mother uses that type of comment, I think to myself "Well, then you should have chosen NOT to have kids". What did you think having kids would be like? I want to be grateful to my parents because of the love and everything they gave me and supported me with, not because they demand me to do so. If I'm obligated, it's not real.

[@jenniferj2456]

Let mom call on her face. Show her the same callousness that Dave wants parents to show their kids. Tough love as he calls it. Don't be an enabler. Tell her it's your way and your rules, or else. Tell her you love her too much to help her to use her daughter.

[@AimeePoppinBabies]

I can't believe some of these comments. You should never be giving your parents money - YOU ARE THEIR CHILD!!! 😳😳😳

[@steve41557]

Thank for speaking the Truth.

[@sassyche5489]

My mom retired with 250000. She blew her money. She didn’t pay her house off. I paid for her to get out foreclosure 5years. We fought about her paying her years ago. I have worked 2jobs to pay my house down to half. Now she wants to get loan for her house but if she don’t pay I can’t afford that. How do I help her and tell her no

[@lynnebucher6537]

Stop helping someone who insists on continuing to make self destructive money decisions. It's a black hole you will be throwing money into for the rest of her life.

[@AbdalMalik-ye1df]

say 'No'. pretty simple

[@BusArch42]

No

[@Longjohnsilver58]

I loaned money to a cousin. She never paid me back. I asked once and she pretended to forget. We’re talking several thousand dollars. She no longer speaks to me. Best money I ever spent.

[@AbdalMalik-ye1df]

could have got the same result by not giving her any money in the first place. you are not the smartest are u

[@Longjohnsilver58]

@@AbdalMalik-ye1df Apparently not

[@FuerstenbergE]

Such great advice Dave, thank you!!!

[@scentedvault3940]

She won’t co sign, grandma won’t babysit ( if there are any grandchildren ). Whenever you say no to a family member, just remember they can say no to you in the future.

[@chrisstaub5880]

Fine with me. I never base my own decisions concerning whether to help someone on whether they helped me in the past or might do so in the future.

[@hannaw193]

My mother refuses to babysit even though I help her to the tune of 500 every other month. You can’t bet on that

[@josephjakubec3171]

Won't baby sit? Who cares? They don't need to see the grand children then.

[@blackjack444....]

That’s a healthy relationship and will make both sides financially stronger 💪😎

[@choreomaniac]

There’s no comparison between a grandmother spending time with grandchildren and a daughter co-signing a loan for a parent. In 95 percent of cases, the grandparent gets far more enjoyment from spending time with a grandchild than with some other random child. It’s not primarily a financial arrangement. But a co-sign is. It’s similar to charging your adult kids rent. Most parents who have adult kids living with them would not being in random strangers as boarders when their kids leave. Their kids are easier to have as tenents. Similarly, most grandparents don’t run out to find another babysitting job when the grandkids grow older or move away. Why? Because there is a natural joy and comfort with spending time with your own grandkids.

[@73barks]

Awesome guidance. Honesty, I only watch and wait for his contagious laugh!! 😂 jk

[@anthonyquinn5927]

Omg how does this happen, you work for 40 years and nothing!!!!

[@BrianaBudgets]

8:14 I work at a small business and I had a guy call and tell me we aren’t a Christian business because we wouldn’t give him a discount. I asked him what type of discount he was interested in and he said “well because I’m a Christian. You don’t give discounts to Christians?” That was a first.

[@oilinmylamp]

I love the Boundaries book.

[@NateshasAmbience]

Wow and the guy responded with an insult: You're not a real Christian! Yeah because insulting him is gonna make him cave in...

[@lovethemflowers]

Yeah, like Dave was gonna show the guy he was too a real Christian and give him the van. If I was that guy, I'd be watching for lighting bolts striking near me!

[@renskedj]

Sounds like a sociopath I met in church.

[@alansmith1787]

I asked Dave to take a picture together. I got that. I bought my own car 🤣

[@Hugatree1]

Parents should never ask kids for money, ever! The exception being the child is a multi multi millionaire and they sent them through college!

[@radolfkalis4041]

Sometimes things happen, and folks need help. I would not have a problem helping my mother with money if she needed it, but my mother is not irresponsible.

[@OurFarmLife]

Hahaha I need to use that line. God told me that you were going to buy me a new car! I doubt it will work!!!

[@PhilRisher]

Thanks Dave!

[@fredricaanderson7071]

Hometown, Columbia SC! Dealing with the same family issues.

[@jillstover8782]

Yes many people dont do money AT ALL WITH LOGIC

[@fpl_bailey]

"last night pizza" 😂😂😂😂

[@isay207]

Last night booze or meth

[@AH-bm4ts]

Actually, the Asian parent/(adult) child dynamic is an interesting study. The remedy to which is applying Bible principles💁🏾‍♂️📕

[@amiroarrr]

what if you already co-signed for a home loan 5 years ago and there seem to be no way out now? :(

[@Mariaortiz-ec5kt]

You keep the house after they are gone .

[@davidking4779]

30+ years living on tax payer money.

[@newtonraymond77]

Same scenario when your pastor tells you that God told him that you have to pay for his next midlife crisis

[@A.S2400]

Don’t pay pastors a dime !

[@rebeccaweinstein6560]

Mom needs a part time job

[@Scouthide]

For my hubs and MIL

[@andrewt406]

As someone who doesn’t believe in god the story at the end is pretty funny

[@jomama5186]

Tell her to get a life!

[@Mongo-ui1ll]

First off, if i have it, no one i love will go without.

[@ec1385]

Mark 10:21 Then Jesus beholding him loved him, and said unto him, One thing thou lackest: go thy way, sell whatsoever thou hast, and give to the poor, and thou shalt have treasure in heaven: and come, take up the cross, and follow me. 22 And he was sad at that saying, and went away grieved: for he had great possessions. 23 And Jesus looked round about, and saith unto his disciples, How hardly shall they that have riches enter into the kingdom of God! 24 And the disciples were astonished at his words. But Jesus answereth again, and saith unto them, Children, how hard is it for them that trust in riches to enter into the kingdom of God! 25 It is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle, than for a rich man to enter into the kingdom of God.

[@john1425]

Thats right Eric. None of this Dave Ramsey stuff is biblical. Jesus was a big ol bum.

[@Arun71150]

Me :-(

[@KevinGonzalez33470]

Leave her by the side of the road. You can’t fix stupid and Mom (likely a single Mom who made stupid moral decisions as well as financial ones) will never learn no matter how hard you try. Love has limits and this is “Exhibit A”

[@x-mess]

Oof!! Don't talk bad about the sacred cow... aka single mothers !!

[@bmaiceman]

Oh come on. I would gzve given him a van..... ....... .. .. A HOT WHEEL VAN... 😲😲

[@Cosmetix.ink.studio]

I have a very weird mom

[@normabarros3124]

Amen

[@justdont2019]

“Boundaries”...a book that enables smug, “better than they deserve” people to disown any moral responsibility to care for their family. It’s so nice that modern financial tools have made abandoning people (even family) such a sterile, mega-church, condoned activity. A lot of smug people are getting ready to lose everything, and should.

[@Rebecca.xoxoxo]

If their family doesn’t want to care for themselves then it’s not their responsibility!! You must be one of the lazy family members who need help 😂

[@dcg590]

Wrong. If people are irresponsible, trying to help them become more stable is helping. Giving anything does not help. Look at the welfare. Keep giving money and no one ever gets off it. They stay poor and become even more entitled.

[@Cosmetix.ink.studio]

She likes yoga a LOT

[@ithacacomments4811]

Jesus did not call people twerps.

[@ransom182]

So if another Christian says they have a vision and you don’t like it you can call them crazy. Give me a break. Talking with god is always crazy. Wake up.

[@happygirl7258]

ransom182 God loves you

[@remysonders406]

No you wake up

[@ransom182]

Remy Sonders I don’t believe in a magic sky god

[@remysonders406]

@@ransom182 he is not a magic sky God

[@ransom182]

Remy Sonders that’s exactly how you people describe him. But believe what you want I don’t care, just don’t force it on the rest of us.

[@ckycampkillurself]

1st

[@john1425]

So hilarious listening to two adults argue about what their imaginary friend said to them this morning.

[@JonO387]

So, Dave decides who talks to their god now? Wow...

[@ernestineblackie369]

JonO387 hi God would inform both parties if God wants you to do something or say something.

[@JonO387]

Ernestine Blackie If anyone hears someone talking to them in their mind, they need professional help.

[@kb1236]

So, God told me that @Jon0387 was going to give me a New Van because Dave won't. Remember you can't decide who talks to God, so hand it over.