How to Make Small Talk | The Distilled Man

Small talk can be awkward for many people, and often you might think "why bother?" with talking on such a surface level.
Yet, being able to have a basic conversation with someone you've never met can go a long way in helping you connect with other people-whether professionally or personally.
In this video, Kyle Ingham of The Distilled Man provides an in-depth tutorial on how to improve your small talk.
It covers:
Why small talk is an important skill
2 ways to make small talk work for you
The biggest mistake people make with small talk
The (not so) secret formula for starting a conversation with anyone
Original Distilled Man post:
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[@Nunyabeeswax777]

Talk to old people. Trust me, you want to practice your small talk skills you will gain the chance to learn from someone who isn't in a hurry and values conversation.

[@Thedistilledman1]

I love that! Great suggestion.

[@truelily7]

I am older and I find that younger people don't seem to get the little light and humorous exchanges older people tend to have. I am southern and I grew up with comments like, " What did you go and make it rain for?", or " Hot enough for you?" Oh, and a general sense American one " Well, you're living the life of Riley", from the old tv series. When I run across someone who uses this these types of expressions it feels like home. I am liberal and not prudish but I get a bit tired of hearing people use the F word constantly and casually.

[@gregoryblanco4429]

This was great, thanks, I've been looking for "how to become self confident person" for a while now, and I think this has helped. You ever tried - Ganatad Confidence carborundum - (do a google search ) ? It is a great exclusive product for gaining confidence and self-esteem minus the normal expense. Ive heard some interesting things about it and my co-worker got cool success with it.

[@jumpmanyang3117]

@@truelily7 only low-class people use F words. None of my friends use any F words. I'm a 25 years old Christian convert.

[@THE-WAY_THE-TRUTH_THE-LIFE.]

This is a great idea. They can tell life stories for hours, and then they will just forget everything later. Thanks.

[@TheToneBender]

Doesn't work. I started talking to a girl in the park and she replied with "what chandelier are you talking about and who are the johnsons?"

[@user-kq5sc9fb8i]

Ricky LOL

[@Atlstreetpodcast2.0]

i see what you did there.

[@JackEacher]

its still funny after a year

[@sk8ingthemystery]

when you get anxious about small talk from watching a video about how to small talk

[@agapon2023]

I think This is because he just mocks shy people when he acts them

[@Re-bl5sr]

😂

[@user-jn7mv4gl1r]

Bro stop being a anti social fuck

[@locuyennguyen2538]

In a world where ppl think they can make connections through tinder and express emotions with emojis, I applaud you for bringing back the art of human interaction! Great job.

[@Thedistilledman1]

thank you so much!

[@utalanci9816]

Loc Uyen Nguyen Valuable in any times.:)

[@anuka5336]

I subscribed, I was hesitant at first because this channels seems to be targeted to men, but the content is just so interesting and my socially awkward self needs this..

[@Thedistilledman1]

Glad you're finding it helpful, Nana!

[@narrelleweir6383]

I am female as well. Good to read & listen from a male's point of view.

[@Atlstreetpodcast2.0]

lol

[@Thedistilledman1]

Making small talk can sometimes be awkward. In this video, learn how to master small talk and feel confident talking to anyone. #conversationskills #smalltalk

[@Thedistilledman1]

Majikat I hear you. But you may just be thinking about it too much. What naturally tends to happen is that the conversation starts out superficial, and then someone will mention something that gets the group conversation juices flowing, and then you're not worrying about it anymore. Or people will end up pairing off into side conversations, since it can be difficult to maintain everyone's interest in a group conversation.

[@treeguyty3297]

@The Distilled Man Big ups to you dude you’ve successfully breached the barrier between sociology and psychology and brought it to hospitality. In my opinion every new entrant to hospitality needs to see this video. In all honesty I wish this was available to me 4 years ago, it looks at human interaction in a deeper light 👏🏼

[@alexateders2174]

This guy just talked to himself for 13 minutes, I can't even talk to someone for 13 seconds

[@Kipplz]

how do feel about your social skills now?

[@mrjakub-tn5dv]

I loved the video and learned a lot. I disagree that life would be more awkward without small talk, though. This is based on a premise that we need to be constantly talking about something, and build rapport with everybody we meet. If we spent our time doing something productive rather than talking about meaningless stuff with people we are not meant to connect with, the world would be much better place.

[@nobunagav3]

Watching this video actually made me realize how irrational my fear of small talk was and that I'm actually totally competent. Big confidence boost. Thanks, a lot Kyle; keep up the great work.

[@Thedistilledman1]

nobunagav3 thanks! Glad you found it helpful. Cheers!

[@em1tulsa]

My thoughts, exactly. There have been troubled situations where getting a conversation off the ground seemed impossible, and time or circumstances simply prevented any success. Easy to focus on the "failures". But in the bigger picture there have been more than enough pleasant interactions to ease the fears of future awkwardness. Thanks for the excellent video, Kyle.

[@Thedistilledman1]

Michael W Thanks Michael!

[@TheMrPeltz]

I don't know why this doesn't have more views. More people should watch this because it often happens to me that people just shut down the smalltalk with very simple answers instead of realizing that small talk is just a temporal state...

[@timetravelmm3042]

Yes.

[@aaronkaminski9357]

Hey look, it's Chris Pine!

[@Thedistilledman1]

Ha. Thanks...I guess I've been called worse... :-)

[@reikisponge]

The Distilled Man Haley Joel Osment after make-over and weight loss? LOL, just kidding.... I do see some similarity between you two :) That's my small talk.. sudden crack of whatever, and then... silence.... You don't look like you read a script. You are successful in showing how much you know your stuff. Thanks for the tip.

[@ethanSADTP]

+Aaron Kaminski i thought ryan reynolds

[@jv200909]

Good advise. Although I dislike small talks and hope that one day another form of meaningful communication will replace the nonsense of small talk. Most people just hate it.

[@jv200909]

Ooops, wrong thread. I was replying to nathaniel byrd who suggested practicing small talk with old people.

[@francy2127]

And the old school conversation uses decent words & correct grammar. 🤗

[@truelily7]

I enjoy small talk. I find it comforting. This is especially the case when I am having a traumatic day or week. Just someone remarking, " This rain is really something" or " Aren't these nice looking apples", can distract me from the heavier issues in my life. If the whole world, as we know it, came to an end I think we would long for these types of exchanges between people.

[@monolithicshore]

I start talking about weather if I need to fill awkward silences X'D But I am pretty professional at small talk. I don't even think that small talk exists. I just talk about anything because I'm curious about anything. And this is how you start connecting or not with anyone. I see if we share same interests. When you find the shared interests it's precious from then on.

[@sometimesismile]

All my fellow introverts stand up! Lol

[@jaspergabriels8933]

Very good vid! I have autism and being social and connect with new people and make new friends is really a fight forvme

[@skillabr1832]

"I need you to tell me your position on abortion and your deep seeded religious beliefs" I'm perfectly okay with this.

[@Thedistilledman1]

John, are you saying you're okay with jumping right to the tough questions, without any warm up?

[@Jess-nz7be]

The Distilled Man Yes i think he is!

[@skillabr1832]

The Distilled Man Yes. I'd rather get to know someone that way than waste time with talking about nothing important.

[@Atlstreetpodcast2.0]

sounds legit to me

[@THE-WAY_THE-TRUTH_THE-LIFE.]

@@skillabr1832 But small talk is filled with "nothing important". That's the point to small talk man. Ironically you don't know how to make small talk man.

[@maidaabrar17]

How to have a small talk Its all about making people feel nice Open body language take more space Move hands Touch At a party ask strangers how they become friends with the host Start by complementing Dont just say yes no ask back a question At party start with the location and environment say its really cold here isnt it or i really love the vibe the cake was amazing How do you know the johnsons

[@6a6ylam6]

I'm not necessarily your target demographic, but I'm loving this channel. I like keeping these skills fresh and your delivery is humourous, without being over the top or insincere. Excited to see more

[@athilnaur]

Thanks Kyle (spelling?), I really enjoyed your video. For a long time I dismissed small talk as 'small talk for small people', until I realised that it was stopping me from building friendships and networks. I have improved a lot since then, but your video offered me some new insights. One tip I'd like to share that I have found works well for me - when meeting new people, ensure you remember their name, even if it means you miss a part of what they say next. One way of doing that is to deliberately use their name back to them in the conversation. Being able to recall someone's name when you see them next is a huge enabler for conversation, and great for rapport too. There is nothing more awful than seeing that person you spoke to and liked next week, but who you are afraid to speak to or introduce because you can't recall their name. Full points also Kyle for the attributions to other authors; helpful and a great way to show integrity and build credibility. Regards Chris Rowntree

[@Thedistilledman1]

Thanks so much, Chris! and thanks for the additional tip--definitely agree that remembering and using someone's name can be a great way to build rapport. Yes, you spelled my name correctly, by the way ("Kyle"). Way to reinforce your own point! :-) thanks again, Chris!

[@goodmorning2570]

lol I'd hate to meet a person like me! As a matter of the fact, when I meet a fellow Russian abroad we tend to avoid each other and this is a weird kind of thing among all Russians.

[@Sorryscene]

Антон Суров I'm not Russian but because you are, I would avoid you too.

[@lifebeelifebee9214]

OMG so true! I am Russian, and I live in rural America, with zero russian population, but I live 10 min away from popular ski resort where I take kids often. I usually chill inside waiting for them, and I don;t recall a day without hearing Russian speech - folks who come for a day from Chicago. I don;t approach anyone anymore, but I tried, and never ever a Russian person, no matter male or female, or a couple or a group were willing to communicate besides unfriendly nod and looking away . It was always puzzling to me LOL

[@coolvet27]

What's worse is finding a person that posses the trait you least likes about yourself, but your not mad because you know how they feel

[@TheToneBender]

Dutch people make a friendly comment, indicating that they are Dutch as well followed by ignoring each other and never speaking again

[@slappy8941]

I've noticed that with Russians I've known in America; none of them want anything to do with other Russians.

[@imabelieberforsure]

his eyes

[@timetravelmm3042]

His eyes what?

[@namrataanushashiyadav238]

It is lovely hearing you.... Be it table manners or small talks.

[@Thedistilledman1]

thank you very much for saying that!

[@jpalpharo4304]

Why don't they teach it in school? So people can go to the distilled man

[@Thedistilledman1]

ha! yes, thanks JP!

[@BlackAcePlays]

I despise smalltalk, especially in emails. It is dishonest and unnecessary BS. Whenever someone asks me how I am, I usually answer with something like "Bad, my dog died" or "Not so well, my hemorrhoids hurt" and if that person asks me again I'd usually say "Thanks, fantastic, my hemmorrhoids popped today". xD

[@SirPeteWindsor]

The free information is also called key words that may /should be used to make the conversation going on. Never, but never ask closed questions (yes or no), and regarding to the body language, try to smile (a real one: mouth and eyes), and the illustrators (hands: palms up - this makes the other person feel that you won't go harm her/him). Subtle things make all the difference.

[@splashlog01]

Totally unrelated question, what do you use in your hair?

[@chumadoshi6987]

splashlog01 Cum

[@johnsolodovesky582]

if you like sports and you're into sports, you have a great advantage with small talk.

[@NullPxl]

John Solodovesky ... if the other person likes sports

[@annalizabartholomew6199]

I like sorts and I’m into it but I have never had a conversation on sports 😂

[@truelily7]

If you like sports.

[@jamieharper5665]

Chris Pine?? :O Just kidding great video though pal! Just got your 48 Hour Gentleman book and it's brill.

[@acc0bra1]

Very helpful, great presentation of topic thank you!

[@ronaldogaro3575]

This was a great video man and very useful to me.

[@johanncross]

Here in Brazil we call small talk "Conversa Fiada" hahah yes. I was not expecting to be convinced that small talk is actually this useful thanks

[@Kipplz]

hahaha, as a Mexican, it seems to me that, that translates to "Failed Conversation" it's quite the opposite, like launch fuel for good "real" conversation.

[@vanessa271]

You are GRRRRREAT! I just subscribed.

[@OmarSerrano27]

Hey Kyle, I know you might be busy but you should post videos more often... I’m interested in some of your cooking videos if that makes it easier. Cheers!

[@BeOutstanding]

Great Content Thank You Tdm Find common ground Ask open Make a statement, then ask More richness Seize the info Hw u make them feel Body, ton, img

[@timetravelmm3042]

So this is what you do when you're not making movies. Cute.

[@miryamishot]

How about when coworkers over do the conversation? Some people tend to repeat themselves or talk about emotional personal things and then the great conversation turns into “wish I would have kept this at small talk”

[@Thedistilledman1]

then you can always use some of the tips from my video on "How to Get Out of a Conversation": kzbin.info/www/bejne/gZ-Yln5-obV3Zs0

[@p.7489]

Social interaction is so hard for me. I feel like it’s hard for me to be myself around strangers because I always want everyone to like me so I hold back to not rub anyone the wrong way with my personality.

[@Kipplz]

it is scientifically proven that people think they are more disliked than they really are. don't stress it too much; people like a getting a strong sense of individuality from you, as long as you also give a strong sense of empathy as well. think of asking light-pressure, relatable questions you yourself would answer with joy and carelessness. hope this advice is worth something to you.

[@ruthverijnikova9907]

Yeah when people mirror me, it freaks me out. Even subtly.

[@kaykwanu]

Me: How do you know the Johnsons? Her: I have a boyfriend.

[@saldb]

Life

[@mikebingham9700]

You: I have a Boyfriend to. Let's all go out together sometime? Her: I was lying I don't have a boyfriend. i just said that because you are not good looking!

[@dansom3223]

if only we didn't live in a world full of self-absorbed, small minded people who would run at the hint of any intellectual conversation about things that really matter. You know the world is full of them, those who need small talk. You know what i think, small talk is for small minded people. Lets face it, no small talk genius has ever given you the things that humanity enjoys. I love people who hate small-talk and it so happens that most of those who do have taken humanity on massive leaps!

[@jv200909]

Yes, small talk should be replaced with something more meaningful or even just something more comforting when we see our neighbors, relatives we had not seen for a long time, strangers at a party or just anyone. Small talks waste time and energy.

[@onilregeats6599]

Its not like small talk was invented by someone, its been there since the beginning and is a human way of communicating. I also would doubt that being bad at small talk and being a genius is in any way relatable, its probably more that most geniuses are introvertet. But there are many succsesfull people just bevause they are good at small talk.

[@MegaMissfitz]

honestly foamy id have been in there over hour and a half! i just couldnt deal with the small talk 😷😷😷

[@kingofwii]

Can you turn the volume up for the next videos? Have to boost it up real high...

[@tenochtitilian]

Love the ending

[@SPeeDKiLL45]

9:24 why is this response so funny hahaahahahhaahahah

[@Deno-uw8im]

found out about this site while I was looking for an activity for my ESL students -small talk! :)) I found many useful things regarding the men & style.many men do lack style. but remember not to overdo, then it is really unattractive. ;)

[@Thedistilledman1]

Deniz Ekin Thanks! Appreciate the kind words.

[@timons777]

Nice voice, charisma, material! Like and subscription!

[@Thedistilledman1]

thanks Liam!

[@bodaciouscowboy]

Nice haircut, Distilled Man!

[@AlmostHomeRealEstateServices]

I realize how important small talk is in the grand scheme of being a great communicator, it's a start, I hate small talk, but I appreciate your tips and I'm willing to get better at it than I am now. Thanks again Kyle! - Chris Richard Operations Manager - Almost Home Real Estate Services almosthomefl.com

[@aumeegurung7381]

He is so hot.. I like him though

[@kookoo4mike]

Is it just me or does the Distilled man look like Tom Hanks and Ryan Reynolds rolled into one?

[@Thedistilledman1]

Ha, I don't think I've heard that one before...

[@sarahrankin4682]

Love this. I have insomnia and for years I would tell people that I have trouble turning off the "mind chatter."

[@cocs88715]

Traveling to our headquarter office in a few weeks and meeting my team mates for the first time after working with them remotely for a year… I am kinda nervous…small talks at work is never my strong suit😅

[@josen4real5]

How to make small talk with people of other races or cultural differences. That's where people tend to have the most awkward conversations or lack there of. Piece of advice, don't lead the conversation with stereotypes and hot topics from Facebook! Hahaha. Also, know that you don't have to talk about things you're not familiar. Never fake it til you make it. You only need to be honest and confident in who you are... never shrink to make others comfortable with you.

[@FawwazSyarif]

Hey look, it's Forrest Gump!

[@TheIntJuggler]

+Fawwaz Syarif Hey hows it going?

[@chumadoshi6987]

Fawwaz Syarif Stop insulting your father

[@miryamishot]

Lmao!

[@postcodeox278]

I hate small talk... If its deep and meaningful I am there, but if your talking but how to pay your bills online I am bored

[@ImranChaudhry]

Surprised you used the phrase "suss out", its British slang! Is it making its way stateside?

[@Thedistilledman1]

Ha! Imran Chaudhry , yes, I guess I did. I like it...not sure if other Yanks are using it much. My wife watches a lot of British television, so that could be how it seeped in...

[@thefeaj]

but nobody is like me

[@xhuyentran]

exactly...

[@HinaKhan-hg8bm]

most of the persons r rude over here but em really a big fan ov u kyle u r just perfect i want to be a person like u... having same thoughts like u 😊

[@Thedistilledman1]

thanks Hina!

[@HinaKhan-hg8bm]

kyle! i really like u seriously 😍

[@HinaKhan-hg8bm]

The Distilled Man n yuppp wanna talk to u privately 😶

[@nicoleweigelt3938]

I still kinda find this and his techniques awkward

[@annajackson1238]

this helped

[@agapon2023]

I hate handsome people, but I've subscribed in spite of it

[@ksujalpatel]

Can't believe this video is still adding value to my and numerous people life. 8 years ago, Thanks Kyle much helpful!

[@nayadarellano6869]

My small talk with you would start with... " Star Trek was an interesting movie... btw has anyone ever told you you look a lot like Chris Pine? :D"

[@DanielGarcia-hq9gg]

My only problem is when I do make a connection and exchange info or contacts. I never follow up as the other party is genuinely interested. Am I antisocial or uninterested?

[@christinab.2864]

I could be better but my parents need this more than I do. They don’t talk. I could talking having a conversations having questions for clarity and they will start drama that I don’t need.

[@Rei_Retto.]

You saved my social life,thank you

[@bjosephine4308]

You are not doing small talk so I am gonna fast forward...

[@kayingthao5072]

Thanks so much! I start a new job soon and making new connections is making me nervous but your video is so helpful.

[@Kosackk]

"She was offering free information about herself" ... Which could have led to a friendship or maybe even a marriage if thats what you aim for lol! Just starting talking to someone can open up so many closed doors! Its fascinating sometimes how interractions with other people can end up!

[@LB-ku6ry]

Thank you. I just found your channel, and I’m loving it.

[@dongheng6613]

I am happy to talk to people I don't know unless they are rude.

[@IWantToStayAtYourHouse]

Sufficient Eye contact is the most valuable asset to building rapport, in combination with small talk. Btw last time I tried to small talk the other person would just shrug me off. Made me scared of small talks but watching this video gave me a confidence boost. Thanks :D

[@mikebingham9700]

I talk to my friend on the phone and say Hi Steve, what have you been up to? Steve: Not much hes saus but doesn't ask me the same question. So I just start telling him what I have been up to like I trimed all my bushes, washed the car cleaned my kitchen floor. After saying all that he's goes silent and says nothing. I have to pummel him with questions in order to keep the conversation going. This isn't fun! If I didn't ask him questions he would still be silent. Quite awkward. These are the kinds of situations these you tube guys don't talk about.

[@babtougirl]

well i guess, just like everything else in this life it doesn't work ALL THE TIME, with anyone, it always depends on people, context, etc. may be he was mourning someone? who knows...

[@timetravelmm3042]

Small talk eh? Never heard of it but I think I like it. I'll try it some time.

[@thesweetgirl417]

How do you start the conversation with family?

[@hjerneStimulanz]

nice guy

[@needsleep1538]

who is this for?

[@angeloarcilla3462]

man you are brilliant human being, almost want to small talk to the screen

[@lynnwalker3503]

I think one reason many don't seem very good or skilled at small talk today is because too many people have their nose glued to their cell phone screens.

[@timetravelmm3042]

Cell phones are interesting eh?

[@THE-WAY_THE-TRUTH_THE-LIFE.]

How to make small talk: Step 1: Make small talk.

[@anthonyrodriguez7218]

Anyone try these tips with success I'm excited to incorporate some of these to further imrpove my future business skills!

[@narrelleweir6383]

anthony rodriguez It works. My father told me similar things, including body language.

[@ActionMovieVideos]

Thank you for the video! Very helpful, I'll give it a Like and probably watch it again later so I can keep those tips in mind, they're very useful.

[@KyleIngham1]

Thanks! Glad you found it helpful.

[@sophiealli2493]

This guy right here is why I'll become more confident.When I can have small talk with people who once intimidated me, he'll be the reason why...

[@Thedistilledman1]

Haha, thanks Sophie!

[@nicestuff8755]

this was great ill listen to it till is sinc in my subconscious mind

[@PopleBackyardFarm]

small talk is very important

[@mustang9724]

he looks slight bit of ryan reynolds and then i started looking at him than what he is saying LOL

[@mikebingham9700]

He looks like Betty White? What?

[@firetail006]

An unconventional taste in anything, be it accessories or rides, is one guaranteed opening to start a small talk.

[@Thedistilledman1]

Totally agree, Terry. I think it's similar to that technique of trying to provide over the top detail when you tell someone something--providing rich content for the other person to work with (like, as you say, an unconventional preference or opinion) makes it a lot easier for them to have something grab onto and relate to (or disagree with!)

[@ashleyslingers2814]

I completely resonate with the example of yourself and the client. On point

[@Thedistilledman1]

thanks Ashley! Glad you found it helpful!

[@xoxovolo1524]

Loved this video. Thank you!

[@pishangemas]

Good video. Thank you for this.

[@Leo-jo8lw]

What’s your name❌ tell me about the origins of the label you’ve been given at birth✅

[@foziaAMS]

Name of the books anyone?

[@albertc953]

1:32 video starts

[@streb6]

Sounds creepy ? !

[@203suresh]

Very good❤❤❤

[@Maxwellp101]

Middle school edition

[@cawabonga1991]

Chris Pine?

[@ashleyslingers2814]

I like the convo starter

[@Thedistilledman1]

thanks so much, Ashley!

[@mrrickstur]

How to make small talk: Don't

[@Thedistilledman1]

That's one approach. So you just straight to the tough questions and deep conversation, eh? How does that go?