How to mind control your spouse // How to get what you want

[@katiejean4306]

My grandma always said the key to a good marriage is to make them think everything is their idea, and then praise them, praise them, praise them. 😂😂😂

[@chakory3590]

my gan told me the same thing praise and feed them and they'll do whatever you want

[@kyarson]

Kate Ames I believe all men need this praise thing a lot.

[@angelinapineiro4364]

Oh so like with cats! And certain other animals! When training an animal, especially cats, you want to convince them that they’re the ones doing what you asked but by choice. So make it seem as if it was their choice, like they’re doing it - not cause you asked but profoundly because they want to. 💕🤗🐾🥰🐈🐈🐕😜

[@daniellepatton2665]

So like having dogs and cats ❤👍

[@LadyLovelyLox777]

Refer to “My Big Fat Greek Wedding” where the Mother says “The man might be the head, but the woman is the neck - and she can turn that head any way she wants...”

[@laurenturtle5352]

That is literally what I thought of 🤣

[@Mushroom321-]

exactly!!, i was thinking of the same thing. 🤣 yes!, my grandma said the same thing before i married.😂

[@24karatekid]

Ugh...gross but good to know. my wife gets really frustrated when I don't know what she wants and hates when I ask what she wants. I suppose she turns my head in directions I wouldn't want via tactics but I think it often hurts both of us when she does.

[@PamelaJLamon]

I got my husband to paint a bookcase by simply saying I needed to find someone who would do a good job on it!

[@ksharpe8137]

I’ve been guilty of doing that myself. 😂

[@nessyness5447]

In spain, the best way to get any man to do what you want is saying " no hay huevos/ no tienes cojones" it literally translates as " you don't have the balls to ...." Works every time, it's been tested.

[@35mayocynthia]

LOL reverse psychology

[@Heartwing37]

I feel like that’s a classic!

[@MrsWheezer]

Kim!!!! You’re not supposed to tell. 😂 Yes, this is how women typically exert power. It’s not just husbands, either. I can’t count how many times I’ve influenced my boss using a very similar technique. It does mean I don’t get credit for the idea, though.

[@M2deeD]

MrsWheezer how? What did u do?

[@thump72]

The Dad judge rules in your wife's favor, my wife told me so. Lol

[@shywolf4]

"It is wise to persuade people to do things and make them think it was their own idea". - Nelson Mandela

[@eileenwelter90]

I do this all the time with my husband. Then whenever he “comes up” with it I always say “wow honey great idea”.

[@jenniferghent532]

Penns face with the realization that this was really all true!!! Love it.

[@unidolls4884]

Moms have powers. They have eyes on the back of their heads😂 that’s why you don’t mess with your wife/mom...

[@debmarrett212]

This is THE funniest video of yours...because it's true! It's the guys fault we have to do this. If we come right out and tell you what we want, it is shut down (married almost 36 years). I need to take lessons from Kim though! She is the master!

[@24karatekid]

Imagine this technique stopped working for you and you actually had to be direct about what you want from your husband and negotiate for what you want from him. If anything I shut down at the slightest inkling of manipulative or coercive tactics being employed (the opposite of being direct and reciprocal). Glad it works for you. Hope it works for your husband too.

[@amirasindi2429]

It's really a compliment to Penn that he cares about making Kim happy and considers her seeds...I mean thoughts and feelings when making these decisions...all on his own 😉

[@jfr7160]

100% agree! I do it all the time! I tell him “you” said we would do this... remember??! Haha! . We’ve built a new patio, new front porch, tiles the floors... all my ideas that I put inside his head to make him think it was all his! Otherwise NOTHING WOULD EVER HAPPEN!! Haha

[@Vir2ousWarrior]

JustJanet that is true when u said 'otherwise nothing would ever happen" so true, so true, indeed LOL

[@Mushroom321-]

😲🥳

[@Love001u]

👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻😂😂😂

[@bygraceonly182]

This made me laugh so hard... all my dreams might come true!!?!

[@christinabell9557]

I guess that I have been looking at this "gift" the wrong way all this time. My husband and I have been together since November 1996. For as long as I can remember, anytime I suggest something, be it something we do, how something gets done, it doesn't matter, if it is coming out of my mouth it is wrong, can't be done, etc.. Later either he will come up with the exact same thing or a buddy of his will and it is the best thing he has ever heard. It usually makes me want to explode. I didn't realize that what I have been doing is planting the seeds and when he "comes up with a plan" this is the flower that I have been waiting for. Thank you so much for explaining this. Now what to plan next. Hhhhmmmmmm!

[@lilannegirl03]

this is EXACTLY what happens with me and my husband!!! I guess I should change my perspective, too? 🤷🏼‍♀️😅

[@estherventura-damico7901]

My mother says they all usually do that at one time or another.

[@trentargante8384]

LOL! I use this very method to effect change at our division, and I have been for over 20 years. This method was used to get our entire filing system re-arranged. And, Kim is right - it takes a looong time. And, guess what? I was raised by women mwahaha!

[@jrubio84]

I’m gonna need to see this yellow dining room.

[@ZIPCORD]

There is 3-1/2 years difference between my wife and myself. Virtually every time I suggest something (example - the house NEEDS painting) I get a resounding, "NO!" Three and a half years later..., she brings the idea up as if I had never discussed it before. Like what, the benefit of taking some action is age related??? They can't see the peeling paint at age 37-1/2 but at age 40 they can? Frankly I don't know what is harder, the initial, "No," or that anytime I have an idea I know I will have to wait the 3-1/2 years for it to come to fruition. I do not know why it takes 3-1/2 years for her to see what is so blatantly obvious at the time??? Sadly the benefits of what I had initially suggested are diminished if not negated (damage to the house due to lack of paint) by the time she thinks the idea is valid. I don't see mind control in our case but two people who are living in two distinct time zones and an age related blindness to the obvious. BTW, married 39 years..., or is it 35-1/2 years. LOL

[@naowright9308]

I love Kim's angelic smile during all this.

[@tammymckinley9623]

Yep,its a thing! Whispering it while hubby sleeps is also useful

[@juzoli]

Penn, you chose yellow because you knew your wife loves that color. You paid attention, and you remembered what she said half year earlier. You should be proud of that, and take credit for it.

[@barbspaulding3961]

This is going to be so helpful!! Thank you! I agree that it is always much easier when it's "his idea", but i was unaware of the steps to make it his idea.

[@kareenfredborg6139]

It’s in the motherhood genes. We are the natural experts on relationships and keeping the family together so it just makes sense. Besides it all works better with the male ego if he thinks it is his idea. It also passes through generations. When my mom passed away I took on keeping my dad organized.

[@24karatekid]

What also helps the male ego is asking for what you want, letting him do it without impediment, and saying thank you when he is done. That way he feels needed, respected, useful, and appreciated.

[@mendyburgasser4414]

OMGosh... I did this with my former husband all the time. It developed out of necessity because everytime I made a suggestion he would tell me all the ways/reasons it wouldn't work. I began to notice that 3-6 months later it would come back as his own idea with no recollection of my ever mentioning it. Hence, mind control in that relationship was born. My current is much more accepting of my input... usually. So I use it much less frequently now. 😊

[@jenniferlee2498]

Yes!!!!!! 😂😂😂 I just recently did this with our upstairs bathroom. A year ago we talked about repainting and he went for this super crazy bright blue that I hated! We want to sell in a few years and not only did I think bright blue was awful, knew it wouldn't sell and wanted a grey or neutral color and even with that logic my husband still wanted the blue!!! So I waited a few month and started talking about how our cabinets were looking awful and needed repainted. Said, hey maybe something bright to offset the dark wood, what do you think?! He suggested a blue and we found this gorgeous blue and I did a lime wash....HE then said, oh you know what wall color would look great?! A light grey! BOOM. Thanks babe, such a great idea "you" had!!!!!!! 😆🙄

[@iriskm239]

Mom was a master at this. I never had the patience. I'm divorced and firmly, joyfully single. My parents were happily married for 63 years until dad passed away.

[@juliemeadows3952]

So true. I do it all the time with hubby. I mention something, he says absolutely not. I just say ok, just a thought. I have planted the seed. Eventually, he comes around.Example, I wanted a pergola on our deck. I mentioned it would be beautiful. No, never, no way. So a few months later he was complaining that the deck didn't have any shade in the late afternoon. Hmmm, what to do? He said, "What about a pergola?" What a great idea. Pergola just finished last week. Score! North Carolina has brutal winters? Ha, you wouldn't survive in Chicago! 😊

[@extrovertedintrovert2900]

"The man may be the head of the house, but the woman is the neck, and she can turn the head any way she wants" -My Big Fat Greek Wedding

[@whistlenaway3660]

Oh my gosh I didn't even realize it but I totally do this to my husband!! Poor guys hahaha

[@deborahrozanitis2812]

I do not do this with my husband.Basically he just loves to make me happy so I just am like” Can I…? “ And he says “Yes!” But Yes” I think it’s a thing. I once asked a elderly woman what was her secret to her and her husbands long marriage. She smiled at me and said”. Always make sure your husband is in control but make sure you really are. He just has to think he is not actually be in control!” Then she winked at me. Lol!

[@littlelana696]

Yep, if i need something done or fixed I usually say “I need to look up a video on how to do X, or I need to find someone who knows how to do X” he jumps up and volunteers every time. Man pride. Gets him every time.

[@randomspirit]

My ex was the best handyman in town, always in demand. And yet, he would NEVER do anything around OUR house which drove me nuts, (especially when other women would tell me how lucky I was to be married to such a handy guy...). Anyway, it took awhile, but I eventually figured out the key to getting him to do stuff at our house....I would choose a moment when he was home and didn't have anywhere he had to be, and then I would start doing the project myself...but intentionally wrong...which drove him crazy....so he would snatch the tools away and tell me to get out of his way and then take over and finish the project. :D

[@shelbyewebb9040]

Thanks for the tips Kim! I will use these on my parents, friends etc.

[@lisakourkafas6410]

You're not supposed to tell Kim. I got my husband to paint the basement purple 💜 my favourite colour even though he spends the majority of time down there .

[@snowonder024]

Dad did not want to wash the windows (who would?) so Mom got the ladder out and said she would do it. Dad did not want her to kill herself, so he washed the windows! that's how Mom got Dad to wash the windows. :D

[@moonshine4049]

Its obvious Penn that we wives will always maintain the power. oh and also ... When the deciding question is asked to the husband and the answer isn’t what the wife wants she will answer you with “that sounds interesting” or “I will have to try and imagine that” or “that sounds like a good idea but lets explore other options” then the mind control level steps up another notch so we still get our way. - but I am not giving that secret away... Then every so often and we throw you a bone and enthusiastically agree with something you came up with on your own and really want just to keep you under our spell hehehehe.

[@claudiamiller7730]

ummmm…..I would NEVER use mind control in my marriage (on a consistent basis that could be tracked and used in court as evidence against me).💙

[@PIF95]

If I want something from my husband, I just ask him. It really can be that simple.

[@KALMG]

Yes!! This is true and I do it all the time with hubby. I circle around the idea, never being direct untill the husband come up with the idea you wanted in the first place.

[@amberwheeler2905]

I love all your videos. They make the day better

[@bonniepetterson3299]

I have questions! How long do you have to wait inbetween each step? And how do you casually tell them to imagine something without it being weird?

[@jessieross669]

Hi Holderness family! Love all your videos!

[@ramzgirl]

All the time!!!! The gentle art of suggestion is a womans best friend!

[@michelleschultz3555]

Actually, my husband does it to me because I am a wee bit stubborn and perhaps unreasonable at times when it comes to anything new. He has told me “if you let Michelle think it’s her idea then she’ll go along with it.” Yup. I do a lot of retail therapy. 🙂

[@thomassisk7669]

I refer you back to your "I didn't screw up that bad" video. So do you really care if she plants seeds of this in your head.

[@marceladelfino8544]

OMG! So useful information that can apply now with my husband! ;)

[@michaelritchie5303]

The look at 4:26 is how my wife gets me to blatantly do things I would prefer to avoid doing in the moment.

[@fruity_gummy_bear]

PC in the back like WHAT!

[@inactive6730]

Your videos are THE BEST!

[@barbaraegan9939]

Yes it’s very easy. You plant an idea in their head and it grows. It’s not just a mom thing as I don’t have kids. But it definitely works.

[@2Ksand3Js]

i love the laughing

[@ln4572]

Ever watch "My big fat Greek wedding"? Exactly what the ladies did to get Toulah the job she wanted. Guys "need" to think the idea is theirs. Done this many times!! 😀😉

[@Joy-lg1wt]

Was it "Penns idea" to make this video? Lol

[@cherisparkle]

Haha! I'm going to try this!

[@violetopal6264]

My parents have this conversation all the time. Dad never believes it when Mom tells him. 😂

[@brigitte2348]

No but thank you so much for the tip and steps. 😄😉

[@lisawillett7410]

OMG, ALL OF THE TIME!!!.I like him to feel like THE MAN, so yes I plant little seeds. We were all set to build a new house, but I said one day, "Hon, this house has so many memories, and makes me so happy. This is where we lived when we got married, had our son, where I learned my Dad passed, and I can't imagine living anywhere else. Then a month later I said this house has so much potential to remodel and stay in. It's on your Dad's land and I know he wants you to stay on this land. Guess what? We start remodeling this summer, he said a month old, "Hey Babe, What do you think if we don't build, and we remodel this house?" Hahahahahahaha, YEP I of course said, "WHAT A GREAT IDEA HON!!"

[@familyheinrichs477]

Influence my little brother and my dad using this trick.

[@harmony1307]

Wow I so need to do this!

[@shelleynunn4123]

This made me laugh. When i was married and there was a decision to be made. I would tell him the options in such a way he always picked what i wanted. He was happy cause he thought it was his decision i was happy cause i got what i wanted. Then one day he says i realize now that the king in this family is not me. I just laughed and said i see you figured it out.

[@maddie6878]

I love your videos!! You guys have the best video ideas! I’m subscribed!

[@victoriathomas6509]

My high school band director taught me this trick when I was drum major & very much use this technique in my marriage 😂

[@threecatsdancing]

If I were doing this to my husband I would have a backyard pool by now. LOL

[@candicer4626]

Omg my husband and i talk about this all the time. My ideas become his and its a good idea only when he thinks it lmaooo ive been unintentionally planting seeds for years

[@lininomartino]

Yep, yep, yep. I agree with comment that says praise, praise, praise.

[@RamblinRick_]

To be fair, how can any normal guy deny Kim anything.

[@Ellelani1]

Can I point out how much, I love y'all???

[@cly2fan]

I don’t do this to my husband but thanks Kim I’m going to try it

[@suzanne8284]

If my hubs is dragging his feet on something, I just tell him I'm going to do it. He does it the next day!

[@gailvanhatten2475]

Same here. Also love the mind control thing. They feel so proud when it's their idea 🤣

[@maltipaws5128]

I use a different analogy: husband = captain, who keeps the ship afloat and on course, wife = cruise director who keeps everyone one course. Additionally, I’ve asked recalcitrant elderly family members to “mull something over for awhile”. I can’t remember a time when that didn’t work out as I had hoped.

[@Natashaz48]

All women do this. K.I.S.S. We are the Goddess.

[@John_Be]

In retail it's called "suggestive selling" its how you leave a store with too much crap. Feel better Penn the stores are doing it to her! Maybe... SHE was mind controlled to buy. NOW she replicates the technique on you. It's society's fault really. You want fries with that right? Yes I like fries. Muahhhhahhhahhhha

[@Mushroom321-]

😲🤣 fries are amazing with hamburgers.

[@halliemiller1665]

Target is expert at this! That’s where Kim gets all her ideas/skills

[@bob-vz9ji]

You guys are pretty much like in every family sitcom ever.

[@christineh14]

This is why we have a dog that he didn’t want, but now loves.

[@naowright9308]

I "mind control" my husband by saying something like, "Hun, I wish we could go here," or "Hey, wouldn't this be nice!" Then I do a backtrack and say all of the negative things about it. He immediately starts saying all of the positive things about it. Often times I get it, or something really close to it, by the end of the conversation and he is a hero for such a great idea.😁👍

[@ProREAStaffing]

I’ve used this technique to get my husband to move to a new country. Three times. 🤣👏

[@07biggiofan]

I absolutely love your videos! Mind control! Love it!

[@rianaconklin6954]

Yes we all do this, mwahaha! 😏😁 and for example I told my husband that we needed to live closer to family, but it was his idea to move NEXT DOOR to my parents lol where we now live 😁😁

[@mspeicher81]

I absolutely love this channel

[@Rietu]

This is news to me...! I shall have to try this...! (Question to self: am I subtle enough to do this?? I'm about as subtle as a rampaging rhino...)

[@laurieg.1413]

uh Penn....We do it All the time. I do it so much that I am certain even I do it subliminally now. So often I could not pick out just one. lol The fact that Kim came up with an example ( and hung us out to dry) is both shocking and funny ....well hilarious really. lol Live, Love, Laugh, Plant Seeds.

[@stephenblackstone4619]

Penn, as a husband of 46 YEARS, be thankful for what you have: 1. Your wife is beautiful, 2. She planted in your mind a seed to have you around her 24/7, so be thankful that she WANTS you around. Many wives would plant the seed to have their husband work 4 jobs to never have you home, only bringing in the money. 3. If it makes Kim REALLY HAPPY to have a yellow kitchen, does it really matter that it is yellow? Remember, it gives you "REALLY NICE perks" to have a happy wife, RIGHT? You betcha! And pick one wall that both of you agree on, and paint that wall a complementary color, try it, it could work for you, it did for us. 4. Just remind Kim HOW SMART she was to pick you(and remind her SHE planted that thought in your mind). Live, Love, and Let it go, Life is WAY TOO SHORT to have lists of "paybacks". If you try to carry EVERYTHING, you will be like Steve Martin in "The Jerk", "I gotta have this lamp......this lamp, and this chair......this lamp, this chair, and this suitcase......you go through life burdened down. If she died plant "seeds" in your mind.....so what? Enjoy the fact she chooses to stay, you have a great way of communicating with your parodies, you got a great family, Penn Charles and Lola are talented, and you all love each other. Many during this pandemic didn't love each other, and blew apart during COVID. Your family has flourished, and you Penn are a great receiver of "seeds".

[@Joy-kk1kv]

Love you guys!

[@catyblair9919]

BRILLIANT!! Mwa ha ha! I usually call it manipulation, but mind control doesn't sound as negative haha. I call it my superpower, and I only use my superpower for good!

[@ava-fh5ot]

All of your songs and videos are amazing... #HolderMessFamily 😄

[@ava-fh5ot]

Thank you for hearting my comment ☺

[@35mayocynthia]

Does that actually work when I get a boyfriend I am going to do that

[@madmommy]

Sorry Penn, it's true.

[@sisib6078]

Lol im an 11 year old girl and i use this all the time with everyone I know

[@dawnclark4635]

Okay, I'm 11 months into my relationship and in a long distance relationship so it's a bit harder. Recently, we started doing Skype dinner date nights or a movie date night and we take turns but I must admit to two things. First, 95% of the time I get to pick the meal we're making together. I mean he can cook and I kind of have to "dumb down" my selection but the reason I pick is I'm sort of foodie and it's just easier. Second, with the movie date night I have definitely gotten more votes out of it then him and he doesn't realize it. (If you're reading this,Hun,hi and yes,we can watch that lame-o sci-fi or scary movie you want.) That's mainly because I mention a movie on TV,or dvd,or NetFlix BEFORE the mentioned date so then I'll say,"Well,I want to watch such and such tonight." and I'll be like,"Doesn't that sound like a great movie honey?" and he of course will wind up picking the movie because I've been talking it up for months! So,yes,women do that,it's not always deliberate,but mostly it is. (At least for me. lol.)

[@Love001u]

Why you telling our secrets 😂😂😂😂😈😈😈😈

[@Waiting4Him111]

Thats why they call it MANipulation 🤣

[@jsncreativeservices5847]

Penn your a sims character! 😂😂😂

[@beadybaby]

I love the drunk history style narration!

[@justjenn1345]

Oh I totally do this to hubby:)

[@ava-fh5ot]

💟 I love your channel so much 😀 All of your songs and videos are amazing 🎤🎶 #HolderMessFamily 😄

[@ava-fh5ot]

Thank you for hearting my comment ☺

[@rik80280]

I laughed so hard. So so hard.

[@abbywebb2822]

Lol each husband is different her tricks work for her and him. Oh my husband and I do this to each other. Sadly though he isnt as good so I usually call him out and he gives me this cute little smile. So yes it works both ways.

[@selahsayssingsanddoes9640]

a high evil laugh is voldemort

[@erinparker1659]

I like Lola the best

[@deannemakellky283]

This happens to me and my husband ALL. THE. TIME. Only it’s usually me presenting an idea to him, getting shut down and then him presenting the very same idea to me 6 months later as if it’s his brilliant idea.

[@jadeturtledesigns]

Heck. I do this with my wife all the time and we are both women!

[@kindcounselor]

Hysterical....(and I learned alot)