How to overcome perfectionism with this one thing (as a fearful avoidant)

[@lifeisbeautiful7047]

So basicly there is no such a thing as a right choice, you take one choice and make it right

[@mielenalkemiaa]

I see this in every area of my life. I do strive for perfection, to the point I'm not enjoying what I'm doing at the moment. I want to be happy with her. Perfectionism just says 'you are settling', even though my partner is fucking awesome, beatiful, hot and so compatible. Damn. My mother said that my worst trait is that I'm so hard on myself. More you explore FA, it seems to come to self-love and compassion

[@brianflanagan9509]

As someone who very recently came to a very abrupt and sad end to an amazing relationship with someone who was very likely FA, your channel is very insightful and at least gives me a bit of peace, and maybe sadness understanding possibly how and why things turned out the way they did. Your calm and human way of conveying the subject is very easy to listen to, and while understanding the FA attachment style doesn't bring me much personal consolation, I learn more about myself and others. Maybe I hope that knowing more might give me better understanding if she came back, maybe with understanding comes closure, but either way, thanks so much.

[@tinywhiskers30]

Great video Paulien!! I really needed this video, I been really afraid of commitment, like when my partner says things like "forever", "always", "future", etc because I am so afraid of changing my mind and hurting them. This video helped me get to the bottom of this feeling. Your work is really important for avoidant attachments.

[@EsseQuamVideriSe7en]

There is a saying for this. "Don't let perfect be the enemy of good ".

[@ALABRASILIANA]

Wow mind blown "that it can be better doesn't mean that it has to be"..... totally seeing how I was so overbearing, nitpicky, and miserable to be around as a partner. I was not respecting him or giving him dignity with my chaotic behavior.

[@goha_sophia7217]

I think half a year ago, I got an insight - "I can" doesn't mean "I must". Listening to you helped me systemize insights like this into rational image, and it became easier to manage my feelings towards myself and others. Now I can see this problem more clearly and, at least, hopes for myself and my life are becoming "believable". I wish I could find your channel sooner, but I think now I'm in the best condition to actually understand your thought's and advices. Thank you very much! I felt understood and valid after watching your videos. (hope it wasn't creepy >_

[@freedomtownn]

"That it can be better doesn’t mean it has to be better". Wow. Just wow.

[@zee_1141]

Great video! Is it possible for you to upload EFT focused video for perfection and/or other topics you’ve discussed so we can practice the technique to heal within?

[@freekff6274]

Instant deep relief……. Thanks!

[@SaminSays]

listen to this woman!! lol i have been in subpar relationships that i felt safer in after doing the inner work to affirm my own safety and abundance than relationships with partners who i had waaay more in common with. and even still, safety is a fallacy, an illusion like time or money. it is only as real as you train your mind and your heart to believe (which is a good thing so do your inner work to affirm it lol)

[@aliendays5616]

Great video as always! how do we know whether we're actually disinterested in the person VS just anxious that the relationship is not "perfect" enough? I find that my feelings for the person I'm dating are hot and cold. When I feel calm/good, I know I want to make things work with him. But most of the time I feel anxious or numb and that's when I doubt my feelings for him (not any particular reasons for the doubts)

[@paulientimmer-healingthefe9870]

Trust what you feel/see when you are calm. That's when your fearsystem is not on, so those are the thoughts and feelings you can trust.

[@aliendays5616]

@@paulientimmer-healingthefe9870 thank you :) You and your channel is a blessing!

[@abundantlife888]

I have felt this too! It’s so confusing and the more confused you feel the more anxious you become about the relationship and doing the right thing. A terrible cycle. Blessings on your healing journey:)

[@tk9721]

I relate to your comment 100%. It is so comforting to know others are out there feeling the same way! I always worry there is something wrong with me because none of my friends share these issues with their boyfriends.

[@freekff6274]

Thanks!

[@aurorel3301]

Thank you so much for your videos! I'm very commited to my healing but at times, I feel like I am constantly being reminded of "what is wrong with me", pressured to heal because "if you don't, then this negative things might happen which will negatively impact the relationship" (aka what we fear happen), that "you shouldn't come into a relationship with bagages from your past, you should heal before being in a relationship" (being fully healed is literally impossible but that is the message I see everywhere). So how to feel worthy of being in a relationship while still struggling with all of this, despite wanting to heal and working on ourselves as much as we can ? How to allow ourselves to be in a relationship knowing we have still so much to heal, and knowing the (negative) ways in which we might show up since we are not fully healed?

[@baskoprimemod]

As a fellow person with FA attachment style, I absolutely don't mean to offense anyone or to be a downer, maybe we should not be in a relationship ever at all? Just a midnight thought of mine.

[@andythebro5811]

Is it possible as a fearful avoidant to develop social anxiety and fear of being seen anxiouss, fear of being seen uncomfortable?

[@elaineblidgeon]

Having suffered from social anxiety, paranoia and avoidant tendencies, they were all related and triggered by my perceptions at the time. One does not necessarily cause the other, but they can make any issues you have more intense until you find a way to change how this means to you.

[@whiterobin01]

Thank you for your great videos!