How to Respond to Rude Comments & Insults at Work (Shut Down Rude Coworkers)

Have you ever been targeted with insulting comments at work? Whether it’s dealing with a rude coworker, bad bosses who are poor communicators, dealing with rude comments at work is a drag. Most people I work with struggle to deal with insults at work: they don’t know how to react or what to say, so they tend to freeze. In this video, I’m breaking down exactly how to respond to rude comments and insults at work, including showing you some examples to help you apply my advice to your situation.
Chapters
0:00 What we’re talking about today
0:51 Take a pause (de-escalate)
2:34 Audit Their Intention (the sad fact is…)
5:15 Change the Topic (and don’t overreact)
6:52 Mirror the Absurdity
8:02 Use Your Adult Voice
10:41 Prepare for Productive Conflict
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[@JenniferBrick]

Have you tried any of these strategies to shut down rude comments? What suggestions would you add?

[@matthewsmith2787]

I have a zero tolerance to rudeness, I just say if you have a problem just tell me and we will sort it

[@leandrawilkerson4771]

I was told to my face I should be dating a coworker! My petty ass complained and the boss handled it. I don’t appreciate explaining my dating life since it’s none of anyone’s business. Let HR handle it.

[@vacationeyes6430]

The rudest I have experienced at work, was when my manager disclosed my salary to my entire team to put a target on my back. I was making 10-20% more than others in the team including the manager and my manager was SO UPSET about it. So he disclosed my salary to the entire team(exaggerated the RSU value to make it look bigger than it is) and gave me a hard time about it every single day. Not a day went without him needling me about my salary. Turns out, disclosing another person's salary is not illegal. I pulled him aside and told him I don't appreciate him talking about my salary but he continued anyway. 1. If it weren't for this pay check, will you be able to afford those shoes? 2. What is your family background? Are your parents rich? How much does your spouse make? 3. So you make xyz because of your MBA. Guys what are you all doing? Go get your MBA? 4. When the stock market crashed "You need not worry about it, as you are making more than us anyway" 5. What do you do with your money? Just curious. 6. You need to work harder as you are making x y z 7. When asked for vacation, you are making this salary and you want vacation? I found another job and left this toxic workplace. Guess what, I negotiated an even higher salary.

[@coloneljackmustard]

You should get a pixie cut. It would make you look more professional. And sexy!

[@selfloveybear5556]

@@matthewsmith2787 GET'EM 👊 👊💥💥💢💫 PERIOD 💅

[@tippybutler7989]

I don't think rude people are oblivious to their rudness they know exactly what they are doing

[@Fourwindsofsuccess]

This is important that’s they do know when they’re nasty, hateful and bitter souls. They are unhappy in life or just apart the toxicity that hold back the world from being a good place.

[@riobrasilsambashowssambist1453]

Rudeness

[@tonikennedy9812]

I completely agree with you

[@AshtonStands4Awesome]

I have no doubt that is the case with one of my coworkers. She wants to win an invisible competition that she apparently feels threatened by even though all I'm trying to do is get through work without having a panic attack. I think she's also an very very very unhappy person so she reads my intentions incorrectly and translates niceness as... Maybe fakeness? I don't know exactly but I have no questions her intentions are self serving, conniving and lacking incredible amounts of emotional maturity.

[@niftydom]

A few years ago, a manager told me that I was replaceable. I looked at him right in the eyes and said so are you and walked out. The next day, I was begged to go back and said "no thanks bud!". lol

[@KrissyFizzle]

I'm fucking dead please, that's so savage 🤣😭😭😭 love this comment

[@ajoyforlife1]

❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤

[@ajoyforlife1]

😊☺😂😂😂🤣 love it!!!

[@ajoyforlife1]

Right?! Last time I checked they were getting a check too.

[@peachpink123]

Everyone is replaceable, everyone dies, the sun rise from the east.

[@campbellhouse6569]

As a kid, I looked forward to growing up and being around adults because I thought this childish behavior didn't exist. Boy, was I wrong! Jealousy, selfishness, competitive obsessed children grow up to be the same jerks

[@Marchelette]

Same

[@citydweller99]

My former boss was condescending, and would say I was too confident and arrogant. My response was 'in my experience, the people who take notice of someone's confidence generally lack confidence in themselves.' She got defensive and I tuned her out.

[@Rose-oq2hn]

Confidence is the opposite of arrogance

[@KeilaRemon2006]

That's it. I do appear to be too confident. But the reality is that i am confident. However, the other person may not be confident about the success of the company. 😄

[@canesugar911]

Probably meant arrogant.

[@tazishagemini7513]

Had a coworker who would constantly make comments about my body. I just flat out ignored it. I later on overheard her talk about herself and how fat she is and told another coworker that I had "the perfect body". I just laughed to myself. Keep your insecurities at the door m'am.

[@JenniferBrick]

It's sad that she lacks self love and is investing her time comparing herself to you.

[@tazishagemini7513]

@@JenniferBrick I had this problem at every job that I had unfortunately. I'm just confused as to what my slim body type has to do with the job 🤷🏾‍♀️

[@RachelNdumia1]

@@tazishagemini7513 they r body shaming so u can feel bad eat bad , become fat and then they can laugh at you. Just tell someone" I don't have time for this conversation I'm going to do my job"

[@tazishagemini7513]

@@RachelNdumia1 Funny thing is I went from 130 to 160 due to birth control, didn't really have a great diet but stayed active and drank a lot of water, and I was still the slimmest employee at my job due to having more muscle mass than fat. So if they want to try to body shame me, they just need to make sure they have the ideal body first 💁🏾‍♀️

[@josie23mo]

I had a female boss who said to me in front of all office "you eat so little how come you are not thin?"

[@sunnyalley8051]

I think when someone makes a underhanded comment , that’s challenging because I don’t want to appear triggered. They would just deny it. Next time I’m going to say “what do you mean?” Rude people are actually miserable inside and they hate happy people. I stay happy in front of them . They hate that😁

[@Kamone111]

They sure do. I love being happy in front of miserable people.

[@wade5941]

"What do you mean by that?" works every time.

[@lauraryan2721]

Yes, I've got a very nasty coworker now. I might use "what do you mean by that?" I'm nearly 59, dealing with foot drop, and honestly, I DGAF either.

[@GillianBerry]

good for you I'm still working on not letting them trigger me they can be so rude

[@shirleyac12]

It annoys them . I’m bubbly and get on with most people. Just carry on and be more bubbly lol it pisses them off

[@GiGiChosen]

I have mastered the art of ignoring. Don’t give it energy or your time. Being offended is a choice.

[@JenniferBrick]

Agree with you so much on this!

[@M-hc9xm]

I also give a steady eye contact without saying anything to try to make a point that I know I was just offended but don't give them any fuel to say how I rebuttled.

[@matthewsmith2787]

It’s water off a ducks back, that’s what I think

[@EmpressMermaid]

It depends. There are some things that can't and shouldn't be ignored.

[@asadb1990]

yeah i agree. at work i have just enough energy to get work done. i barely have some energy to interact with co-workers. but i don't stand for any wise crack like if i don't go to company socials. i told that co-worker straight up that i have a life after work. that shut him up afterwards.

[@Laudanum-gq3bl]

My go-to is “my goodness, how impertinent/that’s personal/oh I don’t discuss that at work” then laugh. But I’m over 50 and don’t really DGAF anymore.

[@JenniferBrick]

I love that you have a clear boundary and are not afraid to communicate it!

[@TokyoBlue587]

This is the best answer. Just nip it in the bud.

[@Laudanum-gq3bl]

@@JenniferBrick thank you! It took me a long time and I wish people like you were easily findable in 1990 when I started working. I love seeing guidance about how we can calmly assert our boundaries, much sooner than many in my generation did. Well done!

[@patrickbonham949]

🤫😂😂

[@karla8662]

🤣🤣

[@BboyNemo1]

I don’t feed into negativity. I just look them in the eye and ask “are you done?” And just stare at them until they awkwardly leave

[@normalman23]

but saying "are you done" is kinda negative and feeding into their negativity xD

[@mmp495]

I like that advice👍🏻

[@Nuh_uh_vr]

Hey normal person it's ok to be abnormal sometimes.

[@growing367]

Any questions or statements they have towards you, just say "I don't answer questions and statements."

[@Reshme77]

There's one thing I don't understand: if it's safe for them to be rude at work why shouldn't it not be safe for you?

[@JenniferBrick]

Often the dynamics entail the rude person's rudeness being tolerated while others is not.

[@Reshme77]

@@JenniferBrick I don't know much about the workplace people treat you the way you permit

[@StevieSparkZ]

In a vacuum, it should not be safe or encouraged for people to be rude at work.

[@SkyePhoenix]

@@JenniferBrick Great point, Jennifer.

[@shirleyac12]

Just say omg you sound like one of my spoiled nieces lol

[@alice9762]

There is a female co-worker who was nice to me when I was overweight but as soon as I dropped thirty pounds she got mad 🙄

[@SkyePhoenix]

Yeah... most women are so competitive with each other. I don't understand it. I don't compete with anyone but myself. I don't compare myself to anyone, because I don't see the point.

[@shebakali6]

Most fat women are jealous

[@churchofpos2279]

I am retiring at age 62. My coworkers give me a bad time, asking how I can retire. I tell them I am almost debt free and didn't buy a 400,000 house, so I don't have to work until I am 69. Usually shuts them up pretty quick. A lot of the coworkers are into status symbols: cars, houses, clothing, etc. I am not. I bought a very modest home, i shop at thrift stores, and I buy used cars.

[@tobypeterson5867]

great job.

[@churchofpos2279]

@@tobypeterson5867 Thanks.

[@lillianp8900]

happy retirement. how will you spend your time, just curious

[@churchofpos2279]

@@lillianp8900 Hopefully, will be able to do some traveling. I will be moving, so I am hoping to get some type of mini farm set up.

[@lapis722]

atleast you no longer work if they are so “rich” then why are they still in work

[@dennelllancaster3047]

My initial thought is jealousy because in the workplace coworkers are competitive with each other, which is why I don’t share personal achievements, vacation travels, or spouses occupation because those nosy coworkers will not hesitate to Google that job profession to get an estimate of what salary your spouse could be making. Coworkers sides themselves up against each other, rather it be where you shop for your clothes, food, to which community do you live to the type of car you drive to how you spend your weekends. I would shut down the nonsense by saying, “Are you done working for the day?” or “Should I tell the supervisor that you don’t have enough work to keep you busy?”

[@JenniferBrick]

Redirecting is a good strategy.

[@lauraryan2721]

Yes, I learned this in my last job. I let the two of them discuss their young children. I'm the odd one out as my kids are grown. Honestly, I've learned to not give a crap. Just too bad the one is a nasty one!

[@wakeupalready2099]

So basically most adults still act like children

[@helenperry4283]

...So many rude comments at work. I almost always freeze! I'm usually shocked, by how rude they are. It's a daily challenge. I think it's best to ignore it...because it doesn't deserve a response.

[@coldcloakmusic6630]

It deserves a response because of you don’t say anything the person will keep behaving like this. It’s ok to set boundaries

[@kathleenwardsinger]

@@coldcloakmusic6630 That can be easier said than done though. Especially if you're not a particularly confident or confrontational person.

[@SkyePhoenix]

I agree!

[@SkyePhoenix]

@@coldcloakmusic6630 Let them keep behaving like that. Why are they doing it in the first place? Most likely it's to get some sort of reaction.

[@alltypessecretary7116]

@@coldcloakmusic6630 not always.

[@addisons4593]

Mirror the absurdity is my personal favourite one here. A few years back I had a colleague who was born with a medical condition where her fingers didn't fully grow (both hands). A known obnoxious co-worker asked her in a rude way, "Where did you learn to write?" To which she cleverly responded, "Kindergarten, what about you?!?!?!"

[@SoulsJourney]

I had a co-worker who seemed to delight in telling me I looked tired, or looked like I didn't feel well. She was a catty gossip, maybe she thought I had some personal drama going on that I was going to fill her in on, I don't know. I naturally have dark circles under my eyes, and by mid-afternoon if I don't touch up my makeup they become more obvious. Also, after staring at a computer screen all day my eyes get strained. But her constant put-downs and telling me how awful I looked were really tiresome. I finally told her, "Gee thanks, Sue! Glad to know I look like s***."

[@mwil15]

I learned how to handle insulting comments by gaming. One of the best responses you can give to someone who is clearly salty about you for whatever reason is just to give a 2 second pause followed by a hmmm. Most rude people don’t know how to handle it bc it’s barely a reaction at all. They’d have to badger you for an answer and that’d make them look irrational. That’s generally the end goal of those comments, is to make you look irrational, so as long as you stay rational they lose bc they’re not using reason. In team-based exercises like games, this is helpful bc it makes it obvious what’s going on to bystanding teammates as well as makes you look quite level-headed if the toxic person decides to lose their shit and go off on you.

[@samuelquintin5787]

When I hear people gossip about me, I let them talk. I have no time for gossip or drama. I keep my head out & keep going. Doing my job helps me be distracted from such juvenile behaviour. Of course if someone wants to be nasty with me, I will not hesitate to put my foot down. To quote Coco Chanel - "I don’t care what you think of me. I don’t think of you at all" Not a huge fan of Gabrielle Chanel but, that alone speaks on all levels.

[@JenniferBrick]

Yes! I love this vibe! Not being bothered keeps their problem from being your problem ✨

[@supDARe36]

This reminds me of an episode from mad men. And from the flip side of the coin this concept can also be humbling when letting go of someone else's mistakes and even our own. I would have to be too important to be in that person's last thoughts at the end of the day. So even if I made a mistake I can start a new day over.

[@matthewsmith2787]

I find the workplace generally is quite competitive. There is always small talk, like how old are your kids, are you going on holiday? There is always snide comments I find. The worst thing is though, when people are talking behind your back, I really hate that. I would rather they told me in front of my face

[@JenniferBrick]

I'm with you on that! I don't mind people having opinions and things to say, but so often the complains, comments and passive aggressive deepen the issue that could be resolved with a direct conversation.

[@mariacullati2371]

Its exhausting to deal with jealous rude troublemakers! You have to be on guard all the time and can't trust anyone. Its disappointing because you want to believe in others.

[@jrus690]

@@JenniferBrick Will not work at my workplace, the one mini boss says the term, I put in my time. He thinks he should not have to do anything. The other problem is that so many people at my workplace seem to have some sort of mental dysfunction. Not directly related to the mental issues, they have vices (drinking), they have to have their kids in sports (expensive). They pretend that they must be broke because they have lives and families, apparently I do not have what they think of as a life.

[@peachpink123]

Dont hâte them, they need psycho treatment. Treat them as they are, mental patient.

[@Morrocanprincess]

I had a manager literally become very upset because she found out I didn't want to birth children. During our work-from home ''touch-base" phone calls, she was extremely defensive, aggressive & even tried age shaming me (I'm 29). She is now on maternity leave with her 'oops' baby (thank goodness). By the time she comes back next year I'll have long quit the company.

[@clarity2974]

That none of her business. People should respect others personal choices. Everyone doesn't want motherhood.

[@gregorycyr9272]

I am a man who at 58 has never married or had kids.People at work judge me for that in a negative way.

[@Fourwindsofsuccess]

Yeah it’s a lot of ageist assholes in the workplace towards us who are young and I’m shocked nobody discusses this. Especially when we don’t feed into the “young, dumb, and lost” persona the world paints all young people under this umbrella. There should be a law to not discriminate against anyone’s age but just older people. I’m mature for my age, great work ethic, and conduct myself well but people has thrown my age up in my face through shady comments or they’ll act really weird because I’m young or blatantly ignore me. It’s like jealousy or something.

[@christianvennemann9008]

​@@Fourwindsofsuccess They probably are jealous of the fact they're no longer your age. Not your fault you have more time on this planet than them! 🤷🏾‍♂️🤣

[@user-of9bx1uk3u]

I just ignore them and pretend like I didn't hear the question.

[@JenniferBrick]

This is a great tip!

[@KO-im6sm]

I think people get rude if they lose respect for another employee too. Sometimes, it’s the company culture that starts at the top.

[@SkyePhoenix]

Definitely.

[@greencat1976]

It always starts at the top.

[@exquisitebiscuit]

Sometimes just asking what they meant by their comment will stop them in their tracks

[@f21rodrz41]

My boss was rude and condescending to me and I not only 😤 gave it back to him in a professional manner but also reported him to HR and threatened to quit. We had a meeting with HR and I made it clear that I am a professional and expect to be treated as such otherwise we are parting ways. It worked and now he behaves. Training a draggon.

[@Nuh_uh_vr]

Ooooooooooooooo!

[@wndflcrtch9864]

Some people at work just lack awareness on social etiquette.

[@twinsweare2]

Say it again! No social etiquette!

[@jasminerigsbee9445]

My coworker and I were hired at the same time. They are intimidated by how quickly I learn and pick up on things. I have gone out of my way to help them. It has backfired and they tried to throw me under the bus because they didn’t understand the process. I have to work with this person, so I will continue to help them. I’m definitely not going out of my way to help them though. I understand that they have insecurities, so I’m definitely keeping it strictly business from now on. No more side convos. 🤷🏽‍♀️

[@christinarobleto1786]

Tired of people asking me why I'm not married with children.

[@juliancain3872]

Usually my friend just replays 'because I can and I won't.'

[@gigi8528]

I had to go into my coworkers’ office once and they were “jokingly” hinting at me stealing from them. 🙄 I just laughed, told them not to worry, and played dumb. I pray I find another job in the near future.

[@socorrorios8075]

I'm retired now but when I step out the door, I tell myself, "Be a lady, keep cool, don't overreact to whatever rude comments and behaviors I'm might come across."

[@SkyePhoenix]

Lucky you. I can't wait to retire from all of this bs.

[@pavithra-7429]

Hypervigilance.

[@ItsJustJess269]

I'm a waiter at a restaurant and one of our team members got off with three other members and sat in my section and I politely asked "hey is there anything I can get you folks" and he said "no nothing from you" and that really pissed me off however another team member also said that's a rude comment and I just said "I know right" and it's been getting me ever since but these KZbin videos have been helping me 👊

[@dctrbrass]

In my experience, it's been jealousy or just plain immaturity. Very helpful vid. Thanks. When people crap on your life's work, it's not fun.

[@viviana5114]

When I was working in an office with all women, all day long it was gossiping. After working there for a month listening to it I responded one day by saying to the whole section "A dog that brings you a bone will take one back". This was met with silence then questions about what that meant. I'm a southern woman so in my normal southern accent I told them it meant that if someone brings you gossip they are waiting for what you say so they can go back and tell someone else. Funny how the gossip mill stopped dead in it's tracks.

[@pikababe__]

Not having social skills doesn't mean you're dumb. Not everyone excels in every aspect but you can always find what you're good at and be the expert in that. :)

[@silviafarfan2523]

When somebody asks you a rude question, just say "it's none of your business". Be professional so they cannot accuse you of swearing but don't worry about being liked. Just be respected. I wouldn't even worry about analysing their possible motivation or even trying to de-personalise the verbal attack. Who cares? I wouldn't even try to be witty or try to make a point by showing how stupid the comment is. That's like tip toeing around them. Tell them straight in a professional manner. And yes, "it's none of your business" is a perfectly acceptable response.

[@pavithra-7429]

Idk whether it is right, my narc coworker Recently tried to insult me in front of my clients, that I am not competent to work, I am lazy, I do everything slowly, etc. Even though I felt disturbed, I instantly told to mind her f#*king business. And she argued further. And I shut her further. And sent her off. But only after she was done with shouting, she left. I informed it to my senior officer, who doesn't understand and he called it as Coworker stunt and he will terminate both of us further. I said nothing is my mistake and she just tortures me. And took some time and confronted her later and she started shouting even more. And insulting me further. I instantly told her that she has a disorder. And she repeated. Finally I gave a 😤🤬 and left the place. Idk whether my jov is under fire, but can't bear the tension.

[@gayleneflower398]

Backstabbing and poor management made me quit a job I loved - sad

[@imcoop]

How I handled a rude boss (unfortunately I have had 2)-One time I was going out to my sales territory and on my way out-boss makes a rude quip to me (he was a jackass)-my response-I gave a snide smile and said thanks and have a great day-I did that as well with another manger at another job. Best thing to do is smile with a fake smile and say thank you and have a great day

[@LisaGallegos]

This is such a good topic!!! I’m no longer at a corporate job but found this helpful!

[@wndflcrtch9864]

I love the suggestions. I strongly agree on changing the topic when dealing with rude comments. I did that one few days ago, and I noticed the reaction already shifted to another point.

[@patrickneaverth247]

Love how you talked about the amygdala hijack and the 6 sec cool off period. Invaluable advice.

[@M-hc9xm]

I use the playing dumb approach sometimes. It almost all solves the issue because the person realizes either they said something offensive, or totally misspoke and meant something different.

[@JenniferBrick]

Great point, Maria! It definitely gives the other person the opportunity to realize something just stumbled out all wrong.

[@eveallusion]

Ooh this is a good one! One time I was feeling petty and I asked the person to repeat herself so she could hear herself sound like an idiot. It made her feel dumb that she had to say it twice without a reaction from me twice. I just stared blankly at her and after a few seconds I said "Oh." like I just heard her for the first time. It worked like a charm and then I just went back to work hahaha

[@JenniferBrick]

Great example of this in action!

[@sweetshay6172]

I do that too and I start asking them questions.

[@pavithra-7429]

​@@JenniferBrickNo. Wrong startegy to tackle. They know what they are doing. They just estimate your response.

[@paperguns115]

I have the pleasure of working with a uniquely toxic bunch of individuals and the experience has been both trying and productive. Though there are several nasty people at work who are walking the lawsuit line for the company, Ive had the ability to work on my conflict resolution, attitude at work, and how I react professionally. Some days are tough, and some days are social experiments where I can better my brand. What Ive learned is smile, be positive, don’t react personally but on behalf of your role as a company employee, and if you need to just say “let me think on that” and disconnect. Our Career Bestie speaks much wisdom: don’t let them bring you down! Thank you!

[@TheDarklady28]

This is for young folks esp Best to listen and observe. Let them do the talking when you go to a new job or first job. Keep your head down, be cordial and appear shy. And find an older friendly competent worker and be a sponge around them!

[@SkyePhoenix]

Don't trust anyone.

[@alannarutter5033]

How about just saying: I'm not comfortable talking about it, sorry". Once I asked something at work, and the colleague replied: "I don't want to talk about it, sorry". From now on I reply like that too and follow it up by changing the topic.

[@dlourdes4743]

some people make rude comments and walk away, so there is no time for conversation or clarification, ...it is a complex subject, and bullies won't change. That is why the best is to report them.

[@amysweet2973]

As I look younger than I am I often get rude and irrelevant comments about my perceived youngness and ipso facto inexperience. I just use it as ammo as I like to surprise people with my ability to do my job really well due to my experience - which has nothing to do with my age!

[@tourbike]

Its just SOOOOO disappointing dealing with them when the job is actually pretty decent ---/ #vampires

[@miss2slick]

I did not know how much I needed this video......! Thank you 🤯

[@Teencat]

2:44 important to note that some people DO lack social skills and are not dumb and are not "the worst". Developmentally challenging conditions (aspergers comes to mind), lack of socialization due to bullying/isolation, or being from a different cultural background can sometimes land people in uncomfortable encounters. Using degrading terms like "dumb" and "stupid" is hurtful. Like the video later mentions, think about the intention of the person: are they being intentionally malicious or not?

[@lapis722]

Well take it as you will?

[@chatterbox11]

She does specifically state that unless it’s clear someone is being malicious, you should try to determine their intent. And, you should not be mean, even when someone else is. However, even when someone is unintentionally hurtful, even if it is because they have a condition, they still hurt someone and they need to be made aware of it and understand how to modify their behavior to avoid hurting others. For example, if I have narcolepsy that is a real medical condition, which is not my fault. But, if I know I have narcolepsy and don’t get appropriate treatment and then drive and fall asleep and kill someone it IS my fault. So, yes, try to determine intent, but don’t let someone’s condition be an excuse that allows them to continue to harm others.

[@batty_babette]

Ugh I made this mistake last week and it backfired. I practically talked myself in circles trying to not rock the boat and keep this woman comfortable only for her to continue to be extremely rude and defensive!

[@normalman23]

what happened xD

[@1traviswyrick]

I absolutely love this video! You're doing a fantastic job helping others! Thank you for sharing this advice! I love how you encourage an open minded perspective. :)

[@phyllidaacworth5212]

Thanks for your videos. They have really been resonating with me in the last few weeks. When I have had a difficult coworker who caused me stress in the past I couldn't stop talking about it. I even had a good line manager try to persuade me not to talk about it all the time but wasn't ready to hear that at the time. Looking back I was giving these difficult people way too much power and potentially making myself look bad. In future I need a very few trusted confidantes and better yet, to try your techniques.

[@bryaneagon3059]

I was literally accused of being a child murderer by a co-worker after I came back from Afghanistan. If that's projection I wonder what that co-worker was really up to.

[@bryaneagon3059]

@Christopher Jacobs I didnt have to. They killed themselves.

[@StevieSparkZ]

Whoa, what's the back story on this, Bryan?

[@legooddogo9523]

Thats nota wrong

[@The0Matador0]

@@StevieSparkZduh he fought one of a,Erica’s needless invasion which always kill more civilians than anyone else. Have you studied any America history?

[@The0Matador0]

It’s not projection. Some people are awake to the American war machine. Wikileaks revealed that to the most asleep. Not your fault though, you just followed orders and needed a job.

[@GillianBerry]

YES!! When I deal with rude comments or rude people people making videos about me it sends my body into fight or flight !!!! I have been saying this to people like you explain. I need to find a way to not allow it to affect me.

[@jeff6413]

I like the tactic of pausing for 6 seconds because it can make the rude person squirm!!

[@char94]

It does make them squirm. Keeping calm and taking that breath while staring at them is quite effective, haha!

[@JimmyJaxJellyStax]

It's rude when someone dominates the conversation and then complains that others aren't speaking enough. No space to speak without interrupting and then they get mad about the interruption. Impossible! Gross

[@tcroshon70]

Sometimes you have say what's on your mind. Let people know where the line is and don't cross it. Telling someone to drink a tall,frosty glass of kiss my @$$ tends to get the point across with some while others you may have to dumb it down for them.

[@JenniferBrick]

Having firm boundaries is important.

[@tasia_44]

OMG! I LOL with the one about asking the assailant to explain what they mean because it is not understood. That is absolutely awesome!!! It made me laugh bc basically you are taking their $h!t and just shoving it back onto them. 😂 I can only imagine the shock on their face and the embarrassment the offender would face, especially if other people are present. I love it! This video is definitely very proactive and offers MATURE and intelligent solutions for dealing with others who are...not so much so.

[@JenniferBrick]

This tactic works in general. I love the looks on people's faces as you have them explain to you, in detail, what they meant.

[@andreasmith6248]

What is your advice for someone whose coworker has wrongfully (and dramatically ) tried to turn other coworkers against her? Kinda awkward when you come to work and everyone is suddenly rude to you or doesn’t talk to you...

[@Bill-vi1vp]

Get a lawyer and sue them for slander.

[@tgawron2233]

That happened to me too.

[@tia2484]

I like the video she did on "why don't my coworkers like me." She drove home the point that we don't need friends at work.. I understand your situation bc I have the same scenario, but after a few days of a mindset that I'm working alone (pretend it's just me).. some noticed and asked me if I'm ok. My cheery "not at all" reply had them thinking and they've either left me alone or smile when passing now etc. Not a complete fix, but I feel more in control of my circumstance. Good luck

[@SkyePhoenix]

I like it when my coworkers don't talk to me. I don't trust any of them, so I don't talk to them either.

[@katteresa6174]

@@SkyePhoenixthis is amazing and where I’m tryna get

[@jorgealan997]

I really don't care. I just do my job and ask if anything is needed. Then ignore all comments and go back into my bubble trying to get things done.

[@Moonbeingstrandedonearth50]

Exactly what I've started doing how silence is powerful.

[@eyesaidit5195]

This is golden!!

[@tomwolfe8737]

This was amazing advice ! Thank you

[@praisegod3768]

I have a new person in my sphere who seems surprisingly unthoughtful and yes, rude. I have chosen, so far, to rise above it, because (thankfully) I don't have to deal with them for more than an hour each day. I have tried "killing them with kindness", assuming the best about them, being gracious, etc., but it clearly falls on dead ears and a dull heart. So, I will choose to be kind, patient, firm, assertive when need be. Also, I've learned that counting (silently) to ten before responding really helps - and it does!

[@insidejobagency1777]

I usually go for the overly direct stare followed up by a change of topic. However, I like the repeat the question so they can hear themselves tactic for the more obtuse set.

[@fernanong4070]

Bad Co-Worker:(Insulting me) Me: ok. Bad Co-Worker:(Mad)

[@jodi-annedavidson5348]

Lame jealousy, and they are having a difficult time at home and their life.

[@Fourwindsofsuccess]

Majority of the time.

[@nofapSally]

Mirror the absurdity. Love that one.

[@alltypessecretary7116]

Me too. Oh and after you mirror it, then laugh. Boy that will make them think their question or remark was laughable and most importantly, not taken seriously by you. Lol

[@cindybuchanan2218]

As a dumb person with somewhat crummy social skills, I have spent weeks beating myself up over how something came out sounding not like I meant it at all.

[@rickquesada925]

Thank you for this helpful video.

[@daebak_hana]

My stock reply appropriate for.amy comment. "Why do you care?" Puts the other person on defensive.

[@cynthiaharris4799]

Jealousy

[@firstnamelastname3117]

My boss told me I need to grow a pair of balls because I didn't want to just push code into production without properly testing it, he's a psychopath if you haven't guessed.

[@dessairosal2848]

Some people think they're being funny and doesn't know that they are already hurting someone.

[@lovelyana4003]

Love this!!!!

[@brendaechols5929]

I just say "whatever....go away!"

[@cynax7757]

Love your videos. Need them for my toxic work environment.

[@manuelm4693]

Yes, good videos, also watch Dan o'Conner communication videos, very informative. 🙂👍

[@Dashingdiva73]

I use to have a coworker who would tell, "LEARN SPANISH!!!" at me. It was an office of 10 and she would do it often. It made me not want to learn it.

[@govegan6112]

Once someone at work said that I was too fat for my husband. Next time I caught him alone, I really told him what I thought of him....for 10 mins....

[@phillyblaze777]

Just play Dumb! It's a cop-out but it works every time without backfire

[@beatricesiaw8776]

I worked with someone like this, and when i confront them, they double down, or dont see what is wrong with her response, but then she says no one gives her feedback about her behavior and she wishes she would hear it...hmm.

[@coldcloakmusic6630]

Same here. I got turned into the scapegoat and it got me fired. How do you correct someone’s distorted thinking and behavior when they can’t even recognize it as such?

[@reformcongress]

At my current job, I have found that where I currently work, the toxicity is motivated by people who are not necessarily confident in their abilities to advance in the company. I have no desire to go any further up than I am at this point. This is enabled by one mid-level manager who is willing to step on anyone who puts his career at risk. The CYA mantra, which is not necessary if a person is doing their job to the best of their ability and is seeking continuous improvement--as opposed to using someone else as a scapegoat.

[@enemy198]

I really need to watch your videos. It's very educational 😍

[@maggem123]

These videos are very helpful. Introvert and confidence do they go hand-in-hand? I have wrongly reacted to similar circumstances. Only feeding to the jealous/insecured colleague. Oh My, the gossip environment is so much nobody verifies facts. I am in a toxic work environment!

[@fazbell]

Bravo...I am glad I am retired. My last six years in the work force were pure hell. Wish I had these suggestions when I was working.

[@darkscion1]

Told two verbally abusive supervisors how all they do is brow beat people, make threats, have no leadership skills, and have no business being supervisors. I was "let go" three weeks later. So happy I no longer work there.

[@noname-nu6oo]

I have an unusual first name and one day this coworker asks me only when we were sitting in a large table with all other coworkers saying out loud, "yea like didn't you name yourself" I'm just like where did that come from!? Who names themselves anyway? He just had an assumption that was the case. I think he asked this once before and has a habit of assuming and making up ideas. Just really annoying how they make things up out of thin air and publicizing it out loud in front of the whole office.

[@IrmaRoma68]

I work in a holistic clinic. I have a female co-worker who is passive aggressive towards me for the past 8 months. I walked into the lunch room two days ago and mentioned I had tight hips to someone and theirs co-worker said what I need is to get seriously laid and she kept going with details of who it should happen.

[@blackestknight1.0]

*I used to have to work 1 on 1 with the CFO of my old employer. I will never forget how she once told me that I'm "eye candy" and how the other women at the job used to talk about me. She actually laughed about it saying "I hope this isn't considered sexual harassment". All I could do was smile. I mean what would I sound like as a 6'2 black guy telling HR that my Boss was sexually harassing me.* 🤷🏿‍♂️

[@ajoyforlife1]

We had handsome young new IT at my old company (years ago) that they women ogle whenever he came around. I heard that he was let go for being too much of a distraction.

[@liabakar]

i scrolled this video so fast because i cant find the way to respond words. Playing dumb & asking back will always backfire. My tip is: its not about you. Its them and their insecurities. No need to respond, just ask ‘ are you okay?’ and leave

[@evana2511]

The coworker I'm thinking of is consistently rude and insulting, has a huge chip on her shoulder, and is very difficult to work with. Super critical of others. Telling her to worry about her own work and let others worry about theirs resulted in a stream of name-calling from her. Afterward, this coworker engaged in sneaky sabotage of others' work, very sneaky and hard to prove. The manager is unable or unwilling to address the issue, just makes excuses for her. I don't know how someone can deal with that other than changing jobs.

[@taraelmegreen5527]

A fellow nurse screamed at me the other day after I hadn't seen the memo abt changes in our "non-surgical'' days, "you're a disgrace to this office and an embarassement to all of us here!" I have NEVER been treated so poorly, and mgmnt failed to repremand her, so, I know where I stand..new job, Here I come!! #bitches

[@ivybichon8582]

👏 .

[@taothekoraenchanter1503]

im a graduate student and I substitute on the side. one of the paras said to a teacher regarding me, "do you think he earned his pennies today"? I felt like that was a subtle insult. She put me down just because I didn't make as much money as her or a regular teacher. To be honest she made me feel a little insecure,embarrassed but a little angry too. I'll just have to brush it to the side.

[@sunshinerainbows4627]

Starting to have a reverse communication issue. I've been taking the insults for so long that few words come out yet extremely tired of experiencing the double whammy. First the person hurls one or several insults then they say "you're being verbally abusive". All while I stand there looking at them. I've tried asking "why do you think or say this or that?" Yet when they don't even stop speaking and it flows into "you're verbally abusive" even though you haven't said anything insulting back....that's rough. Especially if no one realizes you are only listening and start to view you as disrespecting your elders (older women in mid 60s and up). I've only tried to engage in one discussion, typically shut down and prefer to leave. Not exactly sure what the person is trying to do yet tired of a simple situation being completely misrepresented with the potential for job loss. The ultimate bullies or so it seems.

[@zubeidaismail]

Hi, thank you for your video, I've always struggled with thinking of what to say when someone is rude. Regardless of the setting. Do you think saying, oh okay , you're entitled to your own opinion is a fine response and then just change the topic afterwards (indicating that what they said didn't really matter to you ) what do you guys think ? I want a one liner that can just work for all rudeness, because im tired, and i don't like people having so much power over my emotions.

[@christinao8877]

My HR manager would judge the women in the department by if they were married or not. If they were married well..they didn’t really Need the money or benefits so she would pay them less. Any woman married should leave the status handbags, large engagement rings, and anything that signals wealth at home. Also, employees made comments about my car and home when they found out where I live.

[@anneyaquechavez3264]

Sometime when a question like that comes up. I usually respond while secretly recording, "how is that question productive to the project/ post /assignment/or file.

[@gandalfthegrey]

I have a "lead" at work who accused me of wanting their job, told me that they find me intimidating and I told them that I don't want to know these things. They doubled down on it despite me telling them that I do not want their job. We supposedly "cleared the slate" but I finally had to go to the management because they went back to the same behavior. It's a vicious cycle right now.

[@Ken9284]

My issues are the passive aggressive, competitive coworker who shit talks at work.

[@middleviesoul]

My coworker always calls me “Girl” I did ask her where pick up this habit? Because in cutlets it’s an insult & she told me to her women can be girls if your 20 or 80 yrs old. I told her it’s an insult if you call the (male) CEO - boy & she agreed that she would never to that. But women are girls & I said it’s insulting & she said that’s my fault. I have not gone to my boss, I had in the past & they tell me to ignore her.

[@coachjacob]

Great point, so many become judge and jury to opinions and limited thinking. I agree, but knowing you it is because you are on a mission to help so many others. Just look at the result and any nay sayers could see you make a difference! All this brain talk lets me know my mind or brain is in allot of "fight mode"! Good thing I am self employed.