How To Set PERSONAL Boundaries | How to Maintain Your MYSTERY

Ladies, do you find it hard to set boundaries? Do you find it difficult to tell people 'no'? Do you find that people encroach on your personal space?
In this video, I tell you the importance of maintaining your mystery as an elegant woman. Being an open book and striving to be the centre of attention can kill your level-up journey. Here I tell you the importance of being a private person and setting healthy boundaries and show you how to do so.
Woman of Elegance is a platform for women across the globe to become sophisticated, classy ladies. It will help refine your behaviour in all facets of your life from etiquette, to your lifestyle.
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TAGS
#Maintainmystery
#PeronalBoundries
#Mysterious
#how to set boundaries
#personal boundaries, how to make people respect you
#boundaries in dating
#healthy relationships
#how to set boundaries with people
#how to say no

[@gemmamoverley1759]

All so very true. Some of these lessons have been learned the hard way. Great video!

[@pinkycandice6855]

HOW TO MAINTAIN YOUR MYSTERY 1.let your mystery be inexplicable 2.Dont be an open book=keep people guessing 3.Contain your excitement 4.Dont let everybody to know about your relationship 5.Be confident without compromising your integrity 6.Dont talk too much=don't allow people to laugh at your expenses

[@SandraSmith-fp7cr]

Thank you for the summary.

[@rosescott2925]

Yes. Thanks so much for your channel. I have learned so much from you.

[@NinaBlow]

I find being mysterious and having confidence that is not loud breeds a lot of jealousy and envy from others.. like they just have an insatiable need to know every little thing about you

[@kemyskuisine]

True you're right

[@Shamara418]

This is so true !!!

[@adventurousdaydreamer]

No lie stated and they may try to project onto you too. 🙄

[@YourFavoriteRealEstateAgent]

Very true!

[@aisharicci6400]

But it shows how insecure these people are!

[@aliciastewart3037]

I made the mistake of assuming everyone was a friend in my 20's. A lot of information was told to the wrong ppl and they still have that perception of me almost 30 years later

[@sheilaoduori194]

Me too. I know better now.im glad

[@toyin2376]

Same here

[@jessnaturaljess]

At 38, I learned this in my 38 year. I’ve been used for my new energy and access. I had zero boundaries. Now I have boundaries galore.

[@zahramissy4837]

Same here dear. But I have learnt so much in my 30’s

[@sossoft]

This is so true. That's why I was so happy to move abroad at 25. Now I'm back home and I don't have contact with anyone from before and I'm not on social media.

[@Daisy_518]

- Let your mystery be inexplicable. -Keep people guessing : Only tell your secrets/private information to a few selected people. -Don't be an open book -Contain your excitement. Implement restraint even during positive times of excitement. - Don't let them see everything about your relationship. -Be confident without compromising your integrity. (You don't have to show every single part of your body). Be silently confident. - Know when to stop talking. Don't keep talking all the time. Your job isn't to keep people entertained. Thanks for the great advice, Vivienne.

[@lvettesonai]

If you divulge everything, "You keep people entertained. Ladies, you are not a clown." BEST advice ever.💖

[@katiekrupa6608]

One of the best videos I have ever watched! Being descreet is soo lacking nowadays. People dont realize how much they lose when showing or telling to much. Im also working On it .Very important topic. I would be more than pleased to get more information to this topic. For example how to react in a approproate way to people to show them your boundaries.Thank You very much ideed! I have watched it a few Times already 😊

[@WomanOfElegance]

Aww thank you so so much💜🥰🥰

[@kaylove7002]

I agree

[@senayaethel1830]

That's right! I wiil be pleased if you do the video on how to react appropriately for people to know their boundaries. Thanks

[@lopeinspired7595]

I used to be very quiet about everything important to me but I moved to a new place late last year and was living with an older person who is a self esteem coach, till early this month. She told me things that could help me even though I didn't have a bad self esteem prior to my stay with her. I tried implementing her advise by opening up to people more about myself but it hasn't been too good so far. Maybe, my quiet style was the best after all. I'm going back to people earning my respect for access into my life. Thank you for this video! I just subscribed!!!

[@sheliztety7972]

You stated that it's an older person.... times have changed. The older person generation,people were free to talk about anything without thinking about what the other person will feel or do.With this new generation ,silence is golden.

[@lopeinspired7595]

@sheliz tey I agree with you. In this present age, silence is golden!

[@lifeincolor2011]

Totally agree with Lope- Kudos to you for trying though- that in itself shows growth- realising it’s not your style nor does it work for you, and doing what feels true- priceless! Love and light beauties!

[@21stcadvoc89]

💜💜💜

[@britjj5126]

@sheliz tety I disagree. The older generation were not all about overstating. If you watch old Hollywood movies for example, there was always things left unsaid that if read between the lines, you'd understand. People didn't plaster/talk about everything going on with them. There was a certain elegance and social boundaries and etiquette polite society understood, and lived by.

[@faithchollom4427]

It's the last line for me; "Don't let people laugh at your expense". Love this!!!

[@daisyab8188]

I am a believer of Jesus Christ and one of my Christian ethics is to try to say less and listen more. And i noticed that when you try to maintain boundaries, some people may think you're too secretive, or you're old-fashioned. People mistake being everywhere with your life as being trendy. Well, am glad 😊 to see there are like-minded people as me out there. Thank you for the video. You're truly an elegant woman. God bless you.

[@yuki._loves]

Oh Daisy you're truly an elegant person yourself! I was surprised to read your comment. I thought we were really similar haha May God bless you in your journey

[@Queen-ConsciousYa]

Yes ppl hated me in the military because I didn’t tell them my business 😂😂

[@christislord1360]

True converted Christian ladies Know that submitting to their lord jesus Christ helps in behaviours.

[@alinafedwards]

Silence is golden,am learning that now,damn this hits home.

[@sbella6719]

"Do not allow others to laugh at your expense" on the otherhand learn to laugh at yourself. I say this because if you don't, it can make you incredibly self- conscious in public. There IS something very alluring about a mysterious woman but sometimes it can cause one to be very guarded about our imperfections. Which can lead to shame if they're exposed. IMO from my experience

[@muta_othernames]

Very true! Things like journaling, therapy and confiding in good, actual friends is really important

[@aMissAdventure]

At a social gathering, a person I had only briefly met once before asked what my work salary benefits package was, in front of others. I politely declined saying I don’t share that information. She asked “why” and then again. But I think handled it well enough. Now I have experience for next time.

[@starrjohnson1327]

I get that quite a bit. The behavior is rude. My salary is no one's business! People with no class get away with too much

[@nicoleaiken]

Your response was great!!

[@reneecrotty6910]

Your videos are actually very good. Alot of people give me imposter vibes but you seem very sensible and wise! I just found your channel x Watching from Australia

[@mariemarie6545]

Am normally the kind of person that's very private...but sometime back I went through something painful, in my pain I shared stuff I wouldnt with different people. Now am not sure that was the right thing to do...but back then I just needed a friend. But now am back to default settings🙂

[@Aurora_Norway2000]

My question to you is did that person to whom you confided everything turn out to be a better friend or you saw a change is their character and attitude after that incident?

[@panyaholmes5334]

I've learned why some women vibrate very high. Mystery is a must have!! Thanks for your leadership.

[@artwithmamafairybreadd]

Once I became married and acquired sister-in-laws….I was automatically expected to divulge everything….if I seemed reserved and wanted some privacy, I was outed…or made to feel up myself….I was mortified at having no privacy…they even asked what size undies I wore…they ask personal questions like it’s no big deal…..I’m known to be very private….so I was very upset and annoyed and overwhelmed….I wished I knew what I should’ve done….thanks for this video… I’ve subscribed…🤫

[@aliciastewart3037]

In laws can be out laws!!

[@munequa81]

This has been my experience with my in laws, particularly a sister in law. She was so jealous and psycho we had to cut her off to get peace. She was hoping for my downfall. Jokes on her!

[@misselle1430]

@@munequa81 goodness. Jealous of her brother's wife lol

[@munequa81]

@@misselle1430 it’s very weird and apparently not uncommon.

[@Lalalu74]

@@munequa81 Mostlikely she wanted a husband like his brother that doesn means she is into his brother. Still jealousy

[@asceticfeminine]

I think maintaining mystery and keeping my life private is an act of humility. Being an open book is like begging for attention because we think our life has no significance otherwise.

[@britjj5126]

I was on remarking to my mother the other day how nosy, tactless, and entitled people are with personal questions. I've always been reserved and somewhat private, but people such as complete strangers will ask me personal questions such as who I live with, where I live, etc. It's so bizarre, given I wouldn't dream of asking people some of the questions I get asked. The funny thing is that those same people aren't keen to open up about themselves or try to evade, saying anything about their situation/life.

[@munix9351]

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

[@Queen-ConsciousYa]

Right. I always ask people “why are you asking me this?” Or tell them they don’t need to know this information. They either come up with some made up lie or excuse as to why they’re doing what they’re doing and I’m like yea whatever. You don’t need to know my personal business 😊

[@nubienatty]

The Art of Discretion is underrated.

[@Queenblessful]

People find you mysterious when you’re not an open book,, I have been told by friends over decades that am mysterious and am like how?? The answer always is, I barely knows much about you and I always smile and say that’s not true 😂😂😂😂. I call myself a listener but not much of a talker, if you have a diarrhea of a mouth fine by me, my mouth love been constipated.

[@ijeBeauty]

Constipated 😂😂😂

[@amberr6843]

You're gorgeous! I love that you are setting a great example and going against stereotypes of black women. Elegance belongs to no race

[@Ready4ChangeRU]

Yes! 👏🏽 👏🏽

[@britjj5126]

Can you please specify the stereotype against black women is American??? Because in many other parts of the world such as the continent of Africa and even Europe the stereotype that you speak of is not automatic. They accept that there are different types of black women including feminine and elegant.

[@bellebirodker6392]

What is the connection?

[@sherileenlambert2784]

💯

[@Ejerinjones]

Please create a video on being elegant and having boundaries at work.

[@MisssPearl09]

Absolutely brilliant advice as usual! An open book will never be read to the end, but a mystery will keep unravelling and getting better over time ❤️. Only one point of correction.... Beyoncé’s career has officially spanned 4 decades now not 2! (90s,00s,10s,20s) a true timeless queen

[@WomanOfElegance]

Thank you for this!! I love what you said about mystery...I wish I added that to the video!!! And re Beyonce: SACRILEGE!! How could I have got that info wrong?!!!! Thanks for the correction. Xxxx

[@MisssPearl09]

@@WomanOfElegance lol well Bey and I chatted and we forgive you because you’re awesome 💕

[@WomanOfElegance]

🤣🤣🤣♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️

[@danilaroche1156]

@@WomanOfElegance Beyonce is incredibly unelegant. Are you kidding me?

[@CEODRIVEHER]

I feel attacked…. In a great way! God has been showing this and she pops up in my feed 👩🏾‍💻💛!!! Whelp here I go on my journey to anonymity and elegance.

[@lessonswithdelmi4495]

💕🦁 Thank you MS. Vivian, I definitely need to work on discretion, boundaries and maintaining high standards, in order to be sophisticated, classy and elegant.

[@sfarkhoy]

Oh my lord. Just relax and be yourself! The right person will love you for who you are and you will learn together. It’s rules like this that make you freeze up on a date! Let go and enjoy life!

[@faitie6970]

I can hear the frustration in your comment🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

[@pearlybeaut]

😐

[@NaturallyTi]

Glad to find a space where a black woman is being classy, elegant yet humble and personable.

[@belindacrisp7078]

That is very interesting and hit home with me. I was bullied a lot when I was young and was aware that I used self deprecation to 'get in first' - to take away the opportunity for someone else to humiliate me. I didn't realise that I also have set myself up as a bit of an entertainer. I only lately have come to realise what 'setting boundaries' actually means. I thought it was controlling input from others not controlling my output, which seems a bit silly now, but if you don't 'get it' you don't get it. :/

[@halcyondays8945]

I totally get it. I had to overcome the same mindset!

[@devinedaughter5960]

I’ve seen many videos regarding mystery and privacy and this is the most genuine one by far. Thank you queen for sharing and God bless 🙏🏽✨💖

[@sossoft]

I'm trying to get my husband onboard with maintaining privacy. He comes from a family where he's parents don't have class, they follow certain cultural rules but class they don't have and they talk a lot. I'm glad he doesn't disagree with most things I say and agree that protecting our intimacy and private life is vital.

[@ladydelight2289]

Liked and saved before even watching! This video came right in time!

[@MrsBilly1014_]

This is confirmation that I’m not socially awkward or different in a weird way! Your lessons resonate so well because I see myself in all these pointers you’ve given……You’ve gained a new subscriber! Btw I lived in London for almost 7 years so I love and appreciate your accent 😉xx

[@elhadjdiallo633]

Not just ladies including men for real!!!! Thank you sister you have changed many lives in this universe!!!!!

[@beatricewanjiru2076]

I also made a mistake of trusting a girl in my 20's but am wiser now.

[@sherriecampbell6914]

Great Video. Even at my age, I am always listening to messages that can help me to better myself.

[@traciesplace]

Elegantly said... thank you 💗

[@aartitrivedi394]

There are extremely negative women out there who will share your very personal information with other women in completely different context than what you have told them. Have been there and experienced it. Its wise to share very minimal private life with people that you don't trust.

[@InnerPeaceFindings]

Wow..i love this subject..thank you very much for teaching me t be elegant.Subscribed..

[@taongam.ngambi8599]

How can one find the balance between being mysterious and still being open with your partner?

[@No8495]

This is so good! I wish I had known this years ago. Thank you for your beautiful advice.

[@nursegaines3519]

Great representation for darkskinned women👏🏿New subbie

[@elefoundation3703]

Elegance to non duties men

[@danilaroche1156]

It's for women ..period.

[@ankushparera7822]

Great video..some lessons I learnt a hard way..still subscribed!!

[@blisslove3758]

Thank you so much for these tips. I wish I knew this all in my twenties, never the less it’s amazing to know all these things now!🙏🏾 Many, Many, Thanks 😊

[@Robert-3691]

I'm deeply impressed by this. I had the privilege of reading something similar, and it left a deep impression on me. "The Art of Saying No: Mastering Boundaries for a Fulfilling Life" by Samuel Dawn

[@Be.me1]

How do you respond to “wyd?” via text. I’ve always ignored the question and skipped the subject. But is there a proper way to respond??

[@ebunoluwaprecious4895]

Say but don't say too much. Thank you for this

[@furglory2383]

Thank you so much Elegant Woman Beautiful points here

[@applesnicolle5144]

Vivienne, a lovely British accent helps! Lol

[@Olesia_Kurilo]

I have watched so many another channels about elegancy, but no one like you. You have all topics. Voice, clothes, manners... Everything. But other girls dressed elegantly but shout))

[@InResponseOutreach]

I always wondered how to tell people to mind their own business elegantly

[@danilaroche1156]

Say something like "I plede the fifth". It's really not such a big deal, is it? Who cares what people think as long as your life or livelihood is not threatened.

[@thomasle3980]

Hi there! I saw your channel and was impressed on the skills you've shared. Although im a male, i thought your advice was absolutely spot on and I learnt a few things of you and see the transferabilities in it. :)

[@goodgodess7497]

Wish my man R knew abt this he bought whole state in between us 🤦‍♀️😤🤯

[@Linda-ot3pj]

Stay away from people that have negative expectation over your life

[@nathachatoussaint4621]

Wow very powerful video. I made that mistake, now. I know better t hank you so much for that video. May god bless you always.

[@carrieshi7686]

Hey Vivien, I discovered your platform recently and thank you so very much for your precious time you take to open our minds&eyes on every piece of advice you give.

[@jenp342]

I like respecting myself, my boundaries and others, although when I come across people I don’t know that are nosey, asking where I work, what my name is, when I work, how I commute to work, when I finish my shift, where I live, where I shop, what company I work for….Part of me wants to just say, that’s really none of your business, I don’t wish to seem unsociable to others, trying to maintain my privacy, woman, especially nowadays have to be more aware when it comes to certain people and situations.it seems like single women go through this a lot, it is very off putting and uncomfortable.

[@ec1222]

Excellent video. Need to learn this much better, coming from a family where I was groomed to overshare and have no privacy whatsoever. Information was currency in our household.

[@brttnyddb18]

This is me always been this way. I started being more open as I got older

[@izodman]

This is valuable information that even some of guys may benefit. You’re correct about the times we live in that some are crass in their approach hoping to be accepted. I have seen this with former friends how much some have evolved for the worst. Sometimes I recall my dearly departed mama saying….always be a gentleman and remember your manners. Words of wisdom!

[@faithmoneyandrelationship]

I love this sis. You look amazing!!! Relaxed and glowy. Love It!!!

[@Necky.N]

I found this video very interesting and I can watch it over and over again.

[@mzsaintsquare8923]

I was wrong as well. Thank you for your teaching 💜💜💜💜💜

[@AllThingsSoul]

Beyonce may have maintained her privacy, but she is definitely not a Woman of Elegance.

[@danilaroche1156]

She's not elegant at all.

[@blessingmicheal6397]

How come I didn't get to see these videos on time But now I know better Thank you vivian

[@applesnicolle5144]

Vivienne your lovely example. Thanks for reminding us of presenting ourselves in elegance

[@PZJBimha]

My first time viewing your content. I am so drawn . Thank you for sharing. I have subscribed and am excited to watch more.

[@clouddancer46]

I could never live inside these boxes. Lol. 🤣🤣 I talk way too much and I love to overshare. 🤣 ❤️

[@Evavlogkita]

Dear Vivian, im a fashion vlogger, is it ok to share some info in my youtube profile? Info about profession, major studies, hobbies, interests , achievements, etc. bec. some people told me that if they know you made an effort to be well-schooled , u are an achiever ...they become more interested to watch your vlog, if they know some personal info (part of your biography) about u, they will get motivated to make time to watch. Some people said:"Oh maybe shes just good in speaking english bec, she grew up in English country but shes not educated enough, no achievements, so why would i waste time watching this person if she doesnt have good background/credibility. I hope to get a reply. Whats your opinion about it? Thank you. Greetings from the land of Tulips, Netherlands

[@melissagitts]

Containing excitement...that's the point right there. Something I've been working on and doing good on🤗🥂

[@tulioquintanilla5087]

W. Of. Mándame ya mis pascuas. Por wester jonior. A Tela Barrio la Brisas. Una cuadra. Adelante del Seguro Social. Horas. C. A.

[@phatheka]

This is such a profound advice especially in the era of social media

[@Evavlogkita]

Wow Vivian i love your channel and i love the proper words i mean the way u speak English , very professional. I wish to follow your facebook but dont know your name

[@lifeincolor2011]

At a new job, just had 2 people ask personal ( how old are your kids, the other where do they live)- dodged both questions by changing the subject in one and answered the other with never stopping to have the conversation ( didn’t answer the question)!

[@elefoundation3703]

Sometimes people ask because tbe don't mean it but yes boundaries help us draw the line

[@lifeincolor2011]

I don’t ask personal questions as I really don’t want to know as knowing the life story or any variation of a co-worker is useless info so I’m slightly annoyed when ppl intrude- sorta feels like it’s their right to know- my right to say no- oh and she tried yet again- happy for headphones!

[@sbella6719]

I'm older but I'm trying to figure out when did asking the age of one's kids become too personal. Some ppl ask questions to see what shared interest you may have or as a friendly conversation starter. I understand the desire and need for privacy especially considering how much is exposed on social media. However in the age of technology, genuine human interactions seems to be a thing of the past and I think that's kind of sad.

[@missadug]

@@sbella6719 asking the ages of people's children is definitely too personal. I think it's possible that people aren't as genuine as they once were. Some people are not rude necessarily, they just don't see the workplace as a place to make friends. I'm definitely one of those people. I have a job to do and that's what I'm there for.

[@sbella6719]

@@missadug too personal for YOU and you have the right not to answer. Everyone's personal comfort level is not the same and it depends on the work environment. Places I've worked, people loved talking about their kids. So yes being a mother myself, if someone mentioned their kids or displayed pictures of their kids, I just might ask the kids ages. Asking a child's age is kind of a reflex question that opens a conversation. If I felt someone was guarded then I would back off and leave them to their work. I've met some really great people through work that I no longer work with and when I think of them, their kids come to mind also.

[@sheilamella5547]

This has really helped me! Working towards being more elegant!Thankyou

[@AFocusedLiving]

Rather tell God or my parents at this rate

[@stylebylara98]

Nice one, I'm a new subscriber

[@rosemaryonyango3173]

i wish i could start life again. These lessons are great

[@maryndeti8624]

Nice!!!!next time tell us how to become confident.

[@tshepilekwana5254]

I'm happy I found your channel and I cannot wait to start implementing your advise.

[@dr.jovita4249]

Well said ma. Everything you said is true. I'm so happy to be one of your subscribers. Love you ma

[@John83118]

I'm invigorated by the depth and impact of this material. A book with akin themes offered a significant shift in my life. "The Art of Saying No: Mastering Boundaries for a Fulfilling Life" by Samuel Dawn

[@Starrr-ro8hg]

I find this information so helpful thank you pretty lady ❤ for years I’ve been wanting to go to a class , course to learn elegant ways and before hearing this 2 weeks ago I closed 1 of my social medias only have 1 left and I’m logged off almost all day ❤ I’m losing weight 20lbs to go and want to be elegant I want this change 🙏🏻🙌🌺🌺🌺🌺🌺

[@stormy8092]

My mother hated gossip. She would always say when people prompted her about others, 'that is not my story to tell....do you have her number? You could call her yourself." I have seen my mother deflect so much.....she was a master.

[@lmusima3275]

Remaining a mystery hit me hard this year. I came to notice that on WhatsApp I was posting too often and certain friends who drifted away from me were viewing my stories as soon as they were posted. They hadn’t contacted me but were seeing posts of all my holidays, social events, walks around the city and so on. I stopped posting and removed some contacts from seeing my profile picture and status. Now I’m enjoying moving in silence and peace

[@joyceasantewaa923]

Am in my early 20's...and everyone close to me know my secrets...how can I keep my secrets and make good decisions..

[@juliebryant3968]

Well you can keep your secrets buy not telling them your secrets .not hard really...

[@ogochukwupatricia5509]

Ma pls how can I private chat u?have been following u and I love all the things u debunk in this elegant journey, so have some personal questions I needed u to answer me,thanks.🥰

[@NkwanuiRashel-n6s]

Thank you so much , i sincerely appreciate you for this powerful leason ,May God bless you hundred fold ,since i started listening from you your messages,my life is not the same as it was . Big sis thank you so much for changing my life

[@mwihakimukuna3240]

Some of this lessons have been learned so hard. I have always found myself wondering if to post my babies on their birthdays or not. They are 4 years old if i post them does it mean am unrefined woman ? i will appreciate if you answer me this question. Thankyou

[@SharonBoo0305]

Thank you Vivian! Surprisingly, I already abide by these standards but this is a good reminder.

[@unk_mee]

Mine is not only boundary .. it is china bridge 😂

[@tulioquintanilla5087]

W. Of. Tiene marriage. Pues No se puede. Quererte. Tienes dueño.

[@_frangipani_]

But how do you respond when they ask intrusive questions though? Especially if it's in a situation where you can't really escape them?

[@jmphillips1989]

IF U R FABULOUS, PEOPLE WILL NOTICE

[@NurseGotGlow]

hi new here! 👋😍 Genuine question... how to be private and mysterious yet be authentic with your struggles instead of pretending "you have it all together " ?

[@ReenieSol]

You're amazing 🌻thank you for the teachings i have realized i need to change a few things

[@tildag.9809]

I’ve made a lot of mistakes being too open with people. It was later that I realized that I can’t trust them. Now, I’m learning a lot and redrawing from ppl. What do I do with the ppl I’ve been too open with? How should I behave towards them?

[@MalinaBellk]

Be nice but reserved. Respect them but respect yourself more. Just let them open up to you. Let them talk. Listen to their stories. Be kind to yourself, you’re not alone, and you grew. Past doesn’t define you. You are growing as a person and developing into a better , finer personality.

[@Dhammilicious]

@@MalinaBellk word!!!

[@tildag.9809]

@@MalinaBellk oh dear, thank you soo very much. I really appreciate this advice. 🙏

[@danilaroche1156]

Just make the shift and start listening more. Be warm and if they get nosy say you are working on your listening skills. Me? I'm a complete motor mouth but working on being more discreet.

[@shrutikakale1006]

You look very pretty....and speak well

[@claudinemabasa-barcebal6361]

cries in adhd 😅

[@juliethoward5402]

You are right .Thanks for that wonderful re minder . Am your avid fan . Well said .