How to spot (and stop) the mind games that make your life a misery

Рет қаралды 15,923

Күн бұрын

Пікірлер: 62

@lozey8317 7 ай бұрын

The "Yes, but..." Game is literally the whole relationship of a couple im friends with. Its tragic, but niether of them want to change, so it is what it is

@smoage 5 ай бұрын

I've never thought of it as "rescuing," [like you said we often don't notice] but I've often seen myself as a "helper," and that would put me in that spot on the triangle a lot. I have long seen my self worth especially in my relationships as tied to the support i give to others, and I get a bit lost in the process. And that support often becomes unwanted or frustrating, especially as I lose the bits of me that make me unique and fun/attractive and my focus becomes so fully someone else. I ultimately become confused and feel unappreciated and a bit lost [victim]. I think this is tied a bit to not feeling like I am "enough" on my own. That I'm not deserving of love unless I'm doing something for someone else [thanks Catholicism]. It's a tricky idea to step out of, but all of this is helpful. I'd be very interested in hearing more about ways to step out of that phase of the triangle!

@lenoooorrrr3685 8 ай бұрын

Wow this is amazing! Helps me clear up a lot of interactions I've had in my life. You deserve millions of views!

@Betwixt_App 8 ай бұрын

Oh, thank you!! I’m so glad to have helped!

@Katie-hr9xe 7 ай бұрын

BRAVO! Super job describing and explaining the triangle. The drama triangle is one of the hardest concepts for people to work with and on. Keep up the good work. Could you do one vid a bit more on getting off the triangle? Cheers!

@RoystonWilliams-s9y 5 ай бұрын

I've been looking for answers all over KZbin for about 2 years now and believe me this is the the best I've come across I'm very grateful for giving you time and all your help thanks again in advance you have answered all I need to know no need to looking in to this issue anymore you are one smart woman ❤❤❤ 😊

@Betwixt_App 5 ай бұрын

Oh, I’m so, so glad to have helped!!

@DR-vf9tr 8 ай бұрын

Wow. I've been familiar with this concept but your approach really helped me clarify this at a new level. Thank you so much!

@Sam-ug4xt 7 ай бұрын

Good video. Thank you. There is just wanting to help but also if you cant help someone, you can just say "ok. Sorry for your experience, wishing you luck". If the victim reacts to that... Basically we have to opt out. But a lot of times the person may say thank you, i will sort it on my own. Sometimes people just want to vent. They want to pity themselves. And they accept that no one else can help them. Sometimes as a rescuer that is hard to deal with. Not everyone is playing games.... We just dont wish suffering on people including ourselves. All in all, being compassionate, and conscious in our interactions is the way.

@dezlaroche8133 8 ай бұрын

Ok, I’ve studied this in 12 step program many times over the years, but this really drives it home, especially why I get stuck in it. 🙌🤯💡

@fatherburning358 8 ай бұрын

Pop over to the school of life comments, you can see this in action. 😂 Responsibility is my mantra, having lived in cptsd victim mode for most of my 50 years that time has now passed. Liking your content very much. 👍

@Betwixt_App 8 ай бұрын

Yeeeesh!!!

@Betwixt_App 8 ай бұрын

(That was about the SoL comments, btw!!)

@daethic421 8 ай бұрын

@@Betwixt_App What's wrong with the comments on SoL? I'm out of the loop 🦢

@drebugsita 3 ай бұрын

I follow them but I’m new to this. would appreciate an example of how this applies to that channel

@fatherburning358 3 ай бұрын

@@drebugsita drama triangle types inhabit Sol comment section. They often attack because they feel attacked. They're stuck in the triangle.

@zparmzt1612 7 ай бұрын

This is a good opportunity to practice communicating. Can we come up with a list of helpful phrases to use when forming ourselves in these interactions. Ex: a friend is complaining about another friend offending them. Instead of offering advice, ask. “Can you find a stand up for yourself?”

@allonszenfantsjones 7 ай бұрын

I guess you get to keep your hat!

@Nichmo30 8 ай бұрын

You are brilliant! You are an excellent teacher. I would love to take a class taught by you. I’ve also played the Betwixt game. Also brilliant ❤

@Betwixt_App 8 ай бұрын

Oh, thank you so much!! 🤩

@illssolution5720 7 ай бұрын

Well done! Thank you.... AND you've just illustrated how narcissists roll through each position all by themselves because someone said....

@victoriajensen3296 6 ай бұрын

This is absolute gold!!! Thanks SO much and I’m very happy to have found you 🙏💕🌸

@healthynfit 7 ай бұрын

like the clarity in your explanation to this complex power game, often played by humans

@Shafly_ 7 ай бұрын

This opened my eyes so much its amazing how much is going on behind our minds that we dont take note of, thank you for making this kind of content

@human_creature 8 ай бұрын

What do you suggest one do when someone else is being falsely accused or verbally abused? Ignore it so we don't get caught up in the drama? Council them to stand up to the aggressor, without backing them up?

@human_creature 8 ай бұрын

And what about someone talking behind someone's back? Doesn't silence make us somewhat complicit?

@davidfranklin5434 7 ай бұрын

I think the answer is to be honest; assert the truth, but not in an antagonistic way. Present the evidence and don't accuse anyone of being malicious; look toward finding a solution. The Drama Triangle pushes us toward playing one of the three roles rather than solving problems cooperatively.

@drebugsita 3 ай бұрын

@@davidfranklin5434presenting evidence is futile to those who are disingenuous aka covert narcs. It’s exhausting and maddening. They don’t care one bit. Just look at figure like trump etc, their only motive is power

@blewfargs 8 ай бұрын

(they should teach this in dramaturgy class, just like an intro day) ;)

@Betwixt_App 8 ай бұрын

Oohhh, they really should (I bet someone does somewhere!)

@muchamocha7 7 ай бұрын

Goodness gracious, this clarifies so much.

@chriscjamison 7 ай бұрын

Brilliant video. Thanks so much for condensing a very complex theory in a very digestable way.

@johnkennedy1242 5 ай бұрын

Should be watched once a week and practice .. Mindful Awareness Responsivity Honesty

@zhaya_gallery 6 ай бұрын

I got jammed in a drama triangle where i entered as a rescuer. Then i decided the victim is not grateful for all I've done to him and stopped at a point (i dont remember anybody asking me to rescue anybody). Then prosecutor seeing how i could call his bullying out at the begining and how i was willing to take him down on behalf of the victim became more aggressive and went out to seek allies paitning a picture of being bullied. The conflict kept brewing. Now i identify as the victim in the drama. The prosecutor now trying to save me after successfully establishing that he was the victim and i the prosecutor. In order to save me he pointed out how foolish i was to join the original victim when i probably could stay the like the good guy that i am and never sided with him. Amd i think now the victim has grown thick skins and is about to deal with me for failing to conclude my rescuing mission and probabaly will side with the initial prosecutor. At this point nothing is resolved but everyone went silent awaiting the next turn on the drama. I want to disengage badly.

@Derrek84 3 ай бұрын

How does this triangle theory fit if both my parents have been abusing me since childhood?

@Hildred6 8 ай бұрын

If a parent steps in when another parent is being mean towards a child in the way you describe it’s probably justified? Some parents are mean to children and it’s damaging. If you step in you are the rescuer yes, but not because it makes you feel good to rescue but because you feel genuinely bad for the child. You probably wish you didn’t have to do it.

@davidfranklin5434 7 ай бұрын

Yes... but also be mindful of the subterranean dynamics that might be behind this gesture. Perhaps the person who steps in might feel some righteous indignation at their partner (and hence moral superiority over them), providing them an egoic payoff, especially if they have an emotional investment in being seen as a kind person. All this is not to dismiss the correctness of protecting a child, but we should also be honest about the fact that we're all guided by unconscious motives that are sometimes self-serving and reactive.

@thehuntress8850 7 ай бұрын

But you shouldn't usurp one parents authority in front of the child unless the situation is getting really bad. You take them aside & discuss it with them.

@bulwarkjm2 7 ай бұрын

Holy Crap! This is gold. Thank you so much for sharing this. While looking for diagrams of this for my notes, I found some that included The Empowerment Dynamic (Creator, Challenger, Coach), which seemed to be a step to moving to a higher level Are you aware of this? If so, any chance of a video? Thanks again. I actually took notes on this.

@ChowHo-rf4kp 7 ай бұрын

Thanks for the insight

@MsGaella 8 ай бұрын

Excellent!

@CliffRockafella 2 ай бұрын

sounds like the general system we live under

@thehuntress8850 7 ай бұрын

So how do we deal with these types of people?

@thehuntress8850 7 ай бұрын

How do you deal with the rescuer?

@DoomElemental 7 ай бұрын

for baldur's gate 3 fans: Her name is Gale And she said she'll eat her hat :)) the hat must be a magic item for sure

@PartyOnDude_ 7 ай бұрын

George hasn't done his homework.

@SuzanneMetafora 7 ай бұрын

You one smart Gemini

@reginalynnbush 7 ай бұрын

Heck, even the Jesus story fits in here.

@rpghero46 6 ай бұрын

i seen 3 persecutors in my life this is not a solved all fix all for families. the only true is that nobody can truly make you feel comple so why relay on others.... the victims are weak users and subliminatee abusers the persecutors are helpless neurotics that will never know peace. the rescuer is a codependent buffon thats is so incompetent it cant solved his one issues WHY WOULD it solve others. and therapist are just licenced rescuers lol people please just focus on self improvement only you can make yoursekf happy relaying in any way on others is a ticket for unhappiness we are born and die alone. and money! focus on making money thata the true language of the world