How To Stop Being Insecure

[@niaselah3348]

I don't have a name for it but I call it the voice of abuse as it's the internalization of abusive messages I've been given

[@kierlak]

Our external critics from childhood often become our internal ones when we enter adulthood

[@niaselah3348]

@@kierlak 🎯💯

[@lovemyfamily11]

Jesus can heal your past! Pour your heart out to Him. Read the Bible . Seek Him. He came to save, heal and deliver!

[@robinkane.]

Call it Abusa and help her become Amuza ❤️

[@melyndafrazer1962]

I have such a fragile ego, rarely feel good about myself, insecure, no clue who I am, second guess myself, reluctant to make decisions. I’ve got work to do, with compassion. I’ve had so much trouble with all my jobs because of it and quite frankly, I struggle with life because of this. Makes me sad

[@happydays1384]

This statement is exactly who I am too. Life is such a struggle living with constant worry, fear, stress, insecurity. It's soul destroying. Time to change

[@thelastvbuck]

Yep I'm exactly the same! Hope we can both make it through this! Good luck!!

[@lovemyfamily11]

God bless you both. I was just listening to this and reading comments. I believe God wants to help heal you. Jesus came to earth to save, heal and deliver us! I believe if you turn to Him and read the Bible and pour your heart our to Him , He will heal your hearts. My heart aches for those struggling with this as I have been helping my stepson through this. But God healed him of seizures, gave Him a new identity. And delivered Him from demonic attack that came in the form of seizures and mental disorders. I pray the Lord heal you.

[@evanamiart91]

Mine is Dale and Ive always been talking to myself since I was about 3-4, so around 30 years. I feel like I'm actually talking to Dale and its been at me for many years, plus preventing me from doing my art as of that comparison mindset. Now, with seeing a therapist monthly and watching these videos daily for life for 2-3 hours to stabilise my mind/ego and it's working.

[@juliakristinamah]

I see you doing the work and not letting Dale make your decisions for you.

[@allylauer3766]

I'm reading the body keeps the score, and your strategy about giving the fragile ego a name connects to the theory that each of us has several identities that we have created over time to survive and protect our true Self. I love the idea of asking the unlovable, angry, insecure parts of us to step aside in order to experience compassion for our own broken hearts. I love being able to separate my ugliness and my wretchedness from my true Self. We contain multitudes.

[@isabellrc]

🙌🏻🙌🏻🙌🏻 I do not have DID, however, there are definitely different aspects, of me personally se, that have reeked havoc

[@johnny_roots]

Hahaha I chose to name it after a colleague... He is often telling me to hold back on my projects, to not take chances, to be afraid of what others will think, to not fulfill my greatest potential... I used to wonder why he would act so weird to me, now I know it can only be jealousy and bitterness. Well mr, take it back with you, it's your baggage, you deal with it because I'm done being intimidated

[@Dezzyyx]

exactly right

[@natalief3810]

Shifter here! Whooo this talk hit home. I call my ego Phoebe…the backstory is that she came in second place when my parents were deciding on my birth name. Phoebe likes to hijacker’s my thoughts and tell me I’m “small” and “unlovable”. I’ve struggled with codependency in my life and she likes to pop in as I learn to set boundaries. I’m working on intentionally noticing and even writing down when the people I care about are supportive of boundaries I set. It helps Phoebe feel more secure.

[@juliakristinamah]

Beautiful work Natalie. How can you help Phoebe feel secure even when people are not supportive of your boundaries?

[@isabellrc]

I like this approach!!!

[@chrisdigitalartist]

Hi Julia! Senior Shifter Chris here! I like the idea of naming our ego to help give a sense of separation from who we truly are. I don’t recall ever having imagery friend, (although I imagined other things like dinosaurs and space aliens) but I do remember in high school, one of my friends first started calling me by the wrong name, Clark, and even after I corrected him, I think he still thought I looked more like a Clark so he started calling me that every time he saw me or when I sat down and ate lunch with him. So, I always kind of like that. But of course, being in high school, I was struggling with insecurity, so...I will call my ego Clark! Thanks for the reminders so we know how to check with ourselves and with our egos! Here are my notes: * Your ego is your sense of self. * If you have an insecure ego, you can have an insecure sense of self. (Not feel good about yourself or overcompensate and try to appear better than others) *Try to over accomplish or overachieve * Try to perfect or please * Deferring decisions If your ego is feeling threaten, it may be… * When you act out or react internally in an insecure way to something. * When you feel jealous or comparing yourself and feeling "less than" and you make yourself "bigger than" * When you feel like who you are is not good enough and you have to do or archive or accomplish and to feel "good enough" * When we try to do things to prove or earn our worth, those tasks are not going to be done. That is not how worth is created. What do we do? *Name it - Name that insecure ego (an actual name) and notice when your ego shows up (Not your authentic self) *Spot the story - Is that ego trying to convince you that you are not good enough, lovable enough or worthy enough? *Ask yourself - When I believe this story, how do I act or react? What would I want to think about myself instead? (Think healthier about yourself and get better outcomes in life)

[@juliakristinamah]

Thanks for this Chris.

[@chrisdigitalartist]

@@juliakristinamah My pleasure, coach!

[@sarahmadebysarahk]

This is exactly it. I hate I get so jealous, jealous the past life is better than anything I can bring to our relationship, and this explains it! I need to give that insecure me a name... old me.. Judy. Jealous Judy can go away. I don't need her in my life anymore. Thank you!!

[@sharonp4106]

👋Shifter here! 🔔🔔's sounding at PROCRASTINATION! Instantly transported back in time and witnessing a lack of encouragement when I struggled with learning something. Somehow, I was supposed to *get* everything I was taught, leading to insecurities and a "why bother" attitude. Now to nurture that side of myself!❤

[@juliakristinamah]

Yes! And you can start with letting yourself not get something at first, and giving yourself the space to learn. See what that is like. Glad you're here Shifter.

[@isabellrc]

SHIFTER here. I posted as well. After reading yours, there went yet, another, “Oh yes, that’s me too.” I see where this came from. I never had my authentic self supported!

[@KerryViner]

Mine is Lola. She was my sassy dog

[@II-lena]

Haha love the background story

[@shakiralippert442]

Hi Julia nice to meet you.I am Shakira all the way from South Africa,I really enjoy your topics , counseling and help .It really means a lot to me as I was very young when my parents divorced.I then got married young ended up in a very bad divorce and today I'm a mom to two beautiful boys ..my sister's still treats me like a child and I'm almost 41yrs old.On the other hand I feel insecure because I am in a relationship with someone whose parents was never there for him since young so I really learn alot from your counseling how to navigate life I take it as counseling.Thankyou from the bottom of my heart ,May God bless you abundantly.🙏🌺🌺💗

[@cjay2658]

I'll name it my middle name. I love this! I needed this so much unorder to heal from the emotional & verbal abuse from my mother. God Bless you!!

[@juliecambronne6174]

This probably the most valuable message I have received in a while. I have not put a name to the messages from my brain. But I see how valuable it can be to separate those thoughts from truth. We are our own worst critics and I would NEVER talk to others in the way I criticize myself. I hesitate to give it a human name as it conjures up people I know. But I could just called her Antigone as she has become the antagonist of my true self. She takes me down at my most vulnerable times. Thank you for the message,Julia. Well taught! Message received.

[@elijahgwei1004]

Hello Julia, u are out here saving lives n making a huge difference in the mental health space. I had suffered with social anxiety, low self esteem, depression and feeling of being stuck in a mental prison for several years now. I had a college mate who made fun of my walk and said I walk like a female n that affected me for so long that I literally try to hide from people and it affected my life, career, family and me functioning as a normal person. Naming that voice or feeling I hear everytime I try to walk around people with that person name, is already so relieving n I have tears of joy in my eyes.

[@Jules-zg1ip]

I don't really have a name for her other than the "hurt child" that refuses to release her grip on me. Her grip is particularly strong when I am around accomplished, confident people. She is right there to tell me I am not that. How I wish I could distance myself from her....or heal her.

[@juliakristinamah]

Jules, instead of thinking that you are not these things, what would you like to be thinking about yourself?

[@allylauer3766]

Read the body keeps the score!

[@misschloe9451]

Mine is “Nelly”because when I was a little girl I was often told I looked like Nelly Olsen from Little House on the Prairie and I hated that because she was so nasty. Also, we’ve all heard the term “Negative Nelly”.

[@juliakristinamah]

I could imagine that, in and of itself, was hurtful.

[@thisisme3238]

Very good content, glad I subscribed. Thank you

[@juliakristinamah]

Really glad you're here too. Welcome!

[@thisisme3238]

@@juliakristinamah thank you

[@hollylanevintagetreasures]

Thank you. I'm desperate to overcome my insecurities. This was something I needed to hear today.

[@audreyc3078]

Thank you for making this video! I learned a lot from it.

[@farbeyondfading8697]

Recently discovered this channel and have watched a lot of your videos in support of my personal improvement journey. You provide great advice and communicate in a way that provides a lot of comfort. Thank you for what you do, and best luck to everyone on this journey as well ❤

[@MathewBiondich]

Julia I feel more good about the person you are and it gives me hope that maybe there is a woman that is as bright as you that I can find. I can't help but not like many other people but I feel very comfortable to listen to your instructions and you also remind of someone I've known but moving across America has made me find completely new connections. I have realized that most of my relationships have almost always come from someone that feels comfortable with me from seeing me around and taking part for there activities. Very rarely or maybe not at all have my good friends came from a first impression

[@oliverrojas3185]

Experieincing iternal resistance when taking new life changing steps. Thanks for posting this video.

[@juliakristinamah]

what do you think that resistance is about?

[@oliverrojas3185]

@@juliakristinamah Fear of uncertainty that accompanies progress and learning how to navigate conflict with aplomb in instances where it causes peers and supervisors discomfort.

[@oliverrojas3185]

@@juliakristinamah it’s about taking steps to end a side of me that engages in escapism and is addicted to pornography. Although l. Know in my mind that letting those things go is opening a door of time that allows for engaging in greater responsibility, there’s also a side of me that recognizes those behaviors are what helped get me to where l am, but no longer serve my current interests.

[@niaselah3348]

I think it's also important to consider how we collectively give these messages of not enough and comparisons in order to invalidate. A lot of times it's not just in your head. You have received those messages from your environment and when you do the work of deconstructing them and move from that place, a lot of times you experience the push back from the environment which reinforces those messages The individual work is double. Towards yourself but also regarding the messages or narratives we collectively reproduce

[@Dezzyyx]

I guess that would be the ego response/defense of others, as ego is insecure it's threatened by a secure ego, and wants you to stay on the insecure ego plane with them

[@FaintAura]

I'm pretty secure about the relationships in my life, but they're pretty much all long-lasting ones. I don't have much experience in making friends as an adult so my newest friendship (of less than a year) is causing me insecurity, and it's not necessarily something my friend is doing. I can talk to her about anything and she's pleasant. I very much enjoy her company. My insecurity comes when I see her laughing and enjoying herself with other people. I feel like she'll eventually get bored with me and find better friends. It's possessive thinking and not good for either of us, but how can I stop it?

[@Dezzyyx]

realize what she does or wants is out of your control, so there is no need trying to

[@juliakristinamah]

I hear you - it can feel scary to open ourselves up to new relationships when we don't have a long history with the person to feel more secure in. Although we can never control how long someone decides to stay in our lives, it sounds like she values you as much as you value her. What about resting your mind on that fact right now?

[@FaintAura]

@@juliakristinamah thanks Julia. Help further soothe my insecure brain - what from my post makes you believe she values me like that?

[@SOGSouljah]

Great insight!! Your hair looks really good 😊

[@adrianp891]

Thank you so much for sharing

[@theannacorley]

Your videos are always so insightful. Thank you for posting. It really helps reframe my thinking 😊

[@TVOF1]

I love you. 🤟🏾 your videos possess deep, enriching perspectives.

[@isabellrc]

I look forward to the next video. I see No, I don’t do this. Then, oooo, I did create personas that were not me. This was crisis in of itself. Very sad when I look back at it now!! I definitely want to bring more of this to our Shifters, and work it through.

[@rongike]

those more destructive sides of the ego can still be helpful in a way, that is if they're no longer in charge of our lives. they are what helps us empathize with people who are still struggling with these issues, otherwise we might just go "oh those idiots, what's wrong with them, why don't they just love themselves" 😅

[@Dezzyyx]

good point, but now that I have grown and seen beyond the ego myself it does bother me to see people who are still stuck, both because I want them to realize the same things as I've done, but also because now I have to put up with their egos despite knowing it isn't really my job, but it is theirs and they're not doing the work. And that sees us stuck in a poor quality relationship despite me growing as a person. No one wants to be stuck in a negative past pattern when they grow beyond it. Think someone leaving their abusive relationship behind, why would they go back when they finally realized they deserve better. You can only do so much for another at your own expense. So it's hard to tolerate too much ego from others when you're onto greener pastures. I'm much better at ignoring them now though, and not reacting in turn or internalizing their insecurity as my problem.

[@rongike]

@@Dezzyyx you can have compassion for someone from a distance, honoring their process and wishing the best for them

[@juliakristinamah]

Amen. Empathy always wins.

[@sofiaaa3]

Thank u so much for this incredible video !

[@godsdaughter1185]

I feel good about who I am, but sometimes other people have attempted to make me think that I am not good enough.

[@GoProaffilliates]

This is helpful, thank you so much

[@benjaminjonathan2700]

I'm Benjamin Jonathan and I watched this because this is my problem

[@williamchevalier2224]

Your videos are helping me grow

[@dianashaan1446]

Came to this video after recent events. I don't understand where my insecurity literally comes from. I have always excelled at whatever I did but never had formal achievements of them (I can dance really well but never had a formal training, same for acting, debating etc.etc.). Whenever I see others going better at them or anyone with formal training, I get so insecure. I get defensive. Nothing I do makes me happy. I always look for new hobbies, excel in them then abandon them because nothing will ever give me that sense of happiness ot self achievement and its literally the worst.

[@laib-et6qf]

Mam ! Outstanding . You are amazing so amzing . I just listen to only one vedio of yours and it greatly help me.. thankyou for putting your enery for helping me.

[@NightlightPro]

My egos name is Vex. I'm a man in my 30's and I've been struggling with insecurity.

[@Marekcatholic]

Shifter . Great topic , Julia! the name that Ive given it is Richard. Sometimes he is giving me a hard time. :)

[@juliakristinamah]

Hey Shifter - thanks for sharing!

[@beckymabry2602]

Thank you so much for these videos. Sally is going to be kicked to the curb!

[@juliakristinamah]

#byesally 😉

[@sahirradessessoz]

I love your channel! I am new subscriber

[@gardenbee1238]

Some people need to bully to overcome their insecurities. I avoided my feelings and conflicts due to insecurity.

[@allylauer3766]

I dont remember ever receiving negative messages from my caregivers regarding my worth or love. I always felt loved. Yet growing up i struggled so much with self esteem, perfectionism, agreeableness, ppl pleasing, a sense of agency, things i am still working on. Are these just impossible expectations that i put on myself of "not enough?"

[@kirstenvzumba9246]

I know! Me too!! I don't remember any childhood trauma from my parents. But I've been struggling with feelings of insecurity for as long as I can remember!! I think they must've been from teachers, other kids in school, seeing idealistic images on TV (in the 60's and 70's), these are the things that I remember made me feel "different" and inferior

[@Slidesolos]

It’s not just like oh my face has acne or my nose is too big for me… I have lots of scars from the past and one from personal harm that I can’t ever get over and i can’t stop thinking about how I hate myself so much everyday because of it.

[@inthedetails5467]

I’m pretty secure but I’ve called the triggered me the “Childhood Version of (my name)” that is like this scared tyrant who I choose to consciously “spare” people of when I feel hurt because I can be petty and backstabbing.

[@kierlak]

I do love your channel (especially videos on HSPs), however I don't like something about this video. Let me explain: Everything you said is great apart from "Kicking Cindy to the kerb" and "putting some parts of ourselves aside". Perhaps my perception is coming from my background (which is Internal Family Systems Therapy) where it's basically parts work and what I learned is that there are no bad parts and the best approach is to actually get closer to parts of ourselves that we may be disliking, helping them out and releasing the burdens that they've been carrying. And ultimately those parts eventually do transform. I get the general idea: rewriting our stories we've been telling ourselves, challenging our beliefs about ourselves that we have developed while growing up. Maybe I am just being chery picking little bit but I am just curious on your thoughts regarding my comment.

[@juliakristinamah]

I agree with you. We do need to integrate and radically accept all parts of ourselves, but becoming more conscious means we recognize when certain parts of ourselves are trying to threaten our security in our being. In those cases, those parts of us need a stern talking to and need to know that even if they are there, they are not the one calling the shots. Like a child throwing a tantrum - we recognize a deeper need is being expressed without knowing how to express it in a helpful way, and we love the child regardless, but as we seek to learn what the need is, we also teach them ways to express such needs in a more helpful way, and discourage the tantruming.

[@allylauer3766]

Yesss IFS

[@pamwatkins4855]

Mine was Cindy, Karen ,Lori, Susie, sometime I was. Quite weakling and also they were a chalenge need to write about husbands girlfriends he chalenged me with

[@richardwilsonavena]

Im on a journey of my own to explore the depths of my own insecurity. I want to understand it. For example. I am told by so many that I am a very talented musician but I cannot bring myself to perform in front of other people. This insecurity is probably the most important thing I am working on currently. But, alas it is still hard to make that final jump,

[@sterlingpless4335]

The voice of negativity kick out bad people in your life

[@SoniaProteau-cj6tk]

I agree 😊

[@carefulcarpenter]

Many "overachievers" out there. "A critic is a master of imperfection." cc. 2004

[@justingalbreath4489]

Donny as in donny downer...lol I have always thought for some reason.

[@lucycolon1538]

I don't have a name yet, but thank you for your help and guidance.

[@CartoonKidOLLY]

God I hate myself even more after watching this 😂 ticked every box

[@tylerdonald6050]

Good evening yall. Tyler here ❤

[@tylerdonald6050]

I haven't named my ego yet

[@stevecatanio8532]

Different today.💪

[@bobbyth1]

After I went through divorce, I become unsecure, and I cannot trust anymore I lost all my trust with all my family members.

[@SamanthaDean-o3u]

I think my ego name will be twister because of all the twist and turns from when I was born till now

[@optimisticexistentialism999]

I name this ego part of myself Richard

[@rongike]

I think a good way to determine whether your goals are wholesome is to imagine fulfilling them and then sensing if what that makes you feel is happiness or pride. If pride is your motivator, it's most likely driven by insecurity.

[@juliakristinamah]

Interesting - I like this.

[@erikalarsson]

I go yo person that abuse me i try to convinse them to se my eoth and approved that i am good girl alwas getting eorse they disdcare me more.itd so hard dont have noone that love me no friend no family .i forget my autinc self is

[@dander3323]

My name for my fragile ego is Leroy

[@dinalist1864]

Hi

[@debyaka]

I'm gonna name my ego "Duncan" because its a crappy name for a fitting crappy problem.

[@juliakristinamah]

lol. This is great.

[@Solo83073]

Mine is Dexter.. 😮

[@KatieHughes-p4v]

Self low esteem

[@sterlingpless4335]

Go out and meet new people

[@metalciti]

Augusto 😆😆😆

[@KatieHughes-p4v]

The other Aaron didn't want me was well

[@laib-et6qf]

I name my destructive drama ego as .... abia.. as my name is laib.

[@markdavid1741]

My ego name is Jacob!

[@FrancescaReardon-q4v]

My named I've called my ego thing becci

[@KatieHughes-p4v]

Lot

[@AmanSS890]

Growing up I was very insecure allways second guessed everything that I did but as I started doing my own thing like a few years ago go I opened my own business and I am a LOT MORE OPEN TO NEW IDEAS . I think we get stuck to much what other people are thinking about us when really they. Aren’t . Facebook and Instagram only is someone’s high light real remember that . Your videos have helped me 😀 thanks a lot

[@Brandosky]

Nelson is mine

[@Deserthawk9487]

kicking Cindy to the curb!

[@elin_]

I'm madly frustrated at everybody that helped shaping me into the insecure f***head that I am today...

[@godsdaughter1185]

I am Crystal

[@KatieHughes-p4v]

He didn't just don't want at all

[@stevehartwell1861]

Haven't named him yet am aware he exists.

[@KatieHughes-p4v]

He didn't just keep tak to si friends

[@sterlingpless4335]

by shutting up and quit listening to hypocrites man they are the worst... Also one woman from New Jersey or New York City who keeps saying the same thing insecurity...

[@II-lena]

I’ll call her haneen

[@KatieHughes-p4v]

I have a boyfriend called aidan

[@KatieHughes-p4v]

He didnt want me

[@KatieHughes-p4v]

And josh see other cheat wit me

[@KatieHughes-p4v]

He didn't want to see me

[@k3ls3y98]

I'm gonna call her Katrina cause she comes in like a hurricane.

[@siayang8258]

Nancy - for negative Nancy lol

[@Clevelandsteamer324]

Throw away the script

[@thegspotblog-everythinggen5460]

Let's knock it outta the park ❤

[@stevecatanio8532]

But also professional. But hot too..

[@JohnWick-h9s]

😂Rikki & followers of

[@tunteja475]

Cik