How to Stop Compulsive Lying in Relationships (TRUTH AT LAST)

HOW TO STOP COMPULSIVE LYING IN RELATIONSHIPS (TRUTH AT LAST)
How do you stop compulsive lying in relationships? Why do people lie in relationships? What do you do when you have a lying husband & how to deal with it? What do lying in relationships mean?
Why is the best lying in relationships advice? What are some lying in relationships characteristics? What are some lying in relationship signs? Well, we will dive deep into this topic of lying in relationships, psychology behind it, and more.
This video will give you all the tools you need on how to stop compulsive lying in relationships, meaning that I will empower with the tools to stop this cycle of lying once and for all - this is lying in relationships, explained.
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• How to Stop Compulsive...

[@GeoffreySetiawan]

Hey guys! Thanks for watching and I hope that was helpful. Be sure to check out my brand new masterclass on the 5 Proven Steps to Rebuilding Your Relationship/Marriage. (Warning: Spots are limited) 💪 Here is the link to the MASTERCLASS! -> relationshipsmastered.com/masterclass 🎁 Download the FREE GUIDE! -> relationshipsmastered.com/healing-partner-emotions 🗣 Join the FB Group! -> facebook.com/groups/1032426806961329/

[@robertzhang8068]

Are you available for couples therapy sessions online?

[@kaleighlolani8405]

The fact that he pin pointed everything I couldn’t explain made me cry so hard..

[@adamtajhassam9188]

i learnt this long ago and glad i no longer fear losing anyone - cause the truth will keep you strong w the right people. Few mistakes again w this consultant is again blaming men only as he refers to everything as "he"

[@camryute90]

My partner has tried so much to let me know that our relationship is a safe space for me to communicate openly and that I won't get in "trouble" for sharing things with her. I think my issues with emotional safety run so much deeper than just my relationship with my partner, I've started to see a psychotherapist and there is inner child work that needs to be done. But I'm worried that the fear of telling the truth is too deeply rooted in me and that I won't be able to change fast enough to save the relationship.

[@GeoffreySetiawan]

This is a very common problem. Have you joined our masterclass yet? I think it will be helpful for you.

[@TheTarnishedOne]

i resonate i hope you are in a better place now

[@nutellaluver00]

problem is, if they feel safe, they continue to be disrespectful because they know they won't get reprimanded. they take advantage of the fact that they won't face a bad reaction and think it's ok to act like that constantly

[@abdurraheembwanika9809]

Exactly.....one has to take a strong stand because safety starts with a healthy relationship.

[@JohnDoe-et4oq]

Well would u rather know, or not know about it . Cuz you have more control over a situation you know more about . Would rather Leave em when it gets too much than stay with em and not know

[@musikraft249]

Agreed, thats a tough one to rap my head around

[@Lflav]

That’s when you watch videos about setting boundaries & following through with them.

[@jaredbuell1]

@@Lflav hell yeah. one problem at a time folks.

[@asteriamoon1817]

If someone who says they love you and keep lying, thats absolute disrespect. Fuck that

[@sambrian174]

My partner lies about the dumbest things. I'm not the jealous type. To the point that his friends sometimes laugh that I'm more excited when he goes out. I'm not, I just want him to be happy and have thriving connections with other people. But he lied about who he was with (I have no issues with anyone in his life). He lied about going to an event. I'm in the same industry so I don't see anything wrong with the event. He lied about who he has lunch with. I don't really care if he goes to lunch with female colleagues - I even tease him and compliment him that he's a wonderful and charming person. Even when he was forced to finally admit the truth about very serious lies about our finances, I even thanked him for being brave enough to tell the truth. That I know it must have been hard. And I appreciate him and I'm happy he can finally talk to me. We opened up to each other and I thought we were in a much stronger place. Only to find evidence of ANOTHER heinous lie. So tell me then. Objectively, how the hell did I make anything unsafe. I moved out of our home. He's made me feel so unsafe and disrespected in our marriage.

[@magengarmon600]

And how long and how many times am I supposed to give them a calm response? I've given him all the time and space to speak his truth. 7 years I'm done with the continual lying.

[@35sarab]

well i tried asking hm nicely but he wasn't bent on telling till i hired the services of + 1 404 796 9258 who did happen to get access to his deleted cheating texts and social media apps..i'll just present the evidence later in court during our divorce process

[@WarmongerYT]

Same

[@CansuBilal]

The thing about me is... I told him every, single detail about my life, my 2 ex boyfriends and many other secrets. He was okay with it. So I expected the same from him. I asked him EVERYTHING... He lied for months, a year... he never had a gf, but I've been discovering new stuff about his past love interests that he never told me, he gives me new information every fucking week about something that breaks my heart. I tell him to be honest. He says okay and 2 minutes later I discover that he lies again... Sorry but, I gave him the chance to speak up about his past, his life, everything. He accepted me for the person I was. I was gonna accept him too, 100%. I just don't find it fair when he lies about his life, meanwhile I told him everything... Now he sent me this video... I think that he tries to imply that I'm a horrible listener/partner....... fml.....

[@trapmoses2333]

No need to be human stairs for no one

[@AndresVidz]

@@CansuBilal years of childhood trauma on covering up lies and growing up in a certain environment, parents, family, outside validation, can cause ptsd which might take your partner their entire life to fully figure out. Have empathy and decide if you’re willing to deal with his situation, or someone else. Just know you and your partner aren’t cut from the same cloth.

[@kestonkazuko7574]

I lied to my partner about some things and finally exposed them to him. He’s been more distant with me as he is processing everything but he didn’t get mad. I’m so disappointed in myself mostly for not coming out about everything sooner. I don’t have a good track record with expressing myself openly and I feel like this video is helpful in figuring out how I can handle the situation, how I can be there for him while he processes everything. Thank you for this.

[@chickenwings5357]

I understand 100% how you feel. My parents caught me doing something against their consent and i compulsively lied about. (I was running away from judgement and interrogation). It didn’t start eating at me because I’m not that close with my parents, but when they involved my siblings (who I trust w everything) I had to start lying to them too. Lie after lie after lie we’re building and I couldn’t keep up. Now that everything has been exposed, everyone thinks I’m a compulsive liar (which I probably am) and I deserve this and accepted it. What’s really hard to get used to though, is that even when i am being honest, they think I’m lying. And it really stabs at you. Because you feel like you can never truly be liberated from your old self. They all want me to change but I can’t grow if I feel like they’re still treating me like the person I’m trying to outgrow... I’ve had suicidal thoughts for the first time in years because I feel like no one will ever believe anything I have to say, you question your whole existence (don’t worry I’m better) It really is the worst feeling

[@shawnchrystafur]

You’re the ONLY person on KZbin that speaks on emotional safety for the truth. I think that’s completely underrated in understanding why people lie in relationships. I wasn’t honest in my last relationship due to not feeling safe and worrying about the consequences of being truthful and vulnerable. I just wasn’t sure if it was a safe space to be honest and completely vulnerable. I hate how all of these videos on KZbin kind of shame you into just being vulnerable right thing to do. Trust is just as important from your partner asking for the truth, if I don’t trust you to be vulnerable I may not do it

[@GeoffreySetiawan]

Thanks for watching! If you want to commit to stop the cycle of lies by creating safety, then leave a comment with #SafetyFirst

[@jujubeecreations]

This makes so much sense. I've lied so much in my relationship and I think its ruined it. But I just texted my person and let them know I want to rebuild emotional safety, even if they want to move out and break up. Even if it had to be as friends. Thank you for helping me do this. #safetyfirst

[@GeoffreySetiawan]

Juliane -- That's awesome to hear. Your new attitude will get you far. Remember that as you are creating safety, you are going to face some resistance as people do take time to truly believe, deeper down, that your changes are real and permanent, and not something you're doing in the short term to win someone back.

[@adamtajhassam9188]

@@GeoffreySetiawan your whole talk is great and all about truth only if "she " is willing to talk about the truth and not lie its not always "he" like u put it in this vid. Sometimes leaving is the only choice. This happened to me 10 months ago when i exposed her lie but didnt yell. i still got burned.

[@4FunCycle]

@@adamtajhassam9188 You exposed her lie and reacted well. That's the first step. However, emotional safety hang been built in the relationship. That takes time to build. It only takes one to break the negative cycle and turn it into a positive. Over time, this builds safety.

[@harrystones803]

was able to clear my doubts and i find out my wife was a cheat with no repentance. We were separated, my 3yr old son and I were living with my grandparents and he asked me if I liked his mom. I said yea buddy, I love your mom. He looked at me and said ‘why, daddy, mommy yells at you all the time and makes you cry’. That killed me and I knew it was finally over. Thankfully he doesn’t remember all that really happened.

[@christinasteltz5063]

My husband has been like that since he was little. Lying or hiding truth even when I try to make an emotionally safe environment. I promise to not get mad but he still never confesses. The only way I get the truth is to be a detective and figure it out for myself. In 7 years he has never once broke down and offered the truth...he doesn’t give me a chance to react the empathic way.

[@GeoffreySetiawan]

Hi Christina, Creating that trust and safety for your partner to express his emotions takes time once you follow the right processes. We have had many clients who were in a similar situation like you described but have been able to change their partners behavior by changing the way they interact and communicate... We can definitely help you through our Relationships Revival program. If you’d like to learn more about it, you can begin by joining our free masterclass here. relationshipsmastered.com/masterclass At the end of this masterclass, you will also get some information on how you can submit your application for the program. And in case you’re curious as to how life-changing this program is, or how it is MILES beyond what other programs can offer, check out the links below! Client Review Videos: kzbin.info/aero/PLQ8tvyhQlPzsNm-vC_g_8SWGcJRngefgU Client Review Screenshots: drive.google.com/drive/folders/1Gp8UpRV9uMlFx763BfuQnEqN930FQb7b?usp=sharing

[@emyyyxx]

going through the same thing it’s exhausting. i told him idk where he learned to try and lie his way out of everything but i ain’t falling for it like his momma did 😂 i see right through him. it’s like i can never let my guard down bc anytime he does something “off” i think he’s hiding something and that sinking feeling hits again.

[@Joel-uv5tg]

I have the same thing with my gf. This isn't on the partner: it's childhood trauma and the person needs to want to fix their problems. Your love can't fix their deep-seated mental health difficulties. The most it can do is give them an incentive to change. It's codependent to imagine that you can fix them.

[@samromeo9924]

It is very good talk. It takes maturity, open hearted & humbleness for both to discuss this matter. If the lying spouse always ignores to be open, does not realise/admit that he/she is sick mentally/emotionally from very young,even the partner tries hard to accept his/her excuses in lying then there will be no breakthrough into a healthy relationship.

[@GeoffreySetiawan]

Thanks Sam. However, you might have missed the main point of the video. It doesn't take both to discuss the matter, it can start with you. When you learn to build an emotionally safe environment, your partner will not want to lie as there is no longer any reason to...

[@abdurraheembwanika9809]

@@GeoffreySetiawan well said but some liars can't be categorized because they find safety in lying all the time. How many lies is one supposed to take in to expect any change from the other side? Lies become supper, breakfast and lunch on one's tongue. How safe am I in that relationship?

[@nunyabidness6045]

@@abdurraheembwanika9809 THIS! that's what I'm saying! Like we're just supposed to eat lies until what they feel "safe" enough to grow up, stop being a coward and learn you tell the truth to your wife/husband no matter how ugly you think it might get because you RESPECT them and THEIR feelings. Like how am I supposed to feel safe with someone I can't even trust to begin with?

[@MRLeMONa1D]

My girlfriend lied to me for 2 years saying she was going to school when in fact she wasn’t until near the end of the relationship. Here I was thinking she would graduate this week instead she just completed her first semester of college and at a complete different one than the one she said in the beginning of the relationship. Had she told me in the beginning I wouldn’t have cared, my own parents waited/ didn’t finish. The fact she kept something so stupid a secret for so long scares me for my future with her. I broke it off.

[@Venturahighwayride]

I have been struggling so hard with lying for so long since I left a toxic relationship. This makes so much sense. This is such a lesson.

[@GeoffreySetiawan]

Hi Kai L, So glad you found my video to be helpful and eye-opening.

[@SocialConfidenceMastery]

You explained this topic well!

[@maibaptiste6793]

How do we maintain boundaries if they continue to hurt us because there is no consequence.

[@Sh4d0wzzz]

My partner has lied many many times to me and always has a didfrent reason. Im now at the point that i just have to accept for myself that she is a liar. Im not getting mad at the things she does, i waa just mad at her for lieing. Now im just mad at my self for rhinking so long that she woukd become a more honest person. To be honest i know the boot is leaking but im so fed up with live to do the swimming again. Im 37 and im tired of all the failed relations. Alot of then were my own fault but as i grew older i tried harder and became a better person. Or atleast thats what i like to believe. But it doenst matter, love is a short lifed fairytale. Ill go down with this ship. Goodluck for anyone who has the spirit and courage to still try. You are worth ir.

[@crazeegrlproductions]

Just stumbled upon this video. You make so many good points. My relationship has been struggling (not even sure if we are together anymore...but still talking to each other). My partner was lying a lot and it's 100% due to the lack of emotional safety. It's hard for me because I have anxiety so certain things trigger it like lying. He's also just generally a very secretive/private person. So it's hard for me to react well. Though, I have seen things work for us when I react well. Or do things contrary to friend advice (which usually means I'm creating a safe space as opposed to giving ultimatums or getting upset) Though, at this point my poor reactions to two incidents have caused a rift that I'm not sure can be repaired. I want us to be ok and be together. I know we just both want a safe space. I'm not sure how to achieve that. Also love what you say about the long game! In this recent relationship, I've always said I was playing the long game. I think I lost sight of that or didn't really fully know how to play it.

[@maryn9167]

This is the smartest advise I've heard from any relationship coach 👏 well done, you explained in real depth.

[@GeoffreySetiawan]

Appreciate it Mary!

[@ashleyburks2713]

I disagree and agree. Personally, I am all about trust and communication in my relationship. I don’t cause arguments over honesty, even when the truth hurts. I attempt to talk it out calmly. I make it VERY clear, We can work through just about anything, so long as he’s honest. However, I recently found out he’s been lying about everything in our relationship. So if I make him feel safe when he tells me the truth, why is he still lying? I do understand what you are saying though, I have seen situations like that. However, that’s not always the case. My man has been lying about everything and anything. Stuff I wouldn’t be upset about and stuff that does hurt. He knows I would still talk through it with him and avoid conflict. He is not even trying in our relationship, also he’s been lying since we first got together. Literally since we started talking. He assured me he would change and he loves me, and I believed him. 2 1/2 years later, here we are again... I guess that’s “shame on me” then right..

[@GeoffreySetiawan]

Ashley -- Emotional closeness that breeds lies can come from many other sources, not just yourself. Life, work, other people, social conditioning can all make someone fearful to express the truth. The real skill that I always teach my students is understanding how to open someone up despite all the resistance and chronic lying they might be facing with their partner. The other thing I would like to mention is mindset. To dive deeper into this, I have a quick question for you: Do you believe, deep down, that your husband is capable of telling the truth and never lying? Or do you believe that lying is just part of his character. This is not trying to point blame at anyone, but often, the #1 reason why someone is not able to open someone up and create that safety is they already believe, deep down, that it's just part of someone's character to lie. Once they believe this, it will affect their actions in so many ways that either sabotages, or makes their partner lying a self-fulfilling prophecy. I've coached hundreds of couples and seen enough success stories to confidently say that no one are really liars at heart, and with the right skill and approach, you can become that leader who changes the dynamics of your relationship. If you're willing to open your mind and give it all you got to fix your situation, let me know! I'd be happy to help :)

[@ThePrincessdi77]

Geoffrey Setiawan I’ve dated enough men to know that some are liars at heart they love to manipulate they lie to cheat they lie to steal your money they lie because it’s fun and gets them off they lie to make themselves look good. In my opinion if somebody lies to you right up front you can guess what they’re gonna do to you continually in the relationship and it only gets worse no matter what your reaction is they enjoy getting away with fooling you. This happened in my first marriage and now my second marriage. I sure can pick them. One main ingredient with a chronic liar is selfishness

[@Kydren]

That's a sociopath that gets off on controlling you by having the "upper hand" getting to go behind your back. Leave and get someone you deserve. Sorry you're in pain. 🖤

[@EmuLRian]

I like your point of view because I'm the one who lies and this is why I do.

[@ashleykay3023]

My ex lied all the time. I reacted in terrible ways and now my relationship is over. I will take this advice for my future relationships but thankful that one ended.

[@AnnaSvedberg12]

#safetyfirst - great video! Such a great point about lying to hide the truth, and that we're protecting ourselves that way

[@GeoffreySetiawan]

Glad that spoke to you Anna! :)

[@michelacoriandolo39]

Wanna thank you for this topic and how deepful you've been talking about it. I'm now completely sure my partner lied to me and to our friends - A quite big lie about working in another country, far far away from us, across the ocean. When I discovered at first, I react bad. Very bad. But at the same time I felt that... He didn't do in order to manipulate me, nor our friends. I gave him my trust, saying okay, I believe you, and months by months I found him being more open to me, as I recreate a more safe place time by time. But still, he didn't admit the truth, even if I realize how happier he is talking about the life he has here, in the same country we both live (he used to "work" outside three weeks in a month and then come back but now he's "staying" here, saying that's there's no need to be phisically there). I can see how more genuine he is. Less stressed. The more he is at ease, less he talks about the lie he created. But at the same time, I spotted all the details that make me 100% sure he's lying about his work, lying about leaving the country. I'm trying to make out intimate space safet enough to finally let it all go and finally looking at him and says "I always knew." Cause at first, I was angry. But getting to know him, day by day, I saw a very fragile self, a very low-esteem and I understood how probably he needs this story, this lie as a character he could play to, in Order to defend that most vulnerable and lose-fearing part of himself

[@AmericanAntlerHunter]

I’m in a relationship that I’ve been the one lying and I’ve hurt my fiancé and feel horrible about it. This has been insightful! I want nothing more than to be transparent and for my partner to know I’ll change and be a better man.

[@GeoffreySetiawan]

Hi, I am happy this video was helpful... If you’d like to learn more about it and how to make the genuine changes, you can begin by joining our free masterclass here. relationshipsmastered.com/masterclass At the end of this masterclass, you will also get some information on how you can submit your application for the program. And in case you’re curious as to how life-changing this program is, or how it is MILES beyond what other programs can offer, check out the links below! Client Review Videos: kzbin.info/aero/PLQ8tvyhQlPzsNm-vC_g_8SWGcJRngefgU

[@AmericanAntlerHunter]

@@GeoffreySetiawan I actually took your master class last night and signed up to be contacted by you or one of your staff members

[@tomjohnson2107]

Did your partner leave you?

[@paolacruz5892]

@@GeoffreySetiawanWhat if they are lying about communicating with their ex. Like hiding things behind my back and manipulating me into thinking that they are honest

[@shpooplers6324]

safety first you literally nailed it man

[@srfloyd22]

Safety first! The truth is a good thing!

[@karinuppgard7796]

This is some of the best advice I've ever heard. 🤯

[@sanam3665]

Thank u for the video

[@michelletxrealtor]

I loved this video. I need more videos like this in my life to save my relationship 😭

[@GeoffreySetiawan]

Michelle, so glad you found this video useful. I will be sure to add this topic for future content creating. Thank you for your support.

[@andrewtebby2681]

Great video, I'll be watching this one again.

[@meta_mm]

If i saw this video 2 years ago I'd have saved myself from so much turmoil and pain. Just wanna thank you for making this video. I'm currently undertaking CBT because of a past relationship that absolutely shattered my trust in people especially men and this video has given me a different lens to look through instead of the nihilistic and fearful one I've had as a defense mech. Bless.

[@GeoffreySetiawan]

Hi Melissa M, Glad you enjoyed the video and you enjoy my content. Be sure to stay tuned because we have a very exciting calendar ahead for 2022!

[@meta_mm]

@@GeoffreySetiawan that's great, i requested to join the FB group earlier! Looking forward 😊

[@wizwonderful268]

I can relate to this is soo many ways.

[@jessicaquinones4025]

Wao, I needed to hear this!!! Thank you🙏

[@GeoffreySetiawan]

Awesome Jessica! Which part of this resonated most with you?

[@killmongeralex3288]

oh my god, this is exactly what happened with me and my gf... when i lost that safety and i started lying to her even if i didnt rlly want to, but at the same time i was scared of talking about it

[@kalkeikuu]

My husband is the compulsive liar and not me. I found out a lot of deceitful shit about him, from young teenage girls on his iPhone and an accusation from a teenage girl years ago, and I believed him then, but many things happened along the way finding the photos of those young girls/women. Wayyyy too much lies on his behalf. He has no conscience at all lying to me. I don’t know who he is. Don’t think our relationship can be saved anymore because all the things that i found out about him. He had all these years to confess to me. Most of our problems is caused by by him and his lies. It stressed out our kids so much over the years that they have health issues. I never will forgive him this time for all of the drama that he caused our family over the years. I don’t understand why he doesn’t want to file for divorce if he is so unhappy. It’s on him!

[@OGMizSassy]

Thank you so much for this video you have opened my heart and mind🙏🏻

[@GeoffreySetiawan]

Hi OG MizSassy, Love it! Thank you for this comment and support.

[@Yyuuww]

This is amazing thank you so much. This actually stopped me from doing something seriously stupid to my partner whom I found out lied to me… again…

[@kirilnazarov5707]

So smart, tank you

[@KellyLehman]

Ill bet this helps so many couples . Way to go .

[@GeoffreySetiawan]

Thank you Kelly!

[@Progamers0.0]

Your so right great vid very informative

[@GeoffreySetiawan]

Hi Alien Dragon, So glad you are finding my videos useful.

[@Frozen518]

I was holding onto something for about a month from my partner, just withholding information because I didn't want to get into a fight with him. Honestly, my indefinite waiting probably made this small issue so, so much worse, I should've just told him right away. This video really nailed home the "safe space" for me. I'm not a liar at all, I even pride myself in honesty, so does my partner. But It's hard to willingly walk into a tiger cage knowing you're going to get mauled. It's easier to just keep the cage door closed. I'm going to go on a walk with him today and tell him what I haven't and tell him why I didn't feel like it was safe for me to. This video was great to reassure me that these things happen, I'm not an asshole or a liar, these can be semi-taught and learned behaviors. I'm not excusing myself for keeping things from my partner and I will own that. But I think it's worth addressing why I was scared to tell him and that, if we work on that together, we can return to the honesty we started with. Him helping with that safe space, me keeping a wide open dialogue with him, and vice versa

[@jakestrahms7924]

Cool, thank you

[@justinrobinson7954]

I have damaged my marriage by lying about things that never mattered. The last three years have been really really challenging and now my wife wants to be divorced. I don’t want a divorce. I really need some advice at this point

[@ShayVidz]

This is why you just don’t do this that you have to lie about. We are not responsible for someone constantly do things that don’t want anyone to know about

[@ghaolliuqnor2990]

This make sense. Thank you. I hope it will help me and my partner.

[@GeoffreySetiawan]

Hey Gha, So glad you were able to take something away from my videos. I will keep making more. lol.

[@3KeysAstrology]

Thank you for your videos, you speak such wisdom Geoffrey. I really appreciate your conversation about emotional safety though the paradox is that when you live with a compulsive liar; the receiver of the lie is cheated emotional security and safety and so the chaos begins. Shameful activity is the root of the lie and if it is something so alarming that is being hidden; it may not ever be acceptable to the party being deceived.

[@Yamaprilia]

I will try this approach. Thanks

[@GeoffreySetiawan]

Great! Feel free to join my free FaceBook group to have a member of my team help answer any of your questions. facebook.com/groups/1032426806961329

[@alexanderayala77]

Great video...thank you

[@GeoffreySetiawan]

Thanks Alexander. Which part resonated most with you?

[@alexanderayala77]

The entire message was very good and you explain it very well for both sides the one who lied and the one being lied to.

[@GeoffreySetiawan]

@@alexanderayala77 Gotcha. Glad you found it valuable! Don't hesitate to reach out with any of your questions/concerns!

[@leanhquan7518]

I can learn listening English skill with your channel. Thankful

[@rosalynbenitez8589]

it started so young that it is natural to me and it’s really affecting my relationship

[@tuffryda]

it was like that for me too but it’s worth it when you stop reacting like a child and as an adult

[@pamelamcglothlen1297]

My husband has been lying since childhood, he lies about important things as well as little unimportant things, even we I show proof,he still denies it.He admits he is a liar,he says he avoids it so he doesn't get in trouble, I am so tired of lies,I love him,been married for 10 years.

[@GeoffreySetiawan]

Never ever blame character -- always blame environments. Once you blame character, you can never create safety and actually remove the lies.

[@pamelamcglothlen1297]

He says his lying started due to sexual abuse,do you still do as video points out?

[@rjh0415]

Thank you for this video. I was the one caught in a small lie in the relationship and the partner reacted in the first way instead of the second. I would like to reestablish the emotional safety feeling so that I can not be the one that is constantly lying. I want to be able to save my relationship before I ruin it. I have already been given the ultimatum with one lie and I want to make sure this doesn't happen again.

[@GeoffreySetiawan]

Be sure to check out my many videos on this topic on how to begin to reverse the negative cycles and to start to build emotional safety once again. Here is one I will link for you. kzbin.info/www/bejne/rIuriZ6eltBkkJI

[@cynicamane187]

This has really helped me to stop lying to my gf.. I’ve realised how stupid it is thank you a lot..

[@tajescerenso7437]

One thing I’m confused on... if my partner starts being truthful because of me putting safety first, does that mean I have to be accepting to her foolishness? Like what if she comes to me and say “oh I cheated” and I say “I appreciate you telling me”. Then what?

[@lauracortes8459]

Reward them when they finally tell the truth !! (BS right?) there’s no winning when dealing with a liar. Truth is there was no reason for them to start lying for no reason, my husband lies for no reason and I’m not ok with accepting I have to live life rewarding him.

[@surrealisticbigbeard]

safety first. Thank you for this video

[@GeoffreySetiawan]

100% Safety first!

[@fattonycapaldi8743]

Safety first!

[@carmenhall6006]

Great video Geoffrey thank u sooo much. But what to do when you catch your partner in a lie and he denies it ? And instead proceeds to gas-lighting you?

[@GeoffreySetiawan]

Good question! This is about how you go about leading the conversation of how you bring up that lie. Are you giving reasons for your partner to self-preserve and begin to gaslight you?

[@catnipsugartits5344]

My bf lied a lot to me About so many things and he still does but he keeps saying he’s changed but he hasn’t and I’ve already told him “telling the truth or lying I’m going to be mad either way but lying will make me not just mad but will make me not trust you and will break a huge bond we have” what do I do he never learns..

[@Statesimmer2234]

I understand ur pain I have the same problem with my fiance she says she's changed but still lies to me and says oh I'll work on it but dosnt we're on a break right now because of this situation sadly

[@sameroski]

i would always look at it as, i’m not doing anything wrong so i don’t have to tell my partner when talking to another male acquaintance casually. but i never realized i should’ve just been truthful because then it looks bad if they find out and you didn’t tell them

[@GeoffreySetiawan]

Absolutely! being open, honest & truthful is best!

[@Mxtraveler]

I was never given the chance to hear the lie for him to know how I would respond. He found out that what he was doing didn’t matter to me but the lie he held from me is what made me sad/hurt. Once I forgave it and thought it was okay, he continued lying to my face. Five months later and counseling I am mad when something else comes out. I have been with him for 49 years so I don’t know why this has just started. He had an emotional affair with an old girlfriend. He says it’s over and admits it was wrong but now lies about other things. Of course I can’t heal, even though I have told him it’s okay to tell me the truth. I can’t be hurt any more than I have been by the lying. I am now so done with it.

[@GeoffreySetiawan]

Hi Mxtraveler, Come join me in my free master class to see how thousands of my clients have healed after situations just like this. relationshipsmastered.com/masterclass

[@ambassadoroftruth3948]

I have been at home on Disability from a Car Accident and Our Relationship has Suffered tremendously. I’m in the first month of this Training. It’s like something that has been right in front of me the whole time, that seems so simple Now. But the damage has been done. So Now I’m beginning to rebuild. And It Is Tough. But I can see the bigger picture. Don’t give up guys. Keep in mind have long it took to get to the place where your Partner doesn’t feel safe enough to talk to you for fear of retribution. Ask yourself, “how would you perceive these drastic changes of your partner’s behavior?” Would you believe that Anyone has changed that much in such a short time? Thank You for these videos and I will be attending the master class today at 11 am. Est.

[@GeoffreySetiawan]

Ambassador of Truth!, I wish you a swift recovery and love the fact that you will be attending the Master Class!

[@Developinglandk]

I have been trying to understand my partner for so long. He’s not only lying about important things. He make up tall tales about everything. It’s like he is living in an alternate reality and he is stuck in a delusion that he is this person that he is not. I have tried to speak with him about it in a calm safe manner, but he just gets mad at me for not believing everything he says. I feel like I have to walk away because he has this problem that he is not willing to admit to or fix. My love for him has kept me with him for 4 years, but I am feeling I will have to love him from a distance.

[@eyamexo7272]

Safety first !❤️🤞🏽

[@GeoffreySetiawan]

Hey Cemone, Absolutely! Safety First! 🙂

[@DST6lady]

Probably one of the best videos ever on lying.

[@GeoffreySetiawan]

Hi F. Bond, What did you find to be most eye-opening?

[@DST6lady]

The part about not feeling emotionally safe and how your response can make or break them feeling comfortable tellignthe truth.

[@garyfrost9679]

If your partner lies to you and you try like I did to say it’s safe to to be honest, they still won’t open up as brands them as a liar without you stating that , so I’m sure they take on board they messed up and will never put themselves in that uncomfortable position again . And then the cycle repeats as they got away with it and happens over and over again ,until you walk away and realise your involved with an untrustworthy partner , you can’t have an honest conversation and resolve something if one of you does not tell the truth it’s impossible and they will always be right and may even turn it on you for thinking in that way of them

[@sethsanchez7470]

Very well explained everything ive been feeling. But I feel like my lies may end the relationship. As the lies have piled up awhile and they deal with my partners self confidence. How do I explain that I want to stop? And that I want to bring truth and safety without causing a breakup? Is there maybe a special sort of conversation structure I can practice?

[@GeoffreySetiawan]

Hi Seth, We can definitely help you through our Relationships Revival program. If you’d like to learn more about it, you can begin by joining our free masterclass here. relationshipsmastered.com/masterclass At the end of this masterclass, you will also get some information on how you can submit your application for the program. And in case you’re curious as to how life-changing this program is, or how it is MILES beyond what other programs can offer, check out the links below! Client Review Videos: kzbin.info/aero/PLQ8tvyhQlPzsNm-vC_g_8SWGcJRngefgU

[@shpooplers6324]

ty

[@deniserose3432]

I have reacted well to finding out lies, I don’t argue or yell name call or anything. But I am mad and question why to understand reason to fix it. But him knowing I will get mad even how well I reacted he still continues to lie. The lies aren’t even worth lying about. He has an issue with me getting mad but I can’t change my feelings, people get mad, but I reacted well to the issue. He has told me talking about our issues are me being rude and mean. But it’s not we have to be honest about them and talk it out. It’s not always something we want to hear but I’m trying to make things better. But him hiding things and lies not only to me but about me. As he is a victim to his friends and family. Some things are complete lies and or blown up. When I asked him he said he’s venting but it’s lying about what’s happening between us or just about me. He won’t talk to me but talks to everyone else and try’s to act like everything between us is ok. But then I find out lies he told me , I reacted well but that hasn’t changed the lies. What does this mean is there a video I should watch?

[@joanareis4483]

I have the exact same problem! I always try to be understanding, ive told him and showed him that its always better if he tells the truth, created a safe enviroment, etc etc, but he still lies to me! And he also lies about little things, like, things that i wouldnt have a problem with if he was to tell me. I dont understand why he is like this, ive given him so many chances, ive always acept him and the truths when they came out but the problem remains. He also seems to feel like im being agressive when im just trying to talk things out, just like your spouse. Something that worked for me was to reassure him as i was talking. Something like "Im not attacking you, i just feel like...." or "You are not the issue, this situation is..." Yet he keeps lying. I try really hard to trust him and to accept and believe his apologies but i feel like hes playing me. Like, if i keep believing and being nice about it and forgiving him then hes just gonna take advantage of the situation and not change. Does that make sense? Cause i dont know why he would lie to me, when ive done what the video said from day one, u know? If you find out a solution could you let me know please? Im starting to become desperate over here 😔 And good luck to you!

[@lucyluu75]

Jo

[@deniserose3432]

@@joanareis4483 I’m still with him going on two years and a half and I got to understand him more. It’s the fear of him disappointing me or feelings stupid. That he’s not good enough so anything comes up it’s a lie is usually based on that. I have work on being less judgmental. His patterns have been the same but the lies differ depending on what’s happening. Every relationship has problems. But when I have a issue I keep laying down facts of what happened. That I know the truth of it and how it made me feel . I repeat it until his pride goes away and he becomes more sympathetic about me. Instead of just his own feelings, the lies are fewer than before. He honestly doesn’t lie often anymore. It’s was partly me because I made him feel less than. Not on purpose but I definitely wear the pants, I guide and I also direct. I have a way of how things should go and more life experience. That I learn to not micro manage , give him more praise for the good things he does instead of just telling him the things he does wrong. Even if it normal things , I praise him like a child lol . So it has allowed him to be more comfortable , confident so he feel like he doesn’t have to lie. It’s an alpha female and a beta male. But as alpha female we don’t want to push our beta to the point of being on edge, or to be coward, struggling to survive. He is still a man and so I learn I should allow him to guide in the places he knows how even if it isn’t my way because it shows me a new view . Gives him more of a role in the relationship. With that confidence gives him less reasons to lie. That also gives him a away to branch out in the relationship so he can take on more responsibility with in the relationship. Giving him value and a reason to do more because he wants to make me happy with in the relationship. That’s lies don’t make me happy so he doesn’t do that.

[@TwistingWays]

I feel like this can be used to blame one party for not creating a safe environment, therefore the person lying is justified in their lies.

[@ZBrink11]

This is great info if your spouse is willing to admit they are in fact lying. What do you do when the truth is brought to light but your spouse merely doubles down on the lie?

[@jessicalyons2699]

Safety first

[@MandyGirlArt]

I have just discovered my exe to be a compulsive/pathological liar, He's made up his job and all these stories where I'm not sure who he is. I learned he lied about therapy and pills, and once I caught him he opened about everything. He said he was ashamed of who he was and he wanted to start being honest and wants help. I don't know if I should go back, I love him but I don't know if he can fix this. Can I ever trust him? Can he get help?

[@eveangelyne2478]

Good points, I only I wish it pinned the responsibility on the liar more than the other person, so they can reform their destructive behavior. It doesnt matter how safe the space you create, a liar will still lie if they want to. I know from personal experience, and had to walk away, as devastating as it was for me. Create the safe space, give another chance if you have to, but if it becomes a pattern, know that you did everything you could and it's time to take care of YOU. Stay strong ❤

[@GeoffreySetiawan]

Hi Eve, Before I answer this, I want you to watch this video first then feel free to follow up with me with another question on this. kzbin.info/www/bejne/fqOYdIVrpcdmaZI

[@christopherclayton7390]

This video is absolutely fantastic!! I cheated on my ex girlfriend by online role-playing and I felt like total trash I hated what I did and I wanted to tell her but I hid it. I was terrified if I was honest she would just yell and kick me out because she kicked me out everytime we got into a big argument from the frustrations held in. It was such a toxic situation and I'd do anything to be back with her and hope that she would be able to handle it differently I already know what I did was wrong but I began to hate myself for lying on top of more lies :( I was scared to be honest.

[@GeoffreySetiawan]

Haha I see you are watching many of my video and finding them very helpful. Thank you for your comments and support.

[@christopherclayton7390]

@@GeoffreySetiawan yes I'm struggling right now with this exact situation and I haven't realized how much these videos would've helped if I watched them sooner. I'm still hoping to work things out but I destroyed her trust and I did alot of begging to get her back and it caused things to get much worde

[@ScarletVincent]

This will definitely help couples on building and strengthening their relationships!

[@JuicyJerm]

You may have saved my marriage. Thank you.

[@GeoffreySetiawan]

Hey Jeremy, You are welcome! Once you follow the right processes you can save your marriage.

[@pamelamcglothlen1297]

Emotional safety

[@joshiepooh1165]

I lied to my partner several times and she is currently asking me to let her go. I know I fucked up and I didn’t mean to lie I just did. I want to be able to continue the relationship because I honestly feel like she is the one for me. She makes me happy and I feel like we can work this out .

[@joshiepooh1165]

I want to be able to either go to therapy and work this out or something because she also says she loves me but I messed up so many times so she doesn’t Ana to give me another chance

[@joshiepooh1165]

I want to know if I should keep trying and see if she can give me another chance or if I should let her go even though it goes against my own instinct

[@erykekawainui7217]

I've lied to my lady 3 times I'm hurting and depressed right now? What should I to make my relationship work

[@lukespencer5371]

Today is the day I needed to hear this. I have not been myself and have lied to my spouse so much that I believe it may be over, after 15 years. I have done this to myself and have no clue why. I want to put a stop to this but i need to act on it fast.

[@GeoffreySetiawan]

The earlier you do the work to change yourself. The rest will happen naturally.

[@MsNalijustinee]

Does this mean its okay to handle hiding cheating w/o being hurt and showing anger and disappointment when the truth comes out? I’m asking bc this is the 3rd time I’m going thru finding out my partner lying abt cheating...

[@35sarab]

well i tried asking hm nicely but he wasn't bent on telling till i hired the services of + 1 404 796 9258 who did happen to get access to his deleted cheating texts and social media apps..i'll just present the evidence later in court during our divorce process

[@carlosgomez6903]

#SAFETYFIRST PERIOD I am actually watching this to understand my partner, cause I really messed up… but I have hope we are going to move forward together and be stronger ❤️❤️❤️

[@lutherrivas5563]

So if the "safety" is already destroyed.... break up? Not sure what to do anymore

[@kristentt]

I did this recently when he finally wxposed a little lie to me. What happened? I gave an invh, and he took a mile. I think he really just gave himself permission to lie more, bc it didnt seem "that bad". When he expoaed that lie...and i gushed with appreciation and thanked him. Little did i know that he still had several lies in his back pocket. He literally will rationalize on.why the lie wasnt REALLY that bad. :/

[@ambassadoroftruth3948]

Safety First

[@dumfn9907]

Hi, I confess im a liar, and ive said many lies to my partner and she's forgiven me but she will never forget which is understandable, but I've lost her trust and it's hard for her to trust people and I was the first person she's truly trusted and I betrayed that trust. I'm trying to fix myself and to stop lying because she doesn't lie to me because it's one of her values that honesty is the best thing that someone you love can give, and I've promised her multiple times I won't lie and then I mess up again and lie to her again, do you have any more tips aside from this video to stop lying completely to everyone I love especially her? To add onto this, I've been lying since a young age and never thought to change, but I can't lose her and I really am trying to change, so please do you have any tips on how to change?

[@krazylj9078]

Do you have advice for stopping lying? My relationship is hanging on by a string and it's because of my lying. I want so badly to stop but it's hard. I want to be better for my girl and my son, if you have advice on how to stop lying please let me know.

[@natra74]

This does not apply to situations where the lying partner seeded the mistrust by betraying / infidelity in the honeymoon phase. This also doesn’t apply when the lying partner has a history of gaslighting and lying to every partner.

[@kyle3489]

My last relationship with my partner and I always lied I'm trying not to just to work out things with her this video is helping me out so I appreciate it thank you

[@GeoffreySetiawan]

Hi Kyle, Love it! What did you find most eye-opening in this video?

[@kyle3489]

@@GeoffreySetiawan this can help me on lying I lied to her a lot when I was dating her so this kind of opened up my eyes I appreciate it will check out more of your videos

[@RosasResources]

Whats sad is when you know they are lieing but they tell the side chick everything. So sad

[@robhowell27]

here is my view. I extremely value honesty. I also look at us as being human. So no matter how you look at it. There is not a single person alive or dead that is perfect. So I don't look down when others make mistakes. No matter how bad it appears to be. With that said. I've made plenty of mistakes in my life time, sometimes with the best intentions in my mind. I've just got to the point where when it comes time to make whatever decisions I need to make. I make the one that keeps me from having to lie. The say I see it is no matter what you do to me. If you can come to me and be straight forward and honest. Chances are I will forgive. The biggest reason is the fact I know how hard it is to admit you wronged another person. To put yourself out there and say hey I fked up. I did this or this and I feel extremely bad about it. Is one of the hardest things to do IMO. So when others come to me and they are honest I tend to think about how much courage it took to be straight in the first place. Will I be mad. Maybe it depends but I wont be as mad, and I will be more apt to be understanding. I would say if I am its more about catching me off guard. For the most part though I can tell when others are not being straight with me. I may act like I don't know but I would say 84 percent of the time I do know. Im just giving them a chance to step up. Or see if they will keep doing it. What gets me. Is one person that has known me for longer then anybody else. They know that Im forgiving and I try to put myself int their shoes so I dont judge as much. I am human but if I catch myself or somebody brings it to my attention I tend to see it, IF I trust the person telling me. But this person knows that I will forgive them. They also know that for the most part the truth always comes out. The longer it takes the harder, and they know that when Im lied to many times I tend to start distancing myself from people like that. Of course I let it be known that I know the truth and that we are both better off just getting it out and moving on. Yet they still lie and its not good lies. I mean its obvious. As in a elementary school kid wouldn't even fall for it. Its almost boarder line disrespectful, and it feels like they don't even see me as smart enough to get it. My thing is my memory is almost perfect when it comes to certain things. So while they may not remember certain actions, or even what they said I do. This is when it comes to them telling me I ask for to many details and its not unusual for there to be different versions of the truth. I've even heard this exact line. "What do you want from me. I cant tell you what I said 2 years ago, it was a long time ago and I dont remember the story I told you" How many times do you have to say "You cant remember because lies are hard to remember. The truth is there though and I know you remember the truth. Not sure how to explain it to you in any other way when it comes to what I want. I dont want the made up story you told me in the past that you cant remember. Its simple what I want. I want the truth. If Im willing to forgive and be understanding why is it so hard to just spit it out. I would rather just deal with the truth and move on then here 500 different versions of the same story with each being the truth depending on what your trying to convince me of at the time. This makes me and you live in the past and not trust each other. So with that book I just wrote. Are you sure those are the only reasons we lie? Isnt there a chance we also lie when we don't want the other person to know what we are doing because we want to keep doing it? By admitting to the truth then we are putting ourselves in the position of bringing attention to whatever it is we dont want to stop doing? So we lie to cover it up in hopes that the other person may not catch on and we can keep doing whatever it is we are doing? I guess like when a person gets caught doing something wrong. They say sorry but they are not sorry for doing what they did. They are sorry for getting caught because now its out and you cant do it anymore. Not sure if I am saying this in away that expresses what I am trying to convey.

[@robhowell27]

I would also like to add. I've been in a relationship with this person for 22 years now. I made the mistake of lying to her not long after getting together with her. It was 2 years later that I came clean and I was scared to death. But I figured I better be straight and just get it out. From then on I have not done anything to her that I would need to lie about. It sucks because 20 years later and she still uses it against me and judges me for doing what I did. Even though in contrast to the things I've been finding out lately or what they call trickle feed to me over the last three years. What i did doesn't even hold a candle to the shit she has done. Its not that I've only heard every different possible out come to every different versions of the truth. She's even admitted to things she didn't actually do. If she lied to me in the first place because she was worried about being in a safe place and what my reaction might be. Then I cant wrap my head around why she would tell me a lie that is actually worse then the truth is? Who does that? She didn't want to admit she cheated on me and with who. Yet in the middle of supposedly being honest she tells me she cheated more then she did, just to take it back later. Then she tells me she lies to me because I cant except the truth so I give her no choice. If I would have believed her in the first place then she would have never lied. Yet when I remind her that the truth that I wouldnt accept which caused me to get lied to more. Later became a lie to begin with. So pretty much what she is saying is I wouldn't believer her when she first lied. So it caused her to have to lie to me more. When I remind her that what she originally told me was a lie so how can she try saying that. "keep in mind that the lies I wouldn't believe in the first place, causing her to lie to me. Turned out to be worse then what she was saying is now the truth. So when I ask her why lie about that when the truth wasnt even close to being as bad. She tells me......" " well why do I say anything I say or do anything I do"? It gets crazier. 3 or 4 days later somehow we will end up fighting about the same thing and she will again use the" only reason I lie to you now is because you wouldn't believe me when I was telling you the truth theb," What the hell........Am I missing something? Didn't we just come to the conclusion just 3 or 4 days prior that you admitting that you were lying to me in the first place? so therefor what your saying is already been proven bs. How you gonna 3 days later try using the same lines again? if not for the 22 years together, and the 3 kids we have together. I would be running like hell. But damn. Its not easy running like hell when your a guy and your in a no win situation. I cant imagine going every other week not seeing my kids. Or having different guys every other month trying to be there dad. Oh well. I'll figure it out sooner or later. They say. everything always works out in the end,

[@anopie2451]

My partner didn’t feel emotional safety before I met him. I’m a very open communicater and always share my feelings. After 9months in our relationship I found out he lied to me from the first time I met him. I was open about very difficult things and he just couldn’t, but also judged me for the things I did. And at the end I found out he did the same. I find it very hard to understand why he didn’t feel safe with me and jugded me.. it really broke me when I found out..

[@GeoffreySetiawan]

Hi Ano Pie, Since you were not able to handle the news your partner shared with you and this broke you as you mentioned. This shows how and why the safety has been destroyed in the relationship. You must become emotionally bullet proof in order to create safety. Check out this video below to learn more. kzbin.info/www/bejne/qqGZmGysnLScm8U

[@emyyyxx]

@@GeoffreySetiawani have to say i don’t think advocating for being “bullet proof emotionally” is healthy at all… i have to suppress/ignore my feelings to protect his?

[@GeoffreySetiawan]

@@emyyyxx If you think being bulletproof is about suppressing emotions, then you have the wrong idea of what being bulletproof means. If you'd like, feel free to watch my latest video on this: kzbin.info/www/bejne/h3rTeoRmfJmpp7c

[@calligoblue8436]

Thank for this!! It helps so much!!! #safteyfirst

[@sporahmwaikambo1345]

Hellow thank you so much but I still would like a private conversation like maybe i say a private ciuncelling concerning lying in relationship but I don’t know how we are going to make it

[@GeoffreySetiawan]

Hi Sporah, We do offer 1:1 coaching through our program. If you’d like to learn more, you can join our free masterclass here. relationshipsmastered.com/masterclass At the end of this masterclass, you will also get some information on how you can submit your application for the program. And in case you’re curious as to how life-changing this program is, or how it is MILES beyond what other programs can offer, check out the links below! Client Review Videos: kzbin.info/aero/PLQ8tvyhQlPzsNm-vC_g_8SWGcJRngefgU Client Review Screenshots: drive.google.com/drive/folders/1Gp8UpRV9uMlFx763BfuQnEqN930FQb7b?usp=sharing

[@jassh7071]

safety first

[@therealest9861]

Man I'm not worried about no emotional safety because if they was worried about my emotional safety they wouldn't did what they did I'm not rewarding them if they was grown enough to do it they should be grown enough to tell me I'm not playing no games to get no truth with no person why would I play games to get the truth 9 out of 10 they not going to tell me the truth then I'mma sit here stress myself out like why they not telling me the truth man please

[@pantrywarriors9577]

I’ve been in a relationship for three years with someone who constantly lies to me about other women. I don’t know what to do, my initial response was anger because of cheating etc. but I tried to be more calm and create a talking environment but that didn’t work either. It’s been years of non stop lying and changing stories. I don’t know what to do anymore. All I want is to know the truth. Please let me know if you have any tips on how to get through to him.

[@GeoffreySetiawan]

Hi Pantry Warriors, Keep watching my content to keep learning how to take this from "I tried to be more calm and create a talking environment" to learning how to truly create a safe environment for your partner to be able to express themselves and share the deeper things that are plaguing the relationship.

[@jeff-wo6mm]

First, there are never good reasons to lie in a relationship. There are reasons, but none are good. Regardless of the backlash, each person has the responsibility to tell each other the TRUTH. I lot of what you said is definitely good advice to me, but for reasons, I don't think that you had intended. To start with it is always ideal to keep your cool and maintain a poker face. Make your partner comfortable enough to tell you the truth and if any of the truth is worthy of ending the relationship, just do so in the same cold and calm manner in which you received the truth. There really is no reason to throw a tantrum.