How to Stop Criticizing Yourself

[@Discovery_and_Change]

Thank you. I discovered you through an article on Psychology Today: "Empower Yourself With No More Shoulds"

[@LeslieBeckerPhelpsPhD]

Thank you for taking the time to respond to the video and article.

[@Discovery_and_Change]

0:22 Think about someone you like, respect, look up to 0:34 Think about their positive qualities 0:46 Then, think about not so positive things about them 1:16 Think about their positive qualities while being aware of their shortcomings 1:43 Think about positive qualities YOU have 2:12 Think about your shortcomings 2:27 Think about your positive qualities while being aware of your shortcomings 2:55 Compassionate self-awareness 3:03 Hold on to your positivity while being aware of your struggles

[@_munkykok_]

So you're saying, all I am is my shortcomings??? 😡 (#Joke) 👍👍

[@matthewanderson5110]

I also followed a link from your article in psychology today. Excellent article and video. I like the practical approach you have taken to the complicated subject of self vs other judgment. I, and probably others?, would be interested to hear a more in depth video that covers your understanding of the underlying issues and principles that cause us to judge ourselves so harshly compared to other people in our lives. Thank you for putting out thoughtful and useful content.

[@LeslieBeckerPhelpsPhD]

I'm glad the article and video connected with you. Your question about the underlying dynamics that would cause issues of self-criticism is a great one. I see much of these struggles as based in childhood experiences and they can be understood through attachment theory. I talk about this a lot on my videos. For example, you can watch some of the videos in my Insecure in Love playlist, especially those that mention "insecure" or "attachment" in the titles. I also write extensively about this in my articles and my books -- I am really excited to share that my most recent book, The Insecure in Love Workbook is out April 1, though you can pre-order it now at: bit.ly/4clNhB4 Also, just this past week, I posted one video in which I share a poem I've written about an experience that I think many insecure people have. The poem is the first of many videos to come in the Insecure in Love Workbook playlist. (I also use this poem to introduceThe Insecure in Love Workbook.) Here is the link where you can listen to the poem, an attempt to describe the experience of insecurity: kzbin.info/www/bejne/r2ispmmEhLOfaLM Again, thank you for your response to this video.

[@MCV630]

❤

[@LeslieBeckerPhelpsPhD]

Thank you :)

[@costelinha1867]

"Next, think about your positive qualities" Me: What qualities? I have no qualities, if I had I wouldn't be depressed!

[@LeslieBeckerPhelpsPhD]

When I say qualities, I mean traits. You might be intellectually curious, engaging with children, or like helping others. Can you identify any that you perceive as potentially positive? Are there others in your life who might view any of your traits as positive? Can you allow yourself to accept their perceptions? If you are so depressed and negative about yourself that you cannot identify or accept any of your traits as potentially positive, then that says something about the depth and quality of your depression. Then you might want to consider therapy to help you make some progress out of your painfully negative state.