When I say qualities, I mean traits. You might be intellectually curious, engaging with children, or like helping others. Can you identify any that you perceive as potentially positive? Are there others in your life who might view any of your traits as positive? Can you allow yourself to accept their perceptions? If you are so depressed and negative about yourself that you cannot identify or accept any of your traits as potentially positive, then that says something about the depth and quality of your depression. Then you might want to consider therapy to help you make some progress out of your painfully negative state.

I'm not sure about "only" but you have a point that those who are bored are not being imaginative and innovative in the moment. But it might also be true that those people are unable to be imaginative or innovative because of the heaviness of depression or other emotional struggles that weigh them down. In those cases, the first order of business is not to become imaginative but rather to identify what weighs them down and constrains them. Then with some empathy and compassion, they can hopefully engage in the process of working through or overcoming their obstacles to a happier, more engaged life.

The choice to give her a chance is a brave one, but one that can - as you point out - give a chance for you as a couple to have a better future. Something to keep in mind is that couples who navigate this well tend to be ones that face the struggles so that they can reconnect in a genuine way, not just sweeping the issues under the proverbial rug. I hope you find a path toward genuine reconciliation.

I can clearly hear that you are struggling. But you also say that you plan to try getting out more as the weather cools a bit-- which is good to hear. It may also help to find some group or activity to be a part of -- such as a religious group, charity, or cause that touches your heart. If you continue to struggle, you might also consider seeing a therapist to help support you so that you don't feel so alone and to also help you find a way to connect. There are also warm lines you can call if you need someone to talk with (hotlines are for when people are in crisis, but warm lines are for those who need support even without being in crisis). You can look them up on the internet, but NAMI is a good one: www.nami.org/NAMI/media/NAMI-Media/Helpline/NAMI-National-HelpLine-WarmLine-Directory.pdf Also, as I hope you noticed from previous comments, you are not alone with this struggle.

Thank you for your response and I do work with the therapist weekly I have been seeing him for at least 5 years and he is a great help for me and I do believe soon I'll be finding my way very soon

@@user-wt4vy6vz5t That is wonderful to hear. Thank you for sharing that -- maybe it will give others hope, too. Keep up the good work!

@@LeslieBeckerPhelpsPhD thank you I appreciate it

@@user-wt4vy6vz5t You're welcome :)

You're welcome. The truth is that it is very difficult for many people to do for themselves while they are much quicker to offer compassion to others. Fortunately, it is a skill you can develop! (This is why I've developed a compassionate self-awareness playlist -- you might want to check it out.)

While I can't know what's behind your struggles in particular, I can tell you that the answer to the problem is within you. Being bored is not in itself a problem. It can be understood as a sign that you need to assess what is going on for you and perhaps engage differently in the world, or look for a new path. The problem is when boredom becomes chronic. When you get bored, pause to observe what else you might be feeling then- or just before you felt bored. For example, some people notice that they feel anxious or uncomfortable with the unknown, which is sometimes necessary as we explore interests. This prevents them from exploring, leaving them in a kind of limbo, or bored. Sometimes people resist slowing down enough to immerse themselves in new experiences, so they remain unconnected with any particular interest and bored. Even when people connect with these things, there is still the question of what is going on for them that they are uncomfortable or anxious. Again, the answer to this can be found by exploring inside yourself. I have written articles, books, and published videos (see STEAM playlist) that address how to develop self-awareness in 5 domains (STEAM: Sensations, Thoughts, Emotions, Actions, Mentalizing). You might also check out the article linked in the video description to learn more.

Good question. I encourage you to begin by learning more about it, to explore it. In doing so, you will become more comfortable in even just thinking about it, and then you can hopefully work on how you want to conquer it. You might find it helpful to read my Authentically You blog article on this topic that I offer a link for in this video's description. (FYI, many of my videos have an accompanying article link offered in the video description.)

That must be awful! The approach I'm suggesting takes effort, but does work for many people. If it does not work for you -- or you think it's not good for you to do (it's not for everyone) -- then you might want to reach out to a therapist to help you through the fear. I don't like to think of anyone having to live with fear as a constant companion, especially when it has a loud voice.

I hope this video helps.

I can understand why you'd say that. And in many cases, it is not a wise choice to stay together. But some couples are able to use this marital crisis to strengthen their relationship, even though the betrayal is not forgotten.

You are far from alone in feeling physical pain when experiencing emotional pain. You are also far from alone in feeling on the outside, something that many people (including those without autism) feel deeply. Knowing this won't make the pain go away, but it van sometimes lighten the load. I hope that you find a path that enables you to heal your pain. There are an overwhelming number of resources out there, both self-help and professional therapists. However, it can take persistence to find the ones that work for you. If you connect with this video, you may want to watch more of my videos and even subscribe to them. In the description of many of the videos, I have links to related articles that might help you, too. So, be sure to look a them. In addition, some of the comments by viewers may help you to feel less alone -- just as your comment may help some others to feel less alone. In my experience, connection is a source of great healing -- connecting within yourself with compassionate self-awareness, compassionate connection with others, and even connecting with your surroundings (spending time in nature can be especially healing). I wish you well - and healing connection- on your personal journey.

Hi Viviane, your comment really resonated with me. Keep going. You are enough! You're uniquely and beautifully you. You've probably got more strength, and resilience in your big toe than most people. I can understand the pain and sadness you must feel (often), but it's time to champion all the strength that is you. Wishing you well.

I agree that it will never come back together again the same. However, with a lot of hard work and some good fortune, some do bring their relationship back together again, and some make it even stronger than it was initially. I know it can be hard to imagine, but this does happen.

Interesting insight, which I hope you find enlightening and helpful.

Glad you like it :)

People often find that they can let go and move on from hurtful comments or criticisms when they relate to themselves with empathy and compassion. You can learn more about this in my video, Healing- Not Fixing- Through Compassionate Self-Awareness: kzbin.info/www/bejne/fZvRnWtjh7OciKc If you find that video helpful, you might also want to read more about compassionate self-awareness on my website: www.drbecker-phelps.com/compassionate-self-awareness I hope you connect with these resources and you can use them to help yourself.

Good that you can see it now. It can be the beginning of doing something different...

Wow! Quite the story. I'm glad that your work has led to a better emotional place for you. Thank you for sharing.

I'm glad my videos help you to reflect on your experiences. Just what they are intended to do! I post them monthly, so you might want to subscribe to see the new ones as they are posted. Also, many - maybe most- of my videos are connected with an article that you can find the link to in the description of the video. Feel free to check them out!

@@LeslieBeckerPhelpsPhD Thank you, yes I have subscribed🙂

@@user-xg8ut5kh9j I'm glad. I hope my videos continue to be a source of help for you, and I'm happy to hear any other feedback that you have about them. If you would also like to read my articles and get other news about what I'm doing, you can sign up for my newsletter here: www.drbecker-phelps.com/subscribe

True. Someone might just be restless and lack interest in things. But that experience is generally short lived and often motivates people to find an interest, to get out of the uncomfortable feeling of being bored. But if that person is chronically there, then what is keeping the person stuck in that state? What prevents them from looking around to find something to grab onto as an interest? If they want out of the bored state, these can be helpful questions.

@@LeslieBeckerPhelpsPhD Thank you for your answer, ma'am.

@@veneratlazulum2033 You're welcome.

My explanation is meant as a way to offer some understanding that can offer hope, but also some guidance and the encouragement to pursue potential ways of improving the situation.

While this does not work in all circumstances (what does?), your suggestion is a great one! Giving to others is a great way to fill your own heart with good feelings :)

It is terrible that you feel so awful and so stuck! If you see no hope for your current situation and how you are approaching it, you might consider therapy. It helps many people to change their relationship with themselves and with others, and maybe it can help you. Even if you are far from convinced that it will help, maybe it is worth a try? Whether you want to give it a try or not, I do hope you find your way to feeling better about you and to enjoying relationships with others who can truly appreciate you, too.

If that is truly how you feel, I hope you reach out to get help so you don't need to feel alone -- maybe get therapy, talk with someone in your religious community if you are part of one, or someone else in your life who might be supportive. Also, if you live in the U.S. and want to talk, you might reach out to a "warm line", which is a phone number you can call to talk with someone who is trained to be a support. You can use a search engine to find one near you. I don't know, but other countries might have similar kinds of help.

@@LeslieBeckerPhelpsPhD Thank you for the kind words miss. I hope you succeed in your good work. My issues are kind of incurable cuz the source is part of my life now and is permanent. But i really hope a good life for other folks and wish you all the best!

@@dr.shahidkarim8420 Despair is an awful thing. I hope that you find hope and goodness in your life. (Actually, the goodness is already there in you, as you are wishing well for others even when you have given up on you finding it for yourself.) You may find hope and "the good" unexpectedly for yourself either by happenstance, or by learning to look at life differently. Often the happenstance or good fortune comes when we learn to look at things from a different perspective or after we open ourselves to help from others. I don't know your situation and don't want to be presumptuous about it, but people often find hope and goodness in life when they thought there was none to be had. I wish this for you.

Yes, it is!! Thanks for sharing the excitement with me :)

Thank you!

I am gratified to learn that my videos resonate with you. I hope they help you on your continued journey.

It sounds like you are feeling truly awful. But I hope you rethink taking the mushrooms. Being in a bad headspace when you do that means there's a good chance you'll have a bad trip. It's important to know that you are not alone. I'm sure that there are many others who watch my videos who can relate to you. I'm glad to hear that you have a dog, which is helping by at least getting you out each day. Maybe you even feel some enjoyment by petting, walking, playing with, or just connecting with your dog. 🤞Most people have the best chance of getting past depressive symptoms like you are talking about by forcing themselves to do things like get moving (even just a little at a time), playing with their pet, taking care of their basic needs, find ways to interact with others, get help from therapy, and sometimes take medicine. I''m not sure what will work for you, but I do hope you reach for something healthy to help you feel more energized and better, even if just a little bit at a time.

I'm saddened by what you carry from childhood, but I hope that you have made progress on your personal journey; and that you continue to do so. I appreciate your call out for people to get my books (thank you), and I hope it means that they have helped you!

@@LeslieBeckerPhelpsPhD While I was definitely aware of something being "wrong," I had no idea of the source of it/connection to it until recently. "Insecure in Love" was a huge help on my journey! I'm going to get the workbook as soon as I can.

@@tattooyu That's great. I hope the workbook helps you take some more steps forward. Remember that taking the workbook slowly and really doing the work is more important and more helpful than going through it quickly. Wishing you the best, and I'd love to hear how it goes.

I feel sad for your pain. Given that you have watched this video, I can tell that you are looking for help, which is really good. I hope that this and my other videos help. You might find other helpful information on my website, drbecker-phelps.com. Also, given your struggles, you might want to find a therapist to help you, if you are not already in therapy.

You're welcome :)

It sounds like you have suffered a lot, and I wish for you that you find a way out of your aloneness. You say that your case "is virtually a lost cause." In my mind, the word "virtually" offers hope and the possibility of finding a path out -- even though it sounds like your path is a difficult one.

I don't know your story, but I believe you. When someone tells me that they're hurting, I always believe it. Never give up. That's the one true choice you really have. Once it's over, it's really over.

Finally someone sees us for who we really are. 💜

You are very kind! I'm really glad that you found that video helpful :)

That is a beautiful thought ❤ While it’s not the same, I hope that people’s comments here are comforting, that they give a sense that you are not alone.

@@LeslieBeckerPhelpsPhD very much so, thank you 🩷

@@user-my9pz7iw2k You're welcome!

@USER. that is such a beautiful sentiment.. sadly though.. even in real life, after the novelty wears off.. the loneliness returns.. ☕

I am saddened to hear about your pain and for the hell you are going through. Nothing can, or should, take it away. Because loss hurts. I just hope you have people in your life who you can open up to and who can support you through this time. As for "regular depression" and people feeling sorry for themselves and viewing themselves negatively, that is another kind of pain. One that many share. People generally want to be happy, but sometimes get caught in their pain. They don't know how to stand up tall and think positively about themselves. There are some things, like this, that cannot be demanded, but need to be nurtured. Learning to do this is essential. If you or anyone needs to learn this skill, I encourage you and them to seek out help -- through listening to those who love and support you, self-help materials, or therapy. I personally try to help people with this through many free resources, such as this KZbin channel and my many articles. My books - which can be purchased or taken out of the library for free - focus on helping people with these kinds of struggles. If you think my work might help you, check it out on my website: drbecker-phelps.com. (FYI, my website is getting a major overhaul that I am hoping will happen this week.) I wish you well in your healing through your grief.

@@LeslieBeckerPhelpsPhD Thank you so much. Indeed, I have family members to confide in. I'm considering proposing the idea of creating a family support group, as we all knew her and are more or less experiencing the same emotions. I also appreciate you taking the time to respond to me and providing therapy/counseling information.

@@StaticBlaster I think that starting a family support group sounds like a fantastic idea. If you choose to do it, I hope it goes well and provides the support it sounds like you all need.

@@LeslieBeckerPhelpsPhD Thank you. I truly appreciate all of your kind, supportive, encouraging words. 🙂

@@StaticBlaster You are most welcome. Hang in there :)

I’m glad you found it helpful.