How To Stop Feeling Attached To Someone

[@ghousiakhan8219]

It hurts to let go but it’s hurts more to hold on.

[@KristenKeech]

This!!!!!👏

[@godzillamanstreb524]

True

[@ParticleLarry]

Damned if you do , damned if you don't

[@Cadesbaee]

gosh this couldn’t have been described better

[@godzillamanstreb524]

Agree

[@jeremyking3986]

My biggest problem is seeing them for who they are, and not who they say they are or what I want them to be. It’s not hard to realize when someone is not for you, it’s just hard to accept.

[@silviaramirez-alzamora460]

I feel exactly the same

[@chrisfarrell5426]

Ditto

[@DCTrades01]

Its so hard.. i know she aint for me and she treats me like shit but i just don't want to accept it.. i have done everything to detach..😢

[@jeremyking3986]

@@DCTrades01 it took me 2 years to detach

[@cherilynquinones1402]

@@DCTrades01 i feel the same way🥲 and im like crazy chasing him and he always push me away

[@aikishugyo]

"Letting your life auto-correct around the truth" - pure gold!

[@wolfie1027]

Lmao

[@JazzyJ96771]

My problem is when someone shows me even a glimpse of attraction or interest, because I don't get it often (despite being called attractive and beautiful a lot) I jump at them and accept whatever romantic offer they give me, even if they're a huge walking red flag. I'm a very logic person, but that part of my brain switches off when I become romantically attracted to someone.

[@philippeboudreau2727]

Same here. I try to rationalise and tell me that we surely can find a way to work it out. After all, who am I to reject a chance to connect and to be loved when I pray for it and I am being presented with someone whose green flags surpass the red ones? Or am I just minimizing the red flags 🤔 anyway 😐

[@inesp8]

Dear Jazzy I truly understand what you are saying :/. Been there in a past and thats why I was suffering in that relationships,but with work on my msellf that change too. 😊

[@DesiRhythm6]

Same!!

[@issasecretsecret7814]

Ugh this is so me. I have BPD as well so it makes it even worse. Got pregnant by a guy five months into a relationship because I was extremelyyy attached. Not three years later, trying to let go as I know this person doesn’t want me at all

[@missmelissa3573]

Me too. I’m going through a horrendous time right now realizing how easily he moved on without me. Didn’t care that I pulled away.

[@ghousiakhan8219]

Sometimes rejection is protection

[@melissabrzescinski494]

Yes! They did us a favor.

[@godzillamanstreb524]

I believe that

[@Nikkithedoll]

Rejection is DIRECTION. my realtor taught me this 30 years ago. A bank denied my application being only 26 years old. I was devastated that’s when he said rejection is always direction meaning there’s something so much better that will make your life easier happier and we found a bank. Literally the interest rate was half of the first bank that denied my application. had I gotten that loan I would have never been able to open my second and third locations because of interest rates and the risk of a new business not being able to afford that higher rate look at relationships like a business I promise you it’s so much easier to let go. There’s someone or something far far better waiting for you. Let them go.

[@robbieromu9245]

I never understood that I was attached to HOW HE MADE ME FEEL, not actually attached to him - life changing! ❤❤

[@whiggygirl]

How do we get over that please? I'm struggling 😭😭

[@friedkake1876]

I feel this . I was holding onto how good she made me feel early on in the relationship. But coming to reality … she was the most emotionally unavailable person I have ever dated. It felt like I had to convince her to love me

[@friedkake1876]

@@whiggygirl have you ever heard the saying separate the person or yourself from the action. I feel like you can apply that here

[@whiggygirl]

@@friedkake1876 please could you help me to understand what that means?

[@steadypace1262]

​@@friedkake1876 Well said. It was probably limerance or infatuation like being in love with love. Narcissist's especially covert types know how to draw these feelings out of us.

[@tinywalnut6337]

When i broke up with my ex, i knew i was going to tell myself a bunch of stories about the relationship in order to hang onto my attachment. I immediately started to make a list of delusion vs. reality statements. For example, "misconception: I'm nothing without him. reality: you're everything you want to be, and the things you haven't achieved yet are in front of you. you get to take all the good things with you out of this relationship: your playfulness and sense of joy and wonder; your determination and work ethic; your strength and beauty; your talent and creativity; your ability to communicate effectively; your commitment to health and fitness; your ability to establish and enforce boundaries." Not all of the statements were positive, but i like this one because it reinforced my sense of self-worth.

[@HeyyMissCarter]

Thanks for sharing that. That’s something that I need to do.

[@fringbabyross4718]

I’m a male with anxious attachment. I was dating a woman with disorganized attachment. The beginning of the relationship was beautiful but then she started to pull away and go cold and distant. Then when I’d try to move on she’d come back around. It’s been a year since I’ve seen her. I blocked every form of connection possible and moved away. I’ve never wanted someone so bad in my life. I see her in my head every day. Trying to let her go has been the most painful thing I’ve ever felt or had to do in my life. I break out in waves of pain and tears every single day. This video is so spot on. I have a great attachment trauma therapist and doing EMDR. But man what that come here go away stuff did to my brain. She was the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen or had in my life. Moving through the pain and trying to detach from her feels engulfing.

[@elizabethanne5121]

This is the same thing with me except I'm the female. I've had to block him on everything and it's so hard. 😢

[@cosmicbrambleclawv2]

Just described my situation :/

[@markdobkin4430]

I get it. It is the worst thing and most difficult thing that I have ever had to face. I jumped into Somatic Experiencing Therapy and it has hjelped a lot. I'm inving you to start to do this deep form of therapy from somneone you feel good with.

[@ciscohour5884]

Damn you read my diary. My ex is entangled in my friend group but we have been no contact for 18 months. I think of her and her son everyday. This past weekend we were among the group as they all came to my show. I was very cordial and respectful but it was killing me knowing we aren’t a couple and can’t work it out.

[@user-rr5hd3nj5c]

Who says u can't work it out?

[@bzrbuzzy]

1 know when you're in a story 2 stop trying to control the outcome. Let things evolve based on the truth of the connection. 3 feel the pain of disconnection in a loss. No 'savioring yourself'. Be present and notice the feelings. "I am in pain, and the reason i am in pain is because the relationship is not working." 4 allow your life to have a void for a while. Do not attempt to recreate the past in the present. Let the void be and alert you of the absence. Integrate and embody their impact, what you learned and gained from them. Gratitude. Reintegration of the loss. 5 integrate the love, care, connection that you enjoyed into who you are. Become a mosaic of what was and what is.

[@charlottehancock4770]

This is THE MOST clear cut advice I have found on how to truly move on from someone. I have searched video after video, and article after article, trying to find the answers on how to do this, and nothing has given me the internal steps I needed to implement to make moving on a reality. I have felt stuck and have been struggling for months. I literally NEEDED this... I am so grateful I could cry. THANK YOU ❤

[@traviscorder9100]

Heidi is awesome.

[@rickyrubio7934]

I think I lost one of the greatest loves of my life , but I loved her so much I had to let go.

[@Bespokenblog]

Me too!!!! This is exactly how I feel right now. I have just watched this twice, and taken notes from the transcript.

[@mayz.4447]

Are you better now?

[@ogzbyrktr1]

"Pain is the thing aligning us to reality" 👍

[@GabrielleP310]

A lot of times we attract the opposite of our core attachment style‼️ The anxious attacher and avoidant attacher relationship dynamic is toxic and can last for decades! One wants emotional closeness but the the other one fears that!

[@colin.737]

"Trying to speed yourself through the loss tends you rob you of the most human moments of your life" Thank you so much for this video. It's exactly what I needed to hear.

[@joeb218]

Heidi you have no idea just how invaluable you've been to my healing process. I appreciate you so much

[@RocioMartinez-qe1he]

I agree, where are you located? Are you seeing new patients? Much love, and thanks for your content.

[@brienohazo6393]

Encellant…. You have given the roadmap…… we must identify where we are and take the painful journey or not….. our choice!

[@knockknockbusted]

uh oh, more attachers!!!

[@jmfs3497]

There is so much negative, ruminating, egotistical content out here that is easy to fall into. This is the healthy, mindful, direct content that is really helping me navigate the life I actually want to be living. Subscribed.

[@ewa.kaminska]

Your videos feel like someone compassionate holds my hand and walks me patiently through the darkest and scariest times. Thank you so much for how well articulated you lay out the harsh truth and how you prepare us for the hard work ❤

[@ericmoresea6461]

Preach!!

[@kalieshanahan3751]

Thats exactly how i feel as well

[@worthaboverubys]

This! So true and well said

[@fawnlandmobile9106]

💯💯💯

[@anoushiravannarvani5857]

Seven years.....seven years... I feel the deep trauma. And am so so embarrassed to admit.. that I'm still so not ok.😢😮

[@melnasanchez4922]

I am in the midst of separation with my husband now and this really helps me a lot when it comes to dealing with the pain of losing someone I hold so dear in my life for the past 10 years. Thank you so much.

[@debutchi]

adding timestamps: 5:04 Step 1 - Separate the attachment from reality vs fantasy 8:20 Step 2 - Start telling the truth within the relationship 13:01 Step 3 - Fully feel the pain of the loss of connection 19:45 Step 4 - Allow your life to have a void from the loss 28:50 Step 5 - Integrate the love and connection you experienced

[@jillwklausen]

Thank you for this. Have a great day!

[@r.l.howard8459]

thank you!!!

[@stevensantora2976]

Thank you so much.

[@fluxuleducatiei]

Was thinking about integrating my ex into my personality, if its normal or I'm trully losing it. Ty for clearing that up!

[@romankozak8728]

This doesn't really fit my situation. I'm happiest when I'm with him.

[@MsLiaStyle]

I'm grieving the loss of an unhealthy relationship with someone I suspect has narcissistic personality disorder. It has been a challenging time for me. This video is helpful.

[@lindac6830]

I totally understand as I’ve been there, too. It’s weird - following a relationship like that, the only ones in therapy are the victims, who are actually the healthy ones!

[@FrancNoblezada]

I am going through this as we speak. I just ended a 2 plus year relationship with someone who was not only narcissistic but was diagnosed with borderline personality disorder. This video has helped a lot and it’s pretty much on repeat.

[@MsLiaStyle]

@@FrancNoblezada Hang in there. Wishing you well. ❤️

[@5thhousesoul]

Me too. Wow what a ride!😢 But,it actually led me to myself and although I am sad it went the way it went I have a lot more peace and all that energy I put into the person I am putting it into myself and really working on the shadows it brought out in me. I got called names and accused of all kinds of things while allowing myself to be controlled. I finally had enough and pulled that mfer off the pedastal and cut them off. I still pray for them and love the core of them but I love me,too and no person has a right to play puppet master with another. It realky showed me some very long standing subconscious stories I have held. Silver linings.

[@tips4768]

Same !!!

[@SparkSovereign]

I read once "I am a tapestry of everyone I have ever loved, even for only a moment". I don't know why it hadn't occurred to me that accepting this is part of the process of moving on...thank you. These videos have helped me so much.

[@CORI177]

That's really beautiful and apt. Thank you

[@maritxuhh]

This video made me understand why my partner keeps feeling and acting like our relationship is over while simultaneously talking about moving in together. I've always known their fantasy world is very present, but this video explains how they're in denial about the true state of our relationship and how their dreams about a perfect future and a wedding and kids are projected onto me subconsciously and not realistically. I've known this to some degree for a while but this just makes me fully understand. I know this wasn't the purpose of the video but thank you anyway.

[@wendyparise2925]

I’m grieving the loss of my husband who died at home unexpectedly. Our relationship had its ups and downs but we loved each other deeply. He brought me so much joy, laughter and adventures I had never expected. He also brought me heartache and insecurity. I know your video is more aimed at younger people who will probably find love again. I know some day I will be open to adventures that I wouldn’t have imagined if not for him. I just wanted to say, this video hit a positive cord for me and I can apply it to the accumulation of losses we have when we are much older, thank you, I love your videos and always look forward to the next one.

[@Mags765]

🙏🏼

[@AnaAlmeida001]

I’m 50 and ending a 30 years old relationship and this video helped me a lot too. It doesn’t matter how old you are. This is useful to anyone who has lost someone or something really meaningful to them.

[@lolakodak7507]

oh Wendy. I could have written what you wrote. My story is a twin to yours. My appreciation for Heidi and the wisdom she imparts equals your too! Best, LK PS: I'm six months into my widowhood.

[@penniroyal4398]

So sorry for your loss and sorrow. I feel your husband wanted to transition to the spirit life with the person he love the most by his side 💔

[@markflitz1772]

I’m in my mid 50’s and this channel is a life saver. I am a recovering person with childhood trauma that led to drugs and alcohol. Im almost 20 years without a drink or a drug and the last 5 years of recovery has uncovered so much shame. Abandonment issues. A god like experience with someone that turned out to be limerence. I have survived it all. With help. People have appeared in my life for a short time and opened up wounds I can now address and hopefully heal from. I’m sorry for your loss, but you’re not alone. It’s a dark world out there. Be the Light. Share your experience with someone it can help. If it’s appropriate. Timing is important. The journey never ends. Safe travels.

[@MardieGreeley]

Part of me knows this process is what I need to go through. Part of me feels so, so much resistance. That resistant part carries a story that I’m not ready to let go or move on because “what if we are meant to be back together” “what if I never see him again” “what if it’s too hard” all the typical things. And the void!! Holy shit. The encouragement you give to stay in the void as long as you need. To feel the void and what it’s doing inside you. The void roots you into the reality of the beauty of that relationship. And that stays with you, if you want it to. So all the fears in my mind of “what if I never have a connection to them again” are somewhat consoled by this void. The void allows the connection to be exactly what it is. Thank you Heidi. Thank you so much.

[@heyjavonnejay]

Thank you so much for this. As I was watching I thought of a quote I came across recently: "you never lose people, you return them, because they were never yours to begin with." We tend to see the people we love (albeit subconsciously) as our possessions. The truth is, they aren't. People don't *belong* to us, we have free will. People are allowed to leave our lives and vice versa. When we're able to look at things objectively and let go of that need for control, it helps take away the feeling of attachment. This was such a timely video as I am grieving someone I let go of 9 months ago. It's videos like yours that is helping me connect the dots and innerstand how to move through this process. Sending love to anyone reading this.

[@rikkiola]

Thank you so much for posting this quote, I've been struggling with a break-up for around 6 months, full of confusion about what happened. This quote instantly moved me to tears, though shifted something in me. It's also helped me frame a new relationship and a way to view all future connections, perhaps treating them with a little more care.

[@rikkiola]

Out of interest, if it's OK to ask, why do you feel you are grieving when you are the one who let go?

[@elle_aye112]

Thank you for this quote. I hope you are doing better.

[@gentleguide]

@@rikkiolaone of the reasons why we are grieving is because the future we envisioned with someone isn’t going to happen … i hope this helps🤗

[@gentleguide]

I love this quote, it’s so in point🙏💜 thank you and may your heart heals

[@nazadocious]

It's been 10 months since my partner of six years abruptly ended our relationship. It was the most beautiful, loving, harmonious relationship I've ever experienced. I'm 36 now and I lost both parents and many loved ones before the age of 22, but what I have felt with this separation has been uniquely painful as I'd never felt such love and belonging before this relationship. It's one thing to lose people unexpectedly to death, but it's a whole other bag when you lose someone unexpectedly because they chose it and they're still alive. I keep thinking "I'm almost through it, I'm starting to see the light" and then I get sucked back into the void. I'm sure the gravity of the holidays coming up isn't helping. Regardless, I could not have heard the messages in this video so clearly until now. Thank you, Heidi. I needed this exactly today.

[@trejours9148]

Hang in there, it gets better with time. This too shall pass ❤

[@_Celine_26]

We're here with you

[@jillianbutler9410]

You are not alone ❤❤❤

[@guanlanliu3132]

Hope u r feeling better!

[@nihilist_lol]

How are you doing now?

[@mikejones7622]

OMG!! The “spoiled food” analogy was an instant life-changing visual realization for me. Thank you so much for that example!!

[@heatherlove5989]

Highly recommend not disassociating. My feelings flooded back 15 years later after I ended a budding relationship and it’s more difficult to move on because I recognize now that the relationship could have been salvaged if not for my insecure fearful avoidant style. He was providing honesty, offering emotional security, and trying to be supportive. I’m now married and beyond able to have that particular relationship again but am glad I’m finding this video so I can apply some of it to my life now. This information is invaluable. Thank you for your insight Heidi.

[@Infiniteeverything8]

I am full of regret about exactly the same thing. So much love 🤗

[@sylviaAguenther-zc9lg]

I am in the same scenario: maybe this is to the why of the attachment all the good that that man really was, but can anyone really B this? Nau g h it's all in your head.thanks for the information & help.

[@peterspy8867]

When a relationship ends, I usually need at least the same amount of time it lasted to recover, and to even think about needing someone else. I always thought it was weird, since people around me are bouncing back so quickly. Now I understand it's perfectly natural. Thank you 🖤

[@jenniferburton7044]

What if you’ve been with someone for 5-10 years? 👀 You waited that long to move forward? I’ve made the mistake of moving on too fast. But the same amount of time sounds too long

[@terrimartel6558]

One of the best relationship videos I've listened to. The truth sucks. No one wants to face it. This gives me some hope that I can have the strength to face the truths in my life. 😢

[@baileymorris7590]

You have seriously been a godsend. This was the exact thing I was struggling with tonight... I open youtube to zone out, and boom, "uploaded 2 hours ago." I can't tell you how helpful you have been in the past month and a half as I move through a breakup with someone I love very much. God, it hurts. You have seriously changed my life and have helped me see my own flaws and incorrect thought patterns in a safe way. I feel like my life will be better having learned these lessons through you. Thank you so much.

[@wendymartinez1961]

😅😅😅zzzzz

[@Momma_llama_tabs]

I love how clinical and politely you are describing my delusions 😅 seriously though every video of yours is SPOT ON and exactly what I’ve needed going through my current break up and GROWING so I don’t keep attracting and bringing the same energy into my future. Thank you ❤

[@MHcp8]

This video validated something major for me that I always suspected was the case in the back of my mind. I idolized my first love for his incredible self-assuredness and confidence in who he was in a way that I wasn't. I grew up very self-rejecting and very insecure and shaky in my self concept, with a very shame bound identity. I felt like in my relationship with him I could somehow become self-assured and confidant by osmosis. My healing journey involves more self-acceptance and boundaries and it's just so ironic that this breakup was the very thing that illuminated the importance of defining those things for myself instead of letting myself be defined by my association with others.

[@Meoxypoo]

Your comment puts in perfect words what I also have been feeling and helped me understand this grief/healing process i’ve been in a bit more!❤

[@samanthapatterson530]

Never heard this explained so perfectly. WOW! Thank you. This pain is unlike anything I have ever experienced. Losing my partner immediately after a miscarriage and I have been driven to the depths of despair.

[@ba1354]

1 - how do you feel around the person when you’re with them and without? 2 - what is actually happening in the relationship dynamic without thinking about the future/outcome? 3 - feel the pain of disconnection fully and not savouring the pain. Sit and be curious about your feelings. Although it’s painful don’t go back because it’s an unhealthy dynamic. Realise you can sit with the pain and survive. 4 - move through the void of not having that someone. Don’t replace them with someone else. This is where you grow and ‘absorbs the loss’. 5 - you’ll realise the positive aspects of what was lost that you can now integrate in your life. FYI it takes approximately 3 years to detach/ move on from someone. Step 4 and 5 allows you to reclaim yourself.

[@tumblingrosesstudio]

Thanks for this 🎉

[@nyuuuchan]

God I hope it doesn't take 3 years f9r everyone, because I don't have that kind of time left.

[@melitalyell6915]

Thank you Heidi that was a beautiful and extremely helpful video. I’m am a 54yr old who has just had 4 1/2 yr relationship end today, I have survived being married to a violent angry man for over 20yrs, suffered a long term illness during my teens and 20s and was a bullied little fat kid at school. So life hasn’t been a walk in the park, but I was lucky that I came from a very loving family, and they showed me through that love, how to survive. I realise that today I feel very much like that little fat girl who was rejected by her peers, and I have spent the day in tears, but THANKYOU for helping me to stay in reality and move through the pain. I will always be grateful🥰

[@janeo3293]

Your post is inspiring, @melitalyell6915; you sound like a warrior! You got through everything else and you'll get through this! Hang in there. 👍

[@johncaccioppo1142]

The intensity of our loneliness is a strong indicator of how sick society is. We don't believe we'll find love because we never see it happening in real life. It's not that it never happens, it's that when it does, those people are removed as they go nest or fly together and we lose them from our lives. If our society were healthy we'd never let loneliness make others desperate but there's so much loneliness and desperation we don't know where to begin as a society and our leaders, doctors and media have done little or nothing to help. They just keep pushing an unrealistic dream of success and we keep buying.

[@kathykonkle1097]

So true. I introduced two friends. They fell in love. Didn't seem again until they broke up two years later.

[@joshliam1967]

I keep coming back to this video and it reminds me that to truly move on I need to accept that pain is an inevitable part of the process. It's not always easy, but I'm thankful for opportunities to grow and continue being honest with myself.

[@mcbtex9917]

SAME !

[@SusanaXpeace2u]

I'm listening to this AGAIN, with a pen and paper this time. That Patricia Crittenden quote to define what it means to move on is really making things feel so clear to me today. Her assessment that 3 years is approximately the period of time it takes to really move on from somebody who's been a deep significant attachment figure to us. *To move from a place where our identity and the way that we think about ourselves is significantly intertwined with this Other to a place where our identity feels like it is all ours again* wow, that is extremely useful and lets me know exactly what it is I should be aiming for.

[@skylerlove8935]

I've been struggling very deeply trying to get over a situationship that ended 4 months ago. I've tried so many things to move on from obsessively thinking about this woman who moved on months ago. I watched this video a few times, journaled on what it meant to me....now I'm finally free. I'm finally free from the stronghold this woman had on me. I'm free because I realized she gave me temporary attention which I was so deficient in, and then took it away. Anybody else could have done the same thing, so it was never HER. I thought she was IT, she wasn't IT she just gave me the attention I so desperately craved. I don't know if that makes sense, but I just know that I'm free and it feels SO good. Thank you VERY much for this video 👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼

[@pegbuckner5074]

I feel your pain. I just left a situationship a month ago and it’s devastating. I thought he was tge love of my life. 😔 💔 😢

[@reginaschwab6286]

Makes total sense. I am going through this same thing now so it helped me to read your comment. I fell hard because no one had given me any attention in many years and it is painful when they then withdraw that attention. Yes, desperately crave what I thought was going to be for at least awhile but turned out to be so fleeting. I will also listen to this video multiple times and try journaling to hopefully find that freedom. I know now that I have to put in the work on self care, self love, self acceptance.

[@sds6303]

Now if she ever comes back hopefully you can say “Nope, absolutely not!”. So happy for you!

[@fakenattypolice8317]

Im just starting to feel the pain of my relationship ending, hope to move past it

[@wolfie1027]

How you doin’?! 😂

[@ДарьяОбухова-в4ж]

/just a little summary for myself 1. 5:08 Separate a reality and imagined story (how do i feel with this person at the time?) 2. 8:25 Stop trying to control the outcome -> start telling the truth about what's happening with you around the other person (you can learn lots of information about your reaction on different situation s) 3. 13:02 Feel the pain of disconnection and a loss without saving yourself from that pain (not try to cover the truth about the relationship by any means, instead point out your physical and mental state) 4. 19:47 Avoid that person for some time to learn how you can have a joy in life without them (+ not join the next relationship too fast) 5. 28:50 Integrate the love you had in the past into the future life

[@StarCoachStephanie]

Excellent summary thank you so much so sweet and thoughtful. God bless you

[@cintalopez-teijeiro5683]

And for us. Thank you, súper helpful 😊

[@SometimesIdream333]

Thank you. I screen shot it so I can do a quick glance back as needed. Thanks for posting it

[@saral5373]

I smell 👃 limeramce here ;) I’m kidding but maybe I’m Not … I’m new to learning all this also .

[@TM-tw1py]

Thanks for this much needed summary of this lengthy video.

[@ilovepapiler]

Thank you! Major loss for me. It has been 2 weeks and I have been distracting myself not to feel the pain. For the first time, finally, I was able to cry.

[@Somun-a]

As a non-religious being having trouble with all the higher power stuff around 12 step programs, I am almost inclined to see the perfect timing of your videos as a sign of the collective good. Thank you from the bottom of my heart for all the incredibly useful content you put out.

[@ThiLI0n]

Yep, I wonder what goes through people to actually recommend that program. Most of the steps have zilch to do with the problem, they are mere misssionary tools

[@bobclarke2242]

Perhaps you might agree that IF a god exists its name is Coincidence? ☯️☮️🙂

[@ThiLI0n]

@@bobclarke2242 Pure idiocy; If a godlike thing existed, why would it be what people talk about, when they talk about their gods?

[@louisehogan8192]

@@bobclarke2242haha

[@franziskani]

@@ThiLI0n Read the book by Robin Norwood (When women love too much). A "higher power" is needed if people are addicted / severely co-dependent. That higher power can be god, the universe, spirit, .... . Even the group can constitute your "higher power". (a group of humans dedicated to a beneficial goal is so much more as the sum of the participants).

[@gilliansmith60]

Due to the way life 'made' me , its taken me 17 years to let go - Thanks to this vid, I can now say I am integrating Self esteem, Self forgiveness, Self compassion, Self acceptance and more Self reliance. Thanks Ben, I hope you retrieved what you needed from our short-lived but magical relationship

[@varnishyourboard]

Of the hundreds of :break-up" videos I've watched in the last 2 years and 21 days, I think this has the been the single most helpful one. I love your clear concise message about the fantasy versus the reality. I'll always miss her but the void is slowly getting smaller.

[@richardcooke1153]

"Let your relationship autocorrect around the truth." Thank you Heidi! I will put that into practice from now on and I'm putting that in a frame and up on the wall it goes.

[@katypotatoe]

When I think of my relationship with him, I'm feel: insecure, rejected, inadequate, discouraged and sad. Here's what I notice is physically happening in my body: I feel my jaw clench up to fight back tears that want to fall. I feel a pit in my stomach so I'm clenching my abdomen almost as if my body is bracing for danger (because my nervous system is reacting to this as a physical threat). Dear body, thank you for trying to keep me safe and helping me to survive this discomfort. I am safe now. It's okay to feel these feelings. Feelings are temporary.

[@kimlarso]

👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻

[@joshliam1967]

Watched this video a second time and cried my eyes out while moving through the void, as I accepted the relationship is truly over. Going through the pain is hard, but you're so right that feeling the pain is essential as I acknowledge how much the person means to me and how it will never be the way I imagined. Like you said at the end, I am thankful for the impact they've had on my life and I HAVE integrated so much of what attracted me to them in the first place. Still need some more time dealing with the pain before I try to connect to someone else, but I'm so thankful for this experience and all the growth I've had this year as a result.

[@jeffphillips7921]

Time might help heal as well.

[@melon1087]

‘you cannot move on from anything you have once loved and considered a part of yourself without moving through the void of that things absence’ perfect. its okay to be depressed, it doesn’t mean you will stay stuck there.

[@mypov4343]

Every person that's been recently divorced needs to listen to this video. I can't tell you how important the process of letting go is and acknowledging and feeling the pain to eventually releasing it and letting it fade away. The void to me is working on your personal development. Feed and exercise your mind your body and your spirit. May it be so for you!

[@HeyyMissCarter]

Dealing with this now. It’s hard as hell 😢

[@mypov4343]

@@HeyyMissCarter "Letting Go" by David Hawkins might help, audio version is excellent. Working on yourself will get you to a different place.

[@HeyyMissCarter]

@@mypov4343 Thank u so much!! I’ll look into finding that.

[@PaptorTYKO]

Your videos are so fitting to my situation right now. It's hard to let go, especially when the partner wasn't toxic or anything bad. Just "not right". Over 2 years I tried to make it work but finally I came to a place of acceptance, that my fantasy will never be real with him. And I can't keep on living in my head. But it hurts. A lot. But I am going through it.

[@Leejungwoo48]

Sheesh as i was watching this I started crying at the 27 minute mark. LOL I don't know how you can say all this without crying yourself. You are a warrior Heidi.

[@IfeomaNwanze1ze]

Like I just said that to myself. Like how are you smiling saying this really tough things. Mhen a true warrior.

[@ValhallaToadplant]

This was really helpful and well-timed. Reminds me a lot of the 4 Tasks of Mourning: Task I: To accept the reality of the loss. Task II: To process the pain of grief. Task III: To adjust to a world without the deceased. Task IV: To find an enduring connection with the deceased in the midst of embarking on a new life.

[@sarahoswald3573]

Soooooooooooooo GOOD... I do not know how this woman shares things in ways that I have never heard before in years of therapies and all of the self-help and relationship books I've ever read. So so grateful that she takes the time to share and is vulnerable with others.

[@Srirammoving]

8:15 "but I'm guessing if that's the case, you probably didn't click on this video" No, Heidi. I watch all your videos regardless of whether it seems relevant or not. I learn so much.

[@amcanco]

Me too! I started by watching just the ones most relevant to my then-current situation. But now I just watch them all because they never fail to enlighten me. I only wish that you & KZbin had been a thing when I was a teenager (now mid 50s). My life would have unfolded very differently. Thank you, Heidi. 🙏🏼

[@Truthseeker-kc8rd]

This woman is a life saver❤

[@arthurcamargo8416]

The metaphor of the unhealthy relationship being like cheese in the fridge for too long is, to me, quite poetic! This was very enlightening. Thank you!

[@elle_aye112]

This video was very helpful and brought me to necessary tears. I have done a lot of healing and have made a lot of progress, but the attachment is still there through anger and sadness towards the person that I have supposedly moved on from. You frame and put words to these blurry, wobbly, painful emotions. This is amazing work you're doing. I recently finished short-term behavioral therapy and your videos are as challenging and beneficial as those sessions. You are providing an amazing service to the public in times where mental healthcare may not covered or available to some. A sincere thank you for the incredible work you put into making this available.

[@SeekAliveness]

Omg! Heidi are you making this content just for me lately? My BF of 3 yrs just ended our relationship. After an amazing first year, things had been declining since I moved in with him in year 2. I thought it was growing pain but turns out it was the beginning of the end. Things have deteriorated further in Year 3 and it’s clear I stayed too long. We have 2 mos left on our current lease to get through as roommates (fortunately we have separate bedrooms). I want to let go (emotionally) and move forward with my life and these videos are SUPER helpful.

[@shereesurdam6386]

Oh, this is just so spot-on and thorough. Unbelievably relevant and helpful. I recently experienced a breakup of a very short term but intense and passionate relationship which has been brutal to let go of. I have had an easier time walking away from a marriage than walking away from this situation. This video was so helpful and I appreciate the honest delivery; no sugar-coating. Detaching from the person I was with has been one of the most painful experiences of my life. The relationship just triggered so many unresolved childhood traumas for me; but experiencing this is helping me to understand my attachment style, and hopefully to choose partners in the future, who will be more safe and secure places for me to land. Anyway, great video.

[@anastasiasokolova114]

💛🫶

[@Asher22222]

Gonna have to watch this one a couple of times. I’ve finally had an awakening and realized that the verbally and emotionally abusive codependent relationship that I’ve been in with my alcoholic boyfriend for almost six years needed to end. While part of me is sad, part of me is relieved and I’m eager for peace; but I know the void is critical because this is a cycle that must be broken.

[@anastasiasokolova114]

You're amazing! 💓

[@nicolajirving]

This sounds like me but only 14 months together. Enough was enough when he crashed my car, drink driving. Hate this missing him part but cannot go back to the daily abuse/love bombing/complaints/declarations of love/constant criticisms. It was exhausting.

[@saramichael3837]

Fudge! This is exactly what has been happening to me in the last 10 years of my life! Every time I am rejected and my vulnerability is stepped upon my mind takes me immediately to the future when things will get better and I will be understood! I am co-regulating with fantasy! I have been trying so hard to change myself to make things work but the perfect relationship never existed in the first place!!! My wellbeing and happiness was never a priority in the first place! 💔💔💔 I should have left many years ago! My brain has been playing tricks on me and wants to kill me!!! 😢😢 It is such a shame that the lightbulb moment takes long and not until we are ready. Heidi, you are a genius!! I always said that but you are a phenomenon! ❤😍💖

[@mole986]

I almost didn't watch this when I saw the video recommended because i felt like i was not ready to hear what you had to say. But wow, this was such a beautiful guide. Your words were so kind while also being firm and reinforcing the importance of being centered in reality rather than fantasy (which i am often a victim of). Thank you so much for this, Heidi.

[@tstrays100]

I’m so glad I found you. You wired my tears away and made me understand how to move forward and out of the yucky ruminating. Thank you dear for your work.🙏

[@SusanaXpeace2u]

A lot of this is still valid for a mother /daughter relationship. I had a story that she would EVENTUALLY listen, if I kept trying to be heard. But no. She has labelled me mad, bad, sad and has changed all the facts to support her gaslighting of me that she is the victim of my "aggression". I have to give up. I have to let go. It is painful though. I'm not saviouring myself. It really hurts. 3 years and 3 months since i asked her to consider my feelings and from that day, she has been the victim of me. Im not a real person to her. It's awful. If you don't "saviour" yourself, i hope the pain goes away. It is less painful than it was. It is renewed sporadically when my brother says things like "do the facts matter?". Well yes, when she is distorting the truth in order to smear me and justify her victim stance, yes, the facts matter.

[@JuleSophia]

I feel your pain love, I'm so sorry. I know it hurts like hell cos I've been in the same place. I was only able to let go of my mother and the story I told myself about our relationship after years of traumatherapy. Living in that void, feeling her absence - and most of all truly understanding that she would never be able to or want to hear me - ripped my f*cking heart out. But grieving her and the idea of how our relationship should be also set me free. I don't know how to explain it, I just feel so much better now. I think its because I realized that I don't need her to feel heard. With the help of traumatherapy, I can finally listen to my childhood self (instead of gaslighting myself, which I did before). I can provide all the love, empathy and understanding that this little kid inside of me so desperately wanted from our mom. And somehow now, I feel heard. I really hope that you will be able to eventually experience the same kind of peace. Sending light⭐ Oh and YES, the facts matter!!!!!🤗

[@SusanaXpeace2u]

@@JuleSophia Thank you so much

[@jamescalbert4958]

Wow! After watching this for the FOURTH time (I KNEW there was so much gold to mine out of this the very first time I watched it that I HAD to revisit again and again!) I came up with an analogy for the concept you introduced @ 22:35, "...learn to integrate their impact and start embodying it instead of seeing that experience as intrinsically connected to that person." I had to realize that I do this often when someone introduces me to a song or a band. I may, at some point, acknowledge that they were the one who sent it to me or played it for me in the car or whatever, but oftentimes I don't go on to associate that song to them every time I play it or listen to the band. Actually, I feel like it then becomes MINE to share or to set a mood or to get pumped-up. I do realize that music can often also be a trigger for melancholy and longing for someone we're attached to. The focus of my attachment and I listened to a lot of the same kind of 80's music that I've avoided since we split after a year last December. But it was still MY music before it was music that we shared in common. My daughter introduced me to Kings of Leon and Bassnectar back in the day but it doesn't compel me to go spend time with her. My son, Greg Laswell, Noah and the Whale and Skrillex. They're now on MY playlist and I share with others. Thank you so much Heidi for your extremely thoughtful and insightful video's! Keep-on, keepin' on!

[@nors222]

You have been a huge catalyst to me slowly becoming more secure. Thanks for sharing your insight, you’re the best Heidi!

[@coki1990]

Thank you, my marriage with an avoidant just ended, he was having an affair for over 6 months and is now dating her. I started my healing journey as an anxious person the last 4 months. You helped me so much. I feel like these videos saved me ❤

[@IfeomaNwanze1ze]

I'm sorry about that really

[@jasonlynch6547]

I think this is a universally great video that will help anyone dealing with emotional loss. Heidi, you have a beautiful mind and a unique perspective and I’m grateful that you share your healing experiences with us. Thank you for creating your specialized content to help us with our own personal healing journeys. It really demonstrates what a wonderful heart you have.

[@MrSbygneus]

You've helped me immensely with this video. I am a year and a half after a divorce and still struggle with the feeling of grief and failure. But every day is better, bit by bit.

[@ultravioletemme101]

I'm so very grateful to you for your wisdom. I've been struggling with regaining my Self after a loss, and I have been doing everything I can to speedtrack my healing. I felt like it left me vulnerable to backsliding - like I was still in his power. I'll have to come back here in the future when I need reminding not to cut corners when it comes to experiencing the reality of my grief.

[@TheYellowRoseOfTexas]

The best "what should I do regarding ending this relationship or not" video I've ever seen! There's too many that really push for you to stay married and somewhere in middle of the video you'll realize they're highly religious and pushing you to stay together at all costs! I really appreciate your content, such a clear, concise, and easy to understand communicator.

[@chavesa5]

Thanks Heidi your timing could not have been better. I just got out of a very toxic codependent friendship that had some truly, exceptionally beautiful moments but was empirically killing us both. I was the one who had a lot more to gain and lose, and so the separation feels like a failure of character and/or a failure of class, and that such a person will never come around again, and so on until I've crafted a horrible story about how my life will be awful and this was the last war I will ever fight. This video has been invaluable at helping sketch out a real plan to help process through the loss in a healthy way and be open to the best possibilities in front of me.

[@deborahclark2558]

@chavesa5 I am in a toxic friendship of twenty something years and like you we were so co dependant I feel broken hearted but cannot be hurt anymore. So here goes listening to Heidi and hoping I handle it with dignity and some self respect. Hope you are doing ok seven months on

[@kristinagradishar4824]

Thank you Heidi. It’s incredible how one person can be so wise and articulate, and obviously interested in understanding the human emotional experience and helping others to navigate difficult circumstances. You are a gift and I hope that you inspire others to be as well.. we need many more just like you. I wish this kind of thing was taught to teenagers in high school.

[@Katherout]

heidi you articulate these difficulties so compassionately! really enamored by how you tackle these topics on your channel

[@bapbap22]

“Happy, protect each other, coregulate, and build a future together” Thanks for summarizing what a relationship should be so succinctly

[@lustertone8587]

Once again you have tapped into my inner psyche and pulled out what I am struggling with, vocalized it to help me hear it, absorb it and then provide me steps to understanding my thought distortions and what I need to do to make the necessary corrections in my journey of healing to help me become the truest version of me I can. I cannot express how grateful that I am for having you put in my path at this point in time to help me. Thanks You!

[@yesyeahyes1]

This is actually mind blowing! The piece about the person we are attached to filling a trait or a role that we want to integrate into our individual life. I just never thought about it quite like that.

[@DahliaDance]

You are positively BRILLIANT. Thank you, from the bottom of my heart for this. I’ve experienced SO MUCH LOSS in my 49 yrs. And right now, another relationship I thought was, “The One.” Your lessons on Limerence coupled with this are total game changers.

[@JM_utube]

This video absolutely belongs on a Heidi Priebe Greatest Hits playlist. Love it.

[@gwionthorpe9596]

Possibly one of the most impactful videos I've ever watched/listened to. Thank you Heidi. Currently navigating the end of a 22-year relationship and you have no idea how much these words have helped shift things for me 🙏

[@linggg1541]

Hi Gwion, I your comment caught my attention as I saw "22 Yr relationship "..and thought your circumstances similar to mine of 33 yrs. Please give me some hope that since you posted your comment 5 months ago, that there is some light at the end of the tunnel I find myself presently stuck in 😢..my whole world feels such a scary mess right now.

[@annehoughton3386]

@@linggg1541- hi, my 35 year relationship ended4 years ago. I’d like to make contact if possible?

[@dyshawaites6047]

This was AMAZING this the the most holistic way I’ve ever heard of getting THROUGH a breakup! Thank you this is a real Gem.

[@marconius2020]

I’ve only watched part of this and it feels like it was made for me. I have a history of not being able to let go of relationships, even when my core self knows that they are unhealthy due to my insecure attachment that started way, way back when. Thank you for posting this, Heidi. I’ll watch the rest, or start over, this evening.

[@7Earthsky]

This video was incredibly difficult to listen to.....But i know more valuable than i can describe....Thank you. x

[@lindam7821]

This brings tears to my eyes but at the same time feels like a guide through my emotions. A lot of what you said in this video is exactly what I was going through. Thank you for this video. This helps a lot ❤ so happy and grateful to have found your channel.

[@freespeech4all723]

So many pearls in this teaching. I will need to listen to this over and over. I never want to forget what is taught here. 💕

[@Mutantcy1992]

This was useful. My situation seems extra difficult because the fantasy wasn't just nurtured and constantly revived by me, but also by her gaslighting me into thinking it was reality. I thought things were improving significantly, and she agreed. But it turns out she was cheating on me. And she is still coming back.

[@seejessicacode]

Why does Heidi not have a patreon and downloadable transcription or summary for each of her videos?! I have to write my own like an animal for quick reference when I’m feeling triggered. Surely, I am not the only one! You’re awesome Heidi!

[@caleighh6]

This was both very helpful and comforting, and also so hard to listen to for me in this moment. I am divorcing my husband whom I still love very much, because there are too many things that are not working for us. Far too much of my self-validation and self-worth come from his friendship, love, and approval, and I am in excruciating pain trying to start letting go of my attachment to him and our marriage. 💔 I broke down crying so many times when you were talking about feeling the pain and being present with it when you notice the person’s absence and the loss you feel. The pain down the centre of my chest is so heavy and draining 😣

[@lola_22222]

You can give yourself all things that you give that person to you to fill your void or sadness ❤

[@patakanz]

This makes so much sense in explaining ROCD/RA (relationship OCD/relationship anxiety). I was in a relationship with an avoidant woman for a year, and had constant battles with anxiety both when with her and, more often, when not with her. It was the push/pull dynamic that was doing it. During our break-up conversation (which she typically didn't call a 'break-up' but was as it's now been nine months) I said to her it always felt like she had 'one foot in the relationship, and one foot out of it'. But man, the hurt of just being discarded by her out of the blue is still there even after all this time. I honestly don't know how far through I would be without Heidi's content. It's been a life-changer.

[@glizzyfartin]

it’s as if the universe is trying to tell me smth

[@cecichavez3889]

same, got dumped for what seems like the 10th time by the SAME person. The universe is like sis.. let go

[@tryingnot2bdumb]

saaame yeah ❤❤❤

[@ire80east46]

​@@cecichavez3889😂😂

[@Acceptablehandleaheada2.-_]

That 'smth' you're hearing is a pulsating variable star. Don't take it as a sign, it may be a misguided anecdote. Also, stars only align because of gravity.

[@Willowdog08]

Or your highly evolved brain.

[@WriteAwaze]

This shed light on a beautiful relationship that died several deaths, the final time as a friendship I truly thought I'd have for the rest of my life. My attachment style is ordinarily secure, but this one time it was not, and now that I'm in Stage 5, integrating, I have all sorts of insights as to why. Thank you!

[@macast93]

You are great at expressing the idea of healing without it feeling or sounding extremely excruciating. It is beautiful! Thank you!!

[@pattyfinchdewey8606]

I'm 74, widow of one year, after 52 years of a close marriage. I didn't expect this to apply to mourning, but it so does. Thank you.

[@ninjabreadgirl]

Oh wow. Can't imagine losing someone in that capacity. Sending you love ♥️

[@LittleGreenPearl]

I needed this so much, you’re a guardian angel. To this day, I’m still hurt and crying from the loss and I feel like I can’t keep going anymore. But your video came in clutch to give me strength. Thank you

[@dustinquinton]

Great video! What I took from this video was, whenever I feel down and think about what was great in the past, come back to reality and remember how the bad outweighed the good. Also, that there is no future, and if I stayed, would the relationship be good or bad? Reality tells me that the future would have been terrible.

[@neant2046]

Again, it's a very healing video, and again I'm thanking you for it, Heidi! This topic is one of the things that I'm currently working on, and it seems to be a big one for me, although I didn't know about it until I started the journey. There was one thing that you mentioned that really resonated with me - about feeling long lasting grief around what a certain person allowed you to be. I also noticed that the grief around certain qualities that some people unlocked in me can sometimes be stronger and last way longer than the grief around the actual person or relationship. When you have a lifetime of bottling up certain aspects of yourself, someone who can open up those bottles and let them breathe may be perceived uncounciously as somewhat a wizard. And working on revealing and incorporating those aspects on a concious level without external help was a huge step towards healing for me too.

[@jeannievail]

Your videos are so helpful, I appreciate your insight. I have noticed that my FA love of three years needs and appreciates these things from me but can’t return the favor. He’s been in therapy for a year now and I am proud of his progress but there are still a lot of double standards and hypocrisy. Now he’s not only in a new relationship with an emotionally unavailable woman but she has already moved in with him. Meanwhile, he doesn’t understand why our relationship has to just be a friendship and I can’t keep showering him with adoration. He wants to have his cake and eat it too. I’m finally putting my own needs first, even though he doesn’t seem to like it.

[@jillwklausen]

Heidi, this was so helpful to me in this exact moment. I am losing a friend with whom I used to be very close, and feeling her slipping away has been extremely painful. I've told her that I miss her presence in my life and the way we used to connect, and that hearing about all the things she plans and does with other people really hurts, but all it did was make her pull back even further. She recently went through a painful breakup with the first man she's dated in years, and had some difficult interactions with toxic family members, so I know part of her retreating is her own need for self care. I honor and respect that, but being shut out is still deeply painful, so this video couldn't have come at a better time. I'm going to listen to it again (and maybe again) to really let the advice and wisdom sink in. But today I'm going to start on the journey of being there for myself and not relying on her to keep me company. I'm going to integrate the good parts of our friendship into myself, knowing that I can come out a better me. Thank you very much for being what I needed today. I hope you have an excellent day filled with joy and peace.

[@Briejethemodel]

This is soooo good. The reality test WORKS! When you tell the truth it sets you free and you get to see how it feels to be yourself and allows them to give you their true reaction. People can only mask their true feelings for so long.

[@jadewilson9018]

I just absolutely value your work on emotional health Heidi, thank you. I’m on the truth step at the moment, I said how I felt to my boyfriend today, he reacted terribly and I just know that the space between my fantasy and reality are narrowing and I’m a little nervous but I’m ready..: feels like I’m about to go to the dentist..: eek, but necessary You are so healing, thank you from the bottom of my heart ❤

[@lancescoville7123]

This is worth watching several times. So encompassing, so real. Her discussion about being present with our physical sensations in the moment, to ground ourselves in the wisdom of the body when our minds are doing loops is pure gold--to mention just one of the gems in this video. And, as always, offering up her own experiences is a vulnerable and generous way to bring it all home to us.