How to Stop Procrastinating & Heal Feelings of Paralysis

[@TimFletcher]

💜 Please be aware of scammers impersonating Tim or the Tim Fletcher team! We do not provide any phone numbers in the comments and Tim does not chat privately with viewers. We will never ask you to join us on a messaging app. When in doubt, reach out to us via our website at timfletcher.ca. Stay safe and scam-aware. With Love, The Tim Fletcher Team.

[@d_cole_writerboy66]

I literally saved this video to watch later...then immediately made myself watch it now.

[@autumnaustin-lata9710]

Ditto, I did exactly the same and then laughed at the irony of it. Great info, hope it helped.

[@OneSillylizzy]

I just did the same and your comment came up! 😂

[@0Justice0Peace]

LOLOLOL!!!!😅

[@Morrow77]

same

[@estar1277]

Me too

[@Innamoramento9]

I'm an absolute champion at tackling unpleasant tasks as soon as possible. Every invoice, every bill is paid the same day I receive them, and every icky chore is done as soon as possible. It's the creative stuff, my ACTUAL dreams, my writing and art goals, that I procrastinate for years. I stumbled upon this video trying to understand this contradiction.

[@rpmmoth712]

I think you've prioritized your needs. So of course not paying bills would have more serious consequences in terms of your survival, quality of your physical life and could also lead to more money worries. But if you don't do writing etc it won't immediately affect you situation as drastically as bills etc. So it's survival mode. The thing is is that creativity is necessary as an outlet for stress and is supportive of your being and could help you to feel less like your life revolves around surviving and adding more to your stress and becoming a cycle.

[@timfahey7127]

@@Innamoramento9 well said. Did it help?

[@jip7971]

I am exactly te same, but when it comes to art I procastinate. But I know where it is coming from; I have a fear of failure.

[@rpmmoth712]

@@jip7971 imagine if you cannot fail. Imagine there is a child you that wants to do art. Would you discourage that child and say it's not worth it and it's wrong? All the inner child is asking for is to do it. I was once told to paint. And if it's looks ugly to keep going. And I came to accept myself. Your fear of failure is to do with not accepting yourself. But the inner child cannot fail. It just wants the opportunity to express it's joy and wonder. So when you have self defeating thoughts, imagine that is the adult part of you talking to the inner child. Now imagine how you would respond to the adult part of you in support of the inner child. The inner child is expressing it's need for creativity and exploration and also also for self expression. Another thing is is that there are many versions that come before the product we picture in our head. And sometimes the best things are discovered when you just keep going. Things you wouldn't have discovered before had you stopped and listened to the discouraging voice.

[@jip7971]

@rpmmoth712 Thank you for your comment and the insights I had to ponder on some time. There is absolute thruth in what you said; my innerchild loves the colors of my pencils and wants to draw, experiment, dance, play and have fun, just that. Although I am 52 yo now, she is always there. But ever since I was a child at school I had fear of failure. As soon as something went wrong with the things I did, I would cry and say 'I can't do this', stop and turn my back on it. A few years ago, after getting rid of some people in my life who would still hurt that child, the universe presented me the next challenge in an unthinkable way; drawing realitic portraits. Never touched a pencil since my childhood. Other than with abstract art, which you like or not, everyone can judge my work I feel. Drawing people or animals is intimitate, as you are capturing the soul and the depth of the character; there is vunerability in there somewhere. People admire my work, are most of the time emotionally affected by it and very grateful and I appreciate that so much. But no matter how may compliments I get, I seem to forget the feeling and again doubt my abilities. But, nevertheless I keep going and it get's better. I gave myself a licence to fail, because perfectionism is still an obstacle. You gave me a new perspective about how I should support the child who just wants to express. I made a selfportrait of when I was a little girl and watching it makes me emotional sometimes, but I am gonna honour the little girl and just let her play. I saved your comment and surely will read it again. I am very grateful that you took the time to share this with me.

[@hammincheese1310]

[EDITED] The problem with SOME of us with CPTSD is that we don't have very many memories of what happened in our childhood because forgetting was a coping response of our nervous system in itself. As a result, we often remember our childhood as normal or uneventful and can not connect to the specific events that led us to our current adult behaviors. For this reason, we really need a list of possible childhood root cause events for trauma-based procrastination and then just walk through each one of those with our child to give them what they likely needed at the pivotal time, essentially covering all bases, regardless of actual personal relevance. So, if you or anyone else has a list of possible reasons with examples as to why a child's nervous system would resort to procrastination as a coping mechanism that would greatly help those of us with CPTSD. Thank you.

[@KidOmega-iv4tp]

I half agree. Despite remembering many examples of mistreatment, I do find the majority of my childhood is a huge blur

[@AshrekaKuku]

👍good information

[@laia_constelaciones_terapia]

Despiste yo don't have any memories associated to this, you can work on paying atention to the present body sensation that appears when you are about ylto start a task that's activating the procrastination Mode. Learning to self-regulate your nervous system when this sensations appear and reconecting with a body felt sense of safety can help you a lot

[@muertito8077]

As kid I felt like I was at war,- involuntary. Everything besides (school, holidays, birthdays….) surviving was just a side quest for me. And I felt like I couldn’t afford distractions or waste my resources on side quest stuff. Moreover the less I did or the less I was noticeable caused less trouble for everyone else. So my full time job was to be alert. Since today I encounter many parallels in my everyday behavior to that time. Hope it helps filling the example list

[@mynameisheidi]

I've been healing cptsd for 20 years (with efforts worsening largely via practitioners sadly, and efforts supporting in that time). I just wanted to mention that there are two pathways that might support you without remembering. These are: - really allow yourself to sink into the path of letting things slide (within your tolerance) till you get bored, and by doing things randomly, chaotically if that's in your personality (again within your tolerance) till you get to a point where you get so bored that one day you find yourself curious. Once curious see what you notice about yourself, when you do something randomly that is a relaxing / healing tool like 'egh, bored, I'm just going to try this...'. I'm saying this as the fundamental idea behind it is the tension in the body / overwhelm in the mind (also spoken about as freeze, though I wanted to respond naturally with words that come naturally). What I'm talking about is introducing you to a more natural relaxed feeling in the body that comes in a chance moment and allowing you to feel what it is to feel a soothing feeling, a feeling of relaxation, a feeling of 'oh that feels nice'. In my case it started with a hot water bottle (I was afraid of the sensation of warmth in a relaxing soothing way) then I've progressed from there (across food, massage, sleeping, clothing, bathroom habits and so on) and about 2.5 years in I can feel easier doing things. (I use awkward language so it's authentic). - see if you can remember things that feel calm, soothing, warm from childhood (or even now). I mean privately a sense of 'where did you go, to get a feeling of relief'. In my case it involved grass, bed, and toys and particular spots. Also certain foods (orange and lemon peel, honey in my case) that are known to be healthier. That feeling, I had no idea it was something to remember or note, though these are healing feelings. Calm, just a moment that felt good eating or sitting there, or hugging the toys. Those feelings, see if you can, when natural is key, so slowly, however it happens in you, notice in yourself these feelings now. Life around these feelings becomes easier, and activities become easier, as life is around a very private thought of 'just going to pause and sit over here a bit' as supporting that feeling is the idea. It's a whole way of supporting. In terms of remembering, I exposed myself (kind of by 'diving in') to a quite full on spiritual world and met a lot of people along the way. Some of these people would ask very difficult questions and then I'd need to reflect to feel I was responding truthfully. I'd meditate a lot and see what my mind saw. That allowed me to remember and that is still ongoing, 10 + years on. With far more care and gently, with full consent and awareness to feel ready and ok. I also had very severe trauma, mostly bed bound for many years, and to hold myself in that I would suddenly remember in moments of terror. This still happens. I also remember with videos online (books and focus there is too much). A lot of what I thought was totally ok in the environment growing up, is not totally fine at all. Anyhoo, it can be highly unique based on how you see the world what's overwhelmed, hurt and terrified you, so a list would be a starting point (that's poor or excellent as it applies), though the above (in my view) is the full path. Note. where my view means based on my experience, and how I'd support others, if they were ok with 'hearing', it may be more important for them to feel their own agency returning and discover and decide for themselves (to feel empowered) as the most supportive and not listen to anyone, as that's vitally important for them.

[@AC-ss5oy]

I used procrastination to conserve energy in a chaotic, violent household that could erupt at a moments notice. I used it to maintain some feeling of safety when things got too difficult. It's probably also why i live alone, have no kids and no partner b/c having a family is closely associated with chaos that I cannot control.

[@RobertaFierro-mc1ub]

You are amazing! Even though I already knrw I was carrying the baggage of my parents degrading and hurtful union, I still.got married and triex to.deal.with an obstinate and addicted mate. I tried my best afyer our breakup.to raise my little boy.

[@TheMockatiel]

Same, and same. 💝

[@chooselife1242]

wow this resonates. I have a family but it is a bit too chaotic for me, and I ca't get anything done until they are all out of the house, I don't know why this is.

[@game_4_growth]

Same & same for me.

[@TLBJRA1981]

Me toooo

[@landline516]

I have felt tired my entire life.

[@Ali76564]

Fallen nature we have

[@kelliered4530]

Me too i am a terrible procrastinator than when i dont do anything i get terribly depressed

[@joseandrada264]

Me too

[@emr7712]

I write daily goals. If I can't complete, I roll them over to the next day. I read over my goals and psych myself to tackle unpleasant tasks. It does help.

[@caitijayne]

@@emr7712 i do this too

[@notclagnew]

Same - I also reflect I why I am interested in doing the thing that I am choosing to put on my list.

[@gingsSon]

@@notclagnewoh cool, I may start doing this as well. Thanks for sharing

[@skjelm6363]

This one is for me. I absolutely tried to discipline and motivate me and felt I fail myself every single time. I lately realized that I am just allowed to give up and allow me a pause, a real one, not in that hidden alert stress situation i kept me holding in the past - the prison. The shell is cracked, I feel that, my stomach is more often not under tension, i can let go and remember the calmness that feels like...just me - without masks. without fear to show it. I went that way now thanks to you and my therapist... and to me. There is still some more steps to go - but I feel confident. Even if the sadness and grief is still a big part of the healing.

[@StaceyDusk]

That totally makes sense, so simple with you explain it like that! Stress caused me pain because I didn't have the skills to deal with uncomfortable emotions so I put everything off as long as possible to prevent pain for as long as possible.

[@gulliver7419]

This is not easy. If for example you are afraid of success because you feel you a) don't deserve it and b) are afraid that you won't manage if you do have success. Then add fearful avoidant attachment style where you find it hard to ask for help (almost all of my friends have been quite narcissistc or emotionally unavailable) i.e. they are not able to be a support to me. It takes a lot of courage and skill, it requires a little bit of faith that you will be okay. Often when I do try and do something I am afraid of, this terrible exhaustion overcomes me and I feel like I have to wade through mud. It's tough but I don't have a choice. I just have to do my best and walk through the fire.

[@andreeaburian1408]

You can do it! If you believe in the Lord Jesus, you can do all things in Christ who strengthens you! Lots of love in Him ❤

[@gulliver7419]

@andreeaburian1408 Hi Andrea, thank you for your response but i find your response invasive. You have no idea what my religion is. Assuming that we are all Christians is arrogant.

[@andreeaburian1408]

@@gulliver7419 hi, My intention was to encourage you, and the best is through the Lord. I assumed, wrongly I realised, that you are a Christian for listening to this. I apologise. I still wish the best for you

[@pamelamckeever4332]

@@gulliver7419 very relatable response❣️ sorry you also have this challenge / lesson 🫂

[@Chefluchi]

@@gulliver7419relax, try not to act on your feelings so quick. She didn’t meant to hurt you or invade you. Look for the deeper meaning of her message, try to see kindness in people. Not everyone is out to attack you. Please don’t take my message as an argument or a fight, is just a humble opinion.

[@4xzx4]

Perfectionism is a cause as well.

[@NurseRay]

Absolutely, I couldn't agree more.

[@jmg1972]

@@4xzx4 exactly. ‘If I don’t start, I can’t make a mistake’.

[@penguin_mom]

Thank you, Tim! I feel very thankful for your advice. I procrastinate since I was a child. And now, as an adult, I'm still. And hearing you, I discovered why. I never had an adult guiding me in the process of my homework or the basic things of life. And my mom always said to me, why are you trying to do that if you are not going to finish it? 😢 so I'm glad that as a mom, I support my children in everything they have to do. And I'm there to cheer them up when they succeed in a sport, at home or school. ❤❤❤ you gave me the tools to change and stop being a procrastinator! Thank you so much!!!!!

[@jean-b8m]

Exciting video, A year ago i took the no contact route, well i wouldn't say it didn't go well, but i missed her and sometimes you have to leave your comfort zone and go for what you want, Without knowing and having a huge ego, we might actually miss out on our soul mate all in the name of not settling for less, I know who i am, and at the same time i know what i want for me, so i did all i could to get her back, and I must say, it was the best decision i have ever made, we have been together again for over 7 months, yes marriage isn't always Rosey, but i am lucky to have her, just as she is, to have me, we compliment each other.

[@emilyclark-m2g]

its difficult to let go of someone you love, i am in a similar situation, and i do not know what else do to have him back, i have been dying inside, people actually think i am happy, i am not.

[@jean-b8m]

I feel your pain, sister. after trying out the no contact experiment that failed miserably, i had to find other means, i had to reach out to a spiritual adviser, it was brilliant idea which i never thought it was, but it worked wonders for me.

[@emilyclark-m2g]

Amazing, how did you get a spiritual counselor, and how do i reach him/ her?

[@jean-b8m]

Her name is Shelly renee white , and she is a great spiritual counselor who can bring back your ex.

[@emilyclark-m2g]

Thank you for this valuable information, i just looked her up now online. impressive

[@eileencita]

I was a parentified daughter, abandoned by her father, and raised by a very fault-finding and perfectionist mother. So yeah... it makes a lot of sense. I did my best but it was never enough. Every mistake it was something to be condemned by, never a "thank you", never a compliment, never "I'm proud of you". Her demands and expectations were unbelievably high. And I had to take up too many responsibilities for the early age of 10. So yeah... It makes a lot of sense.

[@pegagonza3784]

Wow your explanations about what that child needed at that moment are very specific. I needed someone show me how to do things !

[@veni5126]

I needed to know it's okay to fail sometimes :(

[@SpreadLoveLikeWildfire1133]

Tim, thank you so much for helping me understand what has happened to me and how to heal these things. You're an angel. Thank you. 😇

[@jenniferfox8382]

It's gone beyond procrastination at this point. It went into what's the point, hopeless, meaningless. Tackle procrastination before it gets to that point.

[@KidOmega-iv4tp]

How? That's often my question

[@HaHaroni]

​@@KidOmega-iv4tpOf course, you just need to do it. But who knew that I've been doing this my whole life so my brother wouldn't be upset with me? He's not here.

[@game_4_growth]

What's the point indeed. I'm with you there.

[@HaHaroni]

@@game_4_growth Life has the meaning you give it. The best philosophers could come up with nothing more.

[@dariusus9870]

@@game_4_growth obviously there's no point. If you need to clean, the point is that it's dirty and you don't want to live like a pig. That's it. If you're fine with living like a pig, then don't clean. The "meaning/purpose/heroic battle" people are either delusional or sleazy salesmen like Jordan Peterson. If you won't buy their crap they'll have to sell other sh*t to survive. If this question bothers you read the myth of Sisyphus by Albert Camus. Most of the time people do stuff because they desperately want to outclass others, get the biggest house, drive the fanciest car, have the coolest sounding status, get the hottest babe/stud etc. And they're miserable. I recommend Arthur Schopenhauer - aphorisms on the wisdom of life. The only point is if you want (not should) to do it. Otherwise there's no point. Forget hope, meaning, truth - silly ideas for the people with the highest ego. Priests, politicians, psychotherapists, parents, enlightenment gurus, self help book writers, army men etc. sell hope just so that their audience has something to buy, be hypnotized by their fantasy and not run away. An honest charlatan doesn't exist. It took me about 30 years of "deprogramming" or unlearning the crap i was fed by my parents, teachers and a lot of pain, hate, anger and frustration. Just to find the point. BUT......... i wouldn't have gotten to my point without that 30 year journey of fear and alienation. (To put it in perspective, i started questioning everything since i started talking, apart from my grandmother i was extremely suspicious about everyone). To finish: the point is love. Deep shared love. Without learning meaningless mathematics, descriptive geometry, art, languages, drawing etc., I wouldn't have met my wife. In hindsight, meeting a person like her will have been worth 500 years of doing things I didn't want to do. The point will reveal itself. You just have 2 choices: keep going or stop. Before stopping, Albert Camus. Along the way, do some dangerous stuff too (yt won't let me say what so be creative). I honestly wish you the best.

[@HaHaroni]

Thanks Tim. I didn't know procrastination was a coping mechanism. Success was scary.

[@veni5126]

For me failure was scary. I had to either not fail at all or hide my failures from my parents.

[@HaHaroni]

@@veni5126 I cannot remember ever caring what my parents thought, because they were not my abuser.

[@theseventhgeneration6910]

I am so happy that I've found your channel. You speak to me like a good friend, who has known me my entire life and is also very educated in C-PTSD. This is exactly what i need to hear so that i can forgive myself for living a life that has seemingly been self-abusive. I've gained a tremendous amount of tools to help me cope with my dysfunction however, i haven't been able to understand many many things about specific behaviors that i haven't been able to overcome. Thank you. You've reached one more and in only a few minutes, tremendous healing has taken place. Note: I'm an audio engineer and I can hear that your input volume is too high. It's creating a bit of distortion on the playback in these videos. Try lowering the input volume, getting back from the microphone a couple of inches and increasing the secondary or master volume when doing the post recording production work. 👍

[@MadamSeibes]

Thanks so much for this video. It helped me so much. Instead of treating the root cause, I feel extremely guilty. I am exhausted. I need rest, not more tasks but I felt that resting is being lazy. I am so tired and not motivated to do anything even things I used to love. Thank you so much for sharing this. Most videos I found only made me feel more guilty. Truly, not every message is meant for everyone. I needed to hear this. God bless you Sir 🙏

[@RobertaFierro-mc1ub]

Tim nails it every time.

[@HaHaroni]

I don't know how he does it.

[@Boyhowdy875]

Listening to you speak is different from anyone else I've ever listened to in my entire life. It's so healing to listen to someone who is not shaming and blaming, ridiculing and mocking me.

[@becbell4913]

He's such a gentle, father figure, hey? I absolutely love listening to him, my favourite speaker

[@TheWackler]

My social worker will talk like this and it's wild how much it takes you down a notch and make you open up. Haha I feel like telling him to cut it out. Can tell they're both father's 🤣

[@atashakgem]

Dr Fletcher you are a wonderful psychologist! I so relate to everything details you describe! I am so so exhausted so wounded all my life and surely all due to complex trauma

[@manometras]

When I feel that I am given / I have not enough time to do a thing well enough in my natural realistic speed, I eventually quit (and get depressed, if I quit an important thing). “Hurry up!” means “Leave it here and get out” to me.

[@Lyrielonwind]

I think I procrastinate because no matter how many tasks I accomplished, my mother always had another one waiting for me. No rewards, no time to rest so, there was no point on finishing any task since I was like Sisifo pushing the rock up to the peak to the mountain so it would roll down and I had to repeat the process. It was a never ending list my mother had in order to weigh me down and don't give me either a break nor a smile. I feel sorry for all children and adult children who never watched a loving smile on their mothers' faces 😢

[@Sanaamahmood114]

❤❤ thank you for writing this

[@verenapotocnik734]

The same thing happened to me. Needless to say, 1) I hated the things she wanted me to do, 2) she never allowed me to do them my way to make the process at least slightly enjoyable, 3) mocked me for the things I liked and did everything possible to stop me from pursuing them.

[@reflectiveFrankC]

I know what you are saying. My inner child seems to be saying I still need the protection. It is at a fear feeling level that wants to judge adult thinking. Perhaps to do with not being heard that I am in fear, I don't feel safe. What your sharing is on the right track. My adult gets it

[@arzumardalieva3874]

Inner child healing is so on point here. Thank you 🙏🏻

[@queenj.8i895]

AMAZING VIDEO start to finish! In the 1st half u helped me see that I always felt the more I did, the less I was seen or appreciated, or maybe sometimes the more trouble or hurt I set myself up for, so my efforts become pointless, fruitless in my mind, and often in reality. A waste. Or worse, a source of pain. So I feel the emptiness & hurt of it upfront now. I always give and do sooooo much more than the average person, so the pain of it being treated &/or repaid like it was all nothing - or something bad - to begin with is even deeper. Leaves a big void in me. Makes me very much not want to do anything anymore. Then, from 8:25 you give such practical tips for ANYONE! Very helpful video! As most of your work is! Thank you so much for alllll your work! GOD BLESS ❤️‍🔥

[@gillr1149]

That feeling of: I need to be still and silent to be safe. Doing something proactive feels dangerous. When Im stressed (most of the time), Im sat doing nothing, seeing no one. I dont want phone calls, questions, engagingwith something that might add to the stress. Thats why I procrastinate I guess.,

[@gemmakelly5257]

This came to me exactly when I needed it 💜✨. REST, rest 💜

[@GypsyChlo]

Tim, could you please do a video on Pathelogical Demand Avoidance? And trauma around autism It would mean the world 🌎

[@sarazink2237]

I guess for me it’s addressing the need for perfection which maybe steams from feeling like I could never please my dad. I try to do small things more frequently so I don’t feel overwhelmed

[@brightsky5586]

This video has helped me tremendously!! I've watched it 3 times, every time it motivates me!! Thank you!!

[@travelwithsouthernchick5112]

I am so in this stage of my life and need this.

[@NurseRay]

You know, this is something I’ve usually handled pretty well, but it seems like I'm facing a bit of a challenge with it at this point in my life. I'm confident I can get through it, but I'm just wondering how to make that happen! It's almost like I keep tripping over my own feet! Self sabotage over and over again 😩

[@veganvocalist4782]

yes I use some of these tools and they work , breaking things down to bite size has made a huge difference to being able to cope well with potentially over whelming situations / tasks . Form filling , public transport, social situations . Thank you I have learned more from your wise videos 🙏🏼🌸

[@andrewmaher8409]

May I ask please what are the “12 needs” for self care that Tim mentions at 3:20? Thank you.

[@TravelerSanna]

_I have used many of the elements mentioned in this video for years. I also use Notion for the last decade. It got me successfully through undergrad, grad school to maintaining two successful businesses. I had a parent who was a covert narcissist. No contact!_ 💙💙 reparenting myself

[@firefly5574]

Thank you. Very insightful and practical. Thank you for your kindness and generosity. Much appreciated

[@ilovemeforwhoiam]

This is God send message for me. Thank you from the bottom of my heart sir❤

[@audioadhd]

Great video! I am listening to this, with intention, lying on the floor where I was procrastinating a shower, which was procrastinating homework.

[@aquariusstar7248]

I was reflecting on a related topic from my childhood just hours ago. My mother consistently denied me encouragement, approval, reward or anything that brought me a sense of self-value or even pleasure. Practicing rewarding myself for my completions and achievements has been so hard for me to do. I often forget, but i have ppl around me who have to remind me. My lack of fulfillment of things completed and achieved I wonder may be related to lack of pleasure, fun and reward. It's a conundrum that I hope I will be able to solve.

[@joshuah8401]

I really need to watch this but not right now as that would surely be procrastinating 😅

[@elizagoodytwoshoes9140]

😂

[@jenhari3432]

😂

[@patrickweber8284]

Thank you very much. So good you giving us these tools💛

[@brandocaldera3042]

I came across this video because I was searching up how to deal with procrastinating I'm going to apply your method into the daily tasks and try to get things done . I even took notes . This whole procrastinating thing with me is starting to get worse it's not often it's starting to become a daily habit for me now .

[@wandaad]

If a to-do list is too overwhelming it's better to make a priority list of only 3 things. What 3 things do really need to be done today? May look like this: 1. Respond to Dave's email &send 2. Do the dishes 3. Put sport clothes in laundry. When you get the priorities done it's rewarding. You may do 4 things or more in the end. But stick to 3 priorities every day and you get on track.

[@sexywarriorwomen]

Ya. Whatever level feels doable go with it. Small wins!❤

[@somuchbaloney6283]

The earliest i can remember is 2nd grade making a folder for parents nite. Last step was gluing yarn around my picture. I had to be held at recess for 5 mins to finish it. The whole process was enjoyable so have no idea why i procrastinated. And it haunts me. Somehow i think i procrastinate in order to alleviate boredom🙃.

[@olympiaelda1121]

It is alright, if that was the case. Boredom can feel excrutiating, ubearable.

[@wellbodisalone]

Limiting distractions and setting new routines is definitely helpful. Great tips! 💯

[@tessg4799]

This was so, so awesome!!!!!! I can't put into words how helpful this is for me! I feel like you're changing my life! ❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤

[@weaviejeebies]

There's a couple of reasons why I started this as a kid. First, out of sight was out of mind for my abusive, explosive parent. It was better to fade into the scenery than to be seen doing anything and attract dangerous attention. Second, it was a double bind existence. My parents would demand I do things but never actually taught me anything. I didn't know how chores, like wash dishes or tidy a room instinctively, they just assumed everyone automatically knows how. I couldn't ask for help. They got mad if they had to spend time explaining things, and I also just didn't sant them hovering over me, supervising, because they were just so intrinsically intimidating. So when I bumbled my way through things, they found fault with my work and that led to explosions and abuse. Teuly damned if I do or if I didn't.

[@sexywarriorwomen]

Ya. This is not uncommon and very destructive.

[@dienekevugts5572]

This is a very clear video. Thank you for posting it.

[@mariacristinavarela8314]

Thank you very much... you hit the spot for me. Really powerfull Thank Youuu

[@marion7661]

That was the most helpful advice I ever got about procastination. Thank you very much

[@DZ-rf9fh]

Sooo good. ❤ I would suggest this applies to all humans because who hasn't experienced ongoing trama in life? The stress potential is ever present.

[@IamL54]

Wow. I'm glad I've found this channel. Thank you for sharing your knowledge 🌻

[@deirdrelewis1454]

Never do anything today that I can put off till tomorrow has always been my motto! And yes, I do come from a dysfunctional family.

[@annsjoholm7310]

Thank you, this was really helpful ❤

[@SueLeigh-pr8vy]

This is so confirming and comforting. Just one thing is doesn’t work for me YET: If I make a list, when I look at it the next day, I freeze and become dysfunctional. When I don’t make a list, I am more functional and as I start organizing and cleaning, I realize I’m FEELING “I LOVE PUTTERING! I LOVE MY LIFE!!” As a child, a stepparent would demean and mock me with a verbal bullying about all of the things that were wrong with me. I perk up and look for things to clean and organize when no one else is at home.

[@Captain_MonsterFart]

I also freeze when I make lists. It's perplexing.

[@passionfruitprincess]

I really understand where you're coming from. But, i'm ADHD, I grew up with severe childhood trauma but my daughter is the quiet ADHD & she grew up in a loving, secure environment. She also procrastinates as bad as I do. So, I'm hesitant to believe procratination comes from childhood trauma. It's also a well-known ADHD trait.

[@sexywarriorwomen]

There are multiple causes. He is covering trauma based procrastination.

[@liveagaincoachingministry1319]

Very good! Thank you

[@triplejmom7826]

This is so helpful. I need to do a better job of self care among other things.

[@PepperstoneGB]

*Amazing Excellent 👌👍 .*

[@sp277]

Thank you very much for your video.

[@cyberla]

Agh, yes, these are all points that I have debated in my mind as rational reasons why I have put off a new business venture. Thank you!

[@breakablehandlewithcare]

Thank you ❤

[@aleksk1610]

I was not a procrastinator, I was simply depressed since childhood

[@Lyrielonwind]

I remember every time I finished a task, there was another one and there was no way to find time for myself or anything else but being in constant alert to please my mother or.. I guess there was no point in finishing any task because there was no reward not even time to rest until bed time.

[@sarazink2237]

Ya know maybe that was my issue too. I kept thinking the only reason I was procrastinating was I pry felt overwhelmed and stressed out as a child. Same with now. I do everything on my own so I have to use my energy wisely and a lot of time it’s just for surviving.

[@IroquoisPliskin6789]

​@@sarazink2237doing everything on your own is not something to be proud of. We all need help from time to time. Go get married. Get someone to take care of you for once, you know?

[@CaroleWebster-x2s]

That is not the right reason to get married.

[@stevepeterson5943]

I can never get around to procrastinating, ha : ) Thank you Tim!

[@anatman6304]

I don't know what to say to my past child self to help them, to soothe them. I don't know what to say to myself now. I spend most days frozen in leaden paralysis from being hopeless & overwhelmed at life. Fifty years of this - some occasional better times, sure - but, by and large, fifty years of fighting this just to survive - to keep a job, to have healthcare, a roof over my head - no falling in love, no nothing - just barely surviving - every day being traumatuzing in and of itself from having to walk with lead on my feet to even keep my job, etc. It's not worth it anymore.

[@kelliered4530]

I feel the same way and am 64 in a bad marriage

[@dr.olteasoul_healing_acc]

very good strategies and as a medical professional and healing practitioner... I am truly surprised as I will do it for myself

[@dr.olteasoul_healing_acc]

Thank you very much. You make this world a better place by helping people this way. Blessed Be Always!

[@displeased_goblin]

Great video. One thing, though: the microphone seems to be too close to your mouth when speaking, leading to sound peaking and unnecessary distortion. I hope I am not the only one, but it kinda hurts my ears and I have to listen on a much lower volume just to get through the video.

[@Tyrell_Corp2019]

It’s difficult for me to pinpoint any particular moment from my childhood regarding procrastination. However, I can imagine a general scenario about it as a substitute. From there, I’m imagining what would’ve been a better outcome and the emotions associated with it. I hope this helps anyone else out there who is in a similar predicament

[@juanaturbides9539]

God bless you

[@aosidh]

Speaking as a recovering procrastinator: this is the way. Acknowledge the fear/shame that is driving the avoidance so it can be disarmed

[@JanetSmith900]

I'll watch this tomorrow.

[@MegaTruthseeker]

Thank you so much 👏💕

[@MichaelsPaintingChannel]

I find my way by buying an extremely comfortable chair, having an empty desktop and try to love what I'm doing. Plus be the king over fear and distraction.

[@NurseRay]

Likewise, and yes, a comfy chair is essential!

[@lauralauze9137]

I can confirm that this strategy works on me, and I have been a procrastinator since highschool....

[@RobertaFierro-mc1ub]

I procrastinate because I lack the confidence to.complete a project. In other words I am afraid of feeling worse..

[@davidcohen26]

I really love your channel - just wanted to ask fo one thing since most of us have a damaged nervous system - could you maybe speak not so close into the microphone ? ❤ Nearly every video-audio is overdriven/distorted. Had to stop a lot ouf your brilliant videos for that reason... 👍

[@mariaregi2671]

I just put it on higher speed 😂

[@ingerin]

Thank you😊❤

[@GearzMonkey]

I’ll watch this tomorrow

[@bjelfin]

In my childhood whether I did something well or failed to do anything never made a difference to my parents. My mother was too busy fighting with my father to notice. So my brain most likely was set to a default mode to put as little effort as possible into anything. There was also a lot of trauma induced by my mother when she was screaming and out of control.I've struggled with procrastination my entire life. I also have been diagnosed with ADD.

[@Mallowolf]

This is a wonderful, compassionate point of view.

[@AlexCio]

great advices. There are many things we can do. my favorite is to split things into little pieces that can be done without thinking. and I love to do crocheting when procrastinating, this goves me at least the feeling doing anything. I crocheted 16 meters since 2017 😅 #endlessblanket

[@abbykoop5363]

My brain couldn't get past the part where you said, "That's what we do with children...reward them for doing a task". My brain got SO confused it just couldn't hear the rest. Children get REWARDS for doing tasks??? 🤔 We just got punished for NOT doing something. We never got praise or a treat for doing anything.

[@jenhari3432]

That last part has not worked on its own for me, seeing the consequences of not doing it, it just adds to the overwhelm and stress for me, even though I know I'd be relieved if it was done, I've been shamed for it alot.

[@sexywarriorwomen]

Makes sense. That can definitely be part of the trauma and will need healing as well.

[@jayneanderson8057]

thankyou

[@SuzannaLiessa]

I use what I call "absentminded productivity." It's particularly helpful for dealing with a pile of paperwork. The thing most likely to derail me is needing something that's not easily to hand, like an envelope or a pen. I make sure I have everything handy & commit to doing whatever's on top of the pile. When that's done, it's a pretty good bet that the next item provokes one of several responses: That's simple. I'll care of it now and get it out of the way. That's important. If I do it now, it's dealt with, and I don't have to worry about it later. Ehn, I have everything handy. I might as well do another. Since I've only committed to doing one thing, it doesn't matter how much is in the pile. Everything I do past that first item is an extra, so it feels good to do something I didn't have to do and it’s self-reinforcing. When I decide I'm done, it's really satisfying to have either a significantly reduced pile or to have finished the job entirely, and that’s a reinforcement, as well.

[@thetruthrenegade]

Your on the right track negative emotions are error codes waiting for you to debug the code to use a computer metaphor. IF you do't't correct them then you like the person who keeps driving the car with the check oil light on and they burn up their engine. The use of will power motivation to overcome is only good for extreme situations, what we want to get into is the natural flow of the universe and use unieral focus all around us, some might call it subtle energies an frequencies. Other smight call it Physics. Remember all these negative emaotins are just error codes and your bodies way to tell you the check engine light is on and you need to get it addressed. Good Luck and God Bless.

[@MorganBradley-k7x]

Thank you man

[@shreyaschavan8851]

Thank you sir 🎉

[@helenenorman3598]

Blessings from Sweden 🇸🇪

[@mikael2003]

Hej! ;D

[@HeeBeeGB]

I can't watch it now..I must wait

[@ladybird169]

I loved the topic of procrastination as protective mechanism for a child, I wanted it expanded. Instead, the topic was abandoned, followed by all old advices that are already tried many times and didn't work.

[@sexywarriorwomen]

If you need to explore it more I suggest you find a good therapist to help with that. A video can only cover so much and cannot help you delve into your trauma and the why’s. Those are personal and different for everyone.

[@beeboppmcgopp]

When I first saw the video was out I thought to myself I'll watch this later. I went ahead and knocked it out. Lol

[@sarazink2237]

Yup! I clicked on this video and immediately almost clicked off to keep scrolling. Short attention span 🥴

[@alix9399]

@@sarazink2237same here! 😂

[@ethereal946]

I did this but at least I’m back just before bed lol😩

[@sunshinesunflowerz1647]

I'm not sure where the procrastination came from because my mom forever told me that I was a procrastinator growing up, even I asked to go sign up for something, that piqued my curiosity. I dont think that I was, I tuky believe that it was being consistent with it and having true supporters supporting me, in what I gravitated towards e.g. YMCA: swimming, Gymnastics: never completed doing a cartwheel, attending schools of my choice growing up. My mother was the one who projected her procrastination onto me, for whatever reason that she did because i always went out for what I wanted, some stuck and some didnt. I tried out for a play that came to my church, didnt get it and was heartbroken about it, but I have books to help me and workshops to help me become better.

[@plixplop]

My "To Do" lists usually become "Didn't Do" lists... I have realized that I need to curtail the amount of things I commit to and undertake to a more reasonable level.

[@emr7712]

I can't remember how old I was. I was scared of answering school exam questions. My father was very strict when it came to passing. I couldn't answer questions for fear of failing and getting a beating. We were not allowed to get less than 75%, not 74.5%. It had to be no less than 75% minimum.😢 Anything less was considered a failure. I always procrastinate about whether it is the right answer or choice for fear of failing.😢

[@sexywarriorwomen]

That is so tough. I hope you can find something you can do to enjoy without worrying about it being good enough. Just something fun and enjoyable to start healing. ❤

[@garethjones2746]

I will watch this one later

[@mariaregi2671]

At the end the same advice, witch pointed out for not working at the beginning. 😢

[@ladybird169]

Exactly!

[@sexywarriorwomen]

The difference is that once you have healed the trauma that caused it in the first place then those tools can become useful after. Healing the trauma surrounding it and doing the emotional work is the first step or nothing changes.

[@dawnross2514]

Sometimes calling it procrastination is unhelpful too, as you can actually be stuck in a freeze response, which isn't procrastinating.