How To Talk So People Listen - Make People Remember You

[@ilijasavdic7949]

I always thought I was weird or different in any social situations, but after wachten this I realized I’m doing these naturally when I talk with people. The only thing that is hard for me is when people dont give me that energy back and I feel stupid for trying to engage with them.

[@nebulasofia]

Same, I do all of these things

[@bmillersince92]

Lol some ppl aren’t sociable or aren’t having a good day, keep it pushing

[@priscillaandhercats]

🤚 hi . Same here . I have to ask how they are doing and they even ask if I care or I’m just asking just to ask 🤦‍♀️

[@gaylegreene]

I can relate.

[@sallybush6454]

U are not weird...u holding ur truth...u have to stop doing that.. change the company ur with...I'm 51 bipola adhd...I felt like u...and was tired of it...I woke up and thought u know what I have one best friend she went through everything with me...before I was diagnosed...she stood by my side...if u have bipola educate urself...make sure u know ur boundaries...do what makes u strong or vulnerable...and u will have a beautiful life I promise u xx

[@alpinemind9977]

Boy. This is the ultimate crash course into human interaction.

[@DrTraceyMarks]

Wow thank you AloineMind. 😊

[@hashh2019]

More of these please or where we can go for more of this.

[@KnightGab]

The aliens watching this ✍🏻

[@akilahharris924]

@@DrTraceyMarks this is so hard for me .. I shake my leg, I pick my face, Look around the room . And I'm aware that I look insecure, so I avoid going out. what can I do to not be so nervous.i love your tips but it's seems I've tried this over and over

[@ms.anonymousinformer242]

Yes, I needed this. I always wondered how I have to fake acting like other people. I have some kind of "disability/inability " to smile naturally /physically outwardly a lot of times when I'm truly happy I have a straight calm face,no smile 😑

[@Christian-Gigi]

1. Smile when you talk 2. Be interested in others...ask questions or be neutral 3. Encourage and Support.. no judging 4. Body language...shoulders relax, don't take up space, sit up straight, eye contact, no fidgeting, slow down, mirror them

[@puntoycoma9491]

Thanks for the summary :)

[@smileyface702]

*do* take up space

[@LG-universe]

Thank you.

[@missnurseeri]

_DO_ take up space...

[@robertabel6984]

It seem you realy got the message

[@esharenee4186]

This is me, people enjoy being in my presence because I listen, smile, I open up, be understanding, non judgemental. I love people.

[@DrTraceyMarks]

That’s awesome. That’s a great character trait to have.

[@tarawalsh-arpaia3928]

I'd love to know you too Esha. Those are extremely valuable traits. Treat them like precious diamonds. It took me too, too long to see the value of this in myself. I thought why am I attracting all these vampires that suck the energy out of me, never stop talking about themselves and don't even know the first thing about me and don't care. Well, the answer was: of course they like me! I listen, I am interested, I respond, I can be present. Now I want some too. I want it reciprocated.

[@sincerelysandi]

You are a beautiful human💕

[@tonyaharris6593]

That beautiful ..I'm learning not to be judgmental I'm getting so much better:)

[@shanel1095]

I love people too❤️

[@theemptynestchronicles62]

I really prefer people be honest with me. I hate the idea of walking around thinking something was great and others thinking it wasn't but not saying it. I also have a hard time reading between the lines so straight forwardness (not rudeness) is a breath of fresh air.

[@karakol86]

"I dont know much about it" and not having an opinion is also great way to escape confrontation and those who like to bait. It shuts them down. Great advice all around.

[@ms.anonymousinformer242]

Yes Especially the people that baited. Oh man.

[@johnathanrice3569]

Gee, who new lying was a good technique. If you’re passing judgment, then I’m guessing you probably do know something about the topic so if you’re saying you don’t know much about it you’re lying. There’s no other way to cut it.

[@christelegassant9334]

I’m autistic and so I work really hard at human interaction, but I do all of these things! Listening to you has me feeling so RELIEVED that I’m doing okay and that I’ve improved in my efforts. It stresses me out so much. Thank you!

[@anonanon2712]

I hope it gets easier for you!

[@Pastelsnek]

am i crazy or does the eye contact thing freak you out too

[@Strangewit]

Growing up, I was unpopular and the guy others picked on and made fun of. As an adult I found myself thrust into a leadership position. One day as I was walking outside, I saw my reflection... head down and all hunched over. I thought to myself, no one will follow someone who looks like that. I started improving my posture and walking more purposefully. People started viewing me as confident, even though I was anything but! Over the years, I learned the importance of relationship and how it sets the stage for gaining the respect and loyalty of others. Now a leadership veteran, I still possess far less confidence than others think, but am able to lead effectively because my teams love following me. I am now mentoring my successor in preparation for retirement and shared with her how to this day, I seldom "feel" confident or "know" exactly what to do in some situations. She was absolutely shocked and had no idea. Training myself to look the part and taking time to know and care about my staff has yielded great rewards. You are spot on in this topic!

[@Audacious82Baby]

As an INFJ who loves people, these tips tends to come very easily to me. The two problems that I often run into is: people mistaking my kindness for a weakness and feeling as if they can disrespect me. #2 I attract clingy people that can't read my moods and do not realize that I don't want to be bothered🤭

[@PaperCraneOfHope]

As another INFJ I completely understand this! It’s the same for me too. I’ve become better at putting boundaries up though. 🥰 My channel is for INFJ’s if you want to check it out!

[@jeanninethompson88]

I completely understand. People take my kindness for weakness.

[@bibinoojen]

@@PaperCraneOfHope I'm INFJ too, and similarly learned to set boundaries. I used to think I was being difficult, but as I learned how to do it better, realized that most people are respectful of boundaries and even appreciate you being straightforward and open. Also, really like your channel!

[@PaperCraneOfHope]

@@bibinoojen Thank you! I almost started crying when I read your comment. 😭 Been doubting myself on my channel but your encouragement has really lifted me up!

[@dogladytherapyllc644]

I am an INFJ and I could find so many things that I do wrong. I needed this.

[@dogladytherapyllc644]

Your videos are spot on. I am a therapist, and today I noticed that I was channeling Dr Marks. It was a good moment in session.

[@t.l1357]

I have to learn how to not give negative feedback. I'm always in fixer mode. I'm learning how to chill. This is really helpful for me. Excellent video as always.

[@tiajohnson493]

I love how "they didn't ask you for your opinion" needs to be spread. But hey, I'm glad it is.

[@tennotsukai87]

Being autistic, these videos have been some of the best in how informative they are, and I like that they're straight to the point.

[@LonjeMarie7]

I’m super friendly , and my feelings get hurt when people don’t reciprocate especially neighbors. I have learned to just leave people alone and on their own time in their own way let them come to me. Low investment, HIGH energy. When they finally do say hello even if it’s weeks or months ,I give a very hearty warm well hello there how are you! we all want to feel like we have control over what we say and do it’s basic human nature. Thank you this video was awesome!

[@GR-ol1vp]

Your channel and Polar Warriors have helped me A LOT. I just want to say I appreciate what you do. You are helping a lot of people.

[@DrTraceyMarks]

Thanks so much Gokce! I'm glad they are helping you

[@ultimatewarriors1291]

Polar warriors?🤔 Why is it called that

[@alliwishis2652]

Don't forget Doctor Grande he's REALLY REALLY good too...

[@GR-ol1vp]

@@ultimatewarriors1291 because it's about Bipolar disorder

[@GR-ol1vp]

@@alliwishis2652 for some reason I don't like his videos. I don't think I find him genuine.

[@shanevalentine5757]

I am happy that you made it clear that people are private because they know that some people are out there to hurt and not to encourage

[@Thislife78-p1w]

This week I was verbally abusive to someone who didn’t deserve my bad words. So this is me trying to be better at not criticising. Relationships need thoughtfulness, compassion and consideration. Thanks for this vlog! 🙏ℹ️💯

[@August3S]

Good luck.

[@Fruit2023.]

I like how respectful you are, taking the time to respond to every comments. Thanks for being you😊

[@DrTraceyMarks]

You’re welcome Marie. Thanks for noticing that. 😊

[@taki1255]

"Well that was two months wasted." I laughed so hard at that 💀 These are the exact kind of thoughts that are at the forefront of my mind when talking to people 💀 Although I am a bubbly person I tend to deal out very thorough and frank criticism, especially when it's related to my field because I hate to see nonsense 😩 I realized that I need to soften the blow a little more. Thanks for the video!

[@ms.anonymousinformer242]

You just described me.

[@stargeezer57]

I feel so seen

[@lovengershq6545]

I like the example about diffusing your own opinion. If someone wants you to try their cherry pie, but you don't like cherries- no matter how WELL they made the pie, your earnest experience will be that you don't like it. So by disclosing in advance that you don't eat cherries, you can diffuse the pressure that might otherwise have been placed on your feedback. Then you can either decline to try the thing or try it and give your feedback with the qualification that you don't like cherries having already been established.

[@cas0125]

My name is Charisma so it was very cool hearing it said so often in a video ♥️

[@DrTraceyMarks]

Awesome Charima! People need to have you 🙂

[@robertmullen7586]

I went to a shrink 20 years ago and was looking for information to help with my anxiety and all they did was make me talk about me, they gave me nothing. I never went back. Thank you Doctor for some actual useful information

[@codingprograms2078]

Wow. I think this will help with my anxiety. I am a very intelligent person but when it comes to dealing with people man it's hard. This is how I know God gives you what you need right on time. Thank you for sharing your intelligent wisdom

[@justicebrewing9449]

I teach a class at Hypnothoughts live each year about Rapport in video, and we go through building rapport in person first to get the basics down…. This is a 9 minute version of the first part of the class… only better articulated:) thank you!

[@sandy89107]

Smile when you talk. Be curious and interested in others. Encourage and support others.....carry conversation with warmth. 🙂

[@poetryplay9434]

Wholesome. So enriching. Of all the videos I have watch on this topic, this stands out. Straight to the point, clear, concise and comprehensive

[@psicopati4581]

This is totally accurate. I am a very introverted and shy person but I naturally do those things. Showing that I'm interested specially with my expressions and body language makes people recognize me as a "warm" person even though I don't talk much. It creates a good balance.

[@carmelitacarter3913]

You're a blessing and l am glad l subscribed to your channel. I am 52 and just graduated with my MSW. I am studying now for my LMSW. I am listening and taking notes to each one of your topics.

[@DrTraceyMarks]

That’s wonderful Carmelita. Congrats on getting your MSW. And all the best with your LMSW. 😊

[@tarawalsh-arpaia3928]

You are an inspiration. I am at that age (50) where the world tells us we are all washed up and I love to hear of people like you who keep on living and going for what energises them. Thank you.

[@Ag34ag]

I am an extrovert and I struggle sometimes with being distracted. So even with all the charisma I have, I still feel a disconnect with people. I did not think about this until you brought it up in the video. Thank you

[@tinaperez7393]

Charisma means being appealing to others. It's not very appealing if you don't show genuine interest in others and are easily distracted much less distracted at all. Maybe all this "charisma" you claim to have is only felt by you, when you look in the mirror. Extroversion doesn't automatically mean charismatic.

[@teamorcas]

@@tinaperez7393 this person could just have adhd too

[@suanningle7508]

Music in the background detracts from your brilliant work Dr. Marks.

[@mswriter3612]

This was presented so well.. as a designer I see the clever in this simple delivery. Great music, and words. Im recovering from childhood trauma that programmed me to please my abuser to stay safe. But now, as an adult, I carry that "hyper diligent" energy with me. I have trouble engaging the mirroring part of me because I get so stuck in my head, trying to ask questions or sound interesting , that I miss the FEELING part of me , required to mirror their energy. I think mirroring is a gift , healthy parents give to their children, to open up those observational pathways. From the eyes to the brain and heart...along the vagas nerve. This beautiful lady is my new teacher in applying what Im learning. and I look forward to discovering her lesson plan. With Gods help, we can all help each other find our devine selves... We are children of the most high...

[@tarawalsh-arpaia3928]

Bless you fellow journeyer toward wholeness!

[@CreativeThinking52]

Very informative video. I'm going to try smiling when I talk.. Thank you for sharing. Have a great day. Fully view video. 👍

[@margaretcampbell2681]

The trouble these days is that you can ask questions about them but they so often don’t ask questions about you. This is disappointing

[@roberthorwat6747]

It doesn't matter. Just keep asking. It's great that you are even able to. Also, don't forget that they will always remember how YOU made them feel👍

[@sysy-xm1mo]

Margaret Campbell send love to them

[@gracecar5820]

It doesn't matter. Asking them questions makes them feel good, and gives them a positive view of you, that was the point, it seems to be aimed more professionally. If you want to have a personal relationship with a person, and they seem completely self interested, then that is a LACK of charisma on their part, and a red flag to you.

[@dianadialga3955]

@@gracecar5820 Yup or they don't care to get to know you in particular in which case you could move on and stop trying or give them some space for a while and try again in the future when they give you an opening. People will make it obvious from the get go if they'll get along with you in the long term or not. You can gauge that from their initial reaction. That's been my experience at least.

[@saywhatyouwant888]

Am and understand them well . guarded initially friendly .later on That said don't like intrusive characters at all .there must be a space .dunno why !!

[@pennybeer2073]

Thanks for the helpful advice. I took notes. I saw Maya Angelou quite a few years back now. I remember I was moved to tears. For me her statement was so true.

[@reshayad2480]

I'm in the process of relearning these steps! So hard after dealing with past trauma but not impossible 🙌🏾💪🏾!!! Thank you Dr.Tracey 🕉💕👑

[@ThatBackYardLifeHWGAC]

Me as well, stay Encouraged, Relearning is a whole process🤗wish I had subscribed years ago just found her channel 🙏🏽💜

[@reshayad2480]

SAME! Also you are so right about it being a whole process🤦🏾‍♀️ but we got this sis 🙌🏾🙌🏾🙌🏾! I didnt start taking this youtube serious until recently and I'm glad I stumbled across this video! Thanks for the encouraging words !!!!! Be blessed always!!!! 👑💕🕉

[@ninny4122]

Same .. re learning how to do things is tough but I like to think it’s so able💜🙏🏻

[@dulceyprocaz]

Dear Tracy: I love your voice tone and pronunciation... It makes me want to keep on listening... There are several videos on topics i'd prefer, but then I see one of yours, and instantly choose it among many others... Thank you so much for the valuable content you share.

[@enriquebonifacino9939]

Some people use these techniques instinctively. They left a good impression on us because they sound and look caring, kind and genuinely interested. Others need to learn these techniques and retrain their minds. Thank you for you informative videos!

[@aprilmay4992]

I’m one of those who have to learn these techniques.

[@hukihuki4135]

"because they sound caring" --> maybe it's because they are actually caring :p I think that for some people it's not a "technique" they use (even unconsciously), it's just how they naturally are. Good-natured people attract people

[@BeautifulTruthTalk]

@@hukihuki4135 sometimes but some are good at trickery

[@elenif.vlachou9126]

instinctive vs being polished and intentional goes a long way!! Id say as an instinctive kind of person myself, following guidelines with a certain degree of discipline is amazingly beneficial!

[@joyjones7745]

This video has come up a few times in the past but I never listened to it before today. But there was a lot of great information on here that I’ve heard before but you brought up some different angles and questions that I never personally asked so I didn’t know the answers to them but now I do. Thank you!

[@havad3938]

The one here difficult is constant eye contact; I almost feel more ease pulling away to think...This is great advice to make this world just a better place. Thanks

[@Gustavo-z3j]

I'm not a native English speaker so I'm very grateful that you speak loud and have pronounced everything clearly. That's another part of this class.. Thank you

[@MsSarahOloba]

I needed this 😅. I’m a private person and having conversations with co workers is very hard for me

[@melbarn9204]

Keep going. Practice helps....makes perfect, not to be perfect but the situation.🤗

[@kkesj1263]

Sarah I know what you mean

[@edithkamau375]

Me too

[@kid_missive]

This topic, multiplied by ADHD is really challenging. I am okay with speaking and body language, but I feel like I can't do enough real listening to be considered genuine. It sucks when someone is telling me about something that's actually important to me and I'm smiling and nodding but literally panicking inside as I feel their words and details dissolve instantly from my mind!

[@kid_missive]

sometimes I just resort to telling people I have adhd and asking them to use short sentences and allow me to confirm things piece by piece before they continue

[@ericclayton9080]

The advice to keep it pushing is good advice. I am an extreme introvert. What that means practically ( I'm too old and self assured to be bullied by common myths about Introversion) is that we as a group create our own energy. We literally get as hyped as extroverts get in a club ...all...by... ourselves. Just like introverts rarely of ever get a charge.from a crowd....extroverts can't relate to getting energy alone they get as drained alone as we get in public.. So when your extroverted happy go lucky high energy self comes to us you zap our energy you are feeding off our energy...we are very off putting because we see you coming and we don't want to be fed on. It's not a bad thing we just want to set some boundaries to not get drained in the course of the day ...we talk to people we can trust so we need time to open up because we are.losing lots of energy and we just want to go back to our energy source ( solitude) being in public means getting sucked on by the energy suckers but we like extroverts they make socialization easier and we need human Interaction but it is so draining.....extroverts will dismiss what I say ..introverts will nod in agreement ...it's just what it is...

[@jadestonehouse5060]

I love it when people ask out right. People ask out wrong. That’s why they get rejected.

[@drewm9660]

Hey Doc, for some, talking brings more anxiousness. But we do enjoy watching and listening to you and others who are skillful with the spoken word.

[@DrTraceyMarks]

Thanks Drew. Yes, there are some people who just aren't wired for this and that's okay. We someone listening. 🙂

[@northraven7806]

I went here because I did not know how to speak with one of my students. It is a woman in her 50's, very shy, very humble, she looks like she's been bullied her whole life, but she is a marketologist in an arts company and she really likes this job. But in a conversation she is so cold and private, that I often forget what I need to say next. All of her reaction is "I understood", "I got it", "Fine". She never engages in creating examples or sharing experiences, she just consume my speech like a dementor. While every other student is actively going to dialog, to speak of their perception. I might think that my standart behaviour is not working for our communication with her, but she continues to say that she enjoyed our lesson, every time, almost as if she was forced to say so. To my regret, I recognised the same kind of conversational behavior in other women that were Orthodox Christians as she is, and it might be just a way for them to live and communicate with others, so maybe I cannot do anything to melt this eisberg. But your tips are very helpful, so now I have something to try. If someone want to share some experience, please, I would be glad to hear.

[@MonitheLupie]

So happy to have found your channel. I’m working on breaking generational cycles, and I’ve notice my actions are mimicking of my parents. I always wonder why I would respond the way I do around others, especially when I enjoy meeting new people. It was difficult until I found your channel. I’m preparing to watch more of your videos. Thanks again

[@asinjatom4650]

i hv tried smiling n being non judmental and they hv worked out,thx doc 4 ur tym

[@noneya4444]

She has beautiful eyes.

[@DrTraceyMarks]

Thank you Sara 😊

[@maylazo3734]

Dr. Marks , These videos help me learn and confirm what I am already doing right. Also, self improvement so I stay kind in this world where others can be condescending, demanding, demeaning, etc.

[@kharlwilson8323]

You are a Gift Dr marks it’s so many topics to touch on I’ve learned alot from your videos god bless u Iam buying 1 of every book you write again god bless.

[@darkrose00]

My trouble is usually when people start asking for advice and I struggle w being genuine but not encourage something that I think is a bad idea. 🤦🏽‍♀️

[@rudy1380]

Great job. Carnegie once said that some animals have jobs: chicken lay eggs, cows produce milk. But a dog’s only job is to instill these feelings in others.

[@julesgainey9677]

Wow this was just SOOOOO!!!! Informative!! Brilliant

[@DrTraceyMarks]

Wow thanks Jules! I appreciate that 🙂

[@michellemcgee3534]

Excellent tips! Even though this video is 3 years old, it just now came up in my feed. New subscriber!

[@tinoari9279]

I love all of your videos! I've learned so much from you! ❤

[@DrTraceyMarks]

Thanks so much Tino! I appreciate you.

[@Jennifer_7600]

Love this advice for ‘neurotypical’ people! Just thinking about how overwhelming each of these tips would be for someone on the Autism spectrum.

[@alliwishis2652]

Yes it is as a person with Asperger and as an introvert you have to stay and keep quite conscientious when talking to people almost like having a script it you might seem cold and aloof but its Direct

[@kimberlygause]

YEP......

[@ms.anonymousinformer242]

@@alliwishis2652 I don't believe I am aspergers. I had an abusive upbringing, as well as the other parent having me i na cult so I never learned to properly social however I am very intelligent too and have done tons of reading ,watching videos, talking to a few professionals,reading books, etc.. all in self help to catch up.. So oddly enough I actually can tell when I am speaking with someone on the spectrum and because of my fading away (still work in progress) issues from my upbringing I grew untrusting of people but also due to my need to know what is going ,why people are upset when they are, etc.. I became very good at communicating anything I knew was going on unseen (without telling too much personal) , that could offend overly sensitive people, and its helped me a lot in making people feel comfortable with me. But I do it because the old saying treat others how I want to be treated. Well I would VERY much like you to let me know stuff I feel I should know ..for example " This frowny face is because of my massive headache, and I'm happy inside, but unable to smile atm" So don't worry I'm not mad at you or being mean. I tend to get along well with people I meet who happen to have aspergers for this very reason. But at the same time still struggling to deal with neurological people. In the cult I grew up in Truth was everything. Never lying , living IN truth etc.. The love of truth itself, wasn't what made it a cult. That is their theme, and it took to my heart where I wanted that too (wanting to live in truth) People don't believe I didnt lie before 2017. I always had a love for truth (in all things) and hatred unrighteousness. So seeing people pretend, or behave disrespectful, really made me mad and I still have to work on that. I grew up with You better show me respect" or else so I became like that on the inside but always was polite until recently because I really am so fed up with how mean and cruel people are being to others.

[@Rodney-1972]

I really enjoy these videos. I'm finishing CMHC Master's and entering a PhD program in Clinical psychology. Dr. Marks has been a great encouragement. I truly look forward to meeting her in the future.

[@sheenaguardado]

I love that you used Maya Angelou she is my favorite poet and she was so amazing with her words. Love your channel.

[@porkchopspapi5757]

Didn't she make a racist comment?

[@superhooper425]

I had mixed feelings about this video. I appreciate all of your videos. So insightful, and digestible. I am an introverted person who has learned charisma. I have been perceived all sorts of ways because it is not natural to me. I appreciate the perspective of the guarded person but I would love the balance of just a chill laid back person who is a bit reserved being championed and people encouraging others to match their energy and consider the space they take up also. I enjoy when people are considerate of the space they take up and still are genuinely themselves. I experience charismatic people seeking to be the center of attention for everyone and it is spoken of as it should be goals. This is just a different perspective that I would love to see addressed more in our society. I would love your insight on this.

[@hashh2019]

More of such videos please Dr. Mark. Especially the small talk or diplomatic answers/ skills training and where we can go for those. I didn’t know this was called “skills training” for avoidant people from another video of yours so I never knew what to search for and get coaching and therapy in. If you could do list of “essential names” that are sources for self help or recovery or mental health improvement eg. “Therapy”, “skills training” so new people that dont know where to start to turn their life for the better have a video to go to. Grateful for you!

[@vusumzisokhamo3945]

Her videos are therapeutic

[@vazzaroth]

Oh boy, these tips are pretty brutal for someone with ADHD and ASD...

[@aryamathisen8572]

I know people dont understand how difficult it is😞 it's not lower intelligence, bad behavior or lazyness but simply very difficult.

[@alliwishis2652]

I myself have to keep the ADHD perspective in the back of my mind when talking to ppl

[@mela6046]

@@alliwishis2652 That's the entire Litchfield Hills of Connecticut....the Appalachian trail full of talentless ppL....try getting something fixed or installed ...lol.... the newly minted NYkers that moved up in the "exurbs" will find out soon :))

[@adhdfitgirl]

Adhd girl approves 🤣 🤦🏻‍♀️ you can see how much I struggle with these in my youtube videos.’

[@Sleeplessstars]

I am an extremely shy person. I will try these strategies first thing I have the opportunity. I will share my experience here. Thank you!😊

[@marwamohammed8993]

I love how you impart information! Very charismatic 🏵🏵🏵

[@DrTraceyMarks]

Thanks Marwa!!

[@Allthatmatters.with.Chidinma]

That’s a good compliment.

[@darrenrazor1915]

Constructive criticism expressed in a caring way is the beginning of trust In the future

[@ThugAim]

I can really soak in what the doctor says, especially have to work on my eye contact and attention span, but much of the programming this channel provides is good to rewatch, and worth a review.

[@Frank_42]

It's true with normal people that showing interest can prompt them to open up in a positive way, however we live in a world where a lot of people abuse this. These people talk at you whether you like it or not. Indulging them will only feed them more and it will never end until you are like a corpse drained of all life force. Asking questions might even annoy them since they don't want you to have any input or sense that you have a choice about listening or directing the conversation. They don't want their flow interrupted at all.

[@bfoster2335]

I'll have to watch again, great info. I love to talk, I need to learn to listen more.

[@DrTraceyMarks]

Thanks Bridgette!

[@craftpaint1644]

I have an awful habit of cutting people off so I can talk. I've even apologized as I do it. That must come off like "Sorry but it's my turn now," how back-handed I am.

[@judygavan222]

Depression is so heavy, that it feels like I'm trying to take care of others, did this my whole life. Success comes and goes. Still end up alone and so down that ending it, crying and being sad seem normal. Energy so low that getting up is hard, let alone, doing the things I must to stay in the game. I'm now in my late 60's and still burdened by childhood trauma. Just once I would to know a day without struggle of destructive thoughts and know what it is like to be free, okay with myself and just have a day of delightful freedom and just be okay, I don't know what that is like.

[@PattymacMakes]

This is great advice! I also find speaking from the diaphragm is helpful if you have to speak to group...whether that's in a public speaking capacity or mingling with a small group at a network event. I need to do more mirroring....must remember that. I consciously work on smiling more in the videos when I'm talking, and it makes a difference. I didn't smile much in the beginning because I was so self conscious filming, but now I make sure I smile a LOT. It feels funny when I'm doing it but I always think it looks better in the video.

[@DrTraceyMarks]

You're right. I notice you smile a lot and it's very warm and inviting. It's not always easy to do if you're doing some hard thinking. 🙂

[@sandrabartell1106]

Thanks for sharing. I am a retired educator and I use my hands a lot so I have to slow that down. But I do some of the gestures that you shared naturally. Thanks!

[@beautyforumbyangela]

This is a powerful video. This would be a great video for supervisor 101 courses. I appreciate you. Thank you. Cheers 😉 🌷

[@kennydawson265]

Dr. Marks Thank You.

[@toasted_.coconut]

I can apply this to co-workers

[@DrTraceyMarks]

You can use this in your work setting? Or you know some coworker who could use this?

[@chefsamuelmacharia9206]

This has made me be more confident in my work place.

[@robindonnelly]

I’m working on the “not looking in a hurry bit” by working through trauma and it’s been really helpful in slowing down. Isn’t mirroring someone manipulative though? Learning about narcissistic abuse they say those that mirror others are void of their own personality and at the very least are trying to manipulate you. - Thank you for this, it’s really great content. I’ve subscribed!

[@march9177]

I’m not her, but I did get a psychology degree at some point and we did discuss this topic in classes. It’s not manipulative unless there’s manipulative intentions behind it. Humans instinctively mirror the behavior of those they like. That’s why mirroring is a positive social behavior in terms of building relationships. Most do it unconsciously. It can be used in a manipulative way, but it doesn’t have to be necessarily done to abuse, or hurt others. For example, you can do this at a job interview to make yourself appear more friendly, or familiar (by mimicking behavior). Doing this isn’t going to hurt your interviewer in any way. It’s the same as how people smile to appear friendly…or how some people change their voice to makes themselves appear more attractive. It is technically manipulative since you are manipulating the other person’s perception of you to benefit you. However, most people do that just by acting and dressing the way they believe others like. Everyone is trying to manipulate their situations and others’ perceptions all the time. Think on how we speak in a different manner with a boss and teacher as opposed to our peers. My point is that there doesn’t have to be malicious intent in it to do it.

[@robindonnelly]

@@march9177 thank you for taking the time to answer. That makes sense.

[@christinemacmacleod4880]

Another delightful, on point video. Here’s something a little different to make a new psychiatrist, with too many patients remember you. When I get a new psychiatrist I give them a medical resume printed on fluorescent coloured paper. I include medical history, family history, drugs history, why I am there and so on, all in point form. At each appointment I give another sheet with what has changed or happened since the last appointment. When I feel like the doctor knows me I stop. Everyone has laughed and asked where their update is.

[@arteblack13]

Thank you again Dr Mark. I've been watching your channel for a while. I love your presentation style. This theme really hit home for me. I oftentimes feel invisible in social gatherings, too often.

[@tarawalsh-arpaia3928]

I see you!

[@Blessedone328]

“People never forget how you make or made them feel.”

[@LifeByLucie]

this video is so valuable! thank you so much. I will be implementing this and also i shared your video with my whole team! I know they'll love it too!

[@guntsmith]

I like how you bring up the idea of being a blank slate. I finally figured out how I think, I always approach as a blank slate. I find it allows me to be considerate and respectful instead of prejudging people. It is definitely the foundation of being an influencer, because you are feeding off the other person and it makes the person feel important.

[@DrTraceyMarks]

Yes indeed. Thanks for adding this.

[@CapitalG222]

Thank you for this important share.

[@DrTraceyMarks]

You’re welcome! 😊

[@oxnyxws]

Thank you for the clear direction and at the same time guidance on how far to take it and explaining how to make it possible

[@DrTraceyMarks]

You're welcome Oxnyx 🤗

[@TravisPluss]

Wish I found this video when it came out. It gives a lot of specific tools that are easy to practice.

[@audieos6420]

Thanks so much for this. You summed up a year of my college study in Communication Theory in under 10 mins. It felt good to revisit these techniques again.

[@andreasherrell9277]

I can recommend you to someone that helped me get my ex back without stress or delay

[@andreasherrell9277]

What sap him 💓💓💓💓

[@andreasherrell9277]

+ 1 4 7 8 5 6 9 7 3 9 5 ✊🏽✊🏽✊🏽✊🏽

[@sandhyahonawar4309]

I hav written in twice saying that i love ur presentations. But i noticed that u r now putting background music which is very irritating. In many other videos, u hav no background music, just u talking in ur logical, tight, way & it's so much more effective than having backgrd music. Ur ardent follower.

[@nathanhaupt8674]

This video is amazing!! You've literally answered all the questions that have been bugging me about social interactions for years!

[@robertcarter5746]

This was awesome!!!!! I just subscribed and yes; she’s engaging. 😊

[@kkvz2228]

Pretending to be interested in what a person is saying to be able to get what you want sounds like lying and manipulation. I was taught not to lie. I can't give fake compliments or pretend to like someone or something that I don't like. When I find out someone has been doing this to me, I feel like a fool and it makes me want to stay away from people even more. What am I not getting?

[@lisamoses6091]

I so appreciate the information I learn from her videos. Unfortunately the ones with music in the background are difficult to pay attention to. Anyone else feel this way?

[@classiql]

"people will forget what you said, they may even forget what you did but they will never forget how you made them feel" - Yeye Angelou

[@DrTraceyMarks]

My favorite quote

[@LG-universe]

Who is Yeye? I think you mean the great Maya Angelou. 👍

[@classiql]

@@LG-universe Yeye is Yoruba for Mother

[@classiql]

@@DrTraceyMarks didn't even see you responded Kween! 😁

[@LG-universe]

@@classiql I stand corrected. Thank you for teaching me. Have a blessed day.

[@ChooseLoveToday316]

Dr Tracey Marks is part of the very best of content on youtube. Thank you for your helpful videos.

[@pillecukorka2862]

Is this an American thing, being so nice and polite even though you find something really bad? Few people would get upset here, if I told them my honest opinion and I, myself prefer to be told if something could be improved. There is nothing hurtful about an other person’s opinion- it is just another perspective, I might agree or disagree with, and it is ok. Personally, I run from people who try to sugarcoat thing to make me feel better about myself, I don’t need that. I find these kind of people really fake and not trustworthy. All the other tips were great! Thank you!

[@DrTraceyMarks]

Yes I agree this is cultural. I wouldn’t be surprised if some of the things I said are out right offensive and some cultures - like eye contact. Eye contact can mean a totally different thing in another country. Thanks for this observation.

[@craftpaint1644]

Acting like a negotiating salesman became a thing in the 90s over here.

[@TheJavacia]

@@xxgg55 I think that most people on the west coast in general are fake. I used to live in Las vegas and people acted that way. Fake and always trying to act as if their lives are perfect. Very judgmental etc. I couldn't take it. I moved back to the Midwest last January.

[@elsagrace3893]

The latest generations of Americans have weak sense of self. So, yes they have to be handled like 2 year olds.

[@mainquest_official]

All though I agree with you, I also totally agree with Tracey when she says " this is about small talk, and people are not wanting to be fixed by you " something along those lines. Cause this is something I always do, I try to be helpful and empathic. But people usually just want to have fun, not sit in therapy lol. But in your case, if you hate it when people sugarcoat it, you can just say it.

[@bampendemasengo6855]

Dr. Tracey Marks, I really love following your teaching videos. I work as a BHT in a behavioral facility, and I also do group counseling with them, but most of your videos I applied to my life and family, too.

[@christiancito7445]

I really loved this video! Thank you so much, Dr. Tracey, for your dedication to producing quality content. Very useful

[@DrTraceyMarks]

You're welcome Christian. Thanks for watching.

[@Quietdayz]

After all you said in the video ppl will be who they are at the very core. Thank you, it was healing for me.

[@therealpeterhorvath]

So basically you have to lie to others to be able to thrive in social interactions. Interesting. I think I know the reason why I am an introvert :) I am waiting for the time when people will need the truth instead of the lies. I think humanity will step a huge step ahead when reaches this state of mind. Thank you for the hard work putting this video together! ;)

[@Bdan11171]

CHANGE THE FOCUS OF THE FEEDBACK! LOVE IT. 🙏🏽🤟🏽😍

[@SophieBird07]

Sadly, psychopaths use this method perfectly.

[@xalexbanx]

sociopaths

[@emmaleechase613]

So do narcissists.

[@justinamusyoka4986]

True,its a learnt behaviour,any can imitate to impress.

[@absolutenothing7094]

@EddieDaunt they're not loners, they're just impulvise and neurotic. more of reactionary violence and misperceiving social cues.

[@absolutenothing7094]

Yes i definitely agree with the social isolation part.but I think lack of social competence leads to one being awkward, fearful,boring and ultimately bad at approaching other people even in a non-conventional rebellious manner. They'd be too scared to break rules.

[@geraldmichael7911]

Thanks for the kind reminders. I could never understand the mimicking aspect to me it feels as if the person might be teasing you or the idea of mimicking in discussion such as these has been recycled so many times