Husband Thinks My Attachment To My Cat Is Unhealthy So Secretly Gave Him Away r/Relationships

[@MalachioftheForest]

I can't believe he thought giving her cat away was a good idea. It always amazes me how emotionally stupid and selfish people can be. I'd be murderous if someone took my cats away.

[@ashh4929]

Right? That mother f*cker is lucky he walked away with all his body parts. The level of disrespect and backstabbing here is unforgettable.

[@tailsimp]

My first thought hearing the 'he gave me the cat fair and square' was "I suddenly understand murder"

[@JK-sh8rc]

Imagine a grown man being so insecure by his wife's cat that he gives it away and then lies about it. Outrageous. So glad OP got her cat back and is filing for divorce.

[@abluerainbow]

The way I would literally threaten to take away their arm or a leg for my pets if my s/o ever even THINKS about doing that lmao. Don't even care if I get jail time, it's my fucking pet, not yours~

[@llcdrdndgrbd]

Replace stupid and selfish with abusive.

[@PredictedCyborg]

The worst part of it for me is that he clearly lied about who had the cat, hoping that by the time she found out the truth, Benji would have already been adopted by someone else and thus she would NEVER get the cat back. How cruel!

[@spectralumbra1568]

Or, depending on the shelter, would have been put down before she had the chance to get him back. He could have killed her cat.

[@jamiesatyr1309]

Both are bent AF. 😮

[@idgarobingoodfellow]

"Adopted by someone else" That's the BEST case scenario. Do we know the soon to be ex husband made sure this was a no kill shelter? I don't think he even cares about the cat that much. And before you say "no one could be that evil", growing up, I had a neighbor who hated my dog (very sweet, but we lived in a very large gated neighborhood in a somewhat rural area with herds of wild deer, and he was a brittnay spaniel, so a deer hunting breed, and a particularly smart young, energetic dog who was very good at finding holes in our 1 acre fenced in backyard in order to chase after the deer, thats what she didn’t like). One day, my brother and I get home from school/my parents get home from work, and we can't find him. We search in the neighborhood for hours and hours, asked the gate guards if they saw him run out, printed posters with a reward, asked all of our neighbors (including her) if they had seen him, they all said no, we never got a call from the posters, we searched everywhere we could for 2 months, and we had almost given up and were half heartedly still looking on pet finder websites, but also just half heartedly looking for another dog to adopt, when we found an adoption listed from a hunting dog rescue group that was about a 2 hour drive away from us with a picture that looked a whole lot like our dog, and most of the details matched. So we called the number on the posting, talked to multiple people, and we mentioned that we weren't even sure it was really our dog, but if it was, he would have a spot in a particular place that wasn't visible in the photo, and that if you were petting his neck, you could feel a small, invisible from the outside lump of harmless scar tissue left over from a fight he lost with a raccoon a year prior (we had him checked out with the vet both at the time of the fight and when we noticed the lump, we loved that dog), and the rescue said they would get back to us, that there had been others who wanted to adopt him, and many more others who claimed he was their dog, and when they called us back, admitted that no one else could knew those 2 facts about him, that they knew we weren't lying about him being ours, and that because they didn't know the details of the scar tissue, they had it surgically removed and the other dogs at the foster home they had him in ended up infecting the wound. We ended up having to pay for the unnecessary surgery and his antibiotics (my dad calls that money the dog's "ransom" to this day) , but we got to bring him home, and got the details of what had happened. The lady lured our dog out of the backyard and into her car with treats, took his collar off, and drove him 2 counties away to the nearest 24 hour kill shelter, claimed he was a stray, and then signed her real name on the form to give him to the shelter, hoping we would spend all of the time we had looking for him nearby. Luckily, the rescue group found him and saved him before his deadline came up, and we found him from there, but she lied to our (me, 12, my brother, 10) faces and deliberately tried to get our dog killed after stealing him when nobody was home. (Don't worry, after this we adopted him a little brother to play with, he stopped running as much, and he died peacefully in his sleep at 16 years old in 2018, story takes place in late 2004)

[@MinionEnji]

​@@idgarobingoodfellow I know a bit about the Reddit comments from the OP and the husband just dumped it on a random shelter with no thought at all, and the shelter I have no information on. He didn't care and it was at random, to prevent the "easy: just call a big shelter" line of thinking.

[@shells500tutubo]

@@idgarobingoodfellow So what about the thief neighbor? Did nothing happen to her. Should have lured HER into the car and dumped her in the mountains.

[@HaleyJo1992]

Story 2: I hope brother's wife never goes through trauma. She won't have support from her husband.

[@mericawillis2338]

Or the parents in-law

[@Vipre-]

Oh no, see that'd be totally different because...I'm sure the brother would think of some reason.

[@peculiarpossum7149]

​@Vipre60000 if I had to guess it would be because he didn't "marry someone broken", she was hurt after they were already married

[@pippo17173]

The wife is gonna be so screwed if she ends up like kate in the later years. I can see why the brother turn out like this because the parents sure thinks its ok.

[@klaythoring1326]

When he flinches like he’s about to be hit every time someone raises their hand to him moving forward, maybe he’ll understand a SMALL FRACTION of how it feels to have no control of trauma responses. Also, she should try CBT/DBT it helps!

[@TheMimiSard]

First thought, before comments, call the police for a stolen pet. Husband gave away the cat under unlawful circumstances, so it would count as stolen. After update, also point charges at co-worker, for being an accessory to the theft. Glad Benji was found.

[@loganblackwood2922]

Kinda instantly pissed off at the guy without any further info on what's up.

[@PaintSplashProductions]

I second this!

[@katphish30]

Addendum: always microchip your pets, even indoor cats. Pets are considered property, and microchips are proof of ownership.

[@lonelypizzaslice4845]

Im wondering about that, since shes married and in many states property is shared, he might have full legal right to give the cat away depending on where they live.

[@maggpiprime954]

Thank you for this: Now I can listen to the story without worrying about the cat

[@Boundwithflame23]

“He gave the cat away fair and square” _The cat was not his to give away!_ As a cat owner, the first story infuriates me And then it turns out he lied and gave the cat to the shelter. Get your cat back. Throw the man out.

[@NotWorthBeans16]

Amen to this!

[@lady2550]

Coworker is a co-defendant

[@ivorynk752]

That's not fair at all?

[@Moonjellyfishcream]

@@NotWorthBeans16 b

[@Boundwithflame23]

@@ivorynk752 Ye I was quoting what the coworker said

[@LadyCeag840]

Story 1 (After Updates): NTA, and good for OP. I don't normally say this, but I was hoping this story was going to end in a divorce call. It wasn't JUST about the cat, it was the level of deceit and manipulation the husband was willing to go through just because he wasn't the center of OP's world for a couple of years. The husband was so jealous, he wouldn't even tolerate the love of a small cat? And, the Husband even roped his friend into this mess, somehow? Who does that?!

[@MinionEnji]

OP in the Reddit comments actually did say this was her line in the sand and very, very much divorce-able. The comments say she'll be trying to get a police report before divorce.

[@keplersdream901]

Men do. Hence why women shouldn’t fuck or marry them.

[@LunaMane]

I hope that friend starts distancing themselves from the husband, too. He sounds like someone who'd rope you in as a party at fault in a major collision somehow.

[@TheGrmany69]

A narc would do that.

[@victorvaldez8869]

@@LunaMane remember the co-worker wasn't even involved & may not even be that close to the husband at work really either. The husband just used them to be a lie to make sure OP didn't start checking the shelters. I wouldn't be surprised if he made up the "given to a co-worker" lie to try to KEEP her from checking the shelters. I wouldn't be surprised if this tale gets around the office & impacts the husband's career because I wouldn't be comfortable with someone with that capability for deception being in any role that requires trust at my job. If you were that guy's boss knowing he could lie like that to his wife, trust him not to lie on evaluation reports & not skim profits for himself in your job?

[@hothotheat3000]

Story 2: I feel horrible for Kate, and for the cousin, who didn’t mean to cause her harm. The brother is a piece of trash.

[@poohbear4515]

I’m with you on that. I would’ve punched him, too. What he said was truly insensitive towards Kate and cousin, if I was his bride, I’d think twice on the marriage for how horribly cruel he was. The family are just insensitive assholes.

[@BruinPhD2009]

Brother is several levels lower than trash. I hope his new wife is paying attention, because she should know that her husband is not likely to support her if anything traumatic comes her way. Don’t even get me started on those parents…

[@tiffanyhaddox7499]

Throw all 3 away into a burn pile. They don’t and won’t care about Kate, but at some point the “parents” are going to realize that they aren’t getting Grandbaby info and make another stink about it.

[@sparklemotion8377]

@@tiffanyhaddox7499 Who died and made Kate the centre of the universe?

[@LunaP1]

​@@BruinPhD2009 I was thinking that, too. OP or Kate should secretly warn her that he might treat her the same way if something happened to her.

[@platinum_noelle]

I saw the title and immediately said, "nope, no, done, divorce. Absolutely not, throw the whole man away" 😂 As for the brother in the 2nd story, "he had it coming, he had it coming, he only had himself to blame🎶"

[@christinedaae1986]

“If you’d have been there, if you’d have seen it, betcha you would have done the same”!

[@beautybard]

I thought for a second thought the thumbnail meant she gave the husband away and I was like, "yeah.. sounds reasonable."

[@wafflestoast4546]

im furious about first story. Instead of getting OP therapy sessions, he chose to get rid of the thing keeping her somewhat sane? hope word spreads about what he does, he shouldnt have another relationship, nobody deserves to suffer like op did.

[@Heydodoakskdkdjf]

Yup. Hubby was likely more concerned about how “weird” OP was and how embarrassed he felt than he was about her mental health. There were other solutions to this problem but he only wanted control, not resolution. I hope OP gets the therapy she needs AND creates a healthier bond with Benji. To say that her father reincarnated as a cat is actually quite offensive (most systems of religion see reincarnation as an animal as a way to make up for bad karma) and also unfair to Benji, who has different needs from a human.

[@thomasplummer8103]

I mean, yeah, the ex was right about it being unhealthy and a bit off, but the solution is not to just steal the cat. that's at least as crazy as whatever he was trying to "fix".

[@thomasjoseph5876]

@@Heydodoakskdkdjf I'm thinking there is a lot more to the mental health aspect and how the cat is situated in all of that than the OP is allowing us to know. Given that, you still don't take the pet and give it away or to the shelter UNLESS it poses an actual risk to someone in the family.

[@pippo17173]

Ya I notice that too. Husband now ex has a point about saying that but he ended showing he is way worst in thinking then his now ex wife. Ya what could of been a chance to talk about therapy and how to move forward, turn into a trash fire where the husband is showing how he doesn't think on the consequences ahead of time.

[@kathleenmayhorne3183]

Complete disrespect of his wife's rights, feelings and choices, and animal abuse. Could he really be surprised at ending up thrown out himself?

[@impishrebel5969]

I brought a cat into my marriage. We had her together about two years before she passed from cancer. I kept waking up in the middle of the night seeing my husband crying at the end of the bed. If a husband doesn't feel that way about your cat, then toss the husband out.

[@thebigmystery7841]

I adopted a cat as well, and my husband wasnt a fan of cats. Two years later she passed because of an underlying condition we had no information on. He still sometimes cries with me, missing his 'baby girl'. Im so glad she divorced him. Imagine having kids with a man who could be so cruel about a cat....

[@mercyjokes2d696]

My Ex tried to stop my elderly Jayne Russell Terrier from sleeping in my bed. He's an Ex and sadly, my darling dog died peacefully from old age, I was able to adopt again. Our cats and dogs are family. My Kiddo knows that if push came to shove, Kiddo would be tied to a lamp-post outside the local RSPCA centre and the dog and I wouldn't look back!

[@babybookworm003]

I honestly saw the beginning of a controlling Abusive Relationship obviously op must’ve to because she got out

[@Oicurmtoyoy]

Story 1: Gave him away "fair and square" he says? What's fair about that? I mean, even ignoring that it's a living creature with it's own emotions and bonds, it's still stolen property.

[@ameliapond8384]

Story two: Op posted a very small update an hour ago. He said that his brother hasn't apologized, but the rest of his family has. His wife has given birth and things are going well.

[@strangelic4234]

Brother and parents haven't. Maybe the parents will come around now, after birth, but honestly, I'd think twice to let them in now

[@cambriaofthevastoceans6721]

My mom's first husband had two of her dogs euthanized while she was at work. Bless her heart, she only divorced him and didn't murder him.

[@achocolatebiscuit5087]

Dear lord.... some evil stuff I hope your mom's with someone better now

[@cambriaofthevastoceans6721]

@@achocolatebiscuit5087 lol, my dad is weird, doesn't get along with anyone, and drives her nuts. They haven't been a couple since i was a child, so idk how much better he was, but he at least never put down one of our dogs.

[@animefallenangel]

Story 2 ended happily, but I worry there'll be a continuation where the parents at the very least will only pretend to make amends to get into the granddaughters' lives after their born but still treat Kate terribly.

[@sonialinsey8083]

I’m sorry but if you’re that messed up you shouldn’t have kids.

[@MsUnamusedNerd]

DON’T👏GIVE👏AWAY👏YOUR👏PARTNER’S👏PETS👏

[@johnathangreay987]

Yeah no shit. I love my exgirlfriend's cat. The problem is the cat is always comeback to my house. The exgirlfriend cheated. And she thought I stole the cat. The cat loves me. And he won't stay with my girlfriend's house. I'm not sure what to do. I maybe half to move.

[@KitsuneADestiny]

Your partner will turn into John Wick

[@johnathangreay987]

@@KitsuneADestiny John Wick? No, no, no. More like Xena Warrior Princess. I love the cat but it won't stay put. I wish I never answered the love note I got from the exgirlfriend.

[@babybookworm003]

Story 1 time to rehome the husband

[@wafflestoast4546]

dont give that generosity, toss his ass out.

[@NotWorthBeans16]

Lol

[@messinalyle4030]

Rehome him and also get him "fixed."

[@whitneybennett4857]

@@messinalyle4030 I don't see much point in it, considering I doubt anyone would want to breed with that thing anyway.

[@messinalyle4030]

@@whitneybennett4857 Lol! Well, OP wanted to breed with him--or at least have sex with him--until he did what he did. If he could trick her into thinking he was worthy of marrying, he could trick other women, too. Might as well "nip in the bud" any chance of "that thing" spreading his genetic material or inflicting his system of values on the next generation. Not to mention save other women from having to deal with him by making him a lot less "valuable" on the marriage market.

[@LordBison98]

Story 1: Not only I would dump that piece of garbage husband I would also call the police on him and the coworker, AND would call the company. Story 2: Oh my god, poor Kate... She doesn't deserve this treatment, but I'm so happy OP's sisters stood up for her.

[@victorvaldez8869]

Remember, the "given to a coworker" was a straight up lie, probably to keep OP from calling the shelters & actually finding her cat. The coworker had NO idea what OP was talking about, so it was probably the husband CLAIMING that the coworker said that they wouldn't give it back. Glad to hear in the update that OP did dump the husband, because that level of deception is dangerous to keep around & I hope the company is aware as they will probably want to keep him away from positions of authority & sensitive information.

[@fragglegoth]

@@victorvaldez8869 No, she rang the coworker and it was him who said he wouldn't give it back. He was in on it too. It was the coworker's wife who had no idea what she was talking about. I would get them both fired if I were OP.

[@AndyyWithAY]

I wonder if it was a kill shelter 🤔 The way OP's soon to be ex husband said the cat was with X coworker, let OP go to them and waste time. Like he was trying to let the clock down until Benji was put down😭

[@mortimerbrewster3671]

I don't know a lot about shelters but I think the kill shelters are not quick on the trigger, so to speak. The cat would have only been there a short time and hubby had to have known she would track him down long before the termination deadline. I doubt he was thinking much at all.

[@kathleenmcfarlane2555]

Story 2: The update made the throwing of the punch so much more understandable. He was protecting his entire family with that punch. OP's Mom should come around with the news of the twins.

[@strangelic4234]

There was a small update on reddit, an hour after your post lol. The parents didn't come around but the babies have just been born and are healthy. OP asks for ideas for two gift baskets, one for the babies and one for his wife with items that "help her keep in touch with her individuality". Ya know, I'm a straight male but I'd marry that guy 😊

[@owl7072]

Story 2: Kate: _literally having a panic attack_ The brother, for some reason: _yelling at her as if that's gonna somehow make her feel less scared and stop panicking_ Yeah, he deserved a good punch, perhaps a solid second and third one just to really drive the point home for what he said after.

[@triciad4100]

Lol right? When I was a severely depressed teenager, my father would "help" by chasing me to the bathroom I was hiding in and trying to break down the door while screaming about how worthless, disrespectful, etc. I was. Spoiler alert: this was not terribly helpful. 🙃

[@owl7072]

@lks6248 plenty of people having panic attacks can't choose when and where they happen/how intense. I say this as someone who gets seriously scared by sudden loud noises and experienced an event in high school where people came into the class I was in playing a trumpet and crashing cymbals to announce honor roll students, and I went into a state of shock for an hour and didn't react until the following class where I ended up having a panic attack so bad I had to _leave the room._ Plus, what makes you think yelling at someone who's clearly already panicking will make it any better?

[@williamcassity5572]

​@@owl7072that wasn't a panic attack if it put you into shock, panic attack are bad but you people need to learn they are just terrifying not life threatening

[@owl7072]

@@williamcassity5572 I've had panic attacks before that. I think I'd know what is or isn't one.

[@williamcassity5572]

@@owl7072 I was diagnosed 15 years ago with chronic panic attacks recently was informed by a new primary I was mis diagnosed and have muscle hypertrophy of my heart which cause panic attack like moments with the exception that they are life threating

[@katybee3505]

Story 1: If it doesn’t hurt her case in the divorce, she should call the husband and coworkers workplace and make them aware that the husband stole her cat and coworker helped him cover it up.

[@tamsel814]

Why would anyone thinks that it's okay to give away someone's elses/or a family pet? That's clearly somethings the owner /all owners need to agree on. Edit: believing that the cat is the dads reincarnation does sound odd and could be a concern if taken too far.

[@pippo17173]

Honestly even after that, the now ex husband shouldn't have lied and tried to give the cat away. You can say there some conerns you have but do this that crap.

[@annienunyabiz6627]

That's my fear. Believing that's her dad means she's kicked the can down the road on truly grieving, and having to grieve again when Benji inevitably dies. The husband is a dickhead for taking the cat for multiple reasons, not least of which that he could have caused her severe trauma since she thinks that's her dad he just gave away, but he wasn't completely wrong about the belief being troubling. She needs grief therapy, one less husband, and to keep the cat.

[@FreijaVanir]

If I am concerned that my SO believes that his cat is his dad, I would recommend some therapy, not steal his emotional support and torture him.

[@meiwa2020]

​@@FreijaVanir 💯💯💯💯

[@jstar1054]

Given she didn't mention doing anything too different than being attached to a pet it isn't a dangerous delusion that needs intervention. For me it's kind of how I view others being religious since I'm not, as long as they aren't doing anything to hurt anyone and it brings them peace people can believe what they want it may be crazy on paper but it helps them so judging them is honestly not helping anyone. That being said we only have her side of how she expresses it, but given that the husband lied about where the cat was I'm not giving him too much credit.

[@sprint7412]

I'm worried how she'll react when her cat dies. If she views the cat as her father then it can open up that old wound from when her father died. It almost seems like she hasn't grieved and instead found a replacement for her father. I hope she gets therapy.

[@HackiePuffs]

She knows that it’s not really that but it’s a nice thought that gives her comfort and helps her cope. Calm down a little

[@sprint7412]

@@HackiePuffs My points still stands that when the cat dies, it could trigger her depression allover again. So it would be best for her to get therapy now instead of when she hits rock-bottom.

[@SpicyDragoon]

@@sprint7412I think the only thing is to cross that bridge when she comes to it. The husband doing what he did doesn’t magically make things better, he doesn’t get to decide when she should be over something. He’s controlling.

[@sprint7412]

@@SpicyDragoon Yeah, the husband shouldn't have gotten rid of the cat. He should have known it wouldn't have helped his wife and getting rid of the cat would have possibly sent her into a deep depression. She still would benefit from therapy to help her grieve the loss of her father and now to deal with this massive betrayal in trust.

[@void9938]

Yes. She's just putting the grief off, not actually handling it.

[@CarinaCoffee]

Story 2 man, I echo the people that said they hope to one day meet a person who will love them the way he loves her. It's honestly so faith in humanity restoring to hear of people with empathy.

[@balanc-joy9187]

17:29 It makes me almost cry that the two of them _didn't_ expect support and love to the degree they got. They are the furthest thing from bad in this, the brother and parents are disgusting. Also, what was mentioned earlier is so true it hurts, "Forgiveness is _earned"_

[@rebeccay480]

1st story: My cat Pumpkin has been basically my emotional support animal since my grandmother and childhood cat passed away within days of each other. She came into our lives just before my grandma got really sick. My senior cat basically adopted Pumpkin and treated her like she was HIS kitten. After they passed, Pumpkin has been my comfort. She went missing for 24 hours(I'm pretty sure some people who were staying with us took and hid her in their trailer. I was sure I was hearing her meow inside it). I had a panic attack, insomnia. I was a wreck because it was days after my grandma and senior cat had passed and I was worried that I was facing another loss. She somehow 'magically' reappeared in our house. But relating back to the story, I would never forgive anyone who just GAVE my cat away, especially one that is my comfort after a trauma/ loss. No one needs a man like that in their life. Divorce him, he can die mad. Story 2 NTA: omfg no contact, no contact, no contact. Forget them and their judgemental opinions. She was traumatized, triggered and its 100% not her fault.

[@karachristen6484]

11:20 flashbacks really do feel very uncomfortably real. I’ve only had one fully fledged visual flashback and it SUCKED. I’ve had plenty of panic attacks, and it is really difficult to hold them back. Especially if the trigger catches you off guard like that

[@LouisTheBlackCat]

Story 1 *REHOME THE WHOLE HUSBAND*

[@candypettynettie487]

May the claws of 1,000,000 cats claw at him daily.

[@juanhaines7295]

Story 2 nta op is such a good husband. The brother brought it on himself for what he said.

[@HobieInTheBox]

Story 1: I hope OP listened to that comment, and probably several more comments about grief counselling. They're right, believing your cat is a reincarnated dead relative is something completely else.

[@twilightsparkle75]

people circumvent death and grief in many ways. some people use reincarnation, some prefer to just ignore it, others like christians believe in heaven and believe they will see their loved ones again. i think heaven is just as absurd as reincarnation, but i dont think i would tell someone they need therapy just cause i dont agree with what they believe in.

[@Uneclipsed]

It’s weird, yes, but unless the delusion is resulting in maladaptive behaviors, there isn’t any real reason to intervene. Plenty of people believe in reincarnation and if it helps her process her grief for her father, I don’t see the harm. Sure, it’s uncomfortable to think about, but it’s actually not much different from believing in guardian angels, or totems, or spirits etc… and it’s not like she’s hearing the cat talk.

[@Swnsasy]

My husband said, THIS IS DIVORCE TERRITORY!! We both have never in our 40 decades on earth ever had a cat.. Nadia, Tortie, found us.. She followed us, KNEW, SHE KNEW when my husband was going to leave for work and come home.. The day she put a dead mouse on our doorstep, we turn to look and we just see 2 ears, I opened the door and said, come on... She's been our baby for 4 happy years.. I'm allergic, got 2 chest infection all because of her but guess what, I'm taking medicine and use a nebulizer... I'm not getting rid of my baby girl!!! She's with us for LIFE!!

[@loganblackwood2922]

Wow, I always think it is a shame people like you have your biology turn on you. To love a creature your body doesn't is really something. Hope your allergies aren't too bad.

[@stevebanner5609]

Story 2: my wife and I both said we would protect each other to the death if need be-love like this is very rare and I can see OP & Kate have that, others will not understand the depth of that kind of love as I believe it’s a once in a lifetime kind of true love…

[@JayeEllis]

Story 1: That is an offense so severe, I would leave the partner, and at least consider pressing charges. You absolutely DO NOT get between me and my cat!

[@vitterling]

Story 2 - "The brother didn't sign up for dealing with that" may be true, and I wouldn't expect someone to know how to, and be willing to, actively help in that situation. But nothing excuses actively making the situation WORSE by yelling and being an absolute tool. I would expect someone to NOT do that, even to a perfect stranger.

[@jackspring7709]

TBH something sounds very off about that whole story. OP was way too vague on what that panic attack was exactly - but, reading between the lines, it sounds to me like she attacked the guest. Something just sounds very strange about the whole thing. I also note that she's not in therapy, which I find doubly odd. I know we've heard OP's version of it but something about it doesn't smell right.

[@Slifer-yq8ep]

​@Jack Spring same I thought the same. And to be honest if she is constantly having these attacks and doing this whenever they get together. I can see why they are over it. I get it she can't control it but I would stop inviting them to things. If she this unstable she needs therapy. She's not okay clearly but its not the the other families Job to deal with this if is she not trying to get better on her own.

[@amandasundwall4171]

​@Slifer7564 if you were paying attention to the update it said that they were planning to talk to their therapist about what happened which says that they Are in therapy

[@BruinPhD2009]

@@amandasundwall4171 Exactly. The update was clear that OP and Kate are in therapy to deal with this issue, so yes, they ARE taking the steps to manage this trauma. Also (and correct me if I’m wrong), didn’t OP say she hadn’t had any major panic attacks in quite some time? So, this event would seem to be a bit isolated, and not something that happened every time the family got together. I’m a survivor of childhood sexual abuse. For the many years, I behaved a certain way without making the connection. When I first sought therapy for it, I initially had more outward panic attacks that ranged from catatonic to rage BECAUSE I had to confront the damage that was done. I rarely have any overt issues these days, but sometimes I still wake up feeling like my head isn’t attached to my body, and I know the source and how to better manage it. No one in their right mind wants to go through that; no one SHOULD EVER have to go through that.

[@PuppyKatt]

@@jackspring7709 Kate was said more than once. To have a male land face-down ON TOP OF HER would bring back instant bad memories. Therapy or not, terror like that is going to get brought back to the surface. What happened to Kate a couple of times happened to me more than once, when I was in my early teens. My marriages fell apart when my husbands became abusive, because I shook in fear every time they tried to touch me. I am in my mid 60's now, single, and I stay as far away from men as I can get. Therapy? Yes. Helpful? To a point. I no longer go into panic mode when I SEE a man, but I sure as heck do when an unfamiliar man gets too close to me. I freak out, shake, cry, and if not frozen in fear, I flee. This is something that CANNOT BE CURED, ONLY TREATED, and treatments can only go so far.

[@sarahmaxima]

Fuck that second story hit too close to home. Op and Kate give me hope that this will get better. Hearing someone say people are not broken because because of what we went trough realy hit me hard becase i cant seem to stop feeling that i am. Brother,sil and ops parents dont deserve forgivness until they provide a sincere appology where they say what they did wrong.

[@garystewart2355]

Someone receiving stolen goods is also a crime

[@hiftu]

Story 2: His brother still have to learn the power of the sentence: "Can I help you?" That makes difficult situations so much easier.

[@kathleenmcfarlane2555]

Story 2: OP is not the A-hole. His brother had a right to be upset, but he didn't have a right to have a tantrum and bully a traumatized woman. Stuff happens. Weddings are not perfect. Something always goes a little or a lot wrong.part of being an adult is knowing how to roll with the punches. Make sure everyone is okay and then make light of the situation so the good times can go on. Hug it out with the person who needed comfort. Let them know it's alright so they feel less awkward.

[@TheMimiSard]

Story 2 - A weird association I had to this story is a line out of a fanfic where one character, going through a very bad thing tha threatens to kill him, says that a friend of theirs doesn't get that he is trying to stay standing, when the friend was willing to be forced to his knees. I think why it came to mind is that I think Kate is standing up strait, despite her traumas, when OP's family are mistaking her as being pushed to her knees. OP is the one who can see she is on her feet, standing as straight as she is capable.

[@sparklemotion8377]

Is she though? She sounds more like a pet project than a wife

[@TheMimiSard]

@@sparklemotion8377 OP is helping her stay on her metaphorical feet.

[@Fenrislokisonsuncut]

@@sparklemotion8377 kinda the vibes I got

[@damien678]

​@@sparklemotion8377 I'd be dead if I didn't have a partner like OP. I would bet good money Kate feels similarly

[@sparklemotion8377]

@Damien That means your trauma is codependency. That is a very unhealthy attitude to have. It's the kind of attitude that keeps people in toxic relationships. If you can't function without a partner, do you think it's a good idea yo get pregnant?

[@cjandauntieyaya1446]

I would go scorched earth. Get your paperwork together and call the police about stolen property.

[@incineroar9933]

Go after the lying coworker as well.

[@ladyofrillwater]

I have two cats. I was there when they were born and all three of us are deeply bonded, not through trauma or anything, but they're definitely emotional support animals in all but name because I have a lot of mental health stuff after being in the USAF and working under a verbally and emotionally abusive flight chief. If I had a significant other who decided to just. Give them away behind my back? We'd be done. Over. Never speak to me again, never look at me again, so long, get your shit together, put in a backpack, take your shit, get the fuck out.

[@o0BlackSand0o]

Story 2: I have panic attacks and flashbacks. The first time I had a panic attack in front of my in-laws I expected then to think I was pathetic. It was over them singing happy birthday loudly ffs. The moment I started crying and setting away from them they looked to my husband and he explained. They all shut up, waited till I calmed down, then apologised. Because they are empathic people who love me, unlike OP's family. Having trauma like this can make you feel like crap without being triggered and having AHs treat us like this sucks

[@abvhrulz]

If someone gave my pet away under any circumstances I’d go John Wick so fast.

[@UchuKejiMovan]

Woke up to a warranted divorce story. 🍿 ready and NTA

[@Mesa4u2nv]

Story 2: Where can I find a man that's so emotionally intelligent and in my corner as OP? All the drama aside the love story is a beautiful one.

[@ellorasg4525]

Story 1: You can always tell who is a good person and who is not by observing how they treat animals.

[@juliemcgugan1244]

Husband: "I gave your cat away. Your bond is weird and I don't want him around anymore." Me: "So, you have chosen death..."

[@ItsYaBoiV]

OP in story 2 sounds like a wonderful person. I feel so bad for his wife. It must be so hard not to turn that trauma in on herself, as if it's her fault, and people like the BIL must make it so much worse. How you respond to trauma like that is in no way your fault!

[@DrownedInExile]

S1: (Homicidal John Wick-level rage rising) Keep the cat and rehome the husband! I'm so glad OP got the kitty back.

[@messinalyle4030]

#2: Yeah, brother needed a good punch to the face for what he said. I wouldn't be above punching the parents, too.

[@serpentmaster1323]

Story2: The way they talk about each other is so incredibly wholesome. I always love it when someone else from the story responds. Just hearing how they organize the events and people in their brain differently is always fascinating, but hearing an actual OTP talk about each other has been the most heartwarming thing Ive heard from a reddit story in a while

[@podunk_woman]

People really need to understand PTSD. It isn't delusion, it isn't weak, it isn't fake. It takes work and time to overcome the reactions. Brother only made it worse. I've heard some really ignorant takes on PTSD , but this one really takes the cake. The wedding cake even.

[@Boundwithflame23]

Wouldn’t surprise me if the brother is one of those people who thinks only war veterans can get PTSD

[@shadowdemon2272]

Story 1: reminds me of the story (I think there's even been more than one) of the guy who trashed/burned his GF's security blanket and couldn't figure out why she was upset and broke up with him. It frightens me how common this scenario apparently is...

[@youarehere594]

First story, I agree with the commenter who stated OP definitely needs to go to grief counseling. My cats have been a source of comfort many a time over the year, but they get old and if she continues to hold onto this, its going to be even more devastating to her. Having said that, someone should tell the hubby that there are better ways to blow up your marriage. There is no going beyond this. I wish OP the best.

[@jenniferkay9789]

My cat was my deceased daughter. She even came, when I would sing "The Lion Sleeps Tonight". I sang that song, for my daughter, while she was in the hospital. She passed, last year.

[@winterkind1772]

I only read the title and I was already screaming! You touch my cat and I will become the Hulk.

[@joeschmo622]

Everyone seems to be forgetting that the cow-orker went along with the husband in implying he has the cat, who was "given away fair and square" when in fact he didn't even have the cat. I'd *still* call the company to let them know what a shining example of humanity they have working there, even implying that I'd identify the company. Screw that guy, let him get fired. Anyone did anything to any of my cats, I'd go all John Wick on them.

[@Lholt5647]

Story 1: I am so glad you got your cat back, and I am so sorry for all that you went through. While grief counseling is a good idea, I see nothing wrong with perceiving your dad thru your cat. The universe is a vast and mysterious place And who’s to say how are loved ones are able to comfort us ? My mom has been gone 20 years but “stops by” from time to time via my 17-year-old cat! I feel her very strongly sometimes, and I will even say, “is my mama with you?” it is eerie and comforting at the same time. I pray to God to help me out with this, but I don’t question it harshly as it is a gift!

[@caseyjude5472]

Can’t forgive someone who doesn’t apologize or feel sorry about what they’ve done.

[@Phrancieee]

Story 2: I am swooning over OP 😂 He sounds like such a wonderful and supportive husband

[@droid2645]

Well, The broken nose is just a memorable part of his other wise wonderful day.. good job OP

[@sandeesandwich2180]

S1: Um. What is there to say? Husband is beyond a jerk. Glad to see that this is the dealbreaker that it is. S2: I think I have something in my eye! If OP wants to forgive his brother and parents, fine. But it's doubtful that they are going to change their opinion, even if they say all the right words. Some distance there is probably the healthiest course.

[@evarodriguez4319]

Boundaries. Story 2. Never put up with someone who is stomping on your family. Make boundaries strong and clear.

[@OhHeyItIsNano]

Story 2: Hard NTA. Even IF you were, it would be very justified. Kudos for you for backing your Wife up. 👍 Edit: Glad to hear them from the updates. Hearing enough AITA's taught me that titles can be and are easily be misleading. 😅😎🙏

[@susankaempfer8427]

I would have straight up called the cops.

[@DoomChibi99]

All I can say is if my cat was given away without my knowing, I'd go full scorched earth. Glad to hear OP got her boy back.

[@caleighkaiser2714]

Mark, these videos always bring me so much joy in my mornings, I have been listening to you since the Daddy Cringe days! And I love where your channel has gone and the person you are. You's gotten me through some rough times, thanks for makin life more livable ❤

[@bricksloth6920]

First thought, just reading the title, call the cops and file for divorce

[@candypettynettie487]

S1- Throw the whole husband away! My boyfriend has 2 cats that drive me insane, but I see his love for them. After so many losses between 2020 & 2022 (including losing our beloved dog) I wouldn't dare separate them. S2- I hope the brothers nose heals wrong. Op should've known that his family would view his wife that way. They made it known from the beginning.

[@KisameOwnsYouAll]

s2; I love how after throwing an absolute bitch-fit the brother cried after getting hit. What a fragile little boy.

[@owl7072]

Story 1: Time to rehome the husband ❤️ If someone were to take any pet of mine, let alone my cat who is clingy as all hell and I love with my entire being, and give it away for ANY reason let alone cause they thought the attachment was unhealthy, I'd tell them their attachment to _life_ was unhealthy and end them, then attend their funeral with said pet. (For legal reasons, I'm joking) -(Possibly)-

[@adelaide201]

I remember when the original post dropped and I was so afraid for OP and the cat. I'm extremely relieved that they're both alright and doing okay!

[@stevebanner5609]

Comment 2, story 1: trust has been dissolved in this marriage. I bet there have been other breaches of trust bu hubs. Also, get therapy-go to one you find comfortable with and mention your cat; at some point the therapist may want you to bring the cat with you to observe the relationship…

[@frostnovaomega1152]

this was the worst hustband ever, immediately followed up by the best husband ever.

[@ashh4929]

Story 2: Holy shit dude, I have no words. Op you rock, you are the definition of a real man, the best balance of kindness & emotional maturity, yet badass enough to defend an innocent person you love. Kate you're a damn rock star, and please be proud of jumping so many hurdles that you never should have been faced with in the first place. It is so hard to crawl out of that darkness and to keep your goodwill to others. The brother deserves to cry like a little bitch and he, SIL and your parents sound absolutely disgusting. Just a very small amount of understanding and kindness would have moved mountains here. Congratulations on your new tiny addition, wishing you and Kate all the best!

[@sherrygibbs7547]

❤❤❤❤❤❤ to Kate and Evren. May they have a long, healthy and happy life together. Stay positive, stay strong, Kate.

[@BruinPhD2009]

Story 1: does it ever occur to people like OP’s husband that they’re giving away a living being? There may be circumstances where giving away a living being is the right thing to do, but never without discussing it with the person who has a real concern for that living being. The husband was beyond callous and cruel.

[@babybookworm003]

Abusers don’t care

[@browniewin4121]

1) This would be grounds for divorce if not murder. OP is entitled to have her cat as her best friend and a comfort to her. Her idea might be crazy, but it is harmless and helpful crazy to cope with the death of her father, but some personal grief therapy sounds like it would be in order. For the husband to think this was in any way an ok thing to do is absolutely disgusting and cruel. OP should call the police and file a report on her cat being stolen and the person who has it refusing to give it back. After update: I'm glad OP filed a police report. Wow, OP's husband lied and lied again and didn't give a shit about the cat or his wife. I am glad her cat is now safe, and OP has her sister to help her. 2) I'm so glad OP's wife has gotten the help she needed after the horrible things that happened to her. I think OP is right that this wouldn't have been such a big deal and would have been better had the brother not gotten nasty. OP is also right that if his brother has such a horrible attitude and so little compassion it's best to cut him out of their lives. NTA. After update from OP's wife and OP: I'm glad she got comfort and support from strangers, so much more than from her BIL. She is such a sweetheart. It is wonderful that OP is so loving and supportive. I think it was a good idea to write letters to his brother and parents to say how he feels and what would be required for them to have an ongoing relationship. What happy news that they are expecting their first child. I wish them all well and much happiness.

[@Weirdandwonderfull19]

S1- Am in tears for OP. Hope OP gets the police involved and dumps that husband. His actions have just proven that he has absolutely no trouble causing her severe pain just for his own convenience. He doesn't care about OPs feelings, just his own. He knew how much rehoming her cat would hurt OP, he just didn't care. What a crappy person he is, he's a rotten apple.SS1- EDIT. I'm crying again with happiness, so glad she got her baby back 🖤💜. I know what it's like to have an incredible bond with a cat. I have 3, sadly lost one last year suddenly to a previously undetected heart issue. Her younger sister died 3 weeks ago on Monday due to age related health issues. She passed away at the vets, in my arms with her head on my chest 😭. I can't describe how much I love my cats, I don't have close family, they ARE my family (along with my dog if course ). I also lost one of my dogs in 2020 to cancer, and my elderly JR in 2018 to canine dementia. Losing my furry family members absolutely crushes me, I can't put into words how heartbroken I am. I understand what OP is going through, the pain, and it's making me tear up 😭😭.

[@marthas.4456]

My dad was like OP's husband.... he never understood other people's feelings.

[@Weirdandwonderfull19]

@@marthas.4456 I'm sad to say mine was too ☹️. During the day he was a nice guy, but every evening the scotch or vodka would come out and he would turn into a different person ☹️. I'm sorry your dad was like OPs horrible (hopefully ex) husband. Sending Internet hugs xx

[@marthas.4456]

@@Weirdandwonderfull19 thank you. I wish the best for you... In my another comment I wrote my dad did exactly same to me with my mum's agreement. They gave away my cat when I was on holiday. My mum later regretted it but my father never could understand how important the cat was for me. I now realise he has got some kind of emotional impairment. He never was alcoholic but his dad (my grandfather) was a heavy drinker and a tyrant in the family.

[@TheNormExperience]

I legitimately started silently happy clapping my hands together in joy when I heard OP and Kate share their great news in the update! It SUCKS being the one who requires extra care or attention, due to issues that are not your fault, in a relationship, because you want to be able to give your partner the same they give you - BUT finding that person who really sees, understands, accepts and loves every part of you (even the ones you might not) - that good somehow outshines the bad that may have occurred in the years leading up to you finding them. Because the easy AND the hardships we live through make us who we are - and when the person you love more than anyone else in the world loves every bit of who you are and what your life made you, and can see strength where you saw only hardship, it can almost help you see yourself through their eyes. Think about it like this; if THAT amazing a person loves you, it stands to reason that means you must be pretty amazing too, right???

[@dianemartel5205]

Story 2: Forgive the incident, but never forget. We all need to forgive in order to free ourselves from the anger. Holding a grudge is like eating poison and then expecting the object of the grudge to sicken and die.

[@sister_bertrille911]

Some things cannot be forgiven. That isn't the same as holding a grudge, as long as you don't stew over it.

[@HobieInTheBox]

This wouldn't be holding a grudge though. This is OPs family showing him just how insensitive they are towards people like Kate. And they refuse to learn or be better because it has come this point, where the brother yells at a poor woman having flashbacks and a panic attack. They don't want to be better. OP is better off with NC

[@Someone-or8tp]

The only people who say stuff like that are the people who have done similar mistakes, or people who don't trust themselves not to make similar mistakes, and don't want to believe that they can never be forgiven for them so they feel the need to belittle other people's justified anger by claiming that they can't live fulfilled lives by feeling it. But the fact of the matter is that people don't live their lives feeling one emotion over an incident. You can not forgive someone and not feel any anger towards them. You can dislike a person and not constantly think about it. I have people I can't and won't forgive who I barely think about at all. And when I do, I only feel a kind of apathy towards them. I'd never associate myself with them again, but that isn't me clinging to anger. It's me acknowledging that person isn't worth my time or acceptance. People don't need to forgive to move forward. By saying they do, you're belittling their struggle and experiences.

[@balanc-joy9187]

@@Someone-or8tp I agree with that. My family was neglectful and caused me a lot of pain with the actions they _did_ do, and though I haven't forgiven them, I am living my life without issue. I have grown _incredibly_ distrustful of these "forgiveness is the only way, anger and hate are things to reject right away" sort of attitudes, since following the implications of those ideas further didn't sit right with me and still doesn't.

[@mpmansell]

This bulksh1t again. By All means, act like this if you are emotionally incapable of handling it but stop being a self righteous virtue signalling ahole who tells others what to do with their emotions and traumas that, no matter how arrogant you are, you know nothing about. Some things are unforgivable, and you have no right to abusively regulate other people's feelings or values regarding that. To other less self righteous readers, as long as you do not let it consume you, it can be perfectly healthy and right to remember and not forgive. In fact not forgiving can provide the impetus to ensure the transgress face consequences. If any such virtue signalling hypocrites feel comfortable reporting crimes to authorities or supporting prosecution just let me say that in doing so you are not forgiving; you are hypocritically proxying your revenge. For any ahole who forgives serious issues and let's perpetrators get away free of consequence, then you are despicable aholes who, in letting abusers continue to abuse, share in the guilt over future abused and are immoral abusers yourselves.

[@meiwa2020]

Story 1: wow, what a complete lack of true love and empathy! That husband is so so so wrong Story 2: I genuinely love how supportive the husband is of Kate. She's clearly the much better person than the brother but he clearly loves his wife so much. It's lovely that she found such a supportive partner after so much trauma.

[@ShaunCushley97]

That was a nice ending to the second story. Still, I would've really liked to see the brother get a damn good thrashing. Oh well, can't have everything I suppose. Glad that OP and his wife are doing well anyway.

[@ACAB.forcutie]

I'm so glad she got him back 😭

[@itsyaboiChubbs]

Story 2: op is the asshole for just one punch, dude should be only able to eat soup for months. Good on op for defending his wife

[@CatLoverX74]

There was a quick update on story 2 the extended family that was originally mad at OP apologized and are making an effort to be more empathetic. His parents , brother and SIL unfortunately are still unwilling. Kate had their baby girls and they’re happy and living their best life 😊

[@shells500tutubo]

Last story- the thing is, if the brother had just let Op take his wife to the other room the entire reception would have proceeded as if nothing had happened. I have been at events were someone fainted, even someone had a heart attack, with the paramedics and ambulance, and the reality is, if you are not directly involved in the event it is out of sight out of mind. The events still went on. The brother acting out just prolonged everyone else from continuing the reception.

[@testtickles7648]

Story 2: omfg! SOOO NTA! I suffer from C-PTSD myself and it can be absolutely brutal. It completely changes your life. Not just in general, but a daily battle. It takes time to learn your triggers and even then, not only can you figure out new triggers over time that you didn't know could be a trigger...even the smallest of things...but it also takes time to calm down and takes hours to days to reprocess your flashbacks. I am extending love, light, comfort, and peace to OP's wife. She is definitely not broken...she is a SURVIVOR

[@NotWorthBeans16]

Seriously my pets are just as much a part of my family as my own children. If my hubby ever pulled this on me, let's just say he'd soon be an ex.

[@jancatperson8329]

She absolutely did the right thing leaving that scumbag and getting her cat back. If I were her, I’d still consider filing a report with the police and pressing charges if she can. I do not understand how the husband, or anyone for that matter, thinks giving a pet away will solve any problem. For the record, of course I don’t believe that cat is the reincarnation of her dead father, but her belief that he is is completely irrelevant to the story.

[@brookelynnwu8016]

Story 2: I’ve been thru similar experiences that Kate has had. OP’s brother is a monster, absolutely do not apologize & cut him out of your life. I feel sad Kate wants to forgive him, I feel like that is a natural victim response to blame themselves instead of the aggressor.

[@Stuart267]

*That husband is a scumbag. I hate my cat & he hates me but loves my family, I would never dream of getting rid of him.*

[@ivorynk752]

Benji being the reincarnation of her dad does sound silly to me, but that doesn't matter, because a pet doesn't have to be a reincarnated human to matter to someone. That being said OP should consider some grief counseling.

[@Tentacl]

OP is obvisouly not well mentally with the whole ressurection BS, but giving Benji away is completely unacceptable. I can't see how this relationship can be fixed.

[@phtevlin]

#2 Men can be victims of sexual assault. I was 6-7 yo when it happened to me at the hands of a family member. All too often we aren't believed when we come forward with what happened OR if believed, the trauma is minimalized. Not everyone grows up in a Norman Rockwell family; those people who did have a hard time understanding what it is like growing up in a Charles Dickens one The taboo (sadly) is not the sexual assault; the taboo is talking about it. The victim is usually the one who gets the blame.

[@MidnightAndLuna]

Story 2 - OP in amazing person and husband. I’m glad him and Kate have each other.

[@threeducks157]

"I know hitting him was wrong." meh thats debatable, lol. Im anti-violence, as a martial arts practitioner but damn there is some people that are very punchable.

[@kerribottriell-baxter7345]

If I were OP, I'd cut my brother and parents out if they were like that toward Kate. People like that suck!

[@daisyp1670]

As a DV/SA survivor myself, the second i saw what the brother said. I think I actually saw myself punching him in the face too. What an ASSHOLE. I wish OP had kicked him too 😡😡 OP#2 is definitely never going to be the ahole and i hope he punches him every time he sees him. wow this made me really mad