HYPER-VIGILANCE & SELF BLAME: WHAT CAN I DO?

[@amberturley5250]

It’s great that you are making this subject known and helping those who truly need it. I pray that many get to this information before their mid thirties and can correct their thought patterns, so they know they’re not horrible people…

[@cherylmockotr]

Earlier this morning I happened to remember an old memory that was a theme in my life. I was barely 2 and my sister about 2 months. I came down with the flu, so was put in my crib. I became so sick that I was unconscious for most of the time... several days. At one point, through my delerium, I remember my mother coming in and turning on the light to change the baby's diaper. I tried to call out to her but she didn't hear me and just walked out. I spent the whole time in my crib, never was I taken out of it. Eventually I broke a fever and recovered, and woke to find myself wearing a wet diaper and a bottle of milk. I remember standing up and calling down the hallway for my mother, but nobody ever came. In my misery, I finally fell back asleep. The next day my mother angrily changed my diaper and put me back in, telling me I had to stay there. It was probably a couple more days of this. Years later I brought this up to my mother and she told me I'd gotten flu first so she stayed away from me so she and the baby wouldn't catch it, but a day later she and my father both got it. She defended her nursing skills by saying she put a bottle of milk and a bottle of water in my crib so I would find it when I woke up, that's why she ignored me when I was crying out for her. The telling of that story, which happened a few times, was always about how miserable she was to have the flu and have to go downstairs to get me a bottle... I was supposed to be grateful I got that bottle! And that was the pattern the rest of my life: I got blamed for getting sick and would be banished to my room so no one else would catch it. I'd be given books and brought up meals, but that's it... no company, very little checking up on me, and zero empathy. To this day I feel very guilty for needing anything and ask for help only about once every 5 years because it's dire... but bearing the guilt of doing so is not worth it most of the time!

[@ileniaausperger1935]

😢

[@terrimoore8962]

I’m 62 , and my mother still brings up that when I was 22 months old I spilled a glass of milk on the kitchen table , she was bleeding from having my brother, she just got home from the hospital from giving birth. My dad had to put things away and she said I was to be able to help her take care of him. She brings this up in front of everyone! It is out of no where ! I was the oldest and the only girl, was told that it was my responsibility to be the caretaker. A lot of pain being the scapegoat, trying to heal , not there yet .

[@mlr4524]

Right with ya Terri. Eldest, adopted.....and told everything was my responsibility and blamed for everything, including spilling milk as a toddler. That was nothing compared to putting too much jam on my toast by age 3.

[@scarletlea5748]

Up until my twenties and thirties I was always being told not to apologise by my friends for absolutely anything I always blamed myself. In traffic jams I would apologise to the driver because of it ! I was afraid of the anger that might come. I don’t do it half as much now. It can pop up at times when I’m particularly low . I’m still on the mend but doing much better in my 50s. Love your channel, a godsend ❤

[@BobbiGail]

A must listen. The whole thing.

[@DrKimSage]

Thank you so much❤❤❤

[@ttgyuioo]

When I was 5 years old I already knew that you don't cry in front of anyone...me a little 5 year old kid😢

[@restlessmosaic]

I really hope a dedicated gymnast watches this. (Also, these videos are exactly what I needed this month to do better from something I'm at least 60% responsible for.)

[@stevensawyer5924]

But I was told since the age of 3 it was all my fault.😢 ... I'm 65 now.🥴

[@restlessmosaic]

That's rough, man...I'm sorry. I've had a kind of inverse to this from my parents: while I wasn't blamed for everything, they never blamed themselves for anything. So I took 100% of the blame even though it wasn't a mound of blame.

[@stevensawyer5924]

@@restlessmosaic 🙏✌️

[@despicabledavidshort3806]

I'm 60, of course everything was my fault. I don't care anymore

[@leanneb9111]

This happened to me yst. I have had toothache on and off for four days so I sent mail to dentist and they gave me an appointment and at first she commented that I wasn't being very specific. She couldn't find anything wrong and then discovered a gum issue which she referred to as very small. I felt so ashamed that this Dr thought I had wasted her time and it affected me for hours after. My feeling was the Dr is cross with me. Pathetic. My pain was real full stop.

[@redhenandrooster]

Dang. I just realized I feel like a bad person for blaming myself for everything! Now THAT’S telling. 🤔

[@kimbers1238]

I do this. And I notice that if I give myself 10 percent than I feel shame. But I'm working on it. My mom still to this day asks why didn't we take up for her when my dad was a rageaholic

[@chipchippie]

Thank you! ❤

[@johnjohnstone9805]

I don't think I feel o.k having any personal problems.

[@Rick40years]

I blame myself for everything. I think it was brought about from my mother constantly blaming me.

[@laurenbrogan5440]

Hi Dr Kim Sage, thank you for this video. I so relate to the self blame it is like a default. Would you mind sharing more about your children’s responsibility in it? I ask this because I am currently no contact with a one caregiver but I am trying to see what my role is, without taking over responsibility or under responsibility I consider you a safe person, and any feedback would be appreciated and helpful! 💜

[@noOnionswithoutTears]

Yup, I have felt guilt for surviving at age 5 when my brother died. Whole life feeling like the wrong kid died, because I was defective. It should have been me, because holy shit does my parent person hate me!

[@ChristianConstitutionalist3192]

It's a Fact that People are Untrustworthy.

[@richard-en2dx]

😘🌹🍸

[@ChristianConstitutionalist3192]

You're VERY Good Looking.