I Don’t Trust My Husband With Our Baby (What Should I Do?)

I Don’t Trust My Husband With Our Baby (What Should I Do?)
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[@kathleensmith4853]

My husband was terrible at the newborn stage. Once we got past 6 months mark he was amazing with her.

[@jaqueitch]

I have 2 children who will soon be 13 and 15. I have the absolute best memories of them when they were young babies... So innocent. I would do anything to re-live those days. Don't ever take it for granted.

[@kencurtis2403]

Amen I felt like I had won the lottery when I had my son - it was like a natural high for years. I came down from the high when he became a teenager lol.

[@9liveslisa]

People should discuss this stuff before they have children. If he says he'll never change diapers, chances are he means it.

[@kencurtis2403]

I had a father-in-law who would not change diapers. MIL said she went to some women's thing (Tupperware Party or similar) and her daughter had been sitting in a dirty diaper for hours, giving her horrible diaper rash. That was the last time she left a baby with dad. The same daughter treated her elderly ill father like gold - nursing him for years when he had COPD. It's sickening.

[@eurekahope5310]

Please give him grace. Our worst fights were when we had new babies because we were tired and stressed. Mothering comes more naturally to women, we are clearly made for it. It takes many men a little time and guidance. Please, for everyone's sake, treat him with respect and understanding. And when he does help, don't give him a hard time for not doing it the way you think it should be done. I say all these things as a wife and mom who made these mistakes, too. It should get better, especially when you both get more sleep. 💜

[@mygoodlife204]

true. hang in there. it does get easier.

[@MrsFJohnson]

Amen to that!

[@Anonyme67]

I was so horrible when my baby came. I am glad he was patient. When my hormones came back to normal I was better. It took my at least 2 years to let him sleep with our son. Even for the shower he just did it without my consent and I realized that ge didn’t break the baby. Men please be patient with us.

[@bradleysherman3103]

Chapter 5 of "12 rules for life" was a God-send for me. It helped me learn how to interact with my wife and new baby in a healthy manner.

[@codingiscreativity]

Is this your baby in the picture?

[@TuBui2]

@@codingiscreativity idk why but this question made me laugh. like the assumption that the baby *might* not be his is be hilarious.

[@theenasexperience1870]

This is an amazingly compassionate call. I appreciate Dr. Delony's nuance and gentleness and compassion so much.

[@cutehumor]

I started dating my current wife in 1999 and married in 2005. our first baby came in 2011. Our baby, who is now 10 years old, is the most precious girl in the world. :)

[@JR-wu8gf]

Sounds like a nice 21 years

[@Scott-got-caught]

Nobody asked. Why are you bragging. Show does your situation relate to THIS video??

[@willak79bud90]

@@Scott-got-caught you must be great at parties.

[@Scott-got-caught]

@@willak79bud90 well somebody has to do it 😎

[@michaelwoods4495]

I know about this guy. I'm a retired Marine officer and Naval Aviator. Feelings were unsafe because Mom (before Marine years) and high school kids ridiculed vulnerable expressions. We can do better. My grandchildren all love granddaddy (me) and I'm crazy in love with them. How is that possible? I don't have to be a prisoner of my past. I can accept it and the people involved without becoming entirely one of them. I can select and choose. As commander of Marines in flight and some hundreds of them on ground operations I learned that our Marines are sensitive, real people and I as commander was always at their disposal--they didn't always get what they wanted but they always got a hearing, at least after landing and shutting down.

[@MrsFJohnson]

You just shared some great gems of wisdom right now. I hopw that you this comment doesnt get passed over.

[@KatieLHall-fy1hw]

Go Navy! ❤️

[@lifeaccordingtoatlas1852]

Clearly whatever their dynamic is is working for them since they've been married for 10 years, but....if my husband's only emotion was "rage"....that wouldn't work for me.

[@amandaforrester7636]

She said that "she's pretty good at hitting that feeling" .... which made me worried for her.

[@KatieLHall-fy1hw]

@@amandaforrester7636she is most likely okay, which is great! But I wouldn’t be surprised if he was prone to yelling and stuff. It can be hard at home sometimes

[@rachellawrence702]

This is why I never understand women who run down military/ police men. They have unhappy homes alotttt

[@ashvaz7060]

Got upset because the baby spit up on his new pjs? he’ll probably back slap him when he’s a toddler and has tantrums. Seems like he doesn’t want to be a father nor does he think he needs help. I feel so sorry for kids that grow up with these kind of parents. Screams abuse and emotional abuse.

[@marycarricaburu3683]

I agree, I feel sorry for a kid with a dad like that.

[@Cathy-xi8cb]

The kid could end up taking Daddy's gun to school and solving his problems that way.

[@ashvaz7060]

I totally agree. That’s what’s heartbreaking. Imagine getting beat up by own parent for having feelings. And having to depress every emotion. :(

[@truthseeker6370]

Dr John keeps interrupting her and inserting his assumptions- not allowing her to speak. Frustrating.

[@morgandawn6413]

Being a parent isn't for everyone.

[@cmmcfielful]

This won’t work out. She wants this perfect family picture but he may not be that type of person and that’s ok. Not everyone shows love in the same way but I can just about claim certainty that he loves the kid to the core of his soul

[@cmmcfielful]

@A H clearly you didn’t listen during watching cause she plain as day said when the child was born he was changing way more diapers than her cause she was dealing with post partum complications and how much of a great man he is She has a problem with how he suppresses his emotions and wants him to be softer with the babies emotions as well and doesn’t want their relationship to be so macho and bland

[@loisfreiner6127]

I’m sorry your baby shouldn’t be hubby’s competition… so sorry for being blunt. I understand he might be a little overwhelmed, thank GOD he has a sweet spouse ❤️

[@dakotasikes6690]

You known he was like this for 10yrs plus he grew up without being able to show emotion plus hes a marine who arnt really allowed to show emotion. You signed up you dont get to change this man id ya truelly love him

[@KElmerTinkersAcademy]

That was pretty good advice. Wish someone told my lifer father that.

[@stephanied.k.3589]

She needs professional counseling and not a podcast from a professionalcounselor. If her husband can love her then he can love the baby. If he can be kind and patient with her then he can be kind and patient with a child. If she has never seen it then it's not fair to expect an infant to teach it. Not sure what her husband does or has done in the military but soldier training and war can damage people. You can be "tough" on a teenager but there is ZERO reasons to be "tough" on a infant.

[@MrsFJohnson]

I think she mentioned that his family was very distant and unemotionally expressive. He needs to have an overhaul of how he thinks. Only God can do that. And the support of people around as he's being transformed. The wife sounds like she may have settled for some behaviors.

[@oliviaacosta6239]

Why did you choose him to have a baby with? Don’t have any more children with him. Sad that he can’t understand that babies will be babies. If he never wanted them then you should have never convinced him to have one cause now he won’t be as involved unless he changes. Wait til they are teenagers it gets harder Good luck

[@otsam1050]

Did you miss the part of him taking care of the baby by himself for 6weeks and moving houses. So after all that, just because he hasn't been the best emotionally bonding with his kid, she should leave him ? 🙄. She would be better off being a single mother? This mindset is why women keep filing for many divorces.

[@oliviaacosta6239]

I never said divorce him. I just said do t have any more children with a man who doesn’t want them. And yes, sometimes being a single, happy mother is better than living with an asswhole

[@aimeeglatt3299]

@@oliviaacosta6239 . Better for the child too!

[@willak79bud90]

@@aimeeglatt3299 no, it's not.

[@reneel2441]

Lol some people really don't enjoy it. Don't expect him to fake it for your sake. Have him do his part or he won't bond with him

[@aimeeglatt3299]

It’s not for her sake, he needs to fake it til he makes it for the BABY’S sake!!!!!

[@thembisaodendaal]

We are adding so many words into our vocabulary. We know now there is something called limmerance which I feel many marriages are built on this foundation a d the individuals have not invested enough time to learn each other hence so many personality clashes in marriages.we must do pre marriages counseling which involves more practicals which includes taking care of newborn babies with your fiance for a month, spending time away with his parents and her parents and extended family and watch your partner in these settings I think it will save us all a bunch of heartaches

[@Fadrowskis]

I have 4 kids. What you are going through is normal. (Is your first baby). The problem I see is when she said that his husband gets defensive. That is huge, try to find help in your marriage now, before time passes. He can be an excellent dad but he needs some tools.

[@CaliAAA72]

Ten years married plus being a military spouse. She knew what kind of man he is so why is she so shocked and upset? Another example of not discussing important matters that Dave teachers before getting married.

[@Myraisins1]

This lady has two babies. Good luck with that.

[@brookesmith1550]

As usual John making the wrong assumptions about the callers situation. The husband never said his life is ruined because he had a kid. That’s awful to say!!!

[@ithinkigottalent4047]

I don't care to date guys from the military because (in my experience), they've been a 'special kind of special' and John articulated it beautifully. I wouldn't have a kid for one. Not sure why she chose to. She needs to get real. When a guy tells me he's been to the military, I'm out lol 🏃🏾‍♀️🏃🏾‍♀️🏃🏾‍♀️🏃🏾‍♀️

[@rachelgooden9981]

🤣

[@jime19911]

That’s a dumb generalization. I got friends that have been in the military and they’re the best dads in the world to their kids. There’s a lot of losers who weren’t in the military also that are bum dads. Sorry you feel that way but maybe you should pick the guys you’re interested in a little better from now on.

[@panzer_TZ]

If that's your preference, nothing wrong with that. I lived in San Antonio(Multiple military bases, USAA HQ, huge army medical center, etc. Calling it a military town is an understatement), and know several happily married veterans and their wives. To me, this case sounds like miscommunication and not addressing issues and expectations before having a baby. Women almost never seem to take responsibility for the choice of men they have children with.

[@aimeeglatt3299]

AMEN SISTER!!

[@oncetwice5942]

@A H That’s not true. Not all Military men cheat.

[@larissagonzales6075]

Masculinity is great and needed to raise a child on a successful path. You could tell him to express himself and that it ok but to say he shouldn't exert his masculinity is not a good thing.

[@aimeeglatt3299]

I find the most masculine men can also be nurturing. Those that can’t aren’t truly masculine. They are over compensating because deep inside they know they aren’t. REAL men, confident men, can and do show venerability and emotion.

[@TheSblore]

The baby in this situation is the husband

[@l-train7876]

I think she’s being ridiculous for acting surprised and complaining about her husband’s behavior when she’s been married to him for 10 years, already knows his history, and still decided to have a baby with him.

[@stallman655]

I would bet he didn’t want kids and finally relented or the birth control mysteriously failed.

[@patriciajoyner9871]

Just accept it, take the baby care on by yourself. Been married 34 years 2 children. I did 90%...when kids get older it will smooth out

[@cesarvargas7736]

That’s normal!!!

[@davidhealdjr.513]

This sounds like my wife and I flipped.

[@Diana734]

I would never get upset over a baby making a mess on me....WTH! Dad needs to grow up!

[@whatisup3632]

The title is a little deceptive it's not that she can't trust her husband is that he has emotional issues.

[@Cathy-xi8cb]

I think you forgot that this is a show, with advertisers. It isn't counseling. They have to do click-bait titles to get views. Never forget that D. and Ramsey are not in the counseling business. They are in the entertainment business.

[@T.A.HasNoFilter]

He is always inflecting his own narrative onto the callers. She said the 10 years prior to the child their marriage was fine. Then he starts of saying there has been things going on for 10 years and it needs to stop.

[@6703445]

The caller needs to grow up and probably run from her husband if she ever wants a happy baby.

[@NaNa-lt1po]

Ok.. so what's the lesson here.. don't have another baby.. its just going to be a mess

[@tanyamilewski5700]

Caller can’t get to the point lol

[@uhurtmeagen]

Not everyone should be parents

[@l-train7876]

4:10 then why did you choose this man to have a child with?? She’s been married to him for 10 years and is complaining NOW about these things??? Omg take some responsibility for your choices🙈.

[@davidg.9561]

Men have a different relationship with children than women do. It isn't as instinctive since we do not carry the baby. Men have to get to know the child and bond as they would any other relationship. The problem is that infants don't have the ability to interact, they cry and they consume. When they start making eye contact, laughing at Dad's silly faces, smile when he enters a room, etc, his heart will melt. This guy has a super structured career and is now in a situation he can't fully control. He also was not present during the pregnancy (no fault of his), so he missed some of that time going to MD visits etc. Give him a break, he'll come around.

[@eurekahope5310]

Very well said. Mothering is more natural to women and babies know Mom's scent and voice. It takes work for most father's and she needs to give him grace. I feel like she is so disrespectful and, despite believing she is in touch with feelings, seems to express bitterness and pride while ignoring his feelings of insecurity.

[@terriesmith2616]

Exactly. This wife needs to give her husband a break. He's doing his best to provide for her and took care of her for the six weeks that she was out of it, yet she's expecting him to be the perfect father (in her eyes) to their child. I doubt she's a perfect mother yet her expectations for him is so high.

[@terriesmith2616]

@@eurekahope5310 She sounds ungrateful and has high expectations of her husband. I wonder how she'd feel if the situation were reversed and her husband had high expectations of her. I doubt she could be the main provider, a mom, and a wife.

[@shachede6828]

@@eurekahope5310 Not one time did this woman say bad things about her husband. May God not look down on you or judge you the way you open your mouth to write stuffs about a woman calling in for help about how to navigate her life in difficult times. You guys are really something. She praised her husband and is looking for help on how to navigate his and her shortcomings. But “she is bitter, insecure”. Please look in the mirror when you write that statement. I hope people don’t come to you for advice cause yikes. Thank God for people like Dr delony.

[@bkucenski]

That's insanely sexist. Being braindead and worthless isn't a gender thing. It's a product of learning stupid things from stupid people.

[@l-train7876]

I thought we all knew that dads were terrible with newborns.

[@AaAa-ri4uf]

This title is very misleading but that’s ok

[@benb7727]

Yeah. Makes him sound like a perv

[@dasboototto]

so she's complaining about what every mother in history has went thru and she thinks a phone call to a guy on a show will help

[@Nah-ah]

Isn’t this most men tho when it comes to fatherhood? My husband was a bit like this

[@direwolfcollectibles2736]

Sounds like the husband is a baby.

[@hs1athome]

We have 4 girls and my husband has changed 2 diapers in his life (which were emergency situations). He had been abused by a aunt as a child and has just put boundaries on what he thinks is appropriate. No diapers, baths, getting them ready. That's all me. Now I can sit and make a fuss or be thankful he has chosen to be aware and put boundaries.

[@CJ2023Incognito]

Interesting perspective

[@ReddingRed]

Why did it take 10 years to have a kid??? Because he doesn't want a kid! How can this guy not ask that question and feel ethical in giving her advice?? This is painful to listen to.

[@NurseNessaV]

I mean this kindly... Please do not thank military spouses for their service. I am a military spouse, and this was always very cringe because I didn't do anything for my country, I married a man I loved. Just because he happened to be a service member doesn't mean his sacrifices and honors are mine (nor did I do anything worthy of a "thank you.") If you feel the need to honor a spouse, give them a compliment instead :)

[@Hillside-Hive]

It's a , "thank you for supporting him/her" I'm a combat vet wife and it's no cake walk for sure...

[@truthseeker6370]

Just say "Thank you". People are trying to be kind. I was a military spouse with 6 children. Trust me- I served too while my husband was away for deployment, schools etc.. I am grateful for the Family Readiness Group I joined to find comradery. They were a Great bunch of women that got us through very hard times. If you personally don't want to be thanked- perhaps pay it forward to a military spouse who could really use some support and encouragement. In all truth- everything isn't about you.

[@atdepaulis]

Yes you have to sacrifice your spouse not being there all the time with kids etc .. I agree with others… say thank you.. the family does sacrifice

[@beckyshell4649]

John's laugh is cringy and awkward at the wrong times. He does a good job once he gets into the call but the start nah.

[@kyledodson2992]

The baby is trying to replace him. Be careful, he may RKO the little fella outta no where

[@mirabella2154]

🤣

[@elainenilsson5472]

Sounds like dad needs to grow up, stop working 50, 60, 70 hour weeks and get his @$% home and take care of this kid equally. Maybe then they would be on the same page.

[@Cathy-xi8cb]

Her husband is a baby too. An emotional cripple. This child will figure this out, and manipulate this guy early. Something like "You are the worst Dad EVER!" unless you give me what I want. Hope he doesn't become abusive or addicted. So sad that she decided to have a child with a guy like this.

[@vjs4539]

Run lady! He's going to get so much worse as your child gets older. Run!!

[@Michael-ft9pm]

Stay single fellas!

[@miketheyunggod2534]

My wife did everything for my son until about 2 years old. It's the mother's job. I didn't even touch him until age two.

[@panpluto13]

Poor military man cant deal? Shape up or ship out. When you are trained not to see people as people. Hahhaha

[@SpeedfreakUK]

My patience for looking after our baby is roughly equivalent to my wife’s patience for fixing the washing machine, carrying out home maintenance or debugging software issues. That’s normal.

[@joshuashaw9384]

Why does it seem like it's a trend now adays to try and force men to be sensitive, loving, cuddling humans that they aren't? A two parent household is superior because men and women are vastly different and the differences compliment eachothers shortcomings. Women are loving, nurturing and sensitive. Men are mentally sturdy, logical and yes sometimes gruff in nature. Stop trying to make men something they aren't

[@CraigWhargoul]

Underrated comment. Thanks. . I feel like i would get banned and doxxed for saying that.

[@tiffanymackey2382]

Just a heads up, women can be mentally sturdy and logical too. But that doesn't require men or women to be gruff or insensitive. Maybe if we stop telling men that nurturing their children isn't masculine, men will become more nurturing.

[@shelbysycamore637]

Does mentally study also count punching holes in the wall?

[@aimeeglatt3299]

@@shelbysycamore637 . EXACTLY!!!

[@aimeeglatt3299]

A mentally sturdy man knows when to be gruff and stern AND when to be patient, kind, and nurturing. If they can ONLY be one way, they are handicapped, not sturdy!

[@mirabella2154]

Both of these people shouldn't be parents.

[@noellelane5229]

That's unnecessary. Go shush.

[@mirabella2154]

@@noellelane5229 Shush yourself, Karen.

[@gessrinky9129]

@@mirabella2154 you make an insulating comment and have the nerve to call someone a Karen. Much dumb

[@firefly9838]

Good point. Forced sterilization needed.

[@CraigWhargoul]

I'm sure you're an INCREDIBLE parent with no flaws.....

[@bethanyroberts4744]

25th comment