I Feel Like My Weight Protects Me From Men

[@carmeltang1743]

This, unfortunately, is so common. We pass judgments on other people's physical state without knowing the truth. I can appreciate that personally. I wish her nothing but the best... we stand with you.

[@blueStarKitt7924]

Yes.❤️❤️❤️

[@angelica7236]

This is a tough one. People are judged for being bigger but it's not just someone who likes to eat alot of food. This is a perfect example. I hope she can overcome this 🙏

[@DebbieBennett-p5v]

John did such a great job helping her. I was so happy to hear her laugh. Praying for a complete healing in her body and mind and the bad memories are removed from her mind and heart

[@princekiki33]

Most people that are big are big because they eat alot that's the reality

[@mitzloo1933]

@@princekiki33And this call is an example of maybe why some people do eat all that food.

[@ananimity7332]

@@princekiki33 But there is often a reason for eating all that food..so many reasons..you can't judge someone you don't know because of their appearance.

[@ananimity7332]

I've been recently judged by my partner's family for my weight. It has hurt me and made my already bad self esteem problems worse. I shouldn't let it because they are the ones judging but it still did.

[@marydera1983]

So many people need to hear this today IT WASN'T YOUR FAULT WHAT SOMEONE DID TO YOU IS NOT YOUR FAULT I LOVE YOU

[@javaskull88]

You’re making me cry

[@PaperMario64]

Thank you. 🙏🏽

[@shauleen]

Thank you🎉

[@marydera1983]

@@javaskull88 cry it out baby it's okay

[@supernova11711]

People DO often blame victims for things like this. My own brother told me it was my fault for drinking too much. I don’t talk to him anymore.

[@eap1983]

You are not alone Carol. There are many of us with our own versions of your story, but you are most certainly not alone. I pray you are able to find a little peace, happines, and health. I wish that for all of us. Bless you sister.

[@blueStarKitt7924]

Yes.❤

[@Emptytopfloor]

One person’s few seconds of selfishness caused another person suffering their entire life. Do predators have soul?

[@alluringbliss4165]

No

[@PaperMario64]

No.

[@lalitstar2371]

No

[@Kristen-ek9rz]

They chose to lose connection to their soul......the reconnection to their soul requires a lot of light to restore, AKA, fire temporarily.

[@blueStarKitt7924]

😔😔😢

[@thexmichellexalonso]

This! It took so many years to figure out that I yo-yo’d because I felt unsafe and unworthy. My therapist suggested all the things John mentioned in this episode. It’s all life changing. It’s also incredibly painful. But worth it.

[@blueStarKitt7924]

🙏❤️❤️❤️

[@amandaforrester7636]

I get this. I have lost weight and I *DESPERATELY* miss being invisible.

[@Plooky1969]

You are not alone! This is not self punishment, it’s protection.

[@ireneswackyjournals8810]

As a survivor of sexual abuse by my step mother’s dad at 11-14, I can safely say once I told my family at 17 more than half of the women including my cousin had stories. Rape and molestation so soo common and it’s 95% family or friends if our parents. Never assume it’s your fault. It’s him. Always him. Whatever it felt like, however your body reacted, it’s him. They damage women and men so much in our youth that we either shell in or have to go through so many years of therapy for help. Never allow the perpetrator to win. Take care of your health, even if you also have genetics, predispositions for weight, health issues at least eat right and do exercise no need for model weight; just for health

[@franziskani]

it may be more common in your family. It is not that common in every family - fortunately. The woman unable to see what happens to the children (if they have not resolved the trauma). The males sense it that "anything goes". Multigenerational trauma that is passed on. It is also possible that abused boys pass it on later. Not an excuse of course, but there is some statistical correlation.

[@ireneswackyjournals8810]

@@franziskani molestations are much more common. Rape not as much. However it’s always been a taboo and still continues to be. And im not just talking about male to women. In all of the situations for my family the woman were sexually molested by friends of the family or neighbors. The only one that was by her own family was my aunt who was abused by her grandfather. My mom was a friend of the dad that touched her boobs when she was 13. And she ran and got away. My grandmother was a neighbor that groped her behind when she was 9. My cousin was 5 and it was my uncle’s friend. What you can claim is that people trusted neighbors, friends, etc a bit more than now because we now know this happens but even then it’s common. To both girls and boys and it’s not the elite in Hollywood but rather people that surround families and have opportunities. And in my case, the started to abuse me at 11 on his own daughter’s birthday during the night. I was too young and didn’t know what was happening, I didn’t tell my dad because I feared breaking up his marriage or worse him not believing me and aiding with his new wife. Ultimately, I got fed up eventually and bit, kicked, and hit him and got away from him when he wanted to do his things on dad’s bed. I preferred to be outside in pajamas than inside with him. And in a weird way it was the best feeling to finally be able to retaliate (getting taller than him helped here). Ultimately, I told my dad because my mother said he would do the same to my sister whom was just 6 when dad found out. My dad’s one mistake was trusting the guy and letting him stay over with his daughter while I was there and I can’t really fault him he didn’t think this could happen. The guy ultimately tried to do the same thing to another girl

[@sidneybristow815]

Thank you for sharing your truth and your strength. You should go into counseling. Women around you are very fortunate.

[@faebalina7786]

I come from a culture that promotes a lot of gender segregation and men and women who aren’t related or married being alone it seemed extreme to me but I realise the wisdom because predators seek out opportunity to be alone with a vulnerable female which is why children are the most effected it’s because they are the most vulnerable I will implement more of the practices of my forebears because I can’t change society so I will have to prevent those opportunities and be less trusting of males in my extended family

[@marydera1983]

I completely understand where this woman is coming from up until 35 years old I did not realize what I was doing to my body and what I was doing to myself was a coping mechanism from trauma I had purposely kept myself obese and overweight because I thought that it was a way of protecting myself I was definitely wrong and now I have a healthy relationship with food and my body and I am so thankful therapy is so important It's absolutely heart breaking to hear her pain

[@taradiane]

Same here. If I'm not "attractive" then men won't want to touch me, the fat becomes a protection. Because while logically we know that sexual assault is about power, it's extremely difficult to separate the fact the assault was, in fact, sexual in nature. It wasn't a beating, it was rape/molestation/etc. I've been in and out of therapy for years, but this call was the first time I'd cried about it in years. God I feel for this woman, for all of us who've dealt with it, but that literally could have been me in that phone call for how closely it mirrors my own experience.

[@marcellacrier7283]

same issue here

[@peachesandpoets]

Same. And people mock us and think we spend all day eating cakes

[@karenhultgren7810]

I relate to this caller. She is not alone.

[@PaperMario64]

Same.

[@starlingswallow]

I am so sorry that happened to you, Carol ❤ When I was married to an abuser, I too gained weight to keep him uninterested in being with me due to his proclivities and his lack of caring about my wants and needs. You will get through this. Have you seen a trauma counselor? It will really help! There are ways you can loose weight and remain safe. Enjoy your body and know you will protect yourself from any danger. I'm so glad you called in~ I believe there are many men and women who struggle with this....the self punishment.

[@orangesplaylist]

I relate a lot to this. When I was raped 5 years ago, I remember having a convo with a friend that I wanted to gain weight so men would stop looking at me. Was really hard to fight through that, cuz self-sabotage feels really good after it happens. I send love and hope for this woman. She sounds really broken and my heart goes out to her

[@chrissyellem7397]

Keep up the positivity for such a terrible thing that happened to you.

[@orangesplaylist]

I agree! Positivity is a good tool even if you have to fake it till you make it : )@@chrissyellem7397

[@psyche8187]

Carol, you’re not alone in this.

[@PaperMario64]

Wow. I didn’t know other women experienced this. I have Lipedema which makes it super hard to lose weight. And when I do manage to get down, I get loads of male attention and feel freaked out and uncomfortable due to past sexual trauma. It’s self-sabotage. I honestly didn’t know of anyone else experienced this.

[@BarelyNoticedADD]

Very seldom is obesity just about "I like food too much".

[@pulidobl]

This.

[@peachesandpoets]

Commenting before watching. PEOPLE WHO MAKE FUN OF FAT PEOPLE HAVE NO CLUE. I'm going through this. Long story short, lots of trauma and also illness that cause my weight gain. I refused a gastric bypass because I don't have food issues, and worked hard while healing and lost 100 lbs in less than 6 months. Then the male attention came back and I remembered why my body decided I needed to be fat. I've been sexualize and raped since I was 7 years old, maybe younger but I don't remember. I found myself stopping to work out. Because of my disorder I don't even need to eat much and I gain weight. I gained 30 lbs back and honestly I want to gain more. I don't want to be looked at. Let me watch this. People who mock fat people HAVE NO CLUE.

[@blueStarKitt7924]

May you heal and find peace.😔🙏❤️

[@nt3833]

Carol sounds like a lovely person. I wish her healing and so much happiness. 💗

[@SofiUk0319]

Bless you Carol ❤ I pray you find your inner peace, I can tell you are such a precious and gentle soul. We need you lady, please don't give up on yourself. This world is filled with too much horror, and we need your loving soul ❤

[@Gray429]

Thank you so much for sharing your story Carol. I’ve really needed to hear this as I went through something similar and also gained a lot of weight to avoid any attention and avoided relationships for a decade. It felt like a survival response and was extremely lonely as people only see you and treat you as a bigger girl because you can’t control your food intake. It can be more than that. I went through health problems that I couldn’t ignore anymore and the last year have been going to the gym. I lost two dress sizes but the main thing has been learning to be more comfortable and feel stronger inside my body. I don’t have a certain figure or size as a goal, only to be healthy and comfortable in my body, learning to listen to its cues and messages when you’re feeling a type of way. John’s advice is great, I wish I had heard this from my own counsellors but unfortunately they weren’t very good. Big thank you to John for the support he gave her! You’re an amazing person Carol ❤

[@tiffanynicoley]

Oh I know this feeling. I used to get male attention and one time an older man hit on me in the gym and I had a full blown panic attack when I got home. Since gaining weight and "letting myself go" in the form of not wearing makeup and hygiene issues I get zero attention and it honestly feels great. I love just not being noticed at all. But I need to look good and feel good for myself. I just hope by sharing someone else might feel less alone if you’re struggling.

[@shachede6828]

@@GUITARTIME2024typical rapist/incel reply. Women don’t want you creep.

[@tiffanynicoley]

@@GUITARTIME2024 Attacking someone when they’re being vulnerable shows you have way bigger issues than I ever have.

[@Ryan-wx1bi]

​@@tiffanynicoleyI think the other person was just upset you compared someone talking to you, to this woman being graped

[@tiffanynicoley]

@@Ryan-wx1bi I definitely did not compare. I’m talking about someone hitting on you triggering trauma from being raped.

[@tiffanynicoley]

@@GUITARTIME2024 My dad is dead. And he was the best dad you could ever hope to have. Also you don’t know what you’re talking about. This wasn’t one instance leading to a change in behavior it’s just an example. You don’t know my life story. Again trying to come after me for sharing is just making you look bad.

[@maam-yj8ph]

Thank you for being brave enough to come and talk about this Carol. I have also heard someone else talk about eating to avoid predatory attention in person. Far too many people who were molested as children never seem to get out of these patterns. We all have our unhealthy trauma responses.

[@engagedanddivorcedpodcast]

My heart breaks for this woman. Thank you for your vulnerability ❤️

[@LadyMarigoldWithers]

I just want to give this lady a huge hug, I hope she can finally move on with some help ❤

[@limiwa]

Sweet Carol ❤ so many of us understand you, you're not alone. I went the opposite direction in that I over dieted and over exercised for years after the SA. But it was all about trying to control my body that had felt completely out of my control for so long, and trying to change the only thing I felt I could. Healing is possible though, don't give up.

[@marydera1983]

So many women are this woman so many men are this woman I really, really hope that every single person that is feeling this woman's pain seeks therapy you are worthy of healing.

[@striperkid]

Dr. John handled this call very well. Hope that woman seeks help and frees herself. She should know, she's not alone. Men have issues just as heavy as hers so, she's not alone.

[@sandyseibelhager7131]

I completely understand. I did the same thing subconsciously. I didn’t realize it until losing some weight, finding men’s advances uncomfortable and regaining weight

[@javaskull88]

I totally relate to this woman. I feel this deep down.

[@Mrs.LadeyBug]

Ya.

[@rebeccaoprea9917]

I get her in my own way. I was a victim as a child and feel like I always had eyes on me. I’m uncomfortable around men and often feel like a target from both sexes. I try to dress down as to not get attention.

[@amydoran9987]

This is truly a sad call.

[@lysapenguin]

Carol, I just want to give you a hug. You are loved.

[@CiciC2410]

Praying for you Carol! You are brave and beautiful. You are not alone!!

[@DM-ed9os]

Please, to everyone who sees this, say a prayer for Carol and send her love and healing. My heart breaks for her, and she will be in my prayers for for the foreseeable future. 💔🙏🏻💔

[@vickimerritt2832]

So true. Women are blamed if they do or don't or have no choice. I was so young and tiny once,( even after 4 kids) and am quite relieved to be old and plump and gray. So freeing.

[@fire12731]

I’m sorry for your pain Carol

[@EmpressMermaid]

I wonder how her parents handled it (assuming she even told them). I bet she got the "if only you hadn't....." reaction. People wonder why, if most rapes are committed by someone the victim knows, the perpetrators are able to get away with it. This is how.

[@elizabethbrown5289]

This call is so relatable. I experienced sexual abuse at 7 years old by a family member. I used food as a coping mechanism. I finally told one of my parents at 12 years old and was told to deal with it and never talk to the other parent about this. So, as a result, I became 300 pounds overweight. I have take off about 270 of that.

[@squeezybearr5337]

This is so devastating.

[@juliesieben8148]

Thank you for sharing your story. Me too. Sending you lots of love and support, Carol.

[@lalitstar2371]

Gosh how many of us have been abused and take advantage of?

[@stevendavis5095]

All of us! That’s the way of the world. To take. It’s how you react after the taking that creates the mindset of how you go about life. It’s a fight. Reason being because is precious and fragile and worth living. But you have to make that choice as a person

[@blueStarKitt7924]

Really too many. One is one too many.🤬😞

[@blueStarKitt7924]

​@@stevendavis5095Excuse me, but what choice?

[@lalitstar2371]

@@stevendavis5095 absolutely but it hurts not only when we see in the news that another one been taking worst yet she’s gone for good and can’t tell her/hes story. The poor children the kids that are gone and never got to choose their lives. I freaking hate the world sometimes makes me want nothing to do with it, people are not people this days and I can’t call them an animal, because animals are better than most peoples.

[@lalitstar2371]

@@stevendavis5095 all of us…. This is really an eye opening.

[@MichelePernerBlum]

My brother stole from me he's a total jerk! 10 years older than me.. he stole from me

[@fire12731]

My sweet much younger cousin is the opposite and became anorexic after sexual abuse at the hands of her dad from ages 3-7. In the preteen stage she developed anorexic and is on her 30’s now and still struggling. She eats but is still very underweight and it’s noticeable

[@janetmorecraft2206]

I support you, Carol. You can do this.

[@MichelePernerBlum]

Omg her story is mine

[@kimberlyharris2774]

❤❤❤❤❤❤

[@fire12731]

I’m so sorry 😢Michele

[@PaperMario64]

Mine too

[@Paradise-on-Earth]

Never stop singing!

[@NalaMahal]

When I was 13 years old, I use to be sexually harassed by men in community. I stayed inside over one summer and just snacked all day and gained weight and when it was time for me to be out in the neighborhood, the cat calls and aggressiveness stopped. From that point on, I yo-yo diet all my life. When I felt safe, I lost the weight. When I felt unsafe by men, I subconsciously began gaining weight. This happened while I was single and in a relationship. The purpose in my case was to make myself unattractive, unappealing to the male gaze that men like that will leave me alone. I received professional help to assist me in unpacking this. It’s crazy how so many women operate like this.

[@vikashsharma353]

How does he listen to so many calls that involve abuses. I mean my heart sank listening to it 😢 I don't know how he is handling his life after listening to such heart wrenching stories

[@Thesussysuscat]

I worry for my 9 year old daughter this never happens to her

[@chrissyellem7397]

This lady's voice seems older so I feel bad because she has been dealing with trauma for a long time. Most women have some sort of trauma within their lives just because they are more vulnerable, sympathetic, kind, trusting, and PEOPLE take advantage.

[@madamebovarycro]

She is 44 and she was raped at 16. So she is dealing with this for her whole life. Very sad

[@ireefree2024]

I hear a broken little girl to be honest and it's heartbreaking 😢

[@Stacee-j1o]

To be Fair in my Case it actually Did. My husband said he wouldnt beat me because I weighed more than him and he was afraid of my power because of my weight.

[@Balgees24]

I wish if I can give her a hug. May if she likes dog get one and walk with it as start everyday.

[@jo783]

Ugh this broke my heart.

[@sidneybristow815]

Hormones are at work too. Before menopause they start going down. Your doctor can help, but find one knowledgeable in HRT. Faulty research screwed up a generation of women going through this.

[@LisaLisaCJ]

Me too

[@acmb6763]

Rape is NEVER the victim’s fault! NEVER!!! If you are reading this, YOU ARE A VICTIM AND IT’S NOT AND WILL NEVER BE YOUR FAULT!!!

[@MessagesFromAurora]

i hate attention and i get lot less random attention from stranger men once i was heavier. more peaceful.

[@carbro6334ify]

I understand what she is saying 💯. I did the same thing

[@marlenebtagelman2451]

Carnivore diet works well for loss of weight..

[@assyrianrelief]

I am a curvy woman and there are lots of men who love our body type. Big butts, big hips, big thighs are adored by many…. It’s all a matter of perspective and confidence. I adore every inch of me. I’ve only got one beautiful body and it’s the vessel in which I can live my life and dreams through it. Thank you God for making me as you did. More women no matter what shape or size need to start loving thier bodies. Regardless of what anyone else thinks.

[@Mrs.LadeyBug]

That’s honestly not even remotely related to what this lady is thinking about but it’s nice you’re happy.

[@freedomfan4272]

I am one of those guys who likes curvy women.

[@ashleysalazar2012]

Did you even watch the video? She doesn't want to attract men.

[@janelleg597]

❤❤❤❤❤

[@laurenm.6320]

It’s been the best thing ever to grow into middle age and pack a few comfort pounds on and become invisible to men. I feel literally safer moving through the world without having to constantly evaluate what attention may be a threat.

[@SIGSEGV1337]

You can use really baggy clothes to protect yourself from men, it's like weight but you can take it off.

[@ascendednightingale2456]

I’m on the heavier side and I wear oversized hoodies even when it’s hot outside. It’s like a double edged sword, because I’m insecure about my body, but I also don’t want to attract attention to myself.

[@Thesussysuscat]

I really wish this guy woukd have suffered for what he did. I'm assuming he got away with it

[@vickimerritt2832]

They usually do. The world ignores the root cause, innocent men are feared and the crazies get away with it. Nothing ever changes, ever.

[@ineedhoez]

Omg yes... I had so much trauma surrounding being violated by men. I definitely used my weight for protection. I had to take a weapons class to make myself feel safe.

[@CoffeeSA96]

Can someone please get delony to stop with the awkwardness when after answering calls. All you have to say is “ hi how can i help”?

[@lovingme1st973]

Can we please get you to go and listen somewhere else? If you don't like it don't listen see how easy that is! Bye

[@AngieLaughsInappropriately]

It is nice to see Dr. John is himself, a human with a personality.

[@NeoSoulCrew]

It's his show and his thing. If you don't like it there are other generic podcasts out there. He's also trying to break the ice because a lot of callers have deep topics to discuss.

[@jaclyndelmonte8135]

It helps break the ice and make people relate and feel comfortable with him.

[@miketheyunggod2534]

He’s a simp.

[@wufflerdance9481]

being jabba the hut hurts you and the guys who will go after you are way weirder then weird guys going after smaller weighing women

[@Kristen-ek9rz]

what? Get off this thread......

[@wufflerdance9481]

@@Kristen-ek9rz no ....its ok to say someone is fat...im fat myself and need to lose weight...is what it is...get off my thread😂

[@Affordableframe]

That’s definitely a way to keep men away……

[@jaqueitch]

Sounds like an excuse for her not to lose weight. Abuse, accident, etc. etc. etc.

[@ireneswackyjournals8810]

Why are you watching this channel? Clearly you think you know more than psychologists and therapists with PHD and doctors. And you don’t believe in it so why watch it?

[@jaqueitch]

@@ireneswackyjournals8810 Entertainment?

[@alluringbliss4165]

Be thankful you have no idea what is abuse is.

[@jaqueitch]

@@alluringbliss4165 how do you know this?

[@PaperMario64]

@@jaqueitchbecause you’d have a well developed empathy gene and this comment shows you don’t. If you do know about abuse it’s probably your doing.

[@NvrDieNvrSurrender]

I call it going incognito mode 🤣🫠💀