I Gave My Fiance An ULTIMATUM To Cut Off His Late Wife's Family r/Relationships

[@strawberrysangria1474]

Harassment and a vandalism never does well to honor someone's memory. That sister needs to get her life on track before she ends up behind bars.

[@gaaraxnaru]

Both sisters. They both did it.

[@iamalbertwesker2]

And all this is most likely all because 19/24 (I forget which) got rejected after the fiance's wife's passing. She probably thought she could alienate every girl around OP's fiancee to make her the only option.

[@MatildeVallespinCasas]

​@@iamalbertwesker2that and the fact that he is getting married reminds them that life continues

[@elizabethescalante8114]

Same with trying to get with said sister's widower immediately after her death!!! OP should have pointed that out to fiancée and have him harshly question those b*tches about that and call them out on it!! Their reactions should tell him all he needs to know!

[@DK-tq3fy]

Stop this ulimatatums are automatically bad. She made this ultimatum: You are putting me in situations where people abuse me. Either protect me or we break up. See? Not a bad ultimatum.

[@salomerodriguez5145]

Yeah, I find sometimes these "ultimatums" are nothing but valid boundaries.

[@nancyanderson7335]

And let’s be real the late wife’s family issued the ultimatum first at that table argument. Get rid of her or else and the or else was escalating to criminal activity and harassment and slander

[@bluebear3812]

This wasn't an ultimatum, it was setting a boundary

[@Wander85942]

I’m sorry is the wife planning to return from the dead and OP is getting in the way of the resurrection. I understand grief is complicated but also know this unhinged behavior is not okay

[@Azulakayes]

The 24 year old who claims that fiancé would choose her sister over OP certainly had no problem making moves on him 8 months after sis' death...lol. What if she resurrected to find her own sister was dating her husband...just shows you how deranged and entitled these people are.

[@christinacartter9784]

​@@Azulakayesthe sister's argument is moot anyway. If lw were still alive the OP wouldn't even be a factor (probably).

[@ScooterBond1970]

​@@christinacartter9784I always LOL when someone tries to make that argument. "If so and so's dead wife were still alive he wouldn't be dating YOU!" I mean, you'd think (hope) not!

[@tiawheeler1153]

Now you have me thinking of The Corpse Bride movie...

[@locustzedicus2437]

Seems less about the passed wife and more about the 24 year old being obsess with her former brother in law.

[@Fluffy-Rose1993]

I can only imagine how disappointed the late wife would be in her family for their behavior.

[@QueenOfTheZombieApocalypse]

Wow ok I was ready to go off on OP from the title but now I’m with her. The late wife’s family (sisters in particular it seems) are awful awful people. She’s right to issue an ultimatum in this case. This has to be an all or nothing.

[@RisetoStrength]

It would have been a shame if you went off on OP. Expecting all ties born of romance to end before beginning a new one is normal.

[@jenniferdaniels701]

My reaction to the title was, "There better not be any kids." But this case is one where they aren't the AH.

[@TheBlueDsc]

@@RisetoStrength No? Expecting someone to toss all relationships related to a late spouse into the bin for no reason other than because the spouse is now gone is absolutely unreasonable.

[@Ashbrash1998]

​@@TheBlueDscLet alone that it is a part of their partner's history and it isn't going to go away ever because you can't rewind time. Granted you can't stay stuck in the past or a future that didn't happen either

[@RisetoStrength]

@@TheBlueDsc Men don't put up with it, I don't see why women should either. It's called baggage.

[@kimberlyterasaki4843]

Story 1: I suspect husband knew his ex's family were going to be this batshit, hence why he avoided tell them that he was moving on.

[@Cthulus_left_tentacle]

I think so too. Because I listened to the story and he said that.

[@OZARKMOON1960]

#1 - How the hell are they still grieving this much? It's not 7 days, 7 weeks or even 7 months since the late wife passed - it's been SEVEN FRIGGIN" YEARS! So at 22, what was OP's BF supposed to do? Mourn her passing for the next 5-6-7 decades until he died? That is a terrible idea. That family needs couselling and OP is right to issue this ultimatum - especially since they now see fit to harass her and destroy her property!

[@jodyknapp5374]

I agree with Mark. The meeting is not a good idea, especially if you are going to have to take them to court over your car. This family is unhinged.

[@Pastel_Dreams]

1st Story: Given how much I DESPISE people that pressure grieving partners to move on, I also loathe those that guilt surviving partners from moving on with someone new. They're allowed to find love again and start a new chapter in their life. It's so stupid to say that they won't be together if the dead partner was still alive. OF COURSE THEY WON'T BE IF THE DEAD PARTNER WAS STILL ALIVE! But they're not.

[@shadamyandsonamylover]

That’s another dumb thing I hear a lot too, usually from the living new partners tho. “If X was alive you’d go back to her!” Like, she’s dead. That is literally a no-win situation.

[@AM-cv9fi]

OMG I freaking hate that being "the strong one" makes people think it's ok to use you as a doormat and punching bag

[@shadamyandsonamylover]

I dont think anyone thought that in this Story.

[@ComaLies225]

This is a VERY FAIR ULTIMATUM. File the police report and sue for damages

[@twistedmyth5860]

Absolutely. They turned violent. There is no world where demanding someone cut off people that are violent towards you or you leave is an unfair ultimatum.

[@ianesgrecia8568]

This is not even a Ultimatum. This is comum sense. And if the guy has at least one working braincell, he will go NC and get a restraining order against these people

[@BraveryWing26]

Ok the boyfriend turned out to NOT BE AWFUL. I agree with Mark that this "Last Meeting" WILL NOT GO WELL, and boyfriend should just send a message telling them they are deranged and to pound sand

[@ianesgrecia8568]

YEah. Hope they tape or record or something to save the exchange of said meeting. It will help their case

[@salomerodriguez5145]

I'm so mad this is surprising to me 😢

[@helar2574]

You know, i dont think that fiance is doormat, i actually fully believe his explanation, when people that you know from childhood become that unhinged you really can just freeze, you'll need tme to "rewrite" them inside your head, and it's hard

[@sovereigncrux]

People need time to process and this was a huge, perception-changing situation which he needed more than a moment to process. It's not his fault that the sisters were imploding everything so quickly on them, and he did try to put a stop to it to no avail. Those sisters are wild, not a lot of discipline used with their rearing. Hope the punishment fits the crime.

[@errantwinds-up8uu]

I agree with you

[@animeandanimals]

This wasn't a petty ultimatum... It was a question of her saftey

[@CaitlinKelly-mo1ld]

Exactly! I wouldn't even give them "one last meeting"... nope!

[@moonlightauras1]

This wasn't an ultimatum, it was a boundary. Ultimatums are about trying to strong arm someone into doing what you want them to do without any expectation that you will also make changes for yourself. A boundary is something you place on yourself, which is what OP did when she said she would leave if these very violent people continue to have a place in their lives.

[@deusdamnit]

An ultimatum is defined by the outcomes that are set, not by the intent of the request. Any request where someone is made to choose between two outcomes is an ultimatum; it is an "ultimate decision". There's this misconception that ultimatums are bad; they're amoral. An ultimatum does not come with an inherent moral dilemma, it's not morally negative or positive. The problem is that most people experience ultimatums as a device for control. Ultimatums aren't bad, it's just easy to use them for bad things.

[@ElizaBetsy_]

a boundary would be "I will no longer interact with those people" an ultimatum is "you can no longer interact with those people". But as the previous commenter stated they are not always bad.

[@VesnaVK]

​@@deusdamnitthanks, I was going to say this, but you said it better.

[@moonlightauras1]

@@deusdamnit That's a very good point.

[@SidereusOfTheFallen]

@@deusdamnit This! Moral means it's always right, ethical means it's right in the circumstance. People get so hung up on morality, but life works with ethics, not morality. There is barely anything in life that taken out of context is evidently wrong or right - 99.9% of life works with context, motive and consequences.

[@madambutterfly1997]

That’s disgusting. She didn’t even bother to wait a year after her sister‘s death before she made a move.

[@EnDB]

He kept their status hidden. Now they harass her and destroy her property. The fact that she had to ask and he didn't automatically cut them off for that is wild.

[@alisonzunguze8183]

That woman is going to cry.

[@NoisyGaunt]

“Til death do us part” is the vow. And unfortunately, that condition has been met.

[@annem7806]

Too many years have passed, and her family needs to let go. BF needs counseling. BF is becoming an enabler to their grief. Contact the police on the way home from their house. At least you found out before marriage.

[@nightbane2889]

BF is in counsoling, BF will also be cutting them off after one last good bye, moving house, and ultimately choose OP over LW family.So he very much isn't becomming an enabler considering he will be cutting them off even if OP leaves, and as OP still calls him fiance, there still getting married.

[@shadamyandsonamylover]

@@nightbane2889the amount of comments who didnt listen to the whole story is astounding. And annoying.

[@ashaduplessis2772]

Well duh sister if your sister was still around OP wouldn't be a factor. It's not like OP was the AP. They got together long after sister had passed away

[@Deedoof]

This isn't over, the sisters' level unhinged means they probably won't hesitate to ruin OP in another way.

[@SirBitingBen]

Unhinged family + fiancé with no backbone rarely fares well

[@elizabethescalante8114]

This is the perfect example of that kid from Helluva Boss said: "If I wanted to hear from a spineless jackass, I'd rip out your spine and ask you some shit!"

[@gostavoadolfos2023]

fiance has no brain too, did he really thought the parents gonna hugs and kisses after him and his wife filed for police against their 2 daughters!

[@bethanntay]

​@@gostavoadolfos2023 well they aren't very good parents, if they have children that act like this.

[@mpmansell]

Making judgements based on so little knowledge, or compashion shows that the lack of backbone and brains manifests in the comments and not the story. This is even more so from people who are dumb enough to comment before hearing the story out. The real tragedy is that people like this get a vote and serv eon juries

[@iamalbertwesker2]

Comments made before the end of the story rarely fare well either 😂

[@floraposteschild4184]

Did late wife win fiance in a slave raid? This crazy family has NO right to interfere with fiance. And fiance obviously is not ready for marriage. If he is in counseling, it's not the right kind to grow a spine.

[@Azulakayes]

They want him to be a ghost husband when it suits them or to marry the deranged 24 year old. It is as if husbands get passed around from one sister to another upon death. The 19 year old is angry she won't get her turn on the husband train.

[@georgeprchal3924]

Maybe she gave him clothes and accidentally set him free?

[@MMKMoore1]

Story 1 - Fiance made a huge mistake to stay so entwined with his late wife's family to the extent that those sisters felt entitled to him, and an even bigger one to not set boundaries when he started dating again. I'm glad he chose OP at the end, as he should. But I don't think that last meeting will go well. At all.

[@nutty77]

my sister died 10 years ago, and when my BIL(yes we still think of him like that) met someone new, it hurt, but we welcomed her into the family. My BIL is my age, and doesn't deserve to be alone for the rest of his life, just because my sister passed away. Their children (all under 30) did struggle, but realised he has to live his own life, and do support him. OP should report this to the police, and as much as I dislike the 'break up' trend, If he keeps this family in his life, she will never have any peace.They will continue with their spiteful actions and eventually OP will end up with mental trauma.

[@patty-pat-pat]

I'm sorry about your sister 💔 How would you have reacted if you worked as a barista, never saw the new gf in your shop before, and one day she walks in showing off a big engagement ring. You told her you worked as a barista, just not which coffeeshop and one day she comes walking in, out of the blue, and this is how you find out about the engament. Wouldnt you think she did this on purpose? That she wanted you to know?! I feel something isnt right.

[@jd-no7rw]

@@patty-pat-pat Why would it even be the deceased wife's family's business? I mean, I get that he still has ties with them, but in the end, it's his life, and why should he be alone just because his first wife passed? The real question here is why is the family so hung up on him not moving on that they destroy property and harass another?

[@nemanjajovanov]

@@patty-pat-pat The fact that you're following that same train of thought shows there's probably something very wrong with you, just like there's something very wrong with SIL here.

[@MatildeVallespinCasas]

​@@patty-pat-patonly that, if you listen to the story, they do know that OP and fiancé are together.

[@patty-pat-pat]

it isnt their business, but there's a reason OP chose to do this to the youngest sister (a teenager whose brain isnt fully deceloped yet)@@jd-no7rw

[@candicemonique5927]

My uncle (my mom's brother) got married in the 1976. He and his wife had four kids between 78 and 84. He died in 2006 after 30 years of marriage. Auntie found a new man and remarried in 2010. Her kids didn't tell her we were coming, but we all showed up to support her. Our entire family from both grandparents sides filled up the majority of the church. She barely made it down the aisle when she saw us broke down. We were hooping and hollering. Her new husband and his kids are now apart of our family. It was awesome!

[@ruthbeamish8849]

That is so lovely and heart warming

[@Mia-dt3gl]

That’s so gross, his in-laws wanted him to get with his dead wife’s sister.

[@alyzu4755]

Um, OP needs to go to the police NOW! And get away from that psycho family. And probably her fiance, as well.

[@PuppyKatt]

Story 1: NTA I am normally dead set against giving anyone an ultimatum, but I make exception in this case, and similar ones, where it is the victim putting their foot down. I agree with you 100 billion %, and further urge you both to move away, before this grows into physical attacks.

[@dawnstone4424]

Wow. That story…. That is so unfair for those sisters to think he would never remarry. So sad. He does need to cut ties with them. If he doesn’t then OP needs to back out.

[@huskytail]

Oh, they did think they'll remarry, just to one of them and not a stranger 😉

[@paperkay]

Imagine being held hostage by your late wife's family. I do like it how Reddit advice gives OPs the ability to phrase certain things and helps them, in general, to point out certain grievances they might have otherwise overlooked... (In this case, the comment about treating OP like she was a mistress was spot on. And I hadn't thought of the 'sister wants you for herself', even though it was so obvious, but I am just not Reddited enough yet. :)))

[@UsagiArwen]

From the title, I was so prepared to say YTA, but that quickly escalated from the late wife's family. Grief can make people do funny things, but that does NOT condone those funny things...and this is just downright INSANE. They have NO right at all to expect him to remain single for the rest of his life. He needs to be able to move on and find happiness again. That is just absurd. Holy crap.

[@AndyyWithAY]

I don't know why OP even bothered writing here. She's determined to stay with this man. It's way more than one person texting her. How do any of them have her number anyway? Like I always say f**k an apology. Who cares about that. They destroyed her expensive car. She should've been running to the police station

[@GMAMEC]

This! OP is procrastinating and being harassed every hour. What is she waiting for? They are not going to stop. It’s somewhat infuriating because he still wants to talk to the parents while the sisters are causing havoc.

[@MaryTheresa1986]

I would've dumped him on the spot for even asking such a thing. The meeting will just devolve into another fight and attempt at manipulating the fiancé into dumping OP. He'll come back wringing his hands and begging OP to drop the charges and keep the peace. If/when this relationship ends, I wouldn't be surprised if OP's fiancé ends up with the 24-year-old.

[@aalokshah8655]

i mean he is supporting her. He has known these people for a kong time and bonded through grief. He was trying to repair first, but when it wasn’t possible he was with OP. Honestly don’t know what you all want.

[@MaryTheresa1986]

@@aalokshah8655 We want what we said: for OP to dump him.

[@CaitlinKelly-mo1ld]

I wondered how they got her number, too.. I doubt she would have given it to any of these particular people herself.

[@savannahmae3679]

And this is how a healthy person handles having a spouse who's previous spouse died. It's not her fault that the previous spouse's family is unhinged up into the nether region and never bother to emotionally process their grief. Like good Lord, your sister dies and months later you try kissing her husband and you're a minor????? Like what is wrong with you in the head you're either a narcissist, a Golden child, or you are so drunk on grief that you have proceeded to make every bad decision in the book. Honestly at that meeting if I was the future husband I would say that my dead wife would be extremely disappointed in you and utterly disgusted in what you did. I don't care if that's harsh clearly cuddling them hasn't been working. I hope we hear about the update and I hope it works out for them. Like I said I think the husband should have told them immediately if they had told everyone else that he was engaged. But I can't blame them for how he reacted in the coffee shop because we expect most people to act sanely and somewhat rational.

[@iononcantomascrivo]

Good God! This family is unhinged! It's like they have a feud against OP like the Montagues and the Capulets. Resentment of an ex in-law moving on after the death of a relative is quite normal. The fact that they expect him to essentially stay single and lonely the rest of his life is just dumbfounding. This isn't displaced grief. This is sociopathic behavior. I'm glad OP was able to convince her fiance to get behind and support her in filing the police report. Committing a crime like vandalism cannot go unpunished. I'm also glad that they've decided to go fully no-contact.

[@MakiPcr]

This is not an ultimatum, it's protecting a loved one from toxic people

[@TweetyTwT]

OP posted another update just 2 days ago. OP has gotten married to her fiancé (so now husband), and they moved closer to his parents. The sisters have been threatening OP, but then stopped now that the law is involved and evidence is pilling up on them 😂 They also have to pay OP for a new car basically and OP is also suing them for threatening behavior and emotional distress, causing OP and her husband to move. The older sister apparantly also still has a thing for OP's husband. She sent 2 voice messages confessing it but also blaming him for 'leading her on' lol.

[@tyronemadison2573]

The sad thing about story one...He gonna argue about including/inviting to the wedding😢

[@shadamyandsonamylover]

Uh…no he wont

[@myeternalteardrop]

Screaming about how OP is trying to manipulate him all while trying to manipulate him themselves. Classy

[@ScooterBond1970]

I had a similar thought. They birched about her trying to control him when they are the ones trying to control him. Classic projection.

[@AlexRising_]

His ex wife’s family is abusing OP’s fiancé. They would rather he remain alone for the rest of his life than find love again. He was 22. His life couldn’t end when she passed. If he chose it to do it himself, that’s one thing. You can’t force on him.

[@rylashadow18]

S1) Fianace needs to see that message first and foremost. It's perfectly fine to say " I don't want these maniacs anywhere near me." It's one thing to feel hurt it's whole other mario kart race to try and take that hurt out on others. Let fiance know that if you leave they'll have no problem attacking the next person he finds himself involved with. It's not an ultimatium. It's a boundary. They see him moving on as her truly gone not learning to take the love she inspired in him to share it with someone he deems worthy. His love life is none of their business and if he wants to keep them around OP you need to leave. Have him meet them somewhere public or a police station. Going to their home isn't going to be good. If he does meet up with them he needs a friend or someone else he trusts with him there for just in case. I'm glad he realized what it would cost him when catering these Fruit loop brigade members. Go for the full charges and the full amount OP.

[@Empress58]

I HOPE that there are more updates. I need closure and some ppl need to be in jail

[@maxwellmukwevho1383]

Uhmmmm. This family is definitely unhinged... I was thinking the same thing about one of sisters possibly having a thing for him only for one of the comments to mention it... Do they want him to be alone forever or something. Maybe they were hoping he'd get with the other sister and they freaked out when he decided to spend his life with someone else. Either way they need help and OP and her fiance should definitely press charges and I hope they get something out of it. Smh

[@Azulakayes]

Why is there a need for a final goodbye? What will it achieve? These people are unhinged and don't deserve a cordial conversation because they don't know the meaning of it. How is this man supposed to have a goodbye meeting after filing charges together with OP for vandalism and harassment? Does he expect their blessings? Does everything *need* closure? OP is in love with a very foolish man and he will ruin her life.

[@s4rcelle]

Last Update: IDK why the fiance needs to see them one last time for "closure" when he can do that while OP files the lawsuit for her car.

[@ianesgrecia8568]

Story 1: WTH? This shouldn't even BE ultimatum. This is BASIC COMUM SENSE. Those people want the guy to be alone for the rest of his life and be happy about it. WTH? Yeah. File the report. And if the guy is STILL delusional about this horrible family, drop him too. This is the time for him to chose to have his own life of keep living on the past alone.

[@brie1162]

4:22 Wait…before it goes any further….”grave robber”??? Hold on a second…did the fiancé TAKE the deceased wife’s ring OFF HER FINGER at the funeral and then GIVE IT to OP!?!? Why else would they call her a grave robber? Is that why the sister did a double take on the ring, why they asked if she was happy with herself?…so many questions!!

[@britneythomas7965]

OP clarifies this in other comments. Her rings are her own family heirlooms. They think she stole HIM from the grave of their sister

[@landonhagan450]

Flipping cafe tables and screaming obscenities is literally the exact opposite of what Rocky Balboa would do, lol.

[@mostlyghostly7270]

Mark! Yes! You saved my ride home hahaha! Perfect timing 😂 TY for all your hard work!

[@MsUnamusedNerd]

STORY 1: the sisters of the dead late wife are completely out of line especially when they’re grown ass adults??? Their sister is dead and she’s an innocent bystander to their abuse, because they can’t accept that she’s dead and their future/former brother-in-law had moved on. OP did absolutely nothing wrong, and it’s disgusting for fiancé’s former sister-in-law’s, and former father-in-law to act like nothing was done wrong to our OP deserve an apology. The updates were wild, especially hearing how the 24-year-old try to come onto and kiss her dead sister‘s husband when she was still under the age of 18 eight months after her sister‘s death no doubt.

[@asherikamichaela8425]

Wow. That family needs _serious_ grief counseling.

[@ilovesports5468]

Dang, that family is unhinged!!!!

[@merlinathrawes746]

NTA! While marrying a widow or widower comes with its own baggage, LW's sisters appear unhinged and seem to have some deep seated traumas over this. I can understand your fiancé wanting to hold onto something of the past, but given the sister's actions, THEY are making that impossible. File the police report and hope that the CCTV is enough, but understand it may not be. File the lawsuit for damages as well, or better yet, file the claim with insurance and let the insurance company go after them. The insurance company has far more resources than you do OP. How your fiancé reacts to this will have to determine where your relationship goes. UPDATE 1: I hope you are screen shotting all the messages you are getting. But your also need to share these with your fiancé so he can see what you're dealing with. His response to the one message is good though. UPDATE 2: OP, it sounds like your fiancé was allowing you enough time to process as well. Get to the police station and file that report. Get your estimates to the insurance company and I'd have the gas in the gas tank and the oil in the oil pan tested before you even attempt to start the car, Make that part of a shop's inspection as those are the easiest ways to hide damage a vehicle and can be missed. But I would encourage your fiancé to meet his late wife's parents in a public place and to essentially leave the sister's out of it if possible. No need to face their unhinged behaviors in person one last time. Good luck and best wishes.

[@EvilTwin559]

Wherever they end up they're going to need cameras and a security system. If LWF is this unhinged over him proposing to OP, what'll they be willing to do when he cuts them off?

[@sugakookie7985]

That is one way people die, trying to break a relationship even plutonic relationships. He should meet somewhere public and only when they're ready to move.

[@paulastiles5507]

Story #1: Poor OP. I hope this final meeting doesn't go completely pear-shaped.

[@randomaccount-dq1jq]

First story if the OPs partner died I bet they would push their sister to move on within a year of him being buried.

[@heatheraucoin5832]

Fiancé needs to grow a backbone and a new set of ⚽️ ⚽️ Also he took his vows Til death do US part.

[@rhonafenwick5643]

The irony is pretty incredible that the fiance's sisters are accusing _OP_ of trying to control him. What the actual _shit._

[@momo382844]

While simultaneously hitting on her late sister’s man. Talk about trifling.😅

[@artemisvoltaire4743]

New stories! Much love, Mark

[@DameNickum]

I hope for an update. This is a wild story.😮

[@TheBlueDsc]

The most recent update happened yesterday, so I imagine we'll see at least one more update in the near future.

[@venusbleu5764]

Lol this family is unhinged and fiance is spineless af and that is such a terrible combo. It's almost like the family was just as in love with him or absorbed the sisters romantic feelings when she passed. The fact that this is so wildly enabled is even worse.

[@melzied84]

Mark please watch that story! I’ve never wanted an additional update so badly. I don’t think that family meeting will go well either. Thank god for fiancé family, I think they have solid advice and genuine support.

[@LeeLeesBanter]

I think OPs man is worth staying with as he seems to be a very caring & eventually smart man. They should go ahead with their move & file claims for compensation 😊❤ Love the second time around is truly a blessing!

[@onepieceisking5493]

Yeah, that meet up isn't going to go well at all. I already see those two brats attacking op and try to retaliate. I agree that the oldest apparently still has feelings for op's fiance and probably roped her sister into her schemes to run op off. I'm definitely not surprised that they lied to their family about what happened in an effort to sick em on op to try to run op off. Bet it pissed her off that op still stayed then more pissed off when op's fiance didn't fall for her manipulation and other tactics. Their dad is in the wrong for supporting them and defending them. Though I'm not surprised since he got divorced due to defending his daughter when she tried to force herself on op when she was a minor.

[@Tammohawk1]

Those young women are psycho crazy. And I can't believe OP's fiance can't see the problem here. I also can't believe that they seem to think that their former brother-in-law shouldn't ever remarry. What about him wanting kids? I can see him telling the former parents-in-law goodbye, but those sisters lost any right to anything in my opinion.

[@shadamyandsonamylover]

He definitely saw the problem. wtf do you mean

[@TsukiKageTora]

Story 1: the family is so unhinged. Literally expecting this guy not to move on because their family member he was married to died. Seriously, what did they expect him to do? Not move on for the rest of his life since the age of 29? It’s unfair and unhinged to expect that of him.

[@XxXAlexAutopsyXxX]

At first I was like yeah YTA but then after hearing it like damn they don’t want him to move on like he’s supposed to be in love with a corpse forever wtf it’s been 3 years not 3 days since the deaths

[@britneythomas7965]

LW died when Fiancé was 22. He’s now 29. It’s been 7 years

[@tifadreamers]

the entire family is unhinged. I get that they were grieving for the lost of the LW but how many years has it been? they're just clinging onto OP's fiance and using him for their delusions and are forcing him to play along. fiance having no backbone isn't any better. he needs to move on and stop any contact with that crazy family

[@hilarymurray8741]

First story : OP, it looks wvery much as though the LW's sisters have a personal interest in keeping the fiance in their family as they are behaving like jealous girlfriends, and will continue to do so. You are absolutely right in saying he has to cut ties with them as they will continue to behave as they are doing unless he does. It has to be them or you. You are worth more than this. If he does not choose you, you know what to do. Waste no more of your life with him. You deserve so much better. If he chooses to continue with them, it does indicate that he is not over his wife and they will make sure he is tied to them for ever. Good luck, whichever way it goes.

[@bangeryun94]

I'm willing to bet one of the sisters want him for her own.

[@zhukel_marimasko]

Oh shoot, this is one I can actually weigh in on! My brother passed away when he was 15 and I was 14. His GF at the time had a kinda rough home life, and my family adored her. She just kinda never left, we consider her a part of the family to this day (over 20 years later), I call her my sister, her kids call my dad grandpa. When we first met her now-husband, there was only that momentary "we cool?" but we love him too, and he actually comes by our house on his own whenever he's in town. There is a healthy way to move forward, and this family isn't doing that. I can't imagine ever trying to hold my sister back from a long, loving, happy life.

[@jm1670]

Usually, wedding vows include "till do us part." NTA. this dude should have moved on when he started dating you and distanced himself from the late wifes family. They aren't his in-laws anymore.

[@coreymartin6486]

Ops fiancee is naive. A person can pine after a romantic interest for decades....and sometimes a lifetime. The thing to consider is.....who knows when exactly the older sister started pining for him. She tried to kiss him 8 months after her sister's death....but who is to say she wasn't pining for him before that? Who is to say she wouldn't have tried to make a move on him later in life even if her sister didn't die?

[@UchuKejiMovan]

This is why clean breaks from your ex's family is usually necessary

[@someonebored0100]

Imagine thinking someone moving on and finding a new relationship is somehow grave robbing, and that you’re the one who needs to be left alone

[@beingalittleextra]

The way i was holding my breath this entire time hoping he would choose her and not the late wife's family. So happy for them.

[@fred6308]

The vow is “till death do us part “ It should be explained to the family that the vow is to the death of one not both.

[@SkyEcho751]

I'll be honest, I don't fully agree with the clowning on the Fiancé that a bunch were doing. He didn't expect this and was floundering, he wasn't siding with them he just thought "No way, they wouldn't abuse a child, they couldn't, could they?". AFTER the update however, he should have cut them ALL off immediately, because it was clear former SIL was still obsessed with him. She must have switched from "I can replace my sister and 'help him' with his grief" to "Sister was just 'so great' that no-one could match, so falling in love is cheating on her _glorious_ self.", and spun that same stance to the family.

[@margaritap.9459]

Idk, the hiding of the engagement was very iffy on his part and makes it hard to believe that everything that happened was really that surprising for him. And after everything he's still insisting they would never "hurt a child", he still needs a meeting and a closure, sweeps his own lack of spine and awareness under the rug, because OP is a "strong one". I hope this relationship works out, but certain things about the fiance makes me not so optimistic.

[@slytherinlibrarian3501]

I mean, the older of his former SILs made a pass at him in less than a year and he conveniently 'forgot' about it and kept hanging out with the family and celebrating relationship milestones even after having 'moved on' with OP. He didn't expect their vitriol at the confrontation over the car and froze? Really? He'd k own for datlys at that point that they were the ones who wrecked OP's car and wrote 'whore' and 'graverobber' on it. He _knew_ what they thought and was just pretending he didn't.

[@L.L.Shamma]

Story time! Just in time for me to start cooking dinner 😍

[@susankaempfer8427]

Hmmm…. I’m only a couple of minutes in, but I’m wondering where this is going to go. Was one of the sisters hoping to get him for herself? Are they just delusional and think he needs to mourn forever? 🤔

[@Francina-g5o]

I don’t think meeting up with the family for the last time is a good idea . I’ve watched to many crime shows 😳. That may indeed be his final visit .

[@Arhimith]

The sisters want him for themselves. Maybe, they used to have him, shared, you know. OP should dig the whole truth. He was involved.

[@LL-fp5sc]

Poor OP she really fell for it. Hope she opens her eyes.

[@nekolalia3389]

3/4 through the vid - did the family pressure the late wife to get the weight loss surgery, hence (at least some of) the extreme reaction? I’m reminded of the woman who got plastic surgery because her mum and sister were in her ear and made her think her husband would leave her if she didn’t get anything done. (And the result turned him OFF.)

[@michaeldavidryandanielpaul1990]

Update to Story 1: From OP's Reddit. It's looong! This is a copy and paste, the story is still up there. Hey all! So, seems I’ve been naughty because I got temporarily banned on here for 3 days. In chat someone was calling me every derogatory and sexist term imaginable but I was put in time out for defending myself. I appealed but the appeal took the ban time anyway. Oh well. Sorry this update is taking so long for reasons stated above. So we drove down to the police station with our block of paperwork and had a couple hours talk. They were so sweet about everything. As some of you expected, they did say I should have come earlier but they didn’t really care because it was only a few days. They said that it often takes people about this amount of time to actually file charges if they weren’t in immediate threat or danger (so unless someone was about to throw punches.) I handed them everything and it looks like I’ve got plenty of evidence. They’ll be contacting my insurance on my behalf to get the ball rolling and so they can come to do a check of my car themselves. And then they can open a claim with me if I want. (They’re not filing a claim, they’re just notifying about the criminal damages) I’ve filed criminal charges for harassment and vandalism and they’ll notify me with more details about my restraining order this week. My fiancé told the police that he was planning on meeting with LWs family and asked if that would contradict my case and they said no. We’re not married at the time of filing so legally we’re too separate entities in the case. Or something. So, my car is totalled. My mechanic friend, I’m gonna call him Tom because I can’t keep saying ‘my mechanic friend.’ So Tom and his partner at the shop did a full check on my car and this is the damage they found: Shattered windshield 4 slashed tires Two broken windows Paint (obvious, I think) Unknown substance in the engine oil Battered bodywork They said with this amount of damage, I should just go for a new car so that’s what I’ll be doing. If anyone is curious, it was a Volvo. I’d always wanted one and managed to buy one new two years ago. Either they get me a new car if they’d be set back about 60k. Either way I’ll be alright. The amount classifies the vandalism as a felony so they could be looking at jail time too. My fiancé met with the family on Saturday and Tom sat by the window. I currently live in a one party state so as long as my fiancé consents, the recording can be used in my case. While it may not be as drama filled as some of you may want, it was still pretty stressful to see. They met at the same cafe that we did before and Tom sat a few tables away. Fiance arrived after their father and before them. For the best because they managed to have a calm conversation for once. Fiancé told him how he was feeling and FIL was very understanding but still trying to minimise. He was saying things like ‘you know they miss LW’ and ‘they’ll come around and just need time to come to terms with you moving on.’ He kept trying to initiate paying for the damages but fiancé wouldn’t talk about it until the sisters arrived. It was like butter wouldn’t melt with the 24yo but 19 came in like the Tasmanian devil. My fiancé didn’t acknowledge anyone until it had all settled down where then he said this would be his last meeting with all of them and they’d be going their separate ways. He turned to the girls and said that he would miss who he thought they were but the way they could treat people horrified him, especially me. He said that this was all him and they needed to accept that I was not to blame. He even said that it was me who offered the apology in exchange for not filing charges. The 19yo then interrupted asking what charges and that no one was going to charge them for ‘barely touching’ a car. She was a dear in headlights when he asked what they’d done to the engine oil and the two looked at each other. Seems they didn’t expect me to find that out. Queue up the grovelling. 24yo actually tried to touch his hand and told him he had to stop me pressing charges because this would ruin her and interfere with 19yos college. He said it was too late and the cops should be issuing a warrant soon (it can take a few days. I thought it was an instant thing but apparently not.) This is when their dad got involved again and said for everyone to calm down and fix this ‘like adults.’ Now he wants his girls to be adults. I see. He asked if fiancé would convince me to drop the charges in exchange for that apology and he’d pay the damages. When my fiancé said it was 60k, the eyes he gave to those women would shave the hair off a cat. The video wasn’t the best but I swear I could see the colour drain from their faces. I may sound awful but I enjoyed it. Call me what you will. They kept going on about apologising and that they’d pay but he just said it was too late and he was done. He’d tried to be civil but they were the ones that wouldn’t let it go. 24yo actually asked him to set up a meeting with me so they could get to know me and put it all behind us. He didn’t reply and after the silence they piped up again like ‘so she won’t even meet us? So she’s behind all this because she doesn’t want us around. We’ll see about that.’ (Not using exact quotes because I don’t know if I’m allowed so not risking it.) Things like that. They went on and on and frankly it was funny more than hurtful. But they did incriminate themselves more and more for my harassment case and the nail in the coffin was when 19yo said ‘if we can do that to a car, imagine what else we could do.’ That, my friends, is both a confession and a threat of bodily harm. My fiancé said one loud stop before wishing FIL well and telling the girls to not come near me. He then got up and left. That’s where the recording ends because we wouldn’t be able to use anything afterwards anyway. As for moving, we’re pretty much all packed up and have a truck coming on Friday. We’ll be staying with his parents until we find a place. We’re looking at buying this time but might get an RV in the meantime so we’re not all stepping on each other. I doubt his parents would mind at all but. This is the last update for a while I think. I have a wedding to finish, a venue to change, new invites etc and less than 2 months to do it. Send help. But thank you all for being ears and helping me get through this. If only to distract me from ruminating and digging a huge mental hole. Copyright: u/cutofffamilytaway

[@wendyh2708]

Late Wife story. Fiance is spineless and OP comes across as a doormat.

[@canadalovesanime3137]

story 1: I suspect that one of the sisters are infatuated with the guy and the other is in full support of it. They are just waiting for him to be "over" their sister. OP was meant to just keep him warm at night until he "came to his senses" and went for the sister who wants him.

[@erickaennis2738]

To be honest OP is a glutton for punishment. I don't get fighting over a man/relationship when everything surrounding it makes her stressed and miserable. I would've noped outta this crazy a long time ago. These people are never going to give her any peace. I'd leave and make a life far away from this dumpster fire.

[@bobfg3130]

The former sister-in-laws are a problem. The former in-laws are an issue. Her fiancé will have to get rid of the former in-laws.

[@fcold9402]

What kind of crazy people think a widow needs to never date ever again?

[@JasperCatProductions]

Story one wtf is wrong with that sister in law? That is disgusting, I would call police on the nutter! If the fiancé doesn’t end all relationship with them I’d end the engagement. The woman is dead, not the fiancée and gets to live. This dude ain’t the one if he stays with these people.

[@Azulakayes]

She wanted to 'inherit' her late sister's husband and is upset that he is getting hitched with someone else.

[@bobdrooples]

They're lining up younger sis to remarry him back into the family ro keep him. New fiancée ruins that plan.

[@GreenSkye42]

Something to listen too as I draw dragons xP

[@badkitty4922]

Ooooh, I love dragons! We're in the Year of the Dragon in the Chinese calendar, too!😉👍💖

[@broken_queer_but_fighting8589]

Ooo cool

[@rylashadow18]

I'm taking a creativity break myself. My fingies get these horrid cramps and lock up if I don't rest them appropriately. I hope you're dragons come out amazing.

[@jezebelle57]

It’s funny. My immediate reaction was that one of the other sisters expected to marry him. It’s possible that she had a crush on him from the jump. They were okay with letting him heal, but then eventually he’d be coming “home” and marry the older sister now that the third sister is, ahem, out of the way. I’m sure they had the whole scenario worked out. But when it became obvious that HE had moved on, and wasn’t with one of THEM, all hell broke loose. Here’s the thing, the 24 yr. old couldn’t have given a shit about her older sister’s death if she was trying to get with him just months later. They no doubt think of him as “theirs” and the reality of that broken dream is what pushed them over the edge. This isn’t about him moving on. It’s about him NOT moving on with one of them.

[@AdrielDoesGaming]

Good lord that family os horrible and cruel

[@leiliabug5240]

HELLO WAFFLE GANGGG! Something to listen to while I eat 😂❤

[@MaggieLynnHeronHeidelBooks]

That family is bonkers. Ai yai yai.

[@Letha-AnnCooper]

He isn’t ready to move on yet

[@deusdamnit]

We need to stop saying "you shouldn't do ultimatums". Ultimatums aren't bad. There are many situations where an ultimatum is justified. The problem is that ultimatums are often used to manipulate; but, this is a problem with the intent of the issuing party, not a problem with the device itself. Here's the reality: Almost every single enforceable boundary that you can have as an adult is an implied ultimatum. For example, when you have a friend that does a lot of drugs and you can't have that in your life for whatever reason. You can try to talk to them and if they're willing you can try to help them get help; but, if they're not willing you can't force anything onto them. The only option is to walk away. While you shouldn't express this to that friend because of the stakes, you are personally resolving to complete an ultimatum for someone else when you make that decision. That's a really extreme way to describe it, but that is, in effect, the positive utilization of an ultimatum. Your boundaries aren't an ultimatum, so that situation isn't an ultimatum, but it's exactly how you would use an ultimatum to positive effect. The ultimatum OP is posing in this story is exactly this form; she's saying that she cannot have this situation in her life, so he can resolve it or she'll walk. We could say that this is manipulative, we could say that this is controlling; the problem is both parties have full agency. The reason that an ultimatum is bad is when it is used to impair or restrain someone else's agency. This is the only determining factor of a moral wrong caused by an ultimatum. If both parties can utilize their agency, the choice isn't manipulative or controlling; but, because we've demonized this concept rather than cautioned for less extreme solutions, most people look at them as bad and as a sign that they're being manipulative.

[@DK-tq3fy]

If you mean the ultimatum and will follow through with it then it's fine. If you don't use it that way it's just manipulative.