I Got In Touch With Child Mom Gave Up For Adoption, Mom Found Out - AITA Reddit Stories

[@yellowishgreendragon.-.]

First story, the mother doesn't have to have a relationship with that child, and that should be respected. But just as respectfully as a sibling, they have every right to a relationship with their half sibling if that's what they want. It isn't selfish like some people said. It's completely in their right. It's a complicated situation.

[@catherinejones5723]

The whole thing lacked honesty and for thought. Theirs a saying, fools rush in where angels fear to tread. Girl is young but think before you leap also comes to mind.

[@toothless3835]

yeah, but she could go find her when she's an adult. Girl's no more than 12 years old because her father and her mother didn't meet until 30. She's being a pain in the ass kid and not respecting her mother by not talking to an adult sibling until she's an adult. The mother's not going to let her daughter go see this sibling that she doesn't even consider her own. She's not going to let the slibiling come over. The girl needs to wait until she's 18 and can go on her own.

[@AndyyWithAY]

Something is wrong with the daughter. She's an enormous brat. OP should have not given her any money. Everyone is enabling her. You did not make the right decision OP. This will only get worse.

[@Digitalfairy]

Yeah, she may be an adult but she acts like an entitled 6 year old.

[@jamestown8398]

OP may feel like shit now, but I sincerely hope he realizes that his life is better off without his daughter in it. She's utterly inhuman.

[@brigidtheirish]

Yeah. He keeps acting like being a spineless doormat would've made things better. He should just cut everyone who supported his daughter over this out of his life. Maybe move to be closer to his step-daughter.

[@megshells]

i thought i was the only one. the entitlement of that daughter was astounding.

[@cuzican1902]

@@brigidtheirish It was pissing my off with how much he was basically offering himself as a doormat! A prime example of how bad/poor parenting means shitty kids.

[@lsilvaeditor]

Story 2: "She angrily told me that she should've just eloped because of me and my ex. And that it's disgusting that her own parents ruined every aspect of her wedding." No honey, your daughter did that on her own.

[@ComaLies225]

Forreal. Daughter was acting like a huge brat. She should have eloped if she didn't want the stress and she has no one to blame but herself for allowing that stress to build up.

[@pippo17173]

@@ComaLies225 The daughter is just a victim of manipulation and Honestly, She deserve the consqueses for whatever the future hold if she is gonna keep this attitude.

[@aikikaname6508]

Yeah you say that But don’t you know that daughter survived an apocalyptic bomb abd OPs house and mothers house are the only two venues left in existence? There was no way she coulda chose a more neutral venue

[@ipsitamazumdar4849]

She wouldn’t have got that 15k if she eloped. If I had a child who complained I ruined every aspect of her wedding after giving in to all her entitled & nasty demands I’d have made sure to cut her off.

[@Albertrossus]

@@ipsitamazumdar4849 honestly the way it was phrased it kinda sounded like op paid 15k to his ex for her to renovate her home as well as make it ready for the wedding.. whole story sounds like op got extorted out of 15k + had to deal with immense pressure.. honestly if that girl was my fiance i wouldve never gone through with the wedding..

[@GIChiyo]

Story 2: WHY WOULD YOU STILL GOVE HER THE MONEY WTF Now the daughter sees OP as a doormat, he doesn't deserve that kind of treatment, don't give in to her awful treatment of you...

[@jamestown8398]

OP's love is wasted on daughter.

[@MaryTheresa1986]

OP is an a-hole to himself.

[@CRSB00]

@@MaryTheresa1986 oops read "OP is an a-hole himself." my bad

[@00videovideo]

It’s clear that OP does favor his stepdaughter over his actual daughter, but now he realizes how bad it looks so he gave the money hoping it would make up for being a shitty dad.

[@sierrasasmartass7755]

I get that the mom has trauma involving her first child, so OP should definitely respect her not wanting to hear about, see or be around her. The mom also needs to respect that OP wants to have Elissa in their life. They sought her out, have formed a bond with her, admits to looking up to her and regardless of if the mom likes that or not that is OP's choice. You can't force a someone into a relationship nor can you force someone to break a relationship. That kind of respect is a 2-way street.

[@simonO712]

@@melodyharpole8272 Dude, what? She has untreated trauma that makes her take some irrational actions, how does that make her a monster?

[@HandleUnclear]

@@melodyharpole8272 There is a real psychological phenomenon called bonding with a baby during pregnancy; this is usually what we would call motherly instincts in our everyday life. When a pregnant woman goes through trauma it can affect this bonding. e.g a rape victim who got pregnant by the monster who raped them, or a wife who finds out the love of her life betrayed their vows, her trust, their future etc. You are in fact no different than the monster you claim this woman to be. You have shown your incapacity to empathize, have no compassion and immature. The mother at least in this story tried to get help for the sake of her daughter because she empathized with her; you however are worse off and I'm not sure if therapy can even teach you how to be human. Edit: Imagine, you would have rathered a baby be raised by a mother who neither wants it or capable of loving it; and get mad that the mother would rather give the baby to it's biological father who wanted it.

[@kmechwarrior1684]

@@melodyharpole8272 Agree 100%

[@laurenrickman3631]

She may have untreated trauma, but that does not excuse what she did. Furthermore, it does not sound like she has been paying child support for her first daughter. That was the very least she could have done for that child.

[@babyfaceweeb8937]

@@laurenrickman3631 children given up for adoption don't get child support. Tf?

[@harrypotter2700]

The last story both deeply upset and enraged me. It takes so much for someone to be granted a restraining order, especially in a world where violence against men is taken a lot less seriously when the aggressor is a woman. The fact that anyone is on the mother’s side is already bad enough, but the nightmare daughter is only growing up to be another monster like her mother with this terrible attitude. For OP, I sympathize with him, but this toxic relationship is destroying him, he’s putting himself, his current wife, and his step daughter through Hell because he can’t understand how his daughter is still a grown woman who can make her own decisions. I hope one day he can separate himself from that negativity and have a happy life with his family.

[@laurenrickman3631]

I will have to disagree with you about restraining orders. They can vary between states. In my state it is very easy to get a restraining order. You really do not need any proof, but just have to sign an affidavit. The judge does not even have to necessarily fully believe that what is submitted in the affidavit is true. Therefore restraining orders are not seen as a sign of guilt towards one party.

[@harrypotter2700]

@@laurenrickman3631 Ah that’s my bad, where I live a restraining order is very difficult to obtain and usually requires a lot of proof, so it can be used in the future for a case against the other party if they do something again. I didn’t even consider how that wouldn’t apply to some places, thanks for mentioning that. Have a great day :)

[@tiryaclearsong421]

The second story is just sad all around. It seems like multiple members of this family are making this daughter's life miserable and the dad has become the scapegoat. Probably to the delight of his ex. It's not his fault that his daughter's wedding was filled with conflict. The conflict started before she even asked to use his house. I hope someday the father finds peace.

[@Becks-and-books]

the mistake was letting his step-daughter use the house while planning on not letting the daughter use it

[@t.matthies3049]

And had he agreed to let her use his home from the start, the ex and family would have likely done something that led to other kinds of drama, disrupting the wedding, making it look like OP's fault, and a similar result in the end (plus possible property damage). I feel bad for OP, and understand why he feels the way he does, but negotiating with abusers is just a recipe for disaster.

[@jamestown8398]

I came away from that story hating daughter. I don't care what she went through, nothing excuses or mitigates her behavior. She is vile. "I know Mom harassed you so badly you got a restraining order, and that you don't feel safe around them, but I demand you let her and her flying monkeys have a wedding on your property so we can play happy family!"

[@MaryTheresa1986]

@@jamestown8398 With that attitude she'll end up divorced, bitter, and alone, which she deserves.

[@gameasasin]

@@Becks-and-books he didn't plan on not letting her though. If she didn't want her mother/certain members of her family there op would have gladly let her use his home. Daughter could have taken the compromise but decided to be a spoiled bitch that let her egg provider/her family whisper in her ear

[@elisonholace4033]

Why tf did OP give her that money? Even during the meeting his daughter was acting like a spoiled brat. And expecting him to be ok with people he had a restraining order on being at his house is ridiculous. He didn't ruin her wedding she ruined it by siding with her mom's side of the family.

[@Davtwan]

For real, if my own daughter played that shit on me, I’d say “thanks for threatening me with a good time” and leave. Going through all that trauma of being ghosted and uninvited only to be met with that?? Life is too short to deal with an immature adult child that doesn’t understand a divorce is a divorce and harassment is harassment. I can only take “influenced by others” as an excuse for so long. And you’d bet your ass I’d air out all the dirty laundry before blocking everyone involved for good, since they love to play the blame game so much.

[@comajuice]

It shows why she grew up like that tbh

[@sephaya1563]

For the whole story I was like "get youswlf a new backbone my dude". I know it is hard as a parent to let go of your kid but that daughter had no sympathy for the dad, was spoiled as hell and only cared about herself. That money could have been used for the new family that actually is good for him. What does he habe in the end? 15k less, a spoiled brat of a daughter not rly talking to him just because he didn't want to let abusers in his house, his stepdaughters husband needing to change companys and moving away and a bad relationship with his parents. Boundaries should have been placed long ago.

[@pippo17173]

@@sephaya1563 Honestly at this point, Op should of told EVERYONE to fuck off. His own parents are awful, ex wife and family is awful, daughter is awful, anyone who agree's with them is awful so why still be with them?

[@Davtwan]

@@pippo17173 - Wait, what did the step-daughter do? I think you mean his daughter, since she’s the one throwing a fit.

[@TonySamedi]

That YTA judgement on the first story. "Kids have problems thinking parents aren't their property"? I think you've got that backwards buddy. Mom can decide SHE doesn't want anything to do with the kid she bore, I am all for that, but she cannot decide that any other children she has don't get to have a relationship with them if they find each other. Yes, I get a lot of people threatened suicide. I say this as a person who himself was suicidal in his life. I view any "Threats" of suicide as manipulation tactics, more than people being actually suicidal. I'm not a expert or anything, so I admit I"m only going from personal experience and anecdotes, but in my experience the Venn diagram of people who actual attempt suicide and people who threaten to commit suicide has very little overlap.

[@Ax-xo4ux]

Also- the law doesn’t exist. They were talking about an incident in the 20th century where adoption law was under review

[@CouncilEstateRach]

....and with people saying what this person is saying about people ' threatening,' offing themselves is why many are too afraid to talk about it. One munite its like..... oh we shouldn't be afraid to talk about it and then when people do talk it's like.... oh yr threatening to off yrself. We must decide if we would rather people talk about it or keep quiet about it.... which one is it?

[@TonySamedi]

@@CouncilEstateRach Saying "I'm suicidal" and "I will kill myself and it will be your fault" are not even remotely the same thing. Talking about being suicidal is fine, placing the blame for that action on someone else is not.

[@Avrysatos]

i'm glad the mom in story 1 is getting the therapy she's needed for what sounds like decades.

[@Davtwan]

For real, associating someone’s birth to something that she has no control over can’t be healthy. The guilt must have been eating her alive.

[@Avrysatos]

@A H it was an awful burden to put her baggage on her children too though. They didn't ask for that.

[@owl7072]

Story 2: "I should have just eloped, you ruined my wedding!" You had a little hissy fit both in person and on facebook because your father didn't want to let his ex, who did something so horrible that he had to get a _restraining order_ against her, into his house. You completely iced him out and were fully ready to let him get kicked out of the wedding entirely because little miss priss didn't get her way. Then when you asked for 15k and _he gave it to you,_ you iced him out _again_ then came crawling back to reinvite him to the wedding only to then turn around and not even let him walk you down the aisle. The only person who ruined your wedding was _you._ But congrats, the wedding suits you perfectly. A shitty wedding for a shitty person.

[@themousethatroared3371]

SHE created this drama by insisting on the venue being at her father's home, knowing there was enough bad blood for a restraining order and refusing any reasonable compromise. What kind of person does this? Then uninviting her father and his wife to the new venue AT HIS OWN MOTHER'S HOME! Laying a guilt trip on her father whom she put in a no win situation. His wife sounds like a lovely person but she is wrong to suggest he give in to the daughter's demands. The daughter sounds like a manipulative narcissist and the father is her chosen scapegoat and his own mother is enabling her. No matter what he does she will never be satisfied and always blame him for something. She will probably continue to manipulate him in the future by withholding his grandchildren too. Sometimes the best thing to do after being put in a no win situation repeatedly is to distance yourself so you can protect your own sanity. Yes, divorce is hard on kids and the daughter is most likely being manipulated by her mother, but she is an adult now and old enough to make her own choices in life. She chose to manipulate her father into giving in to her demands that would put him and his wife at risk and when he suggested reasonable compromise she vilified him on social media. She has zero respect for him or his safety but feels entitled to ask for his money and call him the bad guy? No. Just.. no.

[@spiritthesnowyowl8948]

@@themousethatroared3371 Um, you realize this person is talking towards the daughter, right?

[@themousethatroared3371]

@@spiritthesnowyowl8948 Yes of course. I was just strongly AGREEING and adding my two cents.

[@spiritthesnowyowl8948]

@@themousethatroared3371 ah, my bad, I misread your comment

[@Russman67]

Ultimately I think that everyone will know about Alyssa after mom works it out a little bit in therapy. But there will be a problem with the other siblings questioning why they weren't told. I'm glad OP will get to meet her sister though.

[@Russman67]

@Melody Ackerman true. And if she truly doesn't use the tools she is taught, then it's just for show. Here's hoping she uses the time and then uses the tools

[@志瑜杨]

Exactly. I see another situation brewing with the siblings.

[@amandab8433]

I am always so happy when these types of situations work out for everyone. I (51f) have been looking for my brother, who lives in Canada, for years. My dad met her when he was in the army, early 60's. He was an African American, and she was a Caucasian nurse, so back then the relationship was not condoned by most people. My dad was an abusive a$$hole, so she left him, and only told him about their son after he was born. By then he met my mother, who he had 4 kids with, me being the youngest. I didn't grow up around him, see above a$$hole remark, but he and my grandmother told me about this other son. So that's my trying to find my sibling story.

[@catherinejones5723]

Yea it's important that she gets to have what she wants at the cost to others. Screems me, me, me.

[@suzieseabee]

My daughter figured out she had a half brother even though nobody would tell her anything. She went and spilled it and caused a big ruckus. Maybe someone should have been honest with her.

[@Emily-ck9ji]

You mean .. you?

[@Melanie-jy2nw]

She’s your daughter. You should have been honest with her.

[@nationalinstituteofcheese3012]

I mean…..she’s your daughter

[@hendyo_98]

Their daughter. They didn't say that they were the parent of the Half-Brother, therefore not their problem

[@mk_gamíng0609]

@@melodyharpole8272 Seriously your the evil one, in this comment section.

[@Digitalfairy]

Story 2 NTA at all. I know the biological kids don't have to accept family members but this turned into a bizarre circus, OP's daughter is nothing but an entitled vindictive brat.

[@growinghigher420]

So mom in story 1 wants nothing to do with the daughter she abandoned but got salty when she heard Elissa doesn't want anything to do with her 🤔🤔 seem like Elissa dodged a bullet 😂

[@KyrieChii]

I was confused by that reaction too... OP's Mom told Elissa, who had tried to contact her as a teenager, not to ever contact her again, but then is somehow 'sad' that Elissa (as an adult) is no longer interested in trying to reconnect with her? Mom made that decision years ago, so I'm not sure what she was expecting.

[@lovelysakurapetalsyt]

Yeah she acts like Elissa needs help for a so-called "issue" because she doesn't want to talk to the person who abandoned her

[@chyme2465]

@@lovelysakurapetalsyt the way your replying to every comment to validate your opinion 😭 man you must really hate people who give their children up for afoption huuh

[@chyme2465]

To be fair it's the op's assumption, not what her mother said so 🤷‍♀️

[@lovelysakurapetalsyt]

@@chyme2465 You're reaching like crazy, seriously? I don't fucking CARE if someone gives a kid up for adoption, it's their choice. But when it comes to a point where a parent blames their own kid for cheating and throws them to their other parent that's literally abandonment

[@jennilynne1977]

In the first story, I believe the mom asked OP not to tell her siblings, but only until the siblings are the age OP is now. It's not quite as bad as being told not to tell the siblings at all. I'm guessing that the reason mom doesn't want the siblings knowing until they are older so that they are old enough to understand why she gave Alyssa up for adoption

[@jennilynne1977]

@@melodyharpole8272 true, I can just understand why she would tell OP not to say anything to them until they were a certain age so they could better understand.

[@pippo17173]

@@melodyharpole8272 Feels like she is over pushing her victim hood. Ya cheating fucking sucks but stop putting blame on the child. Seroulsy victims of cheaters need to fucking stop on that.

[@AndyyWithAY]

Based on the title for story 2 NTA. If you had a restraining order against your ex and multiple of her family members that's a valid concern. 15,000 is plenty for a venue. The daughter is just being vindictive

[@sharonconnolly3820]

Perhaps your daughter is not mature enough to be getting married and family encouraging her to be entitled, I notice she welcomed the money. Cordial is a great response to manipulation. Your daughter needs the independence her choices created. Discussion is great, but her life is not your business.

[@brigidtheirish]

Story 1: NTA. Mom doesn't want to see Elissa, fine. She told OP that she doesn't want to be forced into meeting Elissa, fine. Never said *OP* couldn't talk to Elissa until *after* finding the text messages, though. OP was honoring her mom's boundaries by *not telling her.* Woman needs therapy. I also have some serious doubts about that 'soft YTA' comment. It's *illegal* for adopted kids to have contact with their non-adopted siblings? What if OP and Elissa had met in an online forum without knowing they're sisters? Would that still be illegal? And the law was made to *protect* manipulative women who used suicide to threaten their children? The hell??!! Update: And it all ended well. In your *face* YTA commenter! Story 2: Just had to hear "restraining order" to know that OP is *not* the asshole. What the *hell* is his daughter *thinking* even *inviting* these people? He'd be a spineless doormat if he gives in, though. *Wow.* And his *family* is harassing him?! What part of *restraining order* do they not understand? Mini Update: *HIS PARENTS ARE HORRIBLE!* Update: Wife made a *HORRIBLE* suggestion. No. *Not okay.* I wouldn't have given the daughter the money, either. Consider that bridge *burned.* And his wife *again* encouraged him to be spineless and give in. This is *not okay.* Even after all this, the daughter *still* blamed OP and couldn't say *one nice thing* to him. There is no hope for this relationship. Just let go and don't give her any more money.

[@audreym3908]

Story one: yep I agree with you on everything, including the YTA comment, like WTF?? I was literally blinking my eyes like that meme guy hearing how stupid they sound.🙄

[@johnatandelacuso4174]

@@audreym3908 dum dum literally called op 'kiddo'. Like who does that unironically?

[@itsjustmaddisen]

The way the YTA commenters went on carrying on like they knew OP’s situation and their language writing made me want to smack them. I hope their ongoing addiction with sniffing glue is treated and that they’re hungry for some humble pie.

[@itsjustmaddisen]

@@johnatandelacuso4174 cringey boomers.

[@kristinmartin2899]

There’s no way it’s illegal I call bullshit and troll. Especially as it’s in the best interest of the child for contact.

[@TheIronwil]

Story 2: What am I listening to here? OP has been done VERY dirty throughout this entire debacle. He suffered so much harassment from his ex and her family that he was successfully awarded a restraining order. The fact that it's expired only means they haven't continued to be an active threat or to OP's life. It DOES NOT mean they should ever be permitted inside his HOME ever again. Holy crow, I just don't even understand this. Had I been OP, I would be outraged at all of this. I can't believe he actually gave his daughter that money and came to the wedding alone. Seriously... WTF??? And his daughter is still mad at HIM? Well, cry me a river. I cannot believe OP even wondered if he was wrong in this case. His daughter straight-up used him for the money and then was ugly to him anyway. OP needs to reassess his life.

[@Mewse1203]

Stpry 1: NTA OP gets to choose the relationship she has with other people. Mom needs to understand that she doesn't get to decide that for OP. She may have cut off her daughter but she is also OP's sister and regardlessof what happened to Mom, Op is allowed to seek out a relationship. OP followed Mom's boundaries and didn't try to reunite them.

[@idkman290]

she gave her daughter for adoption that is not cutting off anyone tf

[@Mewse1203]

@@idkman290 what do you call it when you give a baby up and then refuse to ever meet them? Thats cutting them off....

[@jonahhex18]

@@idkman290 She didn't just put her up for adoption, she made every effort to put up boundaries. She made it clear that she wanted nothing to do with the daughter, even when the daughter attempted to make contact. That's not a bad thing, but it definitely is cutting her off. How else would you describe that?

[@carmenbarrera80]

#2 it's so sad how OP's daughter just see him as a bank account, OP's daughter is a common Bridezilla and bratty woman.

[@lancerevell5979]

Some years back, a cousin (Mother's sister's daughter) found that our Grandmother (Mom's mother) had a daughter before marriage, simply scandalous in 1950s Indiana. The girl was put up for adoption. No more was ever said, and we never knew. Once the now retired woman was found, she was invited to our family's reunion that year. She and her husband attended, and all went well. We younger members now had a new "half-aunt". Sadly all that generation, except Mom's youngest sister, my Aunt Kay, are now deceased. I keep in touch with Kay (now 80).

[@kateworkman921]

Did you mean 1940s? Because I'm assuming the daughter before marriage your grandma had would have been before before your Aunt Kay, and there's no way your Aunt Kay is 80 if she was born in the fifties or later. My dad was born in 1950, and he's 73.

[@HackiePuffs]

Honestly I feel like the other siblings shouldn’t be left in the dark about Elissa. I’m happy that OP is building a connection with her but what if one of if not all her siblings suddenly find out she was having a good relationship with a half sister they’ve never met before?? If I were one of those siblings I don’t think I would take it too well. I hope things can still work out between everyone in the family and yeah I hope someone lets the kids know at some point.

[@dzll]

That's what confused me. Wasn't OP upset her mother didn't tell her sooner? So I guess as long as she gets what she wants it's all good

[@thedestroyasystem]

@@dzll I don’t know, it’s a tough situation. I think OP would be an asshole if they told their siblings, but I also think mom is the asshole for hiding it from them.

[@HackiePuffs]

@@thedestroyasystem I don’t think she would. If the mom is adamant about hiding it from them forever then yeah OP definitely should have an open conversation with them at some point. They deserve to know about this.

[@darkshadow5581]

Also, the type of relationship she's building feels weird to me. She's just realized who this person is and according to the wedding comment, she might very well already want this formerly random person over their mother? I don't think it's wrong of OP to reach out and even get to know their sister, but that wedding comment just disgusts me frankly.

[@sampa2nyc]

i think the other siblings will be told when they are older.

[@Becks-and-books]

Story 1: absolutely NTA, if that first YTA commentor can say parent's don't belong to children, they have to understand that children don't belong to parents. They exist beyond the exitence of their parents. Adoption is also a fairly morally neutral act (though, I'm largely against adoption in like 99% of cases, but wouldn't be against it in OP's mom's situation). OP did nothing wrong in wanting contact with her sister, because regardless how the mom feels, OP feels like this is her sister. The mom can't dictate that relationship, or whether OP gets to have a relationship or not. If OP's mom is so adamant that OP doesn't get a relationship with her sister, the mom risks losing contact with OP when OP is an adult.

[@gregjayonnaise8314]

Tbh, that first YTA sounded absolutely deranged. It was almost like they were implying that if OP’s mom killed herself it would have been OP’s fault. Not to mention that the update showed it REALLY wasn’t that deep.

[@andreawalker8343]

Yeah that comment was insane. And so condescending to Op.

[@Avrysatos]

I'm not sure why it's her mother's business who her friends are so long as they aren't harmful people.

[@Becks-and-books]

@@gregjayonnaise8314 some people really think parents deserve more rights than children do. that op sounds like they'd traumatize their child for their own benefit imo

[@anonymousbrooks8194]

@@gregjayonnaise8314 right? I despise people who use suicide as a manipulative tactic. "If you don't do exactly what I want you to do I'm going to commit suicide, and it's all your fault." Op as well as the other siblings have a right to know who Alyssa is, and a secret like that can't be a secret forever it's bound to come out. Even after the mother's death.

[@MiraTheWarlock]

I've seen people who have nearly gotten MURDERED have a hard time getting a restraining So if OP has had one, it's serious business Honestly I wouldn't even care if stepdaughter has become a favorite after this story, she didn't shun OP for not endangering himself to appease her Edit after update: Good lord, will you stop whipping yourself for this spoiled self-pitying brat already?!

[@jamestown8398]

I agree. Daughter was inhumanly evil in this story.

[@carolroberts4614]

Viking Empress, she is a nasty piece of work,and it seems the grandparents have helped to turn her into the spoilt brat that she is!

[@yuniesan]

I remember the second story when it had happened, and honestly OP's daughter needs therapy, I feel like she's going to regret losing her relationship with her father one day. I feel like all of the problems are at the fault of the mother (OP's ex) and he's being blamed because they've been blamed for everything. The grandparents thought that she needed more attention because her parents are divorce, well considering how toxic the mother was it sounds like OP tired his best and all that happened was that they favored their granddaughter over supporting their son. I know people want to speak for the daughter, but I want to know why she didn't stop and think about what was causing the majority of the problems before running off to post about it on Facebook, why hadn't she stopped to think about why her father was uncomfortable with his her mother being at his house? He needs to send his daughter the post and then have a discussion about all of this before they can move on.

[@jamestown8398]

Therapy only helps for people who *want* to get better and to do right by others. For sociopaths like the daughter it probably wouldn't do any good. I know it'll be hard, but I think OP should write her off as a loss because his love is wasted on her.

[@brigidtheirish]

You mean she's going to regret losing access to his money when he finally grows a spine and closes the daddy ATM.

[@deborahyoung1873]

Frankly, if my child done me that way, I wouldn't consider them my child anymore. If she wants someone to give her money I would tell her to get it from her worthless mother and never contact me again.

[@yuniesan]

@@jamestown8398 i know but I just feel bad for OP he sounds like a loving father who got the short end of the stick. I hope he and his wife move to be closer to his stepdaughter at this point, a fresh start might be good for him

[@jamestown8398]

@@yuniesan I agree. OP didn't deserve any of this, and I can only hope his life gets better.

[@jamisonosborne]

Story 1: NTA The bottom line here is that when a person gives up a child for adoption they automatically lose any right to dictate anything regarding that child. That child hates you, too bad. The children you do keep want to meet them, too bad. If you don't want to be a parent, fine, but don't think your trauma overrides the trauma the child you tossed out went threw, after you threw them away. OP's mom should be hearing the sound of the chickens that are coming home to roost when the rest of the siblings find out about this.

[@lovelysakurapetalsyt]

It's even worse too, the mom literally said Elissa had "issues" for not wanting a relationship with her when she abandoned Elissa

[@idkman290]

Story 1: Op is the asshole.The mom should have never told her.

[@thewizardcat9742]

@@idkman290 how is op an ass?

[@audreym3908]

@@idkman290 So what will happen if OP ever found out about her sister and some else told OP instead of her mom? OP would've never forgive her mom for keeping this a secret and never telling them in the first place. It's like you thought that the person who raised you was a parent but instead was a grandparent and the sibling who you thought you grew up with was actually your parent when they had you young, your whole life changes and you don't know what to think, feel, do, or say other than acting out. Especially if they were never gonna tell the kid about it.

[@paigemosher8697]

@@idkman290 You're a disgusting person if you genuinely believe that.

[@ronnieman87]

But she wasn't angry enough to say no to 15 grand. Would have told my "former" daughter and "former" family to pound sand.

[@owl7072]

Story 1: I don't like how that one comment essentially said "People threatened to kill themselves over something like this. Think about that." If the mom threatens literal _suicide_ in an attempt to keep OP from talking to their half sister then she has more important things to worry about like getting some fucking therapy for instance. _Anyone_ who tries to use suicide as a means to make someone do/stop doing something is a shit person. That should not be put on a _child_ who just wants to talk to their sister. Edit: I mean this in the most lighthearted way but _why_ does the wedding/spring break invite sound like the beginning of a lifetime movie

[@RokoFireFox]

I feel bad for the last op. His daughter blaming her parents. While yes it is. It's clearly the op ex wife and her family are the ones who really are to blame in all of this. For their to be a retraining order involved shows someone went to far. As someone who has a restraining order on somone currently. I wouldn't want the person i have it on to have access to my home no matter the reason.

[@marshmello3455]

Story 1: That YTA with the talk of suicide and all that rot is a giant jerk. People are allowed to have relationships with their siblings. OP's mom can be sad about it all she wants, but throwing a hissy-cow about OP and Elissa being friends or Elissa not wanting anything to do with her bio mom is ridiculous.

[@jayc7171]

Right!? Thst pissed me off so much

[@soogymoogi]

Thank you! That commenter was awful.

[@Purrrple]

What in the blue hell is wrong with all the YTA folks on story 1? Especially the one trying to chastise and traumatized her with talk of people committing suicide? The only people who are AHs in this story is the ex husband for cheating and the mom for punishing BOTH daughters for what the ex did.

[@WhtAbtBob10]

That comment pissed me off. It's manipulative as crap and not helpful to the situation at hand. The person just kept going on and on about it too like they were trying to guilt OP into something.

[@iris5678]

I hated that comment. "Oh women have threatened suicide and self-harm and you may have done that too! But don't feel bad!"

[@stirlingarcher7972]

The mom should never have told OP about Alyssa if she didn’t want a relationship with her, she opened that can of worms for no reason.

[@brigidtheirish]

I also don't believe for a *second* that there's really a law like that. How the hell would you enforce it? What if the kids meet and become friends without knowing they're related? Is it still a crime?

[@carolroberts4614]

What about all those people who find relatives they didn't know about on 23 and Me and others? Lots of them must be adoptees. Redditch is so sanctimonious sometimes!

[@Oblivionic]

Story 2: what a nightmare. The poor guy got bullied and manipulated by his own daughter. She deserves nothing but shame for her behavior.

[@damien678]

oh man story 1's ending was so great and story 2's was so gutting

[@lovelysakurapetalsyt]

Ugh NTA first story. Doesn't matter what the mom thinks, she needs serious therapy. She puts the blame on HER OWN FIRST CHILD FOR A PREVIOUS BAD RELATIONSHIP, then starts probably fake crying about how OP hurt her??? How does it hurt HER if her daughter wants to know a fucking sibling??? Edit after update: wtf the mom of OP said her first daughter needs to "work through her issues" because she fucking abandoned her own daughter and acted like she is to be blamed for something she didn't do?! What is fucking wrong with that mom???

[@Weirdandwonderfull19]

Smiling like an idiot after Story 1 update. Love a happy update 😁

[@smellyolegoat150]

I can only say one thing. OP was not in the wrong. OP has every right to know and have a relationship with her sister. The update was wonderful news. I totally agree with Mark. The sooner the younger siblings know about their sister the better.

[@cnow82]

Last story. That family sounds toxic af. Good lord. He should take his wife and limit contact with anyone else that thinks it was ok the daughter acted like an entitled bridezilla.

[@shikarixox1195]

Tbh I don't really get people's obsession with relatives they never had any sort of connection to. It's incredibly weird and creepy to me. Blood or not, you are complete strangers and had no reason to desire contact with this stranger.

[@iamalbertwesker2]

Story 1: awfully presumptuous of OP's mum to assume they're trying to reunite her with the daughter she doesn't want Story 2: sounds like a combination of ex whispering toxic stuff in daughter's ear and years of enablement by OP's parents caused his daughter to have a sense of entitlement.

[@Sensansenkai]

In story 2, I can't imagine asking for 15k from someone and then telling them they ruined my wedding. Like ?????? I'm sure there's plenty going on in that relationship that we don't have insight into but my god.

[@Sakuraqueen]

Wow! I felt so sorry for OP, there was no way for him to win! So many people were whispering in his daughter's ears, plus the stress of planning the wedding, it seems she was easy to manipulate! I am just grateful and thankful that I come from a very loving family! They might be loving and caring but they do not take crap from anyone 😂😂 especially from entitled assholes! OP was between a rock and a hard place! Felt so sorry for him.

[@SK98765]

Story 2: Honestly, if she knew her parents didn't get along, she should've known about it and not tried forcing them to be a big happy family for her wedding. She should've known ahead of time it would've caused a problem. My family isn't amazing either. There are people in my partner's family that does not get along. Guess what? The ones who will start the fight aren't invited. And for her it's not just a "don't get along" situation, there was a government order about them not being around each other! That's not something you get just from being mean and a gossip or spreading lies.

[@WhtAbtBob10]

Story 2: Cut the daughter off. She's a spoiled brat. If she can't understand why having everybody together is a bad thing then OP is better off without her.

[@Argonisgema]

the daughter cut him off but op didn't want that.

[@WhtAbtBob10]

@@Argonisgema I wrote this before the update. I know OP is hurting because of that but he really is better off without her in his life.

[@CocoCece08]

If the daughter pulled that crap with me, oh, she'd have to pick her teeth up off the floor. All of them.

[@Argonisgema]

@@CocoCece08 you should never use violence.

[@karimuffin]

Story 1: The YTA person needs to take a chill pill. My goodness. Adoptees ultimately have the right to know of their siblings--sometimes parents wait until adulthood to tell them and that typically goes over poorly--but informing a child that they have siblings in a vague way is better than leaving them in the dark. I speak from the perspective of an adoptee who has watched other adoptee's flip out because they suddenly find out they have siblings all along. ...I understand that Mom is allowed to feel how she feels, but depriving her child of the information that they have an older sibling is a Bad Idea. I have witnessed that back fire on the parent throughout the years. Oh the drama. And as someone who was adopted and cut off from their bio siblings (not by my parents but by their parents) I'm more than little bitter about what I could have had. I'm glad that everything is working out in OP's favor. Though keeping it from the younger ones might bite everyone later. They're at least taking baby steps. Story 2: NTA. Also what... what is wrong with his freaking daughter? Like restraining orders aren't given out like candy--that obviously means there's bad blood between him and his ex-wife. As an adult she should be understanding that things aren't always "forgive and forget." And the fact that the daughter ruined things for other people feels gross. I wouldn't want someone like that in my family.

[@ItsYaBoiV]

First story, I'm inclined to say NAH. There's lots of defence of the mother here, but none for the sister. This poor woman had to grow up in a situation where her adopted mom was the affair partner and she was given up because the bio mom hated her just for being the child of a cheater. Not saying the bio mom was in the wrong for her feelings, but she's not the only victim in this situation.

[@ravanpee1325]

What has that to do with the OP...OP is just about "I want to have a sister" and me me me... doesn't wonder about the Moms or Elisas feelings much..

[@desireeloveros1055]

@@ravanpee1325 She has a right to know her family. OP NTA for wanting to meet her sister Mom’s NTA for not wanting anything to do with bio daughter Sister’s NTA for reasons above especially since the unfortunate circumstances surrounding her birth. Everyone’s feelings are valid here

[@ravanpee1325]

@@desireeloveros1055 Yes, but not everyones feelings are considered here in the story. The mother's feelings are devaluated all the time. I doubt that the family will survive this in the longrun.

[@lovelysakurapetalsyt]

@@ravanpee1325 The mom literally said her own first daughter had "issues" because she doesn't want to talk to the woman who abandoned her. You NEVER act like it's a child's fault for something a fucking adult did

[@ravanpee1325]

@@lovelysakurapetalsyt Do we know what happend in their communication before when the daughter was already an adult? Both have trauma for sure.

[@NettietheFish]

I just wanted to comment on the commenter that claimed that OP and their family could face legal ramifications for contacting the adoptee without express permission. Basically, the birth family can't contact the adoptee if they are a minor. OP's half-sister is an adult so the law doesn't apply. PS Your pronunciation is accurate. However, here in Toronto, we don't pronunciation that last T. Here we say Toron-no. lol :P

[@LaineyBug2020]

Last story, if that's how his daughter behaves on a regular basis, I can see why he likes his step daughter more...

[@madgevanness4011]

Last story: you could have restroom attendants and other security disguised as waiterstaff and maids to block off the house and watch other sensitive areas. Probably cost less than 15K

[@AKASANJEEWA]

The fact that your daughter didn't realise that her mother who were annoyed with you for not letting your house to be used as the wedding venue ultimately said you and your new family should not be allowed at the wedding and your daughter had to fight for you, should make your daughter realise how messed up your ex is. What if you let them use your house? You might have asked to leave your own home. Or the fact that you had a restraining order over them and not the other way around should make her realise who's toxic. And if that didn't open her eyes and continue to be mad with you then let her be. I know she is your daughter but the fact that she could allow her half brother and her mother's family in but not your wife or her step sis, shows how she feels about you and your new family. It's a sad fact but you need to accept that.

[@danishaussie63]

S1: Im glad the mother is getting therapy, she really needed it!!! Unless your adopted, you have no idea what its like to know you have siblings out there, and off course more often than not want to meet them. The mother and 'daughter' dont have to meet but she cant and shouldnt stop either of them getting to know each other. It's a natural curiosity that never goes away, thats just the way it is. The update to the story did sound very positive I thought. Maybe in time, she/they, will be able to converse with each other. It's not a nice feeling inside knowing your birth mother doesnt like you through absolutely NO fault of your own. There's ways of going about it and being a bitch isnt one of them. Whats the point, it just causes conflict, tears and bullshit. Sooner or later, those family secrets come out one way or another, believe me, THEY DO lol... and specially with todays technology. Good luck to you all, remember one day at a time.

[@louellacharlton4425]

Tyvm Mark. Stay safe please. PEACE

[@christinahaythorne3633]

S2: that is absolute bs. His daughter is acting entitled and rude. Eff that, she obviously cares about nothing but herself.

[@LetUsNotForget1]

I honestly think Elissa needs therapy as well not just the mom. She needs to process why she was put up for adoption and the feelings from that.

[@ArcticWolfGod]

Story 2. Man I feel so bad for OP and his wife and step daughter. Quite honestly, they'd probably be better off without his daughter and all these other toxic folks. Unfortunately it doesn't sound like OP is gonna do anything about it, at least at this moment, and will probably continue to be abused for a long time to come. It just really sucks seeing someone being treated so badly by a family member who they love.

[@babygirl_lunaa9096]

Story 1: About that soft YTA comment. I can't find a law stating that it is illegal to contact your birth siblings without express consent from the parents in Ontario. If someone has a link, it would be appreciated so that I can know that I'm wrong on this. When I heard the description of the law, it felt wrong especially in the way that it was made to protect manipulative people. NTA, you are allowed to make contact with her if that is what makes you and her most comfortable, and you were respecting your mother by not involving her in your relationship.

[@themousethatroared3371]

Story 1 Maybe it's time for mom to get therapy for her trauma, even if she still chooses not to have any contact with Alyssa, so that she can deal with possible future situations like her daughter's wedding.

[@targetedandfiring4336]

Wait so the dad spent $15 k on his daughter's wedding and didn't even stay for the celebration or get to walk her down the aisle. It sounds like he wasn't even welcome at the wedding! I'm sorry but what?! At that point I think I'd disown the daughter wtf. I'd disown the whole family because it sounds like a toxic environment to be in.

[@carolynkenney3330]

Hi Mark. I just wanted to say I've been really sick for weeks now and discovered you and subed recently. Every night for weeks I fall asleep to you and your soothing voice telling me stories. I can't tell you how much it's helped. Thank you and much love.

[@carolroberts4614]

It's great here isn't it?I have been here since Christmas 2020 when things were bad and we couldn't get out much! Now I'm here every evening!

[@AshesFeu]

Hi Mark! Canadian here, you pronounce Toronto perfectly 😊 Ontario however is pronounced on - teh - ree - oh. Think of the "a" in Ontario as the stereotypical "eh" Canadians say, instead of an "ah" sound ETA - thank you for making my work days more enjoyable. I love listening to your videos between calls!

[@Purrrple]

Fellow Canadian born in Toronto and no, you are incorrect. The a in Ontario is pronounced AIR, not eh/ay. awn-TEAR-ee-oh.

[@AshesFeu]

@@Purrrple hi hi! I think we're pronouncing it the same way ☺️ I just don't think I explained it perfectly. I see the "a" in "air" as an eh/ay sound as well, but quickee if that makes sense? Lol. I probably shouldn't have took it on myself to explain the pronunciation 😂 I was originally going to write the pronunciation as On- tare-ee-oh (just because tear has two pronunciations and didn't want to confuse anyone, haha) but Googled the phonetic writing for it and got what I put above. Thanks for your input!

[@deppnut1]

@@Purrrple Fellow Canadian from the Toronto area as well. You explained the pronunciation perfectly.

[@fnjesusfreak]

@@deppnut1 American from just across the ditch. Yeah, sounds about right.

[@Kanime18]

Another Ontarian here; I always find it fascinating how non-Canadian youtubers seem to mispronounce Ontario so frequently (even if it does also irk me) 😂

[@tetrazelda5793]

Canadian here! Your pronunciation is better than most locals here haha. We've gotten lazy and just say To-ro-no instead of ron-to. Made me smile hearing you laugh and apologize when you were perfectly okay!

[@MarkNarrations]

Haha sounds like us when we say British, we actually say "Bri-ish"

[@shizanketsuga8696]

4:14 This commenter sounds just insane. If I interpret her comment charitably I can only assume that she has her own trauma somewhat related to the topic and is projecting quite a lot, but that still doesn't make her reasoning any more valid. 1. OP made a decision about _herself._ In no way, shape or form did she act as if her mother was her property. She actually tried to leave her mother out of it. The commenter is begging the question here. 2. People can give up children for adoption for many different reasons. _Some_ may be very selfless, but even _that commenter_ could come up with very selfish reasons for doing so if she was giving it half a try. Claiming that giving up a child for adoption is generally the most selfless act a person can commit is absolute nonsense. 3. The commenter claims OP had no consideration for her mother's feelings when the fact that she hid the messages from her mother shows that she in fact did. It's her mother's snooping(?) that led to her involvement at all. So, that's a lie. 4. Being contacted is not the same as contacting someone, so the legal situation in that regard is irrelevant unless Canadian lawmakers were daft enough to blame adoptees for other people's actions. 5. The part about the women threatening suicide is not only completely irrelevant, because the actions of a teenager are not equivalent to changing a law nor did anybody choose to contact OP's mother, it is also a pretty overt case of emotional manipulation. 6. With the assertion that OP knew she was wrong the commenter is, once again, begging the question and, once again, trying to emotionally manipulate her.

[@janglesthearsonist5265]

Story 2: NTA OP did nothing wrong, he just didn't want his ex-wife and her family getting a chance to invade his house! He offered to make accommodations via porta-johns or to give his daughter 15k for another venue. His own mother extorted that money from him to make home renovations to her property where OP's daughter was choosing to have a wedding that at the time of OP's donation neither he, his wife, nor his stepdaughter were invited to. After the shit show that was the wedding it is clear that OP's been taken for a ride! I he hope gets his restraining order renewed for his ex's family and he needs to go low or no-contact with his blood related family including his spoiled brat of a daughter and his greedy mother. OP's daughter sounds like she's worse news than stage 3 pancreatic cancer!

[@als2480]

Okay so the comment about communication between bio siblings being illegal, and all the justification pisses me off so much as a bio sibling. MAYBE the issue is the fact we traffick kids rather than support families in distress.

[@hausofphid3966]

The daughter in story 2 is a NIGHTMARE.

[@gretchenmyers1279]

story 2. i would put doeadbolts on every door, plus put portajohns outside, and hire security to keep everyone out of the house. then pack up your family and go.

[@kegsyk8499]

5:17 well they shouldn't have had secrets then. It's so hard to not say too bad they didn't go through with it. dont have kids if your not ready. dont pawn them off on others if you cant hack it or if you do then at least acknowledge that you did. have some accountability.

[@socialmoon]

Story 2: Wow, OP's daughter is a spoiled cow.

[@gaxalee7392]

1: While I understand the mom was hurting because of her ex/Elissa’s dad, it wasn’t fair and still isn’t fair to punish Elissa for it. 2: If she never wanted her kids to have contact with Elissa, she shouldn’t tell them about her. 3: Op has the right to know Elissa. Elissa’s their sibling and completely innocent in the situation that caused her parents to split. 4: The mom needs to seek therapy if her child being friends with their half-sibling literally sends her into to tears and has her avoiding them. 5: If the tears were fake and the cold shoulder treatment is a deliberate manipulation tactic then Op needs an ally against the mom.(This is part is purely hypothetical). After update: My only real nitpick is: The father had to convince the mom that their daughter being friends with her successful and kind half-sister that makes their daughter really happy is a good thing.

[@lovelysakurapetalsyt]

It's also bad that the mom said Elissa has issues she needs to work through because she doesn't want to talk to her when the poor girl was ABANDONED

[@lovelysakurapetalsyt]

@Melody Ackerman She was fucking abandoned. Abandonment doesn't just mean leaving someone on the streets, it means just disappearing and leaving someone to feel untrustworthy to you if you show up again. Have YOU ever been abandoned like that, cause I don't think you have

[@chyme2465]

@@lovelysakurapetalsyt abandonedddd lmaoo you are reaching. She got adopted by the affair partner. And you know what? That's hella better than being raised by a parent who doesn't want you and will resent you because you are a symbol of their traumatizing past

[@lovelysakurapetalsyt]

@Melody Ackerman It's what the mom fucking did. Not wanting a kid is one thing but throwing them to another family because she blames her own fucking child for cheating IS ABANDONMENT

[@lovelysakurapetalsyt]

@@chyme2465 Literally the definition of abandoning is what happened. She threw aside her own kid and literally said it was the kid's fault she got cheated on and threw her away to the ex because she both refused to get therapy and refused to see it's not a fucking child's fault their parent was cheated on

[@kratkartan1486]

Story 1: There is actually a very tactful way for the siblings to find out when they are older. Once they get to OP's age, she can have a talk with them and tell them that She didn't tell OP about the sister until a certain age, and wanted to do the same for them now that they were old enough to understand. That's more or less how parents usually give their child a big update in their life. Some examples would be telling them about the tooth fairy, Santa, and Easter Bunny not being real. Edit: Story 2: OP, cut all contact with the people that sided with your ex. EVEN your daughter. I know it'll hurt for a long time, but in the end, you'll do better without them. I'm sorry this happened to you, and I hope your Ex gets put on full blast after you cut all those toxic idiots out of your life.

[@als2480]

Actually research shows its best to learn as young as possible

[@adog6495]

It's also weird how a older cousin knew before op

[@AndyyWithAY]

My company recently changed and we are in training this week. It has been complete torture! The days seem to go in complete slow mo. It's nice not to have to do work, but it has been so hard. I had an established schedule, regular eating time etc

[@Raytysbird4]

Story 2: Hunny you are just a spoiled child that threw a typical hissy fit over not getting your dream wedding. Not even grateful that your dad gave you money freely, not even for the wedding, but to fix up his X's house. OP needs to let this family go, cause they certainly aren't acting like one. Sounds like he did much better the second time around.

[@k8mcawesome]

More subs! Also, I’m DYING for a Nightmare Neighbors!!! But I’ll literally listen to anything you put out

[@frankhooper7871]

Is nobody else thinking in story 1 that OP's mum is a bit of an AH for going through her daughter's phone?

[@WhtAbtBob10]

That was my thought. Even if it was unlocked the mom had no right to do that. Children have a right to privacy from their parents.

[@brigidtheirish]

Yeah, funny how no one in the comments mentioned that.

[@carolroberts4614]

I wondered about that! Completely ignored!

[@GabrielleHayes1921]

2) She never would have gotten that money for starters, and I would tell her I was not attending and I was disowning her that everything in my will was now going to step daughter and that she is never to contact me again her children will never be my grandchildren, then block her everywhere and be done

[@CRSB00]

4:30 to this commenter, this can be thrown right back, many parents have difficulty to understand that their children are *not* their property, that they are people with lives after childhood, for some reason you cannot grasp that once given up parent rights one has no say if that child reaches out to siblings or if ones other children reach out to them. like really how *DARE* OP be curious of the half sibling they didn't know they had...

[@noneedtoknow07]

The mom got sad that the daughter she explicitly told to never contact her again doesn't want to see her? That lady has some issues t work out considering she hasn't seen her in 25 years, and hates her for something she had no choice in.

[@mericawillis2338]

Poor Elissa

[@katiesmith2031]

Mark thanks for the video hope you and poppy are having a wonderful evening goodnight and sweet dreams

[@broken_queer_but_fighting8589]

Sleep well m8💜💜🤗🤗

[@katiesmith2031]

@@broken_queer_but_fighting8589 Thank you broken I will. Hope you are having a wonderful evening goodnight and sweet dreams

[@broken_queer_but_fighting8589]

@@katiesmith2031 thanks and np💜💜🤗🤗

[@sarahjean3670]

I am so impressed by both the mother and OP in story 1 and I’m glad things are working out in the family.

[@DemonicAngle15]

As a Canadian from Ontario, I can tell you Mark that you pronounce toronto better then most Torontians

[@rowan5335]

She kept her mother out of knowing about her half-sister until her mother snooped in her phone. It is still her sister.

[@JuniperJadePR]

I feel bad for the OP in story 2 since even though they feel like if they had caved into their daughter's demands, everything would be okay, it really wouldn't. It would have just delayed the inevitable (her cutting them off over something ridiculous) for just a bit longer. Hope that they can begin to heal from that experience & continue to enjoy themselves with their family members that do care about them.

[@Tammohawk1]

1. What a nice happy ending. I love feel good stories. 2. NTA I think daughter fell and bumped her head knowing about the restraining order! Where is her head? It's sad how things turned out. My parents divorced when I was young, it wasn't pretty either. But they managed later on to be friends for the sake of us kids.

[@djdomain]

With 2 I'm guessing there was some heavy parental alienation on the mother's part to vilify OP and his current wife. They probably egged her on with insisting for OP's property and rejecting any sort of compromises (she was originally having the wedding at another venue so OP offering to finance another wasn't unreasonable), and she ended up inviting OP to spite his family by not inviting them, and to belittle OP for not immediately caving to her demands from the very start and let ex and her family walk all over him. OP should see her as a lost cause, as toxic as his ex and her family, and go NC with her.

[@believeinshadows139]

For story one I think keeping secrets that giant from your children is fucked up. You’re allowed to have your trauma you’re allowed to put your child up for adoption if you believe that’s what’s best for them and you. but to deny your children the ability to connect with siblings and put them in this kind of situation is wrong. You’re sharing your trauma with your children when you do things like that. The mother literally told OP that she had a big sister and then was shocked Pikachu face that her daughter went looking for her big sister. If you had a child that you had to give up for any reason when you go to have more children later in life you need to have already gone to therapy and made peace with the fact that your new children might find out about and want to have a connection with your old children. And that there is nothing wrong with it. While yes I will say op should have told her mom I wanna talk to my sister are we really gonna blame a teen for thinking keeping it a secret was the best idea? Imagine being afraid your mom won’t let you talk to your own damn family. Not slowing you to make a connection that could make a massive positive impact on your life. I’m sorry the mom might have a right to feel her trauma but she doesn’t have the right to be mad at her child over this. And as for the mom‘s trauma Alyssa didn’t fucking do anything to her she was an innocent child. Everyone is talking about think about how the mom feels. Maybe think about how Alyssa fucking felt. Finding out that your bio mother hates you so much she doesn’t even want your siblings to meet you. This situation would be as simple as the mom saying “ I had to give you up because it was better for you and me I was not able to take care of you. I can’t be your mother and I think it’s best we don’t interact or build a relationship. But I respect you and you have every right to want a relationship with your siblings. I am happy you grew into a beautiful successful young woman.” I know that I’m simplifying things. But I really don’t care. Your trauma does not mean that you can give other people trauma. You need to deal with your shit before you have more kids or before they grow up. Because kids are human beings with there own needs a feelings. And its disgusting to me that op is not only being call the asshole but is being boiled down to a selfish teenager. My biological mother was a nightmare. I ended up being raised but my grandmother who I called mom. I have two sisters that I’ve never met and don’t know how to contact because of my bio mother and I very well could have more siblings. it hurts me that I don’t know if they exist. Blood isn’t everything. But it still fucking maters to a lot of people.

[@geminidawn7315]

Story 1The fact that one person said her parents aren't her property this works both ways. Yes she should have been honest and a teenager should follow household rules but if her mom didn't want to risk contact her she should have played it safe and not told her. Anyone trying to cover up estranged, adopted or affair children are at risk being found by DNA test by places like 23 and me. These secrets are harder to cover up now then ever.

[@barbaraunderwood1762]

I’m 69 & I had to give a baby boy up at 16. I was raped but I’ve never hid the fact of him r what happened. My 2 husbands & kids & grandchildren know about him. Never go into a relationship hiding stuff like that. That was 1969 & today is 2022. 52 years ago

[@BW022]

Story 1: These comments that OP should suffer because of her mom is stupid. "You can't see your sibling because I messed up." or "I don't want to be made to look bad." isn't OP's problem. Mom abandoned a child. Not OP's fault. Mom kept the existence of the child secret to cover her failing -- not out of some protection for each child (they wouldn't be harming each other). Again, not OP's fault. In the end, siblings have a right to know about each other and have a relationship. That doesn't change just because it is easier for a parent to hide their mistakes.

[@ewanmcgregorofficial3641]

I’m also wondering if the mom was made to pay child support and if so did she pay it.

[@evildell]

@@ewanmcgregorofficial3641 if she gave up her right to the child (which it sounds like she did, as the father’s side chick adopted her) then she wouldn’t be liable for child support as she is legally no longer the mother.

[@ewanmcgregorofficial3641]

@@evildell ok, I wasn’t sure

[@kisavalkyrie]

Second story- daughter is such an AH. Guarantee the mother had some way in the Shitshow and honestly it was the mother that cause the drama

[@bigsmooth2001]

Man gives up on baby: he’s a deadbeat. Woman gives up on baby: it’s selfless act we have to feel sorry for her.

[@frith.calluna]

S2 Either there's a loaaaad of info missing or unknown or the daughter is just spoiled. I'm honestly guessing the first might be true. It can't be easy seeing your parents behave in such a way that one needs a restraining order against the other. There's probably more going on behind the scenes. OP is still NTA for not wanting the wedding at his house though.

[@crissantos44]

So last story, you basically raised a sh#ty human, and now feel bad. Let her go and live your life. She will only bring more heartache down the line

[@manxiefeathermoon9888]

Story one: I'm betting the ex didn't tell Elissa the truth to why her mother left. I bet he lied to make himself look like the victim. I feel bad for the mother. To not have anyone in her corner. I have a feeling the marriage wouldn't survive as the husband isn't supporting her and she will just cut all contact with her kids as she will always be seen as the villain and never have anyone listen to the truth

[@ravanpee1325]

It's not the husbands decision and I doubt the daughter care about the mother's feelings very much..

[@lovelysakurapetalsyt]

"no one will listen to the truth" when a kid got fucking blamed for cheating outright and was LITERALLY ABANDONED BY HER MOM?!

[@ravanpee1325]

@@lovelysakurapetalsyt She had a mother her whole life

[@pauldavisjr.3284]

First op that wasn't a happy ending but a happy beginning.

[@TJ-ss1up]

First story I feel sorry for the daughter. Her mum put her in such a difficult position telling her she had a sister, of course the child is going to be extremely curious and unsurprisingly contact her. The people saying the girl was an AH are very unrealistic of their expectations. Second story just sounds like a mess and I feel so sorry for the dad.

[@LoganJackson]

Mark, I LOVE it when you sing "am I the butthole?"

[@OZARKMOON1960]

#2 - ETA: (after update)- Sure hope the daughter is equally pissed off at the mom and mom's family in all of this, considering their actions started the RO process in the first place. The daughter of OP is the absolute asshole; even knowing (one would hope she knows) about the recent restraining orders and problems with her mom's side of the family, she wants to throw a fit about this? bullshit and more! I don't think OP should give in one millimeter! But if he does, rent port-a-potties and do NOT let any of them anywhere near the house. screw that. his safety and that of his family has to come first - daughter's toddler hissy fit or not.

[@AndyyWithAY]

Does anyone know if we have that law in the U.S.? It doesn't seem like we do because in a lot of stories, adoptees found their bio siblings on social media

[@pansprayers]

It depends on the situation. My husband was adopted in 1976, under some really (we found out later) terse circumstances. The law at the time said that sealed records were sealed records, we've only puzzled it together because of the Ancestry tests his adoptive mother got for free because she worked for them. Honestly, I think the stupid things are the bane of modern existence, but I digress. Had he been born two years later, we would have been able to have his records unsealed at 18, if his biological parents consented, but we wouldn't do so even if we could. Sealed does mean sealed, though, and contact can lead to stalking and harassment charges if the any party doesn't want to be identified. This needs to be left alone.

[@brigidtheirish]

I don't believe it's actually a law *anywhere.* Sealed records just mean you can't get the documentation. Doesn't mean you can't find the person through other means or just meet randomly.

[@PinkMarshmallows]

Not that I know of and I was adopted in the 90's. Though I was taken away from the bio family and not given up. They couldn't have any contact with me (or my siblings that were adopted with me) until I was 18.

[@GabrielleHayes1921]

1) The commenters who say she's the asshole because she's being cruel to her mom by going by her own selfish desires are something else entirely and it's not a good something else either Edit: I do feel bad for Elissa though, imagine not having a decent mother. One gave you up because she couldn't stand your father, the other was the reason your parents broke up. I wouldn't want contact with either one of them either, they both suck, I would cut contact with my dad too.

[@kp2223]

Story 1: I'm desperate to find out what happened that the mother allowed the daughter to be adopted by husband and affair partner.