i have no guy friends... and you shouldn't either

[@SoVidushi]

I genuinely believe that women and men can be friends but WAYYY too many men become friends with a girl just to ask her out eventually or to make people think they are together.

[@ro2974]

exactly 😭 👏 that's why boundaries are so important!!!

[@Nono38-jj1tk]

There is no such thing as an opposite sex friend, unless they are 400 pounds or over the age 60. They are a back up option. Plain and simple.

[@afrodite2366]

@ Nono38-jj1tk sometimes that doesn’t even matter. This older guy would always be at my job , we would have conversations from time to time. He was cool until he started asking to take me on dates & telling me he could buy me a house 😭. Men are disgusting no matter the age honestly.

[@paracoco1761]

Or they want to use you as a free therapist to dump all their emotional problems.

[@sugarzblossom8168]

​@@Nono38-jj1tkfor you maybe but unless the feeling are mutual and you are inlove with 2+ boys and 2+boys are inlove with you, that isn't true for everyone

[@LittleMissDeeDee]

I have male associates but not friends. Unless they're friends from childhood and you literally see them as a brother and they see you as a sister (which is rare), I don't think women should give men their friendship. Being cordial and polite is enough.

[@therealmanifestelle]

Thissss 🫶🏽 boundaries ✨

[@rarwxd]

YESSSS OMG YESSS

[@qosaghcalnan1045]

I needed to read this, I was starting to feel crazy bout thinking this . Lol

[@Emiliapocalypse]

Sorry, but based on the amount of !ncest pron is out there, I’d wager that most dudes claiming to see a female childhood friend as a sister is just biding his time. Feel free to disagree

[@roundtwo3321]

I don't know anything about pron, but men are always biding their time. Always. Even the meekest man is just biding his time until he reveals that he has been secretly preying on you. I thought I was safe with a work acquaintance of several years, until he told me, "I think you're pretty." I was so pissed and shocked. I ignored what he said, looked at my watch, and asked, "What time is it?" If he was going to treat me like my thoughts didn't matter, then I was going to treat him like his thoughts didn't matter. He got married. Proximity is not a relationship. @@Emiliapocalypse

[@briskettacos]

True male friends are rare. Most are just waiting in the wings...

[@therealmanifestelle]

🫶🏽

[@ro2974]

fr they're like vultures 💀

[@Babybunnyxox]

@@Returntonature145sounds like you have your priorities straight ❤️‍🔥👏 if you expect nothing and they expect nothing, then it’s more likely you could have a good friendship going where you both support each other

[@Shay416]

And they practice patience. It's actually insane.

[@christinarooz5115]

Yeah. I’ve had two that explicitly said they would if I gave them a chance. Which is so annoying. I just feel like they’re waiting for a chance that isn’t happening.

[@ummehaani6596]

I had the sweetest kindest male friend (also coworker) who made me believe that this is absolute bullcrap, men can be great friends. Then he got stoned and sexually assaulted me even though our friendship was entirely platonic. He walked away scot-free and I lost all bonds I had with most of my coworkers that day. This video genuinely made me cry, I wish I believed this before.

[@emanuellesantos206]

I'm really really really sorry my dear, I hope you are safe now and that you heart find peace again 🤍 You didn't deserved none of that!

[@yabe1496]

I hope you are fine and in a safe place now. This makes me so angry.

[@ollyokoye2258]

I'm so sorry that happened to you ❤ i pray God's healing and overwhelming love on you

[@pn7134]

Im so sorry, dear. You dont deserve that ❤

[@pn7134]

@@teppoman9702 it's not 1 experience. Just read the comment. Pretty much every woman I know has at least one bad experience with men

[@Pompomeranian7]

What I recieved from male friendships: gaslighting, grooming, sexual coercion, coercion into romantic relationships, being treated like a purchased prostitute, a backup girlfriend or a free therapist. what I recieved from female friendship: understanding, comfort, community, fun, moral support, safety, encouragement, the knowledge that someone is watching out for me and genuinely cares about my wellbeing.

[@yuookii150]

This!

[@rdsunshine34741]

I've recently realised all of my male friends only reach out when they want a therapist or to ask me for professional advice that will help them make more money. Like I should be charging them therapy and consultancy fees by the hour at this point.

[@JB-pd3ir]

@@rdsunshine34741 You can probably say this about many women also.

[@candigurrl07]

@@indigoblue2025 yeah same but i still have all female friends cuz guy friends are a special kind of trash.

[@Pompomeranian7]

@ingridyau3012 Gotta find your girls girl. I know it's tough, a lot of girls out here are pick me's or indoctrinated to center men. Gotta look for those women who are confident and healed or start being that person yourself and inspire other women to drop the pick me man centering. I find a good place to start is women who have hobbies and don't play wifey with their boyfriend.

[@terresa55]

I was always a girls girl and I didn't have many male friends in my life. But I decided to try it and I used to hang out with my friend from college. Then one day while we were hanging out, we were in his car he started acting weird and touching me in a way friends don't do. Then I realized he was just a patient wolf waiting. I ain't doing that anymore. No thank you. I like my girls. Men can't understand me anyway.

[@cm-yu6gu]

Same I was such a girly girlies girl until my teens when the pick me girl emerged and I became enamored with the idea of having guy friends. And now I'm trying to find my way back to the version I once was that not only had female friendships, but that was also the only thing I could envision? The idea of having male friends was completely absurd to me. I'm in this weird no man's land in between now where I'm no longer a pick me girl but I'm not that girly girls girl either. I have no idea to find my way again lol

[@lareineii]

​@@cm-yu6guI am just open to the universe that i will find my sisters ^^

[@terresa55]

@@cm-yu6gu omg yes! I wanted to have guy friends so much because it was "cool". But every single guy that I used to be friends with wanted to date me or use me as a status symbol, like Elle said. I am also on the way to be spoiled girly. Find new friends( that support this mindset) and cut off or distance your pick me friends. That's my advice 😂

[@mynameisreallycool1]

That reminds me of the guy friend I had who kept insisting on having me sit in his car alone with him, not even to go anywhere in particular, but just to sit in the parking lot with him inside his car. It was so fucking weird. So I almost got into a similar situation as you. Then, after 2 or 3 weeks of him unsuccessfully trying to pressure me into sitting in his car with him (while also making weird comments about me), I met one of his other female friend when the three of us were sitting at the cafeteria, and he tells me, "You know, she came to my car." A week later, they started dating, and he ghosted me. Then, after almost a year, he randomly started talking to me again through Snapchat while he was living in his military base in Hawaii, and after a few months of us talking, he tells me that he had gotten over his girlfriend "months ago (basically when he started talking to me again)" but they still haven't broken up. I told him straight up that I felt sorry for his girlfriend, and he stopped talking to me for good. 😂 I don't feel bad for hurting his feelings. He's said much worse things about me and his other friends, and I still feel bad for his girlfriend at the time.

[@terresa55]

@@mynameisreallycool1 this male friend of mine also has a thing for sitting alone in his car?? What ?

[@onetwo-lc2tb]

Behind every guy who "got friendzoned" is a girl who thought she had a friend. My dad died 2 years ago so i moved back to my home town. I was still in touch with an ex, he was in a relationship so i didn't feel threatened at all and he stepped up and was my 'friend' for over a year. Until i mentioned i was talking to another guy. This man had dumped his girlfriend, WHO HAD A KID THAT HE HAD BECOME A FATHER FIGURE TO, *the day he found out my dad died*, didnt tell me about it, proceeded to hang around me for a year making me think i had a friend, and went psycho when he learned i had found someone (that guy was trash, but thats another story.)

[@annara686]

Friendship between former lovers don't exist. It's either one or both of them are holding other as a "backup plan" or still have feelings lingering

[@gee_emm]

@@annara686 Damn! I remember when Bruce and Demi got divorced they seemed so cool and I thought that's how I'd like to be with my future exes. I was only a young teen and knew I'd have more than one BF in life. Now I realise my past relationships ended for a reason and I have no desire to spend any time with any of my exes. The very best I could ever manage would be some polite small talk before swiftly moving on. And there's a few that really would be better off being sparred the things I COULD say to them, but choose not to.

[@DelphineElowen]

There are no valid All of Never statements, just Oftentimes statements.

[@jrmetmoi]

That guy sounds like a crazy criminal waiting to happen

[@TheBananamonger]

Sounds like you have consistently bad choice in men

[@redpillqueen8888]

They use you to get other chicks, get attention, get status, look like a stud, lie and say they are dating you ruining your reputation. NO! Get high value gfs

[@cc_chi123]

exactly... if they aren't after you... they are hanging out to take some of what you are brining to the table.. your friends! your invites, your parties, your trips. Understanding the purpose of a man and how they play in a woman's life is the KEY to leveling up. Raise your standards... receive at your level.

[@fran791]

​@@zah936what do you guys mean by male friends ruining our reputation?

[@moonperson8627]

@@fran791that by him pretending to be ur bf ruins ur chances with better guys I think

[@saharagold]

@milodavis9820 agree. They are quite creepy actually when they don't get what they want. Soon that nice guy mask falls off and they get nasty. Thinking that because they're 'nice' girls owe them. Why I respect bad boys and assholes and not nice guys. The assholes are upfront and not trying to white knight you. You know where you stand.

[@icehearts98]

Sooooo true !! I had a guy friend literally tell me he wanted to take me out downtown to clubs because it helps him get other girls because other girls want you when you’re with a pretty girl. He literally offered to get my nails done and give me some $$ to go out with him. I didn’t do that .. I did go with us and other girl/guy friends as a group on a boat trip earlier this summer and I found out he was telling people we had been together sexually. I was so mad about that. Yes some guy “friends” definitely lie that they’re sleeping with you .

[@A---BMaitriSarkar]

Let's be honest, if you are pretty, your male friends would want to date you but if you are ugly they wouldn't even wanna be friends with you .

[@bujeeeeee]

Yes

[@Latte-girly90]

That's what I've been saying 😂 if you look better than all his girlfriends that's a red flag. Or even if you look on the same level, he sees you as a potential FWB/partner

[@42smash36]

nah, I had ugly female friends in my workplace, but I agree with you if they pretty, would want to date

[@AminahMight]

💯💯💯

[@Eternitygate]

Water is wet statement, lookism is omni present lol

[@masa-pt9vs]

literally never felt the need to have a guy friend. their friendships just seem shallow. women are my tribe.

[@ec6621]

I'd be skeptical of this advice if it didn't actually happen to me. In engineering university, my male best friend and I were like peas & carrots. We were cute faced, chubby, friends. We go our own ways after graduation. Years later, I lose the weight, he's getting out of a divorce and we catch up. He told me (with regret) he used me against his now ex-wife to make her feel bad. Compare her to me. How much fun & how "cool" I was. She'd look me up on social media. Make her feel insecure about her looks and career accomplishments. Poor girl, I'd only met her once before and now I know why she had a bit of a pained look in her eyes when she met me.

[@FoundSheep-AN]

So why did he not pursue YOU instead? Why do you think he acted that way?

[@ec6621]

@@FoundSheep-AN He's never pursued me, not even back in college. We just never crossed that line. I don't know why he acted that way with his ex, he was just using me as ammunition against her.

[@Greenrivers14]

He's such a jerk wtf

[@dian277]

@@FoundSheep-AN probably thought she was too good for him, or she had better options

[@roundtwo3321]

Men do that all the time, until they lose their wives like that. Then, they grow up.

[@Hippidippimahm]

Elle you’re seriously helping me change my life SO much. I dropped toxic male “friends” who were just waiting to take advantage, I dropped a level 10 Pickmeisha who was making my life miserable, I’m journaling and praying and I’m getting my life TOGETHER. Thank you

[@lauri_with_cats]

very inspiring!

[@fateems7547]

I love to see my Muslim sisters putting themselves first and getting themselves together ❤️❤️ you got this girl!!

[@leenaadams6742]

Love to see muslim girls finding their space in this community, so heartwarming ❤❤

[@MikeHawk-c5t]

@@Hippidippimahm praying to whom?

[@icejeons]

This is actually so true. In the past I had more ‘friends’ who were men and I kid you not EVERY SINGLE ONE of them wanted me either romantically or sexually. One time one of them even lashed out at me for rejecting him because he couldn’t understand why I didn’t want to date him because he was always so “nice” to me. Then a month later he tried to r@pe me. It’s disgusting. Just because a man is nice to me he’s entitled to date me entitled to have a sexual relationship with me?? What the actual fuck. Do these men realise every guy who wants to date a woman will try and be nice to them. Women are allowed to have a type.

[@VideosForYou90]

I'm sorry that happened to you, feel hugged!

[@canesugar911]

💔

[@mbatista5891]

Did you press charges since he's a sex offender?

[@MikeHawk-c5t]

@@icejeons yall actually do not date those that are nice to you 🤣 that’s the funny part. Y’all love jerks but will NEVER say it.

[@oliviab.6178]

Woman in her 40s here: I’d say 85% of my friends are guys, and they’re a varied mix (different races, straight, gay, married, in a long-term relationship, single…) They have been my friends for anywhere between 10-20 years, and I have never been romantically involved with any of them nor have they ever made romantic/sexual advances. I realize now that I am very fortunate as this is not the case for most women. They have been there for me through thick and thin (more so than my girl friends), and never expected anything inappropriate in return. Not to say that I haven’t had my share of terrible experiences with men (including those I thought were decent but then I rejected their advances and they reacted horribly) but I just wanted to share that it is possible to have amazing life-friendships with men without lines ever being crossed. I’m living proof of that, and I’m grateful!

[@cylyte2436]

Thank you, I was looking for a comment like this! I know a lot of women experience a lot of horrible things around me, but saying blanketly you CANNOT simply be friends with guys just seems wrong. Though, I am in a lot queer spaces as a queer person, so the people I’m bound to meet are probably going to be different from the average woman.

[@hippybecca]

@@cylyte2436 Thank you from me as well. I am pretty darn sure I have a few solid guy friends but these comments were making me feel bad. It seems to be rare but possible, and we were lucky.

[@kizryuver]

​​@@hippybecca yep definitely possible, and i talk to people regardless of gender without knowing their gender and they do the same so we only talk because we genuinely cared about what each other had to say than any romantic interest. That reduces the possibilies of such things happening. - And if something romantic develops from one side, it's not anyone's fault, even though we can usually maintain boundaries and it doesn't happen as much as it would if i didn't take this measure.

[@FlamingCockatiel]

Thank you for this. As a tomboy, being told that no male friends is optimal is like telling me I have to cut off part of myself. I have some traditionally masculine interests. I never had issues with the boys in school; the girls were the vicious ones.

[@kizryuver]

@@FlamingCockatiel exactly! thinking same sex is always good and or opposite are always bad can be an issue.I have known both girl and guys to be horrible and awesome lol If i look in right places and it's most "humans" that were problematic and very less good humans. - if same sex isn't good in your area forcing friendship to form brother or sister hood is more toxic and ignoring opposite sex even if they're ok makes you more miserable. - As for romance in friendship, opposite sex doesn't always do it with bad intentions either (both sexes do it), some may develop feelings later,some may not want those feelings to turn to relationship but may value friendship,and some may not know you enough to want a relationship just because they like you. - everything in video happens a lot but it's just part of a very wide world and not a universal truth every single time.

[@abdullahmorad7117]

This disappoints me so much that most men cant look at women in non romantic sense. But it also makes me proud of myself that I'm among the little amount of person who aren't part of this category

[@Thunderstorm_911]

Many men get any kind of attention from women SO rarely , so they can't just look at women in non romantic way.

[@krwawokrwista]

Great thing You're not like them

[@becca53444]

Learning to stop having male friends is one of the most important lessons I’ve ever learned. I swear every single time the guy ended up liking me or I liked them and it wasn’t reciprocated. It never worked and it was nothing but drama, so I’m done with it. Female friends only. If a guy likes me, he’ll ask me out. Not want to be buddies.

[@AlyssaHarrisMusic]

Exactly. it’s another form of low effort when they do that!! Trying to get something for nothing

[@LynBrownlee]

@@milodavis9820It’s not, but that’s what the dating phase is for. The problem is that with these “friendships”, if the guy likes the girl, he isn’t upfront at all about his intentions. These “friendships” go on for years with the dynamic of a pseudo relationship. The guy most likely chose the friendship route because he didn’t have enough confidence to outright ask her out and felt he needed time for her to feel comfortable with him before doing so. Or he wanted the perks of a pseudo relationship without any commitment attached until he’s ready to commit. And this is a bigger problem that can lead to danger for a lot of women: men approaching a woman they like under the guise of being friends when they really want to be with them, then getting upset when the time and energy invested doesn’t pay off once they confess. Sometimes it works, most times it doesn’t.

[@Rosetta-gp9mk]

@@milodavis9820you can get to know them without labelling it as friendship. Acquaintances are a thing. Only the USA puts so much pressure on calling someone you don’t dislike “a friend”. I don’t know where you’re from, but in most Europen and Asian countries, you can know someone, like them, see them, and still not be friends. Friendship is a responsibility and not a title. Friendship is when you open up emotionally and become vulnerable. Friends are there to depend on when things aren’t going well. Acquaintances aren’t.

[@Rosetta-gp9mk]

@@milodavis9820and, on the other hand, how much do you need to know someone before expressing that you’re interested in them romantically? I don’t think it takes a year or something. A month, two at most. Someone else replied to a different comment of yours saying that you have a “try it out first” mentality and it’s obvious in every comment. You have commitment problems. You’re afraid of making a bad decision and acknowledging it and moving on. You’re afraid of rejection so you want to be 1000% sure that you’re not making a mistake. But that’s not viable, because by the time you become overt with your intention of dating them, time’s already up and whatever happens is neither beneficial to you or the other person.

[@saffy771]

​​@@Rosetta-gp9mkI agree! If you really like someone, you usually know that pretty early on and maybe need like one or two months at most. You can just casually talk to someone and be friendly with them and if you're vibing, you're gonna feel it anyway. You don't have to be friends for a year or so first before knowing you want to be with someone. I know a guy with this "try it out first" mentality who wants to be friends with women first and if it turns into more, that's great, but if not, you still won a friend. And while this doesn't sound bad at first, I still find it weird for a guy to claim at first that he's ONLY platonically interested in you, but then there's still this underlying hope it could turn into more. It just doesn't seem genuine and like he could switch moods at any moment. One moment he's just acting like a platonic friend, but then sometimes his desire to be closer to you still shines through. While with a guy who's genuinely into me, he's friendly with me and starts talking to me, but also doesn't claim to be only platonic and just goes with the flow and if he senses a chance I could like him back, he asks me out after a while.

[@janelle_godin]

i think the key is being friendly but not friends. there's a nuance. there's no reason to open up to them.

[@x3AnimeFanXD]

I agree with this. I have 2 guy friends to whom I never open up and that's why we are still friends. As long as you only hang out with them for a certain purpose like playing videogames or chatting during a break at your job or something there is no point in putting in any more energy than that.

[@cm-yu6gu]

See that is where I slip up. As soon as I'm friendly, polite, cordial with a man they get all excited and think it's a gateway into something else. A simple hello already puts me in the dangerzone for their hopium. I literally have no idea how to be around men and they don't have any sneaky underlying intentions to make it anything more. It's exhausting. Every interaction with the opposite sex feels polluted by this dishonest undercurrent of hidden desires or an uneasy feeling like I have to have my guard up all the time. Part of me just can't wait to be married so I can finally be taken and off the market (cause other men respect another man more than they do you) and not be lying when I say I'm taken. And another part of me just wants to hide from society altogether and not deal with anyone ever at all 😭

[@cosmiccrush22]

​@@x3AnimeFanXDtrue opening up to men in general, any relationship, boyfriend or friend, open yourself up to these silly men and you will see how they WEAPONIZE IT, against you, even things that are over the line, they will say it all. Never forget they have testosterone, that impacts, how they relate and empathize, sympathise, to other people, especially women, open your heart to your therapist, your mum, female friends, not no damn man.

[@rejectionisprotection4448]

​@@x3AnimeFanXDThat's how men are with their male friends. When they want emotional support, they go to women. I have three older brothers and I've learned the hard way that looking for equitable emotional support from men is a waste of time. You're right to keep it simple.

[@LynBrownlee]

@@milodavis9820 Dude, you’re writing PARAGRAPHS under every other comment. This is for women, not men. You’re literally proving her point.

[@sunbeam3658]

You can see this when youre in a relationship with a man & he doesnt like that you have guy 'friends' because he, too, is a man and he understands WHY they want to be your 'friend'.

[@sunbeam3658]

only 1 man can claim you, dont let it be your male 'friend'.

[@kianzasmommy11]

THISSS!

[@rascal_lipton_tea]

YUP!

[@fathimasheikkather971]

TRUE! I purged out all my guy friends cuz of my bf's insistence. In the beginning of our relationship I didn't see his view point, and thought he was just paranoid, but I still did it on my own accord cuz I wanted to respect my man more than some random guy friend. And honestly it's a game changer and I'm starting see his view point more clearly😊

[@ecstasy3692]

facts

[@happypineaple]

I had a "guy friend" he used to send me gifts, he used to be really kind, he used to listen to me and all that, then he told me he was into me, when i rejected him, he became really rude to me and he stopped talking to me until this day.

[@Aashka_The_Mystic]

I've had that happen before too

[@di7787]

Good riddance ! And they're just disgusting.. such behaviour saddens me every time

[@Thunderstorm_911]

And what's the reason of your rejection

[@liviwaslost]

@@Thunderstorm_911 that doesn’t matter

[@somedude6420]

I mean it's a thank you, next kinda thing, no? Why waste energy on someone that won't reciprocate. To be fair, the guy is still probably developing mentally and emotionally that's why it ended that way. He was expecting you to like him because he is doing all of this stuff for you, with the hopes and expectation that you will eventually have feelings for him too. When his expectations weren't met, he decided to abandon ship And for you, did you not find it strange why this guy would give gifts to you? Some people are just that nice, yes. But with regards to the opposite gender, most likely there are certain feelings involved. Moving forward, this is where you must be discerning, careful, and have boundaries with the opposite sex, because that's just the dynamics, the nature, between men and women. Nurture, on the other hand, is another topic.

[@Cindybabe99]

I was having a chat with a male friend about what I want off of a relationship. I mentioned I want a man who can control his moods and will never verbally abusive. My friend lost his mind and told me who the hell do I think I am to deserve so much. Who am I to ask for a non abusive partner. Why can’t I just put up with his moods? I knew there and then he secretly hopes I get abused in my relationship and my care for him went from an 80 to a 5. Just no.

[@galaxylucia1898]

😳😳😲😲Woooow. Not only does this so-called “friend” sound psycho, but he definitely felt called out (by you UNINTENTIONALLY) because that’s probably how he expects to treat HIS romantic partner. I think he was projecting; his shame about what you said spilled out. He probably doesn’t think only you specifically should deal with a low-level longterm discomfort, but all women. Be careful around your “friend”🤨

[@yabe1496]

After I got separated from my then abusive husband I once told my sister, (whom I used to love so deep), the kind of men I would like to eventually date. She also got mad, as your friend, and told me I was asking too much and just should settle down. She told my brother about my hopes and laughed at me. Later I found out that people that have miserable marriages secretly envy and hate people that take the risk to get divorced.

[@guptanirali5282]

🗑️

[@sarahjessicatamon7083]

These men thinks women owe them anything to say this things

[@Delilah513]

he was mad because you described him.

[@n1bn0b]

I think your videos have changed my life. I never realized how much I was selling myself short and dating dusties. You helped me see that there's no reason I can't have everything I want from a relationship, and that I want to support other women more actively. Thank you bestie

[@therealmanifestelle]

Thank you bestie 🥹🫶🏽

[@schoolsucks782]

Aren't they the one making fun of women for hating each other and then scream brotherhood above all but when sisterhood ....

[@furballrage595]

Either they keep you around for a potential "easy lay" or they use you as their wing-woman to get other gals. Or simply for the "female attention and validation".

[@085665372]

@@liltunturi1251 i get where you’re coming from. But I recently had a guy friend that i thought was genuine and we shared all of our problems. The second he got a gf tho, boom, he ghosted me. If it was a sincere friendship why did i have to be abandoned the minute he got a chick? And I agree that there can be wholesome friendships but at times, you just rlly can’t tell. And when things go wrong, it can be pretty traumatising. I had depression for weeks and months, my guy. So idk better safe than sorry.

[@4ElementGirl]

The first one is bad, but if he's using me as a wingwoman and neither of us have feelings for each other, I don't see the problem.

[@iaf4454]

Exactly

[@kizryuver]

​​@@4ElementGirl it shouldn't be "using" you though but taking your help like a friend, because if he ditched you as a friend now that he doesn't need a wingwoman it still hurts to lose a friendship. Unless you're a paid winggirl like there is one on yt.

[@jia7969]

WE NEED A TUT ON HOW TO NURTURE YOUR FEMALE FRIENDSHIP AND IDENTIFY YOUR REAL GIRLIES 😭💞

[@amirakhalida2292]

She has an episode on that .. don't remember the title though

[@Cutestjpg]

please @ me when someone finds it

[@canesugar911]

First thing, stop putting your girlfriends on an unrealistic standards.

[@Supachosen]

⁠​⁠@@thelilppthatcouldyup I used to be okay with the fact that my “best friend” and I had a relationship where we would not talk for ages and come back together with no weird energy, which is completely fine with me bc I like my space and I’m pretty introverted. I still value my friendships and I like to have small convos throughout the months. We would obviously send each other memes and stuff but not all the time. It was until I realised I was the only one planning dates, calling and messaging her. She never ever invited me out unless it’s her birthday. She invited me to her house ONCE when she had no money to buy food, I was so generous to find a solution for her to make sure she was okay but it wasn’t the same for me. She basically saw me as naive and went with it. She would try to sabotage me slightly, she didn’t really give me any tough love advice, she was way too passive and that’s what made it weird. We’ve been friends for years and I always considered her a very close friend. I realised she was lowkey jealous and in secret competition with me. I’ve become A LOT more attractive over the years to the point I’m always getting male attention and I think it intimidates her because I used to be the least attractive. There was even a time she was going on a trip and she invited everyone else and invited me LAST minute, in my mind I should’ve at least been the 1st or 2nd person to come to but nah, she waited and I cancelled because I thought how fucked up it was. She didn’t really want me to come so I didn’t go. Her trip didn’t go well and she complained the whole time. She called me up about what happened for the tea to gossip about another girl she invited that I thought she didn’t really like. It was weird. I stopped reaching out and liking stories because I realised how fake she was over the years, she hid it so well but even people around me were telling me how jealous she was. I’m basically done. Even though me and her get along and we talk about everything, I don’t see the point in carrying her along on my journey. She’s a user and would want to benefit from the lifestyle that I plan to have. My intuition tells me she needs to be dropped, so that’s what I’m doing. I’m going to find new friends and do me.

[@IttyBitty412]

God I feel this... All my female friends would date my exes, the one was trying to convince this one guy not to date me... In my experience I've only ever had women friends that were competitive with me. I have not been able to find a good female friend =[. I feel like I never set unrealistic standards too. My one friend would just constantly put me down about how much prettier she was than me hah. Or is that the realistic standard you need to have? Hah

[@sageandhemlock]

Every time I see a girl with a bunch of male friends I sigh silently because I was that girl. I would have fought to the death that they were my friends. Men think being friend zoned sucks? I can’t explain the hurt I went through realizing I never had real friends, just men in line. Heartbreak 💔 They aren’t your friends. I don’t care if he calls you his sister. Trust me. He isn’t your friend.

[@daft_j]

i relate because i was that girl! i have less guy friends now because i weed people out easily. i'm ok with being friendly, but prefer the closeness of befriending other women!

[@MikeHawk-c5t]

@@sageandhemlock wow took you that long to understand a basic concept

[@vicc19]

I'm ugly, so the possibility of guys only wanting to be friends with me because they want me or are attracted to me are very low. And it's pretty apparent how men treat differently women they are attracted to as opposed to when they are not. I used to think that, for that reason, guys would just see my as one of their "bros", and to a certain extend, yes, because I have hobbies usually associated with guys... But I was never a "true bro" in their eyes, you know? They never allowed me fully in their spaces, never fully welcomed, while also not giving me "pretty girl treatment". No gonna lie, noticing I'm always in this limbo IS sad. It DOES hurt a lot. I've been more aware of this and I'm trying to connect more with women, trying to find women who shares the same interests etc.

[@RiseeRee]

Listen to me, no girls are actually ugly. You are not ugly. I was also “one of the bros” without ever truly being invited because I’m into sports, I’m a gamer, etc. But I’m not their bro, I’m a woman, so it makes sense. The reason you’re NOT fully one of the bros is because they recognize that you are a woman! But you’re also a woman that has probably seen a lot of their BS as well. They like to put their best foot forward, but you might have seen them at their most foolish already. Besides, I really doubt you’d truly want to date any of your bros. Even just one good girl friend is the best because a girls’ girl will really hype you up! Sometimes that’s all you need. It’s great to have your own confidence, but a little hype from a friend can do wonders. You got this bestie 💋🤗

[@vicc19]

@@RiseeRee hey, I would like to thank you for this

[@RiseeRee]

@@vicc19😘

[@yeabsira6548]

Hey, do they have anything on you? Do you need them to play the games? Do the hobbies? Is there any information they gatekeep? Even if so can’t you just be an acquaintance to get a desired glean into that world? Besides that, once you have really seen who they are, without putting a redemptive or romantic sheen on it the part of us that seeks male validation dies. They become an ick. Fr. You are noooooot ugly lol. The “pretty” ones dread their desirability and envy what you talk about. You know how much you don’t have an advantage right? So it’s the same on the pretty girls end too. I wish I could douse you with the male gaze to get it out of your system. It’s the most unglamorous, soul sucking thing. I wont blame you for wondering though. sending love. -a stem girlie

[@painfullyawkward]

I see too many girlies dating their "friends" then being dumped and put back in the friend zone.... don't be used my loves

[@Dhfhucudu]

How is that being used? The guy is going from friend to bf to friend too. If the guy can still remain a friend after the breakup, what’s the issue?

[@Rosetta-gp9mk]

@@Dhfhucuduthe man is using her but after dumping her still gets all the benefits of having a fake girlfriend who he calls a “””friend”””

[@rebeccaw_artist4127]

she's so right, when i got married all my male friends vanished. they were all just hovering hoping they would get a chance to be with me....

[@AmericanDreamer]

same here....men and women are made for something else not to be ''just a friends'', subconsciously we all sense it

[@VenusManTrap-777]

I mean in order for me to get a bf I have to be friends with him first…I’m pretty that’s how it works lmao

[@guptanirali5282]

​@@AmericanDreamerwe could be if more people were evolved. The low-brow NPCs should be dealt with as such, they aren't the main or even supporting characters for a reason.

[@spadinnerxylaphone2622]

​@@AmericanDreamerWhat if they're gay?

[@ALu-nq8rf]

​@@spadinnerxylaphone2622 Honestly, i think co-ed relationships might be a gay privilege (/j). I and most of my friends are some flavor of queer or trans. I have two male friends who are presumedly straight that are genuine and integral parts of this group. I've experienced the girlfriend-zoning by straight men before and I can definitely say it's a different sort of interaction. You can tell a guy only in it for the 😺 gets uncomfy if you talk about having crushes on other people. But when you're actual friends, you can dish about relationship stuff without it feeling weird. I do have to be more careful around straight men than WLW or bi men, though. A lot of straight men have weird views about women and for that reason, I don't hang with most straight men.

[@CS-bu7lo]

PLEASE BE WARY OF YOUR MALE RELATIVES, TOO, LADIES! I know it sounds paranoid, but I work in the justice system of my European country and I saw countless files of SA where the culprit was blood related to the victim! And those were the crimes that made it into justice files, very many don't get reported. I spoke at conferences to colleagues working in other countries and even other continents and they told me it happens there, too. The situation is even worse in countries where women are second class citizens and may become victims of " honour" crimes, if they report the abuse. When I was younger, a distant male cousin made me advances. I didn't see it coming ,because my country's tradition and religion heavily discourage cousin marriages, after Darwin showed us the risks in 1850 C.E. He was very insistent, until I threatened him with the police. We both knew our family wouldn't believe me because I was known as a " rebel feminist" while he posed as a " nice traditional guy". Thank God the Police is quite fair where I live and has both male and female officers. But what if it wasn't?! I shudder for the people that live in places where you can't relly on the Police to protect you. What can you do to avoid the risk of SA in your own family, especially if you live in the same house? Well, be aware of the danger, first ( me& many others could not even conceive the risk existed, because of our love& trust in our male kin), dress decently, do not share your bed and bath with male relatives, lock your bedroom doors at night, have some weapon under your pillow ( useful in case of burglaries, too) and always report anything suspicious to everyone you know ( monsters thrive on your silence), even if people don't believe you, it may scare the monsters. I know there are genuinely good male relatives out there, I have some myself, but there is always a serpent in the garden of Eden, so be careful ! Also be wary of male baby-sitters, even if they are relatives! I know women can be pedos or abusers, too, but the majority of culprits of those crimes are men, unfortunately. Be very careful !

[@no.6377]

To add to your point, in my country the police are not fair, whatever #metoo movement there was did not make it to my country and people often blamed and shamed rape victims(I distinctly remember female _teachers_ shaming girls for supposedly smiling when they said "no", and another girl who was gang raped at _10_ getting bullied for it😭) when I we growing up in the 2010's. Just before graduating, I found out the *majority* of girls and a few boys in my HS homeroom had been molested by a male relative -- usually an older cousin or uncle. No one does anything and it's all swept under the rug. Blood means so little to predators. In fact, it's a plus because they'll use that family loyalty that some gross relatives have to shield themselves from repercussions,

[@cosmiccrush22]

Yesss, this needed to be said, this goes on a lot, that testosterone be something demonic I swear, I went to an all girls schools, we had lesbians there, myself included and no one would bother no one, we know how to act around other women, the problem really is men, "not all men" ya but it's fricking enough of em. Do people even have male babysitters, that's just a disaster waiting to happen 🤦‍♀️

[@Brilliantstar77]

100% 🙏

[@cd6741]

​@Ark-ys2upthis!!!! Absolutely gross. Also came to say it isn't just SA to be worried about. I met my half brother at aged 30. While we were getting to know each other he did a lot of emotional dumping about his pitiful relationship with his wife who put up with his nonsense. Even went as far as talking to me about AND tried to show me pictures of the women he was cheating on her with. He behaved like I was one of his guy friends. I felt so disrespected. Zero respect for any woman. I was not interested in building a relationship after that.

[@CS-bu7lo]

@@no.6377 I'm so sorry ! That was the reality in my country in the '80 s & '90's, my mother told me, but starting from the year 2000 it changed for the better. If more and more victims speak out, their voices will be heard eventually and the shaming will reduce, I've seen it happen, but it takes years. And female teachers shaming young victims, that's sooo low!

[@valenciaorange2000]

I tried to be friends with a guy earlier this year and the moment he mentioned giving me a massage at his place 2 months later I ended it immediately. Blocked and deleted number. This video is accurate.

[@kenny995]

I have genuinely had wonderful men as friends and still keep in touch with them. In my situation we were in the military together which gave us a very unique bond that most others don't have. We've watched each other get married, have kids, and move on to different things. Men and women aren't incapable of being friends, you just need to be selective of who you chose to let into your life.

[@chocobun196]

Great advice, thanks for this ❤

[@suzy1750]

I think being in the military is a different experience that doesn't really apply to situations in civilian life. Once you've literally faced death together, depended on each other for your very lives, yes, I think the man/woman thing could become irrelevant and you could have a unique bond quite apart from any that would be happen in 'normal' life. It's honestly the one exception that I can think of though...thank you for your service.

[@melonmonte6385]

I was in the military for many years and did/do not share your positive experience but am happy you had/have it.

[@melonmonte6385]

@@suzy1750 I'm sorry to say it's not an exception.

[@Qrtuop]

If you married one of those guys' friends and he turned out to be a abusive, 90% of them would side with him.

[@MrsLadyLiberty]

When i was growing up, i had a big group of mostly guy friends. My 2 best girls and I were the "sister friends" to these guys. I learned from these boys that men are sex crazed and will fo some crazy, shady, borderline if not illegal shit to get girls to sleep with them. The girls who didn't sleep with them got slut shamed, except us "sister girlies" who were treated as special exceptions for sone reason that i still don't understand. I heard the way they talked about and treated other women and it caused me to be really terrified of men, to the point that i stayed with my first boyfriend for over a decade because i thought most other men were sex abusers with a nice guy mask. After leaving 1st boyfriend and attempting to date, my fears were confirmed over and over. I'm not saying all men are sexual assaulters with nice guy masks but there are just too many out there to feel safe.

[@MrsLadyLiberty]

Oh shit, they were canopy ministry-ing us. Wow. I'm 40 and these boys did this 25 years ago and I'm just now realizing what it was they were doing. 🤯

[@transitionsnc]

"Sexual assaulters with nice guy masks" ~ I literally just met a guy like this. Ito my knowledge, he's not an assaulter, but all he thinks about is sex and he covers it up with the "nice guy" mask. People buy it because he's friendly and attractive.

[@piranyam]

However, didn't hanging up with boys made you learn all that and to not be too naive around them? I guess it's then ok to have a phase (earlier) in life where we get to know the other sex for what they really are instead of phantasizing of a prince charming 😅

[@C.C.369]

Liberty, I'm sorry for what you've experienced though it reminds me strongly of the law of attraction (you get what you expect) - maybe you wanna look into that? :) - so fe the beautifully delulu solution to this would be assuming that good men exist in abundance 🥰🤙💞

[@roundtwo3321]

Dating is out. Drama not needed.

[@MeghanStark]

This is such a potent conversation. I'm engaged to the love of my life and there have been no guy friends in my orbit for years. I have business contacts, acquaintances who I run into, and am friendly to men in public, but I am not drawn to ongoing friendships with men (especially no emotional intimacy). I think I was only ever drawn to male friendships (and those canopy ministries) because of trauma. Female friendships can be challenging but immensely rewarding. We do crave male companionship, but it is so worthwhile to be patient and find that with your partner and FAMILY, who really care about you.

[@canesugar911]

Female friendships are not challenging.....most times. Women should stop holding women to unrealistic standards

[@inner_chaos]

I remember that one time when I was about to go to a sleepover (or rather a night of drinking) to my guy friend's place alone. We were not dating or anything. I was ready to go and then my dad just went ,,you're not going anywhere". I was... confused? Like hello, I was 21 at that time. Eventually I stayed home, cuz I didn't want to cause a drama. I couldn't understand why my dad didn't want me to go so bad till now. I was such an idiot 🤡

[@ThalitaUchoa]

Hahahaha the 'you ain't going nowhere' is such a dad's classic. Good thing he didn't let you go 😊

[@FoundSheep-AN]

Wow your dad is amazing

[@dian277]

bless your dad for stepping up and protecting you

[@alexavasquez1992]

It's too bad he didn't explain it to you. Even when protecting women, they protect other men by keeping women in the dark

[@inner_chaos]

@@alexavasquez1992 No, he tried. I just couldn't really get it till recently

[@SweetAsYonii]

I crossed boundaries with a guy friend and it was one of the worst mistakes I did. Getting caught up with men and just worrying about them all the time when they aren't doing the same, (except if I'm laying up with someone new) but that's no more. I cut everyone off in my life and just learned to focus on me and love myself and to be selfish. I grieved my loneliness, pushed those abandonment issues away, and not being nice anymore. They aren't deserving.

[@Fishfriend001]

this frustrates me so much. I keep hearing guys say “men can’t be friends with women” and it confuses me so much, because why would they tell on themselves like that? They don’t want women to think they have ulterior motives, but then say that they ALWAYS have ulterior motives. This is especially annoying to me because I’m not even ATTRACTED to guys, I’m a lesbian!!! And I always tell them that I am, and one guy told me I still shouldn’t make friends with males because they’ll want me and never be able to have me… WTF!!! By that logic lesbians can’t be friends with other lesbians, or bisexuals, or men… SO NO ONE. The problem isn’t that they might be attracted to a woman, you can make friends with people even if you’re attracted to them. it’s that they don’t value friendships with women they only want to befriend us if it’s to use us. They act like they can’t control themselves, we are t worth the trouble. It’s misogyny.

[@incw.2601]

I can't name a single male friend of mine that made my life better. They all actively made it worse.

[@co_7523]

Same

[@kiraeckard7625]

Honestly, true. They aint helping your life unless they think that you'll belong to them at the end of it. It's transactional and the moment they realize you won't 'pay' them back, they get vicious.

[@puppydogs68]

Same

[@lilyy.717]

Cant relate enough

[@tw9977]

My friend when she was at college has this guy 'friend' who she speaks to sometimes in her class, never heard or seen him before she mentioned him to me, but she showed him a picture of me and he thought I was cute, I wasn't really interested because deep down he wasn't my type, plus he was 3 years younger then me and I never date guys who are younger, it's just weird to me. Anyways I add him and we start talking for a few days, less then a week later he decides he wants to meet me, but because we weren't connecting or flirting, kind of just sending snaps and talking about cars/work and calling one of the workers who work there a dog🥴 I say I think we should stay friends but I'm also not ready for a relationship(my last boyfriend wouldn't leave me alone) and he just blocks me and unfriends me and tells MY friend behind my back at college I was boring anyway. They are so fucking fragile.

[@kylaarmstrong-benjamin8066]

Ooooooooooo this is so true! It's crazy the lies and deceiving.. . I overheard a guy bragging LOUDLY to his buddies about the hot girl he was "talking to", while I was working at a coffee shop.. I look over and it's the guy my bestie was paired up with because she volunteered for the "buddy system" where a a senior is paired up with a freshman who has like no other friends there, is brand new to the place etc. so she was showing him around, so he can learn where everything is..... and he was bragging to his buddies off campus that he was DATING HER!!!😂😂😂 She tagged him in a post and said "you're gonna do great things this year little bro! ❤ ya! From your big sis!"

[@therealmanifestelle]

😳😳😳

[@326159487d]

The "you're gonna do great things this year little bro! ❤ ya! From your big sis!", is a good one! 🤭🏅

[@itsbeeva]

ohhhh I'm here for this, because I purged most of those men in my life this year, and I have so much more energy. Some I call friends but they're really just acquaintances now.

[@therealmanifestelle]

👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽

[@MiaCarter7]

“nOt alL mEN” is another, annoying blanket statement that diverts folks attention away from the issue(s) at hand. Same with, “well women too”. Duh! We know that! But I’m sick of people even saying that shit when we’re trying to solve a pressing issue. It’s dismissive!

[@MiaCarter7]

I’ll also NEVER AGAIN date a man with a bunch of female friends. His lady friends were part of what ruined our relationship. Wether women decided to catch crushes on him AFTER getting with me, trying to talk crap about me despite NEVER even meeting me, calling themselves spying on me and tattling on me when they had no idea what was going on. And him being easy, giving them emotional connection that he would never give to me. He was naturally flirtatious which didn’t help and he knew that. I felt disrespected. He even compared my relationship to that of his female friends, saying they were closer to him than I basically could ever be. Never ever again!!!

[@rileahangelaweston]

​@MiaCarter7 I'm just done with men, they have successfully turned me lesbian

[@zapmayor4867]

I get the standpoint but i geniuenly hate that such mindset will hurt men who ACTUALLY want to just be friends because of those who are boyfriends with no title. We should change how men view women, not ditch male-female friendships entirely, that just sounds like an immature solution to me

[@FlamingCockatiel]

Nicely put!

[@user-lt7ff1tg9f]

Initially in high-school I had all female friends. I'm still in contact with them to this day. I thought something was wrong with me if I didn't have male friends. One of the two guys I was ever friends with was insecure with me and my standards. Called me a "Karen". The other was attracted to me. I have always found with male peers that I had to "prove" myself to them, that I had to prove that I was of equal value. I always had to stand up to them, they never respected me. My female peers, on the other hand always have respected me.

[@witchofthebakony]

I felt the same in high school that having no male friends means i am socially inadequate but all they did was pulling my self-esteem down.

[@kizryuver]

Yeah it's possible because of either discrimmination due to gender and because in men's social hierarchy men always compete to prove themselves before starting to caring for each other first. This is changing though but still.

[@Thunderstorm_911]

That's cruel reality of men. If you provide nothing to be respected for - you won't be respected. Just accept that

[@Julliettwarner]

This video opened my eyes. 2 years ago I has a “guy best friend” who was the only person in my life who seemed to understand me and listen to me, gave me so much attention, but he was also very touchy feely kinda guy, liked to hug me or keep his hands on me all the time, we even cuddled multiple times after deep hearted conversation, and my dumbass thought it was normal, we’re super close friends and no one will get me the way he can. I was shocked when people thought we were in a relationship🤡. I was young and naïve, never had a boyfriend before. I eventually started developing feelings for him. Turns out, he was using me as a stand in girlfriend, the one he could have benefits from without the label, he liked me but not enough to make it official. Then he met a girl he actually likes and it was like overnight I was dumped. That was one of the darkest time of my life.

[@cp_honey]

It's confusing how acting so nice be such a scumbaggy behaviour, right? Inciting and using real feelings and intimacy with someone as a stand in. Ugh. Shame on him.

[@FoundSheep-AN]

Emotional intimacy is not for male friends

[@truere4lity]

I'm so sorry you went through that, bestie

[@steamyvegetables1445]

​@@FoundSheep-AN This always baffles me with straight people. Like how do you want to be in a relationship with the other gender when you can't see each other as a person and not be friends with them?

[@Shibouu59]

It's scary how many men can do all that and then throw away the friendship like it's nothing the moment they realize nothing sexual is going to happen and/or they find another woman to orbit.

[@stilljocelyn_]

Our good sis spoke straight facts. The canopy ministry concept is so real is literally repellent for viable men who actually want to date you.

[@pastoral_landscape]

What is this concept?

[@TabrizWalker]

​@@pastoral_landscapewatch the video and you will hear her discuss it 🤯

[@Rosetta-gp9mk]

@@pastoral_landscapewatch the video

[@pppf_S]

I had my uncle doing this shit with my mom and aunty...eww

[@pppf_S]

​@@pastoral_landscapewatch the damn video

[@trerodriguez]

This is so true. I once had two powerful men competing over me. One had hired me so he "had" me and the other was trying to steal me away. I realized it really wasn't about me. It was just two powerful men playing games and I was the ball. You are spot on!

[@draugno7]

Creeps

[@iaf4454]

Xy are terrible

[@annelise1412]

woman and men CAN BE FRIENDS, in super rare situations they can but always with boundaries

[@Vain202version2]

I’ve been heart broken by “guy friends” not wanting to stick up for you to uphold the bro code . Even when they know other guys are being inappropriate or makes me uncomfortable. Even getting defensive when you tell them they make me uncomfortable. I think I’ll just be nice and cordial but most of the time they aren’t safe to be friend with.

[@roundtwo3321]

Any man who wouldn't protect you in those situations doesn't deserve a second more of your time. A long time ago, some dummy thought it was cool and entertaining for his buddies if he fake bumped into me and touched me all over in a nightclub in front of my then-boyfriend. My boyfriend instantly lifted that joker up and swung him to the other side of the room like a frisbee. I'd never seen that side of him before. It frightened me then, but I can appreciate it now.

[@malaahar]

​@@roundtwo3321 ok but your description made me giggle

[@archelynwolf]

if they don't stick up for you as a bro they aren't your bro. I would say a big sign of a real guy friend is if you're included in the bro code

[@ddanielsmc]

That's terrible. They are not true friends. I've always stuck up for friends, whether male or female. Where I'm from there's no 'bro code'. There's a friend code - which is 'friendship'.

[@brocade_silk_moth]

22:00 she said that male loneliness is not a women’s issue and I remember reading about the lover-son archetype in this book named “the sacred prostitute” it is a Jungian study about femininity I recommend you read the book it is really good, and I’ll try to keep this comment short and sweet. The lover-son archetype is a man that is either the son or the lover of a goddess and this man man has to “die” for the goddess and said man to grow. It goes into detail about how the goddess enter this relationship where she feels responsible for this man and both end up drained, even if it is a comfortable situation for both it isn’t beneficial to either and it gives a couple of examples but the one that Elle gives in her where a lot of women might feel responsible on fixing male loneliness perfectly fits the bill. Women should only be mothers to their YOUNG children and nothing else. The authors name is Nancy Qualls-Corbett

[@ethiopiazoldyk4667]

Wow. Thanks for this 😊👍

[@medicscout3509]

I feel like I went through something similar, but he didn't "die" for me, but I did end up drained to the point of hospitalization

[@arunimaaa]

Thank you for sharing this

[@iaf4454]

Great!! I will read it, sound interesting!!

[@sa_kie]

Having more guy friends than girl friends at a young age just gave me trauma 💀

[@bujeeeeee]

True ☠️

[@Micah_Coatha]

Relatable

[@Estherawe444]

How so?

[@jenana6882]

I’ve always had more guy friends than girl friends. Most of them have been great. I’ve only ever had a few that acted crazy when I didn’t wanna date them. The others have either never made a move or respected my no

[@stop.followingme]

@@jenana6882 YES!! I refuse to believe that THIS many people havent met had good guy friend like come on now.

[@DeMafiaGirl]

I had a male friend who used to be so emotionally dependant on me. Eventually I had to cut him off and block him because if I'm not gonna date him, it hurts both of us to continue the friendship. I always felt anxious and weird around him but I didn't want to be a bitch and I kept him in my life. But its not worth it, it's not fair on anyone involved.

[@annle986]

i feel so resonated with thisss! I just decided to cut off a friendship like this as well and when i tried to explain the emotional labor that drains me, he just doesnt get it (also blames me that i didnt uphold the responsibility of this friendship by walking away...). I felt heartbroken because i was already attached but deep down i know it's a right thing to do. The friendship also induces my anxiety and I dont think it's fair for me as well. Good on you!

[@drvren030]

It's much harder now to make friends with guys. It used to be a lot easier before, because we were more open to understanding things from the other person's perspective. But a lot of guys just refuse to do that now. With all this red pill and all in the picture, even the guys who got over it, they are much more self centred and always make everything about themselves, and they make EVERYTHING man vs woman now. how can someone like that think from your perspective?

[@shryakale]

This girl is on fire 🔥 4 episodes in a week 🎉

[@therealmanifestelle]

Thank you 🫶🏽🫶🏽

[@SoVidushi]

I usually agree with most things you say but I don't agree with the point of not having male friends even if they don't romantically desire you. My self esteem does not depend on my friends finding me desirable, as long as they respect me and aren't putting me down I find friendships with them quite enjoyable. Still very much agree with your point of re-evaluating male friendships and setting boundaries, I am happy I watched this.

[@ro2974]

good point! i kinda agree too since why would i care if they find me desirable or not? that's not really the point of the friendship tbh

[@annac.5630]

I agree with you. I'm in my late twenties and I recently developed friendships with men who don't have a romantic interest in me, and I'm also not interested in them romantically. They've never made a pass at me or gave me any weird compliments, they're just people I like to talk to and hang out with.

[@pumpkinspiced]

I used to think this way in my twenties. None of the men I thought were friends were actually just friends. Eventually they let you know their true intentions. Even my bestest friend whom I’ve known for almost 20 years. I’m 36. I have many male acquaintances and men I hang out with in crowds during group activities. But I do not hang out one on one with no man who I’m not trying to date.

[@alunalalune8691]

@@Oshun95 dropping them 💎 💎 💎’s

[@transitionsnc]

I agree with this assessment.@@Oshun95

[@entrepreneurialempress]

Miss Estelle please don't underestimate the power of your work here. As a single parent to three boys and one girl, you constantly reiterate for me valid points in my parenting. I want my sons to be nothing like the men you describe or their crappy daddies. My daughter obviously to evade men like these. Wishing you a lovely holiday season babes ❤

[@AmericanDreamer]

yess!!! we all need more moms with mindset like yours and more men who are actually man-ing

[@entrepreneurialempress]

@AmericanDreamer thanks boo I agree, it starts at home 🏡 💓

[@MilkyWay-vr7ku]

Youre gonna a be a wonderful mom for sure❤

[@entrepreneurialempress]

@MilkyWay-vr7ku Thank you that's very sweet, it's an honor to be a mother despite the hardships. So I do it with a healthy sense of pride and I do it alone. I'd much rather struggle than for them to bare the consequences of an unhealthy paternal figure that will only cause lifelong damage. For any single woman reading, choose your partner wisely that it the best advice I could give any woman. That was my downfall more than once and I make it a point to share my knowledge with other women, so many of us marry for love or potential and screw ourselves in the process. I am trying to be part of the solution through an example of what not to do lol in the most gracious way I can possible.

[@entrepreneurialempress]

@christianhenry4173 can't force what isn't available to them either, only God will bring that in his timing. My children are babies sir, I can't control the fathers actions and lack of responsibility. I know I can't be a father but so far that's what I am doing mom dad all of it and its the best I can do. My priority is to make sure they are fed nurtured and provided for. If a good man comes along to be that I'll be open to receive that but that's not the current circumstance and I won't be out there looking for it either, that's simply not my place. I'll be honest you underestimate my capabilities as rough as it is I have learned to get comfortable in my masculinity out of NEED and I do a damn good job at it. I have more balls than their father ever did, I could not stay with an abusive man just to have a dad in the picture. Slowly but surely, he was subjecting our children to the abuse as well and that simply was not an option.

[@kimcham9949]

If men thought highly of women, you wouldn't NEED to tell men not to hurt women. 🤨

[@natashaf.8597]

I sooooooo appreciate highlighting "men need brotherhood" and "men need to take responsibility for their own loneliness". Yes! So many men in my life have no hobbies, no emotional intimacy with others or themselves, and no accountability for their own lives. They have so much resistance to anything they perceive as hard- but anxiety doesn't come from doing hard things, it comes from avoiding them. I've had men tell me that the company of other men isn't fulfilling..... while being draining company TO ME 😂😭

[@dian277]

i saw a video where a guy asked random college students if women and men can be just friends, most women said yes while most men said no. so that's proof that most men when they appear as a "friend" around you isn't really there to be a real friend. and lost of women also said that they end up finding some of their male friends having crushes on them. and the canopy ministry has also been indirectly admitted by men, who stated that if they see women who are close with other men, whatever they are to the women, they steer away. also, another way for men to use you in the name of "friendship" is in attempt to attract other women. idk why they think it works, maybe it works for some women, but it never worked for me, i always avoid men who have close and ambiguous female "friends", but men think it works, so they'd to it.

[@rebekahm6672]

I often feel like I can’t even trust male family members

[@gyozagobbler420]

same. my uncle was in town after like 10 years and i heard him and my dad making sexist jokes and stuff and wanted to vomit and leave

[@user-dq6sf5yh5x]

unfortunately u cant

[@lysandracaspez578]

I believe you. Many of male cousins or distant male relatives have tried to canopy ministry me. Whether they were trying to “protect” me and didn’t know what they were doing, or they truly had sick feelings, doesn’t matter. I say if they are not intermediate family DONT BE ALONE. I know it’s sounds scary but most men do not think much about SA a female family member…

[@kamjohnson6877]

A lot of victims of rape wee victimized by a family member, blood related

[@rebekahm6672]

@@lysandracaspez578 yes, it happens a lot in my family but I also know the rest of the family will try to cover it up and hide it rather than defend the victim.

[@ahoneysuckle]

girl this came just in time! i just told a "guy friend" that I felt convicted by God to not hang out with men who I'm not dating or who are not my family alone anymore, and now this is just confirming my decision fr. thank you!!💗

[@therealmanifestelle]

🥹🫶🏽🫶🏽 happy to help

[@alinaqirizvi1441]

Interestingly in Islam for example extramarital relations like men-women friendship are forbidden apart from at a formal level or when you are looking at people for marriage

[@cm-yu6gu]

@@alinaqirizvi1441 REALLY? I need to hear more about this. Does Christianity have anything similar?

[@user-ly3li3ex8c]

@@cm-yu6gu Christianity does not have the equivalent of that sort, in fact we even see a few women like Mary (who was even a former prostitute) travel with Jesus and His disciples and these women financially helped them. In these days of hookup culture, men who look average and not particularly physically attractive have less of a chance to date a more attractive woman if she doesn't already know him... and women who find an attractive man to date have more pressure to sleep with him as soon as possible before really knowing him. A woman taking her time being friends with a guy she's initially attracted to can potentially prevent heartache (from being dumped after sex so early) and lets see her multiple suitors under the guise of them being male friends. There's a risk that the guy will move on quickly to date someone else while you're friends, but its just part of the game what strategy you decide to use and for who based on intuition. Everything seems to have pros and cons, just gotta see what works for you and your mindset approach and expectations with whatever strategy you use and for who.

[@ahoneysuckle]

nope! in the bible, God mostly emphasizes how it is important for ppl to not view each other with lust. He talks a lot about men respecting, uplifting, leading, and protecting women, because we are the "weaker vessels". I used to like be confused by this, but I learned as the "helpers of man" we play one of the most sacrificial roles in society. Jesus was also "the helper of man" who sacrificed everything for us, so biblically we walk extremely closely with God (even closer than most men). being the "weaker vessel" means that we are very spiritually sensitive to God and attacks from the devil, so we need to be guided and protected by godly men (aka provider mennn). so ya, to respect each other's purity and avoid sin, some christians feel called to have boundaries when it comes to like opposite-sex friends! ☺@@cm-yu6gu

[@SonicGamerGirl2006]

I have male friends who have supported me throughout my life. While I genuinely believe that you can be friends with a guy too, you'll have to watch out for some of these boys and men. Some can be creepy, abusive, or even toxic. Look for ones that have qualities of friends that you'd like, regardless of gender.

[@iiCounted-op5jx]

💯💯

[@lelz0394]

Why is he so special, why couldn't a woman fulfill that role for you?

[@Niveverse]

@@lelz0394why do you care so much. His gender is the least important thing in the friendship. Stop projecting and trying being a girls girl.

[@annle986]

i love Elle's content but I agree with this too! I have platonic male friends that are into things that I really cant get any girl in my circle to talk about with (lord of the rings, Dune..). I do appreciate male friends and i immediately keep distance or cut off any one-sided friendship (i have romantic feelings or they do...)

[@SonicGamerGirl2006]

@@lelz0394 Gender doesn't matter, pal. Their personality and how they treat you is what matters WAY more.

[@naveenakoneru9211]

My dad always always said guys usually keep their eyes open for any opportunities with female friends, that things are never completely platonic.. I only knew how right he was after going through it myself

[@its_my_area]

I'm a first semester undergrad girlie, recently a man of last semester from my Uni directly asked me out on a date. I plainly said 'but I don't know you.' He was 6 fit tall. After talking to him 4-5 times he said himself that all these 4 years at Uni he made zero male friends and 10 female friends. He also said he hates all men of his cls & didn’t go to Uni trip just because he would have to spend the night with those men. That's where I felt doubt like why he couldn’t even have atleast 1 male friend out there from a Uni?! I felt so unattracted toward him hearing this. 🙏🏻 now your cls has confirmed me that I was right 🥺 I love you a lot.

[@che4840]

dodged a bullet!

[@GG_-li9rp]

He’s probably sleeping with at least 3 🤮 Good job following your instincts tho

[@carmelcutie1991]

Eww male pick me?

[@NeyamStar]

What

[@elenam1626]

I wish I knew these things in my teenage years and early 20s. I dropped male friends some years ago and I start seriously developing female friendships. I think I had gained quite allot since I started pouring time into my female friendships.

[@C.C.369]

Every time Elle rants away on this particular topic I'm reminded of a Jimmy Kimmel video called 99problems of 99people where they interview New Yorkers asking "what's your problem?" There is one gal who answers fast like a pistol shot: "loser man who come into your life and suck out all your energy; steal your joy!" 😂🤭🤣

[@salicious666]

I hv noticed tht every guy friend i hv made would try to put me down in one way or another "as a joke". Whereas every female friend ik have always tried to hype me up even when i m not feeling my best. Every insecurity i currently have can be tracked back to a guy friend making a comment about it. Female friendships are just in general so much better than male ones.

[@eulennachathen449]

I feel you. I've had male friends belittle me all the time without even realising it.

[@TerraAventurineStudios]

Not me. Men and women both do this to me.

[@fhufhfhjfjfjf9534]

its not good generalize

[@zoomcards-nt9ho]

@@fhufhfhjfjfjf9534 fair, but i think a lot of guys do generally interact by putting each other down without taking it to heart. i've had good male friendships but what this commenter said does ring true.

[@Gremllyn]

I was talking to a guy once at a work event and he told me his whole plot that he befriends women (and also sought them out on LinkedIn???) with the intent to date them and works “the long con” on them. I tore into him so hard and everyone else around me thought I was weird for being so mad at him. Like it’s so disgusting to manipulate women like that.

[@xxwoman]

Imagine being a LinkedIn predator! What a weirdo 🤡

[@claudiafeochari2188]

lol my ex was a Linkedin Predator that’s how we met

[@codevode7825]

Same. He was a "nice guy".

[@ajohonly3721]

I know and broke my heart,because I really thought he was like a brother while home boy was hoping my relationship ends so he can steps up literally like a movie. I got married and he disappeared.

[@afrikurl]

My friend’s dad called the canopy man space. He said to not let men hang around and take up man space. They take up man space and the man that wants you doesn’t have anywhere to fit.

[@FoundSheep-AN]

What is exactly the man’ s space?

[@afrikurl]

@@FoundSheep-AN He was essentially saying that most women only have space for one important man in their lives. If your friend is taking up that space, there is no room for a romantic partner.

[@yabe1496]

Thank you for this pearl of wisdom from your dad's friend

[@Latte-girly90]

@@afrikurlthat’s so true!!! which is why I can’t understand women with multiple male friends. It sounds like making your life more complicated

[@iaf4454]

Nahh if a man wants you he will be direct to date you no matter the friends or whatever the woman has

[@kigannohoshi]

I've got only one male friend left. He's there only because he has brotherhood, healthy masculinity and he's physically and emotionally safe. I'm expecting a confession to fuck this all up 😂

[@roundtwo3321]

He will probably propose to you. Be prepared.

[@chansfeet2500]

Same here. Throughout my whole life, every guy friend I've had has either been a raging misogynist, trying to date me, or both. It's gotten tiring and infuriating, knowing that I can't really even trust people to be friends with me without ulterior motives. The one guy friend that remains is gay and committed to his partner, so I'm glad he's not into me.

[@chansfeet2500]

@@TheDragontiger123 If they truly cared for me as a person and not as a potential partner, they wouldn't straight up block or stop talking to me when I turn them down, gently might I add.

[@bletila]

i had one of these. just three days ago, while i was in a terrible mood and depressed, he confessed he was in love with me for YEARS.

[@draugno7]

I had a kinda friend that mocked my now friends for their appearance and called certain girls 'a fkin feminist'. I wasn't attracted to him at all and nowthat I think back it's also because I could see him as a whole person. Hope he changed his ways about women. I know this vid is against friendship with attraction but I see it as the only normal entrance to a relationship that guarantees success the most - you observe their behaviour with other women, and men, listen to their opinions, learn about their passions, withouthaving to get burned. Though I'd be clear I like them from the start but don't want a relationship right away

[@star-girlie-c4s]

even as a non-heterosexual woman, I noticed that the more I spend time with my "male-friends" the more I want to change myself to fit into the narrative that I was so estranged to when having only girlies as my besties. it is honestly exhausting when you have to "politely" stop your friend from approaching you for the millionth time cus they just do not listen, but when you start catching feelings for them, you are suddenly not interesting for them anymore. like, this is such bullshit, that I cannot handle it anymore. I love my girlies, and I feel I've not been paying them enough attention lately, which I'm planning on fixing starting right now.

[@happychick94]

One of the benefits of getting old, is young men don't usually think of you as a potential GF. I think older ladies have a role to play in protecting younger ladies, you can help out by offering your chaperoning services. If a guy isn't keen on your bringing your elderly auntie along, then he is probably actually wanting a date. 🤣

[@alegrasworld]

I kinda disagree with the point of them having to find you desirable, otherwise they don't contribute. I do think that some men who are more emotionally mature can make great friends who uplift you but won't have romantic interest in you. So in that sense, having those in your life can be great! However, they're just very rare :')

[@FoundSheep-AN]

It won’t feel good, after years being both single you will ask yourself what is so undesirable about you that he never considered you as a possible girlfriend

[@jenana6882]

@@FoundSheep-ANthat’s your problem with insecurity. I don’t care what man finds me desirable. I love myself and other people love me. You keep commenting about needing male validation for what?

[@Tamil_Atheist2023]

Agree 💯

[@maurivanhanen9208]

​@@FoundSheep-ANAnd? Insecurity is just a feeling until you start acting like a loser.

[@goatcoded]

@@FoundSheep-ANNope, just because a man doesn’t want to pursue you romantically doesn’t mean you’re “undesirable”. It just means the only relationship they’re willing to have with you is platonic, and that’s okay. You shouldn’t beat yourself up over it because you don’t even like him, what’s the point in getting insecure over someone you don’t want either?

[@stephanieb5566]

Sadly I had to learn this the hard way. I had a childhood male friend who was always there for me. If someone hurt me he’d be there, and if I needed advice he would be there to give me a man’s perspective on things. When I was 21, I noticed that my friend’s advice was kind of weird. He was very adamant about me breaking up with my boyfriend at the time, and I eventually did. I shrugged off the skepticism I felt about my male friend’s advice. About a week later that same male friend tried to make a move on me and I rejected his advances. He kept on dismissing me and attempted to SA me. Fast forward to this year… I went out with a male coworker I thought I could trust, and he SA’d me. No good has come to me from trusting male friends.

[@galaxylucia1898]

Hey I’m sorry that happened to you and I hope you get the support to deal with the trauma from the SA. Please take the time to heal, find a support group and therapy. You will get through this. 💗 And just to reiterate what was said in the video, adjust your use of the title “friend”. A friend doesn’t hurt you… those guys were NEVER your friends. Be well and know that you are worth being here. 💗💗💗

[@mkaeganhalll]

i’m so sry

[@intrepidtomato]

I had male friends at work, but soon discovered from what they said about other women that - they CLEARLY don't see us as equally competent - they had radically double standards about female managers getting even slightly annoyed with them vs. male (I called them out on their BS) - they like you, but do not actually have your back - they did not really support maternity leave for a new hire (person affected was not me, but *I* was covering for men on parental leave alll teh time!!) That was enough for me to relegate them to the role of acquaintance. Talk to them, hang out with them if convenient, be on good terms bc it helps at work - but keep them at arms length. My life radically improved once I spent more time doing hobby stuff with other women once I was done with my male dominated job for the day. You are SPOT ON.

[@Leyla-1999]

Every male friendship I’ve ever made has ended negatively

[@gabriella19452]

My dad used to tell me men were not honest friends to women, and I wish I had listened. I thought he was just being old fashioned and sexist. I used to be very pro male/female friendships, but all my male friends eventually either: 1) tried to hookup with me and then blamed it on being drunk or "going through a rough time," 2) confessed feelings, depsite pretending for MONTHS that they respected that I wasnt looking to date and they were not pursuing me, 3) considered me a backup gf and pursued only after their first choice left or rejected them, or 4) tried to cheat on their gf with me as a side chick.

[@crystalnelson314]

My male friends add to my life, and if they do gain something from me too, so be it. They have helped me, especially in getting me out of abusive situations. Male friends afford single girlies male protection.

[@FoundSheep-AN]

Are you married ? Are you in a relationship with a good man? If not, your male friends are the reason you are single Canopy ministry

[@crystalnelson314]

@@FoundSheep-AN I am single by choice. Dating just for the sake of it isn't being in discernment.

[@roundtwo3321]

Sure, but now that they know that you're an abuse victim, they see you as fresh meat that they cannot soil, no matter what they do to you. So, watch your back now. Never tell a man that you have been abused. He will see you as damaged goods that he can use whenever he choose to do so. Women will be the sympathetic ones.

[@habbostefanie]

@@roundtwo3321you are speaking nothing but facts

[@DilaZulfi]

Girl better watch your back any minute they will use this against you. "But I was the one who saved you from your abusive r/s why won't you date me?!"

[@kylaarmstrong-benjamin8066]

The best guy friends that I'm still friends with after 20 years, are the ones that were never and still aren't even a little attracted to me! 😂

[@FoundSheep-AN]

Doesn’t it lower your self esteem that these men do not find you desirable and don’t think you are worthy to be a girlfriend nor wife? Nor to be pursued ? Are you happy they think you are not hot nor attractive as a female? I had platonic male friends and it hurt my self esteem. Now I don’t.

[@queenjohnson5097]

​@@FoundSheep-ANyeah I usually like her videos but I'll have to disagree with her on this. But at the same time there are exceptions to the rule. I have a lot of male friends because the type of middle school and highschool STEM program I went through was predominantly male. Yes some of them maybe had a mini crush on me once but once I started dating someone it became completely platonic. And now I'm about to graduate college and I know for sure none on them would ever consider going after me because they value our friendship more and wouldn't want to break apart our friend group. The other girl in our friend group feels the same way as always says they're her brothers 😂 I feel like having 1 male friend definitely means it's more likely that they'll fall for you or will secretly pine for you. But it just depends on how close you are. I know girls play videogames and like nerdy stuff but it's not been my experience with the people I grew up with and I found it in a predominantly male friend group. I think if you have male friends you need to friend zone them automatically if you don't want to be with them. But also personally I think being friends before dating is the best way to really get to know a guy and see if a masks falls. Happy holidays!

[@celinasjourney]

​@FoundSheep-AN if thats what your worried about your literally insecure. Everyone in these comments just hate men, this is sick and I don't even date

[@Lissitchka]

​@@celinasjourneysame opinion ❤

[@kylaarmstrong-benjamin8066]

@@FoundSheep-AN well no, not really, because I'm not the slightest bit interested in or attracted to those male friends, in any type of romantic/sexual way, shape or form. The one's that were attracted to me, would eventually either make a move, or just kinda stopped pursuing me. And that's fine, though it's a little disappointing that because they can't get sex from me, they don't want to be friends, but I don't think that's what actual FRIENDSHIP is supposed to mean in the first place anyway, so it's better to know, than to have someone who's just pretending to be your friend, and hoping you'll let your guard down or try to hook up the you when you're both drunk, and then trying to blow it off when you sober up, like it's no big deal 😕 Um.... Yeah but MOW.... I'm no longer comfortable around you! And there goes THAT "friendship" that was never a “real“ friendship to begin with!

[@PhotoJeticPoet]

I'm not even that pretty but I find my "Male Friends" claim we are platonic friends but get upset the moment they find out I'm talking to someone else. Sir we were just friends remember.

[@naveenakoneru9211]

This hit the nail on the head! Just recently a friend/coworker confessed and felt me up after getting drunk at lunch. To make it worse, he doesn’t have the guts to straight out say he likes me when sober, but I know he’s angling for it.. nowadays I feel like every guy that I smile at and am friendly with sees me as a potential/backup gf.. so I’ve raised my guard and can’t label them as friends

[@spam.meisubi]

After this year my level of trust in men is soooooo low. Ended two male friendships after realizing I was being taken advantage of in multiple ways. One of them had told me he viewed me as a sister for years then tried to get in my pants while he was tipsy this summer. Another treated me like his girlfriend in terms of how much he demanded from me emotionally and in terms of how much he relied on me for validation (and used the silent treatment on me when I wasn't his lap dog!!). I can't trust male friendships anymore. There are only a handful of guys in this world I trust at this point.

[@annle986]

totally resonate with the part "treated me like his girlfriend in terms of how much he demanded from me emotionally". When I addressed it, they just could not get it and I always end up so damn drained. They just expect all the emotional labor from me as my responsibility in a friendship...

[@Ethan-fb3yb]

This is true for immature men. I understand taking precautions of men in general bc like you said, there’s more to lose for women. But real, genuine men-women friendships are important and can be so rewarding. I’m a guy, and my best friend for the last 3 years has been a woman. We both acknowledge our relationship is platonic. We respect each other, and we offer support for each other mentally and emotionally when needed. It’s not like we don’t acknowledge each other as desirable people, we just know we are most compatible as friends. I don’t distinguish between the men and women circles of friends/acquaintances in my life either. They should be treated with equal respect and care. So I agree with some of your points because it’s a dangerous world, but cutting off all platonic relationships with men is overly broad and also cuts off so many opportunities to befriend good people with genuine intentions. I would suggest always use caution but also good communication and wisdom when trying to nurture genuine friendships

[@BanginOnWax682]

Friendships between the sexes are essential, some may blossom into something more platonic while others romantic. This shouldn’t be discouraged, in fact the other way around. Men and women need each other.

[@FlamingCockatiel]

Thank you so much for writing this! I enjoy hearing what men talk about, especially the nerdy stuff.

[@exoticalxixi]

While having guy friends may work for some women, friendships with men should have intense boundaries. That is what this video was about. Intense boundaries.

[@RocketMiner777]

Hey :D Thanks for sharing your perspective! it's encouraging because i never read before the male perspective of this, it's almost everytime from the girl's pespective. My childhood and best friend it's a male, sometimes i get anxious into thinking that maybe i could be wrong and he wants something different than a friendship, but then i see the way he acts, how he treats me, etc. and it's more brotherlike than anything else. I really think the perspective from the girl of this video it's too drastic, but i get her point though. Sometimes men only are your "friends" when they want something for you or use you. I think the way to have succesful male friendships or frienships in general it's being rational and selective with who are you gong to be friends with.

[@ro2974]

yas y'all can have male friends but not when they're dusties who are leeching off you for what you bring by existing. setting boundaries and seeing how they behave when you do is so important! elle's videos have been enlightening and literlaly remind me that the relationships we have with men/women, whether platonic or romantic, should be abundant, secure and loving/supportive. if not, get out! wondering if we can touch upon the topic of infertility tho? would love to hear how this is viewed in your perspective especially with the way it socially affects an individual bc of "women being the source of creation"

[@therealmanifestelle]

🫶🏽🫶🏽📝📝

[@jinaolen786]

We are the source of creation for waaay more than just babies! Valuing women primarily for birthing children is patriarchal.

[@AmericanDreamer]

wondering if we can touch upon the topic of infertility tho? would love to hear how this is viewed in your perspective especially with the way it socially affects an individual bc of "women being the source of creation" - YES, PRETTY PLEASE. This topic is really not enough covered IMO

[@ro2974]

​@@Returntonature145tbh this depends on the nature of your relationship and how often y'all talk + dynamic + boundaries. if you're getting signals that indicate something more, then you gotta respond and be clear. if they don't understand, out they go lol

[@ro2974]

​@@AmericanDreamerfr it kinda feels a bit reductionist at times. hope this is covered soon!

[@jaimiejin7992]

This is such an intriguing topic! It's subtle too. I've heard a guy saying that he doesn't want to pay for dates. But if he goes out with a female friend then she'll pay for her own meal. This way he enjoys the company of a cute woman without having to court the woman. I myself do feel it weird to have male friends, unless they're professed gay. With close male friends there's this weird vibe of, well, do you like me or are you attracted to me? It's just awkward and weird, and doesn't do us any good.

[@FoundSheep-AN]

That is in fact a form of low effort dating and they don’t even access the girl properly

[@ayumisae6864]

Yeah I have to admit I wouldn’t go out one on one with a male acquaintance/colleague unless they were gay. Otherwise, personally I feel like I would be opening myself up as showing romantic interest where there is none. It would just feel very weird and inappropriate but I appreciate this is just my perception.

[@ArtemisDeer444]

This is so true. I only have high quality good men in my life, BUT, my male 'best friend' is in love with me and it kills him when I say men and women can't genuinely be friends, I guess because he's afraid of losing his access to me. Another male 'friend' tries to get me into bed on occasion, and even the ones who appear uninterested I'll always hear at some point that they fancy me on some level... Re-categorising them is a great idea because I've been having this debate with the aforementioned friend and he asks "if not friends, then what are we?!". It's a struggle for him to understand, I wish I could articulate it better.

[@Shakti_60q]

I don't have male friends since I was 10 I don't talk to boys since then I feel like there's not use of them in my life

[@GanymedeV]

💯💯💯

[@nataliewolf683]

This is so true- minimizing my friends who are men and inviting more women into my circle has helped so so much. I lost my best friend of 7 years because of this- he got violently angry with me because I didn’t choose him romantically when I never showed any romantic interest in the first place and used one of my friends for validation instead then left her while she was down. It was enough for me to block and never contact him again.

[@Averyr91]

A year ago in 2022, I ONLY had male friends. I would’ve fought to say that male friendships are possible (they are if the guy is healthy masculinity imo). Fast forward, and the only ‘guy friend’ I ended up keeping around from 2022 turned into my bf. he’s amazing, he is a provider, a sweetheart, emotionally intelligent 🖤I always joke with him that I thought we were buds 😂 But during that year I realized - most men feel like there is no point to having female friends when they can just have male ones. So most guys won’t just ‘be your friend.’ It was heartbreaking and I felt betrayed. I cut all of them off. I even almost cut off my bf when I first found out he liked me, thankfully I didn’t.

[@ihangaroundyoutube8052]

''But men are inherently sexist. They feel like there is no point to having female friends when they can just have male ones. So most guys won’t just ‘be your friend’'' if ONLY you knew it goes both ways 😂

[@ihangaroundyoutube8052]

Omg I have been trying to write comments on this vid for 10 mins, I even tried editing my comments because I thought I was the problem, but now I realize the creator of this content is blocking all male comments, even if the male comments are positive, just to keep her narrative. smh

[@Rosetta-gp9mk]

@@ihangaroundyoutube8052it’s to keep our space safe. Go make an article in a newspaper about your opinion. This is women’s territory. You’re privileged enough to be able to like and read our opinions that we’d never say out loud. There’s nothing you can contribute with here. If you have something to say, say it to the women in your life.

[@Jessicaokolie]

​@@Rosetta-gp9mknice reply. The community is proud of you

[@Averyr91]

@@Rosetta-gp9mk 👏🏻

[@Nessyy108x]

I once made the mistake of making friends with a guy. He eventually confessed that he liked me and I told him that I didn’t see him like that. He practically begged me to give him a chance and even brought up how he got me a birthday present one time, when I made it clear that I wasn’t interested in being anything but friends. It made me so uncomfortable being told that I was basically obligated to date him just because he did this one nice thing for me. That one thing made the whole friendship feel so disingenuous.

[@uritje]

I understand that many women have had bad experiences with male friendships but let's not put all men in the same box. One of my best friends is a man, we've been close friends for over 6 years but it is clear to both of us that we only want it to be platonic. It's not like he finds me unattractive or looks down on me but we don't have that sexual or romantic chemistry. And yes I know for sure that we are on the same page because we have talked these things through. I have more guy friends who never have even hinted at wanting to make a move, I think it might have also to do with the environment that we grew up in since I see platonic friendships between men and women everywhere. To me, it's a red flag if a man can't be platonic friends with women, it's a sign of sexism, and I find it a very realistic standard to have where I live.

[@boop79]

I agree

[@meemzing]

You sound European of some sort, I would guess Northern European. In many parts of the world (US, MENA, South Asia etc) the nature of society and male-female relationships are inherently extractive. She is making an important point for those young & green who will be lured in by "nice guy friends."

[@user-jn2mc4pe6d]

I agree

[@polinatprk]

Im eastern European and I can agree. I had a few male friends who didn't want me sexually or romantically. But the point is that our friendships were still terrible. Emotional connection was impossible, thy would never listen to me, make fun of me and treat me like a "bro". They would put me down but still want me to be around. (For connections, comfort etc) . It's common for us to befriend men but mostly because girls find it "relaxing" and "fun":video games, etc. And boys like to cry about their emotions to their girl friends. (probably because therapy is not accessible in post-soviet countries). Anyway, I don't want any male friends, they are energy drainers and they are not capable of emotional support, unless we are in a relationship. @@meemzing

[@meemzing]

@@polinatprk sooo true!!! 💯 That's exactly why I specified because I feel that there's this sort of "forced friendly" culture / ideology in North / Western Europe (including those of that origin in America) which, while it may seem more pleasant for women socially & upfront, is basically an affront to whatever agenda men have going on behind the scenes. If you don't accept their "friendliness" that directly means you don't accept the underlying intent, goals, and actions (basically the entire covert premises) lurking _behind_ it. This is why they turn angry when you don't reciprocate. Why on earth would not smiling make someone angry? When other cultures display misogyny, they tend to be more direct, whereas in the societies I mentioned above it's more like laying a trap. The person who is intended to fall in the trap never has a conception of when it may or may not happen - it's essentially a game of Russian roulette. The point of this channel is we refuse to play that (ie, these games) with men.

[@HaileyB85]

I’m 38 and learned much of your messaging across all your videos the hard way. I’m incredibly grateful that younger women have these videos and can save themselves a lot of time, energy, and heartache. Would have loved to have had access to videos like these when I was in my teens and twenties, instead of magazines telling me to cater to men in every single way imaginable. Happily married these days, but whew it was an exhausting and dangerous road along the way. Thank you for creating this space. I hope the ladies are listening. 💕

[@Borb_3]

I think it depends on why you are actually friends with the guy. Some straight men don’t really fall into the super masculine spectrum and can truly enjoy feminine things and hobbies. I think you can form real friendships if that is the case. But if you don’t really have much in common then that’s a sign that he is just playing the part of a “friend.”

[@Rosetta-gp9mk]

You’re making a mistake. Assuming that just because they’re not stereotypically masculine they don’t want to bang or date you to become that masculine man, is a huge mistake. That’s exactly one of the tactics these fboys use: pretend to be “one of the girls” until you trust them and they can dig their claws in. Don’t fall for it. I did.

[@roundtwo3321]

No. Been there, done that. They're just waiting to get their courage up while they're serving your dolls tea.

[@iiCounted-op5jx]

@@roundtwo3321 lol

[@itzkrillexe7454]

thank u so much for this video. i'm in the process of healing my femininity, but i just couldn't bring myself to end my friendships with men. i'm convinced now, that it is necessary, and no wonder i always felt so drained and used when i'd hang out with them. i always felt like i was being taken advantage of, and now i see i should have listened to my instinct

[@annara686]

If you feel ALWAYS drained and used after taking to friends (no matter what gender) - those people aren't compatible with you(either they're being some sort of "emotional vampires" or your intuition tells you something is off) Just choose the friends talking to whom makes you feel better

[@Twozerofived]

So true

[@kayla21b]

I used to believe there were “exceptions” - men who were truly respectful and treated women as equals. I had a friend I’ve known since I was 8 years old. He was someone I completely trusted. He made me believe not all men were dangerous, and I always saw him as a “good man” in my life. But on his 30th birthday, he proved he wasn’t an exception - just another fake nice guy. And a predator. While I stayed overnight at his place, he touched me in my sleep - starting with holding me, then eventually putting his hand on my 'chest'. I was half-asleep, overwhelmed, and unable to react. I felt so ashamed afterwards and so foolish for ever believing I was safe. What shocked me the most is that even someone I’ve known for decades, who always seemed like a “safe” man, could betray me in this way. Manifestelle was right: even men you trust can turn out to be predatory. This experience opened my eyes - it’s not about isolated cases, but a structural problem. Wish I'd istened...

[@squashgrape205]

I wish I knew this or came across such videos on yt 6 years ago! I had that phase in life where I was bullshitting with " girls are dramatic" "man are so helpful and no drama" and having boy friends more than girls. I was used for elevation of their image, they played with my reputation behind my back. In the last year of my uni years, I was left with a mental scar. One of my male friends tarnished my reputation by claiming himself my bf, eloped with my cousin and blaming me to justify their actions and crumbling my relationship with family members! I was taught all my school and college life that guys take only take advantage when they see the perfect time. I thought I can handle all in my uni life, God! I was sooo wrong! I am left with psychological issues for the incident. I am sorry to my past self!

[@happygolucky9004]

This is so true. I went to a mixer with a guy friend and another girl. He even said to my face he's glad to go with us because just us being with him brings him higher status (he said that verbatim). After he said that I told him he should pay for our drinks and food to level out that advantage. She's so right, guys do realize that women friendships do bring value to men but not much for women. Being around another guy is only going to deter other men from pursuing you. If a guy wants to be seen with you the very least he can do is pay for the meal, friends or not.

[@lakecityransom]

You aren't gonna have many guy friends then, when you pretend things aren't 'equalized' when a woman has 100x easier time finding a date than a man. lol

[@happygolucky9004]

@@lakecityransom Quantity does not equal quality. Women date for quality and parsing is not an easy task. There are both advantages and disadvantages to being a man or a woman. You did miss my point though. Female friendships bring more women to men. Male friendships deter men from approaching. Which ultimately benefits the man more than a woman in a social setting. The good male friends I do choose to keep always pay for the ladies in his company. Fair isn't always equal.

[@marsiescorner1209]

I don't agree with this fully, but I agree for most part. I do believe that men and women can be friends but with boundaries. and having good male acquaintances does have benefits like feeling safe at night when you go out. but friendships with men, being one of the guys or whatever is overrated as hell. dudes who have never breathed in the presence of a woman use you as a status symbol, and they lack the same kind of understanding, and mental capacity as women. it will leave you feeling drained as hell.

[@chocktaebolanca757]

I’m sad to say that with time you will eventually agree with this video fully :(

[@salem3641]

literally… i used to think like this person too, but reality hit me like a brick. i used to have a lot of male “friends” and thought that they were truly my friends, and each one failed to honor my boundaries over time. not only that, they each made me fear for my life at some point. i thought they were “good” men. i do not believe good men exist, point blank period.

[@KhadidjaKhadouj-ur4ke]

​@@salem3641What about close work colleagues, such as the only policewoman among dozens of policemen and she has to spend most of her time with them?

[@KhadidjaKhadouj-ur4ke]

​@@FocusedFighter777What about close work colleagues, such as the only policewoman among dozens of policemen and she has to spend most of her time with them?

[@shravanik91]

most of my guy friends treat me like their girlfriend and I never understood why but now I do thanks elle!!

[@gaara33373]

I just wanna say that genuine male friendships is possible. I have 5 guy bestfriends, one of them is gay. And we've been bestfriends for at least 10 years (each). And I know for a fact they don't have any interest in dating me or anything. And I'm not bad looking either. But they just value me as I am. And I've been genuinely grateful for them & how they've supported me through the years. 👏🏻

[@emily_427]

i had to scroll so far down to find this comment, i understand that a lot of people have had negative experiences in male friendships, but this just isn’t true for everyone and if i followed this advice i wouldn’t have my best friend who is amazing and makes me happy. thank u for writing this 😊❤️

[@deea3586]

I believe you can be friends with male friends. I recently moved and I was able to call not only on my female friends but on my guy friends to help with the move. It seems kind of sad to think that kindness from men can only be given when they want something back in return.

[@Deeyemz]

When I lost a lot of weight, male friends I thought were "bros" started hitting on me and tried getting with me. Some of them had girlfriends and the others knew I had a boyfriend but didn't care. It's rough out here ladies

[@Rinrinribbon]

Relatable 😕

[@samsilverlinings8292]

It’s incredible the difference of how people receive you after weight loss. I lost 50lbs and women began to treat me as a threat and men started looking at me so differently. “Hey guys! I’m still the funny fat girl in here! I’m the same damn person- I’m just healthier”. It’s mind boggling.

[@Yooshiix]

Youre so pretty

[@Yooshiix]

Youre so pretty