"I'm about to meet my estranged alienated child". Tips to help with this challenging moment.

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Күн бұрын

Jack Goodings explains what you can do to help make the first meet a positive meet with your estranged alienated child.
When your estranged alienated child wants to return, it's not so straightforward. You're arranging to meet. You'll be wondering, "have they changed?", "do they still love me?", "will they be angry?", "what can I say, or not say?", "can I show them I love them and miss them?", "what can I do to avoid messing it up?", "I'm afraid, maybe I should just leave things as they are". These are all valid questions and thoughts. Watch this video to help improve chances of a successful outcome with your estranged alienated child.

Пікірлер: 17

@paawarenessuk Ай бұрын

This video is for 'alienated' parents who's adult children return .. not for abusive parents who's adult children have left. There are many of you who have been terribly abused by a parent - physically, emotionally, neglect, sexually, psychologically, alienating you / keeping your physical or emotional involvement diminished between you and the other parent .. before and after separation. This video isn't talking about that abusive parent. Please note .. the perspective of this video is where the other parent has also been abused by the one parent, and has had their child turned against them and lost their place as a parent. In this video, the resulting 'estrangement' is because of 'alienation' .. not 'estrangement' from having been abusive. We stand by any estranged adult child who pushes back on abusive parenting.

@olliestudio45 Ай бұрын

As someone who definitely doesn't want to have a relationship with 'a difficult parent from a difficult family' -- it actually sounds like you are providing some pretty good advice.

@salvadormonella8953 Ай бұрын

You offer good advice. I have an estranged adopted daughter I'd like to reconnect with, and thinking about what behavior of mine would make sense, I arrived at most, if not all the same strategies you plan to employ. Her behavior has been heartbreaking to me, but I cannot make my feelings the focus, even though that is exactly what I want & think I deserve. Parents give more than their all to their kids, and many of these kids (mine is one) seem completely comfortable with ignoring all the devotion and sacrifice parents make for their children. I keep reminding myself that the only thing Mother Nature needs from people is for them to eat, drink, have shelter to stay warm, and to make more people. Human happiness, longevity, morality, nobility, financial status, or well being all mean NOTHING to Mother Nature. Just so long as the four actions I outline occur, Mother Nature is completely satisfied, parent/child relationship be d4mned. Good luck with your reunion.

@jackgoodings Ай бұрын

Thank you Salvador. My thoughts and prayers are with you

@Serenity-vn5on Ай бұрын

My mother would admit she’d done something wrong ever even if you put her feet to flames. Some ppl just can’t be trusted with your emotions or your heart.

@njcanuck Ай бұрын

It's a fine line to dance on. I've been debating whether to reach out on one of my children's birthday. She's an adult now. Started counselling with our original family counselor after 14 years of non-contact to deal with my pain. She remembers my case so that should tell you something. My situ involves autism as well. Wish I could attend your gathering. Hope you'll post on it. Best!

@jackgoodings Ай бұрын

It's a very fine line, for sure. Just my own personal view, I would send the birthday card, even under the circumstances you explained. It can either go as badly as it is already, or can be the crack in the door. A card a year, "love dad, always". It might not be received well, might disturb the fragility, it certainly will have some effect, moreso than not, either way .. if you're able to maintain a steady ground now. It's incredibly complex and no two situations are the same are they. Wish you could attend, but yes, we'll be posting the day.

@AzimuthAviation Ай бұрын

Your efforts are greatly appreciated...

@paawarenessuk Ай бұрын

Thank you

@wendywright5486 Ай бұрын

Rebecca Mandeville Has a channel about family escape voting abuse and all the different forms that it takes As I just made the decision at 61 to go.No contact with my mother.These people will never understand the pain that they caused others and they don't care.They look at it as their perspectiyes

@paawarenessuk Ай бұрын

Thank you for your comment. Yes, Rebecca Mandeville, an excellent channel. FSA (Family Scapegoating Abuse) is a terrible form of abuse. This is what we're seeing with an abusive parent who has caused the disconnection of the attachment between a 'good enough' parent and child .. the 'alienated' / 'good enough' parent has become the scapegoat in the family structure before the separation, and amplified significantly upon separation. Many of the alienated parents often find themselves waking up to the abuse from their own childhood family .. and at some point estrange, at the later years in their lives. The FSA is terrible .. and when the 'alienated' parent leaves, one or more of the children become scapegoated, but all are abused, even the 'golden child'. These videos on this channel are from, and about, the scapegoated parent, who's children are believed to be estranged due to abuse .. but it's abuse from the 'scapegoating' parent .. it's very counter-intuitive. This video explains from a scapegoated 'alienated' parent's position. Rebecca Mandeville, definitely recommended. What she explains is what's happening in parental alienation.

@perrson22 Ай бұрын

Hello i am an estranged child. I find the advice to tell parents not to take accountability bad. I understand in cases when they are seperated and the ex was lying about you but do you really think that parents dont have anything they can be accountable for you dont have to be abusive to have made a mistake and there is a chance this video may be reccomended to an abusive parent. Abusive people always tend to have excuses for themselves or to deny what they've done i think some of them are not just lying to other people but also to themselves. In my case my mother tried to convince me to commit suicide When i called her about this she didnt take any accountability if you would ask her she didnt do it she did what you said in the video and continued to call and ask how my day was and things like that like nothing happened it's infurating.

@jackgoodings Ай бұрын

Hi, thanks for your comment. I agree - to take accountability. The video says that there will be something to take accountability for, not generalize, to acknowledge, that what the child is saying is legitimate, not necessarily always accurate .. but there will be something in what they're saying and for the parent to hear that and take accountability somewhere. To also not take accountability if not correct eg they say you had an affair, but you didn't .. so not agree, not appease, not take accountability for that, it would be inaccurate, a lie, misleading, disingenuous, false .. but do acknowledge.

@gertrudevanvoorden1416 Ай бұрын

Not having introspection is one way to handle trauma. Comes with controlling people . Accountability not likely. Everyone gets damaged in a dysfunctional family and every human makes mistakes. Your comment gives no context. Readers do not know you or your mother. People give up too easily on bloodrelations, which can never be replaced. New Age doctrines taught people to dump others..Mental health patients are more and more dumped by family and society, left without adequate treatment. Conseqience man in Sydney stabbing 7 people.

@Dietconsulting Ай бұрын

My partner knows the number one thing he needs to take accountability for is not fighting harder in the family courts. She got away with a lot because he was not feeling strong enough to keep fighting.

@bristolcorvid8894 Ай бұрын

“It’s probably not because you’ve been ::abusive:: in any way”… Tell that to someone who, from their earliest memories has been afraid of their mother. The “loving mother” who punched them hard enough to cause permanent deafness in one ear and facial nerve damage. The mother who chased her child with a crazed, enraged look in her face and a butcher’s knife in her hands. On and on and on… No. Don’t need or deserve idiotic and uninformed social commentary from people who knowingly or clumsily inflict additional damage. May the next chapters of your life bring you some wisdom.