"What do I do when my estranged alienated adult child contacts me" - what it could look like

Jack Goodings talks about when your estranged alienated adult child contacts you and what it could look like.
Parental alienation can lead to 'estrangement' due to false narratives, perceived threats of you, the indoctrination of their beliefs of you lacking credibility as a parent, and the message they've been given that it's ok to treat you poorly, no compassion, empathy or regard for you as 'parent'. Adding to this, alienated children can also 'estrange' due to the alienated parent's 'reactions' to being treated this way, to being gaslit, having their parental agency hijacked - to trying to navigate an impossible relentless ongoing situation of having their children becoming more emotionally and physically distant. The children internalize it, they see your reactive state, this confirms your threat to them, the things the alienating parent is saying about you being unstable. And one too many reactions, the adult child distances themselves for their own safety.
There's a good chance that they'll come back - very different from how you remembered your relationship with them as children, you as 'present' parent. Being prepared for their return is key to a successful first building block in reforming a new relationship with your estranged alienated adult child. How might this 'return' look?
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[@S.Aktar.K]

Thank you for sharing your experience!

[@olliestudio45]

Now I understand what the channel is about. This is how my sister and I grew up, with our mother and an absent father figure portrayed as an infantile but violent alcoholic. We moved to another country, grew up in and around a religious sect, within a family unit that also functioned like a cult. Weirdly our mother had a number of 'male friends' that included a former teenage runaway slash quasi-homeless alcoholic, a guy who was actually illiterate and cripplingly shy, as well as a number of other somewhat weird characters, yet compared to her they were all strikingly normal. She, of course, liked to act all prim and proper and houseproud and holier-than-thou but we grew up in intellectual, social and economic poverty. When I met my father as a young adult I wasn't really expecting much but his 'laid back hobo' style and demeanour seemed acceptable and overall it was a fairly good reunion. We later had a couple of small scrapes when he got wasted once or twice and got a bit lairy, although mostly in a funny and / or annoying but non-threatening way. Actually, I was really the aggro one there. At some point later he did end up quitting completely. All in all, we had some good times together, bonded a bit and got up to a few adventures. Sadly, my sister never met or spoke to him but when he died she was quite upset and emotional. At least for me, the only way to become a little bit normal involves totally leaving behind all the madness we grew up with, including patient zero (grandma and grandpa) and the whole enabling family squad. There are probably good people there too but we have all made our choices.

[@paawarenessuk]

Thank you for commenting Ollie. You've been through a lot .. yes, this is what the channel's about .. we're all speaking from the place you've come from, and the place where your dad's come from.

[@kdlofty]

It sounds like I'm in exactly the same position as you. Thank you for this video it's helped me a lot. My children have turned their back on me without a single word. My ex claimed she never said anything to them, but then slipped up and said she couldn't remember what she said.

[@jackgoodings]

You're very welcome. And I'm glad its helpful. Keep well and do stay in touch, it helps doesn't it .. we're real folk. Jack

[@kdlofty]

@@jackgoodings Thanks Jack.

[@meerkat783]

Somewhat sweeping generalisation to suggest one parent is a narcissist - it’s got to be one of the most overused words of 21st century. Tired of hearing the label bandied around. Many and varied reasons including personal mental health challenges, depression, addictions and anxiety issues to name a few can lead to family alienation. Bottom line is poor or lack of communication and an inability to discuss issues, believing no contact is a resolution when it’s not. Opting for no contact is often a generational issue where children have observed a parent or grandparent role model the behaviour. Tantamount to putting your head in a bag. Open discussion if not face to face then in a letter is a better option for peace of mind to ensure the generational conflict is not perpetuated for another generation. Concerns not aired grow in our minds and if mulled over long enough can seem like reality even when they are not.

[@paawarenessuk]

It sounds as though you are referring to estrangement when referencing parents that historically have drug, alcohol addiction. Alienation is when the absent parent has NO safeguarding concerns.