I Told My Friend His Girlfriend Is DISGUSTING When She Made Me Uncomfortable r/Relationships

[@darkmask5933]

Story 4: Mark didn't read the comment but someone pointed out OP said only ONE of the comedy tickets went to waste, so that means even though OP was upset, the boyfriend still went by himself. That wasn't a gift for the OP, that was a gift to himself.

[@skullphantom705]

Dude is even a bigger AH then!

[@tonemaster4608]

So you wanted him to waste 60 bucks then

[@tonemaster4608]

​@@skullphantom705 he paid for the tickets, you think he's gonna waste 60 dollars over a cake

[@skullphantom705]

@@tonemaster4608 she did not even ask for the tickets, didn't like the comedian, and the bf went to the show without her. He spent 60 not on her, but on a gift for himself.

[@ynmonroe]

Plus, she said that a Kindle wasn't relevant to her. So basically, dude isn't even trying to get her something that fits her interests.

[@WhiteWolf-lm7gj]

I'm a bit confused by the reaction on the last story. She made it very clear that the *one* thing she wanted was that specific cake. Sure, a Kindle and tickets to a show are great, but they're not what she asked for, so I don't blame her for being upset.

[@D-Dollie]

Me too! It was such an easy request and he completely ignored it! It is NOT JUST a cake. It’s more than that!!

[@fallingawayfromthenorm]

Those commenters were being so ridiculous. I bet the first thing they would have said if OP hadn’t been as direct was “yet another person crying because they have bad communication with their partner”. Like which is it? A. You suck because you are indirect and didn’t get what you wanted OR B You suck because you were direct and didn’t get what you wanted Apparently those commenters think C. You suck, fuck yourself no matter what, die single

[@Kris-wo4pj]

she didnt even like the comedian they were tickets for him. he bought himself a present on her birthday

[@fallingawayfromthenorm]

@@Kris-wo4pj gotta love those jackasses that turn a birthday into something they can benefit from under the guise of celebrating the birthday person 🫠

[@PlasticBluVentRabbit]

For real tho. If someone spends months asking for just one thing and you still manage to fumble it hard, well, there better be one hell of an explanation And so many people were getting caught up in the reaction over “just a cake” that they glossed over the whole “overlooked child” thing op had to go through. I fully understand if he genuinely just couldn’t get it for some reason, but to me it sounds like he got stuff(albeit good stuff) at the last second and expected her to be alright with it because it was more costly or whatever

[@sandeesandwich2180]

The cake story: In comments, the OP clarified that she did not need, want or ask for a kindle. She also wasn't a big fan of comedy clubs. The only thing she asked for was the cake. Also, she had made a BFD about his birthday. She should take the 30 bucks and buy as much pineapple cake as that will pay for.

[@jaccat4336]

She told him about the cake so many times. And texted him the bakery information the week of her birthday. What is his explanation for not getting the dam cake?! Is he that dense or did he not get it on purpose? I think he figured that he could cheap out on the cake and get more expensive gifts that were really more for himself 🤦🏼‍♀️

[@Azulakayes]

Story 1: OP is clueless, jealous and a massive a-hole. FYI, lots of introverts love extroverts as life partners. My husband is an introvert and he told me one of the best things about me is that I can fit in any social situation and I helped him get out of his comfort zone. The mistake that most people think is that people must have carbon copy personalities to love each other.

[@KhaosChilde97]

But the fact is, her friends previous love interests all pointed to him being a bit incompatible with them. So her misunderstanding, while misguided, was understandable.

[@kitk3499]

The people saying ESH and YTA on the last story are baffling me... It's not ABOUT THE CAKE. It'd about his blatant disrespect and disregard for his serious partner's wants and feelings. And for one of them to call her disappointment "abusive behavior"? I am absolutely astounded people like that exist as a dukts in reality

[@mindyschocolate]

Yeah, that’s abuse? What a bunch of gaslighting snowflakes.

[@justaperson4656]

Any woman ever: is upset that their partner ignored and disregarded their wants entirely, and that he got a gift for himself (he still went to the comedy without her) That one commenter: YoU'rE aBuSiNg HiM aNd YoU wErE nEvEr AbUsEd!!1!1!1!1

[@BurlapSnack]

​@@justaperson4656 Exactly those comments were really telling on themselves. "You should be grateful he got you anything!! What you were disappointed over a thoughtless gift?! You're abusive!"

[@s1os2s3]

She is not the asshole for this specifically but in cases like these the ones coming on reddit leave out alot of things. She is overreacting is what my gut is telling me. If she is like she described she is then she is more than likely oversharing her thoughts on everything and when you overshare you also overburden your partner. Whenever that happens the other partner taps out because it is too much. Also, he went alone at the comedy show because: 1. It would be a waste. 2. He needed to relax. He clearly did not appreciate her reaction. By the little she said about him he sounds like someone that wants you to be on point. Also, guys that are like that in a relationship means that she did not got to him and did not crack that shell of his or she is doing something that irks him wrong. He is struggling to accept her the way she is. This is all speculation, ofcourse. Still I wouldnt call anyone an asshole not knowing what she is like with him. P.S: Also, this is not "men being men" and "woman being woman" thing. It is just a couple that had a problem. I am so tired of every damned thing turning into "typical men" or "typical women". You are holding every men accountable for the action of an individual. You shouldnt act surprised if you are judged by how every shitty women then and not offended, right?

[@sarahlyon157]

I cried ugly tears the one birthday I decided I would just make myself a B-day cake to save money. We budget to buy me a cake every year now. It's symbolic especially when you have neglectful family who didn’t prioritize it for you. She didn't handle it well, but I can't say I would have done any better.

[@fallingawayfromthenorm]

The people commenting ESH or YTA in the last story are just something else. It doesn’t matter that the cake was the cheapest item he got her, he made it loud and clear that he doesn’t take her input into any consideration into how to celebrate her birthday. She isn’t asking for a rager my-sweet-sixteen extravaganza that understandably majority of people would not throw. The one thing she made clear over and over was she wanted that cake, and he decided “nah”. It’s a cake now, but who wants to bet it’ll be bigger things down the line when he continues to ignore her direct communication? Even outside of gift giving, just anything he decides he doesn’t have to listen or pay any mind to, be it bills, marriage, child rearing, chores, etc.

[@AndreNDP]

He didn't even decide "nah", "nah" indicates he gave a fuck. He doesn't listen to her, why the hell should she accommodate his mediocrity?

[@skullphantom705]

The chores will result in: + did you do the dishes? - yeah, don't worry. +make sure they're done before I return from running errands. - mhm Then OP returns to find he merely rinsed the dirty dishes and put them away. Still wet and dirty.

[@amznmmdprncss]

and the funny thing is, those same people saying "yta" or "esh" would be like, "well, what did you expect? he was always like this; you knew what he was from the beginning and you should have chosen better," if she married him, and then complained.

[@truthseeker9249]

All the people who said that, I sure hope someone ruins their birthday by doing something like that to them and we'll see how they like it.

[@owl7072]

​@Truth Seeker it was the one commenter saying "it's not his job to reconcile your poor childhood" for me Like, of course it's not, but you know what _is_ his job? _Listening to his partner._ Which he clearly _didn't do, at all._

[@myrabeth77]

Last story: If he cared about her, he would listen to her. She wanted a specific cake and no gift. Instead, he bought an expensive gift she doesn't even find relevent to her life and a cheap cake. This sounds like a power play, like the subtext is "I spent a bunch of money on you, so you can't complain, even though it's stuff I want, not what you want." And yeah, I think he meant to eventually take the Kindle for himself. Why else would he spend a bunch of money on a gift she doesn't need or want instead of less money on the cake she clearly did want? Also, one of the tickets to the comedy show DIDN'T go to waste, meaning he was happy to attend without her. It sounds like that gift was for him, too.

[@artistwithawanderingeye908]

Story 2: OP is a bad friend? Owing someone 5 months in missed utilities is being a bad friend.

[@broken_queer_but_fighting8589]

The friend owes the utilities bills

[@PrincessQ-fj9ly]

Yeah. OP's not being a bad friend at all. In fact, she needs to drop her bad friend.

[@fallingawayfromthenorm]

People love to project their behaviors onto others, I had a friend who was a bad friend who owed me money and hadn’t even begun to work towards paying any of it back after months and she told me I was a bad friend when I asked her to start doing so. According to her “real friends don’t ask for money back”.

[@jillimi]

And she is her “best friend”. I think lots of people now doesn’t know what a friend is.

[@philwill0123]

@rhirhistopit5794 well, 50% more. But fact is,if hes over 3 nights a week, hes effectively moved in

[@jessiejeanne9717]

Story 4: it wasn't about "just a cake". It's about narcissists not listening, thinking they know better, then calling you ungrateful while holding an expensive thing you never asked for/wanted over your head. Once all is said and done, you feel like a selfish asshole because your boyfriend (who had 1 job) did the thing your family used to do to you and you're a pattern recognizer- you know how this ends...

[@babybookworm003]

It’s the whole Reddit pick’s and chooses what they want in the story to fit things they way they want

[@jessiejeanne9717]

@@babybookworm003 exactly!

[@rahulmodi8706]

She is NTA but she is attracting a situation that her parents developed in her childhood. That her siblings get what they want but she didn’t. She needs therapy to break the cycle

[@Jordan-bm8lp]

The cake story…NTA. She’s not upset about the cake. OP is upset about her boyfriend, someone who SHOULD care, not caring about her wants that were clearly communicated. I’d bet the farm that this isn’t the first time the boyfriend has ignored her communication, as she took several steps in reminding him and assuring he knew what cake she wanted from which bakery. He’s TA for completely ignoring what his gf said she wanted and for sending a venmo request for the money spent on a ticket she didn’t ask for. I can almost guarantee the pineapple cake would have cost less money than both the tickets to the comedy show plus the money for the cake of disappointment. The fact that people are blaming OP for having an emotional reaction and calling her TA just shows how much women really do have to carry the emotional burden of unending giving and compromise in a relationship. She did nearly everything except call the bakery and place the order. He ignored all of it. She’s NTA for being ignored by her partner and feeling emotional about it. He’s TA for ignoring his partner and sending a venmo request.

[@pinklemonade8320]

>how much women have to carry the burden of unending giving and compromise in a relationship I am 300% sure that if a grown man threw a fit over getting the wrong kind of cake with his expensive birthday gifts, the response would be nowhere near as sympathetic. (To clarify, I sort of get where OP is coming from, I'm just saying I don't think the response she got was because she's a woman).

[@j.graham8068]

@@pinklemonade8320 I am 263% sure that the majority of women would be actually listening to their BF and not make the cake mistake in the first place. It's about him ignoring her and disregarding her wishes. That implies she isn't important as a person to him. And, one of the comments by a male user pretty much told her to suck it up and not make her BF feel bad. SMH.

[@miminana-hd6nf]

exactly, and the comment saying the boyfriend needs to dump her has to be one of his friends he bitched to. She needs to dump his ass.

[@kingsevil5255]

@@pinklemonade8320 All that sureness and you're wrong still wrong as fuck. Imagine.

[@jakeand9020]

​​@@pinklemonade8320 That's a fact. @J. Graham also a fact. Definitely NTA, guy should consider himself lucky his GF actually told him what she wanted instead of expecting him to read her mind.

[@toshi9742]

Story 1- OP just comes across as either being jealous (that someone she doesn’t like/doesn’t approve of is taking time away from *her* friend) or she’s extremely protective (think ride or die style friend) and sees any inconvenience to her friend as an attack on him and maybe even OP’s ego Edit: Yeah the update seems like it is/was a mixture of both

[@AZUREPHOENIX777]

OP in the last story is NTA. She had ONE request for her birthday, and it was completely ignored. As a direct result of that, of course she didn't feel like going to a fucking comedy club! The absolute nerve of asking for reimbursement...that bf's getting dumped and he absolutely deserves it.

[@catandrobbyflores]

My husband asked me for a "viking drinking cup." You bet your butt I scouted the internet to try and find one. Most of them weren't food safe so I told him. He was happy I tried. This guy couldn't even get a dang cake!

[@holyek7892]

The cake story. I would make all the ESH and YTA flour for OP's upside down cake. She is mad she got ignored. She communicated clearly her expectations. This is the beginning of gaslighting territory. The boyfriend ruined OP birthday.

[@Dina-lc4bt]

Last story: OP is NTA. She told him over and over and over again what she wanted. Why would he ignore that? It sounds like he doesn’t care about what she wants and ignores what she says, then he just does whatever he wants and is surprised when she is upset.

[@Azulakayes]

OP wanted neither the kindle or the ticket. OP is NTA.

[@srkh8966]

But OP needs to love herself enough to get her own cake

[@fleurpouvior2967]

Reminds me of my ex. He kept asking what I thought about kindals, or ereaders, and I kept saying I prefer actual books, or just downloading to my phone. I showed zero interest in them, openly told him I wasn't a fan, and when he got me one for Christmas, I tried to seem happy, or excited, but I guess I failed because he used it against me for years. Every time I was gifted a book, he would throw a tantrum that was wasn't gifted via e-reader. He would literally give me homework assignments and require book reports to try and force me to use it. I genuinly hated that thing by the time we divorced.

[@AndyyWithAY]

From what I've heard living with a couple is completely miserable. It's always an AH move for your roommate to let their free loading partner live in the shared home. And if he has a home why TF does he want to be at yours all the time?? Roommate is a huge AH and I'd be getting a new place as soon as the lease is up. Uggh just the loud sex all the time would drive me insane. They are too rude. And make her pay and take her to court if she won't. She's too big of AH. Alright she paid but still don't like her

[@Original_Tenshi_Chan]

I'm petty, so if the shitty roommate feels the need to "stand her ground that her bf should continue to be a freeloader", I would make it as uncomfortable as possible for them. Buy insane looking sex toys and leave them all over the apartment, maybe hide a few in the roommates room. "Hide" some male clothes in her roommate's room and do a "shitty job" of "covering for roommate". (IE: scream whisper "Wait, what lie was I supposed to tell your BF this time? Whose house was I suppose to claim you were 'visiting'?"). Every time they have sex, scream and moan like I'm having sex too, maybe even pound on the walls, but keep headphones and a book nearby so when they come in asking what you are doing, you can remove the headphones, pretending like you were obliviously reading on your bed and have no clue what they are talking about. She could always ramp it up by finding out what smells and foods the boyfriend hates, and keep them on rotation. Have flowers delivered to the roommate while he's there, with a note saying something like "I had an amazing time on our date XYZ day (what ever day she wasn't with the BF), and I'm looking forward to our next date on XYZ day!(another day she won't be with BF) Kisses, Not-BFs-Name". If the roommate wants to be shitty, be shitty in return.

[@sequoyasierra5671]

If this guy is going to be over all the time he needs to pay 1/3 rent and utilities, as well as pay for his own food. They also should be paying OP to chauffer them around whenever they ask. I know OP feels grateful to the roommate for helping OP with a difficult situation, but OP has paid her back enough for her favor.

[@shizanketsuga8696]

Story 4: As someone who genuinely struggles with choosing gifts I can't wrap my head around what the boyfriend was thinking here. Generally, if I am looking for a gift for you and you let me know about some options that seem appropriate enough I am so grateful that you'll probably get something extra just for that. Why didn't the bf just take the W and get her that cake regardless of what else he wanted to gift her? It's like he was so convinced of his awesome gifts that he thought getting the one thing OP actually asked for was beneath him. Well, either that or he just didn't give a shit and didn't remember her request at all or too late to order the correct cake.

[@fytrndm]

That's the thing, I'm a great gift giver according to my friends and family but that's because I actually listen to them or skim through their wishlist, everyone's predictable and I have a few friends who'd just give me a list because they want specific things. It's not that hard to get someone what they wanted unless this is some kind of power play. Weird move for the guy.

[@bautistalover]

Isn’t it possible he already brought the kindle and ticket before she started mentioning the cake?

[@shizanketsuga8696]

@@bautistalover The Kindle and the tickets? Sure. It's possible. But the cake he got probably wasn't a month old at OP's birthday, so I don't find that particularly relevant. What deliberation would bring you to intentionally get a different cake if you both remembered and cared about OP's request?

[@bautistalover]

@@shizanketsuga8696 oh I don’t know maybe he spent his allotted funds already and the specialized cake from a bakery costs a lot more than a grocery store cake?

[@shizanketsuga8696]

@@bautistalover Eh, I don't buy it. Of course the mass-produced cake from the store will be cheaper, but a simple upside-down pineapple cake won't break the bank in comparison neither on behalf of materials used nor work time spent.

[@Drezha3]

Last story: those ESH and YTA are smoking something strong.

[@TsukiKageTora]

Last story: NTA, he dropped the ball because he didn’t care enough to remember to order the cake and have it made before the date and does what a lot of forgetful cheap and insensitive people do on Valentine’s Day: go to the store after forgetting the special occasion and get the cheap cake and make sure to make the receiver feel bad if they aren’t 100% pleased with their halfassery

[@madambutterfly1997]

Him being in school and having roommates is all an explanation, it is NOT an excuse.

[@madambutterfly1997]

It’s not about JUST A CAKE it’s about an skid mark of a bf choosing NOT to fucking listen or take a hint, hints that were by no means subtle on OP’s part. He wasn’t even mature enough to explain why he didn’t get the cake. But at the end of the day he proved to be no better than Op’s parents in this regard. As far as the other gifts go, he was aware that he royally fucked up and proceeded to lovebomb her with tickets and a Kindle. cliché tactic

[@faeb.9618]

honestly i wouldn't even call them hints. she straight up TOLD HIM she wanted that cake for her birthday, from that specific bakery, and then kept mentioning it to remind him. he just either couldn't be assed to go to the actual bakery or couldn't be assed to prep in advance for it so it wasn't available anymore by the time he went. i was about to say maybe it was too expensive so he refused but no he got a whole ass kindle, he could get that damn cake

[@paulastiles5507]

Yep. I have a feeling EvilTodd is the BF.

[@mayallyourbaconburn]

I suspect it’s not even love bombing but gifts he bought for himself. He went to the comedy show… without her… ON HER BIRTHDAY! Definitely a show HE wanted to see. And the kindle. I can just see it now… “Oh, you don’t use the kindle. Great! There’s some books I wanted to read and the kindle will make it easier for me!” He’s a grade A prick.

[@srkh8966]

@@faeb.9618 did she say, “I want YOU to get this cake for me for my birthday?” For some people, it has to be that specific-especially for a cake.

[@missm.e9914]

that last story really frustrates me. I am someone who puts a lot of thought and effort into gift giving because its part of my love language and I tell you there is nothing more disappointing than asking for something very specific from someone and then getting handed some other junk, it makes you feel really un-cared about and ignored and you wonder why they even bothered to ask what you want if they aren't going to listen to you. Those comments who say its not about cake are right, it also don't matter how expensive a kindle is, that kindle could have been made of solid gold it still wouldn't have been a pineapple cake which is what OP wanted. its not about cake its about respecting people enough to listen to them.

[@PrincessQ-fj9ly]

OP's definitely NTA here. She's entitled to have a place of her own as well as peace and quiet. And the fact that her fake friend was using her and swindled her out of 5 months worth of rent is insane. It's very sad that OP feels obligated, I really hope she will eventually see the light and get a place of her own.

[@Russman67]

Story 3: The ex-husband and son are being enabled by OP's wife. Getting cars out of impound, quitting jobs because they don't want to ride a bus or a bike, those are all choices. And they are choices they are comfortable making because Mom will just bail him out. So now because Mom made the choice to bail out her ex-husband and son, they don't go on vacation.

[@bautistalover]

Yeah OPs wife is kind of crazy supporting lazy behavior. If she’s not careful she’ll end up with another ex husband.

[@gmun2248]

I can't believe nobody seemed to consider it from the wife's side. Why does she feel she has to pay for an ex-husband & an adult son "because he still lives with [his father]"? How did she get herself into the position/ was forced into the position of feeling so responsible for them? All with detrimental effect to her own life and to her marriage. I think it sounds like a really messed up relationship with the son & ex. The ex saying she should still pay for an adult son because he lives with his father is BS. No court would expect her to pay anything. Imo, the father is enabling the son - and leading by example. It sounds like she is, at best, being taken advantage of & at worst being bullied or emotionally blackmailed/ abused into giving them money. She needs a therapist and a lesson on how to create boundaries, and she needs support because she clearly has been unable to get to this point herself. I felt more empathy for her than for her husband who makes a considerable amount more money than she does and doesn't consider paying for a holiday might actually be helpful for their relationship, getting her away from 'real life' for a break & taking the opportunity to talk and help make supportive plans. There was SO much information missing: no context or info about her history. I'd like to hear her version of the story. Also, reddit is so fickle. Basically the husband earns more and cancelled a holiday instead of paying for his wife - as a couple. I've heard many other stories like that where the person earning more & only spending it on themselves is almost always the AH. At the very least, everyone sucks here.

[@bautistalover]

@@gmun2248 No because their agreement was she pays her share. She could even do that. Why should he pay for her when she can’t be financially responsible herself. Typical blaming someone else because one person can’t say no.

[@aphelion4616]

Story 4 NTA: Did everyone seem to miss the part where she actually ASKED for that cake specifically and he said 'SURE'. ACKNOWLEDGING the fact she asked for it specifically for her birthday and he agreed. Even if it was months prior, he should have commited that to memory. Maybe her reminders were a tad much, but that should have reminded him he AGREED to get her that cake. So I fully understand being disappointed in the fact, the one thing she asked for, the one thing he AGREED to get her for her birthday, and he dropped the ball. As soon as he realized he dropped the ball on the cake, he should've apologized and immediately promised to get it for her. Anyone saying ESH or YTA on any of that apparently glossed over where he said he'd get it.

[@missNekolover91]

nah, it's reddit, women are always in the wrong while men can kill someone and they would sniff his farts

[@lsmmoore1]

And you know what? I'm betting the multiple reminders were because OP sensed that somehow the cake might fall by the wayside, and the reminders were to try her best to ensure that didn't happen. But since the boyfriend was dropping the ball on purpose, of course the reminders didn't work.

[@DrawciaGleam02]

Story 4 is what I like to call a muddy flag. Basically someone does something that is a red flag but because of preconceived notions within society the people who complains about them is seen as ungrateful. Very good example: getting a ring you don't like when your fiance proposes. Many people still think if the girl rejects the ring for its appearance then she's materialistic.

[@AndyyWithAY]

If this trifling heifer is OP's best friend, I'd hate to see her enemies. There's got to be someone else to live with. Continuing with this cheeky so and so and getting another roommate is a horrid choice. That new person'll be in a throuple or polycule and even more people freeloading. Cuz Murphy's law. Anything that can go wrong will

[@theloverlyladylo9158]

Story 2: NTA. that was me and one of my college roommates. In a one room dorm! I swear, I think they had a secret exhibitionist kink because why else would you spend 5 nights a week in a college dorm instead of an apartment?

[@LaineyBug2020]

Story 1- I feel like friend might have been moody because OP was hovering around him at the party and not so subtly throwing shade at girlfriendall night. And that he doesn't like it when OP ruffles his hair, but doesn't mind when his girlfriend does it. But nice back pedalling.

[@paulastiles5507]

Story #2: Hey, Mooching PDA Friend, pay your damned utilities, and go over to your boyfriend's place or have him start paying rent. A lot of us have been stuck in this situation and *nobody* is enjoying your romance from the outside.

[@milliedove2493]

We had a roommate like that, only it was multiple men a week or even day, then she would eat our food as well as give it to the neighbors, wasn't paying any utilities or her 3rd of rent, one service was even in her name but we were footing the bill because I was pregnant and didn't want to go without water and electricity, we finally were able to move out she ended up having to move back home and blamed us for her needing to quit her job and schooling because her home was far out of town

[@LilFeralGangrel]

i somehow caught a cold and this is gonna be some nice comfort for me, thank you.

[@broken_queer_but_fighting8589]

Get well soon🤗🤗💜💜

[@cosmicsymbols4225]

Oh no! Hope you beat it soon! Sending good vibes, internet stranger! 😊🌸

[@lydianelson7737]

Story 4: It’s not like OP’s BF went to the bakery and bought a pineapple right side up cake. He went to the grocery store and got a regular birthday cake, that’s not an accident or mistake, that’s a deliberate choice to ignore what OP wanted. He didn’t even try. And she doesn’t get to be upset because it’s just a cake? JFC the weaponized incompetence

[@NightcoreNewbie]

3rd story. OP needs to have a serious talk with his wife. She's enabling the ex and son to keep mooching off of her. This is basically financial abuse from the ex and son because they know they can guilt trip OP's wife into giving them more money. I don't know if this would qualify for a divorce, but they need to talk this out immediately for the sake of their future together.

[@PrincessQ-fj9ly]

I agree with you. If this keeps up, this could not only destroy their finances, but also their marriage. Plus ex and son are old enough to do things for themselves, earn money for themselves and pay for their own stuff. They're just being lazy. And I bet that they're going to abandon her once all the money's gone.

[@saratronus]

My son's lazy no though. But bro it made me realize that a lot of places have reliable busses unlike me if you in my area if you rely on the bus to get to. Work you have to plan to be super early for work. Or you would most likely lose your job because? Of how horrible the bus system is here. They are always early or they're always late they are never on time. It's crazy.

[@sammieh9695]

Its not about the cake, its about his lack of any effort for her birthday. Id send him the $30 and tell him thats the price you're paying to end the relationship. Find someone who listens when you explicitly tell them exactly what you want and will at least try

[@mayallyourbaconburn]

I wouldn’t even send him the $30. I would just remind him that those tickets were a gift supposedly for me, and thus I can do whatever I wanted with them, including letting that seat be empty. And then tell him that’s not the only seat in my life that’s going to be empty!

[@sammieh9695]

@@mayallyourbaconburn that's even more petty, I love it!

[@darkmask5933]

Story 2: Once lived with three other guys (four bedroom apartment) and didn't know this one roommate well, he was a coworker of a friend, and he would unlock the front door of our apartment so his girlfriend could just come over when she wanted. She wouldn't even knock, she'd just let herself in, because he slept during the day and she wanted to hang out with him. I hated it, because eventually she started bringing her sister over and they would hang out in the living area while he was sleeping, and I remember the one time I complained the roommate started screaming from his bedroom they are his guests and he let them come over. Fortunately I got a better opportunity across the country and moved out soon after.

[@s4rcelle]

Last story: comments are insane for blaming her, LOL. She specified she didn't want a gift and, excluding the cheap grocery cake, he spent well over $140, just to ignore the ONE thing she wanted and be annoyed that he spent unnecessary money.

[@LisaApril]

Last story: I think this whole episode shows that this lady can do much better. If she doesn't read why would he get her Kindle? It seems like he just went about getting her things by rote because it was her birthday and he felt like he had to get her stuff. It was not thoughtful gifts he was giving it was just dutiful. I think she can do better because the communication with this guy is not up to par. I'm sure someone who actually cared for her would pay tension to what she said she actually wanted. It's like this boyfriend just erased everything she said and got her what he wanted to get her. I bet $100 that he doesn't like pineapple upside down cake so he didn't get it.

[@ambiguouslyexisting6311]

Last story NTA. As someone who literally only asked for simple things for my birthday (I don’t want to clean the house for a day, or I just want my favorite Thai food) which were regularly ignored for years by multiple partners, I can’t describe how much it makes me dread my birthday to this day. I consider it a huge red flag to communicate explicitly what you want (especially for a special occasion) and have it ignored, because its about feeling ignored and discarded not about not getting what you want. Those who don’t get it are probably the same people that are shocked when their partners break up with them and can’t fathom why they would ever leave them.

[@nomollyshere]

Story 4: I’d message the bf and tell him to sell the kindle for the ticket…leave it on the porch and leave him in the dust!

[@chsoe4294]

Mark, you are doing a great job, and I do enjoying hearing what you have to tell.. You do have the voice of a storyteller, and that is what you do... I wish you the best of days and all the days we can think off

[@MsTemptation]

S3: NTA. Your wife needs to stop being an ATM for her son and her ex. The apple didn’t fall far from the tree when it comes to son and ex-husband. She gets to spend her 70% as she pleases but she doesn’t get to act like you’re the bad guy due to her choice to financially support her adult son and his dad.

[@elithesia781]

Story 4: NTA all the way. My mom did this to me when I turned 20, and the pain of it has stayed with me for years because of the deeper meaning. It really is more than "just a cake". It was 2020 and therefore COVID, but that wasn't a problem for me since I never liked big gatherings anyway. All I wanted was a simple, homemade cake. However, my mom decided that her 4th of July get-together of three people was more important to her, and she put all of her time into that and I ended up with one of those store-bought cakes with way too much frosting and no warmth or love. My younger brother then had his birthday about two weeks later (Three family members born in July in our house), and my mom made him the exact cake that I had asked for (He didn't ask for anything specific). And it was while she was making that cake right in front of me that she told me that she had been "too busy" to make one for me, meaning everyone that year (including my mom) got homemade cakes except for me. I tried to call her out, but she snapped at me and told me how ungrateful I was since my family had gone out and done something else on my birthday (which I didn't ask for) so apparently having the cake I wanted was just too much to ask for on top of that. It's not the cake itself that matters. It's the emotional implications that show you don't care for people when you prioritize other things over them on what is supposed to be a special day.

[@WhiteRoseNeko]

Catching this hot off the press between wedding stuff and Raft! Thank you for the videos. I've been listening to some of your older stuff lately!

[@deusdamnit]

Story 4 Completely NTA. I personally have the exact opposite opinion of birthdays that OP has, but I've experienced that same kind of disappointment in a different way. Me and my wife are living with my in-laws currently. I am an incredibly private person. I do not like being celebrated. I'm the kind of person that fades into the background very easily, and is most comfortable observing. So, I told my wife that the only thing I wanted to do on my birthday was hang out with her at home. Originally, our plan was just to be at home all day. I didn't want her to buy anything, I didn't want her to do anything else. An important note about my wife, and my wife's family: They take birthdays very seriously. They do a lot of cooking, friends, games, the works. Me asking to avoid all of that is a departure, and I only do it for my own birthday. In the days leading up to my birthday, she told everyone that we'd just be at the house hanging out. Day of my birthday comes and for some ungodly reason she's blocked out literal hours of the day on driving her kids around doing general errands. Nothing that needed to happen that day. Nothing that needed to be done, it was just her kids couldn't drive and decided that they wanted to go do errands, and she didn't say "not today." And, again, I mean really stupid shit. She went to Crumbl Cookies, for example (she knows I hate their cookies and wouldn't ask for them - I promise, it wasn't for me in any way). Crumbl Cookies is available on DoorDash and other delivery apps, they actually spent the same amount in gas to drive and pick it up that they would've spent on the tip to deliver. They went to a few different grocery shops, again for stupid things like buying snacks. Her kids knew what day it was (she told them our plans). She knew what day it was. The only thing I asked for was her to spend time with me on a day that she insisted was super important. She was gone from the moment I was awake well into the evening. By the time she got back home, I was so disappointed and done with the day that I just went to sleep. I told her that it was hurtful how she handled the day and that she chose to prioritize her kids random whims over me after how big of a deal she makes birthdays out to be. And you might think "You said you didn't want to do anything, what's the problem?" - Just like with OP, my wife ignored what I was telling her to do what she thought was best, and in effect hurt me by showing me that she didn't care what I wanted enough to enforce boundaries. Now, don't get me wrong, I get it, my wife is a people pleaser and she wants everyone happy all the time. But, this was a situation where she made a big fuss about making it about me, and I was the one left high and dry. Sadly, the same thing happened on our anniversary. That was another painful moment. So, as someone who hates celebrating his birthday and receiving gifts, people who say you should be grateful for loved ones giving gifts that show they don't have an active interest in you as a person are deeply privileged people. It's one thing for one-off gifts from casual friends or acquaintances, it's wholly another for gifts from close family. If you're buying gifts for loved ones, base it on their interests or things they do in their everyday life. Do they cook? Get them something for their kitchen (bonus points if you can learn about something they really want, but haven't had time/money to get). Tailor your gift to the person you're buying for and you will always find success, even if you get them something that they might not use or already have. You're showing them that you value them enough to take an interest in their life and hobbies. Also... how wild was it that he had the audacity to ask her to pay him back for the ticket? Dude, it was a gift. You don't ask for people to pay for gifts just because they're unhappy with them, that's insane. Hell, a lot of the time you keep the receipt in the gift so they can exchange it for something more suited to them.

[@mericawillis2338]

So sorry, wish you the best

[@musicallydisneyamvs6731]

Story 1.) Playing devils advocate, I feel people jumped on “you’re jealous” wagon, too quickly. Maybe it’s common, but as someone who has friends who require the jaws of life to open up, I get it. Especially if I didn’t know them being the typical shy, closed, not wanting to complain & be a bother friend became more sociable than ever before.

[@slytherinlibrarian3501]

But she was jealous; reddit was right in the end. Just because she claims that her feelings aren't romantic doesn't mean they're healthy either and the whole, "I know him best, and need to take Lucy down a peg." behaviour was manifestation of it. She made a bunch of shitty, misogynistic snap judgments about someone she barely knew as a person because she felt that her claim to Danny, even as a friend, was more valid.

[@musicallydisneyamvs6731]

@@slytherinlibrarian3501 As stated. Was playing devils advocate. My point was I could see this type of situation happening. Not saying it’s true or false.

[@LadyBern]

It's not far fetched. There has been stories of "my best friend's girlfriend is terrible for him. He's usually like this that and the other. But she makes him do this this and that. He's changing in a way we don't like. Update: turns out his now ex gf have been controlling and abusing him. Purposefully wearing revealing clothes and flirting with other men to make him jealous, she would gas light him to say it was his problem and he was paranoid/insecure when in reality she was cheating on him. Her friends knew and he was just an ATM to her. Good riddance." When your bestie starts acting differently you have to know if it's them trying to get out of their comfort zone or someone forcing them to.

[@bloonh8tr619]

Thanks for the upload Mark!

[@DKLovely34]

Story 4. My boyfriend always asks me what I want for gift giving holidays and my birthday. He always gets EXACTLY what I ask for. Idk the whole story but I have a feeling that this probably happens a good amount. Being grateful doesn’t mean you can’t be disappointed. She probably shouldn’t have cancelled the comedy show. But she wasn’t wrong for being a bit upset. Just didn’t handle it the most mature way.

[@tallydane2770]

I share the cake pain, mines picnics, I've never been taken on a picnic before for a date, despite clearly explaining how much I enjoy a simple blanket and food in a park somewhere to my two previous partners. Current partner had some plans for Valentine's day but it rained that day, I was still disappointed as on the way home he called me to ask what we had at his place for a picnic, super disappointed that he didn't bother to plan ahead at all. It's not the cake, it's not the picnic, it's how much your partner bothers to listen and actually do things that are meaningful

[@alexsantoire4701]

Last story is a NTA. Maybe a little of ESH if OP has never explained her childhood and feelings around the importance of their birthday to their partner. But, if they were open and said it is a big deal and need the partner to step up than he failed at jumping over such a low bar. If he can't listen to her for a simple thing as ordering a specific cake, than he is missing out on something that OP finds important in a relationship: being acknowledged as an individual. It was a small gesture of him acknowledging her as an individual with her own wants for a day and he failed. I hope OP has some therapy to go through that trauma as a kid, but, drop the boyfriend and find one that really acknowledges and sees OP for who they are and notices and takes note of the things they like. Pineapple upside down cake is also amazing and I hope OP got to try it from that bakery.

[@swearimnotarobot3746]

I’m calling it now, OP has a crush on Danny and as a result, hates the girlfriend for literally no reason. Dancing, having fun, laughing, being happy, ruffling his hair, etc. Edit: At least from the update, she realised she was wrong and is trying to be better. Story 4: She’s upset that she told him about the came multiple times and he still didn’t listen. Like she was as clear as possible.

[@WhitneyDahlin]

I suspect OP has feelings for her "friend" 🙄 ugh those people are the worst who act disrespectfully and territorial the second their "friend" gets a partner.

[@swearimnotarobot3746]

@@WhitneyDahlin and in the edit, she’s like “we BOTH broke up”. Like sure, yet you’re still stuck up on it.

[@vampire9545]

So we agree, op knows what danny likes and hair ruffles is a non like

[@swearimnotarobot3746]

@@vampire9545 ? People can not like something and change their mind. He might not have liked it before, and does like it now.

[@MuDkipzCHancelLOr]

case #123123123 of straight men and women not being able to be friends. the revealing clothing is trashy but that's her choice. it's not like she has to date the thing herself.

[@CrystallynRose]

Last story: So why was it that BF didn't buy her the cake? Was it cost? Unlikely...he bought her a Kindle and then comedy tickets, I'm sure he could've used that money to buy a cake instead. I guess it could've been because he found it inconvenient. If that's true, I personally would be upset my SO couldn't bother to do the one thing I actually wanted. I could understand it if she asked for something from a bakery really far away, but they drive past it, so that's not the case. I'm betting that flavor of cake is what he prefers and that's why he bought it. From other comments it sounds like the comedy show was something he wanted to go to as well...not what she wanted to do. He basically threw himself the birthday he wanted. I wouldn't be surprised if the Kindle was regifted. I'd dump him. You don't need to stay in a relationship with someone that doesn't consider your feelings. And asking her to reimburse him for the ticket was absolutely ridiculous! It was a present from him and she decided she didn't want to go because she was upset. After it was given to her as a present she has the right to do whatever she wants with it, including choosing not to use it. I know I personally wouldn't want to have to sit next to someone who just upset me the whole night to watch a show that I didn't ask to go to. If I were her the moment I got the Venmo request I would've been done. I would've Venmo'd him 1 dollar just to put in the comment "we're over." He has a lot of gall to pull that move.

[@jackchop1576]

Story 1 worded her version of events in a way that makes me not trust her. She seems shady.

[@Electrical904]

The biggest problem is that it’s literally just a cake.. that she purposefully and specifically asked for for like months. And as another commenter mentioned he still went to the show.. meaning it’s something HE wanted to do. NTA

[@adriennewaterhouse5174]

Adding another roommate just sounds like a failing marriage adding a baby

[@justinecorrington4106]

Story 1 i just the head high school musical ‘stick to the status quo’ vibe “its better by far to keep things as they are, don’t mess with the flow, no, no stick to the status quo!’

[@sandeesandwich2180]

Also, people saying "It's just a cake!" are the same people who say "why won't she just tell me what she wants!?!"

[@GBunnyG]

Story 4 is bonkers to me. If you ask your partner repeatedly for one thing. ONE THING. You want for your birthday and they can't even do that? After being asked REPEATEDLY? No freaking way. Screw that.

[@videofan1010]

I feel bad for OP#2. She clearly doesn't have an option for a stable and peaceful home life.

[@AndyyWithAY]

I've been trying to make some online connections and one of the guys I was talking to ended his message by asking me to tell him about the last time I hurt someone and the last time I was hurt. ??? Talk about invasive. Why do you want that information? Are you composing a file on me? That won't be going any further.

[@broken_queer_but_fighting8589]

Oof good luck and be safe

[@carolroberts4614]

What a strange person! Glad you're being careful

[@carlrood4457]

It's very possible to be jealous of a platonic friend's SO. The relationship affects the friendship because you don't get the same amount of time and attention you previously had. It happens all the time. OP doesn't have to have romantic feelings. She's jealous because the GF is opening the friend up to new things.

[@BoT-ez5lw]

Story 3: Some enablers don't even get what they're doing. That's devastating for their finances and relationships. I have friend in a similar situation, and she sincerely believes she helps her 38-year-old son by supporting his unemployed, aimless life and gambling addiction.

[@gmun2248]

The comments on this annoyed me. Imo, the ex-husband is enabling the son more. Then showing him there are no consequences because he can always get his ex-wife to 'help'. There was so little background info, nothing about the reasons his wife feels she has to give money, only a brief mention that the ex says she should still pay, basically child support, because the 'kid' still lives with his father. That's a hint of emotional blackmail. It sounds more like she needs some therapy and support than all the criticism. And I think the OP is the AH for not paying for a holiday for him & his WIFE when he could afford it. That's an indication of another relationship with a major imbalance of power.

[@ajzephyros7454]

Story 2: damn, I just feel bad for OP

[@TsukiKageTora]

21:05 this dude legit doesn’t seem to see the picture. The fact he couldn’t get that one single cake, the only think OP asked for, signifies that she isn’t as important to him as he is to her. It’s the same thing as the many stories of someone giving their partner thoughtful gifts and then their partner gifts them something from the store without much thought. It’s like they don’t care enough to gift something meaningful or remember what they want

[@invisigoth510]

Story one: that reference about wanting the guests to leave was a subtle hint that it was time to leave

[@fytrndm]

OP wanted a cake, get her a specific cake. Jeez my guy, men like these exhaust me. They'd complain to their friend group about how much their partner never tells them what they want and then turn around and do crap like this. It's no surprise to anyone that their spouse already gave them a list even, they just never cared enough. OP should just cut her losses. Marrying, heck, even being casual friends with men like these suck the life out of anyone. Also, don't get a kindle who never wanted a kindle, they'd never use it. I've seen this happen and the other partner just throw a temper tantrum.

[@MsUnamusedNerd]

STORY 4: there are a lot of relationship stories like this. Wife and/or a girlfriend will tell her significant other. (Bf/husband) multiple times up to a certain special occasion, being anniversary, birthday, or even Christmas just one thing that they really have their heart set on. A single gift or even food that they would like for a treat on their big day but the guys just dropped the ball on it HOWEVER, if the same thing happens to them where the girlfriend/wife is sick of this pattern and gives the same gift getting energy he pouts and act like a child. Wife/GF What do amazing presents like tickets to a concert, tickets to a movie, a PlayStation, five, Nintendo switch, and just different, extravagant and expensive gifts but they get something cheap and return like their 15th bathrobe.

[@NemFX]

Story one: I'm honestly getting the impression that OP is either jealous, or a prude, maybe both. Story two: I wonder if they have an exhibitionism kink, and they WANT you there to hear them.

[@TopazFire15]

In story 4, the boyfriend left OP behind on HER BIRTHDAY to still attend the stupid comedy show, after an already disappointing evening. Now he’s more concerned about getting $30 than figuring out why his actions hurt her so much. Damn, with friends like this…

[@ajwinberg]

Last story, Not The AHole. She only wanted the cake and she told him several times. He didn't listen. It is sad when people aren't heard by their significant other.

[@ladytrucker251]

Story 1 comes off like, YOUR PLAYING WITH MY TOY

[@saldiven2009]

That last story is the kind of thing that just perplexes me. If your partner does you the favor of telling you exactly what they want for their birthday and it is within your budget, what possible reason is there to go and get something else? I mean, this is the kind of thing that tells your partner, loud and clear, that you don't really care that much about them.

[@Josku2411]

Notifs hella late i did some yard work today and now i have a pile of rocks waiting to be put back into their spot but in the meanwhile they're straight vibing behind my car which was a whoopsie from me bc i realized a few hours ago after showering and such that i need the car tomorrow...sooo..it seems that it's biketime for me

[@broken_queer_but_fighting8589]

Oof good luck

[@MsTemptation]

The last story: NTA. It wasn’t just a fucking cake. It was the cake she wanted for her gotdamn birthday. It was her birthday. HER birthday. So when someone tells you exactly what they want and not what you want them to have- they don’t have to be grateful because you didn’t listen to them; thus totally ignoring their feelings. It’s being controlling. He was trying to force her to humble herself by accepting only what he wanted her to have. She needs to dump him because he doesn’t care about her wants just his own.

[@tazza3591]

last story - OMG! the audacity of the boyfriend! dump that dude first of all. second of all, send him a venmo request for the price of your pineapple cake and go buy yourself one op. you deserve it fr

[@tazza3591]

also, guy300000, try being i a relationship where your needs, wants and requests are continuously ignored. op doesn’t suck in the slightest. it’s not just a cake either. this is just the tip of the iceberg

[@BriannaWeldon]

Melting down about the cake was a trauma response. He had to know she had trauma around gifts, birthdays, and being disregarded.

[@Weirdandwonderfull19]

I have to say, I do respect people when they can hold their hands up and admit they're wrong, and then try to make amends. It takes courage to admit to yourself that you're the one at fault, and even more to admit it to others. It doesn't make bad behaviour more acceptable, nor does it make the situation ok, but it shows maturity and the willingness to try and fix your wrongdoings.

[@chibijay78]

Story 2: Living with a friend can be tricky, especially if your close. I lived withba friend for 2 1/2 years and she often took liberties thinking its okay and for me? It was not. We moved into other places and our friendship did cool down a bit and unfortunately we are not that close anymore because of that. Still friends but well... I can also understand OPs trouble in moving out as I had to move between places before I was able to move into my own place and it was hell 😢 I'm still mad at my friend because of that

[@WatsonAndDaughter]

Story #4: Man, I laughed out loud. I'm allergic to pineapple, and every birthday when I was young I would ask for an ice cream cake. My mom would make a pineapple upside down cake. Every. Year. I had to watch everyone eat cake on my birthday that I couldn't have.

[@carolroberts4614]

I'm so sorry! I hope you get plenty of icecream.cake now! Not the same but a kind of revenge!

[@fytrndm]

Dang, that's inconsiderate of your mum... I'm allergic to pineapple top lol... I hope you've gotten all the ice cream cakes since.

[@user-fg4tn8ot6b]

That's just evil. ರ⁠╭⁠╮⁠ರ

[@WatsonAndDaughter]

@@carolroberts4614 I do! I get myself my favorite Baskin Robbins ice cream cake every year. It's the best! And, I get to have it all to myself lol

[@WatsonAndDaughter]

@@user-fg4tn8ot6b She was. Certainly something. Funny thing was, *her* favorite cake was pineapple upside down cake.

[@general_enslaver_of_cactii867]

Yeahhhh, I had a similar situation with a roomate: her boyfriend started sleeping over more and more, until he lived in full time, rent and utilities free and she struggled to understand why it bothered me - the last straw was when he pulled me aside and tried to scold me over house chores when he literally contributed nothing. :,) It's a very frustrating situation, I sympathise with OP.

[@Regrettable-Username]

Story 4: NTA. One thing that I haven't seen brought up about this is the fact that the ticket was probably a gift. He paid for it to celebrate with her, she didn't agree to pay for anything, it was a gift. But after he hurt her and she didn't want to go anymore he decides to charge her for the ticket?? Plus it's not "just a cake" and the fact that he thinks it is speaks to deeper problems in that relationship. Personally I'd break up, block him on everything and then buy that cake for myself.

[@Ax-xo4ux]

That last story- the ESH pissed me off. I have very similar issues to OP cause my older sister would get pretty much everything the wanted and I would have to beg and save. She stole food from me, my cake had to be something she also liked, out birthdays are 6 months apart almost to the day so she always got a “half birthday” on my birthday and I didn’t in hers etc etc. It’s caused HUGE mental problems- I’m still working through iit even though our relationship is ok now. NTA op, this wasn’t just about the cake iit was about the bf who didn’t care enough to do the thing his gf had been telling him for MONTHS

[@annabethsmith-kingsley2079]

whoever said that "it's just a cake" is absolutely insane! it was the only thing she wanted and that was the only thing he didn't get?! nope. that's breakup time.

[@miminana-hd6nf]

what the hell are the YTA and ESH comments on the birthday cake story? OP is NTA. She was explicit what she wanted, all she wanted was the cake. His lack of acknowledging that shows that he does not respect her, or her wishes. That was a total control move, pure and simple. I told him husband, years ago, that if he could not get me what I asked for, if I asked for something specific, to not get me anything. Also, my whole family knows what I like for cake/candy and would never get me something they know I would not want. It is common courtesy. For the person who said for the boyfriend to dump her, yeah has to be one of his friends. Boyfriend sucks, OP needs to dump his ass and move on. It is NOT "just a cake".

[@mateuszlewinski7774]

Story1: New level of professional victim, being uncomfortable by someone's apparel.

[@pinklemonade8320]

Story 4: My answer is a big INFO. The crucial information is: Did she want comedy tickets? Does she like going to comedy shows in general? If the bf got her expensive tickets to a comedian she likes, and he didn't have the budget to splurge on the fancy cake too, then she's obviously a gaping AH. However, I think this is unlikely since she said the kindle was kind of an irrelevant gift. If this is indeed not the case, my next question is: why would the bf spend all this money on totally random gifts? The fact that he got her two expensive gifts and a cake tells me that he DID want to put effort/money into getting OP a nice gift, yet he didn't do the one obvious thing she actually wanted. Was he just buying her gifts he himself would like/use? If so, OP is NTA. I think holding back tears and telling him to just go home is sort of an overreaction but it's understandable that it brought up some trauma. I think if I were her I would just ask the boyfriend why he wasted his money on random shit. My mom is a narcissist and whenever there was a gift-giving occasion she would always get me clothes in her style, which I really don't like. If I admitted that I didn't like it, she would yell at me, so I learned to just feign gratefulness. Just when I was starting to think that maybe she really didn't know any better, one year she "gifted" me this hideous sweater and straightup said "I know you won't like this, but you should". And yes, she would just wear the clothes herself since I wouldn't wear them. So I get where OP is coming from. I would be really wary if I felt my partner was exhibiting this kind of behaviour.

[@crowbuncle5986]

lmao love that one comment from story 4 blaming her for making him defensive. its not her responsibility to control his emotions when he messes up and hurts her on her birthday

[@lorrainemontagnon1537]

Awe my afternoon delight. Luvs ya Mark. Don't get nervous , lol, I'm 68. Have a great one!❤

[@coreymartin6486]

Story 1....that relationship is doomed. A party person and non party person is not a good match. Not once in my 40 years have I ever heard it working out woth such a pairing.

[@luke_at_my_art]

The ESH/YTA pissed me off last story Op isnt mad about the cake, shes mad because someone who is supoosed to love and cherished her didnt give a crap about the ONE THING SHE CLEARLY ASKED Heck, it doenst have to be trauma related And for one of the comments taht said "not getting what you want while everyone else did isnt traumatuc" WHO ARE YOU TO TELL SOMEONE WHAT IS OR ISN'T TRAUMATIZING. It could of been manifested to neglect because neglect is abysive and it sounds like OP was neglected but i could be reaching. She just wanted to be heard ffs, guess thats too much to ask nowadays/s

[@SirFailsalot91]

4) NTA: Nothing hurts more than being extremely specific about something and your loved one blatantly ignoring you, so I can't blame OP for being upset that BF didn't listen and did everything else besides the one specific thing she asked; it wasn't like he actually tried getting the pineapple upside down cake like "I went to buy some, but they had run out, so I had to settle for something else," BF completely disregarded OP's request for a specific cake as if the one thing she really wanted didn't matter - and since "only one ticket went to waste," he actually went to the comedy show by himself, that's proof enough that he didn't take her feelings into account about anything.

[@Frankenstein669]

The last story reminds me of the jewelry conflict where someone in their relationship wears a specific color like Silver. Everyday 365 days of the year they wear silver, but somehow the partner doesn’t pick up on this detail and gets them a different one like gold. It’s a simple detail that is shown everyday, but even that isn’t picked up on or in some cases discussed. I keep a plethora of things in mind for gifts for my partner, but if they explicitly tell me that they want something for their birthday and it’s reasonable, I’m gonna do it. (By reasonable I mean something I can’t afford or told last minute when it needs reserved/ordered/etc.)

[@intetx]

Story 4: I'm scatterbrained and it's possible to forget ordering a cake early enough. What I would have done is order for a later date and apologize in addition to another gift.

[@urdarkruler2223]

It's not about the cake, it's about loving your partner and making an effort to pay attention to their wants and needs. Op just wanted a nice cake for their birthday, that was all they really wanted and cared about. They had brought it up repeatedly, only to be let down by the person who is supposed to want to make them happy. Op communicated their desires and was not heard, and a birthday present is a gift, not a pricetag. I'm sure if Op's partner had gotten the one thing right and not even bothered with a separate gift Op would have been happy. This is definately something to talk about with your partner, and if they double down, honestly Op might need to consider if the relationship is worth all the effort. Next they are going to find that their partner simply doesn't care enough to learn about Op, not even know their favorite color even. What is the point of having a partner that doesn't bother to know you.

[@LmaoMoni]

God I love it when people get along

[@smashingmolko]

Story 1: Yeah, jealous. A bit petty too for trying to plant a seed in her mates head. Sounds like he's seen it before and was annoyed with OP, not the girlfriend. She doesn't have to be sorry, OP needs to grow up. Like, that's a very visceral reaction to a couple flirting in their own home. Edit to add - My partner and I also had things that friends of ours knew were 'relationship no's' like he didn't want kids, I was never touchy feely (to name a couple of things) and those things just shifted naturally. Bet our ex's would be annoyed by how different our relationship is too. Feels like there's an element of 'Why didn't our relationship look like this? I know him better?' Let it go and be his mate or don't be.

[@momof6innj873]

The last story OP was not the AH. Her boyfriend did everything that she didn't want him to do. She didn't ask to go to a comedy show, she also said she didn't need a gift...the only thing she really wanted was THAT cake and he overruled what she wanted in order to do what HE wanted for her birthday. My husband used to do that to me...he would buy me flowers on holidays even when I asked him not to get them for me. To me it was a waste of money. $115 on something that would die in a week. I asked him for plants instead, I even gave him a list of cat safe plants that I wanted and then eventually he would get me nothing because he couldn't get me what he want to get me. OP dump the AH boyfriend and buy yourself the cake...never put your happiness in the hands of someone that doesn't value your feelings.

[@veezopolis]

If she owes you five months of utilities AND shes bringing a boy over EVERY NIGHT, kick her out.

[@skullphantom705]

Dude in the last story really bought the cheapest last minute cake despite his gf asking several times for something else. I mean, maybe it would have been a yta if the op hadn't explained her past or how she kept on reminding him about it, but I'd still be bugged by the fact that he simply got her the last minute cheap cake. Plus, I feel like she has vented to him about the childhood issue, and if you actually give a crap about your partner, you actually keep in mind that certain things hurt them, and thus you avoid them like the damn plague. OP is NTA in that one, she needs a replacement cake and bf.

[@krafka]

Frist story: YTA - OP's entire post SCREAMS pick-me girl. You don't have to want to date someone to be jealous and definitely don't to be a pick-me.

[@a.munroe]

S1: I'd probably have started some shit. Then and there. I've had people say this stuff about my extroverted partners bc they're annoyed by how they exist. I couldn't stand for that especially since OP has seemed like caretaker of the group.