I Was A Bully And Realized My Mistake After Life Gave Me A Reality Check, So I Contacted My Victi...

[@Mario-SunshineGalaxy64]

Yeah, OP made the situation worse but it also gave Ryan the kick in the ass he needed to handle his shit, it’s pathetic that he let the bullying fester this long. Funny how he’s out here threatening divorce to the love of his life but becomes a quiet little church mouse to people that shouldn’t matter.

[@skintgirafde320]

OP “If you need to take out some of that anger, I’ll let you” Jake “If you insist!” 👊💥

[@Innerpandora]

BAM

[@RandomTrinidadian]

Story 2: when are people gonna realize the saying "Sorry" doesnt automatically erase the past, nor does it mean they are entitled to forgiveness? OP basically made this dude life hell fir laughs and giggles. Yet he shocked his fomer victim knocked the snot out of him. That alone tells me OP has not changed at all.

[@Polygonyall]

i mean tbf op was like "yea thats fair" i think hes progressed a lot

[@MdMzzz]

@@Polygonyall He hasn't, he wanted attention from that guy. Why TF does OP think he is entitled to a relationship with his victim ? There's no reason to go pester him again. The only person to benefit is OP, because he has no friends left. And, in his infinite wisdom, he thought that saying sorry to his victim would make them want to be friends or something. OP is just as bad as he was before, he just changed tactics.

[@RandomTrinidadian]

​@@Polygonyall he only reached out to.make himself feel better. When jake didnt reply the first time, rather that takethe hint, OP messaged him again.

[@jamesplayzreviews]

Nah, he did change sure he was shocked but he has changed

[@Mario-SunshineGalaxy64]

He did change. He wasn’t shocked that he got punched, he was surprised because that’s what getting suckerpunched in the face does to someone.

[@morganleanderblake678]

Wife was uber out of line and clearly has never been bullied or she would have known what was coming. That being said, continuing to take it on the chin for months and becoming a miserable sack of crap to your partner because you won't handle your crap is not good either.

[@OTDinosaurScrubs]

Agreed, this is an ESH situation

[@CMDR_Squishface]

Yep. I've been in her position. You end up doing it to try and do SOMETHING since the other person refuses to. We end up watching them deteriorate physically and mentally and are supposed to just smile and nod. At some point, you do have to intervene because it gets easy to see losing them, the alternative of letting it happen isn't acceptable. Not every choice we make in a relationship is the correct one, but we do it because we're protecting them from themselves at that point

[@juliearmfield2634]

You can't fight every fight for your so.

[@SnowyWolborg]

This is a perfect example of how good intentions can really go the other way when you don't think before you act.

[@MatildeVallespinCasas]

Bullying in work or school is illegal and I wonder why he would like to work in such a place. I have been bullied before and the first thing my parents did is to request a transfer from school. Why should I have to put up with that, not to inconvenience lazy teachers?

[@janwojciechowski7227]

Story 1: he wouldn't go to HR, he wouldn't go to upper management, he wouldn't leave his job, he wouldn't go to counseling or do anything to help himself. I totally understamd why his wife wanted to protect him, he loved him so she wanted to help. If you don't want to stund up for yourself than someone else should.

[@princessmarlena1359]

He could have documented everything, recorded all interactions, and filed a lawsuit against the company for “hostile workplace environment”.

[@Arkryal]

HR is a dead-end. They exist to protect the company, not the employee. When it's known his peers don't respect him, he will NOT be promoted. You don't install a leader who will be opposed by the people they are meant to lead, or put them in charge of anyone if there are others who would undermine any authority given to them. This is basic management 101 stuff. We call those employees "The Walking Dead", because their careers are dead, they're just not fired (yet). But there is no hope for promotion or advancement after that. It's a rookie move to file a complaint unless the infraction is severe enough, and well-documented enough to consider litigation. We don't know if he had a plan to address this or not. But many would knuckle-under in the short-term while trying to build out their resume. In my industry, you have a much better chance of being hired if you have at least 5-7 years in at ONE company (we get lots of career-hoppers who only stick around for a year or so, and that's not ideal). If his industry is anything like that, he could have been waiting it out to improve his odds of an upward move with another company entirely. This is not fast-food and retail type employment, the rules are different, and vary by industry in substantial ways. As such, generalized advice is meaningless. Since we have no insight into his actual career or industry, he's the only one who knows what the best move is. And he could be mistaken, but the guy working in the industry likely has better insights into that than someone who only hears about it second-hand. That includes you, me, and his wife. We need to at least admit that we don't know all the relevant factors here.

[@Ando1428]

​@@Arkryal yeah hr isn't a good idea. There are things he could do. His boss and coworkers are trash. He could detail and report.

[@sirblack1619]

Clearly, you've never had to deal with HR. They are there to protect the company, not the employees. It was her thinking "she's knows best" which females are good for doing.

[@CarlosBristol1663]

Story 1: Honestly, op hasn't realized it yet, but a big part of the reason she was able to overstep that far is because, deep down, her respect for her husband as a fully functional human being has dwindled significantly. She overstepped cause she is tired of all the complaints and him not doing squat to fix his situation. In my experience the moment respect starts dwindling, so does the foundation of love and trust and unless that is addressed, things will continue to deteriorate. Once respect is gone, unless the spouse has good morals then we get reddit stories of many affairs.

[@Arkryal]

That's an interesting take on this. I hadn't considered that. There may be some truth to it. Nobody wants a partner who comes home every day to vent their frustrations on you. He should be able to confide in his wife on occasion, but when it's the same nonsense day after day, he needs to act to change things, not just for his own sake but for his relationship as well. I'll agree with that. But OP is absolutely delusional, lol. "I know what will straighten these bullies out, I'll approach them in a group and appeal to their collective sense of empathy"... Exactly how much did she have to drink at this party? His career is over. I don't think she understands that. He does, but might be in denial about it. He's now a potential liability. It has NOTHING to do with "right and wrong", as much as OP wishes otherwise. I have 8 employees bullying one. I can fire all 8 of them, and let work grind to a halt while we interview new people, train them, and hope this new group is better than the people they replace, OR I can fire the victim, and then they have nobody to gang up on. That guy doesn't fight back, so he will be easy to replace. They're going to sit on this for a couple of months, wait for him to make some negligence mistake that otherwise wouldn't be a big deal at all, then use that as an excuse to fire him. They're just waiting out the clock now so it doesn't look like retaliation, and building a case for cause. But his career is basically over now. Even if they don't fire him, he will NOT be promoted. It's now on the record that his coworkers do not respect him, and actually intimidate him (whether that is true or not is irrelevant, that is how it is seen). So they can't put him in a position of authority over any of these people now. Being fired is actually the better outcome, as in this scenario, his career stagnates until he's useless not just to this employer but any who would hire him at the same level. He'll toil away for years with no progression at all in his career. I don't think OP has ever actually worked in a real job. She seems oblivious to all of this. She's one of those fools who thinks that HR is there for the employee's benefit, lol. Way to drink the fucking Kool-Aid, lol. More than all of that, she decided she's not his partner anymore. She's acting like his mother. Guess what? Guys aren't attracted to their Mothers, lol. OP is naive. She did mean well, but she's a hapless idealist who has never lived in the "real world". She actively went against his wishes, and behind his back to do the explicit thing he told her not to do. She decided for him. If I were in her husband's place, I think I could forgive her eventually, but only if she actually understood what she did wrong, and stopped trying to justify her actions. She's starting to get it, but just can't help herself when it comes to irrelevant justifications. What she needs to do is prepare for the very likely possibility that she will be the sole breadwinner in the immediate future. She needs to be ready to compensate for his lost income, likely for a few months. I hope she's in a position to do that. I can also promise he will not be introducing her to any other coworkers again. He's not going to open up about his time at work again. That door is now closed, locked, the key is gone. He may not even want that, he seems to have found talking to his wife about this stuff cathartic, but there's no denying he needs to separate his work and home life going forward. He'll need to find someone else to confide in about those things.

[@thousandyardgavri2785]

honestly, the wife was wrong but she had the best intentions... The man has no backbone and needs help.

[@RobDaCajun]

Hence, why his wife stepped in and made it worse. I bet she has the final word in their home. Therefore couldn’t understand he had a decent idea how to handle things. I say decent because he should have already been formulating an exit strategy. Now, she’s forced him to do it.

[@wednesdayschildfullofwoe]

​@@RobDaCajun Should have but he obviously didn't! How long have u been married?

[@endermenon4836]

S2: Dude watched Billy Madison and thought he could achieve a similar result

[@YuliiaSt666]

Story1: "now his co-workers mock him openly about not being able to stand up for himself without me swooping in". And that's where they're actually right for once🗿 How longer OP's husband would stay spineless if not for this wake up call? "Talk to him first?" Why, so he could say "No, don't" and continue heroically suffering through without taking any action, till he's unhappy, bitter and needs years of therapy, because he's scared of standing up for himself? Don't complain then! Bullying at work really is horrible and makes perfectly good people question their sanity, but that's exactly why you either need to fight back or change the place for your own mental health. Not DO NOTHING. While it usually is considered overstepping, husband did need SOME kind of wake-up call

[@clay5291]

Dude is a massive pushover over his work. 100% should’ve talked to a lawyer about the issues at work if HR won’t stop it. Also if it’s just coworkers bullshitting around with him and he is taking it too deep then that is on him.

[@roaringdream]

Bullying is the same in any stage of life. Unless the person involved stands up for themselves then the perpetrators will gonharder

[@vikaastrakh2828]

While I believe that woman overstepped, I remember a story about a husband who stood up to his wife's ex boyfriend and his family at a family event, making his wife feeling uncomfortable, was labeled a 'hero' and a 'real one' and wife was 'ungrateful'

[@goodnightmyprince6734]

My bully became obese and a smoker. Never felt so much better

[@adjwindu70]

S1: the man is a doormat at his job. This marraige may have been on the way out since he his job stress will is being taken out on his wife. That would likely had drained his wife.

[@adjwindu70]

The fact he was not looking for another job or going to HR long ago is an issue.

[@LovelyCinccino]

Second Story: Ever heard what Herb said to Bojack in Bojack Horseman when the horse tries to apologize? It actually fits a lot of scenarios like this one. Jake had a hellish high school life, there’s no way of changing that. And Jake doesn’t have to be OP’s prop just so OP can feel better about himself.

[@lozzipop4025]

I think OP in story 1 should give him the space he craves and go stay with her parents or something, if for no other reason then to give herself space from her husband. It's clear that he's taking his frustration from the bullying at work out on her. Maybe she overstepped by speaking to his manager, but what else was she supposed to do, continue listening to her husband complain about what was going on at work and not doing anything to help himself. Him instantly jumping to "I want a divorce" because he feels embarrassed is wild. It feels like he's now bordering on being a bully himself now by holding their marriage over her head.

[@mriddley]

Story 1: that husband is pathetic he can speak up when his wife (who did overstep) tries to help him but when he gets messed with constantly at work where he spends most of his time he is quiet as a church mouse he needs to take that base hes got in his voice for his wife and use it at work honestly i hope he does leave op can do better than this spineless coward

[@kiko485]

💯💯💯💯

[@thatoneguy9816]

Mf the road to hell is paved with good intentions. She didn’t help. And as for speaking up you better be the mf who treats family and strangers the same if they wrong you the same way.

[@Emmanuel-ws3qo]

1st story: BTA(barely the a-hole), it wasn't best to talk about it secretly against his wishes, but he could've spent less time pestering you about how bad his work life was. And more time taking the actions he's finally taken after the situation got worse.

[@sirblack1619]

Story 1 - This story is why I don't share a lot of what I'm feeling with anyone outside of my therapist. Also, men, we don't have the luxury of being able to confide in hardly anyone, especially with females. The moment that we express our "feelings" we are looked at as being weak. I fix my problems and do it without much help. That's unfortunately how men have to be because no one really cares.

[@CapnAkira]

The people trying to cover for the wife in the first post are insane. I've dated multiple women who have gone off about how much they hate their jobs. I'd would have been an absolute idiot and immediately dumped if I had gone behind her back like that.

[@jamesplayzreviews]

Story 1: OP sounds like my kind of partner.

[@princessmarlena1359]

Story 1: What a wuss. If he can’t grow a pair and fight back or at least quit, then he has no right to be upset when someone fights for him. By “fight back”, I’m not saying he should let his fists do the talking, this isn’t the good/bad old days, I meant gather evidence and document everything in order to prepare a lawsuit against the company, the boss, and the coworkers. Should the wife had fought his battles for him? Probably not, but she should have pushed him to do something about it or else she won’t listen to him anymore if he won’t stand up for himself. Story 2: Honestly, if a person wants to right the wrongs of their past and grow as a person because of this, that’s fine. Admirable, in fact. But OP should not have tried to push for a relationship with Jake. As it is, he couldn’t just leave Jake alone after the first apology, his pity party of a second message to him, and the fact he seems to only feel “remorseful” because his life is bad, seemed that OP just wanted to feel validated rather than take responsibility. Story 3: Disgusting, both the mom and golden child brother. OP should have sued them for defamation after they had reported him to his doctor.

[@Rando1481]

Op from story 2 only cares cause his life is shit not because he is sorry

[@andreavanhoof6047]

Story 3: Keep going no contact with your mother and brother! What the brother did is unforgiveable!

[@heyyitsjanea]

i don’t think that first comment on the second story listened to it. only thing they were right about was leave the guy alone

[@goodnightmyprince6734]

Op in post two is full of himself

[@sonnysama16]

S1: The guy is being a baby. While it's true, she did overstep, it's absolutely no reason to divorce someone or get pissy just because you have no spine. I'd rather have a partner who would stand up for me and suffer possible consequences than have a partner who sits there and does nothing.

[@diligentone-six2688]

The proper word is: "Being a Little Bitch"

[@gtc9966]

‘Possible’ consequences? He told her what the consequences would be. She chose to ignore that because ‘she-knows-better’ He has to spend 40 hours a week with these people…they’re now going to be even more miserable than they were before.

[@Vipre-]

@@gtc9966 Maybe he should grow a pair then and deal with it rather than crying every night. She's certainly more a man than he is at the moment.

[@lnsflare1]

He was being pathetic, but she was being insanely stupid and entitled. He was whining that he was chilly without doing anything about it, and she basically told everyone to start pelting him with snowballs. There's a reason that they say that the Road to Hell is paved with good intentions.

[@pablosanz2163]

Arent laws angainst this kind of bulling in the workplace ? I supose they are in the USA

[@johnangel8361]

Brotha man. You forgot to mark the second story (12:46)

[@SecretVoices25]

Sorry 😅

[@ArihoJoel-e6i]

Thx brotha man😊

[@Afghanisstan]

S1: I know it sucks but if your husband wants to be a loser. That's on him at the end. Adding fuel to the fire didn't help unfortunately

[@asherdales]

Story 2: OP should have taken the silence as the response. And while yea he's partially making the apology for himself the way he's telling it he does seem genuinely remorseful.

[@raeishimura]

OP 2 seems like he watched My Name is Earl and Billy Madison. Those are nice stories on tv, where the former bully straightens up and makes everything right and the victims accept and everything ends happy. Thing is, that's not how reality works. Nobody is owed forgiveness. So don't expect him to ever let down his guard around you.

[@shanikabeasley5637]

Husband is being a baby who's willingly being bullied and wants to come home and cry to me when he refuses to do anything about it

[@RobinSiwula-w4h]

Story 1 op had a right to defend her spineless husband st work

[@valeriecomplex9685]

She should leave her husband because he’s a coward

[@sirblack1619]

Of course, a female would say that when the female in the equation is dead wrong, other females come along and make excuses! I'm sure that you're single.

[@princessrainbowpeach3937]

Agreed he a walking doormat

[@mashonem]

S1: if op had actually fixed her husband’s problems by going behind his back, she would have a bit more of a leg to stand on in regards to saying “I wanted to help my partner”. But she didn’t. Not only did she *not* make things better, she literally made her husband’s suffering worse.

[@SnowyWolborg]

I think I misplace my sympathy. Might take a little while to find it.

[@roberthickman2907]

I hate to say this however the doctor can at least lose 25,000 euros even if they don't lose their license they can lose 25,000 euros.

[@hisnameiskilljoy]

The way you build and play Minecraft pisses me off beyond words.

[@goodnightmyprince6734]

She was just trying helpnin post one

[@heyyitsjanea]

she realize that he’s her husband and not her child right?? like the man should be able to come to you without worrying about you going to his job to complain my goodness

[@blueorangeade712]

He should stop being coward pushover

[@markanthony1004]

S1: Strong wife coward husband

[@classicrockkid345]

Story 1: Any one of yall actually being on the wife's side are either stupid, or you've never actually experienced bullying. No matter what age you are, having someone ELSE tell the bullies off, NEVER goes good, you know what it does? Give bullies even more ammunition. The husband isn't pathetic, he's being beaten down so hard that he has no confidence, which is what bullies do.

[@mordecai2251]

So what would expect her to do stay silent and watch her husband get bullied on a daily basis till he can’t take it anymore?? I get she’s in the wrong for not telling him before making a decision but she still had good intentions and the way things were going he wasn’t planning to do anything about it anytime soon just because she hasn’t experienced bullying first hand as you said doesn’t mean she can’t stand up for her loved ones

[@ilefthemfree2jizz]

Is agree if it was a 13 year old and not an adult. It's been months, I can aee why wife was tired of him doing jack shit but bitching

[@goodnightmyprince6734]

I've experienced bully; hubby is a wuss

[@FrostLordOni]

Story 2: You all need serious therapy. I’m sorry you guys were bullied in HS, but OP is not your bully. The OP is growing as a person and trying to become a better person, and yet you guys in the comments are stuck on his past. He grew and realized what a bad person he used to be, this is a good thing. He’s even trying to make amends for what he did in the past, he’s taking responsibility for his actions. Yes the kid he bullied does not owe him forgiveness, he has to know some things once broken can never be fixed, but trying to become a better person is admirable

[@Kyogrerok]

Okay bully

[@FrostLordOni]

@ Not a bully, just not stuck in HS. Hopefully you can move on from those 4 years someday

[@Afghanisstan]

I hate bullies as much as the next guy. But I agree, not only that, Jake is the one who makes the calls not the commenters and looks like OP and Jake are trying to reconcile.

[@vintagetriplex3728]

Story 1 this is a reminder that you can't confide in your wife. Keep your feelings and stresses to yourself. Women are not to be trusted.

[@goodnightmyprince6734]

So edgy incel

[@juliearmfield2634]

Story 1. Yta. She showed him she did not respect him as a man. She acted like his mommy and absolutely humiliated him in front of his boss and coworkers. I don't blame him.

[@goodnightmyprince6734]

Not really she's just trying to he

[@ИвнСергеевич]

That's why men must not open about struggles. U show u weak and not reliable+this situation can happen. If u cant fix situation at work than keep silence. Just say "bad day at work i will handle this" and kiss ur wife.