I Was Dumped By A Friend Part 1

[@kathykochersperger6848]

When you're the only one calling to keep in touch, I now take that as a sign that a person isn't interested any more.

[@laurahillauthor]

Good advice

[@annberlin5811]

I had a friend do that but we got together she always got super excited like manic.

[@crocadoodle7101]

I decided 3 years ago to stop calling my 2 long term friends as I realized it was always me calling them. During Covid I always thanked them for our phone chats as it was somewhat isolating. I used to arrange various fun outings like going to concerts, movies, live theatre etc. which they seemed to enjoy. Neither one of the 2 of them have phoned me in 3 years since I stopped calling them. I will get a text message about every 4 or 5 months reminding me of somebodies birthday dinner I can attend and that is it. What seemed to me to be close friendships, wasn’t at all. I’m over it now, but I had to go through some painful realizations to get to where I am now.

[@Betty77168]

I think that there are some people who are oblivious to what keeping a friendship alive really entails. I think that once we hit our thirties (in the UK at least) and we have settled down and we are no longer sharing a house with other friends or flatmates / housemates, and we're no longer going out as much, I think that the boyfriend / girlfriend / spouse takes precedence. All of their time is devoted to their partner, especially if they're with someone who has the same interests as them so they're doing everything together. They don't therefore need a friend really, they might have sisters who they still see and they can confide in these people but the social set up becomes less important and therefore it falls away. Of course, if you also end up living quite far away from that friend then it's even easier to let these relationships slip away. But then, occasionally, these people will miss having a close bond with another female (or male if male) friend, someone of the same sex basically. So they will try and make friends and quite often will fail - and I think the reason could be that they have lost that ability to be a dependable and reliable friend as they haven't had that for so long. So then they end up always wondering why they don't have friends. I think women who are single tend to maintain friendships better as they know how valuable they are, they don't have a partner who they see every day, they know what loneliness can feel like, so they invest much more in to their friendships.

[@jazzyflorida3757]

Same with some family members that never call. I’ve recently stopped calling family that it was always me calling one way check ins.

[@DuvAngel1]

Some people are predators who take advantage of good hearted people.

[@jeanineskitchen2607]

I met several of them,but you can't let them change you,simply stay true to yourself and away from them,thats what I do. Im still big heart to those i feel give it back,i help and share with people who are kind and generous with me,and I found many times its people you dont think will be the ones to help you but they pop out of nowhere to offer you help. so live and learn and dont let others fake personalities fool you. as you get older your fake people radar gets stronger, I know mine did,lol. have a great day!☺

[@ScottsdaleSushi]

@@jeanineskitchen2607 I have never shed a tear over a 'friend'. I am definitely an introvert - & do not need friends to be OK. I did have to 'divorce' one about 10 years ago. I got sick of being her sounding board & the person she dumped all her problems on. Yuk...so draining!

[@ScottsdaleSushi]

Oh - & I am what you call an Outgoing Introvert. Very friendly - not uncomfortable meeting new people - I was in a sales position for my career. Am I 'hard hearted"?? I am not sure - I just think most female friendships are very superficial. It seemed like things never really improved from Jr. High onward.....

[@martinmabry5460]

Has happened more often than not.

[@jeanineskitchen2607]

@@martinmabry5460 yep sad but true

[@laurawhitaker1797]

I dumped two “friends” during COVID because they were both snarky backstabbers. Being in isolation gifted me the time and space to reconsider the value of relationships. They were my only two friends who lived in proximity to me, so letting them go was a hard decision, but, as it turns out, a good one. Better to have your self-esteem than tolerate poor behavior just to have someone to talk with. I haven’t made any friends since, and likely never will. At almost 70 and single, I’m my own best friend and am comfortable with being alone the rest of my life. People generally suck.

[@laurahillauthor]

Thanks for sharing! Covid ended a lot of friendships or showed us who people really were

[@gradetrend8138]

I had a very similar experience! I'm happy they are out of my life

[@Propfaqs]

You can still join groups and attend events to be social … but I agree, most friendships are based upon getting something. And when you are not willing to give, ‘friends’ disengage. Your friendship, unbeknown to you, had specific parameters.

[@Catsmeow90]

I am 72yr old lady living In the UK . I would be happy to be your virtual friend. We all need a friend wherever it is in this crazy world.

[@avamartinez8586]

@@Catsmeow90 It’s a deal.

[@craftyone5419]

I worked with a lady many years ago at a hospital. When she began working there, I knew I wanted to be her friend, we just connected, even though she was much older. I picked her and we went to eat, to craft fairs, etc. When she moved out of state, it was hard to adjust. She said I was the only one at work that kept in touch with her. Then, one day I called, her sister answered and she she would return my call. She never did. I called to see what was wrong, and she didn't even have the decency to tell me what was wrong. I'm kinda done with best friends.

[@laurahillauthor]

Sorry that happened. I’d rather just have someone tell me why but a lot of people are chicken💔

[@Crystal-kl6dv]

When you’re a good person with a pure heart, it’s always the other persons lost.

[@louellarobertson8074]

ABSOLUTELY👌🏾

[@sunshine-bs2jx]

Yes

[@Harleyanne774]

Yep

[@kristinburton4953]

It feels great when they call after 4 years with a problem or bragging to tell and you, but you have built up the mental strength to not let yourself get pulled in again for round two and just let that phone ring out, then just stare at that missed number for 20 seconds and smile to yourself.😆

[@ScottsdaleSushi]

@@kristinburton4953 I have done that too.....

[@Belevaqua]

You can tell when an old friend isn’t interested anymore. I’m not begging to stay in touch. Like Louise says, “ Let them go and love yourself!”❤😊

[@laurahillauthor]

Absolutely agree!!

[@mikewebber2637]

Her name is Laura.

[@thatswhatisaid8908]

Yes, you can. But when it's a truly OLD friend, you can't help but wonder why.

[@shirleystiles5838]

True !😊😊😊

[@avamartinez8586]

@@thatswhatisaid8908 You’re right. When it’s someone you were friends with for years to do this is more devastating, & you can’t help but wonder why.

[@PCAGA2298]

I am 60 years old and severely chronically ill. My friends all disappeared in the first 2 years of my illness. Ghosted 👻

[@marleebaya]

Gosh I’m sorry to hear. All the best to you.🧡

[@ruthjohnson1135]

Husband has pancreatic cancer ...Wow my eyes have been open who is there and who isn't...

[@laurahillauthor]

Illness wreaks havoc with our bodies and our minds. I hope you can find other outlets to meet interesting people

[@lorihoop3831]

54 and have had a lot of serious health issues. You become too much for most. I understand that and will not beg people to talk or hang out with and would rather be alone than with people who make you feel alone

[@jenniferward6909]

I have seen this happen with a fair number of cancer patients. It breaks my heart, and I don’t understand it, because a lot of cancer patients don’t even want to talk about their illness…they just want to be in the moment with you. If anything, those suffering illness can help us all learn to live in the present.

[@TraciSeibert]

At age 62, ive learned. Dont put your stock in people

[@laurahillauthor]

Well I do have to agree that many people make it so darn hard! thanks

[@randyrice1429]

I love my dog and can always count on him to love me.

[@Naturefan354]

​@@randyrice1429YES! My dogs, my kids and my husband are the only friends I have and the only friends I need.

[@sma3037]

Sad, but true. Learned that in my 30s fortunately

[@kellyschutte4187]

@@Naturefan354so true! Me too!

[@janeventrella1419]

My mom said friends will come and go in life, even the ones whom you’d never think would leave. This is at a whole other level.

[@itzzbarb]

At 73, I can say that through the years, people come and go, for different reasons. Several years ago my best friend of over 25 years, passed away quite suddenly. She and I were so much alike, we would walk into a department store and grab the same blouse or blazer. We were just like that. We ordered the same foods, and had many thoughts that were identical. We were amazing together and could accomplish a great deal, like throwing a wonderful party. We had many great times together. Loosing her left me feeling lost and sad. I knew there would never be another friend like her. And I did not look for one because she and I were so unique and there would never be another Joyce. She was married, I had been and as married couples we were friends then too. We took care of each other when surgeries rolled around. I would take my dogs and go stay at her house until I was no longer needed to help. Or if it was me with health issues, she and her husband would take me and my dog home with them and take care of me until I could go home alone. Alone......neither of us had children. Anyway, I am quite happy to have only a few friends I may see or talk to once a year. That is OK with me. I don't have the energy for friends now. My dog and I have a good life.

[@avroe1]

You are lucky to have memories of a friendship like that. It’s so rare!

[@laurahillauthor]

I’m sorry you lost your friend Joyce, what a gift she was and you to her

[@joannedibben2352]

I loved reading your story about you and your best friend what wonderfull times you had lovley memory's for sure my best friend pass suddenly took they are not replaceable and yes a dog's company is just great I agree🌈

[@susanbrochin]

My gosh, I thought it was only me. I had a friend from high school that I had known for 50 years. I had moved to the West Coast and we reconnected at our 25th reunion so 25 more years. We were pretty close and suddenly I got an email that said I don’t wanna be friends anymore because you don’t ever ask me about my children. I don’t even know her children’s namesanyway she ended it and I’m very glad that that happened because I found out her true colors.

[@raspberrykissable]

I just dumped a “best friend “. We met in middle school and now we’re in our 30s. I helped her with everything I could including pick up her son from school. We were inseparable. Come to find out she was constantly talking behind my back and spreading lies. I didn’t say anything I just slowly made my way out and now I have no contact with her. She tries but I have no interest the trust is broken and I’m not putting myself in the position to be hurt again.

[@jacquelinezr]

I’m so sorry for her betrayal. It’s almost impossible to ever trust a friend again after an experience like that.

[@laurahillauthor]

Thanks for sharing!!

[@Nur-ul-12]

You are lucky you can make that decision, I have been betrayed by. A friend so bad it will top all of your’s, but why I gave her a chance to reject me, and why do I sob

[@raspberrykissable]

@@Nur-ul-12 I am so sorry to hear that you’ve been betrayed. You have to find the love for yourself in order to protect yourself from such people. I promise you’re worth the boundary!

[@stickerlady1774]

@@Nur-ul-12what happened

[@SherylSheryl-b3z]

Once you are no longer a "supply" the narcissist moves on to a whole set of new friends, and a new supply!

[@cynthiarouse]

Friendships and relationships sometimes have simply run their course. People grow apart. There are narcopaths and users who target you for a specific purpose. They used you. Don't give them another chance to do that again

[@kristinburton4953]

It's starts at school when a friend doesn't run up to you as normal, but runs up to someone else and it hurts. Friendship and sex seem to just be a commodity and people mask who they are to get it from you for their convenience.

[@debbieray5629]

Had a similar experience from a friend of 30 years. After my husband died, she distanced herself. Her nose was turned after she saw I was strong and independent. And I helped her out on sooooooo many things with her family , horses and her committee at a yacht club. I wrote a book and bought myself a nice ring and then radio silence . Her mother died and she didn’t tell me . That was it……DONE . Wrote her a letter and I moved to Massachusetts from NYS. Totally done

[@elsagrace3893]

I think it would be so freeing and thrilling to be able to just up and move to a new place. I did it in my thirties out of necessity. It was more like scrambling for a place to live rather than choosing a place that I was intrigued by.

[@arribaficationwineho32]

I was dropped by a friend when my husband died and I moved out of the big house. She had me out for dinner at her house and then told me how “busy” she was for the summer so I got the hint.

[@kristinburton4953]

@@arribaficationwineho32 Her husband must have mentioned to her how much he likes you and that you're attractive. There's no other reason why she'd dump you as a widow. Plenty of spouses have left there partner for someone they've secretly admired that's newly available.

[@cherylberk4593]

Toxic Narcissism 101...sorry this happened to you. She just needed new "supply" The discard always comes sometimes accompanied by gaslighting, stonewalling (not calling you back), etc. Thanks for sharing because this kind of behavior is an epdemic today. People like this woman spot empaths right away. You didnt deserve that, nor did the other friend. There are usually red flags but nice people have a hard time spotting them bcs they would never act or think that way.❤️

[@lynnboyd33]

Agree with you 100%!!!

[@ruthestern]

Been there. As others have said, being comfortable with yourself is the way to handle these things. Their loss.

[@santacruz7455]

The woman was indeed "lovebombing" Laura from the beginning. I am from Europe and to get overly excited with new people is not so much in our culture. I can see that Americans are a lot more enthusiastic right from the start. But to tell people that you are sooooo excited and that you love them after 2 1/2 minutes, blablbalaaaa although you dont really know them... is always a red flag in my opinion..

[@laurahillauthor]

It sure is. I have no interest in that kind of adoration anymore

[@nildabridgeman8104]

You learn...

[@dtylice]

I prefer to be alone.

[@candacecheatem6545]

People come into our lives for a reason or a season.

[@lindah7179]

I like that summary!

[@arribaficationwineho32]

“Ghosted” until they need a favor

[@laurahillauthor]

lol 💯

[@arribaficationwineho32]

@@laurahillauthor you will likely hear from her in the future. Hope you are “too busy”

[@laurahillauthor]

Absolutely!

[@kristinburton4953]

Say: "Thanks for inviting me to help you, I'm glad you see me as useful but I'm too busy to accept, I've got guitar practice." Her:"Oh when did you start learning guitar?". "Today, right around when you-contacted-me-o'clock".😅 Especially via text, would be wacky😜

[@ElizabethLovegrove-cm1bb]

The trick is not to cling … enjoy time but enjoy your own time more and make yourself strong enough to let go of a friendship if need be

[@laurahillauthor]

So true!!!

[@FreshGrey-pm4vw]

As a counselor for 20 plus yrs I can tell you that many women struggle with hidden issues they are not good at processing or sharing and they often do this ghosting as a defense mechanism. Its so confusing to others- usually comes with no warning. All I can say is dont ever take it personally. Healthy people who have relatively good boundaries and average sense of self dont do this. Its not you - its them. Yes, sometimes women are mean, controlling, mean spirited. But some dont know how to connect, dont know how to be a friend. When they disappear like this, its a red flag to see something is really off. Dont make the mistake of jumping back in, or it may happen all over again.

[@orianam9835]

I just cut off a friend because I realised she is a massive narcisistic. I just cut it. Did i ghost her? I just ended contact after out holiday together.

[@ashextraordinaire]

Laura, you just made me realize that the "best friend" who dumped me a few years ago actually love-bombed me at the beginning of our years-long friendship. Wow. I've never gotten closure, and you've just helped me to make the realization I needed to let that s*** go!

[@dinahsoar6982]

There's a saying: Friends for a reason; friends for a season; friends for life...I've had all 3.

[@laurahillauthor]

Me too! Love that saying❤️

[@carlasamuels479]

🙄don't forget the frenemies as well.

[@allthingsnu4673]

I'm going to remember this saying. Thanks for sharing it!

[@dinahsoar6982]

@@allthingsnu4673 You're welcome!

[@marciamellow1211]

Desperate...is the key here Never make a move without your self worth.

[@gigilamoore2656]

Love it.

[@laurahillauthor]

so true!

[@wilchil5433]

Trust me im not desperate and still get dropped left snd right by female friends, i think sometimes women just get competitive or maybe im just boring

[@brynne77]

@@wilchil5433I doubt you're boring. I still get dropped by people. I think it's because I don't text on my phone. I prefer phone calls, emails or just visiting in person. My non-texting rule throws a lot of people off, but I don't care. It's one of my boundaries.

[@avamartinez8586]

@@brynne77 I’ve lost many from my non texting rule. I feel insulted when someone only wants to text instead of talk to me. I haven’t got time for it. I tell people to call me on my landline, and they can’t even handle that. They always will call on my cell phone or text me. I just ignore it usually. A real friend would want to talk and get together.

[@autumn-g1n]

I always give people space. We dont possess each other. My two closest friends i sometimes dont speak to for a few months. Getting into a rigid routine of seeing people is not for me. Occasional is best.

[@laurahillauthor]

I tend to be that kind of friend too, when I try something different it rarely works. Guess I'm set in my ways now.

[@brandyk]

I think that is totally fine n truly believe more friendships and relationships would be immensely improved if people could simply develop healthier communication skills. This is especially true if it is not a life long friend that one met in their childhood or early adulthood as you're not growing together and influencing the friendship depth n frequency of contact( Visits,calls,texts etc) Peoples.expectations of the friendship as well as available time can be very different and can of course change. Just be honest about it n don't have a sudden change that leaves someone wondering when a simple text or email can easily explain that some very important things have come up n you will have to be less available but still would like to text or call monthly or bimonthly or whatever you can do. Most people will understand and appreciate your just telling them. I would also not rush into things with adult friendships.and.let things take a slower course to see who the person really is n how good they are in maintaining the friendship over time.. making m keeping plans.etc..Umfortinatlely with new adult friendships especially over 40 there does usually need to be some degree of regular contact and while one can be more of a initiator both have to over time. If there is too many.lapses in contact or get togethers the friendship never really gets off the ground and your always starting from.more of a surface level n small talk type aquaimtamceship but not exactly a friendship and people don't set aside time or money to get together to make small talk..I understand the desire to have other women one does actual activities with like volunteering or the example given, most people still want to have more of.a.commection.i think it's great to prioritize time with grown children and grandchildren and certainly caring for aging parents but one needs to have balance and putting all ones ones eggs in in the family basjet is nit always wise or healthy in the long run. Your kids also want you to have a well rounded life n it's an inspiration for the younger generations who will have less n less family.

[@Kwood10]

Some friends weren’t made to last forever

[@laurahillauthor]

Agree💯

[@isagoldfield7393]

True

[@allthingsnu4673]

Oftentimes, we won't know why someone is in a friendship with us until we are looking at it in a rear-view mirror. I think this is why I'm careful about how much energy I'll put into a friendship.

[@thatswhatisaid8908]

Yes, having lost a friend after 25 years, I don't really trust anyone anymore. It's very sad.

[@laurahillauthor]

Good advice

[@nancystreet6566]

@@thatswhatisaid8908I don’t either lol

[@CherylUrsem]

I’ve found, after analyzing 2 friends I lost suddenly, they both had something in common. They needed a lot of emotional support and I spent a lot of time listening and empathizing with them. Both times, they might have seen that I had other friends and interests. In the end, it wasn’t me. They cut me out because they didn’t like the person I was becoming. I couldn’t devote the time and attention they felt they needed. Narcism isn’t always easy to spot when your a young woman. Today, I can see them coming a mile away and avoid them at all costs. Life is short. Stick with the ones that make you laugh more than cry. Stick with the ones that take the time to listen.

[@laurahillauthor]

Agree💯

[@jeanpatterson4283]

Since the start of that awful lockdown time, i realised i was longing more and more for solitude. I found i simply did not want to share my free time with anyone. All my life i have been there for people despite having an incredibly busy work life. I made it clear to people that i needed solitude and it wasnt anything they had done or said. I just needed a new way of living.

[@oldonetwoable]

Its not always that your friend isn't interested in your friendship anymore. I say this because ive actually been the bad friend that doesn't keep in touch or reach out. Not because i don't care for my friend but im really depressed and talking or spending time with my friend or anyone is just too draining, i have nothing to contribute at this point in my life. I have told my friend that im just not social anymore and that it's nothing personal im like this with everyone for the last few years. She is such a good friend, she still loves me even when I'm the worst friend in the world.

[@laurahillauthor]

That’s a valuable friend

[@CherylUrsem]

But you were honest! You didn’t ghost her. Send an occasional text or card. Sometimes that’s all people want, to be remembered.

[@LJE-B]

It’s funny how when we’re desperate, we seem to attract the wrong people. I can completely relate to this experience. I had something similar happen recently. The problem was with her and her inability to sustain long-term friendships that come with responsibilities and challenges.

[@jaynewags1452]

Classic narcissist behavior. Also known as a “hit and run”! I also learned this the hard way with a long ago boyfriend. It can happen with friends too!

[@laurahillauthor]

Hit and run, so good, I’m stealing that Thanks for commenting

[@Retro_Disco]

I had some so called friends that sure didn't act like friends. I hope to make better choices now.

[@laurahillauthor]

Sometimes we have so much going on that we don’t give friend choices the attention it needs, unfortunately that’s when mistakes happen. I’m with you, Im working on making better choices.

[@mac-ju5ot]

Life goes on Laura. That's been my mother's advice .my mom had seven. Children .. you've no idea how status is t popular when ur busy with seven children .

[@laurahillauthor]

Seven children is a huge job, not much time for anything else. Life does go on but I think we can always strive for something that makes us happy. Thanks for commenting

[@susanlynn5159]

This wasn’t being dumped by a friend, this was an encounter with a disturbed/dysfunctional person. It’s a very hurtful experience and I’m glad that you are able to share this story to hopefully help others who are hurting. I have my own stories but in retrospect I can see where being dumped by a friend group (yeah, what a kick in the teeth), left me open to gaining the best friends of my life as well as to deepen the existing friendships that I had put behind the friend group. I gained so much and I am thankful that they are gone as I couldn’t grow in the right direction with them in my life. I do wish them well, although, honestly, that took quite some time. To all the hurting people reading this I pray that you open yourselves to the possibility of new, real friendship while keeping a hold of lessons learned and using caution. Don’t make yourself pay the price for someone else’s mean, callous behavior. They are living their best lives while you continue to shut people out and live lonely. There’s also a difference between friend and friendly acquaintance. Let us use discernment in where we place people in our lives. I pray that God’s blessings of healing and restoration flow over you and that you turn to Him to fill the hole in your heart.

[@bettyt3471]

I am my own best friend. I enjoy meeting new people but I don't have "best" friends. Over time, they disappoint. I keep my "friends" at arm's length.

[@kakigr3289]

I'm starting to think that is the way to go.

[@TraciSeibert]

Yes, my dad had no close friends, just acquaintances.

[@laurahillauthor]

I prefer small groups with shared interests. I feel like when there are 3 or 4 of us the conversation is always lively. Doing different things with different women that I truly enjoy.

[@andreagardner2335]

Yes. Learned from experience.

[@babygrizwold]

I'm 53 years old now, but back when I was 20 years old, I lost a best friend who was actually the maid of honor at my wedding. We all grew up together she was the girl that everyone wanted to be friends with. Didn't start becoming friends with her till mid High school as in close friends. When I was getting married I asked her to be my maid of honor and after the wedding she would come over to hang put with us and we would go to her home (husband and I ) so I was looking for a job and so is she so we both signed up at this place. They help you find jobs, and if you want to do something specifically, they will find you a job in that field. Anyways I wanted to work somewhere specific, and she just wanted to work anywhere as she needed the money. So a job had come up in the area that I wanted to work in, and since she was my best friend, the worker called her and asked her where I was. So like I said, she wanted a job. So what does she do? She told the worker that I moved down south which is about 6 hours away. I had no idea so when I wasn't hearing from the worker I called and that's what she told me. I then called my friend who I was speaking with probably a day or two before and I asked her if she had said that. She admitted it and she said yes I needed the job. So I told her you stole the job for me then? At that point I was crying and I couldn't believe it. That she would do that to me. She didn't cry she was cold as ice on the phone and I was completely stunned. So she got the job in the field that I wanted and it's a small town so there was only one place. It was a veterinarian Hospital in here she was working there every day doing what I wanted to do and I had to go get a job at a retail store in the same town. I was devastated and I was so hurt. I have to be completely honest and say after that now remember I was 21 years old, I never ever again had a friend, a best friend after that. I completely swore off friends in general. My husband and I split up years later and I met somebody else and married again and we are each other's best friend but just a little while ago I made a friend through a puppy. She was a breeder and I made friends with her she is 20 years older than I am, she is 72 and she is a great person but I will say my guard is up. I think with her being older it's more of a mother type figure relationship. But we are still friends. She lives 40 mins away. To me having friends is overrated and in my small small town I refuse to make any friends here. Small towns are pretty bad because you get to know somebody and then everybody knows your business. And I choose not to do that. My ex-best friend actually lives in the same town but she lives on the other end of town and there's only 600 people in this town so it's very small LOL but I very very rarely see her. If I do see her I used to say hi and smile and sometimes I stopped and talked but now after realizing I really don't have to do that, I actually walk right past her and ignore her. I realize now even though I'm in my 50s that I don't have to please everybody and I certainly don't have to always be the nice person. I've always tried to be nice to everybody therefore being nice to the people that weren't nice to me and now I refuse to do that. It's fine for me just to walk past her and not acknowledge her. Which is how it should have been actually in the first place. Someone in the comments said that friendship is overrated and it is overrated. I would rather make friends many miles away and go see them once a month or once every few months to have a really really good visit and just chit chat on the phone other than seeing each other every day😊 I subscribed. Sorry this was long haha

[@irenedavo3768]

She was mean!

[@babygrizwold]

@@irenedavo3768 yeah in the end I thought so too I just wish I had the ability to either tell her off or to not talk to her at all when I saw her years later. I guess at most times I'm just too nice of a person I suppose

[@dianaray1470]

Ain’t nobody gonna read this long ass book report.

[@babygrizwold]

@dianaray1470 well I'm sure you are a great friend to someone irl lol no need to comment and be rude. Wow. Keep moving! AND at the end I apologized for it being long. What a jerk you are.

[@Iceageonmars]

Sounds like you allowed this to define your life which is a pity because you constantly hurt yourself by not letting this go a long, long time ago.

[@tanial694]

I have actually ghosted a person that I thought was a good friend. It turned out she wasn’t and I found out she was telling other people about my private family business to my exes family! I was so hurt and angry that I had to just cut her loose and I was relieved and happy that I made that decision. It’s been over 7 years since I walked away. No more betrayal for me. We’d been friends for 30 years.

[@laurahillauthor]

Sounds like you had good cause.

[@Nwladylaura369]

Glad you removed her from your life!

[@avamartinez8586]

Does she even realize why you walked away?

[@kristinburton4953]

@@avamartinez8586 Either way it's a win. If she knows, she thinks oh... damn, if she doesn't she can die wondering. lol

[@ArchieB133]

I am so grateful to see this video, thank you so much. I’m going through something at the minute and I’ve been thinking ‘it must be me’, I’ve been thinking ‘what did I get wrong’ and this video has shown me what I guess I knew deep down, it isn’t me, I haven’t gotten anything wrong. I’ve had a friend for about 10 years, I thought we were really close, given what she has shared with me and vice versa. A few weeks ago I texted to ask what she thought of a theatre show she had been to see and I got a text back saying she’d been in hospital, had major surgery but didn’t feel up to talking about it. So, I said I totally understand her not wanting to talk, sent her flowers and told her to let me know when she felt up for visits and that if there was anything I could do in the meantime, even just practical stuff, let me know. I texted a week later to see how things were progressing and she said she was on the mend and getting better. She said there was no point in me visiting her in hospital because she would be out soon. I am up at the same hospital everyday (for 3 months) to take my husband for cancer treatment so I said I could easily pop in whilst he was having his treatment but she said not to bother a friend was going in to see her. When I said I could go any time she preferred she said no, another friend was going so I gave up. I have no idea what happened to her and said that hoped I hadn’t put my foot in anything because I didn’t know what had happened. She ignored this and I heard no more till 3 days later I got a text saying ‘just so you know, I’m home now’. I wasn’t sure what to do with this and feeling hurt because after all at least 6 other friends had been up to visit her, I said i was glad she was home and maybe it would help with her recovery and that I’d text the following week. I texted (because I said I would) and she said things were great she was going out for a drink and for me to take care. I’ve definitely even dumped. This reads as though I was ‘stalking her’, I wasn’t this has unfolded over a few weeks, I always left several days before offering to visit (because otherwise she’d say I didn’t bother to ask). I’m just and shocked because we live around the corner from each other, we lunch at least once a week and go to the theatre every other month and given what she has ‘shared’ with me I really thought we were proper friends. Right now though, I feeling angry, and longer care what’s going in with her and need to focus on my husbands treatment which she has failed to refer to once. My priorities are very clear for me, sadly she isn’t one of them.

[@laurahillauthor]

Im no expert but it almost sounds as if she feels left out? Like his illness or your understandable change in priorities no longer prioritizes her? Hope your husband has a full recovery, sounds like he is lucky to have you by his side.

[@ArchieB133]

@@laurahillauthor thank you for your kind thoughts about my husbands recovery. However, my priorities haven’t really visibly changed, (I’m taking him to daily treatments but everything else has remained the same)so I really don’t think my friend feels left out, she has been the centre of attention of so many people due to her illness (understandably) and I tried very hard to be there, offering to visit, drop off shopping, walk the dog etc but she was the one who ‘kept herself’ away from me. I offered to visit her every day as I was at the hospital anyway, even letting my husband drive himself home e so I could stay to visit with her and get a bus home. She hasn’t asked how he is, how things are going, only telling me what she’s going through and how she’s got so many visitors she doesn’t think I ‘should bother’ (her words). I got a text to say she was home, so I left it a week, texted to see how she was getting on and she said she couldn’t text much, she was off out to have a drink down the pub because she felt better. She said she’d let me know about visiting but it would be awhile as she got very tired in the evenings and lots of other people kept dropping in. I have given up, I deliberately made sure my husband’s treatment did not overshadow her situation (I don’t like stealing peoples thunder) but she has still kept me at arms length, it wanting to see me and not asking how his treatment is going or how he is, once. I texted at the end os last week (out of politeness really) to be told she been stung by a bee, had a rotten cold and was fed up with the heat.Again, not 1 word about my husband (whom she knows well) but lots of info about how she’s seen so many people lately. Yep! I’ve given up, I shan’t be texting anymore.

[@KittyFoxArtWorld]

The same standards that we apply to romantic relationships we should also apply to friendships. And it just takes time to get to know people.

[@laurahillauthor]

It really does but too often we are in a rush to connect especially when it seems Perfect. That’s when we can make mistakes in judgement

[@irenedavo3768]

It hurts?

[@transitionsnc]

Completely agree.

[@susanschwartz3477]

​@@laurahillauthorare you by chance a known mystery writer. If you are I loved your books

[@jilllech9785]

Wow yours is the first video explaining this friendship dynamic. It happened to me twice and I was fortunate to have another person explain “that’s just what she does, you are not the first or the last to be dumped.” But it made me skittish about making new friends. Then my closest friendship began to change. My 9:37 health began to falter, Covid changed all our lives and my friend began to slow things down and eventually she became just an acquaintance. Seems she cannot handle anyone who is ill, even herself. It’s hard to still value all the years and life events we shared. This video has encouraged me to try again to make a friend. Thanks.

[@marypaquette8705]

Had my appendix removed they found cancer cells, no chem, friend of 45 years dropped me, she thought I would give her cancer😮, Can't tell you how upset I was, then I thought, maybe she was crazy all this time? She was the sister I never had😢, found out she was afraid of getting Covid and did not leave her house for 2 yrs, she needs help, time is running out we are 76 yrs old.

[@laurahillauthor]

thanks so much for sharing. Good luck

[@laurahillauthor]

I'm so sorry, covid changed so many people, it instilled a deep fear that many have let take over their lives. So sad

[@allisonemig8578]

Just discovered your channel. I'm enjoying it! I am 64 and cannot believe I'm in now 60's now! Feels like I'm still 48. lol! Time to make the most of the time we have, it's going by so fast! Careful with people, not everyone is who they portray themselves to be! I have learned this the hard way. Thanks for the good conversation! 😊💖

[@laurahillauthor]

Thanks for finding me and taking the time to comment!

[@allisonemig8578]

@@laurahillauthor You're so welcome & God Bless You! Enjoying the smart conversations filled with wisdom! All so true, been thru them myself! 🩷

[@rosemarycatalano2914]

I find it so hard to have “friends” I’ve been Lovebombed by someone who needed help after her Husband passed away. She ended up being a major manipulator and user. I gave her a year of my life until I helped her settle into her new life only to be told by her that she tolerated me because I did things for her. Not that I needed to be tolerated, I treated her as I would have my own Mother. Looking back her Lovebombing was what I lacked from my own relationship with my Mother. I will never let this happen again.

[@laurahillauthor]

Figuring out ‘why’ helps move forward to better times

[@rosemarycatalano2914]

@@laurahillauthor I am going to Therapy for a number of things but this was the straw that broke my trust in people. I am now taking new “friendships “ very slowly and realize how I give so much of myself to others. I guess old habits die hard as I was in Healthcare for 40 years.

[@laurahillauthor]

So important to take care of yourself, get it sorted out.

[@djf8619]

It seems I am always the last to leave a friendship. It doesn't feel good, but in a way it is a good thing. Now your time is free for "me things." And maybe that is what one needed and didn't know it.

[@avamartinez8586]

I’m always the last one also. I am loyal with someone, but I’ve found through the years many don’t think about or value friendship the way I do.

[@kirranmoss9306]

I so appreciate your self disclosure. You sharing your experiences normalize experiences we have and may be ashamed of. Thank you for the advice. Love the new hair cut and highlights, too!

[@laurahillauthor]

Thanks so much! The support means so much. Putting it all out there

[@julierichardson-l6d]

i had a best friend for many years from 1972 to 2015. we were inseparable, i went to her wedding, stood by her through her divorce, was there for her when she was in law school etc etc etc. i finally acknowledged she was a narcissist and i was not going to put up with her BS anymore. i often think of all the fun we had but i am better without her in my life !!

[@laurahillauthor]

It’s always sad when friendships end on some level even if it’s a relief

[@suef52]

This is so good Laura! Thank you for sharing. A couple of years ago I had a similar painful experience. Looking back the love bombing came at a time when I was feeling vulnerable. It filled a void. I found out when I was deep into the relationship that she had done a similar thing to her previous friends. As soon as I was no use to her anymore for reasons I will never know, she was on the hunt for a new supply.😟 The betrayal of trust was something that took a long time to recover from.

[@laurahillauthor]

Exact same pattern. And I was vulnerable too, just at a point in my life when I really wanted a close girlfriend. I think that’s the key, we aren’t at our best. It really does take a long time to get over, plus rejection from another woman cuts deep. Makes you question your like-ability.

[@irenedavo3768]

It hurts!

[@gayemarianesfox2405]

Lots of 💡 moments when I reflect on certain scenarios with people. People can be so strange!

[@lydianewcomb]

I just remembered a quote I heard recently: "The moment you start wondering how much space you occupy in someone's heart, give them space and see how long it takes for them to fill it." Dang, I've been there!

[@laurahillauthor]

I like that quote. Thanks for sharing

[@kristinburton4953]

Also, never call someone more than they call you, their busyness is BS, they're too busy for *you* is the real truth. If you keep calling you fill their ego, not their heart.

[@tripleyoker2049]

@@kristinburton4953never beg

[@barbschuby9235]

When we entrust our love to others unfortunately sometimes we get hurt. The betrayal of a friend is challenging for me to move past. I still miss the person.

[@grandma460]

Have you conversed with them? 🤔

[@ldhawthorne]

I'm 53 and was dumped by my friend of 23 years. It's been tough and then my friend 0f 40 years died last week. It's hard as we get older. The circle just seems to get smaller!

[@laurahillauthor]

I’m so sorry that you lost your friend last week. One of the hardest parts of getting older is the death of people we love. I know that while the loss of your two friends were both very different I hope you find happiness and contentment

[@indyd9322]

Some people run hot and cold, and their sudden pulling away can be confusing and saddening. You think you're forming a real bond with them, and poof, they disappear on you. It really sucks when you don't get much, or any, explanation. I've seen this kind of behavior in romantic relationships, but it could happen in friendships too. Learning about attachment styles really helped shed some light on it. People with a pattern of hot and cold behavior might have unhealed disorganized attachment. Basically, they crave emotional connection and can come on really strong and warm at first. But once the relationship/friendship starts deepening, their underlying fears of emotional intimacy surface, and they can suddenly pull away or push you away. It can be so confusing, because the relationship/friendship may have been going great at the time. Maybe with space and time, they will return to us, but also maybe not. Learning to accept that was/is hard for me, and I've definitely shed some tears.

[@Yolduranduran]

I also had someone tell a group of us that she was too busy with her family and she was not going to hang out with us anymore. We all had families as well but would take the time may 2x per year to meet up so it was not very time consuming. She was sort of a jerk the way she said it, as if to say she had better things to do. Well, I appreciated being told, at least she was honest even if the delivery was not the best.

[@laurahillauthor]

Sometimes honesty can sting but yes better to know and move on

[@SacredCrone]

I had a friend ghost me. She felt I was neglecting her. I was in the depth of a chronic illness, and was committed to a very demanding religious organization. Honestly, her disappearance was a relief. I was barely able to care for myself let alone another needy person.

[@laurahillauthor]

You have to come first, some times people just exhaust us and we don’t realize it until they are gone. Thanks for sharing

[@virginiav.1172]

Appreciate you sharing your story. Here is mine: I met a woman who had recently moved to my area and knew no one. She "love bombed" me, telling me how much she appreciated me as a friend, we quickly spent lots of time together, laughed, shared experiences, went shopping, etc etc. Over time, as she met new people and developed other friendships, she stopped calling or making plans with me. This happened over about a year's time. I didn't ask why, but felt hurt and just moved on. I heard that she bought a new house and moved, but she never told me. At Christmas, I received a card from her saying how much she "missed me" but not initiating any further contact, so it came across as insincere. Another year or two have gone by. I have never heard from her. I've decided to be wary of any one that "love bombs" you -- friendships should develop slowly and over time, not be based on need or have hidden motivations. I decided I was just a convenient friend for this woman when she didn't know anyone else, so it was never a real friendship. Lesson learned.

[@grandma460]

I’m sorry. That’s really rough. 💜 Sometimes we don’t have any good answers. People can be so strange.

[@laurahillauthor]

So sorry that happened to you.

[@stickerlady1774]

you chose to “just move on” instead of talk to your “friend.” she reached out to you and you ghosted her. “she stopped calling” “she stopped making plans with me” was this your entire “friendship”? her effort and your passivity ??

[@virginiav.1172]

@@stickerlady1774 Pretty harsh assessment of a situation you know nothing about personally, but no, it was not a one-way street. What makes you so judgmental of others? I could have filled in the details and written a tome, but didn't feel this was the forum for it.

[@anniep855]

Consider yourself fortunate to have gotten away from this person. ❤

[@nesadcruz7840]

“Needing friends desperately” is a vulnerable place to be , even If you are new to an area. I am careful,about rushing into friendships as it takes time to get to know people. It is just like in a romantic relationship. My best friend and I have bern best friends Since we were 6. We live in different countries now but will always be best friends.

[@laurahillauthor]

Love this. Thanks for sharing

[@carolew994]

I can relate to this. I had a friend who thrived on meeting new people (I called her a friend collector), but I didn't realize that until years later. We were friends for quite awhile. We initially had a lot of things in common, and I always felt energized after getting together with her. Later on I think I became less interesting to her. She knew me at that point, or all that she wanted to know. She'd talk about life, I'd attempt to talk about mine, sometimes being cut off mid-sentence, sometimes having her pick up right where she'd left off as if I'd said nothing. Quite often she'd talk about new friends and what they did together, or people she had met that she thought could potentially become great friends given time. I felt invisible. It's not that I didn't expect/want her to have other friends (because different people add different things to our lives), I just thought our friendship would be a little more equal. At that point I knew that she NEEDED to have new friends as a regular thing in her life. You could hear the excitement in her voice talking about the new people she'd met, or the outings they'd had. One time she told me that I was a good listener. Yeah, I am, always have been, but sometimes that can be a one way street. I've had a lot of people tell me that I'm a good listener over the years, and I never felt weird about it, until she told me. I realized that's all I had become, the listener to her problems and her life. No reciprocation. When you start to feel like all you do is give that's not a great feeling. I got tired. I have a very small circle. I've only ever had one or two good friends at different times in life, from jr. high on. I have a couple of long time friends, and although we don't see each other much, or talk regularly, when we do get together it's like no time has passed at all. Not all friendships have to be that way, but it's nice when they are. Sometimes it's necessary to let go.

[@laurahillauthor]

Thanks for sharing !

[@ladychatelaine697]

I bought my friend a two year old car, items of furniture, and babysat her 3 dogs (plus my two!) so that she could visit her daughter 280 miles away. I've done this for 8 years, but I'm now 76 years old with a very painful knee. I had to tell her that I couldn't look after her dogs anymore. Ever since, she's hardly contacted me, and she now goes everywhere with her neighbour. I feel very used, but I can't remain angry as it'll ruin what life I have left. Trust God, not mankind! 😵‍💫🇬🇧

[@laurahillauthor]

Sounds like she is a bit of a user. But yes so good to move on and let it go. Time is precious. Thanks for sharing

[@Jamiwrites]

Thank you for sharing your heart. It’s not easy. When we invest in people, sometimes we get hurt, but it’s okay to want and need connection with others. It’s what makes us human. ❤️

[@laurahillauthor]

Thank you so much!

[@rhinnbuck7766]

Something similar happened to my daughter in high school with a gf who was like a “mirror image”of herself. They supposedly liked everything the same. I saw thru the friend and felt like it was a bit over done, but she could do no wrong in my daughter’s eyes. Well as soon as they both graduated from HS she ghosted my daughter. Never to be heard from again. I felt so bad for my daughter I didn’t know what to say. But I could feel her pain. Some people are just users and abusers. If you’re not someone they can use for their own personal gain, then they cut you loose and move on to next one.

[@laurahillauthor]

I’m so sorry that happened to your daughter. She will be much stronger moving forward a she makes new friends💔

[@mandybradley3079]

Your advice is so comforting. I miss having a girlfriend. It’s hard to start new friendships.

[@Pam-mj1uw]

I'm 70 and was ghosted and still can't believe it happened. I've decided I'm not rushing to be a friend. If someone comes around ok but otherwise I'm not killing myself to get a new friend

[@camilahearst4171]

Thank you for sharing your experiences and what you learned from life. They are very helpful.

[@laurahillauthor]

So appreciate your insight and taking the time to share your story too. I’m so glad we are all starting to talk about this. Sounds like you made a hard decision but you did it fairly. Sometimes we don’t get the answer we hoped for. Friendship takes a lot of work and it’s a lonely confusing feeling when your friend isn’t as invested .

[@nolaparker9574]

I was friends with this person for 15 years and we spoke often. We worked in 2 places together. My mother passed, I had issues with her will and she was very supportive. She rang one day and asked me to buy her and her husband a house so they could rent it. I never answered as thought she was joking. 3 months later she writes a very nasty email saying she no longer wanted to be friends. I was stunned and it took me a while to join the dots. The money was not even in my account and she was planning what she was going to do with it, was why she was so supportive.

[@laurahillauthor]

How sad she really turned on you💔

[@nolaparker9574]

@@laurahillauthor Thank you for answering as it really affected me that she used me for so many years, and never really liked me. I enjoy your vids.

[@raallen1468]

@@nolaparker9574 I had a very similar experience 25 years ago, when my husband died. A long-term "friend" called me & insisted that I "write out a big check to her for introducing my husband to me"; 15 years earlier. I laughed at her & hung up the phone. End of friend.

[@MMLZombie]

​@nolaparker9574 what an absolutely horrid thing to do to a person. I'm so sorry you had to go through all that

[@gloriasaliba3395]

That individual is a leech

[@vladimirru13]

I enjoyed your honest sharing. I've experienced the same thing myself. It's very painful and makes one ask, "Did I do something?".

[@laurahillauthor]

We always seem to think we must have done something. Sometimes there is no explanation sometimes we have to acknowledge that we just got involved with a person who wasn’t a good fit for us. Honestly I’d rather move on than waste my time but yes it sure does hurt

[@vladimirru13]

@@laurahillauthor Thank you for your response to my comment, Laura. 🙂

[@SherylSheryl-b3z]

I had a dear friend for 25 years. We watched movies together, read books together, and really enjoyed each other's company. Then, she got divorced, and started going to country western bars, was more interested in sewing "get ups" for dance floor attention, and country western dancing, and only wanted me to go to country western bars and watch her dance! Divorce changes people too, they look for new friends!

[@Glyn-gq8ts]

I don’t agree about divorce,at least not for everyone. I found one of the parties becomes a “casualty of divorce” or “collateral damage” in their social circle when long time friends either choose a side or drop both of you because it’s uncomfortable for them. It is sad because you don’t just lose your partner you can lose your social circle too especially if they are all married. They no longer invite the single person to functions as it makes the numbers uncomfortable.

[@laurahillauthor]

Divorce definitely changes people

[@r3sfernjbb]

Thank you for sharing. Sometimes I feel like I’m too sensitive. It helps to know other people feel the same. It helps me realize I’m normal. 💙💙

[@laurahillauthor]

You are so welcome!

[@peggymohr7899]

Thank you for this great advice for us. Friendship should not be used this way. Heart breaking.

[@ClaireQuinn566]

Greetings from Ireland. I enjoyed your talk Laura. Yes, friendships can be very disappointing at times. I find saying "let them" helps and also thinking to yourself - "let them get on with it" and I don't waste my time with them anymore. It's their loss. Liked & subscribed. 👍🇮🇪

[@laurahillauthor]

Thanks for the comment and so glad you found the channel!! Love your gorgeous country. My sister just got her PhD from the University of Limerick, she teaches there now

[@Elkycreates]

I keep my handful of friends at arms length. I'm in my 50s and havent suffered any friend miseries since my 20s. I dont try to make friends and the expectation i have of people is that they may come and go. So when they go or ghost i am never disappointed. I am happy to be free of anyone who doesnt value me. Simply put, i dont respect people who dont respect me.

[@laurahillauthor]

Good outlook! Thanks for sharing

[@kava2021]

I’m older now, 68, and I come to realize not to put too much stock into friends. I do have friends but they are people that I chatted with at the gym or go out and have coffee, or paint with outdoors. I enjoy their presence at the time. At least for me, friends come and go throughout the years. The only common ground is place and time.

[@laurahillauthor]

Thanks for sharing

[@rosemarybanner]

I had this experience with some people. All of the sudden with no reason the “friendship” is over. And, I must admit maybe I have ended friendships bc of snarky comments or poor treatment from others but when there is apparently no reason why something ends it is really confusing to us. Lesson learned, I am more careful who I let into my life…..like very few people.

[@laurahillauthor]

Thanks for sharing!

[@lynnboyd33]

Howdy Laura, this is the second vid of yours Ive watched today, as I just discovered you. Im really so glad to hear these stories. The human species can be pretty weird at times. Why some people act like this is beyond me. Man, if she could make besties that easily and quickly, and keep it real...seems like she'd have a line a mile long out her front door! Funny too, it never seems like you would hear men talk this way...about their buddy's, at least I never have. Any feed back on that subject people? Thank you Laura

[@laurahillauthor]

Thanks so much! And agree you rarely hear men having this same Conversation

[@zoeslovely7096]

Boy did i find you at the right time! This has JUST happened to me!!!!! Im still in shock, 3 months later. No tears, but I do feel I've mourned.

[@brynne77]

Yes, I think this is happening to me right now. Or maybe I'm just figuring it out right now. Yes, it can hurt. I think the person in my situation may have some mental issues, so it may not all be her fault as to why she hasn't been in touch much, but it can still hurt.

[@laurahillauthor]

Glad you found the channel But sorry for your hurt

[@thatswhatisaid8908]

That was a horrible experience! Mine was different. I was friends with a woman for 25 years. I knew i wasn't her bestie, but she was mine. We holidayed together. l supported her when others turned against her. We visited each other when we each had moved far away from the place where we had met and became friends. She knew me. She met my mum, and got on well with her. She met my kids, they loved her. She stopped taking my calls after 25 years. I knew she was still alive 3 years later as she declined my son's invitation to my 50th birthday. A few months later, my mum died, so I texted her to let her know. I knew she had truly liked and respected my mum. She never answered.

[@nesadcruz7840]

For whatever reason she didnt see in you what you saw in her. The lesson here is be careful whom you invest your friendship in. It is just like a one sided romance If you value the friendship more than the other person. With women especially friendships are complicated.

[@RawOlympia]

That is so jarring! I am so sorry!

[@ClareBarker-e7d]

She sounds like a rude old cow your ex friend. You are better off without her and you will truly believe that in time.

[@laurahillauthor]

What a loss for her and how kind of you to reach out when her mom died….so sad she couldn’t acknowledge the kindness. She may have bigger issues💔

[@avamartinez8586]

I had a so called friend call me to let me know her Mom died who really liked me. I went to her Mom’s funeral & was happy to see my so called friend again. She told me now that her Mom had passed, & she didn’t need to take care of her anymore, we could get together now. I was happy about that. I was hurt at her Mother’s funeral how she introduced me to someone else as her old landlady. I would have preferred to be introduced as a friend. When we were walking together after the funeral, i asked her if she would like to see my new car. She walked a few more feet and then turned around and said she had to go. She never looked at my car which I thought was odd. I’ve never heard from her again, and I never bothered to call her to remind her how she said we could get together. I got the hint she didn’t really want that. I know she used me when she was my tenant to get extra things. She even told me she felt I was charging too much rent & I never raised her rent. I laughed to myself when she said it because it was below market rent. I guess she really thought I’d lower, but I didn’t.

[@theresab11]

I'm not sure why this popped up in my feed? But my mother would call these "friends" fair weather friends.

[@laurahillauthor]

Glad it popped up and your mom is right!

[@sunshine-bs2jx]

I related so much to this too . 3 good friends have done this to me in last few yrs its not nice i was very good to them all

[@laurahillauthor]

Sorry about that. It’s hard to figure out sometimes

[@deeann424]

Something happened to me. One was a friend of 30 yrs. I am respectful and good to friends too. It did happen in covid time. Sometimes the worst of situations people show who they really are.

[@PossumLover1111]

Wow, I felt that story you told deeply. I've written before here about losing a dear close friend over our differences in politics (she left me in the rudest most meanest way......calling me a nasty name and hanging up on me). I guess some of us need close friendships and what that required (a mutual desire to connect) and some could care less or the relationship is one sided and all about them. I "broke up" with my best friend of 25+ years long after she moved away and I was the one initiating contact. I hated to end the friendship but I couldn't do all the heavy lifting of what it took to maintain a friendship by myself. I wrote her a letter telling her how I felt, she called me and we talked about it and she admitted she wasn't being a good friend to me (no excuses) but I had confronted her several times about this same issue. Anyway, eventually she passed away and I was very saddened by her death and the fact that she just couldn't/wouldn't give our friendship the attention it required. I'm 67, I have a few friends, some far away, and even fewer that live in Houston where I am but the few I have I cherish. People can be so weird and get so complacent thinking that a relationship takes care of itself. Well, like any true relationship, it does take work, attention, care to maintain it or else it will die. Thanks for your video.

[@MearnieToon]

Are you a minion of the traitorous orange blob ?

[@CaliKatJupiter]

I’ve dumped several long term friends and honestly do not miss them at all. I do love your tile and sconces. Beautiful!

[@joannsanders242]

I’ve had it happen 4 times with long term friends. Two have expressed interest in being friends again, but I am not interested. People are just so self centered. They don’t think about how much it hurts.

[@avamartinez8586]

I’ve had several so called friends move away and they never even told me. I got the message from this, and it’s so sad. I’ve let it go at this point, but have felt like something must be wrong with me. I’ve wondered at times what i did. I’ll never know.

[@marietgagliardi]

In the last few years, i had one friend try to steal my job, one tried to steal my husband and one did steal some friends. I moved to a new area during covid and wasn't very choosy due to lack of opportunities to meet people. I am usually much more discriminating and should have listened to my instincts

[@laurahillauthor]

Those are the times that we make errors in judgement

[@helenweatherby1694]

The saying that ‘you have friends for a reason, friends for a season and friends for life’ is very true I find.

[@laurahillauthor]

Guess there was a reason for someone to come up with the saying…. And it stuck😍

[@susanjones8489]

The person I ended my friendship with I knew since childhood. She joined a cult like church and became very judgmental, plus her son became a drug addict selling to someone who died and he went to prison twice. Every call would be about how people are not praying enough for her son, and how my personal issues were my own fault for not being right with God. Soon her daughter chimed in, calling me anti Christian on Facebook. That was it for me. Enough. I ended all contact immediately. I later found out her son died of an OD and was sorry to hear this sad news, but I did not contact her for fear I would be accused of not praying hard enough for him. Both mother and daughter became smug self righteous fanatics.

[@laurahillauthor]

You have to make the best decision for yourself. Sometimes friendships turn toxic and it’s smart to get away as fast as you can

[@michellesiderio1010]

They ghost you when you don’t agree with them…… or they find you boring…. Or politics….

[@bridget6890]

Yep, I was dropped for politics 4 yrs ago, I said 'let's agree to disagree.. not them 2 friends of 40 yrs standing!

[@DeviousKnitter70]

If the friendship turns into abuse, then it's done with!! A so called connection turns into nasty remarks, ditch them! I did, and will again if the line is crossed. Who needs it, not me!!

[@Blacksquareable]

I also had a friend who was suddenly avoiding calls when I needed her and so on. However, when I realised that I was being messed around that was it for me. However, as soon as I was done guess what happened. Instant stalking and hoovering. This woman was showing up at my home all hours suddenly best friends with my friends who were now nagging me to make things up with her. Unbelievable!

[@laurahillauthor]

That’s scary. I’ve heard from other women that they’ve run into this same kind of peculiar behavior. But stalking is definitely an issue

[@traceyannpapworthart]

I had close friends disappear when my husband became ill. Not only are you trying to cope with life, but grieving for friends lost. I say to myself that maybe some friends are only there for parts of your journey.

[@laurahillauthor]

I’m so sorry. I have read comments from so many women who walked in your same shoes. ‘Friends’ just disappear when you need them most. Illness, divorce seem to be the big ones. So hard to understand.

[@25Prague]

There are some people that can only start a friendship but not sustain one; it is a sign of intimacy issues!

[@laurahillauthor]

Agree💯

[@jcampbell100]

I wonder if men have this problem. I have had this happen several times with long time friends so now I have a shopping friend, a biking friend, a walking friend etc. If anyone is "desperate" to be my friend I won't go there. I will be their friend but space it out so that they have the opportunity to make other friends. Friends to me are " like a box of chocolates" variety is good. Works for me and I am much more fulfilled.

[@laurahillauthor]

I do a lot of public speaking and in mixed audiences I have asked the men this question. They all say that friendship isn’t as emotional for them and so they aren’t as invested. And many men say they depend on their wives for their social life. But that’s not a huge sampling

[@cashew515]

I think this is a North American phenomenon! I was born and raised in the West Indies left preteen! Found it hard to make and keep friends over years! My older Jamaican mother had lifelong friends!

[@laurahillauthor]

You may be right!

[@RomyHouston-y9v]

It is important to “date” when starting new friendships just like romantic relationships!

[@varvarahatzoglou1219]

I have a question for you. Well two in fact. What would you do if she called you as if nothing had happened and asked you to catch up? And what would you do if you had to work together again?

[@laurahillauthor]

Good questions. Well she will never get away with acting like nothing happened because what happened was very public. So if she reached out and acted like nothing had happened and asked to meet. I’d ask why? This wasn’t a simple disagreement. As for working together. Since this was a relationship of choice and nothing to do with my professional life, I chose to never put myself in that place/position again. Thanks!!

[@LucitaBrown]

Clearly this “friend” has issues. She’s not normal. And she dumps everyone. Thats dumb. Soon she’ll have no one left.

[@kristinburton4953]

How would she have no one left, when there's a city full of people to meet and she's good at it? 😅

[@sma3037]

Beautiful kitchen!! Also been there myself with being ghosted big time! Main thing is I would just like to know why? But I appreciate that friend showing me her true colors before I invested anymore of myself in the relationship. Good riddance!

[@laurahillauthor]

I feel the same way

[@ImHome-yl4ur]

Lord, twenty years ago, I’d be crying, too. But now? I don’t give one single flip. I often can’t believe how little I care if they dump me, talk about me, make up rumors about me, I just don’t care! It’s a wonderful feeling to say, “Bring it on. I don’t care.” I guess it comes with age.

[@kristinburton4953]

True quote: "The moment you start wondering how much space you occupy in someone's heart, give them space and see how long it takes for them to fill it." Never call someone more than they call you, their busyness is BS, they're too busy for you is the real truth. If you keep calling, you're just filling their ego, not their heart.

[@thriftytxmom]

Been there done that and now I realize she did me a favor. Being a friend shouldn’t have to be hard work and it was definitely too much work and one sided being her friend. I still to this day, about 8 yrs later, have no idea why she stopped speaking to me but it was a blessing.

[@laurahillauthor]

It hurts at the time but you are right ultimately it’s a blessing

[@shelleycharlesworth5177]

That was awful what she did. But it says so much about HER - it wasn't about you. I would rather be the giving fool than the withholding jerk. You deserve decent friends. So do I.

[@laurahillauthor]

So true!!

[@TreasureDeal]

Do you know about narcissists? Sounds like your "friend " was a narcissist. They love you, suck the life out of you, and then drop you like a hot potato. I'm sorry that happened to you. I'm guessing we have to go through that a few times before our radar kicks in and we become more aware, more cautious, but still live life. Best of everything and blessings to you. ❤