I was Groomed as an Autistic Teen | AUTISM IN GIRLS

***This video discusses a form of sexual abuse known as "Grooming." If you are not comfortable listening to details of what this abuse entails and my personal story on how I was Groomed, please skip this video. TW.
If you are a victim of Grooming, please know it is NOT your fault. If you need help, please click the following link: www.fxnetworks.com/shows/a-te...
In this week's video of Wired Different, I talk about Grooming. I discuss what it is, what the signs of it are, the link between someone's Autism and their vulnerability to be groomed, and my personal story on how I was Groomed starting at 14 years old.
To review the 7 Signs of Grooming list that I discuss in this video, please head over to Kati Morton's KZbin Channel (@Katimorton ), or click this link: • 7 Must Know Signs of G...
Thank you so much for your continued support of me and my efforts to bring awareness to females on the Spectrum!
Instagram: @OliviaHops
Small Business: www.UnbakedBar.com
Autism - Autistic - Autistically Me - Olivia Hops - ASD - Autism Spectrum Disorder - Actually Autistic - Autistic Adult - Autistic Woman - Autistic Female - Autistic Girl - Female Autism Traits - Girl Autism Traits - Autism in Girls - Autism in Adults - Late Diagnosed Autistic - Adult Autism Diagnosis - Grooming - Grooming Abuse - Sexual Grooming - Aspergers
#ActuallyAutistic

[@QuarterCoyote]

They need to teach kids in school about grooming and what to do if it starts to happen to you.

[@mizotter]

I agree. However, many schools have "Abstinence-based" "sex ed," and they focus on shame and guilt rather than comprehensive education that focuses on well-being. Some see these programs as grooming because of the lack of info about consent, sexual health, etc.and the emphasis on "traditional," patriarchal, cis/het marriage. With these programs in schools, many American children are getting info at school that puts them at more risk rather than making them safer.

[@MattGaetzOnAWhiteFordBronco]

Exactly. This is a major problem. We don't teach children & teenagers to reach out to adults when *other children and teenagers* may be in trouble. Can you imagine? "Nurse, I believe my classmate goes hungry at night." Ok, this is difficult to address but let's see what we can do. "Dad, everyone at school says this girl has an older boyfriend. Like, way older, and he's the coach." WTF, we're going to the principal now.

[@mlwilliams7959]

Unfortunately, some schools encourage grooming.

[@Delihlah]

My mother taught me about internet predators but she failed to mention they weren't just old creepy men, they were 20 year old emos and college students preying on young girls too.

[@stfuyoutube423]

yeah, and they shouldn’t fearmonger about it

[@mizotter]

I'm 57, and I only discovered I have Autism a few weeks ago. I was groomed as a 5th grader by an older guy, and I, too, fell for all the lies, believed he loved me, experienced heartbreak alone, and lived with guilt & shame for decades. To make matters worse, I'd see the man every year in adulthood when I returned to my home town for July 4th celebration at my parents' house. He would always come into the yard and speak to all my family members; his parents lived just up the street. To top it off, he'd often mis-identify me as my older sister, who was his age, and who I look a LOT like. Every year I had to play it off as nothing when he appeared. Then, a couple of years ago, I was back home for my aunt's funeral, and the gossip around town was that the man had SA'd a cognitively disabled adult woman who could NOT have consented. I don't know how he was caught, but he's in prison now. I am disturbed at the thought of how many victims there are between me and the last one. I never told; I believed no one would believe or support me, and I think that's accurate. I didn't feel safe to tell, so I just carried it. Just a couple of weeks ago, I went back home and went swimming at the lake where he groomed me. I am reclaiming my hometown for myself after decades of avoiding it in fear of seeing him. I feel free and can enjoy pleasant memories I made there instead of always safe-guarding my mind against the pain, guilt, and shame. I'm glad you've made these painful discoveries at a much younger age than me, and I wish you well on your healing journey. I hope that the man who hurt you is no longer coaching or has access to young girls. I'm sorry for what you've had to suffer, and I'm glad you're talking about it and unburdening yourself. Be well, sister. It's not your fault; you were a child. He mis-used his position of power to prey on you; that was morally abhorrent and a crime. You didn't deserve to be abused that way. You are not responsible. Take care of yourself. Thanks for making this video.

[@explodingdog]

I'm so glad to read that you're reclaiming your space now, you're such a strong person for real :) Similar thing happened to me, even into my adulthood I kept falling for manipulative people because of my naivity?? and it made me pretty much lose all my trust in people. One man even lied that he had a terminal illness and faked it in depth and manipulated his way into my life in such creepy ways! Yikes. Do you (or anyone) have any tips how to learn how to catch on if someone is okay or not and how to get a little trust in ANY human being back? If you don't wanna respond I understand too of course, it's just that I stumbled upon this by coincidence and recognize it and am still struggling with it but nobody can give really helpful information from the sideline.. I'm about to go full hermit mode :p

[@mizotter]

@@explodingdog I'm sorry for what happened to you. I, too, fell for several manipulators, and after my last disastrous relationship in 2012, I decided to put my safety and well-being first and accept the single life for good. I poured myself into my teaching career, but after being targeted for harassment for anti-racist, pro-LGBTQ, pro-student rights work by local right wing bullies, I retired early. I joined 2 local community groups right away, but when leaders wouldn't hold religious leaders to account for following pandemic protocols, I left them in horror. I cannot sit idly by while community leaders put members at risk--not even for religious reasons. After 30 years in this town, I've run out of energy to try to fit in. I have not figured out how to know if people are a threat to my well-being, so I've pretty much gone full hermit. I have a few true friends, and a couple of musicians that I play with, but I spend most time alone, in the garden, in the woods, at the lake...Nature never disappoints. Feeling safe is far preferable to the turmoil of being in relationships w/ users. I hope for good things to come your way. Take care.

[@explodingdog]

@@mizotter Oh my gosh, what you're saying sounds SO similar it's crazy. My last relationship was this year too and it was such a rollercoaster that had been going on for years and I just couldn't go on anymore, I felt like it was draining the last energy I had in me. I've been saying since a while now I want to just move away to a quiet place somewhere surrounded by nature, because I feel like I'm dying here with HORRIBLE neighbors and noise and shitty people constantly around me like they are in my house, and no 'safe' place to withdraw.. Wish I had the possibilty to actually move and I'd do it in a heartbeat!! Not sure how much longer I can do this, fighting to survive in this 'society' never seems to end, does it..? I felt it when I was a child, it never started feeling any different unfortunately even if I'm trying to adapt but to be honest I'm sick of 'adapting' because nobody gives a hoot and people are still nasty scumbags.. lol sorry but I seem to walk into the worst ones then I guess ;) And my best friend who was wonderful died in 2019..

[@explodingdog]

@@mizotter Thank you so much for responding by the way and so fast too!

[@mizotter]

@@explodingdog I feel much the same way. I can't move for $ reasons, so I've just decided to focus on what gives me joy and avoid groups. I'm sorry for the loss of your friend. I lost 2 sisters in 2020 (to cancer, not covid), and I know that grief can also really affect us. I find nature much more comforting than most people. Losing my sisters has made me feel WAY more vulnerable, but finding out I have autism has helped me understand so much of my life. It's quite ironic, since in my teaching career, I was known as the English teacher who worked especially well w/ people w/ autism! I even did a teacher research project on autism! LOL!

[@kittygoblin2377]

when i was 8, my mom got a new boyfriend. he took a special interest in me. he would call the landline to talk to me and let me go on about what i was interested in. then he married my mom. he treated me like a princess, and i started calling him "daddy" and he was my world. the grooming was so gradual. i didn't realize something was wrong until i was a teenager. i remember thinking, "that girl on tv probably doesn't spoon with her dad with his hand between her thighs. i don't think this is normal." i didn't stand up to him until i was 14. then all my adoration turned to a toxic hate. and i still didn't tell my mom what was going on because i didn't want to break up our family. i acted like everything was fine. it took about a year before my mom saw through my act and asked me why i was so angry at my dad. i told her that he molested me, which was true. but i told her that it only happened once because i was afraid of looking "bad" for participating in this relationship for so long. even though i lied, she believed me, and kicked him out of the house. she asked me if i wanted to press charges but i was so afraid of being honest about my role in the story, because what kind of sick kid actively kisses their dad like that, and says yes to that attention over and over? i still struggle with that guilt, even though i know it was all him. he made it normal, and loving, and special. i've been more honest with my mom in recent years, but i still don't think she fully understands the scope of what happened. the cherry on top of this story? he's still a part of my life because my mom never became financially independent from him. they owned a business together, and now she's disabled and can't work. she eventually had to move back in with him because she couldn't afford her home. and then they reformed their relationship because "he's been to therapy over what he did to you and he feels so sorry for all of it. he's different now." i don't believe that for a second. i know that he's a master manipulator, and a twisted individual, and people like that don't change. i'm almost 30 now. and i am preparing to go no contact with him. last week, i closed the bank account that he helped me open as a teenager. he was joint on the account and could transfer me money anytime i needed it. all of our accounts, his, my mom's, and my younger brother's were all linked. and we used that to take care of each other when someone was struggling. i threw away that safety net to set my own account, separate from my family, all so that someday soon, once i get the rest of my stuff out of their house, i can finally set my boundaries. i will keep arranging my world so that i never have to see his face again, because every time i do, i go right back to those memories, the shame, the confusion, the righteous fury, it all comes flooding back. thank you for sharing your story. i wasn't going to share mine until after my no contact plan was completed, but listening to you describe your encounter with grooming made me want to share my own, and now i have. i feel angry right now, having brought it up, but i also feel lighter. and i hope that maybe some mom will read this, and be mindful that it does start out so innocent. my mom thought she had found a loving man who took an interest in her kids, and it was the best thing ever. i still love her, but she was wrong, and he was sick, and my life changed forever because of it.

[@OliviaHops]

Hey Kitty, thank you so much for sharing your story with me. You are so incredibly brave to do so. I’m sure it brought up so many bad memories, but now you’ve gotten it off your chance and hopefully it can help you move forward! I know once I did this video I stopped feeling overly guilty. I still do at times, but it’s much better than it was. I know you said this, but I just want to reiterate that this wasn’t your fault AT ALL. I’m sorry your mom has decided to believe his lies and not take your side. You separating yourself from your family is the right thing to do in my opinion. I know a lot of people will never disown family, but family can be the worst people in your life sometimes. Those people need to go because you have to put yourself first. I’ve done that with family members and my life has been better ever since. You deciding to make that same decision is amazing and you should feel so proud for that. Best of luck with moving forward. I’m praying for you. God Bless 💙💙💙

[@bensmith8957]

I'm sorry that happened to you

[@ellakennickell5842]

Congratulate you on seeing the need to go no contact and set your boundaries. The financial dependence piece is huge in frustrating such attempts and could suck you back into contact (even when one knows that the people have not changed from being abusive). So it is very wise of you to separate yourself financially first, as this will be the cornerstone to maintaining your boundaries in no contact successfully.

[@user-wr7cy5ph9p]

You have absolutely NO reason to feel ashamed. You were not pathetic. You were a child. Don't be so hard on yourself

[@sonicsakura8368]

I'm autistic and was groomed by my first long term relationship. I was 17 and he was 23 when we met online. He groomed me and go to know me with the intent of becoming sexual the second I turned 18 knowing that I was inexperienced and this was my first relationship. I didn't know it was wrong. He abused me emotionally, gaslit me constantly and went through all the steps above.

[@Obinsfnubf447]

17 to 23 is not an awe difference.

[@etcwhatever]

​@@Obinsfnubf447if she didnt have enough maturity to properly consent it was still grooming. Do you know that even an husband can r@pe a wife?

[@Obinsfnubf447]

@@etcwhatever Oh yeah. Lets say a 35 years old gets in a relationship with a 55 years old, then, when the relationship ends, years later will the person that was 35 at the time of the relationship establish it as "grooming" because she/he wasn't mentally mature enough to properly consent. Stop f'ing taking responsibility off the hands of young adults. 15 years olds, 100 years ago, had more responsibility than most 20 to 30 years olds today.

[@silversmoke6]

​@@Obinsfnubf4471. There is a world of difference between a 17 and 35 year old. 2. A 17 year old lierally is a child and their frontal lobe is significantly less developed than a 23 year old 3. Obviously everything like this needs to be looked at on a case by case basis. But it is pretty cut and dry that somebody in their 20s shouldnt be dating underage teens. 4. This isnt a case of two fully grown adults. This is a case of an almost fully mature adult at 23 in a relationship with an immature 17 year old 5. Men often target younger women and girls because they are easier to manipulate and control.

[@silversmoke6]

​@@Obinsfnubf447also, 15 year olds 100 years ago were still 15 year olds. Girls just did not have any agency over what way their lives went.

[@elizabethbowers2101]

Olivia I just want to say thank you. I am autistic and wasn’t recognized until adulthood. Looking back it makes so much clearer for me. Particular my story of being abused over an over. This solidarity is so rare. I love your videos, keep it up darlin

[@OliviaHops]

Thank you so much for the support, Elizabeth! 💙 And I'm so sorry that you have been abused as well. We are strong and we can get through this. I'm here if you need me.

[@elizabethbowers2101]

@@OliviaHops thanks love ❤️ your videos and you putting yourself out there means the world to me, and your videos have been super helpful explaining some stuff to my partner I hadn’t been able to on my ownz

[@bebbycute]

I didn’t find out I have autism until this year at 23. This happened to me when I was 15 too...and again at 18. You aren’t alone. Thank you for this

[@mrskerry88]

My daughter is 12 and moderately autistic. She is a hopeless romantic already so im always on guard with her where she goes and I just overthink myself to death in hopes this doesn't happen. Your so strong speaking about this and it's nothing to be ashamed of. He should be ashamed. I feel bad for this wife! Disgusting.

[@mizotter]

Thank you for being aware and looking out for your daughter's safety. I'm a retired high school teacher, but I have to say that predators are not rare among teachers, coaches, and youth workers of various stripes. Stay vigilant.

[@MattGaetzOnAWhiteFordBronco]

Yes, please keep vigilant. I'm in a similar situation... a family member is a young autistic female and keeping men away is like swatting flies away from a BBQ grill 😂 freaking non-stop! It's extra hard because it's completely normal to become infatuated when one is a teenager (and yes, even young adults) and obviously we want people to experience life. The key is constant communication and becoming very involved in their lives. We just can't leave an autistic person call us every 3-7 days from college from their own free will (like most kids 🤣) we have to be way more involved.

[@OliviaHops]

You are an amazing mom for knowing how your daughter's mind works and for being so aware! She is so blessed to have you. And the weird part is, his wife was kind of involved in the grooming too... I didn't mention it because the video would have been like an hour long, but she wasn't an innocent bystander. Super weird.

[@mrskerry88]

@@OliviaHops oh no! I'm sorry this happened to you. Wow what a hairy situation. 😥

[@bradrushing5959]

My daughter has high functioning autism and she was groomed by a much older neighbor of ours. It didn't last as long as Olivia's case , but she was traumatized. He touched her inappropriately, she freaked out and ran home. I feel bad because I didn't fully realize what was going on. I thought I was watching out for her, knowing she is vulnerable and also a hopeless romantic. It could have been much worse, so I am thankful it did not go further. ~ Heather ~

[@k.b.woodworker3250]

I'll add that I had a "boyfriend" when I was 15 and he was 21. Luckily, once I got to know him, I didn't like him at all, he kind of made my skin crawl. He made it very hard for me to "break up" with him since I didn't want to be mean to anyone back then. He would act like if I left he would be devastated, etc. Luckily my dad intervened. He'd never liked me dating him in the first place. Back when I was that age, no one had the understanding of these things they have now. Also, I've learned that "being mean" toward someone trying to manipulate you with their feelings is a healthy thing to do.

[@katharinemay4040]

I just recently got diagnosed at age 23 after watching a lot of your content and that of other autistic women and afab people. One of the hardest things to process since realizing I'm autistic has been unpacking all of the subtleties and social cues I missed that led me into similar situations. Thank you for being willing to speak about this, it makes me feel heard and it's helping me understand that those things aren't our fault.

[@mizotter]

#Solidarity

[@princezzpuffypants6287]

Victimization goes further than "minors cannot consent". Even if you could legally consent or were mature enough to consent, the "groomer" (aka abuser) is manipulating you emotionally and mentally. They are convincing you, their victim, that they love you and want to provide for you when that is not the case at all. Really the only thing they want is control. What you invited was the relationship you BELIEVED you were going to get and give. What you invited was genuine love, genuine affection and genuine mutual care. You are not to blame for someone manipulating and abusing you and betraying your faith. Ever. Whether you are 9 or 99. Even if you wanted "the relationship" - you were never given the true relationship; you were only given a manipulative illusion. No one ever wants or invites a manipulative illusion. Ever. EVER.

[@OliviaHops]

You're so right. Thank you for commenting this (and for watching).

[@pyarkaaloo]

💯💯💯💯

[@nightyew2160]

Yes, thanks for this clarification. I know Olivia said this can happen to adults, too, and I didn't understand why if part of the problem is that minors can't consent. The thing I hate about these situations is that they look the same as the real thing. It can be months or years before it starts to feel bad. How can you know the difference before it's too late?

[@Yams-Hams7734]

@@nightyew2160 also what’s even more disturbing is that many people think that the moment someone turns eighteen that they’re a legally consenting adult, which is true legally, but might not be true mentally and emotionally. Maturity can take years to develop, and a lot of times people don’t really start to fully become and adult until they’ve started to do things on they’re own, like getting a car, getting your own place etc. Heck, it’s been scientifically proven that the brain doesn’t fully mature until about 25-26. It’s so god dang disturbing, you’ll see people wait until someone’s eighteen, to start pursuing them romantically/sexually. And the law technically supports that even though they’re still technically reliant on their parents for a lot of things, or just making steps to adulthood.

[@rachelann9362]

Mine started grooming when I was 12/13. Nothing physical happened until I was age of consent. But looking back, I can see the love bombing, the brainwashing, the manipulation, conttol, the need for secrecy, etc. It took me 3 more years until i escaped him. I’m 38 i didnt even see it as abuse until recently. I only FELT it as such until last fall. When i heard he died, i was ANGRY. So many memories came flooding in and they havent stopped.

[@heythenameisash]

You just explained so many relationships I've been in... And I feel stupid too. I still get messages randomly from a few guys from years ago every now and then. And I fall for it every time. I'm 30 at the end of this year and I'm terrified of ever being in a relationship because of this. I can't tell if someone is genuine or not. I wish I could...

[@mizotter]

Me, too. Sending you lovingkindness. One thing I noticed in my pattern of taking toxic men back is that I was MUCH more susceptible when fertile. You may want to check your cycle and plan ahead to avoid them when you're most vulnerable. Be well, friend.

[@OliviaHops]

I'm so sorry this has happened to you, too, Ashley. Please know you are NOT stupid. I know it's easier said than believed, and I'm obviously struggling to believe it myself, but neither of us are stupid. I fall for the texts every time, too. But, we are strong, and we can get through this. I'm here for you if you ever need anything. Also, you will find your person in time. There is someone out there who will genuinely love and care for you. 💜

[@maggieavilla1336]

I was with a narcissist for 10 years.. I didn't even get it at all, not until he became physical with his abuse. He would gaslight me all the time, and I wouldn't see it. I know that people often find me rude, and that I don't communicate well, so I researched communication to do the best I could. Lol. It was also nice to have someone around who was assertive and was good at making the little decisions that would take me forever to make. I felt like an idiot for a while because I never even realized that he was subtly putting me down and trying to isolate me. It didn't work, but I couldn't bring a person into our house without his permission. So I'd just go other places to hang with people. I thought he just didn't want other people's smell in his house.

[@megansutton9699]

Wow, that’s awful you’re very brave to be able to talk about it. People like that are so sick. It’s even more disgusting when they target people like us, who have a harder time picking up on the situation. This needs to be stopped

[@thehalestormamyhale9919]

Thank you for sharing your story! As a mom of a young autistic girl, I deeply appreciate your honesty. You are helping me help daughter. 💜

[@OliviaHops]

I'm so honored I could help you help your daughter, Amy! Thank you so much for watching and for your support. God Bless you both 💙

[@TheAlfakitty]

Same here!

[@shahinazelsayed6043]

show your daughter these videos. Don't just "tell her" or "help her".

[@annalou6750]

Bless your heart. You are not to blame. He is/was utterly despicable and manipulative. You were gullible, not stupid. You are an amazing, courageous young woman. Thank you for sharing your story. There is no telling how many young women you will have helped by speaking out. 🙏🏻❤️🙏🏻

[@psychicrenegade]

This happened to me at 19...and he was my friend's 45 year old step-father. People still blame me for what happened, but I no longer blame myself after learning that I am autistic, and learning about grooming!

[@leslieyancey5084]

That guy sounds like a narcissist. They start “love bombing”, giving gifts and attention. They get you addicted and then pull back, causing you to feel confused. Then, when you react negatively they start gaslighting you, denying anything is wrong and making you feel crazy! Eventually, they discard you, and after some time start “hoovering” or sucking you back in! This has happened to me a few times as an adult, and it’s disgusting that he did this to you when you were a child!

[@thecatfromoregon]

I had similar experiences growing up. I couldn't figure out why I was always the target over other people. Now that several people suggested I'm autistic, it makes a lot more sense now.

[@ajennyforyourthoughtscincy]

I am soo proud of you. You are brave. I think everybody should watch this video - autistic or not. Your straight forward description of the process of grooming is better than what I can explain to my teenage kids. And then to follow up with your own experience showing how it correlates to those steps is powerful. He still has a hold on you while you experience shame and embarrassment. Please free yourself of holding yourself accountable or responsible for what happened to you. Predators have an evil ability to identify people who can be susceptible - adult or child. And their patience is otherworldly. Thank you so much for sharing your story. I pray that it is a monumental step in your healing.

[@OliviaHops]

Hi Jenny, thank you so very much for this comment. It means the world to me and really made me feel better. Sharing my story for the first time did actually help. I feel a weight has been lifted. Still a lot of healing to go, but I do believe this is the first step. Thank you for your support. Again, it means so much. 💙💙💙

[@kaceynoelchumley6816]

Listening to this was like an autobiography. The whole saving texts and staring at them, being groomed for years, being led on and left on read... I really feel for you. And being neurodivergent makes this SO much harder. I'm sorry this happened for you, but you're definitely not alone.

[@jensmisson881]

Olivia, your story is mine. A coach at age 14 wrapped me around his finger, took advantage of me emotionally and sexually. then dumped me and called me a slut to my teammates and caused them to reject and ignore me. I was alone and couldn't tell anyone because I thought I was responsible... And I too felt responsible for years, probably 20! It was when I had children of my own and could see their innocence and how even at 15 many girls are so vulnerable to an older guy's attention that I really saw the truth. I really want you to be free from shame about this. Please hear this: you are not/were not stupid for for being young and naive and innocent. That's exactly how you should be at that age! You are not stupid for having perfectly normal feelings in such a situation. He was a crafty manipulator and It's all on him - ALL of the responsibility. It takes courage to get the truth out in the open and expose the lies, and I hope you feel greatly empowered by doing so. Good for you Olivia. Thank you so much for sharing. And BTW, I .do not deal with ASD personally... Sadly, Grooming happens with many many neuro-typical girls as well

[@bensmith8957]

I'm sorry that happened to you

[@maryballard8916]

You need to inform the school district where he is employed. People like him don’t stop. I am sure he has a new person he is grooming. Also, you have legal standing to sue him and his school district. If the statute of limitations has run out, you can sue through a civil suit. He needs to lose his teaching license or he will do this again. I am so sorry this happened to you. Good luck!

[@OliviaHops]

Thanks for watching my video, Mary. He no longer coaches, and hasn't since he coached me 11 years ago. So thankfully, he is no longer around kids. Obviously he could still find victims another way unfortunately, but he at least no longer coaches teens.

[@rachelj1201]

She doesn’t “need” to do anything. It’s good to know she can do something, but It’s not her responsibility to stop him. The courts are pretty unkind to survivors, and not everyone has the wherewithal to pursue legal action.

[@Brittney1986]

This story really went straight to my heart. I know exactly how you’ve felt, I feel so ashamed of being so naive in relationships. If someone is nice to me, I have such a hard time not wanting to cling to them because they feel safe. It’s all I’ve ever wanted, so it makes sense why people on the spectrum can fall into this trap. The thing is, it’s not our fault because we’re honest and genuine with our feelings and then expect everyone else is too. I hope by telling your story, you also got some healing. Thank you so much for sharing, this scenario has happened to me as well and I also feel lucky that it didn’t get as far as I would have been willing due to circumstances. God looks out for us, I truly believe that.

[@mama2kittyfubb]

As difficult as this was for you to do, thank you for taking the time to share your story. My hope for you is that in time, you will be kinder to yourself about what happened to you as a minor. An adult, you trusted, took advantage of you and it was not your fault. My concern is if this person is still involved with coaching.

[@SketchingWithSarah]

As a neurotypical… I related to this really hard. Thank you for speaking out about this because my experiences were also never physically sexual and because of that I feel like people don’t think it’s that bad. There are many ways people can hurt you that can feel just as awful. (Not downplaying physical sexual abuse by any means) Especially as a young teenager when everything is intensified emotionally. Every time I would go back I knew I was so stupid to but depression and the craving for feeling special.. it’s a lot and I still feel dumb and hate on myself for it for welcoming him in each time. It’s taken time to heal and realize I deserve better. Things like being ghosted, gaslighted, and groomed are all so awful and I feel like it’s not taken seriously because “well it’s not as bad”

[@snoopyloveslucy3247]

Olivia, he (the groomer) is a narcissist. Have a look at Dr Ramani's channel on Narcissism and toxic people. It'll help you heal from the toxic abuse you endured. I also had repetitive encounters with narcissists, so did a deep dive into understanding it. I HAD to know. Now, I can spot them a mile away, and can forgive myself for missing the cues. Thanks for what you do on this channel - heaps of value for me. Cheers.

[@buttercxpdraws8101]

Really useful video cos you are demonstrating how gently and insidiously grooming can occur. I’ve been groomed as ‘a friend’ for financial reasons a few times. It really hurts.

[@OliviaHops]

I'm so sorry you have been groomed yourself. Thank you for watching my video and supporting me. I hope you can heal from your trauma, too 💙

[@Neurodiverse_Universe_]

You’re so brave to speak out about this. It’s TOTALLY not your fault. Sending you virtual hugs 🌟 Thank you

[@irisgreene4175]

Oh Olivia! Thank you so much for the vid! I’m 48 and just found out I’m autistic. And this vid opened up my eyes to my history teacher who talked me into joining the swim team that he coached, and then went scuba diving with on the weekends…. THANK YOU SO MUCH. Don’t feel dumb at all! You were totally played. Esp the part where he told you he wasn’t necessarily with “the one”, told you that you were both twins then said he loved you. He was rationalizing against your own instincts to not get involved with a man already taken - saying he wasn’t taken and that you were the one he loved. Your sense of morality and not wanting to do that to another woman was used as added insurance to keep you quiet has anything gone wrong with his plan. It was totally calculated! Think about it - any other guy that was in a similar but “co”’adult relationship would have said “we’re breaking up.” But he knew it f he said that it would have lead to a more open and intimate relationship with you that could/would have landed him in jail. Please don’t feel bad on ANY level

[@turkituck]

You ARE brave

[@woodstockenvy4666]

As a guy, I've definitely been psych abused a number of times in my life by both men and women .. didn't have the terms and contemporary labels such as "grooming" .. but the abuse was there and affected me to the point where I can recall each incident as if it were yesterday.

[@kimclark6696]

You are so courageous for sharing this incredibly personal story. It’ll help a great number of young women navigate through this horribly common practice. 🙏

[@OliviaHops]

Thank you so much for this comment, Kim. It really means a lot to me. I hope this can help anyone who is going through this. God Bless 💙

[@dawnlivingston6236]

I appreciate your openness and honesty, a lot of that happened to me several times over, even when I was much older. I knew it was vulnerable for a reason but didn't realize and put the two together be autistic and being groomed by a male. I'm 60 💕now and first realizing all of this now

[@radiostatic]

Very proud of you for telling your story. I hope you’re able to release the shame you feel towards yourself because none of what happened to you was your fault. You’re so strong!

[@OliviaHops]

Thank you so much for this comment, Morgan. It really means so much to me. Telling my story for the first time ever has definitely already released some heavy weight off of my shoulders. Thanks again for your support 💙

[@danyelPitmon]

I really don’t know what to say other than I’m sorry that this happened to you and I hope you do find peace of mind and enough help with a therapist to get through all of it

[@cezza100]

Thank you for sharing this. You've helped me reflect on my own experience. I unfortunately encountered the person of my experience around 6 years later and decided to give him a hard time by asking if he was still doing it(I'm paraphrasing!), he responded with grow up.... 😵. It allows for doubt to creep in, because it's gaslighting! Although, I'm sat here now remembering him telling me that it was me, not him, at fault for putting his teaching career at risk. Just saying that proves he wasn't acting within the law, even though in his own sick mind he felt he wasn't responsible 😒 So thank you, it is a reminder to not let that negative self talk get a permanent seat st the table. He took advantage of me and my naivety. Plus there are a lot of signs I could have autism so I identify with that last piece of your video too 💛

[@tracirex]

Olivia, I'm sorry you had this experience. Keep telling your story and the embarrassment and shame will fade. You will be able to connect with people who have similar situations. You will come to know yourself as strong and smart. Take care.

[@tiiaj7589]

I would say this most definitely a PTSD issue for you. I hope you are able to find a way that helps you move past the negative view you have of yourself at that time. It’s absolutely true that as autistics we’re more nieve, more apt to believe the face presentation someone projects. You weren’t sappy or stupid. He very much used you like a thing. Makes me livid! I’m trying somatic therapy right now. CBT doesn’t work for me, might be worth looking into. 💛❤️‍🩹

[@rosie5741]

Thanks for sharing. The word you were looking for is "insanity". Although that's just a colloquialism, being in denial of a harmful pattern does not make you stupid nor crazy! I hope you have found your healing!

[@chipbychoc6360]

You are sooo brave! Thanks for sharing your story, Olivia!

[@teresapaliwoda]

Thank you for sharing this. I'm so sorry this happened to you but sharing your story will help others.

[@jennifergauthier3282]

Thank you for your honesty and vulnerability 💕 You are so wonderful for sharing this. I can relate.

[@PleiadianSister]

You are INSANELY brave for sharing this. I am so proud of you that it gives me goosebumps. 💕💕💕

[@kirigilbert1355]

Thank you for sharing... I'm so deeply sorry that you've experienced this, but you are incredibly strong to share something so traumatic.

[@tinaspears6769]

You are soo wise beyond your years! I wish I had heard this many years ago. Please continue educating others. Your story is so very relatable. Please know that your story matters. I wish you peace, love, & prayers ✌🏻💚🙏🏻🌻

[@lisaholderby3031]

Thank you for sharing your story. I pray telling it will continue to help you heal 🙏❤️ I’m confident it will help others!

[@elthgar]

I am struck by how brave you are in all your videos. Thank you for your openness.

[@dena-mo118]

Olivia, thank you for being brave enough to share your most vulnerable experience. This is such a help to others.

[@RobertalWilliams]

Your story will be a blessing on many lives.

[@charlms89]

Thankyou for sharing this Olivia... I can't say why I'm grateful but I am... Thankyou x

[@AnnamarieMatthewsHussey123]

Thank you , Olivia~ you are so brave for being so vulnerble in sharing your story with all of us. I know this will help others. You are a blessing. I am so sorry you went through this.

[@sebastianrooks6778]

Thank you for your courage and honesty for sharing this. I see you.

[@njcaron]

Olivia... You're wonderful for your honesty. So relatable...

[@StaceyySayys]

Thank you so much for sharing your story, this is so important, and sharing your story will help so many other girls get out of bad situations, and to help them heal from that past shame you described. I hope you continue to heal, and forgive yourself for something that was never your fault. 💖

[@sarahhill3537]

Wow, Olivia that was so raw! Thank you for sharing that incredibly difficult story. I hope it helped you too to talk about it and get it off of your chest. Your videos are so helpful to me as the mother of an autistic teen and you help my family to understand her more. We are watching all of your videos. My daughter won't watch them yet but I'm hoping that she will be able to bring herself to watch them soon because you are both so similar. Thank you so much from the bottom of my heart for making these amazing videos and helping so many people. I could see just how hard this video was for you. The pain was etched onto your face. I pray that you can recover from this in time. You are a survivor not a victim!! You survived!!! Im proud of you xxx

[@ryansuttree8054]

Olivia, thank you for your vulnerability and courage. I hope that sharing this helps you to not feel embarrassed or ashamed. This was not your fault. You were so young, having a hard time, and being autistic. You are bringing so much good into the world.

[@paulfleblanc]

Thanks Olivia !!! ... this cracked the code of mystery hanging over our heads 17 years ... truly the most life changing KZbin I've ever watched ... Thanks Again

[@inseparablesmusicvideoscha4256]

Thanks Olivia .. this is the most helpful video I've seen in a decade !!!!

[@ValkyrieRaven]

Something like this happened to me when I was really young as well and I’m so sorry this happened to you, it takes time to heal from something like this but you can absolutely do this. Sending you so much love 💗

[@gorillarawfare1963]

Thank you so much for sharing this Olivia. This has been very helpful for me to understand and come to terms with some of my past. I am a 39 year old male who realised 3 days ago that I am autistic. My step father abused me when I was a teenager and I have felt a lot of shame for taking so long to realise he was abusing me, your story has helped me realise I wouldn’t have had the social cues to understand what is appropriate, plus my people pleasing element.

[@kacey3646]

This is so important and not talked about enough

[@dimpsthealien333]

Thank you for your bravery in sharing your personal, private story. I'm sure it helps many people.

[@k.b.woodworker3250]

I'm so glad you have understood what happened to you. Grooming isn't always sexual, either. It can be financial, cults groom people, drug dealers groom people, it can be about control, etc. It can happen to anyone NTs or on the spectrum when they are vulnerable in some way, like after a major life event, divorce, going away to college, etc However, I'd suspect that people on the spectrum are much more often targets. Combined with not being good at reading social cues, people with autism have a harder time making friends, often like one-on-one relationships, and some other things you have said. Also more trusting of others' motives. This is a very valuable video. The good feelings for a former groomer often persist. One way to help overcome them is to think the opposite, disgust toward the person (don't let it be toward oneself), for instance is something that can be used to at least compete with those feelings, so every time those "good" feelings arise, consciously feeling disgust while thinking of the person can be helpful. Also bad feelings toward oneself can be turned toward the groomer (shame or guilt is what they should feel, for instance). So, to all of us: Be careful out there!

[@vmmegibow]

Thanks for sharing Olivia! Sorry that this happened to you!

[@teganbiscuit163]

Thank you from the bottom of my heart for this

[@KitKat_Kt]

I can only imagine that it was very hard for you to share an experience so personal, but thank you so much for doing so. It hasn't happened to me, but it's so important for people to share experiences like this, to help prevent others from having the same thing happening to them. What a gross human being he is, to do that to you and string you along, especially when he was in other relationships (and an engagement!) all the while. Urgh.

[@sharonquinn737]

Bless you. Thank you for sharing your intimate story about this abuse. Im so appreciative of you. 💖💖💖

[@MollyChappell]

Thank you for sharing your story. It's so helpful and reassuring. I'm likely ASD and I was manipulated by a similar type of man in my early 30's, luckily I went to a counselor who was able to identify and help me move through it. But I am a very different person in the world because of that experience. I hope you find your peace. Mine came and went for the last 10 years. Now the feeling of peace last longer than the other hurricane of emotions. You will get there too. You're already doing the work! Looking forward to your next video.

[@Monki4joy]

Hi Olivia, I want to thank you for this courageous and vulnerable sharing, which is for me one of the most important videos you've made so far, to help protect others from falling into the same trap. I've experienced my own version of what you describe and I will be sure to show this video to my daughter to help make her aware 🙏

[@happyjollyholly4455]

Thank you so much for this video, you have no idea how helpful just watching this today has been! I'm also Autistic and assigned female at birth and only in the past two days have been realizing that I went through something very similar from ages 12 to 15. Literal years of my life. I love how you highlighted in the end of your video some of the ways that make Autistic people more susceptible to this form of abuse and grooming in particular. Seriously, thank you so much. I wish you the best on your healing journey and want to reassure you that this was never your doing or your "fault." You're very brave and strong for sharing, and I am so proud of you. Keep up the good work. Lots of love, H

[@jalapenomargs]

Wow. Thank you for sharing your story!! It must have been incredibly difficult, and you're so courageous for doing so. I just wanted to say, you are most definitely NOT stupid. You said yourself to others, if this is happening to you, it is NOT your fault. You were a child, and any child is vulnerable, but being neurodiverse, makes you even more so. This person knew what they were doing and were clearly very skilled at it. I understand why you feel embarrassed, but you don't need to. You're strong, smart and very brave. I hope you're able to forgive yourself for doing the best you can at that time, with the information you had.

[@_latrixsolix44_35]

Thank you for sharing your story about grooming. I'm so sorry the person who did the things he did had no remorse about keeping you on the hook - I can personally say I've experienced a similar situation with an older boy I used to work with at the time. The inappropriateness this person got me to agree and go along with got to a degree that I still feel ashamed to think of to this day of how many times I fell back into the stupid honey pot traps he'd leave for me.

[@explodingdog]

That is just so sick and twisted, thank you for telling your story, for me it helps me too to know that it wasn't my fault and I'm not alone in this, giving some of my mental strength back. I'm getting so tired of being lied to by people and not understanding why nearly everyone is lying about important things and unimportant things so much. People in the comments are right, they definitely need to teach children about this in an understandable way at school to prevent as much as possible and help them protect themselves better. I know it's not all the school's job but I wish someone would help kids because a lot of parents just don't care, mine didn't for sure, or others might be too busy I don't know..

[@OliviaHops]

I'm so sorry this happened to you as well. But yes, it is NOT your fault. I know it's so much easier to say to someone else than to believe yourself, clearly I'm in that boat. But reading all of this amazing comments has already helped me feel a little better, and I'm so glad my video could make you feel a little better. God Bless 💙

[@caitlinhouse4919]

Olivia, thank you so much for sharing. And you're correct, this isn't talked about enough and I'm really glad you shared your story. The way you told it was helpful too because it shows the way in which an adult could groom a child. Some of the signs were so subtle... I had one question that came to mind when you talked about the guilt you are experiencing years later: If you were making an agreement with someone and they did not disclose all of their intentions, but just showed you the benefits of the agreement, would you be at fault for not knowing their hidden intent? I ask this because I feel that you are absolutely not at fault because this groomer concealed his true intentions and put on the mask of someone who cared. You only responded to what appeared to be a friendship/ mentorship. Again, thank you so much for sharing.

[@jomarch1645]

Thank you for sharing your story. Your final thoughts about autism and older people are really on point. It reminder me of a situation I experienced, that was so close to becoming grooming. When I was in college, I lived in dorms (most of us had single private rooms) and I socialized with a lot of people. Some were international studients and a few of this group were older (I was 17-18 and this man in particular was in his late thirties). I had this naive concept of college, that it was a place to share ideas and to met people of different backgrounds and opinions. I spent some afternooms (less than 10 maybe) in this older guy's room, just talking, like I did with other people and groups. There was really nothing going on, we talked history and philosophy. Until he told me he dreamed about me... Then clarified that this was a "awoken dream". I left his room and never talked to him again. I thought I could be friend with a man, with people older than me. I was so disapointed, I felt cheated but I knew it was no my fault, appart from maybe my naivety.

[@krsextonart]

Thank you so much for having the courage to share. I’m recently diagnosed AuDHD which makes me even angrier about my history of grooming and sexual abuse. I’ve been working up the courage to share my truth. Thank you for making me feel less alone ❤

[@pppotatoes]

you’re not stupid. not at all. and you still aren’t over what happened because it seems you were deeply traumatized by your experience. it will take a lot of time and effort to be at a place where you can feel peace around this. i was abused in high school/early college and i really understand where you’re coming from. thank you for sharing and i am wishing you lots of love and healing 💗

[@kimberleykooijman5848]

I very much relate, also since I was 15. Obsessedly in love, with unavailable "boys" and the situation you've meantioned just litterly happened to me and got me hooked + completely burned out for 4 years now. The story about the proposal also triggered some PTSD, from opening up fb and seeing they just bought a house... felt the same way. I'm truly happy to hear you are in a happy relationship. That gives me hope. I learned a lot about co-dependency and narcisism in the last years and am also on the spiritual path, doing lots of healing. So happy for you you got saved from the Disney trip. Thank you for your vulnarable sharing ❤ Bless your beautiful soul

[@MattGaetzOnAWhiteFordBronco]

The folks that are educators and healthcare professionals know this: *we literally have to swat away men from young ladies,* especially when physically attractive, because they *will go after them.* It's F-ing non-stop!! Even parents from other children will take the bait to garner *anything* from these girls - a big smile, a blush, or seeing you in "regular" clothes in out-of-school settings, like the local coffee shop, even with the parents present!! Having a developmental disorder is a major risk factor. What works as prevention *and* treatment? *Having involved, responsible adults that are supervised.* Parents: teach your children about sexuality, what's appropriate and what's not. Chatting with an older, adult male is a big freaking no-no! Ask your children about their online friends. Check their damn phones. And always get healthcare professionals involved!

[@christinecaronnabeard1369]

👏👏👏👏👏👏👏

[@MattGaetzOnAWhiteFordBronco]

@@christinecaronnabeard1369- the most common reason "responsible adults" are the last ones to know? *"We didn't want to get them into trouble" or "Everyone does it" or "Live and learn, that's not your business."* 🤦 Damn it, yes it is!!

[@EMILYHERRERA]

@@MattGaetzOnAWhiteFordBronco it's so hard when a child doesn't really have any "responsible adults" to step in or even tell them this is wrong. Worse when their parents co-sign it. 😭

[@MomontheSpectrum]

Thank you so much for your vulnerability! I know after posting something like this there can be a lot of conflicting emotions and questioning. You are helping many! And thanks for being honest about not feeling like making videos sometimes. I feel the same way!

[@kittylynx8911]

I wanted to say you are so brave to share this I've had something similar situation and this hit home to me thankyou for this video

[@rachelhartzell8979]

Hey, thanks for sharing your story! You definitely have absolutely no reason to be ashamed or embarrassed. If you swapped him out for a boy your own age, there wouldn't be anything weird or inappropriate about this story. Your behavior was 100% normal and healthy for a teenage girl. The only behavior that was inappropriate was his. There is nothing wrong with being young and naive, we can't be born knowing these things and you did nothing wrong!

[@kittylewis1252]

Thank you for sharing. There are so many girls who need to know about this. I think it is so easy to be manipulated by someone who is trying to use and deceive you. It takes a lot of courage to share such personal information, but you may well prevent an innocent person from being used and abused.

[@thelaxanddarshow4116]

You are so brave! I hope sharing this helped relieve you of the shame. I was the same way as far as reading texts all the time and being obsessive.

[@viviancovington7813]

Oh my goodness, I am so sorry that happened to you. I went through something similar. You are very brave and your story has helped me. Thanks.

[@OliviaHops]

I'm so honored my video could help you. That is the biggest compliment!! I'm so sorry this happened to you, too. Stay strong 💙

[@andrealewis3638]

Thank you for this Olivia, may God bless and keep you.

[@OliviaHops]

Thank you so much, Andrea! God Bless you!! 💙

[@anneveronica6231]

Hey Olivia - you could do EMDR for the trauma of this and be right much more quickly! Don’t wait 10 years to feel better! Thanks for sharing and understanding so fully your vulnerability.

[@andreah6379]

Olivia, thank you for sharing. I am sorry to hear of your on-going nightmare. Please don't ever feel ashamed or embarrassed! There isn't one person on this earth that hasn't been compromised or played with by someone who is predatory or just plain cruel. I always hear how we all have to take something from our bad life experiences and learn from them. The good thing is, you are now aware of ppl like this predator coach & won't fall for that kind of manipulation ever again. And that's good! Because I have been a loner (happily!) all my life basically whenever I am down, I look to stay busy with things that make me feel better. Things I love to do & know I exceed in it. You can focus on yourself & pat yourself on your back knowing something YOU DO is GREAT. I am 66yo. I know that young ppl, like yourself can help feel better about themselves when they pursue a project that rewards them--makes them feel valued. What might that be for you? I hope you find your way. Life is too short to spend it in regret & frightful memories.

[@kathleenwildman9427]

I think you are remarkable and brave for sharing this. I’m sorry this happened to you. Thank you for your bravery in doing this. I believe it will help a lot of people.

[@jaw147]

Bless you and thank you for being so brave and humble to tell us all these details. It has helped me a lot. I too was groomed at age 10 by a minister and I was not diagnosed with my life-long multiple neuro-divergent traits until I was 57, and now at age 64 I am still dealing with the after-effects of all this. I am sure there are many others watching your video who are finding it helpful even though they might not all comment here to let you know. I feel optimistic that you are on a more healing path than my life took, so please don't let my case worry you about wondering how long things may take for you. You are doing a great job in this area, as well as in so many other areas that you make videos about.

[@Milklatte]

You are very brave for telling your story. I can relate to not catching the queues of someone much older and showing such interest on me. It wasnt grooming but still, just missed out on all the supposed obvious ways he was showing interest on me. Youll recover... takes time but you are doing it lady!

[@anotherplanet5828]

(Trigger warning/rape) He is a textbook narcissist. He love bombed and groomed you but you never let it get physical so you are stronger and braver thank you realize. I’m autistic (now 55) and couldn’t read people either. I got used by an older guy who gave me drugs that sedated me so he and his friends could rape me while I was out of it. I felt guilty and ashamed for decades. But we have nothing to be ashamed of, sweet one. Nothing to feel guilty about. Thank you for speaking about it so openly and courageously about this issue. TO ALL UNDERAGE GIRLS: if a guy appears too good to be true, he is probably a narcissist or a predator. Learn everything you can about how to confidently say no and quickly deter these sinister cretins. If they appear jealous or possessive, RUN! Don’t do what I did and think it was a compliment. It’s not. Jealousy = insecurity. Honor your beautiful selves enough to have high standards and don’t fall for narcs! Love to all my au-some kindred spirits out there. Stay safe and smart. ♥️

[@smasherjosh5000]

It's very difficult for women to leave dark triad men, due to the emotions and unpredictability he gives them as women are emotional creatures

[@Heidi5353]

Thank you for sharing your story, I hope and believe that it could be helpful to so many people

[@taliaasims]

This is great information for everyone!

[@nialloyd4642]

So brave of you. Thanks for sharing x

[@nialloyd4642]

This happened to me recently and I am 60 yrs!!! Not illegal but the theory and practice the same.

[@NinkaNinusify]

You are so incredibly brave. Thank you so much 💝

[@carolgibson-wilson4354]

You are very brave. Talking about betrayal is hard, not difficult, because we reveal something deeply emotional. Thank you.

[@emilypanda5959]

I'm so sorry that happened to you. It's so common for autistic girls to be taken advantage of for so many reasons. I was also abused when I was a teen. For me it was three different boys a similar age to me, but I was younger emotionally/developmentally and they didn't listen when is said no. It took me a long time to understand that it was wrong of them as I had so much guilt and shame. The more girls (and parents) aware of this, the better, as prevention is so important. Sending hugs 💕

[@MsMao1952]

This will heal but will leave a scar, and always subject to being stirred up. It'll always poke its way into any relationship you have but as an autistic person who has spent their entire life developing coping skills, your strength will prevail. Love your videos, thank you for those. I'm 71 and autism in my life was applied only to people who are severely walled off. So figuring myself out has been a super slow process.

[@keeleyalohna3889]

You are not pathetic Olivia. You were a child and an adult took advantage of you. That’s it. I’m so so sorry this happened to you. You were a child and you should’ve been protected. This is not your burden to hold, but the scars that it leaves are so valid. We all stand with you

[@OliviaHops]

Thank you so much for this kind comment, Keeley 💙 you just made me feel so wonderful. Your kindness means so much to me. Thank you for taking the time to write this comment. God Bless 💙