I wrote a song about my bipolar psychosis.

In today's video I'm opening up about my psychosis, an episode I had a few months ago, and how I seem to have just gotten out of hypomania to write a song about it. For the last 2 weeks I've been going through some really intense mental health struggles with anxiety & trying to be super productive (yet failing). It wasn't until my meeting with my psychiatrist that the possibility was brought up I may have been in the middle of a manic / hypomanic episode. The time was so stressful that I was losing my sense of self every night, drowned in these anxious thoughts, questioning who I was. Until one morning I thought, instead of working on my usual work in this studio session, I'd try to write my way out of it by making a song on the spot. This is how I cope with bipolar disorder with psychotic features.
🔥 My new song: koji.to/iamlxgend
🔴 Master & release your music: bit.ly/JoinLANDR
🔥 SUBSCRIBE: goo.gl/wX2GU1
✅ MY MUSIC GEAR: kit.co/LXGEND/...
✅ MY VIDEO GEAR: kit.co/LXGEND/...
Edited with Gling AI: bit.ly/46bGeYv
Color Graded in Final Cut Pro X w/ Color Finale
Thanks for watching.
Lxgend (aka IAMLXGEND)

[@CueEm]

Psychosis is hard a shit brother. On this ride with you. Thankfully haven’t had an episode in over a year.. but the shit is hard af to comeback from at times .. bipolar was brought up in convo yesterday and it tore up so much trauma .. this song is phenomenal man. Keep pursuing your dreams and don’t not trust your pursuit.. go high and have a team around u so u don’t go too far gone into mania etc.. ride the waves and allow urself to enjoy the upbeat shit.. trust urself man.. but have ppl around u man

[@EllieNixchole17]

This is a few months later, but I’m so damn happy for you not having an episode for over a year. In my opinion, it’s the best feeling in life. You can actually function and enjoy waking up and getting what you need to do done vs being an episode and nothing can go right. Constant fear, being uncomfortable, the anxiety and over thinking 24/7. You might (in my case! Everyone is different!) get 15 minutes of feeling fine and then out of nowhere you feel that fear you were fearing over once again. In my case it’s over the absolute dumbest shit and things that aren’t even important and have nothing to do with anything. It’s shit and constantly overthinking and wondering “when is this going to end? Why am I feeling this way? What is going to happen next? I’m never going to get better.” I wish the best of luck in this world and realistically, it can’t and won’t last forever being in episodes. It’s just time and patience and I have no patience at all.

[@LVEMRE]

Stay strong brother! Keep clawing and pushing through, you have my number.

[@IAMLXGEND]

Clawing and climbing out of the hole I’ve been in. In the words of Nina Simone: here comes the sun!! ☀️

[@Creative_Spasciz]

Bro, just know we hear with you through it all!! We are not just community....we the community's family!!! Keep pushing bro!! Love how transparent you are. These are moments where God can step in and be God!! Love it bro and I will continue praying for you as I pray for myself!!! Love bro!!

[@IAMLXGEND]

All love and I appreciate comments like this. Supportive and in line with exactly what I believe this community/family here is about. Always LXGENDARY. ☀️☀️

[@Victoria.247]

I tried to reply on a realistic level it wouldn't let me .. but I'm here with you and you are never alone . God bless you you and your fiance.. just you making music means the world to everyone with bipolar or any dibilatating mental disorder, Thank God for the people who are greatly loving and appreciative of music you make to touch people like us and people who are very affected by the similarities.. PTSD is a struggle days nights and throughout it never leaves. I've realized .. music does help me . Again never give up!! Never thrown away, you got a gift, I can see you in so many successful ways!! I bet you'll be the best father that thinks about everyone not just themselves. Give it to God, He will give you rest and all who are burdened and weary he will give you rest. You do need extra help. Psychiatrist therapy will always help. Support understanding is the #1 that are near you days nights and stay by your side through it all understanding and relating that is the ultimate best partner trust you can have remember that give it all but don't give it all away control can be scary with someone especially when trust issues can play in, it doesn't matter if there's reasons but it does matter they understand what you go through daily as a human. That is the main thing they have to understand and be with you all in it for the real bad and ugly .. all the above. I can tell you a gentle soul you deserve best be careful.

[@TheOpenBookPolicy]

Thank you for opening up to share your story. We appreciate your vulnerability.. The song is beautiful. We look forward to hearing more of what you make out of the building material you’ve been given to work with. Sometimes dark times is just a blessing in disguise. ✨ Hold on to these 🤍 Jeremiah 17:9 proverbs 3:5

[@IAMLXGEND]

I believe it and I appreciate this comment a lot 🙏🏾 it’s definitely weird to experience and even weirder to share but somehow I find resolution in expressing what I go through.

[@MomVNatural]

The words you sang in the song during that time were manifested through you singing them out loud. That's one reason why you began to feel better also in addition to moving things around a bit. Words are things. Words operate in the spirit realm. They are not just words. Words bring life to things. The bible says what we speak actually changes the course of nature. Write, speak and sing more freedom, victorious and successful lyrics. It will change lots of things in your life. Go for it! I know freedom from many things are coming for you. A mother always knows. I love you! ❤

[@IAMLXGEND]

A lot of my life has been this way so I shouldn’t be surprised. It’s remarkable how things can work out so therapeutically and in one’s favor. I forget sometimes to do these things for the sake of just spending time in the craft and atmosphere rather than solely for work. That was a major change as well

[@Victoria.247]

❤ God bless you you are a 💎 in the ough but you are beyond what you know bipolar is not a set back it can make more of a person than anyone so please realize you have a real talent and give that to God if you believe I hope you do because he is with you. He will guide you every time .. believe he does have you and your fans do so don't let it go let it show God's got you and everyone should know and your amazing yo let this out and not hold back God going to guide you to the point alway💗 I feel like a paranoid. Persona lot sometimes ppl say oh no hat normal to feel your neighbors in your apartment is judging but idk my doctor recently diagnosed me with BP#1 I have no idea she went off it goes through my family lines. I felt she focused to much I really do not know. I HAVE TO Say YOU HAVE Beautiful MUSIC .. NOTHING VIOLENT NOTHING UGLY,ANGRY,OR NEGATIVE. SEEMS LIKE YOUR DOING OK. AMEN YOU DO HAVE TO TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF AND IT DOES HAVE TO BE PAID #1

[@davidlampmanmusic]

Your vulnerability is powerful, sir. I relate to a lot of this and can appreciate it. Hospitalizations and all over here brother 😩

[@IAMLXGEND]

Man thank you for saying this. Sometimes it worries me if I'm sharing too much or going too deep but then I see messages like this and it inspires me to continue the journey.

[@davidlampmanmusic]

@IAMLXGEND I’ve been on every single med out there and there’s nothing like music to get that dopamine back..the stuff the anti-psychotics like to block. Manic episodes are filled with fear, and it’s caused me to shy away from creating, I think because I never liked realizing who I showed everyone I became once I became stable. This content was just a shock to me because I always had to hibernate until I felt like myself again, and you kept working instead. I think the video will help others not bury their creativity when things get rough.

[@bfatalproductions7550]

SALUTE to you Sir, for having the courage to expose your mental health issues to the world. This may be a part of your calling, to help others in your same situation. Let me know if you need anything, I will do my best to make it happen. Peace be still.

[@llakekidd]

bro we are all a big lxgend family, we all love you and we all appreciate you, so deep vibes bro i feel it by my heart, love you ❤

[@IAMLXGEND]

Lxgendary comment 🙏🏾☀️💯💯 thank you for this

[@AnthonyRocker]

In the middle of going through so much, you find your originality. I can relate so much with what your going through. I am going to keep praying for you bro I am here and we hear you and we care sending you positive energy and vibes 🙏 💯 💜

[@maivumusic]

Damn, that song is beautiful... you took that pain and turned it into art.. Im sure it will speak to a lot of people.. without darkness there is no light, I wish you will get better soon! 🙏

[@IAMLXGEND]

HUGE line there: without darkness there is no light. Can’t appreciate one thing unless the opposite exists. So in a way I embrace the lows in sharing them so that when the highs do come, they are valued and appreciated even more. Thank you for listening 🙏🏾

[@AustinHollingerOfficial]

@@IAMLXGEND it's only a hook, but I hope that we hear a full song eventually. This is great!

[@Lawson2212]

Keep staying strong bro we are here with you doing this journey!! We love you! ❤️

[@DJMotion9]

Wow I could relate to you bro I had psychosis when I was 17 this was really inspiring fr brother

[@IAMLXGEND]

I'm beyond glad you feel that way and that's a wild experience to have a such a young age. I couldn't imagine. (or maybe I could)

[@DJMotion9]

@@IAMLXGEND surviving it for the mentally strong. Luke 17:33 we still here!

[@IAMLXGEND]

Gave me a new verse I can study today 🙌🏾

[@nayaleezy]

putting blankets over windows is just good sound absorption skillplay, I'm for it

[@torrezfez3033]

i battle with ptsd and depression , i feel your struggle bro. We got this !

[@IAMLXGEND]

I can hear it in the music you make man, the feeling your pour into your music & storytelling in the lyrics shows a lot. We definitely got this 🙏🏾

[@torrezfez3033]

@@IAMLXGEND I got faith in you bro keep pushing , music and in life I know you can do it ! im excited to hear your next song.

[@VX3XINV]

This song is beautiful! I need to hear all of it. Thank you for sharing all of these moments. 🤍

[@IAMLXGEND]

Once it’s done, you shall. I can’t say when that will be as I like to work when the flow is prime but in time!

[@jaqndabox]

Peace and Blessings to you

[@IAMLXGEND]

All out to you too my friend ☀️🙏🏾

[@GwapSkully]

Love the video thank u for sharing your story your r truly a gifted artist

[@IAMLXGEND]

Thank you so much for this 🙏🏾 you’re awesome for hearing my messageb

[@iampray3463]

When you shared that your window is covered by a sheet, I too have created darkness in my room. Ty for sharing and I hope you live the best life possible.

[@IAMLXGEND]

Darkness and disconnection from the outside world made me feel so safe. Didn’t think I’d ever share it but I’m glad it has resonated and thank you for listening

[@iampray3463]

@IAMLXGEND I failed to mention that the song made me feel at ease. You are very gifted and talented.

[@grooms5566]

I need this song... I have bipolar and I'm struggling so much. Have you released this??

[@danxchap]

Appreciate you’re vulnerability man, seeing another artist managing bipolar is helping me on my journey. Praying for the best 🙏🏾

[@cyanopsiaartist]

I'm so sorry you went through that bro. This must've been a really tough video to make. Just know (I'm sure you know already) that NONE of this is your fault, and you're NOT being selfish or a drama queen for sharing this. You don't owe it to us, but I'm grateful you shared these personal moments 💙💙💙 Atm, I'm going through a major depressive/anxious episode, one of the worst I've ever had. Feeling like a failure, worthless, unmotivated, unloved, untrusting, uncomfortable, and selfish for daring to feel those things. But, while it didn't cure it, this idea made me feel less alone. Thank you bro ^-^ Stay LXGENDARY

[@IAMLXGEND]

Funniest thing is I always feel like people will think I am a drama Queen when I do share these moments but it’s encouraging to hear the opposite. Expression is one of the major ways I cope and I’m sure I said that before but it helps a lot when people listen to and hear me. I’m glad to have been there for you in your moment of depression as well. This is exactly what I hope for when I post these. If not to help by ridding someone of the anguish they feel then at least being there to relate to them and feel less alone. It’s what I seek for as well. 🙏🏾 Always LXGENDARY

[@Prod.AgileVisionz]

You’re very strong for sharing this. I’ve been battling with the same exact thing for 4 years. I was misdiagnosed with schizophrenia at first so the medicine they put me on basically made me a zombie. Now I’m on invega and I haven’t been in the hospital in 2 years and I honestly don’t think I’ll be back, I had to learn to balance my music with other activities and make sure I get sleep every night. I went to the hospital 5 times in a 2 years span. I gained 150 pounds, I used to be 180. You can get through this bro I promise, it just takes learning coping methods to relax the brain and not overstimulating and I know it’s hard cause we do music so our brain is constantly on 100% there’s light at the end of the tunnel and when you get there you’ll have acquired strength that is out of this world. I don’t know how your day is structured but the sun has been doing wonders for me I’ve been walking 7 miles a day the most I’ve walked all my life and Ive been feeling amazing. The thing that I learned as I’ve gotten older is fresh air, friends, exercise, eating right, drinking lots of water, staying away from too much social media, getting the right amount of sleep etc. all play a big part in us controlling our disorders. Mine might not be as severe but 2 years ago I could say I was at the Lowest point in my life mentally. I believe in you bro rs you can do this it’s a everyday battle but with the right support and coping methods mental health doesn’t have to control our lives. It’s love brother 💯💯

[@IAMLXGEND]

Appreciate you tons for sharing this. There are a lot of things I’ve learned that even I can do more of. I get out and get some sun each morning but normally max it’s like 45 minutes a day. 7 miles is CRAZY. I used to do 3 max but it’s been years since then and maybe that is something I need to bring back in. Funnily enough I did speak with my therapist yesterday about different ways to cope physically. Ways I haven’t tried before so that’ll do well for me too. Thank you for sharing ur story in this and all. They are worries I’ve had in my own journey and even of the anxious thoughts I’ve had too. Seeing myself start to gain a little bit of weight (not too much) but your mind takes it to the extreme or realizing when you aren’t coping well at all. I’m still learning and observing but that’s all we can do. Adapt as we learn. 💯☀️🙏🏾

[@Prod.AgileVisionz]

@@IAMLXGEND anytime bro you got this you are an inspiration more than imaginable 💯✨ I’ve always wanted to do the things your doing but just never built up the confidence to get on camera and talk about it, this video means so much to soo many people like us 💪 never change bro you are a bright light☀️ stay blessed 🖤

[@thebackpackengineer]

I hope you release that song. I'm sure it'll touch a lot of people. God bless

[@nayaleezy]

that thing you're floating in and coping with, sometimes I wonder if I should get a job in retail, somewhere that puts me face to face, hand to hand with a stream of humans.

[@madhousefamily2918]

This song is beautiful

[@Qwemptodon]

Is this song on any Platform?

[@IAMLXGEND]

I haven’t finished it yet

[@Qwemptodon]

@@IAMLXGEND bro u make good music I’m trying to produce my self also ..if I check my page ..maybe in the future we can make some music ..but please finish this song up

[@jaysharpESQ]

Sounds really good man, I like the melody a lot and the way you sing it with your voice. Airport song and write music too and sing a bit all that, question is that a guitar I hear over dubbed in the background with the chorus effect on it? If it's not I'm guessing it's a synth or keyboard tryin to be fingerpicked gtr🎸

[@Disisions]

🔥 can you do a video on how you layered and mixed the track? Amazing 💪🏽

[@IAMLXGEND]

I can indeed.

[@Disisions]

Thanks 🙏

[@professuhx504]

🔥🔥🔥🔥

[@thedabing-prodigy229]

Hey I wanted to ask, is it better to write the song first and then make the instrumental or make the instrumental and then write the lyrics

[@IAMLXGEND]

That depends entirely on you. I can’t speak for what’s best for you. I do both. Just depends what I feel

[@thedabing-prodigy229]

@@IAMLXGEND I see bc I’m kind of finishing it difficult to make a instrumental on my part

[@thedabing-prodigy229]

@@IAMLXGEND if I’m being honest since I’m new I don’t know where to start

[@IAMLXGEND]

If that part is difficult then try starting with the lyrics and melody first and see if you can craft an instrumental around the beat. Whatever ur strong point is, start there, let that be the foundation, and then go from there

[@thedabing-prodigy229]

@@IAMLXGEND ok thank you

[@diaet]

bipolar affective disorder feels psychotic but isn't, though manic episodes are tough...

[@IAMLXGEND]

I have bipolar with psychotic features. So it is indeed...psychotic.

[@djnnstrumentalz3661]

Jesus is the way my friend! He will help you through it! Call on him and you will be saved

[@IAMLXGEND]

I’ve been the organist at my church for 26 years and a pastors son for 33.