If Chocolate Ads Were Honest | Honest Ads

What if chocolate companies like Hershey's, Nestle, Mars, and others were actually honest about how horrifically terrible they are? Roger Horton investigates.
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SOURCES:
www.globenewswire.com/en/news...
www.bbc.com/news/business-516...
www.washingtonpost.com/graphi...
www.thechocolatejournalist.co...
www.theguardian.com/lifeandst...
www.consumeraffairs.com/news/...
splinternews.com/corporate-am...
www.huffpost.com/entry/chocol...
news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/health/655...
vertavahealth.com/cocaine/men...
theweek.com/tucker-carlson/10...
www.theguardian.com/environme...
Roger Horton: Jack Hunter
Fairly Compensated Employee: Jordan Breeding
Chocolate Lady: Anna Breeding
Sexy Chocolate Animator: Pablo Hernan Blua
Writer: Cezary Jan Strusiewicz
Director: Jordan Breeding
Art Director/Assistant Director: Andy Newman
Director of Photography: Dave Brown
Editors: Jordan Breeding, Dave Brown
Sound: Mike Schoen
Cezary's Twitter: / ostrichson
Jordan’s Twitter: / the_j_breeding
Jordan's KZbin Channel: / @drjordanbreeding
Dave’s Instagram: / deforestbrown
00:00 - Sexy Chocolate Ad
00:53 - If Chocolate Was Honest
04:32 - Still Good!
#Chocolate #Hershey #Nestle

[@kdot4068]

The person who does the writing for these skits deserves a Nobel Prize in writing.

[@thegreenthunder5416]

Now I gotta know what a video called If Noble Prizes Were Honest looked like

[@Ding471]

@@thegreenthunder5416 i know, I know... it's bunch of gay's doing each other when the world ain't looking and when they want an orgy there is the Noble Piss Price, where most will be pissed upon by this one, two or a few selected including the board of pisser's

[@BullwinkleFFMn]

yeah this is one of the best. Why the hell didn't Cracked make their own TV show like MAD did. I always bought MAD when i was a kid but this is FAR better than MAD TV ever was.

[@Steve_in_NJ]

@@BullwinkleFFMn Who needs the expense of making a TV show when there's KZbin?

[@itsoktobehappy461]

Not exactly accurate many times, but Roger is funny

[@steamfans]

The factory employees in Hershey Pennsylvania literally rioted over low wages back in the day

[@bcubed72]

I can just imagine all the little Oompa-Loompas walking the picket line, like tiny little singing penguins...

[@SIS3W3N]

Pretty sure Hershey's is also the number one offender on the butyric acid.

[@sd-ch2cq]

He's talking about the modern slaves in Africa that harvest the cacoa

[@hackerx7329]

@@SIS3W3N They don't actually add any, it is naturally occurring in the milk because they use a light fermentation process. These days it is just because it is their tradition formula/process but when they started it was used because it helped the chocolate last longer so it could be shipped all over the country long before modern food preservatives were created or refrigerated food transport trucks and trains that could get stuff to the other side of the country before it would go bad. Other chocolate companies could only sell their products in limited areas back then. Why they still use that same process for all their milk chocolate is a mystery to me.

[@wurly164]

If it tastes good, it's good for you.

[@Toberumono]

Actually, one of the largest studies about how chocolate is good for you wasn’t published by a chocolate company (directly or indirectly). It was published by a guy trying to make a point about how easy it was to get a fraudulent paper published. Sadly, the demonstration worked far too well. Edit because people cannot read the replies with the source: John Bohannon’s “study” called, “Chocolate with high Cocoa content as a weight-loss accelerator” is the study I’m referring to.

[@kucimaka8092]

nice argument Senator, why don't you back it up with a source?

[@greebj]

@@kucimaka8092 I used this obscure thing called Google to find a ton of articles about it in a shorter time than you took to type your lazy sarcastic whiny comment demanding a source

[@BigAutisticDaddy]

so chocolate, even in its most bitter form without any sugar, provide almost no nutritional value?

[@Toberumono]

@@BigAutisticDaddy I didn’t say that. But, there is a large difference between, “nutritional value” and “good for you”. Technically speaking, even soda has nutritional value (diet soda does not, which is terrifying if you think about it)

[@becauseidonthavenitrotoupl4259]

@@kucimaka8092 My "source" is that I made it the fuck up!

[@devilkitty6725]

When I was a teenager I worked at a local candy store, where everything was made on site and they encouraged us to try everything so we could tell the customers how good it was. They were right, the chocolate at that place was INCREDIBLE and for about a year afterward all commercial chocolate just tasted like brown crayons.

[@pinkfluffyunicornishotaf]

did u notice any slavery?

[@jasonblalock4429]

Is there any chance you could do a straight up "If Nestle ads were honest"? Because Nestle is just the worst.

[@bryangoodwin6579]

Look at the title. Specifically what's in parentheses.

[@annt.7785]

😭😭😭😭

[@jasonblalock4429]

@@bryangoodwin6579 Nestle is MUCH more than chocolate. That's the point.

[@bellatordei3440]

They can't say the corporations name

[@johncbeer]

@@jasonblalock4429 Damn right. Way more than chocolate. In bed with China who has bought their entire water production and more. Plus I'll never forget the shit they pulled in the 70s, convincing women in 3rd world countries that their sugar packed baby formula was healthier than breast milk. There's a vast section of hell reserved for Nestle execs.

[@Jalbesbe]

I love how they get the point out about almost all chocolate is farmed using slavery, but technically not slavery because they are paid, except worse than slavery because they are paid so little they can't meet there basic needs and often many kick the bucket.

[@Eteric]

Just want to note for those not getting it, this also makes many Americans slaves since they can't meet basic needs.

[@CD-vb9fi]

@@Eteric So hold on... not being able to meet basic needs is the benchmark for being a slave or not? Great so I can just steal a whole human and give them all their basic needs and whamo... not a slave anymore! You people are literally too stupid to solve problems because you don't even understand anything. Slavery is not being unable to meet basic needs. Some of these people are "real" slaves... but you are watering what that means down because you like most others here are a bunch of virtue signalling clowns with so many vanity morals you can't keep track of them all to the point where you are just a pathetic ball of hypocrisy. Keep blowing that hot air folks... Global Warming needs a boost!

[@Salted_Fysh]

@@Eteric no. Please don't try to relativize slavery? That being said, the US is still a backwater country when it comes to labour laws and public services.

[@3_up_moon]

@@Salted_Fysh wake up to the reality of life in America today.

[@Jerharris90]

Eh, nope. I can take $1,000 to one of those little towns and live for months. They get paid what they need. If you don’t like it, you should open your own factory and pay them more, because without the ones they have now, they would ALL starve. Idiot.

[@ozziefern2738]

I love that Jordan gets his wife to be in these. I really hope that whole family is massively monetarily successful, I enjoy the fuck out of these

[@hazukichanx408]

Or we could just wish them a stable, comfortable economic situation instead of excessive wealth, and maybe their kids won't grow up as money-gorged, attention-starved, insufferable reality TV fodder. That said, yes, they are enjoyable and educational.^^

[@Angry-Lynx]

that his wife? holy shit she hot! ;

[@swarnendubose2700]

Wait , is that really his wife?... i thought she was his daughter

[@cracked]

This is the kindest thing anybody has said on this channel, though I actually agree with Hazukichan that money isn't at all what I'm after (other than, like, I'd prefer for my kids not to starve and stuff). Also Swarnedu, HOW OLD DO YOU THINK I AM!?

[@theprinterdude9687]

Next video: "If your wife was honest" *insert cringy facebook minion meme*

[@jacobmyrick2961]

He’s pretty good at making people not like anything

[@MarionStevensJr]

As always, these are pure gold. How about doing one about the music industry? Actually,there's enough shady business practices there for an entire series.

[@MariaBareiss]

Good heavens that's some truth right there.

[@d-resmin]

you don't like our music because it's good. it's mediocre at best, but we make you hear it so many times, you think you like it.

[@man_on_wheelz]

Yeah, I know a lady who actually got offered to sign with a label and turned it down because she realized the music industry just truly isn’t for her. Very shady practices, didn’t want to be a part of that.

[@DashingSteel]

He did one on music festivals. I'm pretty sure it mentions how Labels barely pay their stars now and a lot of them barely break even with touring.

[@guiltybastard7859]

Yes, that would be great.

[@mtn_sivliu]

This is pure gold. Thanks Horton for curing my chocolate needs, at least for today.

[@justinwatson1510]

Tony’s Chocolonely makes Fair Trade Certified chocolate, as does Theo.

[@dgerdi]

🤣👍🏻

[@dominicfucinari1942]

How much worse could dark chocolate be for you than milk chocolate? Because I thought I, for one, was having fewer problems with dark.

[@chadnorris8257]

I love that she's sitting on the counter. That is a mood.

[@unkledoda420]

You gotta be having a f*cked up day to just sit on the kitchen counter like it's a normal thing to do. Does her 4 walls with a different wall on top not have another window that she can stare out of?

[@markrothenbuhler6232]

Did we ever get a Horton Honest Ad "If Cracked Were Honest"? That'd be pure chocolate bliss!

[@pink_magical_girl]

They don't want that smoke 🤣

[@dezh6345]

If Facebook were honest. 🤣🤣🤣

[@cracked]

Honestly... I've very much considered it.

[@ClintonKE]

@@cracked do it

[@metamorphicorder]

@@cracked if you do please address the theme park episode claim of "theme parks pay their employees so little that the "have to live in motels" claim" That one really bothered me as to how blatantly dishonest and oversimplified it is. Saying this as someone who has and i currently lives in a motel, i can tell you even in a place where the cost of living isnt super high and im not exactly low paid, living in a motel isnt something someone who is paid low can afford by themselves. Its not a commentary on how theme parks pay people low. Its a commentary on how difficult housing can be to get in the US. And im not the typical eat the rich, seize the means of production and burn the landlords person. Im not for any of that. But there are practices in place in housing that can put someone in the non traditional housing sector and once there it can be really hard to get back into the traditional housing sector. For instance, for what i pay in motel rent, or less, i could hoenstly have a mortgate and be owning my own home. That has not much to do with how much i make. I make the money. But what i dont have is credit. Which is what is required to get traditional mortgages. A job is only one part of credit. I have a good job. But i havent always. I also have bad credit factors in my past. This isnt my employers responsobility to pay me enough that i can somehow pay off all my old bills and have a white picket fence in front of a nice picture book house. Its not the money that they are making or not that causes them to live in motels. Not by itself. Also not everyone who lives in a motel does so because thats all they can get. In many cases thats a lifestyle choice of its own for reasons other than income. Some people actually choose to live like that simply because the 9 to 5 cookie cutter perfect house and wife and 2.5 and a dog isnt for them. Motels are weekly monthly, or even nightly. If you decide that you want to transfer to a different city with your company you now dont have a crap ton of stuff to figure out to do that. You put in for the transfer and it gets approved and you load up your car and drive. If you schedule it right you dont even give up any nights at the motel. And if you live in motels right, its even possible that if you are on their preferred guests program or whatever they call it, you might even be able to transfer remaining days from one to another. No stupid deposits, putting your home up for sale, no lease to negotiate out of, or back into on the other side. But its not just because theme parks pay so little. If someone is living in a motel they may actually be paying more than someone paying a mortgage.

[@thexreaper6930]

Do you love society and all the things you enjoy about it? Well, let me tell you all the immoral, disgusting things that happens in reality that makes your fantasy a dream come true.

[@BoraHorzaGobuchul]

There's an easy way to reduce chocolate intake - just switch to high chocolate chocolate. When there's less milk and sugar in the stuff, you will eat much less. I find that 75% chocolate is the sweet spot for me, pun intended. If that doesn't help, try 99%, I guarantee you will not be able to eat more than a small piece of that.

[@MBTIinRealLife]

Bruh. I was able to eat 100g of 99% chocolate in one sitting. Then I switched to 100% coco and still was able to eat the same amount. This thing is highly addictive. It's the same with alcohol - better stay away completely.

[@BoraHorzaGobuchul]

@@MBTIinRealLife from my own case study when I offered my friends and family 99% chocolate, you're obviously an outlier. No amount of addiction helped any of the persons in my experiment. Most also declined 75% chocolate as too bitter.

[@rosalee477]

Higher percentage chocolate is too bitter, you can barely tell it's chocolate

[@MBTIinRealLife]

@@rosalee477 Bitter chocolate is the only authentic chocolate. It's vice versa, high sugar percentage chocolate is the one who's barely recognizable as chocolate.

[@Ding471]

@@BoraHorzaGobuchul so you are telling me, you are hired by that slavery induced vile chocolate conglomerates. That makes sense!

[@Mobri]

I always thought that US chocolate smelled faintly "barfy" but just thought it was a wire crossed in my brain. Thanks for the validation, Horton.

[@paranoidrodent]

If I recall correctly, Hershey's treated its chocolate with butryic acid to make it resistant to spoilage (due to the dairy) and this stable shelf life characteristic got it to become part of WW2 military rations. Hershey sold huge amounts of chocolate to the US military during the war. By the end of the war, the slightly sour "barfy" taste had become accepted as normal to American palettes. Other chocolate makers actually started adding in butyric acid to their chocolate to help meet customer expectations on flavour. People who grew up with chocolate tasting that way (mostly Americans and to a lesser degree Canadians, who get a mix of US and European brands...) are habituated to the taste and don't find it particularly remarkable (although they can often use it to tell American and European chocolate apart). American commercial grade chocolate is generally considered pretty bottom tier in Canada (or pretty generic for baking) but we don't freak at taste either. It's just the cheap stuff to us (along with the slightly better North American Cadbury and Nestlé stuff). Swiss and Belgian (with French, German and UK as less common options) chocolate are the go-to premium consumer chocolate in Canada.

[@danielmann6772]

History Channel did a series on the food that made America. Hershey was one of the episodes and his demand to use real milk instead of powdered; the issues that caused, and ultimately, the solution to stabilize the concoction (so it wouldn't curdle)

[@JakoWako]

You probably ate year old chocolate

[@crazyli]

butryic acid is basically stomach acid, I believe... so yeah, it's the same component. I'm one of the odd Americans who doesn't really like Hershey's chocolate. Despite it being the "norm" here, I can't really stand the taste and prefer chocolate from other countries. I really like Japanese and Swiss chocolate a lot.

[@Mobri]

@@crazyli Oh man, I love Meiji chocolates! Japanese and Swiss chocolates are velvet on the tongue. However, if you want a different kind of authentic chocolate experience, buy chocolate from Grenada! The grow a lot of cacao there and their bars are a amazing.

[@JJGeneral1]

We need a “if amusement parks were honest” set. There’s more than one part to them.

[@cracked]

We’ve done that one already!

[@kiwi8476]

I do believe there is one on Disneyland... I think. Don't quote me on that.

[@jmason2838]

@@cracked where is it then ?🤔🤨

[@SoapinTrucker]

@@jmason2838 Well, I'm no expert, but a quick SEARCH found it for me! SMFH

[@cracked]

@@jmason2838 Just look it up, kzbin.info/www/bejne/hZ3NaKyGoNCMZ7s

[@julesrules7297]

I taught my employees about "chocolate flavored" candy now that Easter candy is back. They didn't know why, but they hated that stereotypical Easter "chocolate". Hard same.

[@sergiowinter5383]

Hard to sell crucifixion and resurrection, chocolate is easier

[@steampunkastronaut7081]

@@sergiowinter5383 And so the church of Chocolatism begins

[@Demmrir]

@@sergiowinter5383 In fairness, egg-laying rabbits are more believable.

[@seekittycat]

As someone who didn't grow up in America the commercials of the Easter Bunny laying chocolate eggs is just layers of confusing.

[@BewareTheLilyOfTheValley]

@@seekittycat Even England at least has it with the Cadbury bunny.

[@Julia-lk8jn]

Yay, sources of information listed! Love you guys. Honestly, if food designers can come up with a convincing imitation of chocolate that can be produced *without* destroying forests somewhere in Africa, then I'm all for it.

[@hazukichanx408]

It'd have to contain sugar and caffeine, which would make it just as bad... while going without those would make it far less addictive and pleasing. Then there's that thing about it triggering endorphins or something, a similar experience to love? Which is probably also hard to fake in a substitute. I think the better solution here would be to simply go "this is either worth it for me, or not... but I will at least stare down the relevant facts before I decide".

[@solvseus]

@@hazukichanx408 By sugar, you mean high fructose corn syrup right? Because actual chocolate may be made with real sugar, but the crap we Americans get rarely is. I've had real chocolate from EU, and it's ruined me for the flavorless dirt we usually have. So key word would be "convincing" imitation. Not there yet.

[@diablo.the.cheater]

@@hazukichanx408 What about a substitute made of pure endorphines?

[@DessertGeek]

There's far less deforestation within bean to bar chocolate - and even with fair trade! (Fair trade on the whole pays farmers less compared to transparent trade efforts, so it'd be interesting to compare how that impacts local forests.)

[@Julia-lk8jn]

@@solvseus Yeah well, if you forgive me being a snooty European for a just a moment: US-American "chocolate" is ... well, certainly a healthier way to give a candy bar a nice glossy coating than latex color would be. But honestly, you'd think the sort of scientists who can come up with something unhealthier than refined sugar could come up with a convincing mix of artificial flavors; I think it's the lack of cocoa butter.

[@ktm42080]

Another masterpiece! I had the displeasure of touring the Hershey's chocolate factory. Smelled like death and sadness in there.

[@Zebra_3]

basically that's how Cadbury gets the soft flowing caramel inside a Caramilk bar.

[@denisa_the_jedi]

I misread "touring" as "torturing" for a second and I got a bit concerned.

[@punchline43]

Hmm, you must be a clairvoyant or something.

[@starlet5350]

Thank you for addressing the workers part. Truly honesty and accurate.

[@Lolwutdesu9000]

I enjoyed this, as a European, as its partly true for us too. Unfortunately for you yanks cross the pond, your chocolate has probably had more treatment than a Pirelli tyre. 😂

[@DeAthWaGer]

Lol vucanized "chocolate"

[@jenniferjack2888]

AAAAAAHHHHHH Hahahaha oooh oh my goodness 🤣🤣😂😅 Good One 🤣😂👍😎 Greetings from Texas 🤠❣️ WOW 😳 didn't realize how much I missed funny people 🤣😂

[@joshyoung1440]

"As a European" "Yanks" "'Cross the pond" "Pirelli *tyre"* Drop another hint about where you're from, I don't think everybody got it

[@sachem31]

Europeans sure love to brag about exploiting African slave labour...

[@AKUJIVALDO]

@@joshyoung1440 well, reality is that what most of yanks think is chocolate can only be categorised as "chocolate flavoured sweet" in Europe as it would have way less cacao...

[@mihirjain753]

Roger just tell me my man how do you get this power to keep your face straight while saying all those things

[@daveparkes8539]

I seriously stopped this video 1/2 way through cuz I remembered I still have some chocolate in the freezer....I'll be right back! The grocery store had a 10 for $10 on thr Aero flavored 105 gram bars! Calories? Who gives a shit when I'm getting my fix! Now, back to Roger!

[@Ding471]

it's ok, no one cares what you do!

[@daveparkes8539]

@@Ding471 Ummmm.... you do.

[@catkitten8364]

sometimes these videos start with making you think that you are still watching ads

[@masterYoshimistsu]

That "vomit" taste in American chocolate is due to the fact that, when Milton Hershey developed milk chocolate, the milk would curdle during the mixing process. Then during WW2 American soldier would introduce this chocolate to Europeans. Nowadays the process don't curdle the milk but to keep that taste they would add the butyric acid.

[@jothain]

As European I've never even heard of this butyric acid thing and I work in facility that produces chocolate pudding.

[@masterYoshimistsu]

@@jothain I imagine you don’t produce the chocolate but buy it as an ingredient used to produce the pudding

[@NetAndyCz]

@@masterYoshimistsu I do not think it is used much outside of America.

[@jothain]

@@masterYoshimistsu no, we don't buy that as an ingredient.

[@SoapinTrucker]

Well, a quick search tells me it's good for the gut! LOL ;)

[@cracked]

As always, be sure to check our sources in the description, and our HONEST t-shirt store right here >>> the-cracked-dispensary.creator-spring.com/

[@masternobody1896]

Nice

[@Shadowcat753]

Um, I get cravings for red meat instead.....

[@GuessWhoIAm.]

Why doesn't someone answer emails?

[@oldskoolwayy]

I so love these...roger is a legend

[@bluemonk44]

Do funeral industries and also airplane industry

[@abetwabe]

I love the woman bundled in the corner indulging in the candy. Something lovely about it.

[@JohnCarey1993]

Seeing Roger back over the past few videos is great. I want all of Hortons products haha

[@healinggrounds19]

I have lived in Japan and Brazil. Chocolate is the Universal period craving. Chocolate is crack.

[@lauras748]

Same in Italy my friends!

[@taminy2051]

Germany, too.

[@manwhoismissingtwotoenails4777]

The snack that can substitute crack -GOLDFISH- CHOCOLATE!

[@viridian5maureen853]

@@manwhoismissingtwotoenails4777 The crack that smiles back.

[@sojoboscribe1342]

I'm probably going to get criticized for this, but based on my own experiences, I don't really have a high opinion of Japanese chocolate. It's not that they CAN'T make decent chocolate (the fillings in some of their choco cornets is proof of that). But when It comes to bars, their stuff always seems so weak (as I have often said, a Meiji dark bar tastes like milk, a Meiji milk bar tastes like white, and I don't WANT to know what a Meiji white bar tastes like.). It's sort of the same story with India. Decades of having Cadbury stuffed down their throats by the British has left a standard for overly sweet, overly milky chocolate, and dark chocolate there is hard to find, or sell.

[@rebeccalyn9908]

Children and Horton's Brand Ad's. Keeping it real since conception. 💜

[@BigMarv50]

It doesn’t surprise me in the slightest that Nestle would be involved in the shadiest parts of the chocolate world.

[@scott4981]

All industries are being slowly methodically subverted by the cuddlefishgangsters worms that have everything to gain and nothing to lose.

[@Zebra_3]

Hershey's.

[@toddellner5283]

Mars and Hershey's are evil. Nestle makes the Devil blush.

[@kameljoe21]

Roger Horton: Jack Hunter Fairly Compensated Employee: Jordan Breeding Chocolate Lady: Anna Breeding Sexy Chocolate Animator: Pablo Hernan Blua Writer: Cezary Jan Strusiewicz even the credits are funny!

[@Call-me-Al]

" -Fairly Compensated Employee- Chocolate gremlin: " I laughed way too hard when he grabbed the leftovers from under the table. 10/10

[@munenex]

He is Roger Horton to me

[@rolanddeschain9139]

A couple of my neighbors actually grow their own cacao trees. I'm gonna get some of their pods and make my own chocolate

[@PlebNC]

As a British person I've always been baffled by the American import chocolate in our stores because they literally aren't chocolate or taste like chocolate. It's like they removed all the cocao and replaced it with more butter, sugar and some brown food colouring. Of course this could simply be the only products the stores are willing to import are the cheap stuff so maybe more upmarket brands actually taste like chocolate but thus far I'd rate American chocolate as sub-Nestlé tier. For those curious of my complete chocolate tier list: Best - Lindt - Upmarket brands like Ferrero and independent producers. - Galaxy - Cadbury - Nestlé - Anything produced in America (not to be confused with American brands who produce things locally in the UK and thus have to follow our higher food standards.) Feel free to bicker about which sugared butter block is better and how your preferred obesity facilitator makes my tier list look like the wrapper filled trash bin currently sitting near you.

[@xWatanukix]

Yeah, even people from Britain, which is known in Europe for having bad chocolate (like Cadbury) think American chocolate is bad.

[@PlebNC]

@@xWatanukix Hey, British chocolate isn't bad. It's mediocre at worst.

[@SomethingBeautifulHandcrafts]

If you think that's bad, let's talk about American "cheese"... Not just what we call American cheese, but pretty much whatever is in the supermarkets. Make it cheap and full of sugar, that's the American way.

[@enwe6487]

That‘s funny, I always thought of british chocolate as exactly that - tasting like overly sweet fake mush. I don’t want to try american lol

[@PlebNC]

@@SomethingBeautifulHandcrafts Oh don't get me started on American cheese and the BS companies use to circumvent FDA definitions. "cheese flavored" is a popular way to make lard slices sound like actual cheese.

[@blaster915]

As a Swiss watching this, it just hit me that not a SINGLE chocolate I see aired here involves sexy women 😳 It's just either cooks making chocolate or melted chocolate over coca.

[@fosterfuchs]

Yet when Swiss chocolate is advertised in the U.S., they combine the cooks making chocolate with a woman REALLY enjoying said chocolate. kzbin.info/www/bejne/bWGpd4ZvhZKqjNksi=D4qnzi16FCFX0nkJ

[@princeofalbany]

I lost it at "dung-colored calorie ball"

[@tattoodude8946]

"Coked-out bird..." 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

[@stupididiot68]

This guy is the final boss

[@Pluto137]

Very much Sans

[@HeWentThattaway]

Roger has destroyed every indulgence I’ve ever participated in.

[@Elven.]

Same!

[@chubbatheBOSS]

I think he’s the Buddha in disguise!

[@TenFalconsMusic]

Another brilliant rendering from Cracked (and Mr Horton). Funny, my girlfriend lounges on our counter like that. Used to wonder where all the footprints were coming from. They turn up on my guitars too, but I'm not going to ask.

[@SoapinTrucker]

Did you check the top of the washing machine? LOL ;)

[@TenFalconsMusic]

@@SoapinTrucker 😂👍

[@abetwabe]

"Unlike our competitors we kept her sexy as hell" hahaha

[@stuartcarter944]

Okay, "cookie monster scat" made me do a spit take :)

[@courtlaw1]

Cracked should produce a 30 minute show with Roger talking about all the BS in the world.

[@cracked]

I am literally trying to write a pilot of that

[@bandmarc141]

YESSSSSSSSS!

[@Xamry]

@@cracked Watch the “History of the World” video (20min long) if you need inspiration!

[@xaenon]

You'd need a LOT more than 30 minutes for that. Religion ALONE could occupy several hours.

[@natefoldan]

A Cracked version of Last Week Tonight, I'd watch the hell out of that.

[@johnlopez4089]

I get WAY to much joy out of these then I should. 🤣🤣🤣🤣

[@MissBlueEyeliner]

“Cookie Monster scat” made me spit my water out.

[@cpiantes]

Ah theobroma cacao, the shit of the gods!

[@random11yroldontheinternet97]

Haha, I cannot believe it took me this long to find this amazing channel, it has my chaotic humor written all over it.

[@janeentumbao8690]

Welcome to the Roger party! Get comfy. Grab some snacks. 😂

[@grimnir2922]

checking your pfp, chaotic humor sounds about right/j

[@markfairbanks3533]

"I don't think chocolate tastes good if I can't taste the tears of the child laborers in it"--Some chocolate executive probably

[@pianotm]

So, after weeks of searching for ANY updates on this story, I learn from a Cracked video that the U. S. Supreme Court decided that Nestle owning actual slaves was perfectly alright?

[@cracked]

You're welcome haha

[@aleisterlavey9716]

Owning slaves is annoying. You have to buy them, feed them and when they get sick or die, you ruin the investment you did. It way easier to have wage-not-slaves. With them you don't have to care if they die, get sick or starve. Just hire another one for the same or even less as the one that got killed yesterday.

[@rowdybliss]

Now do factory farms.

[@violettracey]

Yes please!

[@jaeladarlingtrailers]

I didn't know how much I needed to see Roger in a chef's hat until this video.

[@ross350tube]

"coagulated sugary bean goop" Fuck I'm glad I subscribed, that is excellent writing!

[@kurudo6432]

they forgot the main part: the absurd amount of sugar placed into that crap.

[@10tailedbijuu]

Would rather have that then dairy in everything.

[@kurudo6432]

@@10tailedbijuu except dairy isn't nearly as bad as sugar. especially biological without additives, only pasteurized

[@kurudo6432]

@@10tailedbijuu on what basis? intolerance? veganism?

[@Ding471]

it's only 50% and the best part is, sugar is expensive hence it's 3rd grade sweetener which is cancer loving, you can thank the Japanese for that

[@kurudo6432]

@@Ding471 arigato ございました

[@drdreidle2303]

Has Jordan always been in these videos with Roger? If not I'm loving him and his random appearances.

[@cracked]

Just since I rebooted it last year!

[@drdreidle2303]

@@cracked bless you!!! I'm glad to see Crack in this new direction

[@monomanamaniac]

I'm so glad y'all brought this one back. It's definitely one of my favorite series on KZbin

[@justinharvie8126]

I'd love to see "If the military was honest" video in the future.

[@shivrajjuvekar]

Always a pleasure listening, wise words of Roger

[@castertr0y357]

The part that got me was the chocolate mascot bit. Like zero people buy M&M's for the mascots, so their whole change the (female) green one to be less sexy is ridiculous.

[@Julia-lk8jn]

I don't mind that it's awful for my health, or at least: I knew that before. But I really hate that it's killing forests. I would have liked to know how much of a difference fair trade chocolate makes; of course the ads look lovely, but then they always do.

[@jothain]

It is actually a thing. I work in facility where also chocolate pudding is made. Every used batch of cocoa is registered in system and it's traceability is confirmed (UTZ). That's at least here in Europe in our facility.

[@DessertGeek]

The frustrating thing about fair trade is that they're requiring farmers to pay for certification - and it pays out less to farmers than transparent trade networks like Uncommon Cacao and Meridian Cacao. So it's not a perfect system but it's better than nothing?

[@StuffandThings_]

Every food item has to be farmed in somewhere that was once natural habitat. Its just that chocolate farming is _unnecessary_ and doesn't really do a whole lot to feed people. The best way to stop trashing the environment is to stop overpopulating, but cutting out unnecessary crops could certainly do a bit too. If you want something just as bad, take a look at palm oil...

[@Julia-lk8jn]

@@jothain thank you, that's very helpful to know 🙂

[@nitothompson97]

If he ever goes missing, we are all going to know who did it.

[@Rin_Animations]

You should have mentioned how kinda lax the FDA regulates chocolate compared to Europe. Fringing insects dude!

[@aleisterlavey9716]

Now with the extra portion protein.

[@midimusicforever]

Homer Simpson's brain: "Mmm, slave picked chocolate"

[@patmcbride9853]

Now I need to buy some chocolate.

[@Ding471]

yes go ahead, no one is putting a gun to your head, your life your choice!

[@myfrestuff3453]

And in just under 15 seconds, they compare one of the most popular food stuffs in the west in color and consistency to human feces! 😂🤣

[@bgriffininsd]

When we all know that really describes peanut butter.

[@areacode3816]

Used to read the Cracked magazine as a kid. Glad you guys are still around and kicking.

[@fredriksmedberg8097]

Thank you so much for making these videos! I absolutely love every bit of Roger I can watch ❤️ Keep up the good work! /Fredrik from 🇸🇪

[@obsessedwithguitars3157]

I literally ate a chocolate bar while watching this, and upon the video ending, contemplated getting another. Help.

[@sergiowinter5383]

A behavior approved by your dentist

[@hazukichanx408]

@@sergiowinter5383 Nine out of ten dentists recommend eating candy literally all the time! Well, around here they don't, but presumably we're the exception, with our crazy scandinavian ways.

[@FreyaofCerberus]

I had no idea the reason American chocolate tasted like puke was because it contains the same acid. That's fascinating and gross. Really nailing the creepy standing behind you and staring intently bit Jordan. Keep it and this awesome series up!

[@noalear]

Butyric acid is most commonly found in pretty much all dairy. In fact, the milk in milk chocolate is the source of butyric acid. Dark chocolate would have right around none of it.

[@greebj]

Butyric acid / butyrate is an important energy source for colon cells and reduces the risk of colon cancer (I researched the effect of diet on CRC once upon a time) ...When it is from certain types of microbiota fermentating insoluble fibre in the gut, not when ingested directly along with a ton of sugar and refined saturated fats and other junk.

[@crystalclear5397]

This reminds me of a factory I worked at. Was to clean the machines after each use for the next supply to be processed through and damn....the filth i would see take place with the food you people out here bought at greebes bakery....after filing reports...i was fired....they pay under the table so of course got away with it.

[@mikemcconeghy4658]

Every time I see a show bragging about how many tons of candy this or that company makes, I wonder how many acres of trees it takes to grow the cocoa beans.

[@netx506]

I absolutely love these videos, thanks for the content.

[@williamkelly53]

Rodger and Team Cracked , thank you ! Passion for the truth and hope is humanities greatest weapon ! 🖖!

[@Dumballa]

"unlike our competitors, we've kept her sexy as heck" shots fired 😄

[@mcdadais]

You can't say "hell" or something?

[@uflstallions_dynasty]

@@mcdadaisyou offended by it or something?

[@shaanz2.087]

I have officially stopped breathing ever since I have encountered CRACKED & good hearted Mr Roger Horton 😂😂😂😂😂😂

[@wwooww63]

as always i like your honest adds , great stuff

[@jamesmchugo9422]

So glad Roger is back! These are the best.

[@extropiantranshuman]

thank you times 1 million for putting your sources in the description. I use it to help spread the word about this channel :)

[@POINTS2]

Jesus, this was a good one! Now I know why American chocolate tastes like vomit.

[@robylove9190]

As a child I had Swiss and German chocolate. I never developed a taste for American chocolate. Now, I am very happy I didn't.

[@RickHeadle]

Hell yeah Roger, you did it again! Well done! So good!

[@Briansgate]

Love having you back, Roger!

[@GuretoSefirosu]

I absolutely loved this. I'm in tears. Now, where did I put my Hershey bar? Also, where can I buy a Horton bar of chocolate substitute?

[@fadhilyudistira8819]

I'm glad I can only eat the products specific authentic local chocolate producer... no, wait, that sounds like I'm addicted to it already.

[@V1ctoria00]

Thanks Roger. I needed that.

[@tomg6284]

Always fun to watch.. Thanks Roger...

[@mr_indie_fan]

Anthropomorphic mascot is awesome

[@jacobmyrick2961]

“Tree jizz”

[@Pastymeathead]

Roger is who brought me to Cracked. and he keeps bringing me back

[@markova9927]

Thank you for the great content! God Bless you 🙏

[@Ergotistical]

Way to air this a day after my Hershey Chocolate Tour ride 🫥

[@gaternisbet4399]

there is something special about roger ruining everything that I take for granted and leaving me wondering what if anything these days is real at all...

[@junkoenoshima4457]

„We at Horton“ This line alone is gold

[@leviswranglers2813]

I wonder if people in the future will look back at corporations in a similar manner that we look back at monarchies.

[@starcherry6814]

It is weird how most chocolate commercials are aimed at women 🤣 My husband uses me as a scapegoat whenever he wants to splurge on chocolate!

[@aliensounddigital8729]

See's candy is so expensive now.

[@aleisterlavey9716]

I now wonder if chocolate advertised to women is more expensive than those advertised to men.

[@starcherry6814]

@@aleisterlavey9716 There is no chocolate advertised to men… what I meant was my husband feels a little embarrassed to buy chocolate for himself because it’s considered ‘feminine’

[@aleisterlavey9716]

@@starcherry6814 so the answer is yes. 😆 🤣 😆

[@ronanbrodrick9168]

Thanks for everything you do

[@rudyh721]

He’s like a salesman except he wants to sell you into not buying anything ever again

[@extropiantranshuman]

thank you for making the chocolate version of the coffee cracked ad - the world needed this one!

[@JayTillaeon]

Nice dig at M&M's/Mars company for punking out over a something that's not even real.

[@brknglasses2734]

I love the video, but I have one important argument: cookie monster would probably leave piles of stuffing, or skittles or something. PLEASE make a note of it!

[@cracked]

NO HE POOPS CHOCOLATE

[@brknglasses2734]

@@cracked THAT'S IT!!!!! I'm putting together a research team, and we're gonna get to the bottom of this... I don't care how many hundreds of thousands of dollars in grants it takes!

[@CaptWesStarwind]

@@brknglasses2734 yeah, no, it's chocolate, I checked. Yet another reason why I'm not allowed back to Sesame Street workshop.

[@brknglasses2734]

@Capt'Wes Starwind that's rough! If it makes you feel any better I'm not allowed within 1km of Gonzo for... similar reasons...damn lawyers...

[@CaptWesStarwind]

@@brknglasses2734 yeah, it actually does.

[@philllloyd6832]

Missed you Roger!! Glad your back 👍👍

[@silverrendprops9760]

I'm so glad these a re still going!