If Republicans Said the Quiet Parts Loud About the Bible

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#politicalcomedy #skit #sketchcomedy

[@LeftyConspirator]

If you carry this on much longer, you risk actually getting elected.

[@Blakblooded]

The ultimate irony is if a Republican actually gave this speech they would get a standing ovation and the crowd would start chanting "We're good! We're right!"

[@benjbk]

My favorite part of the bible is the bit where Jesus makes fun of the people who show off their religiosity in public to get a special place in society.

[@kpk1958]

What were the "quite" parts? This sounded too much like a typical MAGA republican speech.

[@OsirisMalkovich]

This is 1/3 funny and 2/3 terrifying.

[@firefly4f4]

Personally, I'd have gone with:

[@wiesejay]

GOP 2008: Welcome, bigots!

[@shnickityshnoo3574]

Listing the "female orgasm" as one of things that's no longer called a sin and then, much later, calling out that only their wives understand how you "biblically know the bible" - very well done.

[@triksterx]

The way you fondled that Bible was unsettling. Good job.

[@Kenobi-1221]

Spot on. As a Christian, it absolutely infuriates me how these people use a book that teaches the opposite of their beliefs to justify their bigotry. Even if you look at the provisions supposedly "condemning" gay people, there's a complete lack of understanding how to read context, language, etc. combined with horrible translation errors). Not to mention complete disregard for the fact that their own doctrine states Jesus abolished the Old Testament law.

[@jaredboyd7997]

"Religion is regarded by the common people as true, the wise as false, and the rulers as useful." - Seneca

[@RobMacKendrick]

The genius of this monologue is that it's written in the exact cadences that preachers and God-pimping politicians use in these situations. The up-welling patriotic oratory, the sudden hushed, reverent, even teary declarations of love and gratitude, then a shock-and-awe screaming rant about thunderous retribution, then back to coda and you do it all over.

[@seannyhan2254]

Satire is dead. This is so on point it's not even a lampoon. Sweet Christmas!

[@agonzalez8924]

Honestly if a republican politician gave a speech like this in front of conservative voters, they'd fall in line and get behind it anyway because they also respond to "strong" leadership. We've all heard conservative commentary, they like when someone speaks confidently and "tells it like it is"

[@ccf_1004]

I have an uncle that really needs to hear this but if he knew I sent it to him I think he'd become violent...

[@gcb345]

And this is why church attendance is down.

[@abrslam]

The "LGBTQIABC123 times up"Is actually a really clever turn of phrase. I honestly wouldn't be surprised to hear bigots start using it.

[@agent_meister477]

I was going to ask if this speech was hard to write. But when I thought about the subject matter I realised that it practically wrote itself.

[@Barnabas45]

I used to be a janitor for a Catholic school and this dude is spot on!

[@perks6292]

The Fraternal American Trust of Christians Outspoken for Certitude, Knowledge & Sensibility, A.K.A. the F.A.T. C.O.C.K.S.